Who Said Time Was On My Side?
Rating: G. m/m slash, language.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters but I can dream.
Summary: Angel and Xander catch up.
Notes: Because people asked so nicely here is the follow up to 'Falling Like The Shattered Past' and 'Close Me In The Dark; Let Me Disappear'. This is an AU fic therefore you need to know that Anya died in the fight with Glory, it was Dawn not Buffy that jumped off the platform, Tara isn't dead and there was no fight with The First. I'm sure you'll pick up on the other changes as the story goes on. There's a little bit of Buffy bashing.
Feedback: sweet_exile_uk@yahoo.co.uk
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Angel sat alone in his office it was late and the others had gone home. Conner was upstairs asleep. Three weeks had past since Wesley had left and every night was the same Angel sat there in the dark waiting for Wesley to come home. It was only Connor that stopped him from falling into despair, everyday he assured his son that Wesley would be home soon. It was such a good lie, a convincing lie that Angel half believed it himself, so he waited.
The phone next to him interrupted the silence quickly he snatched the handset. "Angel Investigations"
~Hi Angel we need to talk."~
"Xander?" Angel was shocked. He'd expected Willow to tell everyone and everyday he answered the phone hoping it wasn't Giles or Buffy on the other end giving him hell. But Xander calling him that he hadn't envisioned.
~Yeah it's me. Look Angel about Wesley. Willow told me what you did I understand but I don't think you really thought it through." ~
Angel fought down his anger he didn't need a lecture right now especially from Xander Harris. "You don't understand," he ground out. "He was dying Xander, slipping away before my eyes."
~"We understand Angel."~ The voice on the other end was sympathetic but Angel picked up on the underlying sadness. ~"More than most. We know about mortal lovers, how there's never enough time to say everything, do everything and all too soon there's no time at all."~
Angel was stunned this wasn't the Xander he'd known. Then again it had been a long time since he'd seen or even spoken Xander. Angel still pictured him as the awkward teenager who'd followed Buffy like a lovesick puppy. He couldn't marry that image with the soft voice on the phone.
"What made you so wise? How could you possibly know?"
~"You see a lot when no one's watching you. Nobody sees the person at the sidelines or even cares but we sideliners we see everything. Standing back from the spotlight gives you the chance the think."~
Angel could hear a muffled voice in the background too faint to make out. ~"I know you do and that's why I love you."~ Xander's tone was full of warmth. ~"Sorry for the interruption,"~ Xander was back. ~"I just wanted to let you know that Wesley is here, he's safe Buffy doesn't know but it won't be long until she finds out. Secrets in Sunnydale have a habit of coming out when you least want them to. We'll expect you soon."~
Angel had many questions that couldn't be answered over the phone so after quickly writing down the address Xander gave him he hung up.
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The next night Angel was in his car heading towards Sunnydale. He'd left Connor with Cordy and Groo and his ears were still buzzing from the talking to Cordelia had given him. He'd tried asking her about Xander but all she'd say was that he'd grown up and it was up to him to say more.
So full of curiosity about Xander and concern for Wesley Angel arrived in Sunnydale in half the time it normally would. Pulling up outside Xander's he was mildly impressed, the apartment block was much nicer than he would have given Xander credit for but than he'd been wrong about a lot of things lately.
Xander was in the corridor outside the apartment waiting for him. The past seven years hadn't changed him that much as far as Angel could see just given him time to grow into a man sure of his place.
"Xander, why meet out here? He does know I'm coming?"
"Yes he knows but before we go in there's other stuff you need know. There's a coffee place down the street that's still open, come on we have a lot to talk about."
Without waiting for an answer Xander was in the elevator so Angel followed him. Xander led Angel into a small coffee shop, motioning him to grab a table Xander approached the counter to order.
Angel waited until Xander was sitting before speaking. "What do we have to talk about?"
Xander sighed and instinctively wrapped his fingers round the steaming cup as if to steady himself. He looked the vampire straight in the eyes and started.
"Like I said on the phone Wesley is here but he didn't come to hide he wanted to fight Buffy."
"What! Why would he do that she'd kill him," Angel was horrified
Xander looked at him sadly, "that's exactly why. Wes feels betrayed and hurt and he'd just walked away from his Sire. His soul and his demon were at war, they still are but he's getting better. We're helping him."
