Warnings- Severe drug content. I do not condone the taking of drugs, drugs
are uber bad, so if anyone wants to get out of their faces on drugs of any
kind please don't say "Linz told me to", that's my excuse, well Cat tells
me to, but that's a conversation for another day.
The point is that drugs are bad and if you take them it's not my fault, unless I give them to you, and even then I won't FORCE you to take it, Savvy?
So if you have like an uber problem with my characters taking drugs, then tough, it's my fic and it's not like I can stop them from doing it, you try telling them that they can't, cause they're already telling me to "fuck off" at the thought of it.
Disclaimers- I don't own the boys, but I think I own a couple bottles of rum, which is almost as good in my books, rum don't complain and hit on you........... well it depends on how drunk you are at the time.
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Last time Cash's pov,
"Cash, is that mushrooms?" she points to a big box of, well mushrooms of the uber magic variety, Depp starts to shriek in amusement and anticipation........... like he was getting any, poor guy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~###~~~~~~~~~
After some close consideration, we decided not to eat the mushrooms.
Actually we had no choice in the matter, due to the fact that as soon as our back were turned that little, fuck pig of a monkey jumped in to the box and started to consume every type of mushroom shaped thing in there.
By the time we'd stopped him and locked him in the chest, there was none left. Okay there was a few left, but not enough to do the two of us any good. So we're fighting over what's left.
"Cash, you really don't want to be tripping with me around sober, do you?" we're standing toe to toe. Depp is screeching in the chest, but its only frustration, the trip hasn't gotten him yet, although I don't know what that amount of mushrooms will do to someone his size
"Hell yeah, sides you won't be sober, we'll get you a good proper dosage of laudanum, and....." I look to the Cupboard of magical tricks to help me come up with an alternative, to magically procure a solution to our lack of hallucinogen problem.
"No I want those fucking mushrooms now" she all but shouts, we're going to have to be more quiet, or else the Captains attention will be brought to us. Still looking in the Cupboard, willing it, in desperation to show me something better, I speak to her.
"Cat... love. You're going to have to stop shouting because...." I trail off having noticed something on the top shelf.
"Because what?" she snaps, over Depp's constant shrieking.
"Y'know what? Let's give the little basterd the rest o' the mushrooms, let him suffer, it might even teach him a lesson. Why should we fight over them?" she eyes me suspiciously, meanwhile Depp has gone silent, obviously waiting to see if we're going to give him more drugs.
"What have you spotted?"
"Something good, but we'll need to get that fluffy fucker, fucked first, savvy?" I rush the last five words joining them together so he can't understand me. She gives me one last doubtful look before agreeing.
As we opened the lid, the little basterd launches himself out of the chest and into the cupboard, where he begins to stuff his face with the remaining mushrooms, making snarffling sounds as he pushes them into his mouth. Once finished he looks from Cat to me then yelps at something next to him and runs under the bed.
"Well, somebody's going to have quiet a ride for the next few hours. So, Cash what have you seen in there?" she motions to the cupboard.
"Few hours? He'll be like that for days, and judging by the amount for his body mass its going to be a bad trip or at least a heavy one" I can't keep the laughter from my voice as I speak, Depp's going to have it bad for a little while.
"I thought that you were the nice one and I was the bad one. Obviously not, seen as how you take pleasure in the pain of an innocent animal."
"Innocent? The basterd stole my mushrooms. Anyway do you or do you not want to see what I've found?"
"Sure go ahead, it better not be that grass, cus I can see it from here, and knew we had it." I reach up to the top shelf and grab a basket and show her the contents.
"Do you know what this is?" she peers into the basket.
"You mean to tell me that you don't know! (She slaps me hard across the face) We gave, that overgrown sea monkey the last of our mushrooms, just because you wanted to know what's in your basket? Now, your going to have to take a time out, so that you can think about this situation and when you get back, just try and tell me that it wasn't the stupidest idea that you've EVER had"
She makes a move to slap me, but I grab her hand with my free one, but I only have one free hand and she's pulling with the other. She's going to knock me clean out if I don't do something so I shout the only thing to make her stop.
"MESCALINE!"
She blinks and stops mid swing.
"What?"
"That's what's in the basket, mescaline..... well not quite. It's dried parts of a cactus, and judging by the other substances in the cupboard, I recon that's its peyote." She looks confused.
"Huh? A pe-whaty?" she really has no idea, I pause a moment before answering her enjoying the feeling of getting one up on her for once, not as good, I suppose as getting one UP her... I just can't have one moment of peaceful thought by myself without one of those cropping up can in? Anyway....
