a/n: Many thanks to Onisius, and rem-cycle .....it's a shame you can't do
anything to help out J as well.... Oh and everyone,...this story is now
officially possessed.....sorry
Chapter 7
SL-27
That week also passed by for Jarod. Although, if anyone had bothered to ask him, he might have said that it had been months. All sense of time had ceased to exist for Jarod. It was just a blur of nightmares. He had lost weight and had not had much sleep. His wrists were almost healed, but he was too exhausted to care anymore.
Sam gave Jarod a gentle kick. The Pretender moaned and tried to roll over. Sam kicked him harder.
"Wake up. Breakfast."
Finally Jarod sat up, his eyes were bloodshot, with enormous dark rings under them. He looked up at Sam and then to his food. Sam harrumphed and left the cell.
Jarod ate the food, for he knew there would be no more until tomorrow. He tried to prepare himself for what was to follow. He knew they would be coming for him soon, but he couldn't work up enough energy to care. When he heard the lock disengage, he sighed in resignation and tried to haul himself to his feet.
Sam and Willie entered and each grabbed one of Jarod's arms. They dragged him out of the cell and took him to the sim lab. Jarod dejectedly thought that they didn't seem to realise that he was fully capable of walking on his own. He had been doing it practically his entire life.
Jarod was surprised. He was expecting another round with Cox. The sweepers dumped him in a chair and left to stand guard at the door. Jarod looked around curiously. The room was enormous, not unlike the sim lab he used before, but this one appeared to be much more extensive. As he heard the door unlock, he felt apprehensive, but was again surprised when Sydney walked in. At first he felt relief, but then bitterness, as he realised what Sydney's presence in the sim lab meant. He did not want to believe that Sydney would be working with them.
When Sydney saw Jarod, he rushed over to him and embraced him. "Oh Jarod, thank God you're alright!"
Jarod grimaced, and tried to work his way out of the crushing embrace. When Sydney noticed Jarod's discomfort he released him and helped him to sit down again. "I am so sorry."
"It's okay Sydney." He sat down carefully, obviously in pain. "What do you want?"
Sydney looked at Jarod in confusion. His voice was flat. Sydney supposed that the fatigue would explain that, Jarod looked like hell, but he sensed it was more.
"Jarod, what do you mean?" Sydney sat down next to the Pretender.
Jarod was clearly on the point of exhaustion, but he was clear-headed for the first time since being back at The Centre.
"You haven't come down here to make small talk Sydney." Jarod shifted away from Sydney. He got to his feet and started to pace. Jarod's lip curled in distaste as Willie stepped forward.
"I won't do it. I won't do their sims. I am not your science experiment anymore. And if I ever meant anything to you Sydney, even in the smallest way, please don't ask me to. I can't. I won't." Jarod said all this without emotion, just a bald statement of fact.
Sydney was flabbergasted. He had run into a brick wall already. He could tell just by looking at Jarod that he would be implacable. He tried to recover.
"Jarod, we don't need to talk about that now. Look at you, you are exhausted. You need to get some rest."
Jarod was too tired to play games, he had no intention of doing even a single sim, and he was not about to let Sydney manipulate him into it. He finally looked up at Sydney and laughed. It was a harsh sound, and it frightened Sydney badly.
"Yes Sydney, that's what I need. Some rest, and everything will be alright after that, won't it? We will all go back and things will be just like they were before. And assuming I behave myself and perform......" Jarod stopped when he saw Miss Parker enter.
Miss Parker made her way through the door. Her heart missed a beat when she saw Jarod. He had lost weight, dark blotches like bruises surrounded his eyes and she noticed fresh bandages around both his wrists. She covered her nervousness with a brisk attitude.
"Any progress down here yet?" She was looking at Sydney, avoiding Jarod's gaze.
Jarod dropped his eyes to the floor and the three of them stayed in an uncomfortable silence. Jarod refused to look at her and Parker busied herself with some papers. What was she still doing here? She had purchased her freedom with his, traded him as if he was no more than some piece of property. So had she come down to gloat? Was it not enough that she had captured him, condemned him to hell? Was her need to see him destroyed not yet fulfilled? Jarod cast surreptitious glances at Parker, trying to find something, anything that would tell him she was sorry, that she didn't want this for him, but all he found was haughty indifference. Something started to harden inside Jarod, and he didn't even try to stop it.
Sydney finally broke the ice, trying to sound cheery. Jarod smiled wryly at the thought that this was Sydney's first "pretend". He wasn't very good.
"We have just got started. I was about to tell Jarod about the situation we needed help with."
Sydney had figured, that if they started with a humane sim, one that could not be twisted and used for purposes other than what it appeared to be, Jarod would be more amenable to helping. Sydney was counting on Jarod's innate sense of compassion, his natural desire to help. If he could just show Jarod that not all that The Centre was involved in ended in evil, that Jarod could continue to help people, perhaps even on a larger scale. It would keep him out of Lyle's clutches and they could figure out the rest later.
But after two hours, Sydney finally gave up. Jarod sat morosely on the chair and refused to respond to any questions. Finally Parker had had enough.
"This is getting us nowhere!" and she stormed out of the room.
Jarod did not stir, as if he did not notice her exit. A few moments after she left, two sweepers came in to escort Jarod away. He did not resist.
"Jarod..." Sydney began, but Jarod was already gone.
Not long after Jarod's exit, Cox and Lyle entered.
"Well, looks like we are not off to a very prestigious start." Lyle lounged in the same chair that Jarod had been sitting in. "It looks like Golden Boy is in for a hard day after all. Syd, I don't believe that you are really a fully committed member of the team."
Cox looked at Lyle and smiled. "Perhaps we should invite him down to watch the entertainment. It might prove somewhat inspiring."
Lyle snickered.
"Lyle, if you hurt him...."
"You'll what?" Lyle was on his feet now. "Syd, understand this. Everyday Jarod fails to cooperate is another day he gets hurt. The longer it takes, the worse things will become. And if you don't behave, your precious Labrat will pay. So do what you gotta do, and get him working. My patience is not without limit. You have a month."