Angel picked up on the use of the word 'we' again. "Who? Willow?"
"No, she and Tara are L.A. Me and Spike. We are the 'we'."
"You and Spike? Spike's helping Wesley? But why would he do that?" Angel didn't kept up to date with the movements of Drusilla's wayward Childe, Spike had always been too much of a headache and he'd always found it better to ignore him.
"Well that's another thing we have to talk about. After the death of Anya and Dawn things went from bad to worse. Giles left and went back to England, this you already know but what you don't know is that it was because of Buffy. She changed after Dawn became more distant. She always had a superiority complex comes with being the slayer I guess but this was different. She stopped listening to Giles went on patrol by herself; she cut herself off from everyone. Willow thought it was just a reaction to grief she had lost a lot that year what with Riley and then her mom. Willow was sure she would snap out of it eventually. It was two years before Willow gave up hope and moved to L.A. with Tara."
Angel listened in stunted silence he's known none of this. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"
"There's was nothing you could have done and you had your own stuff to deal with. If you'd come here Buffy would have killed you. She's become single minded in her slayer duties everything is so black and white for her now. She'll dust you without so much as a second thought."
This wasn't the Buffy Angel had known. "So that's it you just gave up on her? Some friend you turned out to be."
"I gave up the minute she threw me over a car and beat the shit out of me. I was in hospital for over a month. I lost Anya in the fight with Glory I thought I could talk to her make her see sense so I kept trying right up until that moment. My loss just couldn't compare, she always did have to be centre of the universe, her pain is always more deep and her opinion just that bit more valid. She gave up on us a lot sooner than we gave up on her."
Angel could see the hurt reflected in Xander's eyes, he'd always worn his heart on his sleeve and it had gotten him into trouble more than once but it was also his strength. He was loyal to the end and Angel saw how much it had hurt to lose Buffy's friendship. He was still finding it hard to picture Buffy the way Xander described it was a far cry from the woman he'd loved. He remembered a time when he thought the world revolved around her, he was troubled to think that the woman he'd known was gone.
"Spike's still here, he's not dust."
"That's because we stay out of her way. She doesn't come looking for us if we keep off her radar."
There was that word 'we' again. Angel was still curious as to what that 'we' entailed.
"Spike also left after the fight with Glory, he had promised Buffy to protect Dawn and he hadn't it wasn't his fault but he wouldn't hear of it. I guess he was looking for something to block out the pain so he travelled to Africa to see some demon to remove his chip but those wily demons can't be trusted and he got his soul instead."
"His soul? Spike has a soul? What were you doing keeping this from me?"
"Angel how long have you been out of Spike's life? When was the last time you even thought of phoning to see how he was doing? You lost the right to interfere a long time ago. I'm sorry Angel maybe we should have given you a heads up but with all the Connor stuff it never seemed like the right moment. But you should also know that Spike and I are together."
Angel wasn't entirely surprised he'd picked up on the frequent use of the word 'we'. "Buffy knows this?"
"Yeah kinda the other reason I was thrown over the car. Spike had confessed his love for Buffy during the whole Glory thing." Xander paused for Angel to comment but the vampire merely raised his eyebrows and indicated that Xander should continue.
"Except it wasn't really love just a vampire's obsession with the slayer, he couldn't kill her so he channelled all that anger into something else. When he came back with a soul, Buffy jumped on him. I suppose she thought she could find what she'd lost with you."
"Spike didn't want that." Angel guessed.
"Right," Xander nodded. "Spike came back confused and hurting. Being near the slayer didn't help much after all he's killed two of them. I took him in. I thought it for the best for all involved and the apartment was too empty. Even if I did fill it with a slightly insane souled vampire."
Angel winced remembering the gypsy curse and how lost and alone he'd felt after the restoration of his soul.
"You helped him?" Angel was suddenly grateful to Xander for his actions.
"I did. I lost count of the number of times I spent cradling him. I think I spent more nights on the sofa with Spike during those first months than in my bed. But it felt good to be doing something focusing my energy into helping Spike and slowly the pain of losing Anya lessened and Spike became my world. Don't get me wrong I still love her but he's just more. You have no idea how freaked I was at that little realisation." Xander grinned coaxing a similar smile from Angel.
