You What Now?
~*~
Welcome to my second post-Telling fic. After trying my hand at angst I decided to go back to my original love, humour, and here's the result. Some might wonder why bother with a post-Telling fic since some countries, and people with illegal tendencies, have already seen well into season 3 but whatever. I haven't and besides, I started this ages ago and have only just now finished it.
Disclaimer: Well, I thought they were mine but my psychologist tells me otherwise. Then again my psychologist also tells me Alias isn't real so I'm not sure I should believe him.
~*~
Sydney just stared in shock at the man sitting across from her. Two years? It just wasn't possible. And the ring, what the hell was the ring about?
"Vaughn." She began to speak.
"Yes, Syd?" He leaned closer to her.
"Why are you wearing a wedding ring? And.." She raised her voice and continued after seeing his mouth open as if to reply. "I feel I must point out than an unsatisfactory answer will result in much unpleasantness for you. I may be disorientated, scared and have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on, but I'm pretty sure I can still beat you to a pulp."
"Ah." Vaughn replied, before standing and moving to the other side of the room. "Well, you see. I went to pick you up for our trip and I found Will and Allison Doren in your rather smashed up apartment. You weren't there so I just assumed you'd cancelled on me and when you didn't call to explain I thought you weren't interested in me any more. So I went to a bar, got really, really drunk and woke up the next morning married to some woman named Lauren."
Sydney looked down at her hands for a while as though considering what she had just heard.
"Do you love her?"
"Well she does have certain benefits." Vaughn shrugged.
"What?" Sydney asked incredulously.
"Yeah, you know. Married couples get tax breaks and the ring stops all those ugly women throwing themselves at me as I walk along the street."
"Oh, but what about Lauren? How do you feel about her?"
"Who?"
"Your wife."
"Oh, right. No she left a couple of hours after we woke up. She keeps in contact, writes occasionally, you know. Last I heard I think she was part of some cult that were all planning to kill themselves on the next full moon so the mothership could take them home. Hmm." He looked up in deep thought and started muttering to himself.
"What?" Sydney asked, confused.
"Nothing. I'm just trying to work out if I'm a widower or not." He continued his deliberation for a few more seconds before breaking out into a grin. "Yeah, the full moon was three days ago. She should be halfway to her home planet by now!"
"Right." Sydney wondered if she could go to sleep and wake up somewhere else again.
"So, you want to go back to L.A.? Everyone's waiting for you."
"Really?"
"Yeah, well Dixon was busy, but he sent a card. Here, I'll show you." He handed her the card, which showed a picture of a cake and the words "Happy Birthday" scribbled out carelessly. Opening it she saw that the birthday wishes inside had also been scribbled out and that Dixon had written his own greeting.
'Dear Syd, congratulations on not being dead. See you at Christmas. Dix.'
"Well, that's sweet. I guess." Sydney stared at the message.
"We all thought so. In fact we considered sending a big card with all our names on, but it seemed like so much effort to make everyone sign it, and we'd have had to find a good one, which you know is so hard to do in those card shops. Plus do you know how much cards that size cost? The C.I.A. doesn't have the budget for those things!"
"It's all right. I appreciate the thought." She smiled up at him. "Are we going to go back now?"
"Back where? Oh, right. To L.A. Sorry, forgot what we were supposed to be doing for a minute there. Yeah, let's go."
Just as the two stood up to leave the door opened and another person entered the room.
"Marshall?" Sydney asked, more confused than ever.
"Er, yeah, hi Syd. It's good to see you, after we thought, well you know. But yeah I just, that is I..."
"Why are you here?" Vaughn asked, as equally confused as Sydney.
"Um, well, the thing is. I have no idea. I just, came to be here. Last thing I knew I was home and now, poof, here I am. It's a bit, well, strange."
"Tell me about it." Sydney muttered.
"Right." Vaughn looked around. "I guess we should all be heading back now."
"Wait! Don't I get some sort of explanation as to why I'm, you know, here and not where I was and should be. Carrie's going to be worried." Marshall asked tentatively.