"A peyote cactus, it produces mescaline. Or well, contains it at least all we have to do is chew them then wait." She picks one of the pieces out and studies it.
"How long do we have to wait?"
"'Bout an hour" she pops the thing in her mouth and starts to chew. I get a piece and follow her example as I do Depp briefly sticks his head out from under the bed then squeals and scurries back. He's in quiet a place right now; in fact his brain may never recover from the things he's seeing. I almost feel sorry for him.... Almost.
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A/n- So poor little Depp, I'd just like to say at this point that no animals were harmed during the typing of this chapter, trust Cat to pick up the only substance abusing monkey on the planet, 'cept maybe the monkey from Dr Dolittle, but I think Depp could take him any day.
Alright, here we go, but first I just want to point out that not everything that Cash says or sees is true. But I think that's kinda self explanetary.
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"Doctors Log- drug count; two large cacti, some grass and a whole lotta mushrooms."
(I read aloud as I write, in a very star trek sounding way. I've decided to keep a record of our journey using the last doctors books, so that we'll remember it if nothing else)
It's been two hours since we ate the cactus, for scientific research purposes only, I am a doctor after all I must know the effects of the drug myself before I pass them on to my patients, we had no idea how much to take, so we ate a lot of it, now we suffer the consequences of our own experimentation.
Cat, my psychotic companion on this trip, is lying on the floor, mumbling incoherently about butterflies and interestingly enough daffodils, yellow ones at that, evil creatures they be.
Security officer Depp, the muscle in this mission, took an oath of sobriety so that he could protect us if something went wrong, but even he, yes I said even he, our pillar of strength and in-corruptibility has been corrupted by the drug frenzy that I see before me.
He swallowed one or two mushrooms, poor fellow. He now believes himself to be invisible and is currently prancing around the room wearing some form of pillow case while making ghost-like noises.
Why doesn't anyone tell him that he's not invisible? Well, to tell you the truth I'm scared. I would tell him, but he seems to have made friends with a ghost. It's a cunning fiend, to be sure; every time Depp disappears this friend of his suddenly appears in his place, it scares me and its unnatural to say the least. If I stay still and pretend not to see it, it leaves me alone and carries about its business.
As for me, I thankfully remain unaffected by the cacti's strange ways. For now anyway.
This is Doctor Bates, signing out.
##
Slowly, I look up to see that Depp has stopped his frolicking and is crouching by the door, peering out of the key hole. He turns to me.
"You should see this man, over there... two pirates fucking a polar bear" I sit up in the chair and look at him and he just stares back smiling.
He spoke... did he speak?... Can he speak? What he did he say? Two pirates and a polar bear? Making love? Surely not, only now as I filter the monkey's words through my brain do I realise just how seriously wrong they are. I can't cope with this information right now.
"Don't tell me that shit right now man, I'm not equipped for that much baggage" I close my eyes and rub them with my hand. All I can hear is the sound of Cat singing a song about daffodil shaped butterflies she's just made up. I open my eyes and look for Depp he's now sitting on the bed with a piece of rolled up parchment up his nose, snorting what appears to be a line of white powder. Now that's something you don't see everyday.
Again I close my eyes and drift off to Cat's singing. A moment later, of maybe a few hours, we'll never know, the door opens and a big ass pirate covered in scars walks in carrying, what appears to be a large tray of food which he sits it on the bed.
"The captain says to give you some food, also he wanted me to tell you that there's a storm coming so it's going to get a bit rough" he goes towards the door about to leave, but I have to ask him a question, now. If I don't do it now, I'll sober up then I'll never know the answer.
"Do you get paid extra to fuck that bear?" I blurt out to him as he reaches the door, he glances over his shoulder but keeps on walking; maybe it's a sensitive subject for him.
As the door shuts Cat jumps up, out of her trance and grabs Depp by the arms and shakes him.
"Bear? Was it blue? Did it look like an overgrown furby? Was it Buck? Answer me, God dammit."
Depp just hangs there staring at her like she's lost her mind which, she may very well have done.
"Who's Buck?" I ask her, being unable to picture this blue, furby-like critter. At that, the boat entered the storm; we're going to be in for a long night of confusion.
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A/n- Right, that's done for now, next time I'm going to be in it and there's going to be less drug consumption.
Author's thanks;
AndromedaStarr- Did I get you name right this time? Anyways, Sands said to tell you that there's smut coming up real soon, savvy? I personally have no idea what he's on about.
