a/n: Onisius.....you really saved me on this one...thanks
Chapter 8
SL-27 The Next Afternoon
When Lyle awoke, it was to a devastating hangover. His only solace was in his knowledge that Jarod would be infinitely worse off. He swallowed some aspirin and coffee and made his way to the surveillance room.
Cox tried unsuccessfully to repress a smile when he saw what bad shape Lyle was in.
"I see you're still alive"
"Barely. Is the genius awake yet?"
Lyle sat down next to Cox as Cox shook his head and started to replay the DSA from the previous night.
"Thought you might need some catch-up. Don't know how much you remember. But you hit paydirt. If Parker doesn't finish him today...." Cox was very pleased.
"Yes, the stuff about Gemini and his father. I thought Golden Boy was above such petty feelings of jealously and inadequacy. .......I never would have guessed....... Ohhh...... This is priceless. I don't think he knows where they are either, it must be killing him, after all these years to find his father, and then.... "
"Indeed, I think his little family reunion has not gone at all the way he had imagined. We may not need them after all. He is very bitter and yes, I would guess he has barely seen them. This isolates him even further...."
Lyle could see where he was going.
"That just leaves Parker. She is the only one he still has any strong connection to. Sever that.....ohhh let the games begin." Lyle was eager to get Parker down here. But then a nasty thought occurred to him.
"Has Raines seen this yet?" Lyle was distinctly uncomfortable with the idea of Raines seeing how vulnerable he had been. Would they believe it was just part of the act? Lyle had known Jarod would have seen straight through lies, so he had gone for broke, most of what he had said had been true. Feelings he had buried a long time ago, feelings that he refused to acknowledge, had resurfaced, and Lyle had been scared. Lyle did not like feeling out of control, and while Raines and Cox would buy his act, Lyle knew better, and he hated such vulnerability. He shook off the thought. It didn't matter anyway. He felt that it was going to be today. Parker would crush Jarod completely and then everything would have been worth it. And if she didn't......well, he had all new kinds of ammunition to play with now.
Cox had turned the monitors back to Jarod's cell, the Pretender was not yet awake. As Lyle looked at Jarod lying on the floor, he almost felt sorry for him. They really should give him a mattress and a blanket. If things went well today, who knows, maybe they would.
Jarod's Cell
When Jarod finally awoke, he wished he hadn't. Memories of the drinking session came flooding into his tired brain, and he was aghast at the things he had said, and to Lyle, of all people. He tried to tell himself it was just another bad dream, but the soul crushing hangover would not allow that. He gingerly got up and relieved himself, and then he noticed the bottles of water. He gratefully gulped the first one down in practically one swallow. He wondered if Lyle was in trouble, or whether he had been playing a game. But Jarod had seen the pain in his eyes and had believed it to be genuine. He shook his head, it made no difference anyway.
He lowered himself back on to the unyielding floor. At this moment he would have gladly given up a kidney for something soft to lie on. He fell uneasily into that place that is somewhere between awake and asleep.
It was a beautiful autumn day as Jarod pulled up at his father's favourite fishing spot. As he got out of the car, he relished the feel of the warm sun on his face and arms. He noticed that his father and Gem were already there and they were talking to Sydney. Jarod paused and looked at the three of them. A smile came to his face. He had imagined scenes just like this his entire life, and to finally experience it was almost overwhelming. He wanted to freeze this picture in his memory forever. As they prepared to launch the small boat, Jarod listened to the inconsequential chatter, and a feeling of contentment settled over him. Family. This was the kind of thing that families did. The two men and the boy were in the boat now and Jarod was pushing them from the shore. He was just about to jump in when Sydney put up his hand, shook his head sadly, and said.
"I'm sorry Jarod, but there's not enough room for you."
Jarod looked from him, dumbstruck, to the empty seat by Sydney's side, and was about to protest. Then the major put his hand, in a possessive gesture, on Gem's shoulder and turned to face Jarod.
"That's right. We don't really need you anymore."
"Yeah, c'mon dad, lets do some fishing."
As the boat moved off into the lake, Jarod could hear them laughing. He sank to his knees on the sand in shock, staring out at them. He wanted to swim out after them, but he couldn't get his muscles working. He remained that way, staring blindly for a long time.
He didn't notice the woman in front of him until she ran her fingers through his hair.
"Jarod, what's wrong? Jarod you're scaring me."
He looked up into her beautiful blue eyes. They were full of concern.
"They don't want me." He said miserably. He grabbed her waist and buried his head into her abdomen. "Nobody will ever want me."
She pulled him to his feet and tenderly held his face with both of her hands.
"Don't worry silly, The Centre will always want you. The Centre will always need you." She looked into his misery filled eyes. "And I will always want you. I will always need you." He looked at her, and he knew this was wrong. It was just another trick. She had rejected him so many times before, and he couldn't withstand her playing with him like this.
"I lo....." she began. Jarod put his lips to her lips to stop the lie. He had waited his entire life to hear her say those words, but he could not survive hearing them now, knowing it was a lie. The kiss was tender, full of yearning and loss, but to Jarod, it tasted like the ashes of dead dreams. He released her, pushing her gently away and did what he always did. He slung his bag over his shoulder and walked away. Alone.
Sam could see that Jarod was in the middle of a dream, an unpleasant one he suspected. He kicked him in the thigh. Jarod tried to roll away. Sam was losing patience, and kicked him again, harder. Jarod groaned as his stomach started doing cartwheels and he reluctantly opened his eyes.
"Rise and shine." When Jarod refused to move, Sam reached down and hauled him to his feet. When Jarod tried to pull away, Sam slammed him into the wall. Jarod crumpled bonelessly to the floor. He wanted to crawl inside himself as his already nasty headache exploded into something truly mind- shattering. Sam reached down, grabbed the collar of the Pretender's shirt, and proceeded to drag a thoroughly wretched Jarod into the hallway. Willie was approaching.
