Be yourself, by yourself, stay away from me. - Pantera, Walk.




We never got along. We didn't like each other. We didn't care for one another. We had nothing in common.

So why am I crying for him?

Maybe it's because of the surroundings I'm in right now. I can just hear their cries, their sorrows, and my soul feeds off of it, exhilerated by it. I'm a glutton for sorrow. A big glutton.

Does that make me empathetic? Because I can cry for a man that I had no feelings for at all? A man that I didn't consider anything to me?

If Hurricane died, I might feel something. Rob, sure. Taker? ... I guess. I don't know. Any one of their deaths would haunt me for the rest of my living days.

But why him?

Why Steve?

And the funny thing is that he didn't treat us as his prey to his actions. He toyed with us, and let us go. He had a giving heart. Something I don't have. I've been tormented and confused, a sorrowful individual trying to find solace in humanity, independence, love. And I get fucked over easily because of it.

That's why I'm a monster. I don't want to let anyone get close to him anymore. I want to be a ruthless, cunning and animalistic monster, one that no one will ever want to be near to anymore. And I'll be content with it on the outside, but on the inside I'll be dying, wishing for someone to share a happy, loving moment with.

I don't want to feel anymore pain inflicted from others. Let me cut and gash in my own wounds, inflict agony onto myself purposely. Not from others. No more. It hurts. The pain hurst more by the jagged, unskilled hand of others than the wise, skilled blade of my own judgement.

I'm still wondering why I'm crying for Steve Austin.

Deep down inside, am I an empathetic person? Did I really want to have a bond with Steve, but now has lost the chance to do so? Did I really want to befriend the Texas Rattlesnake? Did I just want to talk with him and hear his jokes?

I remember how Steve used to be so ashamed, so filled with disgust around me. For the longest time I thought those looks and mannerisms directed to me and to me only. The glares, the whispers-- solely for me.

Now I can see the truth, and it's so fucking clear. He blames himself, blames himself for something that I can't see. Blames himself for an event that I don't know what occured.

Something tells me inside it's something larger than what I can fathom, but then it's always replaced with the conclusion that I've come up with. Steve blamed himself for my transformation... my new persona as a ruthless, cunning, merciless monster.

That was MY decision, Steve. You didn't have to feel guilt or pity to me. You didn't push me into becoming a monster. I DIDN'T have to follow those damn rules and take the mask off. I did it on my own free will. I admit it, I accept it, I...

Tears keep staining my vision, and the squeeze on my shoulder by Taker is keeping me alive, awake, apart of reality. Taker's off in his own world, and I know I can't get him out of it. I don't blame him. He had a bond with Steve, even if he didn't notice it.

So the two of us are gonna stay in the shadows, and he's gonna zone out while I'm gonna cry. And it's all for fucking Stone Cold Steve Austin.

All for that man.

And I just don't get it. Why am I, Glenn -- no! No, why is KANE crying for STONE COLD? Why!?

I... didn't... I don't know him. I DID NOT know him. He was a stranger to me.

He was nothing. Nobody. A figment of my imagination. And now that dream is dead and I'm in reality now.

Why does it hurt, though?

I don't know anymore. I just don't know. It's all so complicated, and weird, and unsure. It's... it's all... insane. Crazy I guess. I just don't know.

I don't think I'm ever gonna get a clear answer from myself, or anyone else. Not from Rob, or Mark, or anyone in the world. No one can help me, or tell me.

Is this guilt? No. I know it isn't. Pity then?

... do I have the ability to pity?

... maybe.

I close my eyes, and sob gently. I guess this is my only peace now until the start of Wrestlemania.

The darkness comforts me, and I feel a warmth engulfing my body.

I don't know why you had an affect on me Steve. You just DID.

I'll get an answer from you later.