A Day in Salem pt. 2
Marlena is horrified at what she's done to Brady, as well as everyone else. She convinces herself it's best to just confess to John and go to jail. She runs to the police station with a heavy heart.
Marlena: John! It's terrible what's happened!!
John: (hugs Marlena) Doc, everything will be okay. I'll keep you safe, and find out who's guilty for killing my son.
Marlena: John, I have a confession! I am the guilty one!
John: (whispering, like he always does) I know you're guilty of loving Brady too much, Doc. But that was a good thing.
Marlena: No, I've done terrible things. I killed Brady and all the others!
John: (still whispering, hugging tighter) I know you feel responsible for the murders since you couldn't prevent them. It's okay.
Marlena: It's not okay. I poked a hole in Brady's eyes and then stabbed him to death.
John: We all have weird dreams Doc. And that's a fact.
Marlena: LOOK YOU IDIOT. I KILLED BRADY WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS! I KILLED EVERYONE ELSE! I AM THE SALEM SERIAL KILLER!!!!!!!!!
John: It's good that you're thinking like the killer. With your help, we'll catch this maniac soon.
Marlena: ggrrrrrr.
(^_^)
(Brady wanders around a dark void until he sees 2 large elevators. One is marked HELL and the other is marked HEAVEN. Looking down, he sees a small doggie door that is marked "PEOPLE KILLED BY MARLENA." He gets on his knees and crawls awkwardly through that door.)
Brady (crawling): Well this isn't fair.
(Brady crawls into a tiny place that resembles a hideous dentist office waiting room. Brady looks up to see Jack. Half of his skull is missing and his brain leaking out.)
Brady: EWWW!
Jack: Oh be quiet One Eye. We all have to look they way we did when we died. It's punishment for being too stupid to realize the killer is Marlena.
(Abe, Roman, and Tony are also there, with whatever final injuries they had)
Abe: We can go to heaven when our living friends find out that Marlena's the killer.
Brady: So we're basically stuck here for eternity.
ALL: Yep.
(Victor walls into the room stark naked)
Brady: GRANDDAD! Since you died in the bathtub, you have to stay naked?!
Victor: Hell no. I wasn't even killed by Marlena. I was just boning Caroline.
Roman: GOD DON'T MENTION THAT!
(^_^)
(Sami and Lucas are on their way to pick up Will at school, but the car won't start. This completely ordinary and rather minor problem is complicated by their intense yet suppressed love and sexual attraction towards each other)
Sami: LUCAS! You stuck it in wrong!!
Lucas: No I didn't. This ignition is tricky. You have to twist and turn and jiggle it a little.
Sami: Dammit, just stick it in harder. HARDER DAMMIT!
Lucas: Okay, calm down, don't start up your temper. You don't want to embarrass Will today.
Sami: ME EMBARRASS WILL? (Storms out the car, angry for the 9,582,323th time) DAMMIT, GOODBYE LUCAS, I'M WALKING!!
(Sami 'walks' right over a caution sign and steps on a High Voltage box)
Sami: fHIGOEEEEEEEEheiggggggggir lucaaaasssssss I looooooooooove u (faints)
(^_^)
Abby and Gram are waiting on the curb armed with helmets and hockey sticks when they are picked up by Jen and Patrick.
Jen: Oh, Gram, I left my tampons in your bathroom.
Gram (shocked and appalled) Deary, you are, umm, pregnant, aren't you?
Jen: I'll be right back. You guys talk to Patrick, the strange shirtless man I took in!
Patrick: Hi
(Jen goes inside. Abby and Gram are apprehensive)
Patrick: You lovely ladies shouldn't worry about me. I'll show you that I have nothing to hide...
(Gram swiftly hits him in the balls with the hockey stick before Patrick 'shows' them anything.)
Jen (exiting the house): I'm ready, guys! PATRICK!! Oh my, you're clutching your groin in pain!! Did your back go out again?!
(Abby and Gram sigh and pray for Jennifer's brain)
(^_^)
Shawn and Belle meet outside the police station.
Belle: I know you want to accuse my mom as the serial killer. And I'm PISSED about it!
Shawn: I don't want to get you upset Belle. I know your brother just died today.
Belle: What? Oh, I don't care about that anymore. Wait, what was I saying?
(Belle tries to regain the thoughts that so frequently leave her while Shawn considers his Marlena theory)
Shawn: Marlena is the logical suspect. But if I accuse her, and I'm wrong, Belle will hate me. What's more important, catching a violent, bloodthirsty killer, or Belle's companionship?