"Where have you been?" Sam growled.
"Helping Cox set up. I think our boy is in for a special treat today." Willie grabbed one of the hapless Pretender's arms and helped Sam drag him down the hall.
They pulled Jarod into Cox's favourite room, ripped his shirt from him and strapped him tightly into a high-backed metal chair. Sam and Willie left Jarod alone in the empty room. Jarod waited for Cox to show up, but when he didn't, he sighed in relief. He didn't have the energy even to wonder what they had in store for him today, and he certainly didn't know how he could possibly survive it.
The Surveillance Room
Lyle was still not feeling the best, and a quick look at Jarod assured him that he was not the only one. He looked over at Cox.
"I need a break. I'm going out for some Chinese. I have been stuck down here for days, I need some fresh air and a little diversion."
Cox looked up from what he was reading. He was only half listening to Lyle.
"What?......But what about Jarod?"
"Let him stew there for a while. It looks like he's not feeling too crash hot. Let the hangover wear off. I want his attention fully focused when Parker comes down for a visit. And it will be a nice break for him, get him out of the cell and all."
Lyle chuckled at that thought. Watching Jarod squirming, he didn't even want to begin to imagine how uncomfortable Jarod would be in that chair. And after a few hours, it would become unbearable. Jarod would be fit to be tied, Lyle chuckled again.....oh wait, he already was.
As Lyle was making his way out, he popped his head back around the door.
"I'll be back, in say, 5 hours. Don't start without me."
"Wouldn't dream of it."
Miss Parker's Office
Parker, Sydney and Broots were at a total dead end. For the last month Broots had been banging his head against the security system.
"It's impenetrable. Maybe Jarod could crack it. But it's beyond my abilities." The admission was a bitter one. "I don't know what else I can do."
"Broots, they are killing him."
"I'm sorry Syd, I don't know what else to do." He repeated, he was clearly frustrated. "Maybe with more time..." Broots had not seen Jarod, and he was glad. Since the Pretender's return, Broots' focus had been redirected to running the mainframe for the entire facility. But he had still been unable to get into the sub level system. He had felt guilty, not only could he not get into the security, but his life had definitely become easier since Jarod's return. He looked from Sydney to Miss Parker, sighed and made a discrete exit.
Sydney looked at Parker. "I have done many unspeakable things Parker. Things to protect Jarod. But after yesterday, I will never betray him again."
Parker looked at Sydney, "You can't give up on him now. Don't make promises you can't keep. C'mon Syd, you know you will do whatever is necessary."
Sydney sighed and tears filled his eyes.
"No Parker. I am done. I will never be able to disappoint him or betray him again. He will not allow it. Trust has been broken and I fear that he is lost to me now. I have hurt him for the very last time. Whatever fragile bond we once had, has been severed, irrevocably. He has forgiven me many things, but...."
"Syd, he was just hurt and angry, in time he will understand...."
"No he won't. How much can a person take in one lifetime before it is too much? How far can you push someone before there is no turning back?" Sydney drifted off into his own thoughts.
Sydney had not gone home last night, he had spent the night in his office, he had been horrified at the things he had said, the way he had felt. Jarod deserved better. He had catalogued all the pain he had caused Jarod throughout the years, all the times he had failed him and let him down. It was a long list. He thought about everything that had been stolen from Jarod, all the things he had been denied. But worst of all, were all the phone calls, when Jarod had reached out, practically begging Sydney for some kind of affection, some validation. "I was wondering if you ever thought about what it would have been like to be my father." Sydney cringed at the memory of it. "That was never an option Jarod, so I never allowed myself to entertain such a notion." He felt sick. He would regret that lie, and so many others, for the rest of his life. Jarod deserved the truth. After all the things that Jarod had done for him, his eyes lingered on the photos of Jacob and Nicholas, and he had failed to give Jarod even the smallest comfort. Jarod had given Sydney so much of himself, had trusted him and Sydney had stolen his life. And now it was too late. Sydney had once asked for Jarod's forgiveness, and he had believed that one day he might have earned it. But now he knew that that would never happen, he didn't deserve it.
"Are you with us Freud?" Parker was snapping her fingers at Sydney's face.
"It's up to you now Parker. He won't ever listen to me again. He will die if he stays down there much longer." He put his head in his hands and wept.
Parker looked at Sydney and was appalled. She knew things weren't going well, but she couldn't believe that Sydney would give up on Jarod. She jumped when the phone rang. "What?"
Sydney looked up.
"That was Lyle. He wants me down there."
"Please Parker, you have to save him."
"I don't know what you think I can do that I haven't already tried."
She looked up as Sam knocked on her door. She put a hand on Sydney's shoulder. "I'll try."
Parker hated that Lyle had poached Sam from her. But she hoped Sam would still be loyal to her. As they rode down in the elevator, Parker turned to Sam and asked. "What's going on with Jarod?"
Sam shifted uncomfortably. It was clear that he didn't want to discuss it.
"Mr Lyle said I was to bring you straight down."
Parker gave him a withering look.
"It's not good. Cox and Lyle are destroying him. But he is one stubborn bastard. Anybody else would have given up a long time ago. I don't know how he has survived this long."
"Sam, ....."
The elevator doors slid open and Lyle was waiting.
"So pleased you could join us." He drawled.
"Lets cut the crap. What do you want Lyle?"
"What I've always wanted. To get the Boy Wonder working. Time has run out. You and Sydney have failed miserably, and if the Labrat doesn't get working now, it's over for him."
They were approaching a door. Lyle gestured for Parker to enter, and then he followed. He flicked a switch and the dark window was illuminated.
