Disclaimer: Once more with feeling... JKR owns it all.
Thanks: Much thanks to Dawn for beta'ing and for the nice comments. Thanks as well to Chibikat the Canuck for her lovely review and blistik for his/her constructive criticism. This chapter was originally written as NC17 but edited to fit the FF.Net guidelines. If you'd like to view the NC17 version, it can be found on my site.
Draco stood silently for a long time. His eyes were closed and his breathing was even, but imperceptible. He didn't remove his hands from the desk because he was sure that he would start shaking if he did.
Despite the fact that almost everyone thought the worst of him, despite the rumors that circulated around the castle on a regular basis, none of it was official. Harry had almost forced things out of him that he dare not speak out loud, even in his nightmares.
Bastard, he thought. Even if he did hit a nerve suppressing his memories... Potter doesn't think; he just acts. No wonder he's always almost getting himself killed, Draco added.
Bastard.
It wasn't just Harry who had forgotten who they were, he had too, it was the charm that had reminded him. That was supposed to be the purpose, to remind him. It was supposed to be simple after that. A clean break with no messy clean up.
Of course, genuine, true-
Draco shut down the thought before completion. Enough of that nonsense, he had faced his demons and it was over. He reached for the charm and pulled hard.
Draco punched the wall twice.
He left his secret haven with his knuckles bleeding and the charm, while not burning, still pulsing warmly against his chest.
Harry sat dangling the charm; it spun freely, catching the sunlight spilling through his open windows. He'd just noticed that the eyes were no longer emeralds. Diamonds reflecting silver, a funny feeling wriggled in the pit of his stomach. He was getting a lot of those feelings lately. He was also still wearing it around his neck. He didn't want to take it off. For some odd reason it felt like if he did, it would mean he was giving up. Harry felt that if he still had it on, if it was still close to him... He sighed.
Hermione sat cross-legged on Harry's bed watching him. Ron was propped against the window ledge, watching Hermione and beginning to wonder if he'd imagined her little outburst. Then he remembered they were there to cheer Harry up.
"Listen. You're better off. Now we can set you up with someone decent. I hear Michael Corner has decided girls are a waste of time. Cho must've really gotten his head spinning. He's a Ravenclaw, so-" Ron's voice trailed off when he realized Harry wasn't paying attention. He was also worried that if Hermione looked at him any harsher, deadly green light would come shooting out of her eyes. "So. That's from Malfoy, then?" He asked instead.
"Yeah." Harry was fascinated and puzzled by it. "I got my memories back after I put it on. I think it has something to do with how I lost them in the first place."
Ron snorted. "I can't believe you're still wearing it. It's got to be loaded with dark magic."
"You'd think so," Harry said, "But it doesn't feel that way."
"It's probably balanced," Hermione said.
"What?" Ron and Harry asked at the same time.
"You know? Light and dark, it's completely neutral and harmless on its own, only swayed by the environment surrounding it, or in this case, the intentions of the people using it. Draco just didn't want to get consumed. He didn't want to actually harm anyone, and Harry..." She looked at him unsure.
Harry didn't say anything, but he knew exactly what he wanted.
Hermione's eyes were bright and Ron looked decidedly uncomfortable.
"It's okay," Hermione said, breaking the silence. "You can't help who-"
"Hermione, don't finish that thought." Harry dropped the charm and stretched backwards on his bed. "Besides, we're even now - thoroughly fucked each other over. I'm pretty sure we're done."
Ron shuddered at the thought, then flushed for thinking it in the first place. Then he flushed for flushing over the thought, and then...he stopped thinking all together.
Hermione wasn't paying attention. She was staring at the silver snake around Harry's neck now that she'd gotten a closer look at it. "Harry, have you noticed the shape the snake is forming?"
"Yeah, it's kind of curling around itself, but you can't tell where it ends, so it looks kind of endless," Harry replied. "It didn't always look that way though, it used to be two intertwined snakes with emerald eyes."
Hermione had "that look" on her face. "Of course! There's a story, a fable, nothing I ever thought was true, so I didn't think about it till now. It's about an old wizard who wished to remain hardened and powerful so he created two magic charms. The shape of the charms was never mentioned in detail." Hermione continued to explain how the charms were supposed to work. She eyed the silver snake. "Funny, now we know the wizard was a Slytherin."