"So what happened then?"
"It took a few months of dancing round each other to admit how we felt. I was so happy when Spike said he loved me and I was foolish to think that everyone would be happy for us but Buffy was still waiting for her Angel replacement. She didn't take the whole Spike and I as a couple scenario at all well. She said I was being disloyal to Anya and that I was only jealous of her. She accused me of stealing Spike from her. If Spike and Willow hadn't been there to stop her I would have died that night."
"Xander I'm so sorry."
Xander shook his head. "You didn't know, don't go all broody and frowny on me now. I think you know everything now. Just keep out of Buffy's way and you should be fine."
"What happened with Wesley?"
"Oh that. Well Willow called me after seeing you and we guessed that Wes would come here to confront Buffy, we just got to him first."
"How could you know that?"
"That's what Spike did. After coming back from Africa he went gunning after Buffy in a big way he thought if he could get her to dust him it would make amends for everything. We were right that's exactly what Wes wanted to do, he was hurt and confused and the easiest thing would be to end it."
Xander saw Angel's face twist into a mask of pain, "hey it's okay. Didn't happen like that, he's at home arguing with Spike over what to watch on BBC America."
"I know but I can't regret what I did."
"Like I said I understand. It hurts to think that I'm going to grow old and die. I know it cuts up Spike but he won't talk to me, keeps trying to brush the issue under the carpet. He won't turn me that we have talked about and agree it's a big no no but there's a spell that would bind us together but it needs Sire's blood and I can't imagine Drusilla would agree to that."
Angel was again surprised at this new grown up Xander. He was a long way from the teenager boy Angel had known but then again at the time he was adjusting to living again among humans and had fallen for Buffy that had eclipsed everything. Angel was beginning to think that he hadn't known Xander Harris at all, whatever the reason he was coming to like him.
"You know I could help, as Dru's Sire I could replace the need for her."
"You'd do that for us?"
"I'd be glad to help."
Xander's eyes glistened as he smiled and took Angel's hand. "Thank you. You have no idea how happy it would make me."
He squeezed Xander's hand gently, "I think I might," Angel said.
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Rating: G. m/m slash, language.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters but I can dream.
Summary: Angel and Xander catch up.
Notes: Because people asked so nicely here is the follow up to 'Falling Like The Shattered Past' and 'Close Me In The Dark; Let Me Disappear'. This is an AU fic therefore you need to know that Anya died in the fight with Glory, it was Dawn not Buffy that jumped off the platform, Tara isn't dead and there was no fight with The First. I'm sure you'll pick up on the other changes as the story goes on. There's a little bit of Buffy bashing.
Feedback: sweet_exile_uk@yahoo.co.uk
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Angel sat alone in his office it was late and the others had gone home. Conner was upstairs asleep. Three weeks had past since Wesley had left and every night was the same Angel sat there in the dark waiting for Wesley to come home. It was only Connor that stopped him from falling into despair, everyday he assured his son that Wesley would be home soon. It was such a good lie, a convincing lie that Angel half believed it himself, so he waited.
The phone next to him interrupted the silence quickly he snatched the handset. "Angel Investigations"
~Hi Angel we need to talk."~
"Xander?" Angel was shocked. He'd expected Willow to tell everyone and everyday he answered the phone hoping it wasn't Giles or Buffy on the other end giving him hell. But Xander calling him that he hadn't envisioned.
~Yeah it's me. Look Angel about Wesley. Willow told me what you did I understand but I don't think you really thought it through." ~
Angel fought down his anger he didn't need a lecture right now especially from Xander Harris. "You don't understand," he ground out. "He was dying Xander, slipping away before my eyes."
~"We understand Angel."~ The voice on the other end was sympathetic but Angel picked up on the underlying sadness. ~"More than most. We know about mortal lovers, how there's never enough time to say everything, do everything and all too soon there's no time at all."~
Angel was stunned this wasn't the Xander he'd known. Then again it had been a long time since he'd seen or even spoken Xander. Angel still pictured him as the awkward teenager who'd followed Buffy like a lovesick puppy. He couldn't marry that image with the soft voice on the phone.
"What made you so wise? How could you possibly know?"
