You What Now?
Part III
Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! To show my gratitude I have gifts for you all. *Starts handing out tin foil hats*
And now, the third and final part:
~*~
When Sydney and Vaughn returned to his apartment after work they were shocked to find it full of roses, candlelight and Jack Bristow tidying up.
"Oh you're here, excellent. We'll be out of the way soon."
"Dad?" Sydney stepped forward cautiously. "What are you doing?"
"It wasn't my idea." He held up his hands in surrender. "It was your mother's. I didn't think we should, but you know her, she can be very persuasive." The faraway look in his eyes told her he wasn't talking about the usual 'I'm-a-highly-skilled-agent-and-I-can-kill-you-with-my-bare-hands- in-two-seconds-flat' type of persuasive.
Just at that moment Irina popped her head out of the kitchen.
"Dinner's almost ready dear, make yourselves comfortable."
Sydney stood there and blinked a couple of times before she moved again. "Right, would you excuse us for a minute?"
She grabbed Vaughn's hand and dragged him into the bedroom.
"Okay, I have had to come to terms with some very strange things since my return but this, this is too weird."
"Maybe they're just being nice because they're pleased you're back?"
"Vaughn, honey? Just agree with me and everything will be all right. Okay?"
"Yes dear."
"Good, now..." she trailed off as she noticed something. Walking across the room she grabbed the small container and stalked back into the living room.
"Okay. Who replace my birth control pills with tic tacs?" She rattled the box in front of her parents.
"Oh, you noticed that huh?" Irina looked down sheepishly.
"Well yes, it wasn't difficult since all you did was take a normal box of tic tacs and write "Sydney's birth control pills" over the label!"
"You know you've only been back a day. How'd you get them so fast anyway?" Irina cocked her head to the side inquisitively.
"Oh no, you don't get to change the subject. I want an explanation! For that, and for this bizarre romantic set up you've got going in here."
"Why are you so upset? We just wanted to do something nice for you and Vaughn. You've been apart for so long I thought it would be a good idea to speed things up. You know you're not getting any younger."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Sydney put her hands on her hips and attempted to stare her mother down. The two men, who had wisely stayed out of the discussion until this point ran for cover wherever they could find it."
"It means you're in your thirties and still nothing. When I was your age I'd already got married, had a child and faked my death! You're moving too slow." Both women were practically shouting by now
"Too slow? Too slow for what?"
"For my grandchildren! Where are they?"
"Mom! I'm not even married yet!"
"Well hop to it missy. I haven't got forever and I'd like to have some time with them before I die. You know I never got to threaten your teenage boyfriends, I'll threaten theirs instead."
"What if I have sons?"
"Then I'll threaten their girlfriends."
Seeing the conversation taking a slightly weird turn Jack decided now was the time to step in. He carefully guided his wife out of the apartment, doing his best to ignore the fact that she had started giving their daughter sex tips as they went.
Silence fell as the door slammed shut and Vaughn and Sydney were left alone in the apartment.
"Well..."
"That..."
"Was my mother wearing an apron?"
"I think so."
"It's the apocalypse isn't it?"
"I think so."
~*~
Back at work the next morning the office's attempt to construct the world's longest paper chain was interrupted by the arrival of two familiar faces. A meeting was called and soon Sydney and co gathered in the briefing room to hear what they had to say.
The younger man stood up at the front of the room.
"Good morning ladies and gentlemen. My name is Mr Sark and this is my associate Mr Sloane." Everyone nodded in greeting. "We're here to apply for a renewal of our position as series bad guys. If you look at the folders we've placed in front of you I think you'll see why we make excellent candidates for the job. We've already proven ourselves as worthy adversaries to both the CIA and more specially Ms Bristow herself."
The group read through their information and nodded in agreement before Sark continued.
"Therefore we think it would be in everyone's best interest to sort out the paperwork as quickly as possible. Mr Kendall, in your folder you'll find the necessary forms, if you could be so kind as to sign at the bottom."
Kendall flicked through the pieces of paper until he found what he was looking for. After reading it through he pulled out his pen and scribbled his name at the bottom.