Parker hissed in a shocked breath at what she saw. Jarod was strapped to a chair and he was bare-chested. Numerous electrodes were hanging from his face and body. Parker had known that he had lost weight, but she was horrified at how thin he was. He had a figure almost to rival a skeleton. Her soul screamed out in protest when she saw the damage that had been inflicted upon him. His torso was criss-crossed with welts and scars. Some looked like they had healed over, but others were still fresh. There were bruises all the way from his wrists to his shoulders on both arms. Some were faded yellow, and others were black and purple. She had seen the sweepers grab him many times, but had never given it very much thought. Her heart was breaking for him. She had known of course that things were going on down here, but she had never allowed herself to imagine anything like this. And Jarod had never once said anything to indicate how bad things truly were.
Lyle was carefully watching her reactions.
"Not a pretty sight."
She turned on him with fury blazing in her eyes.
"Lyle, you goddamn bastard! You are lucky I don't kill you right here!"
Lyle laughed at her. "You are beautiful when you're angry." He caught her hand just before it got to his face.
"Now, if you don't want to make things worse for Ratboy in there, you will get in there and make him do as he is goddamn told." He twisted her wrist cruelly.
She looked at her brother with contempt. She knew that this was not the time, but his time would come.
"Ahh, so it begins." He let go of her wrist. "Now watch."
Parker's attention was drawn to the window as she absently rubbed her wrist, Cox had entered with Willie and Sam and was slowly circling around Jarod. He reminded Parker of a shark.
"Well Jarod, here we are again. Do you know, I am getting a little bored with this game, perhaps tomorrow I will have to try something new. What do you think?" Cox walked over to a machine and flipped a switch. Jarod's body twitched and he let out a low moan.
"Have you had a change of heart?"
Jarod answered with a sneer.
"No, I can see that you haven't. Very well." He walked back to the machine and dialled it up a notch. Jarod's body tensed and was now shaking.
Parker could see that he was straining against the leather restraints, his fists were clenched so tight that his knuckles were white.
"Enough?" Cox cranked the machine again and a scream ripped from Jarod. He turned the machine off and Jarod slumped in relief, panting heavily. His ruined body was slick with sweat.
Parker turned to Lyle. "Stop this now!"
"No can do. Sorry sis, it stops when he starts. Just what part of that do you not understand? If you think you can convince him to cooperate, then go for it." Parker moved to the door, only to find it locked. Lyle made no move to unlock it.
"He's not ready yet. He needs a minute" Lyle chuckled. "He's an artist you know, high strung, doesn't like to be interrupted."
Parker watched Jarod and she knew that she had to get through to him somehow. Surely he could not survive much longer. All the begging and pleading had been useless. So she decided that she would do what she knows best. She would be the ice-queen. She had always chosen survival over her emotions. And as much as this would hurt her, hurt them both, she would choose Jarod's survival over her own emotions now. She desperately wanted to take him in her arms and run away from this place. Take all his hurt away. But instead, she gathered every negative emotion she could find, thought of every shitty thing he had ever done to her over the years and wrapped it around her like a blanket. She thought about Tommy, about how Jarod's pursuit had killed him. When she entered the room she would be prepared, and Jarod would be afraid.
Cox came around to face Jarod.
"You have a choice Jarod."
Jarod croaked out a laugh. He looked down at the strap across his chest, the restraints binding his wrists to the chair and at the two sweepers.
"Yes, I can see that."
Cox was not perturbed.
"Ahhh Jarod. There are always choices, we may not always like them, but they are there, nonetheless." The door opened to admit Miss Parker.
Cox looked up and continued. "Take Miss Parker here, she has made her choice, now it is time for you to make yours."
Jarod hissed in a breath and Cox smiled as he saw that he had hit his mark. Cox strolled back over to the machine. Parker did not miss the significance of Cox's proximity to the controls.
As she looked at Jarod, she fought hard not to cry. She was expecting some retort from him, an accusation, it would make it easier for her, but he just sat there, staring at her. There was none of the warmth and sparkle in those eyes that she was so used to. Since he had been captured, he had barely spoken to her.
"They tell me you have not been cooperating."
"How can you do this?" It was barely a whisper.
"Don't be so naïve Jarod." She shook her head.
"Parker, please, you know you don't have to do this." His eyes were pleading with her.
Parker swallowed the bile in her throat and laughed at him. "Centre reality check Jarod. When are you going to figure out how things really work?"
"It's even worse than that Miss Parker." Cox spoke up, eager to fuel the little lover's tiff. "Did you know he tried to escape last night?"
"Did he really?" A brief spark of hope ignited in her. "We can't have that now, can we?"
"We do what we have to, just to get by in this life Miss Parker" Jarod's anger was rising. He was glaring at her now.
She hated that he threw back her own words at her, and she was glad he was restrained. He looked like he wanted to kill her, and she was very afraid of him at this moment. She used her fear like a weapon.
"Why can't you, just for once, do as you are told? Why do you always have to make everything so damn difficult?"
"Do as I am told for once?" Jarod was incredulous. "What!? I have been doing what I am told for the last thirty fucking years!"
Jarod was furious now. He tried in vain to free himself from the chair, almost crazy with frustration. How he wanted to get his hands on her. He was nothing to her but some kind of animal, sport. And she was the consummate hunter. "I run, you chase. That's the way it goes isn't it?" he finally growled out at her.
She pulled her gun and ground it mercilessly into his knee. "We'll see how much running you do with a bullet in your knee. So help me Jarod."
Jarod grimaced in pain as he tried to move his knee away. But he was hindered by the restraints.
"Your mother would be so proud." He ground out through clenched teeth.
"You son of a bitch!" She slapped him, hard, across the face.
Jarod's head rocked to one side, a stinging red handprint standing out on his pale skin, blood oozing down his chin from the corner of his mouth.
Anger and fury consumed her. She moved in close to him. Pushed the muzzle of her gun deep into the hollow at his throat. She roughly grabbed his face and pulled it around so he was facing her. When he tried to pull from her grasp, she grabbed tighter, digging her nails into the soft flesh of his cheek. Her eyes bored into his.
