NOTE: Some Christian content…or, at least, there is if you can figure out what they're saying below. There's some more after it, too.

Chapter 71: Guess What's Back!

"I cannot believe that our budget has exceeded this amount!" the admiral said.

"It is true: we were unaware of the presence of these asteroids in the Tren'ka system before our listening post reported them. But there is enough there to make us more powerful by a factor of ten."

"…This is the fulfillment of the prophecy, is it not?"

"I don't see how it isn't. The Eternal One did promise us victory in this manner."

"Indeed, He did."

"But…where did the asteroids come from? A crown that size cannot appear out of nowhere."

"Whether its appearance was supernatural or not is unimportant: it is the work of The Eternal One. We must use it to secure the Kamnala system. They have a similar belt of asteroids there, and if the Linonians are planning to teleport the asteroids elsewhere, into their space, then they will receive a budget increase similar to the one we have just received. This will escalate the war to cataclysmic proportions."

"We already have a project to build a new starship capable to penetrating any defense. It is called the Liberator."

"Increase funding to that project. Build its rams and cannons out of the iron, if you have to."

******

"Youngdramon, I just had a thought," Tina said.

"Wow. Third time this year," Youngdramon wisecracked.

"Ha-ha. …Anyway, Joey just tilted the balance of power in a galactic fight. I think that deserves some kind of a hero party."

"You're thinking that we need to do another event? Like the Easter pageant all over again?"

"Something like that. I'm thinking something with all the kids in the orphanage, with space heaters all over the place. Those space heaters will drive me nuts, but I'll survive. Since Joey's planet must be some kind of hot desert world, he'll like having heating all over."

"Where are we going to get that many space heaters?"

"How tough can it be for Cleaver to slap a plug on some parts from a stove and get some heaters made?"

Matt nudged Tai. "Tina is the world's biggest schmoozer. She's going to try to get Cleaver to do her work for her. She got me to play Jesus in the Easter Pageant, and she got me to make June think I was in love with her."

"And you're not, right?"

"Of course not, Tai! Do you think I'm psycho?"

"Gimme a break! Planet Earth has gone psycho…a guy has to be sure."

Unfortunately for Matt, June had heard those words…and it cut her heart in two, not to mention made her very, very angry with Tina.

Tina felt a blow to the side of her head. Her first guess was that this was from somebody's tail being in the wrong place at the wrong time; accidents like that were sadly common on Earth. As the two images that her eyes were giving her came together, she saw that she was wrong: it had been June's deliberate punch.

"Tina, you lying witch!"

"Wha---what did I do?"

"You said Matt had a crush on me! You lied through your teeth about love!" June sobbed.

"June, if I hadn't said that, you'd be---"

"You witch!" June lunged at Tina, and the two began fighting. Tina was winning, of course, but that didn't matter: Davis grabbed June and pinned her down, and Ken grabbed Tina out of the fight, too.

"What is going on here?"

"A lie coming to the surface," Matt answered. "One that I stupidly played along with---it was stupid no matter how you look at it."

Hare muttered to Suezo, "Pay up: I told you so!"

"Yeah, my bad for putting my money on the girl who talked you into making a fool of yourself on stage. Too bad we didn't shake on it."

"You can't shake on it; you don't have any hands!" Hare pointed out.

Ken asked, "Tina, what happened?"

"I told June that Matt was in love with her because she had a crush on Gary. She would've gone with Gary in his little mutiny if I hadn't said that, and she'd probably be in Terrance's harem right now if I hadn't, too!"

"June, what happened?" Davis asked.

"Tina lied to me! All my life, I've been after Matt, from the time when I first saw him playing his harmonica in eighth grade! Now, Tina tells me my childhood dream is coming true, and it's a lie!"

"At least you're still alive!" Tina pointed out.

"I'd rather be in Terrance's clutches, right now!" June shot back.

"You don't really mean that!" Tina shot back. "…Okay, I admit it, I lied through my teeth…I'm sorry for doing this…I didn't know that you were that much after Matt!"

"I am!" June shot back. "Now, how about you knowing what it feels like to have your dreams get nailed! How about I duct-tape Ingrid to an anvil and throw her in the Pacific Ocean?"