(spookily, nearby)
Brady: CATCH MARLENA YOU DUMBASS! Why can't Shawn hear me??
Maggie: Stop wasting your time with him, he can't hear you.
Caroline: Besides, all the cool ghosts torture Celeste!
(back to the living)
Belle: Hey I remember! You're gonna tell your Mom that my Mom is the killer! If you do that, then I'll make you regret it.
Shawn: How?
Belle (smug): I'll do what Mimi does to Rex when they have a fight.
Shawn: Withhold sex?
Belle: Exactly!
Shawn: We don't have sex.
Belle: Oh. Well what the hell do we do together?
Shawn: Hug?
Belle: In that case, NO MORE HUGS!
Shawn (horrified at the thought): PLEASE! –D-Don't do that!! I swear, I don't think you're mom is guilty. Ummm, I was just, uhh, g-going to tell my mom, umm, the LEAST likely person to be the killer.
Belle: Yep, then tell her. She's walking out now.
Hope (walking out of the station): Hi kids. Any news or theories on the killer?
Shawn (awkwardly) YES!
(Belle smiles while Hope looks concerned.)
Shawn: BELLE'S MOM IS THE LEAST LIKELY PERSON TO BE THE KILLER!
Hope: Okay...
Belle: We have to go now. (whispers to Shawn): I've got special hugs for you!
(Shawn giggles. The two leave a concerned Hope at the station)
Hope: My poor boy. He really needs to get laid.
(^_^)
Lucas: SAMI! Are you okay?
Sami (waking up): Honey, why am I on the ground? We musn't be late dear, our darling son William needs to get picked up promptly!
Lucas: Please don't yell.......wait, did you just call me honey?
Sami: Of course, you're my husband right? Now let's get William from his laborious studies at school and I'll make a yummy chicken pot pie for dinner! With peach cobbler for desert!
Lucas: Sami, we're not marri........umm........you'll make peach cobbler? Really?
Sami (smiling): Of course!
Lucas (smiling): Well let's go then!
Coming up next time: More Superdad Bo! The ghosts play evil tricks on Celeste! Will Lucas like nice Sami? Can John get stupider? Or Shawn? Philip and Kate hijinks!
Marlena is horrified at what she's done to Brady, as well as everyone else. She convinces herself it's best to just confess to John and go to jail. She runs to the police station with a heavy heart.
Marlena: John! It's terrible what's happened!!
John: (hugs Marlena) Doc, everything will be okay. I'll keep you safe, and find out who's guilty for killing my son.
Marlena: John, I have a confession! I am the guilty one!
John: (whispering, like he always does) I know you're guilty of loving Brady too much, Doc. But that was a good thing.
Marlena: No, I've done terrible things. I killed Brady and all the others!
John: (still whispering, hugging tighter) I know you feel responsible for the murders since you couldn't prevent them. It's okay.
Marlena: It's not okay. I poked a hole in Brady's eyes and then stabbed him to death.
John: We all have weird dreams Doc. And that's a fact.
Marlena: LOOK YOU IDIOT. I KILLED BRADY WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS! I KILLED EVERYONE ELSE! I AM THE SALEM SERIAL KILLER!!!!!!!!!
John: It's good that you're thinking like the killer. With your help, we'll catch this maniac soon.
Marlena: ggrrrrrr.
(^_^)
(Brady wanders around a dark void until he sees 2 large elevators. One is marked HELL and the other is marked HEAVEN. Looking down, he sees a small doggie door that is marked "PEOPLE KILLED BY MARLENA." He gets on his knees and crawls awkwardly through that door.)
Brady (crawling): Well this isn't fair.
(Brady crawls into a tiny place that resembles a hideous dentist office waiting room. Brady looks up to see Jack. Half of his skull is missing and his brain leaking out.)
Brady: EWWW!
Jack: Oh be quiet One Eye. We all have to look they way we did when we died. It's punishment for being too stupid to realize the killer is Marlena.
(Abe, Roman, and Tony are also there, with whatever final injuries they had)
Abe: We can go to heaven when our living friends find out that Marlena's the killer.
Brady: So we're basically stuck here for eternity.
ALL: Yep.
(Victor walls into the room stark naked)
Brady: GRANDDAD! Since you died in the bathtub, you have to stay naked?!
Victor: Hell no. I wasn't even killed by Marlena. I was just boning Caroline.
Roman: GOD DON'T MENTION THAT!