"We do?" Ron asked, "And how did the story end? You said there was more."
"Well, I don't know exactly. The wizard finally falls in love but he made the mistake of using the charms to break the bond he had with his lover and it couldn't be repaired. So he reworks the magic so that the partner can make the choice to restore the bond, balancing the magic. After that, the pages were missing. It was really strange. I mean, it was just a harmless book filled with stories about wizards trying to manipulate fate and emotions." Hermione paused in thought. "The only reason I found it was because it fell off the shelf when I was doing some research, it wasn't even in the right section. Anyway, we know the wizard was a Slytherin because silver snakes with emerald eyes, think about it."
"Oh, right, that makes sense." Harry rolled over onto his stomach. He added Hermione's information to the thoughts swirling in his head.
"Plus," Hermione said, "that shape has a very distinct meaning between Slytherins."
Draco was bent over a volume on dark artifacts. He would find a way to get rid of the charm himself. As far as he was concerned, he was done facing his demons. He wasn't about to go looking for Harry again. He was done with him.
A knock interrupted him; he ignored it. This was followed by several more.
"Draco, I know you're in there."
Draco slammed the book shut and snarled. "What do you want Parkinson? Now is not the time."
Pansy opened the door anyway. She ignored Draco's murderous look and settled on his bed.
"I have an idea about what's going on," she said finally. "I don't like it."
"You don't know what you're talking about. Even if you did, you know very well that I don't care what you think."
"Don't be silly. You know you care, because it's how you SHOULD be thinking," Pansy said, cryptic to anyone but Draco.
"Don't pretend like you know more than you do," Draco hissed. "It will get you killed. You can pretend with everyone else, because they don't know any better. But you know you can't pretend with me. For all you know, this is part of everything."
Pansy stared at Draco until her brown eyes turned dark. "I don't like it," she repeated.
"I think you're done here." Draco stood up and grabbed Pansy by the arm. She winced. "Remember that I never have to explain myself to you. I may have shared some things with you in the past, but that doesn't give you privileges. I still answer to no one."
Pansy picked up Draco's injured hand and ran a finger over bleeding knuckles he'd forgotten to heal. "You know that's not true. For either of us." She dropped his hand and left.
Draco watched the door close and after a moment, locked it. He knew what Pansy was playing at. Things were moving too quickly and he was starting to have trouble keeping up. He swore. He had some owls to send.
Harry followed Snape, feeling slightly apprehensive. He'd nearly forgotten about the detention he'd received for the disrupting potions the other day. Luckily Ron had reminded him; otherwise he was sure his head would've been on some platter somewhere.
Or maybe ground to a powder and sitting in the potions cupboard, Harry thought.
They found themselves in the Hogwarts library. They weaved in and out of bookcases until Snape paused in front of a door Harry never remembered seeing before.
"Books and old texts found in formerly unknown locations in Hogwarts are placed in here if they're suitable for the library. Don't stand there looking like a stunned idiot, you know very well that Hogwarts has many secrets," Snape said coldly. "You are to sort through them and put them in the appropriately labeled boxes so the next batch of dunderheads with detention can put them in the correct sections tomorrow. They've been marked to prevent brainless mistakes, merely tap your wand on them and they will reveal themselves. Mr. Malfoy has already started."
Harry had also somehow forgotten Draco would be there.
"Remember, Potter, no mistakes. Make sure you know what you're doing," Snape said. He seemed to be speaking about something more than just the task at hand. Harry shrugged off his confusion and nodded so he wouldn't earn another glare.
Easy enough, Harry thought as Snape opened the door. But he'd thought too quickly, there were piles and piles of books on several large tables and stacked haphazardly on couches and chairs, on the floor. Harry sighed as the door clicked shut behind him.
Draco was at the far end of the room sitting cross-legged on the floor with his back to Harry, so intent on what he was doing that he didn't notice his presence. Harry watched him tap a book with his wand. It glowed orange and Draco tossed it into a box marked "Potions." He tapped another, this time it glowed blue and went in a box marked "History." His Slytherin jumper was draped over a near-by chair and the white button down of his school uniform was un-tucked.
Harry watched him lean forward to grab a book, exposing pale skin contrasting against the dark grey of his trousers. Harry imagined the fluid movement of the muscles underneath and swallowed. He shook his head; he was doing it again, what the hell was wrong with him?