"I've warned you before, leave my mother out of it." She used her thumb to smear the blood over his lips, forcing it into his mouth. As Jarod helplessly sat there, she saw Tommy. She saw his sprawled and bloody body sitting on her front porch, and it wasn't Jarod's blood that she saw on her hands, it was Tommy's. Jarod had killed Tommy. Jarod had sent Tommy to her and he must have known what was going to happen. She wanted him to taste that blood, taste the guilt. She wanted him to know.
Jarod flinched from her fury. And his anger turned to bitter disappointment as he looked into her eyes, searching for some evidence of the woman he wanted her to be. Looking for the little girl that had given him his first kiss. He had since measured all other kisses by that kiss, and had found them all wanting. Now, tasting his own blood, he found nothing but coldness.
She finally let him go, pushing his head back so that it banged painfully against the back of the chair.
"Somebody put this rat back in it's cage." She dismissed Jarod contemptuously and calmly placed her gun back in it's holster. "We are done here."
Cox stood serenely, his hands folded behind his back. He was enjoying the show immensely. He nodded to Willie and Sam when he realised that Parker had finished.
Jarod looked at her now as if seeing her for the very first time. Finally he closed his eyes. Perhaps she had become the façade after all. Jarod had held on to the childhood ideal of her for so long, the only light in his otherwise dark life, that he had failed to recognize the reality. She was a product of The Centre and she had not survived this long on family ties alone. She had flourished and could hold her own against the best and worst of them. The little girl was long gone, despite his stubborn refusals. Had he been so desperate for any kind of affection, that he had manufactured some where none had really existed? As this knowledge crashed into him, it was like a great gust of wind had blown out the only candle remaining in the dark. The simple truth was that she didn't love him, and would never love him. The idealised love that he had carried throughout his entire life had finally been extinguished. That last tiny piece of him that clung to hope, broke and shattered. He did not have the strength to withstand any further degradations of the soul. And as his 'happily ever after' died, he finally realised that he belonged to them now, there was nothing in him left to fight with.
Willie and Sam approached Jarod cautiously. He might only be a shadow of the man he used to be, but he could still be dangerous. As they unstrapped him from his restraints, they were expecting a fight. They grabbed him tightly, but he staggered in their grips. Jarod had been strapped down for too long and he could not get his limbs to work. He hung helplessly in their grasp as they dragged him out the door. He did not look at her again.
Parker watched in numb misery as the sweepers grabbed Jarod. As they roughly hauled him towards the door, she was offered her first view of the devastation that had been wrought upon his back. Her anger evaporated immediately. Tears sprang to her eyes as she gauged the extent of that damage. Her hand flew to her mouth as she tried to suppress a silent scream when she saw the large capital L that had been carved into the midst of the wreckage, between his shoulder blades.
When Jarod had been removed, Lyle entered. He was ecstatic.
"Things could not have gone any better." He was practically dancing. "Splendid. Splendid."
"Yes, very well done Miss Parker. I must congratulate you. That was an impressive performance."
"Sis, you were wonderful, just wonderful."
Parker looked at him in horror.
"Ohh, you liked my handiwork? I have been dying to tell him about it" Lyle shot an amused look at Cox, "but I just can't seem to find the right time."
Parker shot them both a look of pure poison. She made a move towards the door, half expecting Lyle to stop her. But he was too busy with Cox and she slipped out. When Parker was out the door she ran to the bathroom and threw up. She sat there for a long time and cried until there were no more tears left.
"Oh Jarod, what have I done? I am so sorry."
The image of that L was burned into Parker's memory as surely as it was carved into Jarod's flesh. It had looked like it was still fairly fresh, dark purple bruising surrounding the immediate area. Parker closed her eyes against the revulsion of knowing that Jarod would carry Lyle's mark for the rest of his life.
Sam eventually found her and escorted her back to her office where Sydney was still waiting. After one look at her face, he did not need to ask how things had gone.
"Ohh Sydney, what have I done?"
Sydney quickly got up and eased her into her chair.
"Parker, what happened?" Alarm making his voice shrill.
But Parker slowly shook her head, tears coursing down her cheeks. How could she tell Sydney what had just happened? Shame burned through her at what she had said and done. How could she ever face Jarod again? How could she ever look in a mirror again?
Sydney held her in a clumsy embrace and rocked her gently back and forth. But as he was stroking her hair, he was thinking about Jarod.
After Parker left, Lyle and Cox made their way to the elevators. It was time to give the good news to Raines. Lyle could not hide his glee.
"Too bad Raines missed it." Lyle snickered.
"Yes, I guess someone forgot to invite him." Cox shot Lyle a knowing look.
When they got back to the cell, Jarod was thrown carelessly onto the floor. His limbs weren't working still, so he remained where he had fallen. He fell asleep almost instantly. And for the first time in many years, he was not plagued by dreams.
The Next Day Jarod's Cell
When Jarod finally awoke, he was stiff and sore from lying on the concrete for so long. But he felt well-rested and he wondered if this was the kind of sleep that other people took for granted. He noticed that his food was already there and he consumed it without tasting it. He would do the sim today. And as he admitted this to himself, he was surprised at the feeling of relief that swept through him. He had fought so hard and for so long, and for what? He was glad that it was finally over. Things would be easier now. All the pointless guilt, he had tried so hard, everyday, since he broke out to wipe the innocent blood from his hands. But nothing he could ever do would remove it, nothing would ever be enough. The endless search for answers that probably didn't exist, he was so tired of it all. The pain and suffering. Was it that much to ask just to get through one day without some new atrocity being inflicted upon him?
When he heard the lock disengage, he rose to his feet and moved forward when Sam beckoned him.
"What's it gonna be, the sim lab or a meeting with Mr Cox?"
"The sim lab" Jarod said in a small voice. He couldn't even work up enough emotion to hate himself for it.
