Mousetrap
By Clay
Chapter Five: Drunken Fowl
PAIRINGS: Mainly Harry/Draco and Ron/Hermione, but there are some other random pairings thrown in for fun
RATING/WARNINGS: PG/slight spoilers for all books
SUMMARY: An incident in potions causes Hermione to begin acting strangely. Soon everyone in Harry's world is affected... and he's next. We've got Hermione skipping class, Snape skinny dipping, and much, much more. (romance/humor)




"Severus…" Pansy whined, stroking one manicured fingertip down the length of his torso. "I'm bored. Can't we go back to school now?"

Snape groaned and pulled a handkerchief from his jacket pocket. "I told you: I'm not in the mood."

Pansy pouted. "You know," she pointed out as Snape went into another sneezing fit, "if you hadn't decided to go skinny dipping in the middle of October, we'd be in your room right now fucking like bunnies."

Snape coughed and wiped his nose. "Language, Miss Parkinson."

"Oh! Snapey-poo, call me Pansy."

Snape snorted. If he had known what a clingy little brat the girl was, he's never have propositioned her in the first place. While all he really wanted form her was a quick shag, she immediately assumed they were a couple.

"I'll call you whatever I like."

Pansy frowned. "You're so mean."

"And you're a little slut, but you don't see me whining."

Pansy growled, hopping off her bar stool and scooping up her purse. "I don't have to take this! Owl me when you get a heart."

He watched as she strolled off and started to laugh, ending up keeled over the bar in a bout of coughing. Minutes passed and Snape ordered another shot of whiskey. With the little prat gone, he could finally enjoy a drink. He'd be nice and toasty in no time.

However, no sooner had he ordered his third shot than a familiar figure filled Pansy's seat. Snape let out an audible groan and downed the drink. "Remus."

Smiling like the Cheshire cat, Lupin nodded. "Severus. Fancy meeting you here."

"Don't you have cats to chase or something?"

Lupin shook his head, still smiling. "Funny. Actually I'm here on Dumbledore's orders."

Snape stiffened. The little whore had told! Well, they'd never take her word over his. "Oh?" He signaled the bartender, not daring to meet Lupin's eyes.

"Yes. He needs to talk to you about that potion you forced on Hermione Granger."

Snape almost laughed. "Is that all?"

"This is serious, Severus. Do you know what potion that was?"

"Of course. It was a loss of inhibitions potion."

"That's not a potion you should be giving to children."

Snape shrugged. "She had a choice. If you ask me, I was being far too lenient under the circumstances. Besides, the girl needed to lighten up."

Lupin was shaking his head, "I must admit that I am not fully aware of the situation, but this… problem is spreading throughout Hogwarts like wild fire. It needs to be stopped and you might be the only one capable of doing so."

"I can't."

"What?" Lupin stared at him, alarmed.

"Can't find the counter-potion."

"Oh, is that all." Lupin smiled. "Neville Longbottom discovered it."

"That imbecile?" Snape snorted. "Will wonders nev—ah achoo!" He swabbed at his nose with the handkerchief. "Stupid cold."

- Lupin stood. "Come on. We'll have Madam Pomfrey take a look at you." He placed a hand on Snape's shoulder, but was shrugged off.

"Can't be bothered with that."

"Oh yes you can. Severus Snape, by order of Albus Dumbledore, I hereby place you under house arrest. You are to be confined to your rooms for twenty four hours or until it can be ascertained that your bloodstream is clear of any and all toxins, including, but not limited to the aforementioned Loss of Inhibitions potion."

"I see." Snape stood and faced Lupin. "Very well, but…" And now a smile graced his thin lips. "You'll have to catch me first!" And with that, he dashed toward the door.



Snape growled as Lupin shoved him into his bedroom no more than an hour later. He watched the door slide shut behind him, listening as the other man began the spell to lock it. Breathing hard, he fought the coughs that racked his body.

"Stupid cold."



It was nearing nine o'clock that night and all students had returned from Hogsmead. Harry, Draco, Ron, and Hermione were seated before the fireplace in the Griffindor common room, all four ignorant of the dirty looks thrown Draco's way.

"So then," Ron was saying, one arm thrown around Hermione's shoulder, the other motioning frantically, "the mother shrieked and clawed at Bill, but he was too fast for her. He dodged her and ran."

Draco scoffed. His head lay on Harry's lap, legs dangling over the arm of the couch. "He ran? I thought this guy was supposed to be brave."

"He is!" Ron shouted.

"Remember he was trying to lure her away from the eggs," Hermione pointed out, and Ron gave her a smile.

"Anyway, he lead her into the trees where the other wizards had set up a trap. He stopped in a clearing, the mother only maybe twenty feet away. They stared at each other, Bill facing imminent death. The dragon opened her mouth, fire boiling in her belly, when suddenly twenty wizards and witches leapt from the cover of the trees and all at once they hit her with a stupefying spell! They relocated them all safely without a single muggle seeing them."