~"You see a lot when no one's watching you. Nobody sees the person at the sidelines or even cares but we sideliners we see everything. Standing back from the spotlight gives you the chance the think."~
Angel could hear a muffled voice in the background too faint to make out. ~"I know you do and that's why I love you."~ Xander's tone was full of warmth. ~"Sorry for the interruption,"~ Xander was back. ~"I just wanted to let you know that Wesley is here, he's safe Buffy doesn't know but it won't be long until she finds out. Secrets in Sunnydale have a habit of coming out when you least want them to. We'll expect you soon."~
Angel had many questions that couldn't be answered over the phone so after quickly writing down the address Xander gave him he hung up.
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The next night Angel was in his car heading towards Sunnydale. He'd left Connor with Cordy and Groo and his ears were still buzzing from the talking to Cordelia had given him. He'd tried asking her about Xander but all she'd say was that he'd grown up and it was up to him to say more.
So full of curiosity about Xander and concern for Wesley Angel arrived in Sunnydale in half the time it normally would. Pulling up outside Xander's he was mildly impressed, the apartment block was much nicer than he would have given Xander credit for but than he'd been wrong about a lot of things lately.
Xander was in the corridor outside the apartment waiting for him. The past seven years hadn't changed him that much as far as Angel could see just given him time to grow into a man sure of his place.
"Xander, why meet out here? He does know I'm coming?"
"Yes he knows but before we go in there's other stuff you need know. There's a coffee place down the street that's still open, come on we have a lot to talk about."
Without waiting for an answer Xander was in the elevator so Angel followed him. Xander led Angel into a small coffee shop, motioning him to grab a table Xander approached the counter to order.
Angel waited until Xander was sitting before speaking. "What do we have to talk about?"
Xander sighed and instinctively wrapped his fingers round the steaming cup as if to steady himself. He looked the vampire straight in the eyes and started.
"Like I said on the phone Wesley is here but he didn't come to hide he wanted to fight Buffy."
"What! Why would he do that she'd kill him," Angel was horrified
Xander looked at him sadly, "that's exactly why. Wes feels betrayed and hurt and he'd just walked away from his Sire. His soul and his demon were at war, they still are but he's getting better. We're helping him."
Angel picked up on the use of the word 'we' again. "Who? Willow?"
"No, she and Tara are L.A. Me and Spike. We are the 'we'."
"You and Spike? Spike's helping Wesley? But why would he do that?" Angel didn't kept up to date with the movements of Drusilla's wayward Childe, Spike had always been too much of a headache and he'd always found it better to ignore him.
"Well that's another thing we have to talk about. After the death of Anya and Dawn things went from bad to worse. Giles left and went back to England, this you already know but what you don't know is that it was because of Buffy. She changed after Dawn became more distant. She always had a superiority complex comes with being the slayer I guess but this was different. She stopped listening to Giles went on patrol by herself; she cut herself off from everyone. Willow thought it was just a reaction to grief she had lost a lot that year what with Riley and then her mom. Willow was sure she would snap out of it eventually. It was two years before Willow gave up hope and moved to L.A. with Tara."
Angel listened in stunted silence he's known none of this. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"
"There's was nothing you could have done and you had your own stuff to deal with. If you'd come here Buffy would have killed you. She's become single minded in her slayer duties everything is so black and white for her now. She'll dust you without so much as a second thought."
This wasn't the Buffy Angel had known. "So that's it you just gave up on her? Some friend you turned out to be."
"I gave up the minute she threw me over a car and beat the shit out of me. I was in hospital for over a month. I lost Anya in the fight with Glory I thought I could talk to her make her see sense so I kept trying right up until that moment. My loss just couldn't compare, she always did have to be centre of the universe, her pain is always more deep and her opinion just that bit more valid. She gave up on us a lot sooner than we gave up on her."
Angel could see the hurt reflected in Xander's eyes, he'd always worn his heart on his sleeve and it had gotten him into trouble more than once but it was also his strength. He was loyal to the end and Angel saw how much it had hurt to lose Buffy's friendship. He was still finding it hard to picture Buffy the way Xander described it was a far cry from the woman he'd loved. He remembered a time when he thought the world revolved around her, he was troubled to think that the woman he'd known was gone.
"Spike's still here, he's not dust."
