A/N: Here it is, the ending of the Swapping Souls. Please enjoy!
Swapping Souls
Chapter 9
"Are ya ready?" Selphie asked Squall excitedly. Both were standing outside of the Garden wearing jogging suits. Squall looked up from doing his leg stretches and nodded. "I can't believe Cid wants all SeeDs to participate this year! He's out to kill me! I know it!"
"It's not that bad…" he said slowly.
"Oh, suuuure, Mr. I've-won-this-marathon-every-year-since-I-became-a-SeeD-pants!"
He shrugged and continued to stretch.
"I'm going to die!" Selphie continued. "I hate running!"
"You'll be fine as long as you keep a steady pace."
"A steady pace? Hah! Then I'll just walk."
Squall rolled his eyes, "Whatever."
"How far do we have to run exactly?"
Squall blew a few strands of brown hair away from his eyes and thought for a moment. "About eight miles."
"Eight miles!!?"
"Yeah, from Garden to the dock in Balamb. Once you get a runner's high you won't notice the pain."
"Pain?" Selphie's face turned white. "I'm going to talk with Cid and see if I can do a make-up assignment in replacement for this."
"No point in even trying…" someone grumbled from behind. Laguna came into view. He had pulled Quistis' hair into a ponytail and was wearing jogging shorts and a sweatshirt. "I already tried."
"That's no fair!!"
"Hey, Leonhart!" Seifer yelled across the mass of SeeDs. "Ready for me to kick your ass?"
"Hey! Seifer! Where's Rinoa!!?" Selphie asked him.
"She's not competing."
"Why not?"
"She's not a SeeD, she's not required to."
"That's so unfair! What is she going to be doing all day then?"
"Watch the marathon and cheer us on from afar, or so she says," he shrugged.
Xu approached them, looking quite refreshed. "How much sleep did you guys get last night?"
"Not enough," Squall mumbled.
"I went to bed as soon as I got back to my dorm!"
"That's great, why don't you rub it into our faces, Xu."
Zell was the next to arrive, followed closely by Nida. "Sup everyone?" the martial artist asked.
"Nida? What the hell are you wearing?" Seifer asked him.
"Oh? This?" Nida asked, pointing to his fanny pack. "This is my survival kit, complete with tissues, chapstick, lotion for dry skin and pain killers," the pilot beamed.
"That's….nice….Nida," Laguna said slowly, smiling nonetheless.
Suddenly, all the SeeDs began 'shhing' each other. Seifer looked up and announced, "Cid's talking." Everyone was quiet.
"Thanks everyone for participating!" he smiled.
"We didn't have much of a choice did we?" Selphie whined.
"As most of you know, this marathon is a fund raiser for medical research in Esthar. So, run like you've never run before!"
Then, he pulled a gun from his pocket and looked down at a stopwatch. "Now, everyone, on your marks." All of the SeeDs did some last minute stretching and readied themselves for the start of the marathon. "Get set…GO!" He shot the pistol off into the air and they were off!
Selphie didn't run, though she didn't walk either. Instead she decided on skipping.
"What are you doing?" Squall asked, while keeping up his steady jogging pace.
"Skipping! It's fast and conserves energy!"
The mass of military students was so thick that the normal person couldn't see who was where. It wasn't until the race had been going on for a while and they dispersed that one could see anything.
Seifer was in the middle somewhere, and hating every minute of it. Wanting to beat Squall no matter what (even though he was already in front of him) he decided to take a shortcut. Pretending to be out of breath, he stopped running and let a huge group of people pass him. After they passed, he looked around to make sure no one else was paying attention and ran down a different road.
Laguna all this time, was barely dragging himself down the road. "I can't do it!" he cried. "This isn't fair!"
"Quisty…don't…be sucha…baby," Zell panted. "You participate in this gay-ass thing every year and always finish in the top five."
"But I hate running."
"Very few people actually enjoy it."
"I do!" Xu puffed from behind.
"Yeah, but you're a freak of nature," Zell joked. Xu merely shrugged and passed the two blondes as they struggled.
"How long do you think we've ran?" Laguna asked Zell.
"I'd say a mile."
"So, only seven left?" This wasn't fair! Laguna started feeling faint. There was no way in Heaven or Hell he would be able to finish before dying.
