mom mom Disclaimer: I dun own Inuyasha so NYAH!!!
WELL HERE WE HAVE THE NEXT CHAPTER!!! This by the way is what Inuyasha was thinking before he met Kouga in the woods. This is Inuyasha's POV okay. THIS IS STILL KOUGAXINUYASHA SO IF YA DON'T LIKE YA DON'T READ!!! OH! I wanna respond to a few reviews:
Usagi Yokai: I'm glad you apparently enjoyed it (your the only one so far). Well this chapter is Inuyasha's POV so you should be happy! ^_^
Pixie Dust99: No I am 100% STRAIGHT!! And I do believe I said quite clearly IN THE SUMMARY that this was a KOUGAXINUYASHA fic. Not to sound rude or sarcastic but it's just common sense not to read ahead when you're giving a clear and concise warning that it may be something you don't like. But I am grateful that you at least took the time out of your own day to flame me. ^_^;
Kitsune-Miako: I will have it known that I hold nothing but respect for Inuyasha and Kouga-kun!! I happen to like this pairing because hate often descends into love and I find that very romantic!! As I said to Pixie Dust up there, thanks for taking the time to flame me, even though it was a flame it shows you cared enough at least to say something. ^_^
Queen of All Chipmunks: WELL YA KNOW WHAT!! IF YA THOUGHT THAT PAIRING IS DISGUSTING YA SHOULDN'T HAVE READ THE STUPID FIC!! But, as I tell all my flamers, thanks for at least taking the time to say something at least. ^^;
mrsbinx1013: FINALLY SOMEONE APPRECIATES IT!! *waterfall tears* You and Usagi are great, thanks for the support through all the homophobic people's shit. Thankies so much!! ^_^
Cabitshivers: I'm glad you liked it. I don't suspect many people DO really like this pairing but I think it's kinda cute. *blushes* Thanks again. You're review was really appreciated. Some folks *coughcough* are a little closed minded, but thanks for not being one of 'em. ^_^
I would like to dedicate this fic to Usagi Yokai for giving me the inspiration for this fic. I own you one Bugs. ^_^
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Wolf-Boy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The moon is bright tonight. Practically the only real light against the velvet black sky. It always seems like the moon is the inspiration for some many things. War, song, stories, and most of all romance.
And yet here I sit under the moon's light alone. Totally alone. Well, there is Kagome asleep on the other side of the fire, Miroku sleeping against the tree beside me, Sango resting on his shoulder and Shippo curled up next to Kagome. But I still feel alone. There's someone I wish was here, someone I want beside me that is not here.
Wolf-boy. Do you know about my feelings? Do you laugh at them, do I make you laugh you miserable wolf? Do I amuse you? Slowly, I get up from my spot in our little circle and begin to walk away. I need some time to think, to clear my head of all the thoughts and feelings running through it without restraint. I need to feel the ground beneath my feet, to smell the night air closing in around me.
Somehow my mind wanders to you Kouga. I look up into the night sky, it somehow reminds me of you. The darkness of the night sky reminding me of your long black hair tied up elegantly in a way that would make anyone else look like a total wuss. But not you wolf-boy. It somehow makes you look powerful, strong, and fierce. I don't know how you do it, but you mesmerize me with the way you seem to defy everything I've come to expect from my enemies.
Walking down this path, a light breeze rustling my hair I recall all the fights between us, the exchanged insults, the fighting over who Kagome went with. Thinking about it now, why did I always want to fight with you? I always got such a thrill throwing insults at you, but why? Why did fighting with you seem to have such a rewarding feeling in it? Was it because you could always cut me to the quick with your wit? Or was it something else?
My mind wanders to the first time I saw you, after having just beaten your pack after they had had their fill of blood from that village. You were so confident of your abilities, and I have to admit that you were a more than worthy opponent. But I still beat the snot out of you, and I felt proud and yet you looked at me so crossly and I felt hurt. Your gaze stung me and I actually felt pain in my heart. Why did it hurt? Why did I care?
Everything went downhill from there. I couldn't stop thinking about that hating gaze, those venomous words, and how much they stung. I started training even harder with the Tetsaiga, so I could fight you again. So you would eat your words. I let the others think that I wanted to kill you. But what I really wanted was just to see you again. You must have put a spell on me wolf-boy, I was entranced by you.
The second time we met, and fought, was when we came across Jeromaru and Kagaromaru. I kept telling you to stay out of the way, let me handle it I said. I could tell these guys were strong and I didn't want you fighting them. I didn't want them even touching you wolf-boy. That was my department. I was the one who was gonna fight you. I was the one who would put you in your final grave.
Then when Kagaromaru practically went right through my gut I saw fear in your eyes, panic. I dared for a moment to think that you might've been worried about me. That you were scared I was gonna die. For a brief moment I believed that you might've cared for me. That you might've actually wanted me alive. Then I saw that Kagaromaru was lingering precariously close to Kagome, and realized that THAT had been what had scared you. Not the fact that he'd gone through me like a knife through butter but that he might do the same to Kagome. I felt pain like I'd never experienced before as you fought off Kagaromaru, defending Kagome instead of me.