Captain-Jacklyn-Sparrow- You asked me ages ago what I was gonna lose next? Obviously the answer was my car, nah it'll probably be me mind, or Cat I'd love to lose Cat. Maybe I'll get lucky and she'll run off chasing butterflies. Hey if there is a sequel I'll call it "Where the fuck is Buck?" what do you think?
Free-scallywag- keep reading I hope you enjoy it. I love it when people say "drinks all round" it makes me run to the fridge to pour one.
Julia Green- I was so flattered that you said it read like fear and loathing. I wrote the first few chapters before I read the book and I had forgotten 'bout the film, so when I read your review I thought, wow somebody's really drunk and reviewing the wrong fic. I hope you are still reading and enjoying it.
Lindorial- Right!.. you, woman. I got me a bone to pick wi' you, first of all stop calling me Hitler. Second, don't call me wench. There was a third, but I can't remember (walks away muttering to self 'bout a long slow screw) when are you an' crims' gonna get togrther and write a fic so I can spoil your best bits in reviews?
Crimson Wrath- Kiss, Kiss my ass, you told people that I wasn't wearing the damm brace. I'm not entirely talking to you. Thanks for posting the message though, even if it was late. When are you and lin gonna write a fic?
Mistress of Destruction- nah it has nothing to do wi' the matrix, I don't really know where its from. That's okay just review when you can. Yes my boys are yellow snow eaters it can't be helped, I think it's the male mentality.
Blacklable- yeah that nagging face its funny unless its telling you tha' ye' can't drink. So yeah getting wrecked is weird nowadays we're minus Buck but up Sands an' Depp, and don't think for one moment that just because Jack aint in me head that he doesn't pop up whenever rum is involved. I've turned in to a very confused person.
Defina- thanks for the flowers an' candy, Depp ate them before I got a chance to see them but thanks. I'm glad you still like it and its okay when you don't review... I suppose (Sigh, wipes tears from eyes) nah, only kidding but I do love reviews, c'ya.
Keep the reviews comming and I'll keep typing, savvy? If you see any obvious mistakes please let me know.
Drug note- I have no idea what a mescaline trip is like so I did that on my own. Also they didn't have cocaine back in the days of old, so I don't know what Cash saw Depp snort. Mescaline does come from the peyote cactus though, it also comes from the unrelated mescal bean.. See I did research.
Kay, I'm gonna go now, so please review.
Review now, please. Thanks.
The point is that drugs are bad and if you take them it's not my fault, unless I give them to you, and even then I won't FORCE you to take it, Savvy?
So if you have like an uber problem with my characters taking drugs, then tough, it's my fic and it's not like I can stop them from doing it, you try telling them that they can't, cause they're already telling me to "fuck off" at the thought of it.
Disclaimers- I don't own the boys, but I think I own a couple bottles of rum, which is almost as good in my books, rum don't complain and hit on you........... well it depends on how drunk you are at the time.
~~~~~~~~~~##~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last time Cash's pov,
"Cash, is that mushrooms?" she points to a big box of, well mushrooms of the uber magic variety, Depp starts to shriek in amusement and anticipation........... like he was getting any, poor guy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~###~~~~~~~~~
After some close consideration, we decided not to eat the mushrooms.
Actually we had no choice in the matter, due to the fact that as soon as our back were turned that little, fuck pig of a monkey jumped in to the box and started to consume every type of mushroom shaped thing in there.
By the time we'd stopped him and locked him in the chest, there was none left. Okay there was a few left, but not enough to do the two of us any good. So we're fighting over what's left.
"Cash, you really don't want to be tripping with me around sober, do you?" we're standing toe to toe. Depp is screeching in the chest, but its only frustration, the trip hasn't gotten him yet, although I don't know what that amount of mushrooms will do to someone his size
"Hell yeah, sides you won't be sober, we'll get you a good proper dosage of laudanum, and....." I look to the Cupboard of magical tricks to help me come up with an alternative, to magically procure a solution to our lack of hallucinogen problem.
"No I want those fucking mushrooms now" she all but shouts, we're going to have to be more quiet, or else the Captains attention will be brought to us. Still looking in the Cupboard, willing it, in desperation to show me something better, I speak to her.
"Cat... love. You're going to have to stop shouting because...." I trail off having noticed something on the top shelf.
"Because what?" she snaps, over Depp's constant shrieking.
"Y'know what? Let's give the little basterd the rest o' the mushrooms, let him suffer, it might even teach him a lesson. Why should we fight over them?" she eyes me suspiciously, meanwhile Depp has gone silent, obviously waiting to see if we're going to give him more drugs.