Draco paused. "Are you going to stand there and watch me do all the work or are you going to make yourself useful? Since it's your fault we're here in the first place."
"Oh go to hell!" Harry shot back reflexively. "Everything terrible that happens to you is not my fault."
"I wouldn't be so sure." Draco continued tapping, not looking at Harry. Harry could just hear his smirk.
"You are...such an arrogant bastard!" Harry stalked to a corner as far from the blonde as possible and began tapping on books, intent on ignoring his rival. After ten minutes Harry realized that he couldn't ignore Draco forever because he only knew where orange and blue went.
"What's green?" He muttered.
"Herbology."
"Thanks."
Snort.
"Get over yourself."
"I will if you do first."
"What?"
"Get over me."
"Fuck you, Malfoy."
"That's what I thought."
Silence.
"What if I asked you nicely?"
Draco dropped the book he was holding and Harry smirked. "And that's what I thought."
"You said you were tired."
Harry looked over at Draco, confused.
"You said you were tired of our little war," Draco said. Harry didn't say anything and continued sorting. It seemed like Draco was going to open up on his own. " But this is much more exhausting, don't you think? Everything made much more sense when we wanted to kill each other. It's your turn this time." Draco reached underneath his shirt, his hand emerged dangling silver.
"I don't understand." Harry stopped what he was doing and joined Draco on the floor.
"I can't get rid of the damn thing. I can't take it off, I can't break it and I can't unbind or unlock it. You have to break the connection this time. Once you snap your chain, I'll forget about this whole bloody mess and everything can return to normal. You'll keep your memories. Everyone wins."
Harry reached over and examined Draco's charm, silver snakes intertwining. "No," he said finally. He understood Malfoy's train of thought, but it was his turn to be selfish. If he was going to be forced to be "the great Harry Potter" he was allowed one "get out of jail free" card, he thought borrowing a phrase from one of his favorite muggle games.
"No?" Draco asked blankly.
"That's right," Harry said still holding onto the charm, "it's not the answer."
"What the FUCK are you going on about? Can't you get anything through that thick, scarred head of yours? You owe me, Potter. You owe me for cracking me open and forcing me to nearly-"
"I am tired of you fighting this. It's why you think it's exhausting. Don't you even want to see if we can make this work?" Harry had noticed that Draco's tie was loose and his top button was undone exposing his collarbone. "Wait. I OWE you?"
"Potter, forever the hero," Draco said sarcastically. "I'm a cold, unfeeling bastard. I've done things...I've... You couldn't possibly understand. What I'm saying is you're thinking with your dick and not with your head."
"I don't OWE you anything. We're even." Harry yanked hard on Draco's charm so he fell forward. Harry kissed him, finally tasting that familiar sweetness he craved. He could feel Draco's resistance and it made him angry. He let go of the charm and pushed Draco to the floor and straddled him.
"This time you don't understand!" Harry said, pinning the struggling Slytherin. "Get this through your thick skull. I don't care that you're a selfish prick." Or that your father is an evil bastard, he wanted to add, but he couldn't quite get that out. "You make me feel alive, different. I want you, do you understand? You. It can be just about us and everyone else can go to hell."
"Potter, do you EVER think things through? You're being naive and get the hell OFF of me!"
"And you're being thick. Stop being such a fucking coward." Harry leaned in close forcing Draco to look at him. "I'm not thinking with my head or my dick." The honesty mixed with anger and emotion in Harry's green eyes weighed down on Draco.
Draco was angry. He was angry because deep down, he knew Harry was right. He was afraid. This kind of fear was different; Draco didn't know how to hide from it. Harry seemed to shove it in his face every time they were around each other. He couldn't avoid Harry even if he wanted to. Not that he wanted to. Really. He was afraid because he'd never cared about anyone but himself. Not that he actually cared about Potter, he thought, but something was there, he'd be a fool to deny it.
Harry never seemed to hide from anything. Except maybe from himself; this was something Draco was familiar with. Harry watched Draco's eyes change color as he warred with himself.
"There's no shame in truth," Harry said finally and let go of Draco's arms.
No, Draco thought to himself, but he still didn't feel Harry understood what truth would really mean between them. Draco looked up and seeing Harry leaning over him, with his untidy black hair falling over eyes the familiar color of a curse, he realized he didn't care either.
Draco reached up and roughly yanked the Gryffindor forward by his tie. "And what if I'm thinking with my dick?"