"Hey! If he gets an explanation I should too!" Sydney was indignant. "I lost two years of my life, he just finds himself magically transported thousands of miles, I'm the more important one here!"
"As usual." Vaughn rolled his eyes, then realised he was being given the Bristow death glare. "Er, I mean. Of course you're more important, it's usual for that to be the case, because you're the one who's usually in trouble and usually does all the work and as usual you need the explanation because as usual you're more important...Darling."
Vaughn's hopeful face and frenzied babbling helped calm Sydney's anger, but she still wanted to know what the hell was going on and had a yearning to beat someone's head in. Soon. Really soon.
~*~
The flight back to L.A. was fairly uneventful. Vaughn attempted to melt his wedding ring with a lighter. Needless to say he was unsuccessful and received a good telling off from one of the crew.
Upon arrival they found conspicuous government issue cars waiting to take them to the Ops Centre, or Joint Task Force headquarters, or whatever it's called.
Just as Vaughn had promised when Sydney entered the rotunda she found her father and friends waiting for her. Except Dixon, cos he had something else to do. And Francie. Cos she's dead.
"Hey Syd! Good to see you!" Weiss walked up and enveloped her in a huge hug, only letting her go when he realised that her need for oxygen was rather pressing. Will followed suit, but held her in such a way that she was able to breathe.
Jack made no move to approach his daughter, and the hurt was clearly visible in Sydney's eyes. Everyone else turned and looked at him expectantly.
"I'm not believing anything until you can prove she is who she says she is."
"What? Dad, it's me! It's Sydney."
"How can I know that?"
"Dad, you've got to believe me. I don't know what's happened, but it's me. It really is."
"You could be a clone, like Francie and that Ethan Hawke guy. Or Sloane may have brainwashed you into working for him. Or aliens could have replaced your brain with someone elses and you're really a stranger in my daughters body while Sydney is walking around in yours."
"Riiiight. Has he been on any drugs these past two years?" Sydney looked around the other faces in the room, all of which scrunched up in confusion.
"Maybe you're Irina with a face lift! Or a past version of her who has travelled forwards in time for some nefarious reason."
"Seriously. No drugs?" Sydney's repeated question was met with unified shaking of heads.
"Or, you could be a magic leprechaun, we all know how tricky those guys are. This could all be part of some bigger plot to replace the American government with evil pixies."
"Evil pixies?"
"Ha! So you admit it! You work for the evil pixies, don't you? Don't you?!" Jack was advancing on her with a manic look in his eye and the others had to stand between them to protect her from him.
"Jack, calm down." Vaughn tried to reason with him. "I know this must be difficult for you to accept, but Sydney is alive, and she's here. There are no evil pixies. Remember? Remember what the doctor said? It's all in your mind."
"Right. All in my mind." Jack was calming down now. "I suppose this means there aren't any gigantic unicorns either?"
"Exactly." Vaughn nodded.
"Okay, I'm fine. I'm good. No evil pixies, no gigantic unicorns, no terrifying blobs trying to take over the world by infiltrating the minds of children."
"Well, actually, those exist."
"They do?"
"Yes. They're the Boohbahs."
"Oh. Right." Jack wandered off in a disorientated haze, walking into several desks and chairs as he hummed the theme to The Flintstones.
All thoughts of going after him were forgotten as Sydney noticed another person enter the area.
"Francie?"
"It's so good to see you Syd!" She hurried over to hug her friend and was surprised when Sydney stepped backwards.
"But, but how? Is it really you?" She kept staring at her best friend. Vaughn was the one who answered her question.
"It's really her Sydney. We retrieved her when we raided the hideouts of one of Sloanes associates. All the tests confirm she's the real deal."
"That's so wonderful!" Sydney rushed to hug her friend. "I'm so glad to see you Real Francie."
Francie pulled away and looked around the room exasperated. "Why does everyone keep calling me that?!"
~*~
To Be Continued...
~*~
Please review. Oh, and the J/I will be in the next part. Promise.
