Disclaimer: No we do not own them as many people may think…
PART FIVE
*Lantis walks onto the set in a business suit and reads off que cards someone of set hands him* "Hi, I'm Rodger Lodge and-" Lantis Glances about looking furious, "I AM NOT Rodger Lodge!" The same hand delivers a new card. Lantis reads off this one, "Hi, I'm Jack the Ripper- Aargh!" Reads off next card, "Hi, I'm Buffy the Vampire Sla- Okay, that's it! Where are you Eagle Vision?! I'll wring your little pansy neck!!" *New hand gives Lantis a card* "That's better." *Looks back up to audience* "Hi, I'm Trowa Barton. …wait…Angel! Eagle!! Blast you!!" Lantis storms off set and looks for Angel and Eagle, only to find himself on stage again. And, finding one last card in hand and *sigh* reads it, "Hi, I'm Eagle Vision…?! Goddammit!" Lantis calms himself with some difficulty, "I am Lantis and welcome to Blind Date."
The two screens at either side of him show images of today's victims-er, guests-…no, no, victims would be an accurate description. One screen has a picture of Zazu and the other shows an image of a crazed Nova.
"these are our first two daters." Lantis motions to Nova's picture, "Nova is an energetic young pyro who has a zest for violence and destruction. She's looking to have a good time this evening, so lets see what she would consider a pleasant date."
Video Nova, "Ummmmm … perfect date?…Iwannadate-Hikaru!!" *looks around confused for a moment* "Ehhh…A guy that likes to play!" *pulls out sword* "Yeah!"
Lantis blinks a few times. "Okay… and now for Zazu."
Video Zazu, "Oh, I want a girl with short hair and she'd be cute and
a little shorter then me and-"
"-That's just impossible! You'd have to date a five-year-old!" Lantis laughed… kind of.
Video Zazu pouts, "That was so MEAN!"
Lantis, "Yeah. Sorry. Anyways, time for our commercial break. When we return *reads off card* We'll discuss the strange phenomenon that makes me question the good in the universe… Lantis and Eagle fics!…Eeew!" *makes sour face* Shouts in unison with Eagle, "Angel!"
Peach (blonde-haired, red-eyed girl. Angels equivalent to nova) pops up and waves, "Hey, Hat boy!!!"
Zazu (who came on stage for some reason) immediately grabs hold of his hat, "Leave it alone! You have your own!"
Randi pops up, "Revenge!!" (attempts to stab Zazu)
"My hat boy!!" Peach races to the stage and throws Randi across the room. Randi 'eeps' and passes out in the rubble. Peach claps her hands in delight and grins, "Yay!! I win!" *takes off black cap to smooth her short hair (short like a boy's, except bangs) and puts it back on* "Never forsake my hat boy!" Peach scampers off to rejoin the audience.
"May I PLEASE continue?" Lantis bellows.
"Ummm…OKAY!" Peach replies.
"I don't need you to tell me that." Lantis growls "When we return we will *reads off card* join the hunt for Osama Bin Laden!….waitaminute…Eagle!"
On call, Eagle walks in, smiling sweetly. Lantis moves to strangle him and Eagle drops to the floor, de-panting Lantis as he goes. The gold eyed boy gets up and runs off stage, laughing as he goes, leaving Lantis in boxers with fluffy pink rabbits on them. Lantis re-pants himself as the audience and cast of Rayearth burst into hysterics.
"Shut up! It's time for commercial! Do you hear my?" Lantis screams, before sobbing like a little girl.
Raven runs on stage and sings, "He needs you eyes he needs you hears he needs you in your seat! Oi!" and continue till she is off stage again.
The audience, now intimidated by Ravens musical insanity, silences. Lantis sulks offstage as Angel comes out wearing underwear and having white, feathery wings. Angel looks around some, reads her que cards, and tosses them.
"Screw Victoria's Secret! Let's all go to your local Blockbuster! Wahoo!" *does a dance* "You know, you can get three rentals of new releases for… a good price! … what? How am I supposed to know?…Eagle? How much with a Blockbuster card?"
Eagle: Stares…
"Eagle?! What's the price with a Blockbuster card?"
Eagle stares some more.
Angel turns to the audience, "Do YOU care?"
Audience stares also.