"Then we wouldn't be having this conversation."
Draco gave up. Not completely, he told himself, but maybe just for now. He kissed Harry, feeling electricity shoot from his lips into every nerve in his body. Harry sighed and began to slowly unbutton Draco's shirt, but he got impatient and pulled hearing the last three buttons pop. Harry tossed the expensive fabric aside and ran his hands over Draco's flat stomach; over the muscles he imagined earlier. Draco was soft and smooth, the complete opposite of the hard personality that he wore everyday. Harry took his fingers and dragged them slowly down, scratching lightly. Draco shivered; he reached up and helped Harry pull his jumper up and over his head. Harry removed his tie while Draco worked on his shirt.
Draco sat up when he reached the last of the buttons. "Couch," he whispered.
"Hmmm?" Harry was busy enjoying the feeling of Draco's fingers against his stomach, creeping lower and lower. Draco had very nimble fingers. Harp practice, Harry thought vaguely. Suddenly the sensations stopped; he snapped back and blinked.
"The couch," Draco repeated, taking off his tie and shrugging off his shirt.
Harry blinked again. Seeing Draco completely shirtless with his usually perfect hair mussed and falling in his eyes was something Harry didn't quite know how to describe. His paleness seemed to glow in the dim light, he was delicately built with a slight frame and his muscles were long and lean. Draco was beautiful really, Harry had never associated that word with a boy before. Harry suddenly felt a bit self-conscious.
"Have you gone deaf, Potter?" Draco had noticed Harry's stares and was a little pink in the neck.
Harry flushed, then scowled. "You really know how to ruin the mood, Malfoy." He shifted off of Draco and stood up. He forgot his irritation once Draco was standing, his trousers were riding low on his hips and...
Draco leaned into Harry and licking his ear said, "One last time, the couch."
Without a second thought Harry accio'ed his wand and muttering a spell, quickly clearing the books from the nearest couch. They flew violently to the floor.
"You have no style, Potter."
Before Harry could have another fit, Draco attacked him with his mouth and slid his shirt off his shoulders. Harry dropped his arms allowing the shirt to drop onto the floor. Draco plucked his glasses off his face and blindly set them on the nearest table. Draco continued to kiss Harry towards the couch until they toppled into it, kicking off their shoes.
Draco studied Harry, he was built perfectly for a seeker, lean, light, but strong and not just physically. Harry oozed strength, magic and a strange type of innocence that was...scarred. Draco had a sudden feeling that he would never compare to Harry when it came to magic and that stung. He felt the familiar wisps of anger creeping when he noticed that Harry was looking at him a little anxiously. Draco realized that no one had ever studied Harry this way before.
He has no idea, Draco thought, about anything at all. Or about how fucking hot he looks, he added as an afterthought. Draco leaned in and continued his exploration with his tongue.
Harry leaned towards Draco and kissed him languidly. When he did so, his charm slid against the one resting on Draco's chest. When the charms met they glowed intensely and Harry's unfurled and wrapped itself around Draco's. When they broke apart, Harry felt extra weight around his neck. The silver chains, while still fine, were thicker and not as delicate. He dragged his fingers against the new chain; his charm remained unchanged. Draco's however, was now identical to his own, a single, larger snake with the same endless illusion. The only difference were the eyes, Draco's still held bright green emeralds.
Draco sat up so suddenly; he nearly knocked Harry to the floor. Harry reached behind him and clutched at the couch's backrest just in time. "What the- Bedside manners, Malfoy. And you call me unsophisticated."
The blonde ignored him. "How long has your charm been like that?"
"Ever since I first put it on." Harry paused, "Yesterday. Why?"
Draco stared at the new shape, his expression unreadable. "Do you know what this means? The snakes. Their shape?" He seemed to be having trouble speaking.
Harry remembered his earlier conversation with Ron and Hermione. "Uh, no. I don't actually, I just figured it was all part of the magic," he lied, feeling guilty. Malfoy must really be rubbing off on me, he thought, only half joking. At least it was harmless, he really just wanted to have Draco explain it to him. He also wanted to see if Draco would tell him the truth.
Draco sat in silent contemplation. Harry was beginning not to care. He was trying really hard to keep from reaching over and playing with Draco's fine hair. It was always so perfect, seeing it loose and almost as untidy as his own...it was just begging to be touched.