"Are we there yet?" he asked about five minutes later. Zell shook his head.
"Nope."
"Now are we there?"
"No."
"Now?"
"No."
"Are we there yet?"
"NO!"
Meanwhile, all they way back in the back, Selphie was struggling along, and because she was so slow, she was dragging Squall back with her. By this point, Squall was carrying her piggyback and the hyperactive SeeD was banging on his back, screaming, "Faster! Faster!"
"You know, I'd be up in the front if you didn't insist on skipping the entire way…" he grumbled.
"But if we hadn't skipped we wouldn't have seen that poor squirrel that didn't quite make it across the road in time," she declared.
"To tell you the truth, that was disgusting, I would have rather not seen it."
"Besides," she started again, "We aren't that far behind."
"Are you kidding!!? Laguna is in front of us!"
"…No he isn't…" she said sarcastically.
Several feet ahead, Laguna continued to bother Zell with his repetitive, "Are we there yet?"
Seifer in the meantime, had really found a shortcut, and was well on his way to Balamb, putting him in first place by a short distance. Xu and Nida were making up the front of the mob of SeeDs.
"How…much…longer?" Laguna panted again, looking back at Zell. "Are…we…there-"
"No, we aren't there! And I don't know when we will get there!"
"Jeez, temperamental aren't we?"
"No I'm not temperamental! I'm aggravated!"
"….Difference?"
"Shut up, Quisty, just shut up…" Zell sighed agitatedly.
*Rise n' Shine*
Almost afraid to go downstairs after the previous night, Quistis descended the staircase to the kitchen where Kiros and Ward sat, reading the morning paper. The first thing that she noticed was that they weren't nearly as hyper as they normally were. It must be because the Bun Squeezing Contest is over, Quistis theorized.
"Morning, Laguna."
"G'morning," she said, sitting down at the table and picking up some toast. "I need a ride into Balamb."
"Yes, your spontaneous vacation…I got it," Kiros nodded, still looking in the Sports section of the Daily Estharian Press.
"No! For your information I'm going to Balamb Garden to discuss a very important situation with the top Instructor."
"That's nice, Laguna. I already called in your train tickets."
"Really?" Wow, he's really ahead of the game.
"Yes, all you need to do is pack and be at the train station by three o'clock."
"…."
"Thanks you two!" she exclaimed, almost hugging the two but keeping what little dignity she had left, she instead ran up the stairs to her room to start packing.
Since she had gotten to the Palace she had changed a lot of things. Oh, wouldn't Laguna have fun when he came back to see how she redecorated his room.
White. Everything was white. Not to mention she bought several desk organizers and filing cabinets and arranged all of his paperwork nicely into each. She could just imagine his response. "What did you do? I had everything in a very specific order! New on top, old on bottom!"
Balamb, here she comes!
*Finish Line*
Huffing and puffing, Seifer came out of his shortcut and joined the main crowd. Much to his delight, he was in front, and he wasn't that far from the finish line either. It was a good thing too, he thought that if he ran any longer then his legs might fall off.
Giving it all he had, he began to run even faster toward the finish line, and he ran faster still when he heard someone scream, "SEIFER!!" He recognized the voice to be Nida's and he saw the pilot coming at him, arms outstretched.
"Shit!" he screamed, and ran double-time.
From behind Nida, Xu had apparently caught sight of the pilot and did the same (with a shout of "Nida!") to him.
Seifer passed the finish line in first, with Nida following, and Xu in third right behind Nida.
"Oh, Seifer! Congratulations!" Nida beamed, embracing him.
"Get off me!" Seifer panicked trying to struggle out of the brunette's grasp, when he heard snoring. Apparently Nida's narcolepsy caught the better of him and he was sleeping. Once Seifer broke lose, the next thing he saw hurtling at him was Xu, only she wasn't really running after him. She glomped the sleeping Nida into the pavement with a sickening THUD.
Seifer couldn't help but cringe, yet he didn't care too much. He walked off to a bench and sat down, immediately media was crowding around him interviewing him.
"I can't do this anymore, Quisty. I think I'm going to just forfeit."
"You can't forfeit this…" Laguna said, though he wished he could forfeit as well.