"There you go Mr Sark. I'm looking forward to working against you again." He handed over the paper and the two men shook hands.
"Well now that we're officially adversaries again I think it would be in our best interest if my colleague and I left now. I trust you'll give us the customary three day head start."
"Of course. Never let it be said that we're not good sports."
Kendall and Sark nodded in acknowledgment and the two reinstated bad guys left to go and plot their dastardly plans.
"So what shall we do for three days?" Dixon addressed his question to the room.
"Pictionary?" The suggestion came from Sydney. The groan that followed came from everyone else.
~*~
One week later.
"Where on earth are they?" Sark paced back and forth in his and Sloane's new den of iniquity. "That's the second mission I've gone on where no one from the CIA has even bothered to show up!"
"Look on the bright side, it means your missions were successes." An unimportant evil minion attempted to placate his boss.
"But that's not the point. I wanted to taunt Sydney." Sark's lower lip jutted out in a pout as he sat down with his arms crossed.
"Well maybe they'll show up next time."
"They better. Otherwise this spy stuff is just boring."
~*~
Over at JTF there was a conference room full of tired and irritable people.
"Please Sydney, I want to go home." Weiss' voice was muffled by the arms he was resting on, which actually belonged to Marshall, but at this point he was beyond caring.
"No. I told you, no one leaves until someone correctly guesses my drawing. Come on, it's not difficult."
Sydney was standing at the front of the room pointing wildly at something that vaguely resembled a squiggle with horns.
Everyone else in the room was on the verge of falling asleep, including Kendall who, thanks to an earlier attempt at escape, was currently tied to a chair.
This was going to take a while.
~*~
And so, gentle readers, the world of evil espionage is safe once more from those who would seek to destroy it. Maybe, some time in the future, the forces of the CIA will once again turn their attention to fighting criminal organisations but for now it would be advisable to take advantage of this lull in activity for your own nefarious purposes. Which is why I will be leaving you now...Business to take care of...Bye.
~*~
Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! To show my gratitude I have gifts for you all. *Starts handing out tin foil hats*
And now, the third and final part:
~*~
When Sydney and Vaughn returned to his apartment after work they were shocked to find it full of roses, candlelight and Jack Bristow tidying up.
"Oh you're here, excellent. We'll be out of the way soon."
"Dad?" Sydney stepped forward cautiously. "What are you doing?"
"It wasn't my idea." He held up his hands in surrender. "It was your mother's. I didn't think we should, but you know her, she can be very persuasive." The faraway look in his eyes told her he wasn't talking about the usual 'I'm-a-highly-skilled-agent-and-I-can-kill-you-with-my-bare-hands- in-two-seconds-flat' type of persuasive.
Just at that moment Irina popped her head out of the kitchen.
"Dinner's almost ready dear, make yourselves comfortable."
Sydney stood there and blinked a couple of times before she moved again. "Right, would you excuse us for a minute?"
She grabbed Vaughn's hand and dragged him into the bedroom.
"Okay, I have had to come to terms with some very strange things since my return but this, this is too weird."
"Maybe they're just being nice because they're pleased you're back?"
"Vaughn, honey? Just agree with me and everything will be all right. Okay?"
"Yes dear."
"Good, now..." she trailed off as she noticed something. Walking across the room she grabbed the small container and stalked back into the living room.
"Okay. Who replace my birth control pills with tic tacs?" She rattled the box in front of her parents.
"Oh, you noticed that huh?" Irina looked down sheepishly.
"Well yes, it wasn't difficult since all you did was take a normal box of tic tacs and write "Sydney's birth control pills" over the label!"
"You know you've only been back a day. How'd you get them so fast anyway?" Irina cocked her head to the side inquisitively.
"Oh no, you don't get to change the subject. I want an explanation! For that, and for this bizarre romantic set up you've got going in here."