"A month? Are you completely insane? I couldn't get him working in six months, a year! Jarod will never allow you to exploit his work again. And your drugs and brainwashing won't work on him."
Cox interrupted. "Don't worry Doctor. We will do our share. We will be diligently working on our dear Jarod, in fact, we are just about to start. After all, we all want the same thing, don't we? The trick will be ensuring that he gets working before he gets too damaged. It would really be a shame..........."
"Yes Sydney. It would be a terrible shame if Jarod outlived his own usefulness." Lyle anticipated Sydney's protest, "It's a fortunate thing that we have a spare. Of course, we would have to increase our commitment to re-acquiring Jarod jr, and it would certainly crimp our timetable." He threw a smile at Sydney. "Come now, Mr Cox. I think its time we go down and explain to the Brain Trust just how committed we are to ensuring his cooperation, give him a demonstration of our resolve."
Sydney stood there in mute frustration while he watched them leave.
SL-27
In the weeks that followed, the routine rarely varied. Jarod was combative and resisted as they hauled him to the sim lab. Each morning it was the same. He refused to cooperate, becoming more withdrawn each day. He never initiated conversation and responded in terse replies when directly questioned. Parker and Sydney had tried everything they could think of, but to no avail. Each morning they hoped to receive news that he had escaped, but this seemed less likely each day. They had begged, pleaded and cajoled. They had tried to reason with Jarod, and they were now trying threats. But nothing worked. They watched the Pretender slip further away each day and Lyle's deadline was weighing on them heavily.
After the unsuccessful sessions in the lab, Jarod was taken and spent the rest of the day with Cox. But there was lots of variation here. The drugging had been stopped for the most part, Lyle wanted him fully conscious for this. Cox and Lyle had come up with many different and interesting ways of torturing Jarod, and Lyle was also a student of the classics. Cox was always there, and Raines showed up sometimes, but Lyle was always absent. He satisfied himself watching from behind the darkened window. At the end of each session Jarod was hauled back and unceremoniously dumped in his cell. Sleep was difficult, the pain was now a constant factor. Cox always ensured that Jarod hurt in enough places so that he could not rest comfortably. And between the nightmares, and the sweepers that came in to wake him constantly, he was lucky to get any decent sleep at all. Jarod knew that he was reaching the end of his endurance, but he did not want to think about what would happen when he finally gave in to the inevitable.
The Sim Lab
Sydney was at his wits end. The deadline was upon them, and Jarod looked like he might be dying. In the last month, Jarod had obstinately refused to give in even an inch, and Sydney watched helplessly as the Pretender was slowly disintegrating. Sydney was giving everything he had in a last ditch effort to save Jarod from Lyle and Raines.
"How can you do this?" Jarod hissed. "How can you be a part of this?"
"Jarod, if you just give them a little, a small token, then maybe we can get you out of that cell, we can stop ...."
"Sydney, do you think I would sell my soul for a few creature comforts?" he was breathing heavily now, on his feet.
"Please Jarod" Sydney was begging. "Jarod, for your own sake...."
"For my sake of for your's, Sydney?" he threw back, not even attempting to keep the bitterness out of his voice.
"Jarod. I...." Sydney moved over in an attempt to embrace Jarod. Jarod pushed him away. He fell heavily into the chair and looked up at the older man.
"I can remember a time Sydney, a time when I would have done anything for your approval, anything Sydney. Can you understand that? I waited my entire life for you to embrace me like that, to offer......" he heaved in a breath, struggling with emotions "....some kind of comfort, some reassurance that I meant more to you....that....that I was something more than just a Pretender, a tool...........I'm not just a commodity, a thing to be traded, to be bought and sold......" He shook his head sadly "....it doesn't matter."
Sydney grabbed Jarod's arm. "It matters to me"
Jarod shrugged off the grip. "Do you want me to do the sim?" he saw the mute reply in Sydney's eyes.
Sydney was frantic "Jarod, you don't understand...."
"No Sydney. I understand just fine. It has always been this way and I was a fool to think it was ever anything different. How much more......"
"Jarod, can you stop thinking about yourself for just one second?" The moment the words were out of his mouth he knew he would have done anything to take them back. But he was frantic and angry now, his desperation to save Jarod, mixed with his enormous guilt was a continuing pressure and now the explosion had begun, he was helpless to stop it.
Jarod's head snapped up as if he had been slapped. Sydney paused briefly before he committed a conscious act of damnation.
"You are not the only person involved here. You could be helping people, saving them. My life's work..." Sydney didn't know what he was saying anymore. He was angry at Jarod, at himself, at this whole damnable situation. Sydney had stepped in front of a gun, ready to take a bullet in order to save Jarod. He looked at Jarod and finally choked out "... How can you be so selfish?"
Sydney fled. He could not face Jarod any longer. The look of surprised hurt on Jarod's face was too much for him to bear, and all of his anger dissolved. He knew that Lyle was watching and if Sydney stayed any longer, he knew that he would tell Jarod that he hadn't meant it, beg for his forgiveness. He staggered back to his office, sick with the knowledge that Jarod was now completely lost to him. He only hoped it was enough to save him.
Jarod sat staring dumbly at the doorway. He shook his head, but the words survived his denial, they could not be taken back. He blinked in bewilderment when Willie and Sam entered. They grabbed his arms and dragged him back to his cell.
Cox was there of course. He asked in a bored tone "Are we ready to comply today?" Cox looked at Jarod who refused to respond "I didn't think so." He left the cell and Sam and Willie went to work on the Pretender.
After the beating was over, Sam shook his head and asked "Haven't you had enough? Why don't you just give them what they want?" He cracked his knuckles, shook his fist and grimaced in pain. Then he chuckled, "Though I gotta say" He looked over at Willie and smiled, "I don't mind all the over- time." Sam just couldn't understand why Jarod was being so stubborn, he was supposed to be a genius after all, surely he knew that this could only end one way.
They left Jarod curled in abject misery in the corner.