(^_^)
(Sami and Lucas are on their way to pick up Will at school, but the car won't start. This completely ordinary and rather minor problem is complicated by their intense yet suppressed love and sexual attraction towards each other)
Sami: LUCAS! You stuck it in wrong!!
Lucas: No I didn't. This ignition is tricky. You have to twist and turn and jiggle it a little.
Sami: Dammit, just stick it in harder. HARDER DAMMIT!
Lucas: Okay, calm down, don't start up your temper. You don't want to embarrass Will today.
Sami: ME EMBARRASS WILL? (Storms out the car, angry for the 9,582,323th time) DAMMIT, GOODBYE LUCAS, I'M WALKING!!
(Sami 'walks' right over a caution sign and steps on a High Voltage box)
Sami: fHIGOEEEEEEEEheiggggggggir lucaaaasssssss I looooooooooove u (faints)
(^_^)
Abby and Gram are waiting on the curb armed with helmets and hockey sticks when they are picked up by Jen and Patrick.
Jen: Oh, Gram, I left my tampons in your bathroom.
Gram (shocked and appalled) Deary, you are, umm, pregnant, aren't you?
Jen: I'll be right back. You guys talk to Patrick, the strange shirtless man I took in!
Patrick: Hi
(Jen goes inside. Abby and Gram are apprehensive)
Patrick: You lovely ladies shouldn't worry about me. I'll show you that I have nothing to hide...
(Gram swiftly hits him in the balls with the hockey stick before Patrick 'shows' them anything.)
Jen (exiting the house): I'm ready, guys! PATRICK!! Oh my, you're clutching your groin in pain!! Did your back go out again?!
(Abby and Gram sigh and pray for Jennifer's brain)
(^_^)
Shawn and Belle meet outside the police station.
Belle: I know you want to accuse my mom as the serial killer. And I'm PISSED about it!
Shawn: I don't want to get you upset Belle. I know your brother just died today.
Belle: What? Oh, I don't care about that anymore. Wait, what was I saying?
(Belle tries to regain the thoughts that so frequently leave her while Shawn considers his Marlena theory)
Shawn: Marlena is the logical suspect. But if I accuse her, and I'm wrong, Belle will hate me. What's more important, catching a violent, bloodthirsty killer, or Belle's companionship?
(spookily, nearby)
Brady: CATCH MARLENA YOU DUMBASS! Why can't Shawn hear me??
Maggie: Stop wasting your time with him, he can't hear you.
Caroline: Besides, all the cool ghosts torture Celeste!
(back to the living)
Belle: Hey I remember! You're gonna tell your Mom that my Mom is the killer! If you do that, then I'll make you regret it.
Shawn: How?
Belle (smug): I'll do what Mimi does to Rex when they have a fight.
Shawn: Withhold sex?
Belle: Exactly!
Shawn: We don't have sex.
Belle: Oh. Well what the hell do we do together?
Shawn: Hug?
Belle: In that case, NO MORE HUGS!
Shawn (horrified at the thought): PLEASE! –D-Don't do that!! I swear, I don't think you're mom is guilty. Ummm, I was just, uhh, g-going to tell my mom, umm, the LEAST likely person to be the killer.
Belle: Yep, then tell her. She's walking out now.
Hope (walking out of the station): Hi kids. Any news or theories on the killer?
Shawn (awkwardly) YES!
(Belle smiles while Hope looks concerned.)
Shawn: BELLE'S MOM IS THE LEAST LIKELY PERSON TO BE THE KILLER!
Hope: Okay...
Belle: We have to go now. (whispers to Shawn): I've got special hugs for you!
(Shawn giggles. The two leave a concerned Hope at the station)
Hope: My poor boy. He really needs to get laid.
(^_^)
Lucas: SAMI! Are you okay?
Sami (waking up): Honey, why am I on the ground? We musn't be late dear, our darling son William needs to get picked up promptly!
Lucas: Please don't yell.......wait, did you just call me honey?
Sami: Of course, you're my husband right? Now let's get William from his laborious studies at school and I'll make a yummy chicken pot pie for dinner! With peach cobbler for desert!
Lucas: Sami, we're not marri........umm........you'll make peach cobbler? Really?
Sami (smiling): Of course!
Lucas (smiling): Well let's go then!
Coming up next time: More Superdad Bo! The ghosts play evil tricks on Celeste! Will Lucas like nice Sami? Can John get stupider? Or Shawn? Philip and Kate hijinks!