Disclaimer: I dun own Inuyasha.
Welcome to what is probably gonna be the final chapter of I Hate You Because I Love You. This chapter is the really romantic one so if ya don't like sappiness you may want to leave. AND THIS IS STILL INUYASHAXKOUGA!!! Just wanted to make that perfectly clear incase there was any misunderstanding. ^_^ But right now it's respond to reviewers time!!
Usagi Yokai: Glad you liked the sappiness. ^_^ Yes this fic was written for my little rabbit friend. Hey, what can I say, inspiration comes in all forms.
Fiery Love: I'm glad you liked it too. I apologize for making the characters seem OOC. I'm not to good at keeping them IC (in character). Thanks for the compliment on the writing style too. ^_^ Hope this chapter keeps up with the standard.
female-Inuyasha: *blushes* Well, here's the update. Hope it's good. ^_^
Queen of All Chipmunks: Don't get me wrong, I mean I'm Christian too. In fact I pray every time I write a shonen-ai fic. And you shouldn't excuse yourself for stating an opinion ya know. ^_^ I didn't mean to sound rude before (blame the well-water, it tastes funny) and if I was being rude, I sincerely apologize and hope you'll forgive my snippiness. But just out of curiosity, if you didn't like the first chapter, why'd you come back in the second one? Just curious.
Raven "Neko" Moonshadow: I'm glad you liked it. I'm sorry you don't see Kouga in a lot of fics, and I hope I helped with it. ^_^ This is probably the most romantic chapter (though sad to say I'm still not sure what exactly will go down -_-).
SICK!: I already have a life thanks. It's writing things that just pop into my head at random and this happened to be one of them. ^_^ If you think it's disgusting than maybe you should have stayed away in the first place. I realize shonen-ai is against God and pray you all forgive me if it goes against your beliefs. I have no intention of attacking the bible by writing this since, well I AM a Christian. As to what kind of sick demented person I am, I am a person who loves Kurama, ice-cream (CHOCOLATE ALL THE WAY), mint, and shoenen-ai. Yep that's me. ^_~
sleep walking chicken and HAP: *tilts head* Cool name. Thanks for the compliment. I know in the original series neither character is that emotional but I'm a sap for this romantic kinda thing. And must say I enjoy writing it too. ^_^
White Tiger: I'm in medium health, straight, and happen to like the pairing. ^_^ I know about shrinks, but, do you know how much they charge!! $120 an hour and sorry but I ain't got that kinda money or I'd have been going years ago. But if you know anyone who's really cheap yet skilled......we'll talk. Sorry you got sick, *hands her some soda* Dad told me that pop helps calm a sick stomach. ^_^
mrsbinx1013: As to flames, I mostly just wave them off and don't really take it to heart but I at least listen to their opinion. And I will keep writing cause nothing's stopped me before. Not so long as there's people who say nice things like you. ^_^
Rejected Angel: I like Inu/Kag too. But Inu/Kouga is my favorite yaoi pairing from Inuyasha while Inu/Kagome ins my favorite hentai one. ^_^ I'm glad you enjoyed it. Glad I didn't disappoint ya.
Cabbitshivers: Coolies. Sad to say this is the last chapter, unless I decide to do a sequel and that ain't looking to bright. Actually, the trick is bending all the poor characters to your will. ^_^
Inugirl: I know a good cure for depression! Eat lotsa chocolate!!! It's a comfort food you know. ^_^
Cherrii: Glad I could make you so happy. ^_^ Why would no one write this pairing? I think it's sweet!!
Warning: yaoi, sappiness, musing.
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Affirmations
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(Kouga's POV)
Why don't you return the comment mutt? You usually don't shut up and here you are at a loss for words. You take a step toward me, as though to start an argument but out of nowhere you just turn away from me. In the moment when your face comes into the light, I see your face is tear-stained. Have you been crying mutt? And if so, what made you cry? The way I know you, you almost never show emotions and yet I can't help but wonder.
"Somethin' that matter mutt?", I ask, genuinely curious.
"Nothing you'd understand," you reply harshly, turning fully around as though to walk away.
"You're right mutt," I reply smugly, turning my back on you. "I probably wouldn't understand a mongrels problems."
Then I hear you start to sniffle. You crying Inuyasha? Did what I said truly sting you? Well good, it's no less than what I want you to feel, for making me feel this way. If not for you, I'd still be chasing Kagome. But no, because a you I'm stuck on the one person who hates me almost as much as I hate him.
I love a person who will never love me back. I hate this kind of emotion. I hate knowing that I harbor this mass of emotions for someone who'll never return them. I want to tell you, to pour out my soul. But I don't, cause I know you'll either laugh your little black heart out or you'll attack me. And would I fight back? Or would I accept my death as a way of breaking away from you and this stupid obsession.