Suddenly Zell stopped running, causing Laguna to slam into his back and fall on his butt in the middle of the road. "What did you stop running for?"
"I smell…" the blond started sniffing the air like some sort of dog… "I smell hotdogs. And…sauerkraut…with mustard and pickles…"
Zell's keen eyes began to scan the terrain, "There's a hotdog vendor somewhere, I know it! I can smell him!"
"Oh wow, that's creepy," Laguna said, wide-eyed. (Like in the movies!)
Finally Zell found the hotdog cart and it was just beyond the finish line. "They will be MINE!" he declared, running after it so fast that Laguna immediately wondered what happened to him being tired in the first place.
"I have no one to talk to now…I can't believe this…I hate not talking to people, then I have to talk to myself…"
"We'll talk to you, Ms. Trepe!" several male voices said at once. Laguna didn't need to turn around to know who said it. It was the Trepies and that was motivation enough for him to take off faster than he thought he was capable of running.
"Wait up, Ms. Trepe! We want to talk to you!!!" They called, running after their idol.
Selphie's weight on Squall's back was not making anything easier for the Commander who was sure that there was no way the two could possibly catch up to the rest of the SeeDs.
"Poor squirrel," Selphie muttered, "All alone on the side of the road. No family…no nothing." She thought silently for a few moments then got an idea and slapped Squall on the back.
"Ouch!" he yelled, "What was that for?"
"Turn around! We need to give him a proper burial."
"What? No way, we're already far enough behind everyone else…"
"Then what's the point with trying to catch up?"
"No, Selphie, no!"
"Fine, then." She jumped off of Squall's back and began running in the opposite direction.
"What? Selphie! Come back here!"
"Mr. Twinkletoes, you shall be avenged!" she screamed.
Squall caught up with Selphie quickly, picked her up and carried her under his arm. Then with all his might, ran to catch up with the last of the SeeDs crossing the finish line.
"Wow, Squall, you sure are late. Out of shape?" Zell asked through a mouthful of hotdog.
"No, Selphie was trying to correct all wrongs in this world by trying to give road kill a proper burial."
Zell scrunched up his nose and looked at his hotdog, suddenly he wasn't feeling so hungry anymore.
"Oh well, at least the race is over!" Selphie beamed. "That was tough work, eh Squally Wally?"
"Tough work my ass, I carried you for ninety percent of the marathon!"
"…Point?"
Squall rolled his eyes and took off his sweaty shirt. "Let's go get something to drink, and Zell you come too. We need to talk to you."
* 'The Machine'*
"No prob, Squall! They call me 'The Machine' when it comes to mechanics!" Zell smiled broadly.
Squall grimaced. He remembered when Zell used this same line in the Deep Sea Deposit, and it didn't lead to the best circumstances. "So, where's this machine that needs to be fixed?"
"On the Ragnarok," Squall sighed.
"The Ragnarok!? That's back at Garden."
Everyone groaned at the thought of running or walking for that matter, back to Garden from where they were.
"Does anyone have money for a cab?" Selphie asked.
Both boys shook their head. "We could always hitchhike!" Zell offered.
"No way," Squall said. "Let's just find a phone and have Rinoa come pick us up with the Ragnarok."
"Oki doki!" Selphie said, jabbing a fist into the air. "And in the meantime I'll look for Laguna and Quistis! She's supposed to be on the next train to Balamb!"
"Okay, see ya!" Zell yelled and Squall waved goodbye.
Selphie ran to the train station, picking Laguna up on the way (he had been recovering from the marathon on a bench). The two stood in waiting until at last Quistis stepped off of the train, looking tired and stressed out beyond all belief.
"Howdy Quisty!" Selphie screamed, jumping up and down so that she could pick her out from the audience of others waiting for their loved ones to get off the trains. "And can I say, wow you look good!" she beamed, Selphie had never quite gotten over her infatuation with Laguna, even if she was dating his son.
"Hi, Selphie," Quistis answered sleepily, then when she saw Laguna standing next to the SeeD, she approached him and wrapped her hands firmly around his neck.
"What are you doing!!?" Selphie yelled.
"What I've wanted to do for so long, yet never got the chance to because Kiros held me back!"
"Don't do it Qusity! Stop it!" Selphie screamed, banging on her back with her fists. "If you kill him now you'll never be able to switch back."
