It smells different ... I know this smell ... I'm ... in the hospital again ...
Stormy grey eyes opened slowly and squinted at the blinding brightness of the hospital room ,
I must have collapsed ... I –Suddenly , all the memories came rushing in like a vivid dream ... or nightmare .
The park ...
The people ...
The bright sunlight ...
... and the cold dark waters ...
He gasped .
Schuldich ! Schuldich must've seen everything !Schuldich saw everything and now ... he'd ask him what was wrong ! Schuldich was going to leave him ...
He sat up suddenly , his chest constricting as he fought to breathe .
Why now ? Why now ?
His frightened eyes suddenly caught a beautiful image ; one of Schuldich sleeping peacefully , his cheek resting on the brunette's leg , his serene face turned towards Ken and his hand holding on to Ken's wrist as if he was dreaming about not letting go .
All anxiety evaporated out Ken ; fading away like a hazy dream and he was left with a reality that was better than the nightmare .
He watched the steady rise and fall of the redhead's strong shoulders and the listened to Schuldich's steady breathing .
Schuldich was still wearing the same clothes he had been wearing the day before , rumpled and dirty . He must've slept in them ...
Despite himself , Ken smiled . He had seen Schuldich at his best and his worst , but somehow , he found himself preferring this Schuldich .
So vulnerable ...
So easy to love ...
Tentatively , he brushed a fiery orange lock from the sleeping man's face and drew back when Schuldich shifted slowly to wakefulness .
A soft rustle warned him of a presence and he glimpsed Aya leaning against the corridor before his brother turned and quickly vanished into the corridor .
" Morgen , liebe ." Schuldich raised his head from Ken's numbed thigh and gave a feline grin , seemingly purring like a contented cat .
" I remember , you said that to me the day we fought , 'Guten morgen , mein liebe' but you said before that it only meant good morning ."
Schuldich tossed his hair flippantly . " It does mean good morning . I just might've forgotten to mention what mein liebe meant ." He leaned closer and nibbled on Ken's earlobe . " It means my love ." He whispered teasingly before laughing out loud at Ken's slightly surprised expression .
" Well anyway , I'm hungry . I'm going to get us something to eat ." Schuldich stood up from the hard hospital chair and stretched liberally with a large yawn , trying to get the kinks out of his muscles .
Ken watched , half-pensive , half-amused .
Schuldich was acting as if he didn't know . Maybe nobody told him yet . Maybe he still hasn't asked ...
Ken didn't want him to know .
Too many people had abandoned him because they found out he was sick . He didn't want Schuldich to leave him ...
It was selfish , he knew , but ...
" I'll get you some great ham and eggs for breakfast . I saw a shop right across the street when I drove back here last night ."
Guilt gnawed at the pit of Ken's stomach , but he ignored it and tried his best and gave a small smile . " That would be great ."
" I'll be right back ." With a small wave , Schuldich was gone .
Ken closed his eyes and fought back a wave of nausea as bile rose in his mouth .
" He doesn't deserve you , Ken ."
Aya spun into three in Ken's reeling vision .
Aya ...
" Let him go , Ken ."
Ken gave a pained smile as he rubbed the angry welts that had started to form on his arms . " You know I can't , Aya ..."
Aya remained impassive as ever , but a glimmer of worry shifted under those stolid violet eyes . " Why can't you just forget him , just go back to the way we were ? You'll just get hurt Ken . You always get hurt . People are so fickle ."
" I can't let go ."
" He'll leave you when he finds out . He'll just turn and leave just like all your so-called damned friends . I don't want you to experience that pain again ."
" He won't leave me . He won't ." Ken whispered , trying to convince Aya ; and himself . But he knew , people always left him sooner or later . There was no one he could trust – only Aya was going to stay . But Schuldich ... Schuldich said that he loved him . He wouldn't just leave if he found out – would he ?
" You can always ask him to leave , Ken . To make him go away and never come back . It's so easy , it'll spare you from all the pain ." Suddenly , Aya's face was just inches from his , and his eyes were shining like cold steel .
" Stop it ! Stop ! I love him Aya ! I ... I can't just ... die ... I can't ... I ..." Ken buried his face into his hand , wild gasping sobs racking his thin frame .
Strong arms circled him comfortingly . " I'm sorry Ken . God ... I'm so , so sorry ..."
† † †
R_M : Well , that's it for this chapter ! Sorry about it being so short and all . I'm still pretty much harassed at this time so ... well , just be glad that I got to post something this weekend , even if it IS crappy ...
Schu : I'm trying hard not to let that happen (about school eating me up) But we've been especially busy lately since there is a soccer competition coming up soon and schoolwork is just being heaped by the ton . And yes , Aya does know about Ken's illness .
Mariki : Honestly I was surprised by your reaction O__O;; I think you're the only one who said that . Angst ? Yeah , probably .
Ketty : -^__~- Is that a promise ? Then I will ! ^__^
Ariestar48 : O____O *major sweatdrop* Uh ... so which is it ? Ultimate evil ... or good story ? *hides in a corner and mopes* T__T Arigatou for saying that though , it means a lot . ^__^
Kasugai Gummie : *gets spat on the face with coffee* O__O;; @ blood and gore and swearing on Ran's head .
Whisper Reilman : *lol at the 'soggy soggy angst'* Plan Alpha ??? *rolls around , laughing* bwahaha ! *bug eyes at the mention of cloning and taking body parts from Rei Ayanami*
Dan : Yup , I know what you mean . My p.c. has a mind of its own .
Marsupial : No , a marrow transplant still hasn't been done ; and no , no chemo yet. I agree , cancer is a BAD BAD thing .
Jenken : I hope so . You guys know how much I love reviews ! ^__^ Now you know how Aya reacted to it .
Manx16 : You're the second person to declare the depth of my evilness ! (or in other cases , meanness , badness or wickedness) Y__Y Yes , even I am starting to believe that I am evil !!! @__@
Anna Hibiki : Yay ! Another chappie in the Anna Hibiki Fave Fics Folder !!!! Yay !!! ^__^
Misura : *signs resignedly* Yes , I guess I am mean . You are forgiven and it is forgotten .
Ryia Jen Rowen : *fans unconscious Ryia* Umm ... some help here ? Yes , sometimes it sucks being right (I can say that from experience)