(Inuyasha's POV)
You insensitive bastard!! How can you be like this every time I so much as lay eyes on you? Why do you insist on being such a jerk!? I don't get you, always calling me names and attacking the fact that I'm half-demon while you're a full fledged wolf demon.
"Drop dead Kouga!!", I reply to you nastily. And I wish it. I wish you would just die and leave me alone. If you left then maybe I could go back to Kagome or Kikyo. If you left I wouldn't be in this pain.
And yet if that's true, then why does my heart hurt so much when I tell you to die? Why do I feel almost sorry for these words? Dammit, I can't even answer my own questions and I hate it.
"YOU DROP DEAD!", you respond, in an angry tone of voice. I turn around to face you. You look almost sad wolf-boy. You face shows nothing but anger but your eyes tell another story. They are sad, almost as though you want to cry but are holding yourself back. Cry if you want to, not like I care much either way.
Then you attack me viciously. Of course I don't just sit back and let you kill me. I'd rather become a full fledged human before I'd let that happen. You try to claw my face but your attack is unusually slow and I'm able to quickly avoid it. Then I attack you with my claws, barely skimming your face but still drawing a hint of blood. But you don't even seem to notice, as though you are numb to the pain. And ever so briefly my fingertips lightly touch your cheek, sending a rush of electricity through my body.
As we step away from each other again, as though preparing for the next attack, I take a good long look at you wolf-boy. I take in every detail of your face down to the shine in your eyes. I've made my decision.
I'll surrender myself to you, and allow you to claim my life. I can't go on living like this, holding this unquenchable desire inside of me that is never returned. I can't live like this, the only way out I can find is death.
I lower my defense and give you ample space to attack, waiting for you to attack me, strike me down, and inevitably kill me.
"Just get it over with Kouga," I say quietly.
"Speak up dog-boy," you command me.
"I said, get it over with!!", I shout angrily. I can already feel those piercing tears building in my eyes, like a river of sorrow threatening to flood dam of hate and false strength. Slowly, the river proves stronger than the damn, and it floods. The rapid waters devouring everything in it's sight with hunger. You look at me intently, as though sizing me up.
Slowly, you start to walk toward me and I brace myself for the final blow. I wonder how you will finish me, will you rip out my tongue so that I drown in my own blood? Or perhaps rip out my throat, yeah, that sounds like you. A quick death and quick pain, at least it will all be gone and I'll be able to rest in peace at last. I lower my gaze to the ground, a content smile spread on my lips. It's over, at long last, and you'll never know.......
You'll never know....
(Kouga's POV)
You want me to kill you? Why would you wish that? Last I checked you'd never allow yourself to get killed so why does it sound almost like you're begging me to end it? I cautiously walk over to you and find you in a state I've never seen before.
You're crying. You're honest to God in heaven crying. And even if you were trying to hide it, I could still tell since the scent of tears is lingering around you. You've been crying a while huh mutt? As I come even closer, you smile through your tears. You honestly WANT to die. What's happened to you Inuyasha? You'd never surrender to a little heartache so easily before...so why do you now? And what caused it?
Instead of attacking you like I would have a few, has it been months now? Time seemed to blend into itself after I met you. I loss track of days. They just turned into weeks, and weeks into months. But instead of attacking your pale features and spilling a drop of your precious blood I, actually being gentle, brush a tear from your eye.
You gasp in surprise and look at me, searching for the reason behind my actions. It will do you no good dog-boy, even I don't really know why I'm doing this. I'm just acting out of instinct right now, doing what comes naturally to me, letting my emotions guide me into the next move.
"Never seen you cry before mutt," I say, trying to avoid putting any emotions into my voice. "Any particular reason for the waterworks?" You look at me first, sadly, then angrily and shove me away glaring.
"You wouldn't understand!", you shout for like the fourth time tonight. "You've never loved someone only to realize it's the person who hates you to no end!!"
Now it's my turn to be surprised. Someone who hates you huh? For a moment, I think you mean me, because you're still under the illusion that I hate you. As I think this, a smile, ever so quickly comes and then vanishes from my face. You must be talking about Kikyo like always. She hates you too, doesn't she? It all becomes clear.
You will never love me, you're still too stuck on the priestess.
"I understand better than you think," I say, turning away from you, hiding the fact that I'm crushed beyond any possible repair. "Let me guess, you can't stop thinking about them even though you know the only time they think of you is in anger. You desperately want to be beside them but you know it can never happen because their hatred for you is too great for you to penetrate."
I hear you lightly take a step toward me. I wish you would just turn around and go away. Just leave me hear to die.