"Fine, but I'm killing him afterwards then," she spat, letting go of him.
Laguna gulped and massaged his sore neck. "Selphie, can you explain to me why your friends are so violent?"
"Well that's an easy question," she beamed, "We were brought up in a military school, why else?"
The three walked down the street and met up with Squall and Zell just as they were coming out of Ma Dincht's house. "Rinoa just called Ma, she's waiting outside the city," Zell announced.
"Wow! That was quick!" Selphie exclaimed, jumping as if to emphasize her statement.
"She's using the Ragnarok…normally it doesn't take long to get anywhere."
"Shh!" she glared at Squall, "You dare contradict me?"
"I'll get my body back! I can't wait!" Quistis swooned.
"No more teaching school, it brings back too many bad memories…" Laguna mused aloud.
The group walked outside of the city and sure enough, the giant red airship was parked right out in the field with its boarding ladder down and ready for them. They all got on and immediately went up to the cockpit where Rinoa sat, smiling at all of them.
"Where to guys?" she asked, this being only her second chance to pilot the Ragnarok.
"I wanna drive! It's my job!" Selphie whined, standing behind the brunette.
"Go ahead and set the course for Dollet, we may need to pay an old friend a visit."
Though she wasn't sure she knew what he really meant, she did as he asked.
"Now where's the machine?" Zell asked.
"Well…" Laguna shifted around nervously. "Right there…" he pointed to a place on the cockpit floor where it looked like a small explosion had taken place, and in the middle of it was a black lump of what must have been the machine.
"I…don't know if I can save it…" Zell admitted slowly.
"Jeez, Laguna. This is all your fault, if you hadn't pressed the button this wouldn't have happened."
"I couldn't help it! The button had some writing over it that said "Press Me"."
"Uh…" Selphie turned to look at the group nervously… "Yeah, I got a little bored."
"SELPHIE!" Squall yelled. "Do you not remember what hell WE went through when it happened to us!?"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, this happened to you guys?" Quistis asked.
"Dammit," Squall muttered.
"Your fault! Not mine!" Selphie announced, "You slipped. So you can't pin this one on me!"
"I wasn't planning on it."
"Um, guys…guys! I think I almost have it working!" Zell exclaimed.
This stopped everyone's fussing momentarily for them to all turn around and watch what he was doing. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the machine.
"Now, this guy right here…" he said, pointing to some doodad on the machine, "Doesn't need to be here…it needs to be…" His eyes scanned over the machine and he found the place he wanted it to go. However, right when he pulled whatever it was off, the entire machine collapsed.
"Uh, never mind."
"Gah, Seifer's right, you really are a chickenwuss," Squall grumbled.
"Hey! I resemble that!"
"…Resent, idiot," Quistis rolled her eyes.
"SHUT UP! Why does everyone have to correct me all the time?"
Laguna thought for a bit before replying, "Maybe it's 'cuz you're always wrong?"
"How long until we land in Dollet?" Quistis asked Rinoa.
"Well, we're flying over the ocean at the moment. I'd say thirty minutes."
"What should we do until then?"
"Good news, I brought Candyland!" Selphie exclaimed.
"HOW IN THE HELL!!?" Squall yelled. "Where were you hiding it all this time!!?"
"…In my pants."
"You're wearing a skirt."
"SHH! How dare you admonish me, vermin?"
"Vermin?"
"Cool it you two…" Quistis said.
"Look who's talking!" Zell yelled.
"Now, now, now…let's all just try and get along…" Laguna said smoothly.
"SHUT UP!" Squall, Zell and Quistis said in unison.
"I agree with Laguna!" Selphie declared.
"Alright! Pacifists unite!" They gave each other a high five.
"Then both of you can shut up!" Zell yelled. "Then you can move to Fisherman's Horizon."
"You are so mean!"
"Yea, meanies!"
"That's my word!" Rinoa reminded them from her pilot's seat.
A painful hour later, the group arrived in Dollet. "I'll be waiting here," Rinoa said, "I'm going to catch up on my reading." She picked up a magazine as the posse of five got off of the ship and entered the town.
"Who are we looking for, exactly?" Quistis asked.
"A man named Stewy Leward. He's the one who built the machine in the first place."