I fought on harder after that, using this newly arrived anger to fuel my attacks. They say that hate keeps a man alive, well at that moment wolf-boy I hated you. I hated you for not caring about me. For caring more about Kagome than you did for me. I hated you, and why? Because you hated me. I hated you for hating me.
It sounded like something out of those stupid romance books Kagome always has her nose in, or one of those TV shows she sometimes forced me to watch when I go to her time period. I absolutely hate you Kouga. I hate you for filing my mind, I hate you for constantly intoxicating me with your scent.
I loathe you wolf-boy.
I come to a flowing river now, the moon glistening on it's still waters. I've been to this river before, I came here once to try and wash out the scent of blood from my clothes when I had killed an entire village after turning fully demon. I kept splashing water on myself, trying to cover the tears in my eyes. But tears have a very distinct scent to them. Nor could I wash away the sent of all those people's blood. I hated myself so badly that day, I wanted to die, so that I couldn't kill anyone else. So that I wouldn't kill Shippo, Miroku, Sango, or Kagome. And, for some reason, not you either wolf-boy.
I remember sniffing your scent in the air. I remember wondering if you were laughing at how weak I was behaving. I wondered if you would come out of hiding and tell me I was acting like a little puppy. I wondered what you would do because I couldn't predict you. You never were predictable wolf-boy. So I sat there and waited for you to make the first move, my eyes cast down to the ground. Then all of a sudden I felt someone wrap their arms around me. Thinking it was you, I hugged back only to find that the scent didn't belong to you but to Kagome. I started searching for your scent but by then you had disappeared from range. I couldn't pick up your scent anywhere.
Why do I harbor these foolish emotions? Why do I bother with you wolf boy? It doesn't make any sense to me. Why do these feelings weigh so heavily on my mind? Why do I even care about them? The old Inuyasha would have waved them off as something in the air, or something bad I'd eaten. But why doesn't THIS Inuyasha wave these feelings off? Is it because I don't WANT to wave them off? Because I WANT to have them? To have some small hope to cling to, to draw on when I need strength. Probably, but perhaps I have another reason that even I am not fully able to recognize.
As I walk further I find that nature may be trying on purpose to make me think about you. The whisper in the trees reminding me of your voice. The black night sky reminding me of your raven hair. The pale moonlight reminding me of your blemished skin. Why does this world seek to torment me so? And why does your image fill my mind? Why do I harbor these emotions directed at you that you will never even understand let alone return? Why can't I show those emotions? Why?
I can't take it anymore. I fall to my knees and begin to cry. I know I'm not usually so emotional, but when the pain is this great I can't stop myself. I hate you Kouga. Do you even know how much I wish you would just die? Just to keel over for making me feel this way, for bringing all this pain with you. But finally, the answer comes to me. I understand why I hate you so much wolf-boy.
I hate you....because I am in love with you. I hate you for making me fall in love with you. Why you of all people? Why did it have to be you? The very person I hate with every fiber of my being. The person I fought with over Kagome is actually the one my feelings are truly directed at. My desire to hit you is just my way of fulfilling the desire to touch you. Fighting you is just fulfilling my desire to be with you, to speak to you, to feel your presence among mine. It's the only way for me to be able to be intoxicated by your scent and not let my guard down.
Speaking of your scent, I smell you close by, somewhere in the brush. I run to your location, following the scent that sends my senses haywire every time I smell it. Finally I come to an old clearing that I recognize. It is the very place where we fought Kagaromaru and Jeromaru. The day I first started having these bizarre emotions. I try to get to you, trying to be as quiet as I can but the damned bushes and shrubs prevent me a quiet approach.
Then I see you standing there, the moonlight shining of you velvet black hair. Youe skin glowing a silver color in the light of both the moon and stars. Do you know how beautiful it makes you look? Do you know how much it tortures me to know that I can only admire your beauty from afar? I bet you do. I bet you love the hold you have on me wolf-boy. I'll bet you laugh every time you even think about it.
"I didn't know you ever left your territory," I say nastily, stepping out from beyond the bush and into the clearing where we had fought side-by-side. You cross your arms over you chest and look at me smugly.
"This is IN my territory mutt, I've got every right to be here as you do," you reply just as venomously. I glare at you. You don't even see the tear stains on my face. You don't even care that you caused me to cry like a lost child. I hate you Kouga, I hate you for making me love you. And yet, that is the truth. That is the plain and simple truth.
I hate you because I love you, wolf-boy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well I know Inuyasha was REALLY OOC but I couldn't help myself. I love sappy stuff A LOT!! And once more, if you read this and you don't like KougaxInuyasha I don't wanna hear a single word out of you!! I stated in the first chapter, I stated in the summary, and I stated in this chapter that this was KougaxInuyasha and you shouldn't have read if you didn't like it!! THERE'S A LITTLE ORGAN IN YOUR HEAD CALLED A BRAIN MIGHT WANNA USE IT!!!