Harry grinned. "Bill has such a cool job. I want to do something like that."

Draco had tilted his head to the side and was watching Ron with a smile. "I guess your family's not that bad, Weasel."

"Draco!" Harry hissed, but Ron was smiling, too.

"You're not so bad yourself, Ferret."

Both boys cracked up, and after an exasperated look from Hermione to Harry, they joined in the laughter as well.

"Hey guys," a breathless Seamus skidded to a halt before them. "Have any of you seen – Draco!?"

"Why yes," Ron smirked. "He's right here in Harry's crotch."

The four burst into giggles again, but Seamus was too dumbfounded to notice. "No, I mean, yes, I see that, but why is he here?"

"We're just hanging out. There's no law against that, is there?" Harry met Seamus' gaze head on, one hand stroking Draco's hair defensively.

"No… I guess not, but… okay."

Hermione sighed. "Did you need something, Seamus?"

"Oh, right! Has anyone seen Neville? I've been looking for him for hours."

"No…" Hermione looked to Ron and then back at Seamus. "We've all been in Hogsmead. Nothing's wrong, is it?"

"We know where Neville is."

All five looked over to where Parvati Patil was seated next to Lavender Brown, an open textbook on the floor before them. Both girls shared a knowing smile and then Parvati said, "He left with Ginny about two hours ago."

"Ginny?" Ron and Seamus shouted.

"Yeah…" Lavender snickered, "they went up to the astronomy tower."

"I'll kill him!" Ron sprang off the sofa just as Seamus sat down.

"What is it?" Hermione turned to Seamus, studying the boy's forlorn face with concern.

"Isn't it obvious?" Draco was now sitting upright. "He's got a crush on Longbottom."

"I'll crush Longbottom," Ron gritted out, fists clenched. He was halfway to the portrait hole when it swung open and a very serious McGonagall stepped inside. Before she even opened her mouth to speak, however, Dumbledore's magically enhanced voice rang through the room.

"All students are to return to their dormitories immediately. It is imperative that all students assemble in their common rooms where their head of house will inform them of the current situation."

A low murmur spread through the room as fear bubbled up from every corner.

McGonagall cleared her throat, "Quiet down, children!"

"It's not an attack, is it?" Lavender cried.

McGonagall sighed, "No, it is not an attack. Quiet down and I will explain." She waited, rather impatiently for silence and then said, "Thursday morning a potion was administered to a student and it is affecting her behavior as well as many who have come in contact with her. These students need to be quarantined until an antidote is made available."

An all-together different murmur started up and McGonagall remained quiet, eyes darting about in stony silence until it subsided. She pulled a rolled bit of parchment from her robes and read, "Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasely, Harry Potter, Neville Longbottom—"

"Neville's not here." Seamus interrupted miserably.

"Um… yes, I am." A flushed and rather frazzled Neville stepped through the portrait hole, Ginny in tow.

McGonagall eyed him sternly and continued, "Seamus Finnigan, and now I suppose I'll have to add Ginny Weasely. You are all to come with me."

"Professor?" Harry stood and motioned to Draco. "Draco didn't have a chance to return to his common room. Should he come, too?"

McGonagall's eyebrows rose and she scanned the parchment again. "Yes, he's affected as well. Now come along."



"So, this is that infected thing you were going on about last night, right?"

Fifteen people were crowded in Dumbledore's office. Along with the seven from Griffindor tower, there was Pansy Parkinson, Cho Change, Marietta Edgecombe, and Michael Corner. Each head of house, excluding Snape, was there as well, and Dumbledore made fifteen.

Harry turned to Draco, "Yeah, I think so. I completely forgot about that."

"I'm not surprised, Mr. Potter." All eyes looked up to see Dumbledore watching Harry, a smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eye. "Mousetrap is a very compelling potion. I've had a run in or two with it myself. Unfortunately," and now he stood, clasping his hands behind his back, voice turning serious, "it is time to put an end to it. By tomorrow night Professor Snape will be well enough to concoct an antidote for us. Until then, I'm afraid you will all need to remain under quarantine. A set of rooms has been prepared in the dungeons. But before you go, I must ask one last time: are you all positive that you haven't…"

Draco raised an eyebrow. "You want to know if we've been swapping spit with anyone else?"

McGonagall and Sprout gave him a warning look, but Dumbledore just smiled.

"I couldn't have put it better myself, Mr. Malfoy."

After it was ascertained that no one else was infected, the children were escorted to the dungeons.

The room presented to them was small, but well furnished. It currently contained two large couches and several comfortable chairs, but they were informed that a table would replace these during meal times. The far wall housed the doors to two bedrooms – one for the boys and one for the girls, each with its own bathroom.