"And where would he be?"
"…The Happyville Psychiatric Center…"
"Yeah, the only problem is that Squall was committed there too, and the girls in SOFT broke him out. So they may still be looking for him…" Selphie explained quickly.
"So what are we going to do about it?"
"Before you say anything," Squall interrupted, covering Selphie's mouth, "I'm not dressing in drag."
"You are no fun!" she complained.
"Besides, I have something I can use," he pulled out his Groucho glasses. "These really do come in handy," he stated, putting them on.
They all entered the familiar nuthouse, the walls were painted pink with little happy faces and rainbows everywhere. "Can I help you?" the also familiar woman at the counter asked.
"We need to see Stewy Leward."
"Visiting hours are from noon to six," she smiled mechanically.
"It's six now."
"Right, sorry sirs and misses, maybe tomorrow."
"We are special SeeDs sent by Balamb Garden, we need to speak with him immediately," Zell said.
"I'll inquire with my manager, please hold," she said a little too cheerfully. She then picked up her headset and dialed a number, waited then began chatting in a very ditzy manner. "Marge, honey? You still there? Good. What? He took his suitcase, sweetie, I don't think he's coming back…"
Squall tapped his fingers against the marble counter, "Ma'am could you please hurry?"
She glared at him angrily, "I am sorry sir, you will just have to wait. No, Marge, go on. No! He didn't!"
"That's it, let's just go," Laguna started down the hall.
"Un problemo, señor," Selphie stated, shaking a finger at him, "We don't know what room he's in…so we'll have to wait."
"He was scum anyway, Margie, don't cry…"
"Ma'am, if you do not give me Mr. Leward's room number, I will be inclined to speaking with your employer."
Angrily, the receptionist held up a finger as if to say, 'hold it, buddy,' then she did some typing on her computer, all the while saying things like, "Good lord, no! He didn't! Well, Marge, like I always say, 'all men are bastards', we just need to face the facts."
Squall felt like pummeling her at the moment. The receptionist then wrote a number down on a sticky note and stuck it to Selphie's hand. "Oooh! I love sticky notes!" she exclaimed.
"What's it say?" Quistis asked.
"Room # 486," Laguna read off of it.
"That's on the fourth floor," Squall stated. "Let's go."
Together, they filed into the elevator. It wasn't too long before they stood outside Stewy's door, the man was sitting within the cushioned room with a straight jacket.
"Door's probably locked," Zell thought out loud. Sure enough, it was, but that didn't keep them from getting in. Quistis was so determined to switch back that she rammed herself into the door, knocking it completely off of its hinges.
"I didn't do it!" was the man's automatic response. "Just don't make me eat the carrots again!"
"Mr. Leward," Squall said, pulling the mustachioed glasses off. "Do you remember us."
"Oh, yes! You're the idiots who messed with my machine," he smiled.
Squall's eye began twitching, "Idiots, eh?"
"Uh Stewy," Selphie began, holding Squall back, "Is there any way for two people to switch back without the use of a machine? These two geniuses back here broke the new one you made us."
"I AM a genius!" Quistis complained loudly.
"Yeah, me too!" Laguna followed.
No one said anything.
"Well…there is one way…" Stewy said slowly.
"And? What is it?" Quistis asked quickly.
"Actually, it's only a theory. I've never actually tested it out because most of my subjects were animals."
"What is it?" she asked again.
"Well, the two people who switched have to kiss."
"WHAT!!?" Quistis and Squall screamed at once.
"But he's so old!"
"HEY!" Laguna yelled defensively.
"Quisty, you lucky dog! You get to kiss Sir Laguna!" Selphie squealed.
Squall looked at her in awe, "You're sick."
"I'm not kissing him!" Quistis yelled.
"He's my dad! I forbid it! That's disgusting! And…molestation!" Squall yelled as well.
Stewy shrugged. "Well, then you'll have to break me out so I can build you a new one."
There was no way they were going to do that. Last time he and Selphie did that, they caused the entire city of Dollet to go into an uproar. They might as well have set animals from the local zoo free. They let millions of nut-jobs out of their rooms to create a distraction…though it did work.
"Well, if it switches us back then…" Quistis said slowly.
