"Here is where I leave you." Sesshomaru said emotionlessly... Almost.
"N-nani- why?" Kagome said, looking at him. Afraid maybe she had driven him to making her walk the rest of the way because she was such an annoyance.
"You will find your group ten minutes straight ahead." Was all he said before he turned and started to leave.
"Demo- matte." Kagome said softly and dashed up to him and took his hand lightly, "Domo arigatou." She said looking down with a sheepish blush, withdrawing her hand immediately from the feather soft touch.
He looked down at her and she backed up a few steps.
"I- I think I misjudged you Sesshomaru-sama!" She smiled with an almost friendy twinkle in her toffee eyes before spinning and sprinting towards the direction he had informed her would lead her back to Inuyasha and the others.
He watched her depart and an unreadable expression crossed his face.
"I may have misjudged you also, human- Kagome." He said, with only the slightest hint of a companionable fondness behind his otherwise monotone voice.
*
"You guys!" Kagome cried as she burst through the trees happily, sprinting over to join them, as they stopped and glanced curiously back at her.
Inuyasha stood stock still and didn't utter a word. Kagome almost stopped too, had it not been for the smile that suddenly graced both Miroku's and Sango's face, driving her to run and embrace them both.
"Kagome-chan!" cried Sango.
"Kagome-san!" cried Miroku,
and "Kagome-chan!" cried Shippo.
Inuyasha still remained silent.
"Konnichiwa minna!" Kagome said energetically.
"Where did you go? We though you would come back from the well a day ago- l-like always, because you don't have tests or anything.... and you weren't here and Inuyasha went- went to your time and you weren't there and we were worried!" Shippo sobbed.
"It's ok Shippo-chan, I just had this crazy whim and I went to take care of it. Don't worry about it much, I would always come back!" Kagome assured him, but cast a weary eye to Inuyasha, who still had not looked her in the eye yet.
Shippo nodded and smiled, "Well, then, if you're okay, then Inuyasha probably wants to search for the jewel shards again." Shippo said happily, forgetting his earlier nervousness.
"Hai." Kagome said softly, happy to be back with her friends, but for some reason, she found herself yearning for Sesshomaru's beautiful, simple home that night, while they slept on the favorite; cold, hard, wet forest floor during a rainstorm, with no caves in sight and only a thin canopy of trees over their heads for shelter.
As Kagome reflected in the early evening, with a shivering Shippo under her arm, 'You spend a regular day ignoring it, and it gives you happiness and goodness and cheer and good weather. Then you spend a day praising it for treating you so well, and ife slaps you in the face for the thought. Talk about hard to get.'
That was before Inuyasha stepped up beside her form with a look like murder on his face, and told agome without words that he wanted to talk now that everyone but them were asleep.
Kagome almost wished she had gone to bed early.
She got up careful not to wake Shippo, and crept away with Inuyasha, blanket wrapped tightly about her grudgingly as she shivered desperate for warmth.
"Where. Did. You. Go." Inuyasha asked harshly as soon as she was yanked into a clearing a good distance from camp, where the rain slapped at the slight river beside them, as the river slapped at the annoying raindrops.
Silence was broken only by the countless little splashes of raindrops, thunder, and her breathing and heartbeat.... Altogether, it was deafening.
Why hadn't she fallen asleep early anyway?
"I- I" She started.
"Don't lie to me Kagome." Inuyasha demanded icily.
"I had to save Rin- I HAD to Inuyasha. You don't understand. You wouldn't." Kagome whispered. Maybe the surrounding noise would drown out her ice breaking answer. But she knew it was too good to be true.
"You went to Sesshomaru." Inuyasha said, eyes and voice growing colder by the second.
"I had to save Rin." Kagome said again.
"From what, Kagome?!" He demanded, his glare alone making her wince.
"In our battle... Rin could have- could have left forever... lived in a fake world... The ghosts frightened her- from the deserted village." Kagome knew her answer did not make sense. Maybe he ouldn't ask any questions and they would just head back to camp and forget it all. Thunder seemed to shake the earth itself, from the core.
"Did it take that long?" Inuyasha said, voice growing bitter with hate.
"No... But Sesshomaru-sama-" She stopped automatically.
His eyes. They stared at her and lightening flashed behind him, fire burned in his eyes.
He turned and walked away from her, didn't look back.
She burst into heart wrenching sobs and collapsed onto her knees, almost unnaware of the mud that splashed about her, obscuring her vision, she felt so numb...
/I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless
Lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure
Of walking in your shoes/
The night was so cold, she couldn't feel anything it seemed.
Like her dream...
'You don't love him, but you want his affection... More then anything...." started in Naraku's voice, like the dream, turning into her own voice, echoed in her head.
She sobbed perhaps louder but the thunder swallowed the sound with ease.
"Inuyasha! I only wanted you to see me as me! I wanted to be your friend!" She wailed desperately into the hopelessly frightening night.
/Every step that I take is another mistake to you
I've become so numb!
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you!/
She curled up on the ground, tears rolled down her face as thunder crashed and rain fell harder.
An image of Sesshomaru came into her mind then.
"Why didn't you kill me?! Why do I think of you for comfort and not Inuyasha? Tell me why!" She screamed, hysterics making her dillusional and slightly crazy.
She felt herself suddenly being lifted into a strong, protective warmth, and she cried as she grasped onto it with all her might.
It was like heaven, she was being enveloped into softness, soft warmth that ceased her shivering, but she kept on sobbing.
/Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly
Afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you/
She tried to open her eyes, but she felt heavy with sorrow, she felt absolutely miserable, like the world would never know love again. She had ruined everything. She could now imagine the day they collected the last jewel shard, she could imagine Inuyasha narrow his eyes betrayed as he turned and strode away amongst the villagers and Kaede and Sango and Miroku and Shippo... could see his dissaproving glare even as she dissapeared forever into the old well between their worlds...
No hope of living there, though the others might like it, and she could visit her family, and Kaede would take her in and train her, she could never bear to look into Inuyasha's face again... Never.
/Every step that I take is another mistake to you
And every second I waste is more than I can take
I've become so numb!
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you/
Wind rushed into her face, but just as quickly it was gone.
She was being shielded by something...
Was she flying?
Was she dead?
Was she going to heaven?
Was she going to... hell?
The thunder was so much louder up here...
Maybe when she got into the actual place she was going to... it would be quieter... She could mourn for all eternity in peace...
But.... Sesshomaru.... What about him and Rin?
What about her family?
What about Shippo and Sango and Kirara and Miroku?
Would they miss her?
What good did it do anyway.
She was a horrid person, she did not deserve to live anyhow...
/And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me
With someone dissapointed in you/
Kagome fell into unconciousness with millions upon millions of questions surging through her head.
She was barely aware of the lightening flashing before her eyes, as she dreamed again..
Dreamed of summer...
Dreamed of dancing through a garden...
There was a great gate in the distance, laughter rung about her... faintly...
Soft springy rain, dancing energetically to the ground...
She was standing.... On a balcony?
And Rin was talking to her... Standng beside her...
Arms around her waist...
Soft, silky... Something... She tried to look...
Who was it?
/I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Tired of being what you want me to be...
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
So tired of being what you want me to be.../
... Sesshomaru...