Cox returned to the surveillance room where Lyle was watching the sweepers work on Jarod. Lyle looked up when Cox entered. "I think it will be soon. Sydney's performance today has pushed him to the very edge."
Cox sat down next to Lyle. "You know, I think you may be right Mr Lyle. I think perhaps it's time for a visit from his friend."
"Tonight then, that should allow enough time for him to stew on Sydney's betrayal."
"That's a date."
Both men were laughing while they watched Jarod rocking back and forth in the corner.
Jarod's Cell
Every part of Jarod hurt. He did not know how long he had been here, but he could no longer remember a time when there was no pain. It was constant now. But none of it compared to the pain that was slicing through his soul. He could hardly believe the things that Sydney had said. Jarod had always known that Sydney was a creature of The Centre. But he believed that Sydney had cared about him, as a person, not just a resource. But perhaps he had been wrong about that too. His entire life he had wanted so very badly for Sydney to be a father to him. He thought bitterly about all the times that he had reached out, and how Sydney had failed to reciprocate. Jarod berated himself for being such a fool to think that he would ever be more to Sydney than just a lab-rat. He was, after all, nothing more than the culmination of Sydney's grandest science-experiment. It would be wise not to forget that. Bitterness and self-pity coursed through him in equal measure. He drifted off into an uneasy sleep and dreamt about fishing trips he would never take.
Later That Night
Jarod awoke to the sound of the lock disengaging. He groaned thinking about what Cox might have in store for him next. He didn't think he could survive much more of this. He blinked in confusion when he saw Lyle in the doorway. Lyle had been conspicuously absent from all the torture sessions. And the only memories Jarod had of seeing Lyle on the sublevel were hazy and indistinct, but they were of kindness.
Lyle just stood there and wavered. Jarod notice two bottles of scotch in his hand, one seemed about three-quarters full. Lyle lifted a bottle to his lips and took a large swallow. He looked down at Jarod.
"Hello"
Jarod eyed him suspiciously. Lyle was obviously on the way to being drunk and Jarod was afraid of what Lyle might do to him. Lyle cautiously entered the tiny room, eyeing the small space warily. No sweepers followed.
"What do you want Lyle?" he asked with resignation.
"Me? I don't want anything." He was fully in the cell now and brought one of the bottles up to his chest. He grinned. "Well, actually, that's not true. I thought maybe I could ask you a question, now pointing a bottle at Jarod, if you don't mind that is."
When the door clanged shut with a loud bang, Lyle jumped and turned around to look at it in confusion.
"Oh fuck! The door shut." He roared with laughter. "I made a rhyme."
"What do you want Lyle?" Jarod repeated. He was in no mood for any of Lyle's games.
"Jarod, will you have a drink with me?" he moved towards Jarod and offered him the unopened bottle. Jarod made no move to take it.
"That's your question?"
Lyle placed the bottle next to Jarod and slid down the wall to sit next to him. He took another swallow.
"Question?" Lyle cocked his head quizzically. "Oh my question." Lyle brought his knees up to his chest and rested the bottle on them.
Jarod did not know what type of twisted game Lyle was up to, but was surprised to see tears form in Lyle's eyes and was in no way prepared for his question.
Lyle was clearly uncomfortable. He looked from Jarod to the bottle and then back to Jarod. He took another swig and cast his eyes down to his hands.
"I wanted to know...." He cocked his head a little and plunged on "....to know what it was like to be wanted." It was barely a whisper.
Jarod was absolutely taken aback by the question. Before he could respond, Lyle had climbed to his feet and was trying to open the door.
"You can't open it." Jarod stated the obvious, with a hint of accusation in his voice.
"I have to get out of here now." Lyle was almost frantic, banging futilely on the door. He gave up after about a minute.
"Someone will be along soon. I imagine someone is laughing themselves silly watching you." Jarod could not keep the amusement out of his voice.
"Not so smart Boy Genius. No-one knows I'm here. No-one is watching. That's what I am supposed to be doing. Everyone else is in a big 'very' important meeting. But apparently my presence wasn't requested or required." Lyle was clearly unhappy about being excluded. He plomped himself down next to Jarod and took a long swallow.
Jarod was on his feet in an instant. This could finally be the opportunity he had been waiting for. He took a quick look at Lyle, and then ripped the cover from the air vent. He hoisted himself up and started making his way to freedom. He got a couple of metres into the pitch dark ventilation system before his head crunched into something solid. He reached forward only to find the way blocked by very solid metal bars. He gripped them and tried to shake them loose, but it was no use. He sobbed in frustration.
Back on the floor of the cell, Lyle smiled when he heard Jarod. But by the time Jarod had lowered himself back into the cell, there was no trace of that smile on Lyle's face.
Jarod tried to replace the cover of the air vent, but he had bent it when he wrenched it off. He looked down at Lyle and briefly thought of clubbing him with it. Lyle looked up at him with bleary eyes. In the end, he just placed it on the floor. Lyle waved his maimed hand in the general direction of the air vent.
"Waste of time. 's no good. Somebody finally wised up."
Jarod's emotions swung from elation, back to the black depression he had been experiencing. He looked at the bottle. He sat down next to Lyle, cracked the seal and took a drink.
He almost choked on the first swallow. Jarod had never been much of a drinker, and his body was so weak and undernourished now that the effects of the alcohol hit him almost instantly.
"Well, what's it like? Everybody wants you. I just wanna know how it feels to be wanted." Lyle pointed his finger at himself, jabbing himself in the chest repeatedly. "Me, I'm a good-looking guy, I've got money, I'm smart....... But nobody ever wanted me, not even when I was a kid. You know, I had three fathers....and not one of them..." he took another long swallow from the bottle and looked at Jarod, mutely waiting for a reply.
Jarod didn't know how to respond. He was still hurting badly from his encounter with Sydney and from the shattering knowledge that the air vents would offer no route of escape. And what's more, he didn't care. He took another drink. The Pretender looked at Lyle for a long time, trying to determine if this was some kind of ploy. He sighed, he believed that the pain in Lyle's eyes was real. He was about to respond when Lyle started again.