"Good boy", Sam praised him as you would a small puppy.
Chapter 8
SL-27 The Next Afternoon
When Lyle awoke, it was to a devastating hangover. His only solace was in his knowledge that Jarod would be infinitely worse off. He swallowed some aspirin and coffee and made his way to the surveillance room.
Cox tried unsuccessfully to repress a smile when he saw what bad shape Lyle was in.
"I see you're still alive"
"Barely. Is the genius awake yet?"
Lyle sat down next to Cox as Cox shook his head and started to replay the DSA from the previous night.
"Thought you might need some catch-up. Don't know how much you remember. But you hit paydirt. If Parker doesn't finish him today...." Cox was very pleased.
"Yes, the stuff about Gemini and his father. I thought Golden Boy was above such petty feelings of jealously and inadequacy. .......I never would have guessed....... Ohhh...... This is priceless. I don't think he knows where they are either, it must be killing him, after all these years to find his father, and then.... "
"Indeed, I think his little family reunion has not gone at all the way he had imagined. We may not need them after all. He is very bitter and yes, I would guess he has barely seen them. This isolates him even further...."
Lyle could see where he was going.
"That just leaves Parker. She is the only one he still has any strong connection to. Sever that.....ohhh let the games begin." Lyle was eager to get Parker down here. But then a nasty thought occurred to him.
"Has Raines seen this yet?" Lyle was distinctly uncomfortable with the idea of Raines seeing how vulnerable he had been. Would they believe it was just part of the act? Lyle had known Jarod would have seen straight through lies, so he had gone for broke, most of what he had said had been true. Feelings he had buried a long time ago, feelings that he refused to acknowledge, had resurfaced, and Lyle had been scared. Lyle did not like feeling out of control, and while Raines and Cox would buy his act, Lyle knew better, and he hated such vulnerability. He shook off the thought. It didn't matter anyway. He felt that it was going to be today. Parker would crush Jarod completely and then everything would have been worth it. And if she didn't......well, he had all new kinds of ammunition to play with now.
Cox had turned the monitors back to Jarod's cell, the Pretender was not yet awake. As Lyle looked at Jarod lying on the floor, he almost felt sorry for him. They really should give him a mattress and a blanket. If things went well today, who knows, maybe they would.
Jarod's Cell
When Jarod finally awoke, he wished he hadn't. Memories of the drinking session came flooding into his tired brain, and he was aghast at the things he had said, and to Lyle, of all people. He tried to tell himself it was just another bad dream, but the soul crushing hangover would not allow that. He gingerly got up and relieved himself, and then he noticed the bottles of water. He gratefully gulped the first one down in practically one swallow. He wondered if Lyle was in trouble, or whether he had been playing a game. But Jarod had seen the pain in his eyes and had believed it to be genuine. He shook his head, it made no difference anyway.
He lowered himself back on to the unyielding floor. At this moment he would have gladly given up a kidney for something soft to lie on. He fell uneasily into that place that is somewhere between awake and asleep.
It was a beautiful autumn day as Jarod pulled up at his father's favourite fishing spot. As he got out of the car, he relished the feel of the warm sun on his face and arms. He noticed that his father and Gem were already there and they were talking to Sydney. Jarod paused and looked at the three of them. A smile came to his face. He had imagined scenes just like this his entire life, and to finally experience it was almost overwhelming. He wanted to freeze this picture in his memory forever. As they prepared to launch the small boat, Jarod listened to the inconsequential chatter, and a feeling of contentment settled over him. Family. This was the kind of thing that families did. The two men and the boy were in the boat now and Jarod was pushing them from the shore. He was just about to jump in when Sydney put up his hand, shook his head sadly, and said.
"I'm sorry Jarod, but there's not enough room for you."
Jarod looked from him, dumbstruck, to the empty seat by Sydney's side, and was about to protest. Then the major put his hand, in a possessive gesture, on Gem's shoulder and turned to face Jarod.
"That's right. We don't really need you anymore."
"Yeah, c'mon dad, lets do some fishing."
As the boat moved off into the lake, Jarod could hear them laughing. He sank to his knees on the sand in shock, staring out at them. He wanted to swim out after them, but he couldn't get his muscles working. He remained that way, staring blindly for a long time.
He didn't notice the woman in front of him until she ran her fingers through his hair.
"Jarod, what's wrong? Jarod you're scaring me."
He looked up into her beautiful blue eyes. They were full of concern.
"They don't want me." He said miserably. He grabbed her waist and buried his head into her abdomen. "Nobody will ever want me."
She pulled him to his feet and tenderly held his face with both of her hands.
"Don't worry silly, The Centre will always want you. The Centre will always need you." She looked into his misery filled eyes. "And I will always want you. I will always need you." He looked at her, and he knew this was wrong. It was just another trick. She had rejected him so many times before, and he couldn't withstand her playing with him like this.
"I lo....." she began. Jarod put his lips to her lips to stop the lie. He had waited his entire life to hear her say those words, but he could not survive hearing them now, knowing it was a lie. The kiss was tender, full of yearning and loss, but to Jarod, it tasted like the ashes of dead dreams. He released her, pushing her gently away and did what he always did. He slung his bag over his shoulder and walked away. Alone.
Sam could see that Jarod was in the middle of a dream, an unpleasant one he suspected. He kicked him in the thigh. Jarod tried to roll away. Sam was losing patience, and kicked him again, harder. Jarod groaned as his stomach started doing cartwheels and he reluctantly opened his eyes.
"Rise and shine." When Jarod refused to move, Sam reached down and hauled him to his feet. When Jarod tried to pull away, Sam slammed him into the wall. Jarod crumpled bonelessly to the floor. He wanted to crawl inside himself as his already nasty headache exploded into something truly mind- shattering. Sam reached down, grabbed the collar of the Pretender's shirt, and proceeded to drag a thoroughly wretched Jarod into the hallway. Willie was approaching.