~*~
Welcome to my second post-Telling fic. After trying my hand at angst I decided to go back to my original love, humour, and here's the result. Some might wonder why bother with a post-Telling fic since some countries, and people with illegal tendencies, have already seen well into season 3 but whatever. I haven't and besides, I started this ages ago and have only just now finished it.
Disclaimer: Well, I thought they were mine but my psychologist tells me otherwise. Then again my psychologist also tells me Alias isn't real so I'm not sure I should believe him.
~*~
Sydney just stared in shock at the man sitting across from her. Two years? It just wasn't possible. And the ring, what the hell was the ring about?
"Vaughn." She began to speak.
"Yes, Syd?" He leaned closer to her.
"Why are you wearing a wedding ring? And.." She raised her voice and continued after seeing his mouth open as if to reply. "I feel I must point out than an unsatisfactory answer will result in much unpleasantness for you. I may be disorientated, scared and have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on, but I'm pretty sure I can still beat you to a pulp."
"Ah." Vaughn replied, before standing and moving to the other side of the room. "Well, you see. I went to pick you up for our trip and I found Will and Allison Doren in your rather smashed up apartment. You weren't there so I just assumed you'd cancelled on me and when you didn't call to explain I thought you weren't interested in me any more. So I went to a bar, got really, really drunk and woke up the next morning married to some woman named Lauren."
Sydney looked down at her hands for a while as though considering what she had just heard.
"Do you love her?"
"Well she does have certain benefits." Vaughn shrugged.
"What?" Sydney asked incredulously.
"Yeah, you know. Married couples get tax breaks and the ring stops all those ugly women throwing themselves at me as I walk along the street."
"Oh, but what about Lauren? How do you feel about her?"
"Who?"
"Your wife."
"Oh, right. No she left a couple of hours after we woke up. She keeps in contact, writes occasionally, you know. Last I heard I think she was part of some cult that were all planning to kill themselves on the next full moon so the mothership could take them home. Hmm." He looked up in deep thought and started muttering to himself.
"What?" Sydney asked, confused.
"Nothing. I'm just trying to work out if I'm a widower or not." He continued his deliberation for a few more seconds before breaking out into a grin. "Yeah, the full moon was three days ago. She should be halfway to her home planet by now!"
"Right." Sydney wondered if she could go to sleep and wake up somewhere else again.
"So, you want to go back to L.A.? Everyone's waiting for you."
"Really?"
"Yeah, well Dixon was busy, but he sent a card. Here, I'll show you." He handed her the card, which showed a picture of a cake and the words "Happy Birthday" scribbled out carelessly. Opening it she saw that the birthday wishes inside had also been scribbled out and that Dixon had written his own greeting.
'Dear Syd, congratulations on not being dead. See you at Christmas. Dix.'
"Well, that's sweet. I guess." Sydney stared at the message.
"We all thought so. In fact we considered sending a big card with all our names on, but it seemed like so much effort to make everyone sign it, and we'd have had to find a good one, which you know is so hard to do in those card shops. Plus do you know how much cards that size cost? The C.I.A. doesn't have the budget for those things!"
"It's all right. I appreciate the thought." She smiled up at him. "Are we going to go back now?"
"Back where? Oh, right. To L.A. Sorry, forgot what we were supposed to be doing for a minute there. Yeah, let's go."
Just as the two stood up to leave the door opened and another person entered the room.
"Marshall?" Sydney asked, more confused than ever.
"Er, yeah, hi Syd. It's good to see you, after we thought, well you know. But yeah I just, that is I..."
"Why are you here?" Vaughn asked, as equally confused as Sydney.
"Um, well, the thing is. I have no idea. I just, came to be here. Last thing I knew I was home and now, poof, here I am. It's a bit, well, strange."
"Tell me about it." Sydney muttered.
"Right." Vaughn looked around. "I guess we should all be heading back now."
"Wait! Don't I get some sort of explanation as to why I'm, you know, here and not where I was and should be. Carrie's going to be worried." Marshall asked tentatively.