"You know they all love you. Even my own father, you are more important to him than I am. Just once I would like to feel that somebody wanted me, cared about me."
They sat in companionable silence. Each lost in their own thoughts. Jarod had stepped through the looking glass. He couldn't quite believe he was sitting here, getting drunk with this man. But here he was. As the alcohol permeated his system, the strangeness of the situation seemed less and less absurd. Jarod, quite drunk now, tried to sim Lyle. And he found that he had some sympathy for him. Despite all the things Lyle had done, Jarod found that he almost pitied him.
"It's not true." Jarod finally spoke up. He was nearly halfway through his bottle now. "They don't care about me."
"What are you talking about, for such a smart guy, you're pretty dumb. Of course they do."
"No" Jarod could not keep the bitterness out of his voice. "They only care about what I can do for them. I'm nothing more than a rat running their mazes. As a real person, I don't exist." Jarod looked at the floor and took another drink. "I never have." The silence stretched on.
Lyle seemed thoroughly engrossed in his missing thumb, and Jarod was carefully peeling the label from his bottle. Jarod looked up at Lyle and smiled. In another less bizarre situation, that smile would have been frightening. But they had both reached that gorgeous stage of drunkenness that allowed anyone to be your closest friend and confidante.
"And besides, you are an evil bastard!" Jarod poked Lyle in the arm with his half-empty bottle. They both burst into laughter.
Lyle looked up at Jarod in surprise. "I s'pose I am." Lyle punched Jarod playfully in the arm and sent him sprawling across the floor. "But hey, you're no angel yourself. Man, some of the things you've pulled. And I thought I had a vivid imagination."
Jarod looked wounded, "But they deserved it, they were all bad."
"Hey" Lyle raised his hands in submission. "You know my policy, don't ask, don't tell. I'm not judging man, just admiring your work. I particularly liked the one where you buried that guy alive, I gotta tell ya, it inspired me."
"Yeah, that was pretty good wasn't it? But my personal favourite......" Jarod was grinning.
Jarod crawled back and took another drink. He had spilled most of his remaining scotch. Lyle looked up expectantly.
"Do you remember Lyle 1?"
"Huh?"
"C'mon, sure, you remember. Did you know there was only 10 miles on the odometer?" Jarod was giggling now. "It was a shame really."
"You bastard!" Lyle cackled. "That's right! Shit, I loved that car." Lyle was shaking his head.
"Yep, I blew that puppy up with a guided missile. Sorry you missed it." Jarod was nodding his head as he remembered that sweetness of that moment.
"And you mailed me the goddamn number plate."
"Well" Jarod protested innocently, "I didn't want you worrying, you know, not knowing and all."
But then another thought struck Jarod.
"Wait, wait! Do you remember that time when I kidnapped you...."
"And you had that damned cattle prod?". They were both laughing hysterically. "Man, I thought my goose was cooked that day. I still can't figure out why you didn't......"
Jarod slung his arm around Lyle's shoulders, sending them both into another fit of laughter.
"Leave the thinking to the genius" he beamed a smile at Lyle and then screamed with laughter at his own wit.
When Lyle could catch his breath again he asked, "What about that time in Arizona, ohh, you were so pissed at me, then I..."
The laughter died in both their throats. They both straightened up.
"Then I killed your brother." Lyle finished, hanging his head.
"Yes you did." Jarod was fidgeting with the bottle.
Lyle looked directly at Jarod and waited until Jarod looked back at him.
"I am sorry. I am sorry I did that. You know, I didn't mean to."
"No, you meant to kill me. Maybe we all would have been better off if
you had."
All the humour had evaporated in both of them. Jarod's mood swung back
to morose depression.
"You saved him you know. You saved his soul."
"I didn't even know him." Jarod was shaking his head, lost in the
memory of that moment when Kyle had collapsed in his arms. It seemed a
lifetime ago, and Jarod was vaguely surprised at his lack of anger.
"Jarod?" Lyle took another drink, the bottle was almost empty. "Do you
think....... there's anything ...........redeeming........ in me, is there anything
worthwhile?" Lyle was searching for the words.
Jarod didn't answer Lyle. They both sat there in silence for a time.
Lyle was looking around the tiny room.
"How do you stand it?"
Jarod looked up in confusion. Lyle swept his arm around. "This. How do you stand this? Being here?" Lyle shuddered, remembering his own time being locked up.
"What choice do I have?"
"That's deep." Lyle was nodding to himself.
But Jarod wasn't listening to Lyle. He was thinking about his family, and the people he had previously thought of as his family. "Nobody loves me either."
Lyle looked at Jarod with disbelief.
"That's crap man. Sydney loves you more than his own son. And you have your father....."
Jarod looked down at his hands and shook his head.
"Sydney doesn't care about me. I wonder if he ever did. He just wants me to get back to work. All this time, I thought he......but it was all an act....he just wanted...... And my father doesn't need me anymore. He already has another me. A better me. One that's not as damaged. A newer model. He can reclaim all those lost years. He has his son back now. I have become redundant, obsolete, all I am is a reminder of.... They are both better of without me." Jarod, consumed by self-pity, curled himself into a tight ball and started rocking back and forth.
Lyle put a comforting hand on his back and waited until the worst of his emotions were spent. The alcohol was finished now and Lyle was playing with the empty bottle. He thought Jarod had fallen asleep.
"I am so tired. I am so sick of it all. It will never be over, will it?" Jarod asked in a voice so low Lyle could barely hear it.
"No" Lyle sighed, "They own you Jarod." There was no enmity in the statement. "It doesn't matter if you're out there or in here, they own you either way. They always did."
Jarod wanted to scream that Lyle was wrong. That he was a liar. But some part of him recognized the statement for what it was. It was simply the truth. That knowledge chased him into the blackness as he passed out.
"They own us all." Lyle looked down at the unconscious Pretender, and he was drunk enough to feel some genuine compassion.
In the surveillance room, Cox and Raines were watching. When they were certain that Jarod was truly asleep, they sent the sweepers in to collect Lyle. They tossed him carelessly on a bed in the staff quarters where he promptly fell asleep. Cox did not envy either man for the hangover they would have tomorrow.