"Why are you so upset? We just wanted to do something nice for you and Vaughn. You've been apart for so long I thought it would be a good idea to speed things up. You know you're not getting any younger."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Sydney put her hands on her hips and attempted to stare her mother down. The two men, who had wisely stayed out of the discussion until this point ran for cover wherever they could find it."
"It means you're in your thirties and still nothing. When I was your age I'd already got married, had a child and faked my death! You're moving too slow." Both women were practically shouting by now
"Too slow? Too slow for what?"
"For my grandchildren! Where are they?"
"Mom! I'm not even married yet!"
"Well hop to it missy. I haven't got forever and I'd like to have some time with them before I die. You know I never got to threaten your teenage boyfriends, I'll threaten theirs instead."
"What if I have sons?"
"Then I'll threaten their girlfriends."
Seeing the conversation taking a slightly weird turn Jack decided now was the time to step in. He carefully guided his wife out of the apartment, doing his best to ignore the fact that she had started giving their daughter sex tips as they went.
Silence fell as the door slammed shut and Vaughn and Sydney were left alone in the apartment.
"Well..."
"That..."
"Was my mother wearing an apron?"
"I think so."
"It's the apocalypse isn't it?"
"I think so."
~*~
Back at work the next morning the office's attempt to construct the world's longest paper chain was interrupted by the arrival of two familiar faces. A meeting was called and soon Sydney and co gathered in the briefing room to hear what they had to say.
The younger man stood up at the front of the room.
"Good morning ladies and gentlemen. My name is Mr Sark and this is my associate Mr Sloane." Everyone nodded in greeting. "We're here to apply for a renewal of our position as series bad guys. If you look at the folders we've placed in front of you I think you'll see why we make excellent candidates for the job. We've already proven ourselves as worthy adversaries to both the CIA and more specially Ms Bristow herself."
The group read through their information and nodded in agreement before Sark continued.
"Therefore we think it would be in everyone's best interest to sort out the paperwork as quickly as possible. Mr Kendall, in your folder you'll find the necessary forms, if you could be so kind as to sign at the bottom."
Kendall flicked through the pieces of paper until he found what he was looking for. After reading it through he pulled out his pen and scribbled his name at the bottom.
"There you go Mr Sark. I'm looking forward to working against you again." He handed over the paper and the two men shook hands.
"Well now that we're officially adversaries again I think it would be in our best interest if my colleague and I left now. I trust you'll give us the customary three day head start."
"Of course. Never let it be said that we're not good sports."
Kendall and Sark nodded in acknowledgment and the two reinstated bad guys left to go and plot their dastardly plans.
"So what shall we do for three days?" Dixon addressed his question to the room.
"Pictionary?" The suggestion came from Sydney. The groan that followed came from everyone else.
~*~
One week later.
"Where on earth are they?" Sark paced back and forth in his and Sloane's new den of iniquity. "That's the second mission I've gone on where no one from the CIA has even bothered to show up!"
"Look on the bright side, it means your missions were successes." An unimportant evil minion attempted to placate his boss.
"But that's not the point. I wanted to taunt Sydney." Sark's lower lip jutted out in a pout as he sat down with his arms crossed.
"Well maybe they'll show up next time."
"They better. Otherwise this spy stuff is just boring."
~*~
Over at JTF there was a conference room full of tired and irritable people.
"Please Sydney, I want to go home." Weiss' voice was muffled by the arms he was resting on, which actually belonged to Marshall, but at this point he was beyond caring.
"No. I told you, no one leaves until someone correctly guesses my drawing. Come on, it's not difficult."
Sydney was standing at the front of the room pointing wildly at something that vaguely resembled a squiggle with horns.
Everyone else in the room was on the verge of falling asleep, including Kendall who, thanks to an earlier attempt at escape, was currently tied to a chair.
This was going to take a while.
~*~
And so, gentle readers, the world of evil espionage is safe once more from those who would seek to destroy it. Maybe, some time in the future, the forces of the CIA will once again turn their attention to fighting criminal organisations but for now it would be advisable to take advantage of this lull in activity for your own nefarious purposes. Which is why I will be leaving you now...Business to take care of...Bye.
~*~