Diaper Training
Author: LittleTrixta
Author: Okay, I think we've pretty much all gone through the trials and tribulations that can along with babysitting, (If not witnessed it from the corner, smirking and sipping your juice box in thankful glory that your sister was forced into it first . . . Okay maybe that was just me.)
*ahem* BUT DON'T GET ME WRONG! I love babies . . . Not in a Lifetime, starved child-loving psycho kind of way. . . But well. I don't need any excuses why I wrote this! I am the author! So I have the power. . . BAH!
. . . ANYWAY. This story is dedicated to that. And I hope you all enjoy yourselves as we sit back and watch Ash suffer. . . As we so often enjoy doing! ^_^ (Okay, maybe that's just me again. -.-;;;)
ON WITH THE STORY!!
Diaper Training
"Are you sure you can remember all that, Ash?"
After nearly six minutes of baby priorities and such, Ash found himself drawing a large blank, in the white empty space called his brain. Ash scratched his head and looked pleadingly toward the baby bound to it's carrier beside him, hoping by chance it had soaked up any information Ash managed to miss. (Which was basically everything.)
"Uhh. . . Yea." Ash replied weakly as his cousin Pete and his wife Diana gave eatchother curious glances.
"Um. . . Well, okay then! You know where to reach us." Diana said reaching over to hand the baby its rattler and kiss him goodbye. "Right. . ." Ash muttered as Diana gave him a momentary glance, gripped her husbands hand, and looked over to her baby, while trying to shake off the images of it mouthing the words "Take-Me-With-You!".
Ash sighed as he showed Diana and Pete to the door. He had had the sad impression that being a Godfather would be something more along the lines of having a high ranking superiority above others, and a cool nickname like "He- The- Almighty- Guy- With - High- Superiority- Above- Others."
But no. He was stuck taking care of this, this thing. This strange little pink thing that kept . . . staring at him. Wasn't there anything else that it did!
And before Ash had the chance to react, Ash's question was answered when a few moments later, a strange stench began to fill the room, and Ash realized that there in fact were other things babies could do. . .
It had now been almost an hour since Ash was left in the company of his nephew and he had already been thrown up on once, peed on twice, and seen things he thought could never come out of a just one baby.
If he thought Pokemon training was hard, babysitting was like the military. . in the rain. . . without tents.
Ash sighed, as he had finally managed to get a break while Pikachu and Bayleef were in the corner trying to determine if the bottle of milk was too hot or too cold.
This was a lot harder then he had thought, and it was obvious by the baby being partially covered in paper towel, wrapped up in cellophane, as some kind of alternative to a diaper, that he needed some serious help, fast.
"No way."
"Come on! Just for a while. Your good with kids, right?"
"Yes, and I've had enough screaming, crying, arguing, hair pulling, kick me in the shins, kids I could handle to last me a lifetime. Now it's your turn. Did you try Misty?" Brock suggested, wondering why Ash hadn't bothered to go for the obvious option.
""No, b'coz I'm thinking she wouldn't really be up for doing me favors right now." Ash said gaining a sulky expression as the memory of his last encounter with Misty was an unfortunate blow to the face. (Literally, seeing as how she gave him enough blows with her psycho-lady mallet so that he could feel it for weeks to follow.)
"Oh?" Questioned Brock, who had the feeling that a long dragging story involving Ash doing something stupid and Misty beating him up a couple times, was soon to follow.
"Yea. She's kinda pissed at me, after I sort of. . . accidentally. . . completely not on purpose. . . set half her kitchen on fire." Ash ended scratching his neck, and grinning sheepishly.
"Oh, yes." Brock said feeling familiar urges to smile rising in his nerves as he remembered quite clearly the aftermath of Misty's return home from work that day. "I DO recall the dreaded 'INCIDENT'."
"What were you doing in her kitchen anyway?" Brock asked, his senses now replaced with a sudden curiosity.
"I was cooking her something, to try and make up for taping over one of her stupid romance movies with Pokemon Battle Nationals.
And so, I can't ask her, and I can't ask Tracy because he's got an Oak thing to take care of, and even getting near Misty is out of the question, so that's where you come in. And I really don't know anything about babies! Which is exactly why I need you to help me. I'm an only child! I mean, what if it tries to pee again!"
"Well they do do that more then once, you know." Ash frowned. "So let me try to understand this. You can't ask Misty because you set her kitchen on fire making up for something stupid you did, only managing to do something stupid in the process?" Ash, nodded his head feebly over the mixed reception of the videophone. "I'm sorry to say this man, but I feel a good amount of pity for you right now."