Chapter 7
SL-27
That week also passed by for Jarod. Although, if anyone had bothered to ask him, he might have said that it had been months. All sense of time had ceased to exist for Jarod. It was just a blur of nightmares. He had lost weight and had not had much sleep. His wrists were almost healed, but he was too exhausted to care anymore.
Sam gave Jarod a gentle kick. The Pretender moaned and tried to roll over. Sam kicked him harder.
"Wake up. Breakfast."
Finally Jarod sat up, his eyes were bloodshot, with enormous dark rings under them. He looked up at Sam and then to his food. Sam harrumphed and left the cell.
Jarod ate the food, for he knew there would be no more until tomorrow. He tried to prepare himself for what was to follow. He knew they would be coming for him soon, but he couldn't work up enough energy to care. When he heard the lock disengage, he sighed in resignation and tried to haul himself to his feet.
Sam and Willie entered and each grabbed one of Jarod's arms. They dragged him out of the cell and took him to the sim lab. Jarod dejectedly thought that they didn't seem to realise that he was fully capable of walking on his own. He had been doing it practically his entire life.
Jarod was surprised. He was expecting another round with Cox. The sweepers dumped him in a chair and left to stand guard at the door. Jarod looked around curiously. The room was enormous, not unlike the sim lab he used before, but this one appeared to be much more extensive. As he heard the door unlock, he felt apprehensive, but was again surprised when Sydney walked in. At first he felt relief, but then bitterness, as he realised what Sydney's presence in the sim lab meant. He did not want to believe that Sydney would be working with them.
When Sydney saw Jarod, he rushed over to him and embraced him. "Oh Jarod, thank God you're alright!"
Jarod grimaced, and tried to work his way out of the crushing embrace. When Sydney noticed Jarod's discomfort he released him and helped him to sit down again. "I am so sorry."
"It's okay Sydney." He sat down carefully, obviously in pain. "What do you want?"
Sydney looked at Jarod in confusion. His voice was flat. Sydney supposed that the fatigue would explain that, Jarod looked like hell, but he sensed it was more.
"Jarod, what do you mean?" Sydney sat down next to the Pretender.
Jarod was clearly on the point of exhaustion, but he was clear-headed for the first time since being back at The Centre.
"You haven't come down here to make small talk Sydney." Jarod shifted away from Sydney. He got to his feet and started to pace. Jarod's lip curled in distaste as Willie stepped forward.
"I won't do it. I won't do their sims. I am not your science experiment anymore. And if I ever meant anything to you Sydney, even in the smallest way, please don't ask me to. I can't. I won't." Jarod said all this without emotion, just a bald statement of fact.
Sydney was flabbergasted. He had run into a brick wall already. He could tell just by looking at Jarod that he would be implacable. He tried to recover.
"Jarod, we don't need to talk about that now. Look at you, you are exhausted. You need to get some rest."
Jarod was too tired to play games, he had no intention of doing even a single sim, and he was not about to let Sydney manipulate him into it. He finally looked up at Sydney and laughed. It was a harsh sound, and it frightened Sydney badly.
"Yes Sydney, that's what I need. Some rest, and everything will be alright after that, won't it? We will all go back and things will be just like they were before. And assuming I behave myself and perform......" Jarod stopped when he saw Miss Parker enter.
Miss Parker made her way through the door. Her heart missed a beat when she saw Jarod. He had lost weight, dark blotches like bruises surrounded his eyes and she noticed fresh bandages around both his wrists. She covered her nervousness with a brisk attitude.
"Any progress down here yet?" She was looking at Sydney, avoiding Jarod's gaze.
Jarod dropped his eyes to the floor and the three of them stayed in an uncomfortable silence. Jarod refused to look at her and Parker busied herself with some papers. What was she still doing here? She had purchased her freedom with his, traded him as if he was no more than some piece of property. So had she come down to gloat? Was it not enough that she had captured him, condemned him to hell? Was her need to see him destroyed not yet fulfilled? Jarod cast surreptitious glances at Parker, trying to find something, anything that would tell him she was sorry, that she didn't want this for him, but all he found was haughty indifference. Something started to harden inside Jarod, and he didn't even try to stop it.
Sydney finally broke the ice, trying to sound cheery. Jarod smiled wryly at the thought that this was Sydney's first "pretend". He wasn't very good.
"We have just got started. I was about to tell Jarod about the situation we needed help with."
Sydney had figured, that if they started with a humane sim, one that could not be twisted and used for purposes other than what it appeared to be, Jarod would be more amenable to helping. Sydney was counting on Jarod's innate sense of compassion, his natural desire to help. If he could just show Jarod that not all that The Centre was involved in ended in evil, that Jarod could continue to help people, perhaps even on a larger scale. It would keep him out of Lyle's clutches and they could figure out the rest later.
But after two hours, Sydney finally gave up. Jarod sat morosely on the chair and refused to respond to any questions. Finally Parker had had enough.
"This is getting us nowhere!" and she stormed out of the room.
Jarod did not stir, as if he did not notice her exit. A few moments after she left, two sweepers came in to escort Jarod away. He did not resist.
"Jarod..." Sydney began, but Jarod was already gone.
Not long after Jarod's exit, Cox and Lyle entered.
"Well, looks like we are not off to a very prestigious start." Lyle lounged in the same chair that Jarod had been sitting in. "It looks like Golden Boy is in for a hard day after all. Syd, I don't believe that you are really a fully committed member of the team."
Cox looked at Lyle and smiled. "Perhaps we should invite him down to watch the entertainment. It might prove somewhat inspiring."
Lyle snickered.
"Lyle, if you hurt him...."
"You'll what?" Lyle was on his feet now. "Syd, understand this. Everyday Jarod fails to cooperate is another day he gets hurt. The longer it takes, the worse things will become. And if you don't behave, your precious Labrat will pay. So do what you gotta do, and get him working. My patience is not without limit. You have a month."