"That's because we stay out of her way. She doesn't come looking for us if we keep off her radar."
There was that word 'we' again. Angel was still curious as to what that 'we' entailed.
"Spike also left after the fight with Glory, he had promised Buffy to protect Dawn and he hadn't it wasn't his fault but he wouldn't hear of it. I guess he was looking for something to block out the pain so he travelled to Africa to see some demon to remove his chip but those wily demons can't be trusted and he got his soul instead."
"His soul? Spike has a soul? What were you doing keeping this from me?"
"Angel how long have you been out of Spike's life? When was the last time you even thought of phoning to see how he was doing? You lost the right to interfere a long time ago. I'm sorry Angel maybe we should have given you a heads up but with all the Connor stuff it never seemed like the right moment. But you should also know that Spike and I are together."
Angel wasn't entirely surprised he'd picked up on the frequent use of the word 'we'. "Buffy knows this?"
"Yeah kinda the other reason I was thrown over the car. Spike had confessed his love for Buffy during the whole Glory thing." Xander paused for Angel to comment but the vampire merely raised his eyebrows and indicated that Xander should continue.
"Except it wasn't really love just a vampire's obsession with the slayer, he couldn't kill her so he channelled all that anger into something else. When he came back with a soul, Buffy jumped on him. I suppose she thought she could find what she'd lost with you."
"Spike didn't want that." Angel guessed.
"Right," Xander nodded. "Spike came back confused and hurting. Being near the slayer didn't help much after all he's killed two of them. I took him in. I thought it for the best for all involved and the apartment was too empty. Even if I did fill it with a slightly insane souled vampire."
Angel winced remembering the gypsy curse and how lost and alone he'd felt after the restoration of his soul.
"You helped him?" Angel was suddenly grateful to Xander for his actions.
"I did. I lost count of the number of times I spent cradling him. I think I spent more nights on the sofa with Spike during those first months than in my bed. But it felt good to be doing something focusing my energy into helping Spike and slowly the pain of losing Anya lessened and Spike became my world. Don't get me wrong I still love her but he's just more. You have no idea how freaked I was at that little realisation." Xander grinned coaxing a similar smile from Angel.
"So what happened then?"
"It took a few months of dancing round each other to admit how we felt. I was so happy when Spike said he loved me and I was foolish to think that everyone would be happy for us but Buffy was still waiting for her Angel replacement. She didn't take the whole Spike and I as a couple scenario at all well. She said I was being disloyal to Anya and that I was only jealous of her. She accused me of stealing Spike from her. If Spike and Willow hadn't been there to stop her I would have died that night."
"Xander I'm so sorry."
Xander shook his head. "You didn't know, don't go all broody and frowny on me now. I think you know everything now. Just keep out of Buffy's way and you should be fine."
"What happened with Wesley?"
"Oh that. Well Willow called me after seeing you and we guessed that Wes would come here to confront Buffy, we just got to him first."
"How could you know that?"
"That's what Spike did. After coming back from Africa he went gunning after Buffy in a big way he thought if he could get her to dust him it would make amends for everything. We were right that's exactly what Wes wanted to do, he was hurt and confused and the easiest thing would be to end it."
Xander saw Angel's face twist into a mask of pain, "hey it's okay. Didn't happen like that, he's at home arguing with Spike over what to watch on BBC America."
"I know but I can't regret what I did."
"Like I said I understand. It hurts to think that I'm going to grow old and die. I know it cuts up Spike but he won't talk to me, keeps trying to brush the issue under the carpet. He won't turn me that we have talked about and agree it's a big no no but there's a spell that would bind us together but it needs Sire's blood and I can't imagine Drusilla would agree to that."
Angel was again surprised at this new grown up Xander. He was a long way from the teenager boy Angel had known but then again at the time he was adjusting to living again among humans and had fallen for Buffy that had eclipsed everything. Angel was beginning to think that he hadn't known Xander Harris at all, whatever the reason he was coming to like him.
"You know I could help, as Dru's Sire I could replace the need for her."
"You'd do that for us?"
"I'd be glad to help."
Xander's eyes glistened as he smiled and took Angel's hand. "Thank you. You have no idea how happy it would make me."
He squeezed Xander's hand gently, "I think I might," Angel said.
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