"Where have you been?" Sam growled.
"Helping Cox set up. I think our boy is in for a special treat today." Willie grabbed one of the hapless Pretender's arms and helped Sam drag him down the hall.
They pulled Jarod into Cox's favourite room, ripped his shirt from him and strapped him tightly into a high-backed metal chair. Sam and Willie left Jarod alone in the empty room. Jarod waited for Cox to show up, but when he didn't, he sighed in relief. He didn't have the energy even to wonder what they had in store for him today, and he certainly didn't know how he could possibly survive it.
The Surveillance Room
Lyle was still not feeling the best, and a quick look at Jarod assured him that he was not the only one. He looked over at Cox.
"I need a break. I'm going out for some Chinese. I have been stuck down here for days, I need some fresh air and a little diversion."
Cox looked up from what he was reading. He was only half listening to Lyle.
"What?......But what about Jarod?"
"Let him stew there for a while. It looks like he's not feeling too crash hot. Let the hangover wear off. I want his attention fully focused when Parker comes down for a visit. And it will be a nice break for him, get him out of the cell and all."
Lyle chuckled at that thought. Watching Jarod squirming, he didn't even want to begin to imagine how uncomfortable Jarod would be in that chair. And after a few hours, it would become unbearable. Jarod would be fit to be tied, Lyle chuckled again.....oh wait, he already was.
As Lyle was making his way out, he popped his head back around the door.
"I'll be back, in say, 5 hours. Don't start without me."
"Wouldn't dream of it."
Miss Parker's Office
Parker, Sydney and Broots were at a total dead end. For the last month Broots had been banging his head against the security system.
"It's impenetrable. Maybe Jarod could crack it. But it's beyond my abilities." The admission was a bitter one. "I don't know what else I can do."
"Broots, they are killing him."
"I'm sorry Syd, I don't know what else to do." He repeated, he was clearly frustrated. "Maybe with more time..." Broots had not seen Jarod, and he was glad. Since the Pretender's return, Broots' focus had been redirected to running the mainframe for the entire facility. But he had still been unable to get into the sub level system. He had felt guilty, not only could he not get into the security, but his life had definitely become easier since Jarod's return. He looked from Sydney to Miss Parker, sighed and made a discrete exit.
Sydney looked at Parker. "I have done many unspeakable things Parker. Things to protect Jarod. But after yesterday, I will never betray him again."
Parker looked at Sydney, "You can't give up on him now. Don't make promises you can't keep. C'mon Syd, you know you will do whatever is necessary."
Sydney sighed and tears filled his eyes.
"No Parker. I am done. I will never be able to disappoint him or betray him again. He will not allow it. Trust has been broken and I fear that he is lost to me now. I have hurt him for the very last time. Whatever fragile bond we once had, has been severed, irrevocably. He has forgiven me many things, but...."
"Syd, he was just hurt and angry, in time he will understand...."
"No he won't. How much can a person take in one lifetime before it is too much? How far can you push someone before there is no turning back?" Sydney drifted off into his own thoughts.
Sydney had not gone home last night, he had spent the night in his office, he had been horrified at the things he had said, the way he had felt. Jarod deserved better. He had catalogued all the pain he had caused Jarod throughout the years, all the times he had failed him and let him down. It was a long list. He thought about everything that had been stolen from Jarod, all the things he had been denied. But worst of all, were all the phone calls, when Jarod had reached out, practically begging Sydney for some kind of affection, some validation. "I was wondering if you ever thought about what it would have been like to be my father." Sydney cringed at the memory of it. "That was never an option Jarod, so I never allowed myself to entertain such a notion." He felt sick. He would regret that lie, and so many others, for the rest of his life. Jarod deserved the truth. After all the things that Jarod had done for him, his eyes lingered on the photos of Jacob and Nicholas, and he had failed to give Jarod even the smallest comfort. Jarod had given Sydney so much of himself, had trusted him and Sydney had stolen his life. And now it was too late. Sydney had once asked for Jarod's forgiveness, and he had believed that one day he might have earned it. But now he knew that that would never happen, he didn't deserve it.
"Are you with us Freud?" Parker was snapping her fingers at Sydney's face.
"It's up to you now Parker. He won't ever listen to me again. He will die if he stays down there much longer." He put his head in his hands and wept.
Parker looked at Sydney and was appalled. She knew things weren't going well, but she couldn't believe that Sydney would give up on Jarod. She jumped when the phone rang. "What?"
Sydney looked up.
"That was Lyle. He wants me down there."
"Please Parker, you have to save him."
"I don't know what you think I can do that I haven't already tried."
She looked up as Sam knocked on her door. She put a hand on Sydney's shoulder. "I'll try."
Parker hated that Lyle had poached Sam from her. But she hoped Sam would still be loyal to her. As they rode down in the elevator, Parker turned to Sam and asked. "What's going on with Jarod?"
Sam shifted uncomfortably. It was clear that he didn't want to discuss it.
"Mr Lyle said I was to bring you straight down."
Parker gave him a withering look.
"It's not good. Cox and Lyle are destroying him. But he is one stubborn bastard. Anybody else would have given up a long time ago. I don't know how he has survived this long."
"Sam, ....."
The elevator doors slid open and Lyle was waiting.
"So pleased you could join us." He drawled.
"Lets cut the crap. What do you want Lyle?"
"What I've always wanted. To get the Boy Wonder working. Time has run out. You and Sydney have failed miserably, and if the Labrat doesn't get working now, it's over for him."
They were approaching a door. Lyle gestured for Parker to enter, and then he followed. He flicked a switch and the dark window was illuminated.
