Disclaimer: Don't own em. Go away. I want to be miserable in peace.
When the Dawn Breaks-Chapter 4: Maybe If I Close My Eyes
Sitting here beside you, I realize how much it still hurts. I never noticed, never saw.
You could have told us, we would have helped you. But no, off you went, to your father's lair by yourself.
It was Beast Boy who noticed you were gone, Beast Boy who said that we should follow you. So, for once we listened to him, and together we set off for the place of your death.
You were standing there, facing him, streaming all your soul into defeating him. And you would have too, if I hadn't called out your name. If I hadn't, you wouldn't have paused.
And then you wouldn't have missed that fireball; you wouldn't have died right in front of my eyes.
Starfire screamed, Beast Boy cried and Cyborg yelled out. I just stood there, watched you watch me. Then in a flame of deep burning hatred, you were gone.
But even then I didn't realize.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I couldn't love you the way you wanted, sorry that I failed you as a leader and a friend.
Isn't it ironic? I never really noticed you when you were alive, you were so quiet, but now you're gone…
You're all that I think about.
Even now, two years later I still come. I try not to, I try to get on with life, but your ghost always draws me back.
Why are you doing this Raven?
Is this my punishment for my stupidity? If so, then I'll take it in silence.
The group was never the same without you. Beast Boy hated me and ultimately left us for a padded cell. He's still in there, muttering to himself. Cyborg just tinkers with cars, he doesn't bother making friends, believing that it's not worth that kind of pain.
As for Starfire…
What happened to her after your death is the sole reason I despise you.
Dark, moody…she became something else. She destroyed most of your things and tried to kill Beast Boy because he wouldn't stop "talking" to you. To what he thought was you.In the end, she threw herself off the tower because she couldn't live with what she had become.
And though I hated myself for it, I loathed you even more. Because, no matter how hard I tried, it was you I missed.
I stand up, and brush the dirt off. This is the last time Raven. I can't live like this.
So I'm going to walk away.
Maybe if I close my eyes, you'll still be here and I'll still be sixteen. We'll all be a team, all living together, instead of apart. Then I'd have my chance to tell you. To help you out of your shell. To save you. To save Starfire. To save the Titans.
Sometimes, it's like you're standing next to me. You don't say anything, just touch my cheek or hold my hand. Then you'll be gone and I'll think it's just a breeze.
I loved you, but I hated you. Now I just want to let go. Hating you ruined my life, loving you ruined my life.
I get up and brush the dirt off from your grave. I'm going to walk away from here, walk away from you.
My Immortal. My curse.
I'm sorry Raven. You don't know how much.