Angel looks down at herself, "Omigod! I'm wearing pink!" and, upon closer inspection, "Hey! I've got boobs! Big ones!…well, they're not as small as I thought…" looks at tag on bra, "WOW! A size C! That is big! And I'm really only Hikaru's size!…But I have some!" Dances again. "…wait… you perverts! That's what you were staring at! " Angel runs off to hide in Eagle's cloak, where nobody can see nor find her.
Ferio walks out with an orange for a head. Umi with a raspberry head, Geo has a Cherry head, and Lafarga has an apple head. Each eats come Gushers fruit chews…Their heads return to normal…they shrug and get off the stage.
Umi runs back out, "DRINK MILK AND YOU CAN GROW BIG AND STRONG!"
Raven comes out in a cocktail gown, "If you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain"…Runs off once more, shouting, "Power to the cheetos!!"
Once more, Lantis comes out, "And now, let's see how Nova and Zazus date turns out…"
Tape rolls…
Zazu opens the door before Nova knocks on it. She ends up knocking on his head
"Sorry." Nova says, "I'm Nova." *hands Zazu a bottle of…ahem…poisoned beer*
"Wow! Thanks!" Zazu gleefully accepts the gift and gives Nova a bouquet of flowers, "I'm Zazu and these are for you."
"Thanks." Nova hugs Zazu.
The first stop for our couple is the Shidou school of kendo. Their instructor is…Hikaru!
Obvious Guy! I could have told you that…
Hikaru explains the swordsman thing as Zazu makes quips and attempts to regain Nova's attention. The pink haired girl was only listening to Hikaru.
"Now, let's see how you do." Hikaru gave them their practice swords and Backed off, "Begin!"
Nova screams a battle cry and lashes out at Zazu, who scurries about to parry her attacks and avoid getting a concussion.
"You're very good at this." Zazu managed between jumps and guarding his bones, brains, etc.
Nova laughed maniacally, "This is fun!"
Sword master Joe: No, it's dangerous! Now go meditate on what you've- (gets knocked out by Nova)
Zazu, though successful in delaying the inevitable, passes out from over exertion.
"Awww…That's no good." Nova whines, "My poor, poor Zazu."…
Out of nowhere, Peach pounces Nova like a jungle cat, "Don't hurt my hat boy!!"
Peach proceeds to do battle with Nova while Hikaru tends to a bruised and battered Zazu.
A little blonde boy with blue eyes runs in "Peach!" (little boy is Faust from 'Saber Marionette J' Before they screwed up his mind) Boy steals hat.
"Chibi Faust! Return my hat this instant!" Peach chases Chibi Faust off set.
Sarcastic Guy: Wait, at least we aren't losing ratings…
At a restaurant; Nova slips some powder into Zazu's drink as he gets over a dizzy spell from Nova's attacks. Zazu swigs the whole thing down. Process of drink poisoning continues for an hour….Yet Zazu isn't dead…hmm…
"Gee…I fell funny…." Zazu face plants into his bowl of soup.
Nova sighs in relief, "And that's the end of that chapter." About to get up when Zazu sits back up, noodles on his Face and in his hair and pieces of chicken in his hair as well. Nova bursts into hysterics as Zazu gives her a silly grin. She claps her hands as Zazu tugs his ears outward and puffs his cheeks, making a cute monkey face.
…Car ride home…They talk about guns and Zazu gives Nova a teddy bear. Nova is once more delighted and hugs Zazu. Zazu walks Nova to her door. They say goodbye.
End video….
Lantis blinks in disbelief, "Zazu lives!… Now, lets see how they thought their date went."
Video Nova, "I actually like men now!… But, he was too sweet….I'd rather date Peach."
Peach *who was playing tag with Chibi Faust* Ka-blink "Oh…oh my…"
Video Zazu, "Well, I'd date her again, but doctor says I can't suffer another blow to my skull."
Lantis, "Oh well…and now for our next couple….Primera and Chang Ang…dear lord…"
Chibi Faust, "You can't take Peach away from me!"
Nova (with a murderous glint in her eye) "Oh really?"
Peach grabs Chibi Faust and hides in Eagles cloak as well.
Eagle shrugs, "As long as they understand the have to pay rent."
Lantis begins to weep again." Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me!?" Lantis hides in Eagles cloak as well.