Parker hissed in a shocked breath at what she saw. Jarod was strapped to a chair and he was bare-chested. Numerous electrodes were hanging from his face and body. Parker had known that he had lost weight, but she was horrified at how thin he was. He had a figure almost to rival a skeleton. Her soul screamed out in protest when she saw the damage that had been inflicted upon him. His torso was criss-crossed with welts and scars. Some looked like they had healed over, but others were still fresh. There were bruises all the way from his wrists to his shoulders on both arms. Some were faded yellow, and others were black and purple. She had seen the sweepers grab him many times, but had never given it very much thought. Her heart was breaking for him. She had known of course that things were going on down here, but she had never allowed herself to imagine anything like this. And Jarod had never once said anything to indicate how bad things truly were.
Lyle was carefully watching her reactions.
"Not a pretty sight."
She turned on him with fury blazing in her eyes.
"Lyle, you goddamn bastard! You are lucky I don't kill you right here!"
Lyle laughed at her. "You are beautiful when you're angry." He caught her hand just before it got to his face.
"Now, if you don't want to make things worse for Ratboy in there, you will get in there and make him do as he is goddamn told." He twisted her wrist cruelly.
She looked at her brother with contempt. She knew that this was not the time, but his time would come.
"Ahh, so it begins." He let go of her wrist. "Now watch."
Parker's attention was drawn to the window as she absently rubbed her wrist, Cox had entered with Willie and Sam and was slowly circling around Jarod. He reminded Parker of a shark.
"Well Jarod, here we are again. Do you know, I am getting a little bored with this game, perhaps tomorrow I will have to try something new. What do you think?" Cox walked over to a machine and flipped a switch. Jarod's body twitched and he let out a low moan.
"Have you had a change of heart?"
Jarod answered with a sneer.
"No, I can see that you haven't. Very well." He walked back to the machine and dialled it up a notch. Jarod's body tensed and was now shaking.
Parker could see that he was straining against the leather restraints, his fists were clenched so tight that his knuckles were white.
"Enough?" Cox cranked the machine again and a scream ripped from Jarod. He turned the machine off and Jarod slumped in relief, panting heavily. His ruined body was slick with sweat.
Parker turned to Lyle. "Stop this now!"
"No can do. Sorry sis, it stops when he starts. Just what part of that do you not understand? If you think you can convince him to cooperate, then go for it." Parker moved to the door, only to find it locked. Lyle made no move to unlock it.
"He's not ready yet. He needs a minute" Lyle chuckled. "He's an artist you know, high strung, doesn't like to be interrupted."
Parker watched Jarod and she knew that she had to get through to him somehow. Surely he could not survive much longer. All the begging and pleading had been useless. So she decided that she would do what she knows best. She would be the ice-queen. She had always chosen survival over her emotions. And as much as this would hurt her, hurt them both, she would choose Jarod's survival over her own emotions now. She desperately wanted to take him in her arms and run away from this place. Take all his hurt away. But instead, she gathered every negative emotion she could find, thought of every shitty thing he had ever done to her over the years and wrapped it around her like a blanket. She thought about Tommy, about how Jarod's pursuit had killed him. When she entered the room she would be prepared, and Jarod would be afraid.
Cox came around to face Jarod.
"You have a choice Jarod."
Jarod croaked out a laugh. He looked down at the strap across his chest, the restraints binding his wrists to the chair and at the two sweepers.
"Yes, I can see that."
Cox was not perturbed.
"Ahhh Jarod. There are always choices, we may not always like them, but they are there, nonetheless." The door opened to admit Miss Parker.
Cox looked up and continued. "Take Miss Parker here, she has made her choice, now it is time for you to make yours."
Jarod hissed in a breath and Cox smiled as he saw that he had hit his mark. Cox strolled back over to the machine. Parker did not miss the significance of Cox's proximity to the controls.
As she looked at Jarod, she fought hard not to cry. She was expecting some retort from him, an accusation, it would make it easier for her, but he just sat there, staring at her. There was none of the warmth and sparkle in those eyes that she was so used to. Since he had been captured, he had barely spoken to her.
"They tell me you have not been cooperating."
"How can you do this?" It was barely a whisper.
"Don't be so naïve Jarod." She shook her head.
"Parker, please, you know you don't have to do this." His eyes were pleading with her.
Parker swallowed the bile in her throat and laughed at him. "Centre reality check Jarod. When are you going to figure out how things really work?"
"It's even worse than that Miss Parker." Cox spoke up, eager to fuel the little lover's tiff. "Did you know he tried to escape last night?"
"Did he really?" A brief spark of hope ignited in her. "We can't have that now, can we?"
"We do what we have to, just to get by in this life Miss Parker" Jarod's anger was rising. He was glaring at her now.
She hated that he threw back her own words at her, and she was glad he was restrained. He looked like he wanted to kill her, and she was very afraid of him at this moment. She used her fear like a weapon.
"Why can't you, just for once, do as you are told? Why do you always have to make everything so damn difficult?"
"Do as I am told for once?" Jarod was incredulous. "What!? I have been doing what I am told for the last thirty fucking years!"
Jarod was furious now. He tried in vain to free himself from the chair, almost crazy with frustration. How he wanted to get his hands on her. He was nothing to her but some kind of animal, sport. And she was the consummate hunter. "I run, you chase. That's the way it goes isn't it?" he finally growled out at her.
She pulled her gun and ground it mercilessly into his knee. "We'll see how much running you do with a bullet in your knee. So help me Jarod."
Jarod grimaced in pain as he tried to move his knee away. But he was hindered by the restraints.
"Your mother would be so proud." He ground out through clenched teeth.
"You son of a bitch!" She slapped him, hard, across the face.
Jarod's head rocked to one side, a stinging red handprint standing out on his pale skin, blood oozing down his chin from the corner of his mouth.
Anger and fury consumed her. She moved in close to him. Pushed the muzzle of her gun deep into the hollow at his throat. She roughly grabbed his face and pulled it around so he was facing her. When he tried to pull from her grasp, she grabbed tighter, digging her nails into the soft flesh of his cheek. Her eyes bored into his.