McGonagall motioned for the students to sit and then addressed them. "Under the circumstances, I'd understand if you're all a little excited, however, I urge you all to get some sleep. Tomorrow morning the house elves will have brought you all a change of clothes and your books. Now goodnight." She headed for the exit and then paused, sweeping the room with a stern look. "And do try and behave yourselves."

The moment the door closed, Ron was on his feet. "I'll kill you, Longbottom!"

"Ron, stop it!" Hermione jumped up.

"No, let's go." Neville had stood as well and was crossing the room to face Ron. "I can take care of myself, Hermione."

"All right then." Ron pulled out his wand, quickly followed by Neville. The boys circled each other, each one eyeing the other up.

"Ooh, a fight!" Pansy giggled.

Draco leaned back in his chair, and amused grin on his lips. "This should be interesting."

"No!" Harry jumped to his feet. "No fighting!" He quickly strode over to where Ron and Neville stood glaring at each other. He forced his way between them, pulling out his own wand. "Sit down, both of you."

"No way, Harry." Ron shoved him aside, though never taking his eyes off Neville. He raised his wand and opened his mouth.

"Ron! Stop it!" Ginny had thrown herself in front of Neville. She glared daggers at her brother, blatantly ignoring the wand pointed straight at her heart.

Through clenched teeth Ron whispered, "Move, Ginny."

Ginny sighed. "You're a bloody stupid git, you know that?" At Ron's dumbfounded expression she smirked. "You're so busy defending my honor that you didn't stop to think that I'm perfectly capable of doing myself. And besides," she added, "nothing happened."

"But…" Ron shook his head.

"Nothing happened?" Seamus perked up.

Even Hermione was lost. "But Lavender said you two had gone to the astronomy tower."

"She what?" Neville exclaimed at the same time that Ginny shouted, "We did not!"

"You mean you weren't off snogging?" Seamus asked hopefully.

Ginny spun on him, "Of course not! Why would we do that?"

"But…" Harry turned to Neville with a quizzical look, "I thought you were infected."

Neville nodded, blushing, but a stuttering Ron still wasn't convinced. "But… but you two went to the Yule Ball together…"

"Yeah, like two years ago." Ginny turned back to Ron, now on the verge of laughter. "Besides, that's the night Neville told me he was gay."

"Ginny!" A wide eyed Neville screamed and then blushed even harder, looking for all the world as if he wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

"You're gay!?" Seamus had flung himself at Neville and was currently bouncing excitedly, both hands clutching his shoulders hard enough to bruise.

"Wait," Harry shook his head, "This is so confusing. If you weren't in the astronomy tower, then what WERE you doing all afternoon?"

"And why did you show up to the common room all sweaty and out of breath?" Hermione put in.

"Because," Ginny smirked at her, "we had just run all the way from the library."

"The library?" Ron fell back into his seat. "You can't make out in the library."

Hermione shook her head and wrapped a patronizing arm around her boyfriend.

"Exactly." Ginny laughed and threw a quick look at Neville before continuing, "Neville told me all about the potion and what was going on. Since he had been affected as well, I was there to keep him on track while he tried to finish his essay. Unfortunately," And now she turned to face Neville straight on, giddily ignoring his horrified look and the unspoken pleas hidden in his eyes, "he was too busy going on about what a fabulous kisser Seamus is."

"You do like me!" Seamus squealed and jumped on Neville, throwing them both to the ground. Heads craned to see Seamus attacking Neville's mouth with vigor, and Neville… well, Neville really didn't seem to mind.

"Too much Griffindor drama for my tastes."

The entire room turned to see Cho Chang lifting herself from a couch, flanked on either side by both Marietta and Michael. "Come on, guys," she said, eyes locked on Harry, "let's go make use of those bedrooms."

"Yes, let's." Michael leaned in to nuzzle Cho's neck and making it all too clear that they weren't talking about sleeping. That didn't prepare them for what happened next, however.

Cho smiled at Michael and then turned to Marietta and caught her lips in a very sound kiss.

Marietta smiled as they parted. "That's a great idea." She threw Harry a withering look, and the three left hand in hand for what was meant to be the girls' room.

Draco was the first to break the silence. "Damn. She's almost as much of a slut as you, Pansy."

To be concluded...



Author's Notes:

It obviously wasn't supposed to take me this long to get this chapter out, but things happen. I've been gone for the most of the past two weeks visiting friends and having interesting adventures of my own. ^_~ But here's the next chapter. The last chapter is coming soon. And if all goes well, it won't take me a month to bring it out.

Pertaining to the actual chapter: I'm sure it's pretty obvious that I'm not fond of Cho Chang. Of course I don't feel that she's anything like the way I portray her, but this whole story is about truth and surprises and I just had to do something with her and her posse. Speaking of surprises, even though the story is coming to an end, it doesn't mean I don't have a trick or two up my sleeve still, so stay tuned.

01/19/04