"All right! That's beyond wrong!" Eagle shakes out the contents of his over crowded cloak; frightened Peach, arrogant Chibi Faust, woeful Lantis, a puppy, a pool noodle, sponge bob, a UPS man, a telephone, a monopoly board, play stations one and two, a tiger, a bucket of KFC, and a trampoline.
"…But…I thought that Angel was *in* there????" Raven, very confused.
"Yea she IS." Eagle replied. "She still hates the world."
"Why do all of you ignore me?!" Lantis cries some more, "I hate you!" He runs off, weeping still more.
"Well, to summarize and save you from the inappropriateness of and old man flirting with a fairy, we'll end our show for today." Raven said, then sang, "I wish I were a multimillionaire."
Audience runs away, screaming, "Oh! The humanity!"
Network executive pops in, "Hey, you gotta fill up five more minutes before we can end the show."
Audience whines and returns to their seats. Jade comes in, "Welcome to our ultra fantastic super short dating game!" audience feigns excitement. "Let's see today eligible batchelorettes! What's behind curtain number one?" *pulls at Eagles cloak* "It's Angel Ookami!" *Angel clad in black leather pants, boots, Peach-like cap, and black tank top with finger gloves, says 'whatever.'* "This live wire likes pina coladas, getting caught in the rain, AND decapitating EAGLES!" *Eagle get pale and gulps* "Now, behind curtain two is…Raven!" *Raven wears a pair of flares and a t-shirt* "Nonchalant is the way to go, in her case. She has style, grace, finesse, and an easily memorized phone number! Get her while she easy!" *Lantis cries harder, as if that is conceivably possible* "Batchelorette number three s…Peach!" *Peach is in the typical marionette attire.* "Packed with love and energy, this cyborg is a total powerhouse! Her maiden circuit allows her to fell emotion, and she so cute! She loves sugar, hats, and sometimes Otaru." *Chibi Faust cries. Otaru blushes* "…And, last, but certainly not least, is…Bum bum! ME! I m a bright, intellectual girl. Not only that I can summon dead cheerleaders!" Jade demonstrates, much to the audience's chagrin.
Eagle runs onstage and retrieves his stolen property, knocking dead cheerleaders into the now terrified audience as he does so. He puts his hands over Angel's ears. "I don't appreciate your little f***ing performance! And don't dress her up like a prostitute! You are a sick, sick woman!" He removes his hands from Angel's ears and picks her up.
"What're you doing?!" Angel demands.
"Taking you shopping." Eagle added quietly. "So you don't look like a fourteen year old hooker!!"
"Yay! New stuff!" Angel jumps down, grabs Eagle's arm, and races off with Peach like speed. "Yippee!"
Lantis, now finished crying, staggers onto the set. Peach rushes by with Chibi Faust, closely followed by a sadistic Nova. Zazu is rocking back and forth reciting verses from the bible. Randi is chasing Ferio, Fuu, Umi, Hikaru, and the Rabid Monkeys with a giant spoon. Lafarga joined a cult and convinced Caldina to join also. The characters from Chizeta and Fahren have gotten sick of this crap and have gone home. Jade is now in love with Zazu and wrote a song for him….And Raven is singing 'I'm a little teapot' like rap.
Ascot is busy with his new digital camera, so Jade will give you the ten things you didn't want to know about Rayearth…
Jade grins, "One, Eagle LIKES Lantis-"
Angel leaps out with her squeaky mallet and whacks Jade, "SHUT UP!!"
Jade pops out of a pile of rubble. " Fine.. strike that… one, Angel's mean…Two, Lantis is on steroids…Three, Zazu takes Ritalin, that's what's stunted his growth…Four, Umi is not a virgin, nor has she been since her eleventh birthday." *evades grenades launched at her by Umi fans.* "Eagle thinks the flowers have a conspiracy against him. That's number five…Six, Geo used to be a woman. He's a reversed Marilyn Manson…" *avoids onslaught of Eagle and/or Geo fans* "Seven, Caldina used growth enhancement to pump up her bust…Eight, Zazu doesn't really like women! Hehehaha!…Nine, Hikaru watches the porn channel with her older brothers. They consider it bonding time…AND TEN!!!! Ferio sucks at the Zelda game!!!…Oh, wait, you know THAT." Then, realizing the dangers of current surroundings, Jade quickly beats a retreat.
Lantis sighs, "Till next time…If we live that long."