"A month? Are you completely insane? I couldn't get him working in six months, a year! Jarod will never allow you to exploit his work again. And your drugs and brainwashing won't work on him."
Cox interrupted. "Don't worry Doctor. We will do our share. We will be diligently working on our dear Jarod, in fact, we are just about to start. After all, we all want the same thing, don't we? The trick will be ensuring that he gets working before he gets too damaged. It would really be a shame..........."
"Yes Sydney. It would be a terrible shame if Jarod outlived his own usefulness." Lyle anticipated Sydney's protest, "It's a fortunate thing that we have a spare. Of course, we would have to increase our commitment to re-acquiring Jarod jr, and it would certainly crimp our timetable." He threw a smile at Sydney. "Come now, Mr Cox. I think its time we go down and explain to the Brain Trust just how committed we are to ensuring his cooperation, give him a demonstration of our resolve."
Sydney stood there in mute frustration while he watched them leave.
SL-27
In the weeks that followed, the routine rarely varied. Jarod was combative and resisted as they hauled him to the sim lab. Each morning it was the same. He refused to cooperate, becoming more withdrawn each day. He never initiated conversation and responded in terse replies when directly questioned. Parker and Sydney had tried everything they could think of, but to no avail. Each morning they hoped to receive news that he had escaped, but this seemed less likely each day. They had begged, pleaded and cajoled. They had tried to reason with Jarod, and they were now trying threats. But nothing worked. They watched the Pretender slip further away each day and Lyle's deadline was weighing on them heavily.
After the unsuccessful sessions in the lab, Jarod was taken and spent the rest of the day with Cox. But there was lots of variation here. The drugging had been stopped for the most part, Lyle wanted him fully conscious for this. Cox and Lyle had come up with many different and interesting ways of torturing Jarod, and Lyle was also a student of the classics. Cox was always there, and Raines showed up sometimes, but Lyle was always absent. He satisfied himself watching from behind the darkened window. At the end of each session Jarod was hauled back and unceremoniously dumped in his cell. Sleep was difficult, the pain was now a constant factor. Cox always ensured that Jarod hurt in enough places so that he could not rest comfortably. And between the nightmares, and the sweepers that came in to wake him constantly, he was lucky to get any decent sleep at all. Jarod knew that he was reaching the end of his endurance, but he did not want to think about what would happen when he finally gave in to the inevitable.
The Sim Lab
Sydney was at his wits end. The deadline was upon them, and Jarod looked like he might be dying. In the last month, Jarod had obstinately refused to give in even an inch, and Sydney watched helplessly as the Pretender was slowly disintegrating. Sydney was giving everything he had in a last ditch effort to save Jarod from Lyle and Raines.
"How can you do this?" Jarod hissed. "How can you be a part of this?"
"Jarod, if you just give them a little, a small token, then maybe we can get you out of that cell, we can stop ...."
"Sydney, do you think I would sell my soul for a few creature comforts?" he was breathing heavily now, on his feet.
"Please Jarod" Sydney was begging. "Jarod, for your own sake...."
"For my sake of for your's, Sydney?" he threw back, not even attempting to keep the bitterness out of his voice.
"Jarod. I...." Sydney moved over in an attempt to embrace Jarod. Jarod pushed him away. He fell heavily into the chair and looked up at the older man.
"I can remember a time Sydney, a time when I would have done anything for your approval, anything Sydney. Can you understand that? I waited my entire life for you to embrace me like that, to offer......" he heaved in a breath, struggling with emotions "....some kind of comfort, some reassurance that I meant more to you....that....that I was something more than just a Pretender, a tool...........I'm not just a commodity, a thing to be traded, to be bought and sold......" He shook his head sadly "....it doesn't matter."
Sydney grabbed Jarod's arm. "It matters to me"
Jarod shrugged off the grip. "Do you want me to do the sim?" he saw the mute reply in Sydney's eyes.
Sydney was frantic "Jarod, you don't understand...."
"No Sydney. I understand just fine. It has always been this way and I was a fool to think it was ever anything different. How much more......"
"Jarod, can you stop thinking about yourself for just one second?" The moment the words were out of his mouth he knew he would have done anything to take them back. But he was frantic and angry now, his desperation to save Jarod, mixed with his enormous guilt was a continuing pressure and now the explosion had begun, he was helpless to stop it.
Jarod's head snapped up as if he had been slapped. Sydney paused briefly before he committed a conscious act of damnation.
"You are not the only person involved here. You could be helping people, saving them. My life's work..." Sydney didn't know what he was saying anymore. He was angry at Jarod, at himself, at this whole damnable situation. Sydney had stepped in front of a gun, ready to take a bullet in order to save Jarod. He looked at Jarod and finally choked out "... How can you be so selfish?"
Sydney fled. He could not face Jarod any longer. The look of surprised hurt on Jarod's face was too much for him to bear, and all of his anger dissolved. He knew that Lyle was watching and if Sydney stayed any longer, he knew that he would tell Jarod that he hadn't meant it, beg for his forgiveness. He staggered back to his office, sick with the knowledge that Jarod was now completely lost to him. He only hoped it was enough to save him.
Jarod sat staring dumbly at the doorway. He shook his head, but the words survived his denial, they could not be taken back. He blinked in bewilderment when Willie and Sam entered. They grabbed his arms and dragged him back to his cell.
Cox was there of course. He asked in a bored tone "Are we ready to comply today?" Cox looked at Jarod who refused to respond "I didn't think so." He left the cell and Sam and Willie went to work on the Pretender.
After the beating was over, Sam shook his head and asked "Haven't you had enough? Why don't you just give them what they want?" He cracked his knuckles, shook his fist and grimaced in pain. Then he chuckled, "Though I gotta say" He looked over at Willie and smiled, "I don't mind all the over- time." Sam just couldn't understand why Jarod was being so stubborn, he was supposed to be a genius after all, surely he knew that this could only end one way.
They left Jarod curled in abject misery in the corner.
Cox returned to the surveillance room where Lyle was watching the sweepers work on Jarod. Lyle looked up when Cox entered. "I think it will be soon. Sydney's performance today has pushed him to the very edge."