Ash sighed.
"Sorry, Ash, but your on your own! I would, but I have other plans." Brock said matter-of-factly, feeling that his choice of words was as far necessary as he had to go in order to explain to Ash that he was busy. 'Besides,' Brock thought to himself, 'I don't want to.'
Brock could feel the mounds of questions arising as he saw Ash's suddenly anxious expression, mixed with confusion, and slight disbelief come in view.
"Plans? What plans?"
"I . . I have a date." Brock muttered, growing quieter toward the end of his sentence. So his original intention of keeping his plans discrete, and making sure Ash didn't go blabbing to the others that he was back on the market was lost in under six seconds of airtime. . . at least he still had his dignity.
"You. . . Have a date?" Ash asked feeling the corners of his lips grow into a curl, and completely forgetting the original topic of the phone call.
"YES. Is that so hard to believe! I'm twenty three, Dammit! I am a grown man! With, with needs!"
Okay, so the dignity was lost too.
"Yea. Ok." Ash muttered, having heard the same line for the past six years. "So, who is she?"
"You don't know her. Just, this girl from work."
"We work at the same place, Brock."
"Oh, so just 'coz your "Mister Somebody Big Shot Pokemon Master" you automatically just know everyone?"
"Well, NO. But I might know her! So tell me her name!"
"Okay fine, it's Rachel. How did we even get to this, anyway? I thought we were talking about you trying to get me to do something for you and me having plans. By the way, who's watching the baby while you're on the phone?"
"Uh, oh. . ." Brock took the sudden disappearance of Ash, a clear view of the back of Ash's living room, where Pikachu was wrestling his Nintendo, a rustle in the background, and a sudden yell of "NO! DON'T TOUCH THAT!" a crash and "Aw. . . I said not to touch that!" as a sign that their conversation was over.
"I know what I'm doing Pikachu. It says here, to mix contents with pork." Ash furrowed his brow and looked again at the little instruction sheet before folding it over and shoving it in the pocket of his jeans, then moving to the refrigerator to check for anything remotely pork looking.
Ash tapped his foot as he looked over the contents of his fridge and turned to glare at Pickachu who had managed to attach an "I'M WITH STUPID." sign to the baby's carrier.
Ash let out a heavy sigh before running his fingers through his hair in frustration. Apparently the instructions said he needed pork, and pork was what he was going to get. And the only way to do that was to do something he had not attempted for the past six weeks, as he figured, with the cash he had left, saltine crackers and water could keep him alive for at least three more days.
"Averson's Grocery store is having a 15% off sale for all cheesy items. Please bring all cheesy items to the checkout stands and claim that they are in fact cheesy items to recieve your fifteen % discount. Thank you." Said the rather dull and unhappy voice ringing throughout the isles of Averson's Grocery store.
"This is insane." Ash said while mosying along through the frozen food section of Averson's ever so quickly before the baby attempted to add another deposit to his diaper, which would force Ash to declare a stink bomb throughout the store and all of Averson's would be forced to evacuate.
"It should not be this hard to find plain pork. It's either beef, pork, or chicken. Why do they have to make things so difficult." Ash absentmindedly said to a slab of packaged . . . internal stuff, before tossing it back into the meat case. During his five minute exploration through the meat section, he had seen more animal parts scattered about then on a national geographic preditor vs. prey special.
Not that he watched that sort of stuff. . .
'Maybe this is why they don't let Pokemon in the store. . .' Ash thought '. . . It's like a massacre.'
Ash felt himself grin. He knew Misty would be impressed to hear he knew such a smart word. Disturbing. But, smart.
Ash heard a small sigh erupt from the cart and looked over to the baby who appeared to have this "You really have no idea what you're doing." mock look about him, as he sat staring at him for what Ash felt like was the hundredth time that afternoon.
"I know, I know. We're just going to have to try and get used to eatchother,
okay?" The baby opened its mouth to reveal two teeth and a mouthful of drool, and Ash took that as a 'yes'.
After finally getting what he needed, Ash moved over to the condiments isle to grab Pikachu a bottle of ketchup that he had promised to grab for him when he left.
And halfway down the isle, past the mustard and before the mayo he had spotted a very familiar head of fiery orange locks in red shorts and an enlarged white t-shirt, staring down at a can of relish. . .