"Who is it Kouga?", you ask me, catching on to my act. I can hear you creeping closer to me, I want to run away, to get as far away from you as I can and cry my sorrow away until my river of regret runs dry. Then I would kill myself, allowing myself to be thrown into the river and drown or stab myself with my own claws. I just want this life to be over with. "If I find the bastard I'll kill them."
I snap that moment. You're no longer the arrogant bastard that I wanna kill, no longer my enemy, no longer the one whom I fight with over Kagome. You're somebody completely different, someone I just met and yet have known existed the whole time.
"Inuyasha!!", I scream, turning to face you quickly. In a blur of tears and motion I throw myself against you, no longer holding back my tears, and pounding your chest with my fist angrily. "I hate you Inuyasha!! I hate you!! I...hate...you."
Slowly I break down entirely into mournful sobs, not bothering to remember that I'm supposed to be the tough leader of the wolf demon tribe. For this moment, I'm just Kouga. No reputation to hold up, no tough out look to keep going I was just Kouga. Just another soul that fallen in love with someone they couldn't have. That was all I was as I cried into your red kimono, becoming more and more intoxicated by your scent.
Do you know what you smell like Inuyasha? You smell like the Earth after rain. It's a calming scent that I love to inhale, mingled with the scent of a fire, warm and welcoming after a long day in winter. I love your scent, it's so you. Made of nothing but my Inuyasha.
(Inuyasha's POV)
You're crying into me, like a lost child who misses his mother. Something clicks in my mind, and without even thinking about what I'm doing, my arms wrap around your back and draw you closer. I feel you beginning to fall and I fall with you. For that shining moment, we become one being, moving and breathing as one.
It feels so good to have you in my arms and I don't want to let you go. I don't ever want to part from you. I want to stay like this forever. Here with you, everything seems different. Life seems worth the pain and loving you feels worth the heartache.
For the first time in days a truly happy smile crosses my face and I begin to cry again. But these tears are different from before. Not the sad, lost puppy tears I'd been crying before but happy tears, tears of joy. And they don't hurt at all. In fact, they feel like they heal. They seem to make me feel better, to heal the wounds that the sad tears left behind.
When finally your crying stops, I still hold you close, doing the closest thing to fulfilling me wish to stay here with you. But you move away from me, only slightly, but it scares me none the less, to feel you trying to leave me. You look up at me, your eyes sad, like a dog that's left out in the rain.
"Inuyasha," you whisper to me quietly. "I..." I put a finger to your lips, making you fall silent. There's no need for words anymore. They couldn't even begin to describe what happened here tonight. My hand moves to caress your cheek as you continue to look at me intently. Then, in one swift moment, I bring my lips to yours gently, and with every ounce of love I stored in my heart, only for you.
Quickly, you respond to me, returning this first kiss between us as though throwing your whole being into it. I embrace you even closer as your weathered hands explore my hair. If this is all just a dream then may God never wake me up, may I forever be trapped in sleep. As long as it means I'm here with you now, that you're actually kissing me back, and that I' holding you here in my arms.
(Normal POV)
As the sun rose the following morning, it's colors of pink and yellow dancing across the sky to their own beat, the sun found it's way through the mountain's treetops and into a clearing. Once the sight of a bloody fight, it was now the spot of the beginning of something truly beautiful.
The sun stretched out its hand to the half-demon an the wolf-demon that lay sleeping in each other's arms. The sun touched their faces, gently caressing their skin with its warm touch. Inuyasha slowly opened his eyes, finding himself lying on the ground, hugging Kouga closely and the wolf-demon rested his head on Inuyasha's shoulder, still dreaming away blissfully.
The whit-haired hanyou smiled at his wolf, as the raven-haired one snuggled even closer to him. Inuyasha lightly kissed Kouga's forehead lovingly. This caused Kouga to stir slightly and finally awaken in Inuyasha's arms. He smiled at the half-demon and brought himself closer to Inuyasha's warmth.
"I love you, wolf-boy," Inuyasha whispered to his koi. Kouga laughed lightly and returned the remark with...
"Back at you, dog-boy," he whispered humorously. Inuyasha hugged Kouga again, before they both eventually dropped back into the dark pit of sleep, forever at rest in each other's arms.
The hate had disappeared, and the love had begun.
Dedicated to Usagi Yokai, without whom I wouldn't have gotten the inspiration for this fic.
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Well it's finally over. I'd like to make it quite clear that nothing "explicit" Happened between Kouga and Inuyasha that night. They basically just fell asleep in each other's arms. I just didn't have the energy to write too long. Thanks again to all my nice reviewers and flamers alike! ^_^