"Hey! If he gets an explanation I should too!" Sydney was indignant. "I lost two years of my life, he just finds himself magically transported thousands of miles, I'm the more important one here!"
"As usual." Vaughn rolled his eyes, then realised he was being given the Bristow death glare. "Er, I mean. Of course you're more important, it's usual for that to be the case, because you're the one who's usually in trouble and usually does all the work and as usual you need the explanation because as usual you're more important...Darling."
Vaughn's hopeful face and frenzied babbling helped calm Sydney's anger, but she still wanted to know what the hell was going on and had a yearning to beat someone's head in. Soon. Really soon.
~*~
The flight back to L.A. was fairly uneventful. Vaughn attempted to melt his wedding ring with a lighter. Needless to say he was unsuccessful and received a good telling off from one of the crew.
Upon arrival they found conspicuous government issue cars waiting to take them to the Ops Centre, or Joint Task Force headquarters, or whatever it's called.
Just as Vaughn had promised when Sydney entered the rotunda she found her father and friends waiting for her. Except Dixon, cos he had something else to do. And Francie. Cos she's dead.
"Hey Syd! Good to see you!" Weiss walked up and enveloped her in a huge hug, only letting her go when he realised that her need for oxygen was rather pressing. Will followed suit, but held her in such a way that she was able to breathe.
Jack made no move to approach his daughter, and the hurt was clearly visible in Sydney's eyes. Everyone else turned and looked at him expectantly.
"I'm not believing anything until you can prove she is who she says she is."
"What? Dad, it's me! It's Sydney."
"How can I know that?"
"Dad, you've got to believe me. I don't know what's happened, but it's me. It really is."
"You could be a clone, like Francie and that Ethan Hawke guy. Or Sloane may have brainwashed you into working for him. Or aliens could have replaced your brain with someone elses and you're really a stranger in my daughters body while Sydney is walking around in yours."
"Riiiight. Has he been on any drugs these past two years?" Sydney looked around the other faces in the room, all of which scrunched up in confusion.
"Maybe you're Irina with a face lift! Or a past version of her who has travelled forwards in time for some nefarious reason."
"Seriously. No drugs?" Sydney's repeated question was met with unified shaking of heads.
"Or, you could be a magic leprechaun, we all know how tricky those guys are. This could all be part of some bigger plot to replace the American government with evil pixies."
"Evil pixies?"
"Ha! So you admit it! You work for the evil pixies, don't you? Don't you?!" Jack was advancing on her with a manic look in his eye and the others had to stand between them to protect her from him.
"Jack, calm down." Vaughn tried to reason with him. "I know this must be difficult for you to accept, but Sydney is alive, and she's here. There are no evil pixies. Remember? Remember what the doctor said? It's all in your mind."
"Right. All in my mind." Jack was calming down now. "I suppose this means there aren't any gigantic unicorns either?"
"Exactly." Vaughn nodded.
"Okay, I'm fine. I'm good. No evil pixies, no gigantic unicorns, no terrifying blobs trying to take over the world by infiltrating the minds of children."
"Well, actually, those exist."
"They do?"
"Yes. They're the Boohbahs."
"Oh. Right." Jack wandered off in a disorientated haze, walking into several desks and chairs as he hummed the theme to The Flintstones.
All thoughts of going after him were forgotten as Sydney noticed another person enter the area.
"Francie?"
"It's so good to see you Syd!" She hurried over to hug her friend and was surprised when Sydney stepped backwards.
"But, but how? Is it really you?" She kept staring at her best friend. Vaughn was the one who answered her question.
"It's really her Sydney. We retrieved her when we raided the hideouts of one of Sloanes associates. All the tests confirm she's the real deal."
"That's so wonderful!" Sydney rushed to hug her friend. "I'm so glad to see you Real Francie."
Francie pulled away and looked around the room exasperated. "Why does everyone keep calling me that?!"
~*~
To Be Continued...
~*~
Please review. Oh, and the J/I will be in the next part. Promise.