Stop that! He thought. Why was he getting all couple-like? They weren't... They were... He didn't know what they were.
"Just remember this is just a bunch of rubbish. Fairytales and all that," Draco said, interrupting his thoughts. "It doesn't mean anything."
"Just like everything else about Slytherin house." Harry was favored with an icy glare.
"Do you want to know or not?" Draco snapped.
"All right, all right!" Harry rolled his eyes when Draco turned away.
"The shape of the snake itself is supposed to symbolize eternity. I'm sure even someone with your deductive skills figured that out, or at least thought about the allusion."
"I'm flattered," Harry said dryly.
"On its own, it's just another pretty piece of jewelry, but as a pair," Draco paused. "Okay. This symbol has independent magic. Like how the symbol of a pentagram does. If tales are true, a pair can't exist except under very special circumstances. Don't look so shocked, not in the whole world, you prat. Just within the same general vicinity, the same room or the same building, for example. That is, unless they're worn by the right people."
This was actually new to Harry; he would enjoy telling Hermione she didn't have all the facts. Of course, Slytherin WAS Draco's house and a family legacy. He would enjoy it nonetheless. "The right people?"
"Two people whose lifelines cross in so many different places that...that it's almost like they're the same person."
Silence.
"It's obviously a load of crap," Draco said finally. "It's a Slytherin tale, that type of bond is only supposed to exist between two Slytherins. I've never heard the tale told any other way. However, it's odd that I knew nothing about the story of the charms until I bought them."
It occurred to Harry that Draco did leave something out. Not that he was really surprised, he doubted Draco ever shared more than what he wanted. "It supposedly marks the wearers as equals," Hermione's voice echoed in his head, "which is a big deal in a house that breeds and prizes ambition." It was just as well; he doubted he would live long enough to ever hear Draco Malfoy admit that he was equal to anyone. He also didn't know if that should insult him or not. Malfoy's equal?
"Try to take it off."
"What?"
"You said before, you couldn't take the necklace off. Try it now," Harry said.
Draco studied the charm, green emeralds glimmering. "No. The thing cost a fortune. Besides, it looks fantastic on me."
Harry stared at silver against fair skin; he didn't argue. He reached to take the one around his neck off.
"Keep it," Draco said quickly. Before Harry could respond, Draco stood up. He bent to pick up his wand, giving Harry a nice glimpse of his perfectly curved arse. Harry immediately forgot what he was going to say.
Draco muttered a series of spells. Harry felt another rush of coolness and when he recovered, he noticed that he was perfectly clean. The couch was spotless and Draco was pulling on his trousers. "I can't believe you know how to cast cleaning spells. I would think all that was beneath a Malfoy."
"That was just to get rid of the evidence. I suggest you take a shower if you ever want to get near me again," Draco said indifferently. He doubted Harry would like to hear the real reason Malfoy's knew how to cast cleaning spells.
"Do you know what I could go for right now?" Harry asked suddenly, closing the door behind them. It was late. They were both tired and covered in ancient book dust.
"A shag?"
"Uh, sure, lots of shagging, but not now." Harry rolled his eyes.
"You need to work on your stamina if you're going to keep up with me." Draco smirked.
They exited the library and separated.
"So what then, Potter?" Draco called behind him. "What could possibly be better than shagging?"
"I could really go for some ice cream," Harry said simply, before disappearing around the corner.
Neither of them noticed the sound of a nearby door closing...
End Notes: Okay, and that's FIN. Heh. I hope everyone enjoyed the fic at least half as much as I enjoyed writing it. I feel like having a party to celebrate my first completed "chaptered" piece. There _will_ be a sequel. I left some things deliberately unanswered to leave room for one. I also _had_ to add some hair-love. I have this slight obsession with hair; I like to play with it. I always imagine Draco's hair being irresistible when it's caught in those rare "not perfectly styled" states. ::sighs::
Some may have issues with Harry's seemingly sudden pursuing of Draco. He's not doing it consciously and it's not really all that sudden. To me, Harry is much more emotionally mature than most his age, though he doesn't know it. [At least by this point, year seven. He was typically adolescent in OotP.] So to me, it makes sense that he would unconsciously be more willing to try to work things out than Draco. The lack of discussion is also on purpose since the history of their relationship warrants that they don't come to terms easily, if at all.