Cox sat down next to Lyle. "You know, I think you may be right Mr Lyle. I think perhaps it's time for a visit from his friend."
"Tonight then, that should allow enough time for him to stew on Sydney's betrayal."
"That's a date."
Both men were laughing while they watched Jarod rocking back and forth in the corner.
Jarod's Cell
Every part of Jarod hurt. He did not know how long he had been here, but he could no longer remember a time when there was no pain. It was constant now. But none of it compared to the pain that was slicing through his soul. He could hardly believe the things that Sydney had said. Jarod had always known that Sydney was a creature of The Centre. But he believed that Sydney had cared about him, as a person, not just a resource. But perhaps he had been wrong about that too. His entire life he had wanted so very badly for Sydney to be a father to him. He thought bitterly about all the times that he had reached out, and how Sydney had failed to reciprocate. Jarod berated himself for being such a fool to think that he would ever be more to Sydney than just a lab-rat. He was, after all, nothing more than the culmination of Sydney's grandest science-experiment. It would be wise not to forget that. Bitterness and self-pity coursed through him in equal measure. He drifted off into an uneasy sleep and dreamt about fishing trips he would never take.
Later That Night
Jarod awoke to the sound of the lock disengaging. He groaned thinking about what Cox might have in store for him next. He didn't think he could survive much more of this. He blinked in confusion when he saw Lyle in the doorway. Lyle had been conspicuously absent from all the torture sessions. And the only memories Jarod had of seeing Lyle on the sublevel were hazy and indistinct, but they were of kindness.
Lyle just stood there and wavered. Jarod notice two bottles of scotch in his hand, one seemed about three-quarters full. Lyle lifted a bottle to his lips and took a large swallow. He looked down at Jarod.
"Hello"
Jarod eyed him suspiciously. Lyle was obviously on the way to being drunk and Jarod was afraid of what Lyle might do to him. Lyle cautiously entered the tiny room, eyeing the small space warily. No sweepers followed.
"What do you want Lyle?" he asked with resignation.
"Me? I don't want anything." He was fully in the cell now and brought one of the bottles up to his chest. He grinned. "Well, actually, that's not true. I thought maybe I could ask you a question, now pointing a bottle at Jarod, if you don't mind that is."
When the door clanged shut with a loud bang, Lyle jumped and turned around to look at it in confusion.
"Oh fuck! The door shut." He roared with laughter. "I made a rhyme."
"What do you want Lyle?" Jarod repeated. He was in no mood for any of Lyle's games.
"Jarod, will you have a drink with me?" he moved towards Jarod and offered him the unopened bottle. Jarod made no move to take it.
"That's your question?"
Lyle placed the bottle next to Jarod and slid down the wall to sit next to him. He took another swallow.
"Question?" Lyle cocked his head quizzically. "Oh my question." Lyle brought his knees up to his chest and rested the bottle on them.
Jarod did not know what type of twisted game Lyle was up to, but was surprised to see tears form in Lyle's eyes and was in no way prepared for his question.
Lyle was clearly uncomfortable. He looked from Jarod to the bottle and then back to Jarod. He took another swig and cast his eyes down to his hands.
"I wanted to know...." He cocked his head a little and plunged on "....to know what it was like to be wanted." It was barely a whisper.
Jarod was absolutely taken aback by the question. Before he could respond, Lyle had climbed to his feet and was trying to open the door.
"You can't open it." Jarod stated the obvious, with a hint of accusation in his voice.
"I have to get out of here now." Lyle was almost frantic, banging futilely on the door. He gave up after about a minute.
"Someone will be along soon. I imagine someone is laughing themselves silly watching you." Jarod could not keep the amusement out of his voice.
"Not so smart Boy Genius. No-one knows I'm here. No-one is watching. That's what I am supposed to be doing. Everyone else is in a big 'very' important meeting. But apparently my presence wasn't requested or required." Lyle was clearly unhappy about being excluded. He plomped himself down next to Jarod and took a long swallow.
Jarod was on his feet in an instant. This could finally be the opportunity he had been waiting for. He took a quick look at Lyle, and then ripped the cover from the air vent. He hoisted himself up and started making his way to freedom. He got a couple of metres into the pitch dark ventilation system before his head crunched into something solid. He reached forward only to find the way blocked by very solid metal bars. He gripped them and tried to shake them loose, but it was no use. He sobbed in frustration.
Back on the floor of the cell, Lyle smiled when he heard Jarod. But by the time Jarod had lowered himself back into the cell, there was no trace of that smile on Lyle's face.
Jarod tried to replace the cover of the air vent, but he had bent it when he wrenched it off. He looked down at Lyle and briefly thought of clubbing him with it. Lyle looked up at him with bleary eyes. In the end, he just placed it on the floor. Lyle waved his maimed hand in the general direction of the air vent.
"Waste of time. 's no good. Somebody finally wised up."
Jarod's emotions swung from elation, back to the black depression he had been experiencing. He looked at the bottle. He sat down next to Lyle, cracked the seal and took a drink.
He almost choked on the first swallow. Jarod had never been much of a drinker, and his body was so weak and undernourished now that the effects of the alcohol hit him almost instantly.
"Well, what's it like? Everybody wants you. I just wanna know how it feels to be wanted." Lyle pointed his finger at himself, jabbing himself in the chest repeatedly. "Me, I'm a good-looking guy, I've got money, I'm smart....... But nobody ever wanted me, not even when I was a kid. You know, I had three fathers....and not one of them..." he took another long swallow from the bottle and looked at Jarod, mutely waiting for a reply.
Jarod didn't know how to respond. He was still hurting badly from his encounter with Sydney and from the shattering knowledge that the air vents would offer no route of escape. And what's more, he didn't care. He took another drink. The Pretender looked at Lyle for a long time, trying to determine if this was some kind of ploy. He sighed, he believed that the pain in Lyle's eyes was real. He was about to respond when Lyle started again.
"You know they all love you. Even my own father, you are more important to him than I am. Just once I would like to feel that somebody wanted me, cared about me."