"I've warned you before, leave my mother out of it." She used her thumb to smear the blood over his lips, forcing it into his mouth. As Jarod helplessly sat there, she saw Tommy. She saw his sprawled and bloody body sitting on her front porch, and it wasn't Jarod's blood that she saw on her hands, it was Tommy's. Jarod had killed Tommy. Jarod had sent Tommy to her and he must have known what was going to happen. She wanted him to taste that blood, taste the guilt. She wanted him to know.
Jarod flinched from her fury. And his anger turned to bitter disappointment as he looked into her eyes, searching for some evidence of the woman he wanted her to be. Looking for the little girl that had given him his first kiss. He had since measured all other kisses by that kiss, and had found them all wanting. Now, tasting his own blood, he found nothing but coldness.
She finally let him go, pushing his head back so that it banged painfully against the back of the chair.
"Somebody put this rat back in it's cage." She dismissed Jarod contemptuously and calmly placed her gun back in it's holster. "We are done here."
Cox stood serenely, his hands folded behind his back. He was enjoying the show immensely. He nodded to Willie and Sam when he realised that Parker had finished.
Jarod looked at her now as if seeing her for the very first time. Finally he closed his eyes. Perhaps she had become the façade after all. Jarod had held on to the childhood ideal of her for so long, the only light in his otherwise dark life, that he had failed to recognize the reality. She was a product of The Centre and she had not survived this long on family ties alone. She had flourished and could hold her own against the best and worst of them. The little girl was long gone, despite his stubborn refusals. Had he been so desperate for any kind of affection, that he had manufactured some where none had really existed? As this knowledge crashed into him, it was like a great gust of wind had blown out the only candle remaining in the dark. The simple truth was that she didn't love him, and would never love him. The idealised love that he had carried throughout his entire life had finally been extinguished. That last tiny piece of him that clung to hope, broke and shattered. He did not have the strength to withstand any further degradations of the soul. And as his 'happily ever after' died, he finally realised that he belonged to them now, there was nothing in him left to fight with.
Willie and Sam approached Jarod cautiously. He might only be a shadow of the man he used to be, but he could still be dangerous. As they unstrapped him from his restraints, they were expecting a fight. They grabbed him tightly, but he staggered in their grips. Jarod had been strapped down for too long and he could not get his limbs to work. He hung helplessly in their grasp as they dragged him out the door. He did not look at her again.
Parker watched in numb misery as the sweepers grabbed Jarod. As they roughly hauled him towards the door, she was offered her first view of the devastation that had been wrought upon his back. Her anger evaporated immediately. Tears sprang to her eyes as she gauged the extent of that damage. Her hand flew to her mouth as she tried to suppress a silent scream when she saw the large capital L that had been carved into the midst of the wreckage, between his shoulder blades.
When Jarod had been removed, Lyle entered. He was ecstatic.
"Things could not have gone any better." He was practically dancing. "Splendid. Splendid."
"Yes, very well done Miss Parker. I must congratulate you. That was an impressive performance."
"Sis, you were wonderful, just wonderful."
Parker looked at him in horror.
"Ohh, you liked my handiwork? I have been dying to tell him about it" Lyle shot an amused look at Cox, "but I just can't seem to find the right time."
Parker shot them both a look of pure poison. She made a move towards the door, half expecting Lyle to stop her. But he was too busy with Cox and she slipped out. When Parker was out the door she ran to the bathroom and threw up. She sat there for a long time and cried until there were no more tears left.
"Oh Jarod, what have I done? I am so sorry."
The image of that L was burned into Parker's memory as surely as it was carved into Jarod's flesh. It had looked like it was still fairly fresh, dark purple bruising surrounding the immediate area. Parker closed her eyes against the revulsion of knowing that Jarod would carry Lyle's mark for the rest of his life.
Sam eventually found her and escorted her back to her office where Sydney was still waiting. After one look at her face, he did not need to ask how things had gone.
"Ohh Sydney, what have I done?"
Sydney quickly got up and eased her into her chair.
"Parker, what happened?" Alarm making his voice shrill.
But Parker slowly shook her head, tears coursing down her cheeks. How could she tell Sydney what had just happened? Shame burned through her at what she had said and done. How could she ever face Jarod again? How could she ever look in a mirror again?
Sydney held her in a clumsy embrace and rocked her gently back and forth. But as he was stroking her hair, he was thinking about Jarod.
After Parker left, Lyle and Cox made their way to the elevators. It was time to give the good news to Raines. Lyle could not hide his glee.
"Too bad Raines missed it." Lyle snickered.
"Yes, I guess someone forgot to invite him." Cox shot Lyle a knowing look.
When they got back to the cell, Jarod was thrown carelessly onto the floor. His limbs weren't working still, so he remained where he had fallen. He fell asleep almost instantly. And for the first time in many years, he was not plagued by dreams.
The Next Day Jarod's Cell
When Jarod finally awoke, he was stiff and sore from lying on the concrete for so long. But he felt well-rested and he wondered if this was the kind of sleep that other people took for granted. He noticed that his food was already there and he consumed it without tasting it. He would do the sim today. And as he admitted this to himself, he was surprised at the feeling of relief that swept through him. He had fought so hard and for so long, and for what? He was glad that it was finally over. Things would be easier now. All the pointless guilt, he had tried so hard, everyday, since he broke out to wipe the innocent blood from his hands. But nothing he could ever do would remove it, nothing would ever be enough. The endless search for answers that probably didn't exist, he was so tired of it all. The pain and suffering. Was it that much to ask just to get through one day without some new atrocity being inflicted upon him?
When he heard the lock disengage, he rose to his feet and moved forward when Sam beckoned him.
"What's it gonna be, the sim lab or a meeting with Mr Cox?"
"The sim lab" Jarod said in a small voice. He couldn't even work up enough emotion to hate himself for it.
"Good boy", Sam praised him as you would a small puppy.