"What have you spotted?"
"Something good, but we'll need to get that fluffy fucker, fucked first, savvy?" I rush the last five words joining them together so he can't understand me. She gives me one last doubtful look before agreeing.
As we opened the lid, the little basterd launches himself out of the chest and into the cupboard, where he begins to stuff his face with the remaining mushrooms, making snarffling sounds as he pushes them into his mouth. Once finished he looks from Cat to me then yelps at something next to him and runs under the bed.
"Well, somebody's going to have quiet a ride for the next few hours. So, Cash what have you seen in there?" she motions to the cupboard.
"Few hours? He'll be like that for days, and judging by the amount for his body mass its going to be a bad trip or at least a heavy one" I can't keep the laughter from my voice as I speak, Depp's going to have it bad for a little while.
"I thought that you were the nice one and I was the bad one. Obviously not, seen as how you take pleasure in the pain of an innocent animal."
"Innocent? The basterd stole my mushrooms. Anyway do you or do you not want to see what I've found?"
"Sure go ahead, it better not be that grass, cus I can see it from here, and knew we had it." I reach up to the top shelf and grab a basket and show her the contents.
"Do you know what this is?" she peers into the basket.
"You mean to tell me that you don't know! (She slaps me hard across the face) We gave, that overgrown sea monkey the last of our mushrooms, just because you wanted to know what's in your basket? Now, your going to have to take a time out, so that you can think about this situation and when you get back, just try and tell me that it wasn't the stupidest idea that you've EVER had"
She makes a move to slap me, but I grab her hand with my free one, but I only have one free hand and she's pulling with the other. She's going to knock me clean out if I don't do something so I shout the only thing to make her stop.
"MESCALINE!"
She blinks and stops mid swing.
"What?"
"That's what's in the basket, mescaline..... well not quite. It's dried parts of a cactus, and judging by the other substances in the cupboard, I recon that's its peyote." She looks confused.
"Huh? A pe-whaty?" she really has no idea, I pause a moment before answering her enjoying the feeling of getting one up on her for once, not as good, I suppose as getting one UP her... I just can't have one moment of peaceful thought by myself without one of those cropping up can in? Anyway....
"A peyote cactus, it produces mescaline. Or well, contains it at least all we have to do is chew them then wait." She picks one of the pieces out and studies it.
"How long do we have to wait?"
"'Bout an hour" she pops the thing in her mouth and starts to chew. I get a piece and follow her example as I do Depp briefly sticks his head out from under the bed then squeals and scurries back. He's in quiet a place right now; in fact his brain may never recover from the things he's seeing. I almost feel sorry for him.... Almost.
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A/n- So poor little Depp, I'd just like to say at this point that no animals were harmed during the typing of this chapter, trust Cat to pick up the only substance abusing monkey on the planet, 'cept maybe the monkey from Dr Dolittle, but I think Depp could take him any day.
Alright, here we go, but first I just want to point out that not everything that Cash says or sees is true. But I think that's kinda self explanetary.
~~~~~~~~~##~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Doctors Log- drug count; two large cacti, some grass and a whole lotta mushrooms."
(I read aloud as I write, in a very star trek sounding way. I've decided to keep a record of our journey using the last doctors books, so that we'll remember it if nothing else)
It's been two hours since we ate the cactus, for scientific research purposes only, I am a doctor after all I must know the effects of the drug myself before I pass them on to my patients, we had no idea how much to take, so we ate a lot of it, now we suffer the consequences of our own experimentation.
Cat, my psychotic companion on this trip, is lying on the floor, mumbling incoherently about butterflies and interestingly enough daffodils, yellow ones at that, evil creatures they be.
Security officer Depp, the muscle in this mission, took an oath of sobriety so that he could protect us if something went wrong, but even he, yes I said even he, our pillar of strength and in-corruptibility has been corrupted by the drug frenzy that I see before me.
He swallowed one or two mushrooms, poor fellow. He now believes himself to be invisible and is currently prancing around the room wearing some form of pillow case while making ghost-like noises.
Why doesn't anyone tell him that he's not invisible? Well, to tell you the truth I'm scared. I would tell him, but he seems to have made friends with a ghost. It's a cunning fiend, to be sure; every time Depp disappears this friend of his suddenly appears in his place, it scares me and its unnatural to say the least. If I stay still and pretend not to see it, it leaves me alone and carries about its business.
As for me, I thankfully remain unaffected by the cacti's strange ways. For now anyway.
This is Doctor Bates, signing out.