Laguna was undecided, he wasn't fazed by the idea, but he wasn't exactly keen on kissing this woman either. Especially when he thought about it, it would be like kissing himself.
Quistis walked over and kissed the president's cheek.
"No, no, no. It has to be a real kiss," Stewy said. "Tongue and everything."
"WHAT!!?"
"Unless you don't want to switch back of course…"
Gulping, Quistis looked at Laguna who looked back. Both were utterly defeated, this was their only chance to switch back. Just as they were drawing close, she felt someone shake her.
"Quistis! QUISTIS!! WAKE UP QUISTIS!!"
The Instructor shot awake. "What happened?" she asked, looking around. "Where am I? What am I doing?"
"Getting ready to run us into a cliff!"
"What?"
Suddenly she was aware of where she was. She had fallen asleep in the pilot seat of the Ragnarok, and sure enough a cliff was drawing ever closer.
"Holy mother of…"
"Don't say it, potty mouth!" she looked to her right to see Laguna.
Only he really was Laguna. "What the hell?"
"Concentrate! You're going to kill us!" he yelled.
She looked at her hands that were both gripping the steering wheel. Manicured hands, bracelets…her favorite orange outfit was on. She was back!
"THE CLIFF!" Laguna reminded her.
"Hold on!" she yelled, pulling the nose of the airship up into something close to a ninety degree angle. The Ragnarok had just barely missed it. Eyes wide with terror, she set the autopilot to Balamb Garden and immediately got out of the seat to examine herself once more. She was sure back to her normal self.
"Hey, Laguna, what were we doing?" she asked the man who was busying himself with walking around the cockpit and playing with random items.
"We just got back from the Psychiatric Center to save Squall, remember?"
"So I must've fallen asleep…but what a dream!" It was all so real. What about the bun squeezing? The exorcism? The Spongebob!!?
She was brought out of her train of thought when she noticed something. Laguna picked up an all too familiar object, "Hey!! Instructor! Look at what I found!"
"NO!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Epilogue:
Quistis managed to wrestle the machine away from Laguna before he actually got the chance to do anything. The machine was destroyed and never heard from again.
Laguna went back to Esthar and won the title of Ultimate Bun Squeezer for his 16th year in a row, however when he returned he realized his Spongebob channels were no longer existent. This still hasn't been explained.
Stewy Leward is still in Happyville Psychiatric Center, and he is still mumbling to himself about nominating himself for a Nobel Prize.
Selphie went on to raise and breed chocobos and built a stable for them outside of Garden to be used as missions.
Squall wrote a best selling book called, "Trading Spaces: The Drama" Giving a dramatic point of view to the story behind the struggles of two characters, Guall and Kelphie, complete opposites who switch places.
Zell became a professional Tae Bo instructor and with his program, millions of men and women alike from around Terra lost fifty pounds in only five thirty minute workouts!
Irvine signed a record deal and spent the rest of his days surrounded by beautiful women, err…that is until his records stopped selling and he was forced to sell his house, car and even faithful dog. He now lives in a cardboard box near the Balamb Train Station.
Rinoa finally achieved her goal of liberating Timber from Galbadian control and because her contract had been fulfilled, she was forced to leave Garden. She lives in a small house in Winhill and everyone visits her periodically.
Sefier decided that he liked being a disciplinarian so much, that he gave up on becoming and SeeD and is now trying to become a Balamb policeman. His ultimate goal is to work his way up the employee ladder to where he can eventually decide punishments for convicts.
Kadowaki resigned from her job as Garden doctor because of the development of several stress induced ulcers and passed the job on to a much younger and much more naïve doctor.
Cid died of high blood pressure.
Nida declared his love for Seifer, and swore to chase him to the ends of the earth, and he did just that with Xu following close behind him.
**And thus, the sequel of Trading Spaces, Swapping Souls, comes to an end. And this also brings the ending of our series. Thank you for reading, and please check out or other stories! Now, don't forget to review!!! ^o^**
Thanks to Virginia (ChocolateCreme06) who beta-read this story for us. She did all the nasty grammatical stuff and editing. She also helped tremendously with the storyline. Also, thanks to Ryu-Chibi and Soulstorm, who both submitted ideas to us!
Last but not least, thank you to all readers! And thanks to all who reviewed!
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