Misty quirked a brow at her grocery clueless, prone to water and saltine crackers, friend and tapped her foot, while crossing both arms to signify that she only had so much patience left in her.
"Ash," Misty began, while Ash stood stiffly, hoping she didn't pay too much attention to his cart. "Is there something your not telling me?" Misty eyed, one hand gripping the relish, the other pointing toward the baby.
"Uh, you see. . ." Ash began, not really knowing where he was headed. "I-it's not mines! It's uh, someone else's. . ."Ash stammered.
"Well yea, I kind of figured." Misty smiled, noting Ash's nervousness. "Babysitting?"
"Er. . . Yea. You noticed, did yah?" Ash asked stupidly, while Misty shot him a blank stare. "Well, uh. I guess I outta just go and ask you, now that it's out in the open and everything."
"Ask me?" Ash nodded, and Misty was slightly confused.
"Yea. Well, yah see, I don't really know nothing about taking care of babies, so I was kind of wondering if you'd. . ." Misty's eyes widened, and Ash was cut short mid-sentence.
"Ooh, no. There's no way I'm doing any favors for you! Have you forgotten already, Ash? A particular FRYING incident?"
"Well, yah, but . . ."
"I'm STILL trying to shave the burnt tiles off my kitchen surface!" Ash winced, as Misty's voice grew louder, causing the curly red-headed woman, down the isle to urge her son to stop staring at the "angry couple".
"I said I was sorry! Here, how about I make it up to you by cooking you din-" It was either something internal, or the bitter look on Misty's face that told Ash not to finish that sentence if he wanted to live.
"Come on Mist! One little favor, pleeeeaaase??" Ash pleaded, grabbing Misty by the hands and kneeling in such a way that made a nearby bearded man whisper to a woman "Oh, look a proposal." And Ash's eyes bulged.
"One little favor? This coming from the boy who refused to run out and get me some cranberry juice when I had that, that. . . problem."
"But, we're best friends! Best friends are supposed to do help-ish stuff. . . right?"
"Are you serious." Misty muttered, narrowing her eyes.
"Yes! I'm in serious need of help here!" Ash urged.
"Gee, I feel so sorry for you." Misty replied, sarcasm seeping through her deathly gaze.
Ash frowned. She was still mad at him. Well, any primeape in its partially right mind could see that. But, the real question was, how would he get her to soften up and agree to help him.
From the corner of his eye, Ash saw a small movement and his eyes positioned on the baby. Something clicked in Ash's brain, because he suddenly had the perfect plan to lure Misty into an afternoon of diaper changing.
Ash quickly swept up the baby and held him up in front of Misty.
"Ash, what're you doing? If you think for one second that you can sugar me up into falling in love with this baby, then you're wrong." Misty attempted to shut one of her eyelids and back away in protest, but faltered.
"Come on, Misty. Do you honestly want to say no to such a cute face like this?" Ash crammed on.
The baby stared at Misty for a moment, coo-d, then reached both arms out for her, as Ash grinned while continuing to hold up the baby, knowing that his plan was working by the weak look on Misty's face.
"Ogh! This is ridiculous. It's not working Ash so just give up while your still-
The baby smiled and revealed only one sad little tooth.
Misty looked toward Ash who was attempting to mirror the baby's expression, and shook her head.
"You're a real jerk for getting me while I'm so comfortable with being mad at you, you know that." Misty said finally before taking the baby in her own arms and setting him down back in his carrier.
Ash gave a sly grin and took hold of his cart. "Face it Misty. I am just too lovable to stay mad at."
Misty smirked as she moved over to her own cart and followed behind. "Yea, right. Don't think I'm doing this for you Ash. I'm still mad at you, you know. I'm just thinking about the baby. I whole day with only you to tend to him? I'd want help from me too."
End Part One
Authors Note: Well. That's part one. This'll be two parts by the way. I hope. Oh, and don't ask me where I got "Diana" and "Pete". It was impulse naming. . .
Part Two: More peeing, more diapers, more usual baby stuff. . . 'cept with Misty and some wide range confusion. O.o
That outta' be fun.
Oh yeah. In the next part we'll find out the baby's name (hint: It will definitely be neither "Diana" nor "Pete". . . If we're lucky. Coz, that baby would get some serious arse kicking in high school for being male and having the name Diana. O.O)
Also, we'll get to see what Ash does with that pork. ::more wide staring::
TA TA!
-Trix