They sat in companionable silence. Each lost in their own thoughts. Jarod had stepped through the looking glass. He couldn't quite believe he was sitting here, getting drunk with this man. But here he was. As the alcohol permeated his system, the strangeness of the situation seemed less and less absurd. Jarod, quite drunk now, tried to sim Lyle. And he found that he had some sympathy for him. Despite all the things Lyle had done, Jarod found that he almost pitied him.
"It's not true." Jarod finally spoke up. He was nearly halfway through his bottle now. "They don't care about me."
"What are you talking about, for such a smart guy, you're pretty dumb. Of course they do."
"No" Jarod could not keep the bitterness out of his voice. "They only care about what I can do for them. I'm nothing more than a rat running their mazes. As a real person, I don't exist." Jarod looked at the floor and took another drink. "I never have." The silence stretched on.
Lyle seemed thoroughly engrossed in his missing thumb, and Jarod was carefully peeling the label from his bottle. Jarod looked up at Lyle and smiled. In another less bizarre situation, that smile would have been frightening. But they had both reached that gorgeous stage of drunkenness that allowed anyone to be your closest friend and confidante.
"And besides, you are an evil bastard!" Jarod poked Lyle in the arm with his half-empty bottle. They both burst into laughter.
Lyle looked up at Jarod in surprise. "I s'pose I am." Lyle punched Jarod playfully in the arm and sent him sprawling across the floor. "But hey, you're no angel yourself. Man, some of the things you've pulled. And I thought I had a vivid imagination."
Jarod looked wounded, "But they deserved it, they were all bad."
"Hey" Lyle raised his hands in submission. "You know my policy, don't ask, don't tell. I'm not judging man, just admiring your work. I particularly liked the one where you buried that guy alive, I gotta tell ya, it inspired me."
"Yeah, that was pretty good wasn't it? But my personal favourite......" Jarod was grinning.
Jarod crawled back and took another drink. He had spilled most of his remaining scotch. Lyle looked up expectantly.
"Do you remember Lyle 1?"
"Huh?"
"C'mon, sure, you remember. Did you know there was only 10 miles on the odometer?" Jarod was giggling now. "It was a shame really."
"You bastard!" Lyle cackled. "That's right! Shit, I loved that car." Lyle was shaking his head.
"Yep, I blew that puppy up with a guided missile. Sorry you missed it." Jarod was nodding his head as he remembered that sweetness of that moment.
"And you mailed me the goddamn number plate."
"Well" Jarod protested innocently, "I didn't want you worrying, you know, not knowing and all."
But then another thought struck Jarod.
"Wait, wait! Do you remember that time when I kidnapped you...."
"And you had that damned cattle prod?". They were both laughing hysterically. "Man, I thought my goose was cooked that day. I still can't figure out why you didn't......"
Jarod slung his arm around Lyle's shoulders, sending them both into another fit of laughter.
"Leave the thinking to the genius" he beamed a smile at Lyle and then screamed with laughter at his own wit.
When Lyle could catch his breath again he asked, "What about that time in Arizona, ohh, you were so pissed at me, then I..."
The laughter died in both their throats. They both straightened up.
"Then I killed your brother." Lyle finished, hanging his head.
"Yes you did." Jarod was fidgeting with the bottle.
Lyle looked directly at Jarod and waited until Jarod looked back at him.
"I am sorry. I am sorry I did that. You know, I didn't mean to."
"No, you meant to kill me. Maybe we all would have been better off if
you had."
All the humour had evaporated in both of them. Jarod's mood swung back
to morose depression.
"You saved him you know. You saved his soul."
"I didn't even know him." Jarod was shaking his head, lost in the
memory of that moment when Kyle had collapsed in his arms. It seemed a
lifetime ago, and Jarod was vaguely surprised at his lack of anger.
"Jarod?" Lyle took another drink, the bottle was almost empty. "Do you
think....... there's anything ...........redeeming........ in me, is there anything
worthwhile?" Lyle was searching for the words.
Jarod didn't answer Lyle. They both sat there in silence for a time.
Lyle was looking around the tiny room.
"How do you stand it?"
Jarod looked up in confusion. Lyle swept his arm around. "This. How do you stand this? Being here?" Lyle shuddered, remembering his own time being locked up.
"What choice do I have?"
"That's deep." Lyle was nodding to himself.
But Jarod wasn't listening to Lyle. He was thinking about his family, and the people he had previously thought of as his family. "Nobody loves me either."
Lyle looked at Jarod with disbelief.
"That's crap man. Sydney loves you more than his own son. And you have your father....."
Jarod looked down at his hands and shook his head.
"Sydney doesn't care about me. I wonder if he ever did. He just wants me to get back to work. All this time, I thought he......but it was all an act....he just wanted...... And my father doesn't need me anymore. He already has another me. A better me. One that's not as damaged. A newer model. He can reclaim all those lost years. He has his son back now. I have become redundant, obsolete, all I am is a reminder of.... They are both better of without me." Jarod, consumed by self-pity, curled himself into a tight ball and started rocking back and forth.
Lyle put a comforting hand on his back and waited until the worst of his emotions were spent. The alcohol was finished now and Lyle was playing with the empty bottle. He thought Jarod had fallen asleep.
"I am so tired. I am so sick of it all. It will never be over, will it?" Jarod asked in a voice so low Lyle could barely hear it.
"No" Lyle sighed, "They own you Jarod." There was no enmity in the statement. "It doesn't matter if you're out there or in here, they own you either way. They always did."
Jarod wanted to scream that Lyle was wrong. That he was a liar. But some part of him recognized the statement for what it was. It was simply the truth. That knowledge chased him into the blackness as he passed out.
"They own us all." Lyle looked down at the unconscious Pretender, and he was drunk enough to feel some genuine compassion.
In the surveillance room, Cox and Raines were watching. When they were certain that Jarod was truly asleep, they sent the sweepers in to collect Lyle. They tossed him carelessly on a bed in the staff quarters where he promptly fell asleep. Cox did not envy either man for the hangover they would have tomorrow.