"June, shut up!" Davis spat. "You're just yelling like this because you're angry. You're not really about to kill Ingrid, and you know it. So stop talking like you are!"

June kept her lip buttoned, but she wasn't about to forgive Tina for this.

******

Tina was glad that the children were all wearing raincoats: that meant that her sweat wouldn't soak into their clothes. She felt broiling hot at the party (although she was the only one who felt like that), and was stripped down to the point where she was only wearing her Olympic swimsuit---which was by no means revealing. Tina had to drink huge amounts of ice water to stay alive under all the warmth that was coming from the space heaters.

June wasn't at the party, needless to say. She didn't want to have anything to do with Tina after a shock like that, and she certainly didn't want to DNA digivolve Savamon and Ikudramon together---fortunately, there had been no need to do that, lately.

Tina had to suppress the suffering of the 75° heat and the guilt of having lied to June so that she could keep a smile on her face for the children. It wasn't easy, but she had managed to keep a smile on her face through a booster shot: she would be able to stand this, too.

"Hey, Tina!" Youngdramon shouted. "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the orphanage?"

"Not funny, Youngdramon," Tina shot back.

"You say that to just about everything I say," Youngdramon said, using her wings to fan Tina. (She had said it more in retort than in reflection.)

"It isn't funny…Youngdramon, why do you make wisecracks?"

"I dunno…just for the fun of it."

"You're the only one who has fun. This isn't a sitcom, you know."

"It isn't? …You're right; it's more like a soap opera. This thing with you and June---"

"Now, don't mock that. I know that what I did was wrong, but you won't make me feel any better by joking about it."

Youngdramon swallowed her urge to make another wisecrack: this was serious. "Is it getting you that bad?"

"Yeah…I lied to her, and it hurt her way more than I thought it would."

"Well…you chose the lesser of two evils, right? Either lie to her or watch her get killed."

"I dunno…I don't feel any better about it, knowing it was the lesser of two evils…"

"Tina, what you feel and what reality is are two different things. Maybe you did something wrong, maybe you did the right thing, and whether you did the right thing or not doesn't depend on what you think."

"…How do I figure out what to do?"

"I'd go to Cody's confessional booth."

Tina gulped.

"What?! He's not going to stick you with some penance you can't do, or anything!"

"But…he's catholic, and I'm…well…"

"He uses confession to reflect on what you did and see what you can do right the next time! Doctrine is beside the point. …I take that back: it's nowhere near the point! You need to talk to some ethics expert, and if an archbishop can't help you with ethics, who can? …Other than God Himself, that is…"

"…But…it's not about doctrine, it's…well…"

"What? What is it?"

"…It's a stupid reason. In fact, it doesn't apply. I'll see him after the party."

"What's the reason?" Youngdramon asked.

"It's nothing."

"It didn't seem like nothing. Was that hard swallow a 'nothing'? The last time I saw you swallow like that was when you heard that three orphans died from wandering into a time field. Something had you worried. What is it?"

Tina sighed. "In my hometown, there was rivalry between the Catholics and the Lutherans. My family was Presbyterian; we had no part in the rivalry."

"Rivalry, huh?"

"You don't want to know."

"I do too want to know!"

"…Knowing you, you would want to know. The Catholics would only eat seafood as meat during lent, and all the Lutheran butcher shops sold steaks at a loss during lent. The Lutherans wouldn't touch chocolate during lent, and the Catholic candy stores would just about give away chocolate."

"Wow…it's like they're trying to provoke each other to war, huh?"

"Never went that far. But it got burned into my brain that I shouldn't get involved in the rivalry, and that's why I didn't want to go to Cody."

"But, considering that the problems in Minnesota are about 6000 km and maybe 500 years away…"

"Yeah…it's safe to go to him."

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

I was actually inspired to write this from Garrison Keiler's (I think that's how you spell his last name) stories, "The News From Lake Woebegone". Lake Woebegone was a town in Minnesota where the Catholics and Lutherans had rivalry similar to what I described: "All the Lutherans drove Dodges, all the Catholics drove Chevies, and if you drove in with a Toyota, they would pay attention to you for a lot longer than you would think possible." It's a sweet radio show that he runs, The Prairie Home Companion. You should listen to it.

P.S.: He's not paying me to write this in! Honest!