##
Slowly, I look up to see that Depp has stopped his frolicking and is crouching by the door, peering out of the key hole. He turns to me.
"You should see this man, over there... two pirates fucking a polar bear" I sit up in the chair and look at him and he just stares back smiling.
He spoke... did he speak?... Can he speak? What he did he say? Two pirates and a polar bear? Making love? Surely not, only now as I filter the monkey's words through my brain do I realise just how seriously wrong they are. I can't cope with this information right now.
"Don't tell me that shit right now man, I'm not equipped for that much baggage" I close my eyes and rub them with my hand. All I can hear is the sound of Cat singing a song about daffodil shaped butterflies she's just made up. I open my eyes and look for Depp he's now sitting on the bed with a piece of rolled up parchment up his nose, snorting what appears to be a line of white powder. Now that's something you don't see everyday.
Again I close my eyes and drift off to Cat's singing. A moment later, of maybe a few hours, we'll never know, the door opens and a big ass pirate covered in scars walks in carrying, what appears to be a large tray of food which he sits it on the bed.
"The captain says to give you some food, also he wanted me to tell you that there's a storm coming so it's going to get a bit rough" he goes towards the door about to leave, but I have to ask him a question, now. If I don't do it now, I'll sober up then I'll never know the answer.
"Do you get paid extra to fuck that bear?" I blurt out to him as he reaches the door, he glances over his shoulder but keeps on walking; maybe it's a sensitive subject for him.
As the door shuts Cat jumps up, out of her trance and grabs Depp by the arms and shakes him.
"Bear? Was it blue? Did it look like an overgrown furby? Was it Buck? Answer me, God dammit."
Depp just hangs there staring at her like she's lost her mind which, she may very well have done.
"Who's Buck?" I ask her, being unable to picture this blue, furby-like critter. At that, the boat entered the storm; we're going to be in for a long night of confusion.
~~~~~~~~~##~~~~~~~~
A/n- Right, that's done for now, next time I'm going to be in it and there's going to be less drug consumption.
Author's thanks;
AndromedaStarr- Did I get you name right this time? Anyways, Sands said to tell you that there's smut coming up real soon, savvy? I personally have no idea what he's on about.
Captain-Jacklyn-Sparrow- You asked me ages ago what I was gonna lose next? Obviously the answer was my car, nah it'll probably be me mind, or Cat I'd love to lose Cat. Maybe I'll get lucky and she'll run off chasing butterflies. Hey if there is a sequel I'll call it "Where the fuck is Buck?" what do you think?
Free-scallywag- keep reading I hope you enjoy it. I love it when people say "drinks all round" it makes me run to the fridge to pour one.
Julia Green- I was so flattered that you said it read like fear and loathing. I wrote the first few chapters before I read the book and I had forgotten 'bout the film, so when I read your review I thought, wow somebody's really drunk and reviewing the wrong fic. I hope you are still reading and enjoying it.
Lindorial- Right!.. you, woman. I got me a bone to pick wi' you, first of all stop calling me Hitler. Second, don't call me wench. There was a third, but I can't remember (walks away muttering to self 'bout a long slow screw) when are you an' crims' gonna get togrther and write a fic so I can spoil your best bits in reviews?
Crimson Wrath- Kiss, Kiss my ass, you told people that I wasn't wearing the damm brace. I'm not entirely talking to you. Thanks for posting the message though, even if it was late. When are you and lin gonna write a fic?
Mistress of Destruction- nah it has nothing to do wi' the matrix, I don't really know where its from. That's okay just review when you can. Yes my boys are yellow snow eaters it can't be helped, I think it's the male mentality.
Blacklable- yeah that nagging face its funny unless its telling you tha' ye' can't drink. So yeah getting wrecked is weird nowadays we're minus Buck but up Sands an' Depp, and don't think for one moment that just because Jack aint in me head that he doesn't pop up whenever rum is involved. I've turned in to a very confused person.
Defina- thanks for the flowers an' candy, Depp ate them before I got a chance to see them but thanks. I'm glad you still like it and its okay when you don't review... I suppose (Sigh, wipes tears from eyes) nah, only kidding but I do love reviews, c'ya.
Keep the reviews comming and I'll keep typing, savvy? If you see any obvious mistakes please let me know.
Drug note- I have no idea what a mescaline trip is like so I did that on my own. Also they didn't have cocaine back in the days of old, so I don't know what Cash saw Depp snort. Mescaline does come from the peyote cactus though, it also comes from the unrelated mescal bean.. See I did research.
Kay, I'm gonna go now, so please review.
Review now, please. Thanks.