The OOC Adventures of Kisame and Itachi

Part III- Itachi meets 'Napoleon'

Summary & Disclaimer: Why are you reading this if you haven't read the last chapter? Go back and check there, for Pete's sake. Or Pete will cry. Feh, I don't own Naruto.

Being that he is a fairly recent character in the manga- Sakon is the leader of the Sound Four. You know, the guy with the lipstick and pearls. If that doesn't help, the guy with the two heads.There you go.

*****

Well, this was pretty much admittedly the most degrading and embarrassing thing Sakon had ever done in the service of Orochimaru. Yes, he did understand the necessity of the Sound Four patrolling on opening day since the Akatsuki would take their invite as planned, but what he could not grasp was the need for them to be dressed up in these ridiculous suits.

In fact, he still did not grasp as to why Orochimaru opened this theme park, except that it did make sense when Orochimaru explained it at board meetings. And who was to question their great leader? Questioning meant disloyalty and in Orochimaru's courtroom, the sentence for that was death.

Tayuya had voiced the biggest argument about having to wear the costume. Jiroubou had to give Sakon a hand in forcing Tayuya to wear hers and Kidoumaru just sat back and watched patiently. If Sakon didn't know any better, he thought Jiroubo was enjoying going around in that damn thing, giving kids hugs and taking pictures with them a bit too much.

Anyways, his cigarette had finally burnt out and that meant his break was over. It's time to go back to work. He put the cigarette out by rubbing it against the palm of the fuzzy hand that covered his manicured real one before throwing it angrily to the ground. He then smoothed out his hat hair and donned the Helmet of Doom, better known as the snake's head and some how fitting his own head and his second head in at the same time.

Sakon, now better known as "Napoleon" worked the crowd*, bringing smiles to the faces of children halfheartedly. Little did those children know that inside this polyester suit (which chaffed by the way), was the body of a ninja that could easily wring their little throats and those of their parents, should his master order him to do so. Moment by moment, he began to hope more and more that Orochimaru would rethink this plan so he could do just that. Curse the poor soul that would throw up on him again like that chubby little boy with the swirl cheeks earlier this morning.

Out of the blue, he sensed it. He knew that chakara anywhere. As a member of the Sound Four, and one of Orochimaru's bodyguards, he had been to some of the Akatsuki meetings and mixers when Orochimaru was still a member. Feeling such a presence here, sent shivers of fear up and down his spine.

Sakon spun around and there, staring him straight in the face with an unnerving never changing expression, was a face he would never for get. Black hair and red eyes stood out even more stunningly with his body wrapped in the ebony and ruby cloak of the Akatsuki. No doubt about it, Uchiha Itachi.

Even with the aura of fear he projected, Sakon still had to admit that Uchiha was as pretty as ever to look at, even prettier than himself. Oh he could look at that pretty face all day, if he didn't know anything about what affect those Sharingen have on those that look into them. It hit him then, like a two ton boulder. Did Itachi know it was him in that suit? Surely, he must or atleast suspect it the way he was staring.

Sakon panicked. He was not expecting that the Akatsuki would send Itachi and that annoying partner of his on this assignment. Where was that bastard, Kisame? Oh well, no matter, he had to try to figure out an escape plan. There would be no way he could deal with the embarrassment of discovery. Sweat beaded all over his body as he tried to think. Could he trick Itachi somehow and get out of it? He was not sure, but he was desperate enough to try anything.

Itachi opened his lips slowly before breathing out a faint, "Napoleon."

Suddenly, Sakon knew what that look in Itachi's eyes was. It was the look he saw in the eyes of many small creatures throughout the park when they spotted him in this suit. It was love at first sight.

And that made his feeling of dread grow even more.

*****

Kabuto entered the office in the back lot behind the park, dressed in a Blue's Brothers suit, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. The light from the overhead fixtures bounced off them and caught Sasuke's attention from where he sat on the edge of the desk, swinging his legs, out of boredom. Kabuto could only smile at the annoyed look of disapproval Sasuke's face expressed for what Sasuke was being forced to wear recently, due to Orochimaru's new investment in Hidden Neverland Ranch.

He waved at the boy and the boy grimaced at him before casually drawling his announcement. "Orochimaru-sama, the Doctor is here to see you now."

Orochimaru spun around from the window were he had been watching the park's proceedings from earlier this morning since the opening ceremonies, safely tucked away nine stories above everything below behind tinted glass. He was looking sinister as usual, in a three-piece suit, dressed head to toe in black, save for his golden earrings that he always wore. His smirk could have not gotten any bigger than it was. He was most pleased that everything was going according to plan.

"And what do you have to report, Doctor?" Orochimaru sat down in his leather chair, pursing a finger against his lower lip as he glanced up at Kabuto with his steady yellow gaze.

He is not going to like this. Kabuto cleared his throat, before beginning.

"Sir, there has been a large accident in the main square. Several visitors either passed out or were maimed inexplicably. There have been atleast ten calculated dead and three currently missing, twenty four injured in total. All the victims had blond spiked hair."

Orochimaru heaved a heavy sigh. After all, why would he give a damn about children, save for his precious vessel.

"Is that all?"

"Well, no…two more things." Kabuto began to tremble nervously as he moved on to the second issue. "Some crazed individual in a black and red cloak has killed and is apparently eating the giraffes in the petting zoo."

"Not my Twinkie and my Banana!" Orochimaru's face darkened to one of grief and complete horror as anger began to surge through him.

He named them like that?! Sasuke shifted uncomfortably on the desk and further away from Orochimaru.

"Er..yes, Twinkie and Banana. It is apparently those two that they sent, as we feared."

Orochimaru raised abruptly, his smile completely faded. His happy day had just been ruined. He spat at the ground before heading towards the door.

"Sasuke, Kabuto, to the petting zoo!"

Sasuke got up and followed, grateful to finally be able to leave the office and stretch his legs. Kabuto sighed and followed in suit after his boss.

"Wait, what was the third thing you mentioned, Kabuto?"

"Oh, Sakon has gone missing."

******

*that line just sounds wrong

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Next time: Questions will hopefully be answered! Why does Orochimaru have a theme park in the first place? What has become of our dear Sakon? Will Itachi be able to find Kisame before he does more damage? And what the hell is Sasuke being forced to wear?! Stay tuned.