Author's Note: Anyone remember Chicken Boo from 'Animaniacs'? Well, don't get yourself down if you don't…it's not crucial to know that character. This fic takes place shortly after 'Episode 9: Both of You'. Consider this an alternate ending. ^^
Chicken Boo Strikes Back
By Charles Xavier
Asuka and Shinji were both given a warm welcome back to the NERV Headquarters, after having triumphantly thwarted the 7th Angel…
"Well done, Shinji and Asuka!" Misato congratulated them loudly inside NERV's main control room. All the employees around the room applauded, with the exception of Gendo and Kouzou, who were just monitoring everything that was going on down below from where they were standing. Rei, Kaji and Ritsuko stood silently behind Misato, who was continuing her talk with the two pilots. "Your synchronization there was beyond excellent. You two really are something out there, did you ever realize that?"
"Brahk." Shinji replied. "Bahk, bahk, bahk."
"What did you say?!" Asuka snapped in sudden anger after hearing what her feathery 'friend' had just said. "What do you mean that the credit should all go to you?! Without me, you would have been dead meat out there…that Angel would have been kicking your ass so hard if we didn't work together!"
Shinji faced Asuka and looked at her sternly. And without warning, he pecked her nose rudely with his beak.
"AIII!!!!" Asuka jerked a step back while rubbing her painful red nose. "Baka! You're going to pay for that!"
"BRAHK! BAHK! BAHK! BAHK!"
Asuka leapt onto Shinji like a ferocious beast and began an intense wrestling match with him. Thick clouds of dust soon filled the air and fogged everyone's sight for a short while. When it cleared, Asuka was seen kneeling on the floor, already exhausted out by Shinji…who happened to be standing naked in front of everyone after Asuka had managed to rip off his entire pilot uniform during the fight.
However, his exposed form was completely devastating to all…for before their eyes, they could now see that Shinji Ikari was not a man, but a chicken.
Makoto's glasses slid off his stunned face and clattered to the ground. Shigeru screamed out like a girl and ran out of the room crying for his mommy. Maya ran to the nearest bucket she could find and threw up. Ritsuko fainted. Kaji wet his pants and ran the Boy's Room. Misato covered her mouth. Rei and Asuka paled in fear.
"AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!" Asuka shrieked in fright. "Shinji's a god-damn chicken!"
"Brahk, bahk, bahk, bahk, bahk, bahk, bahk!" Boo clucked away, walking around the room like a real chicken would in a barn. "Bahk! Bahk! Bahk!"
Meanwhile, upstairs, Kouzu was beginning to sweat drop severely. Gendo, on the other hand, made no serious reaction to the shocking sight and simply sat with his hands cuffed together.
"S-Sir." Kouzou croaked out hesitating. "This is most unexpected…why didn't you ever tell me that your son is…a chicken?"
Gendo shook his head and sighed deeply in grief.
"It's true, Kouzou. Forgive me. I am indeed the father of the brainless chicken you see. And I thought it would never come to this…" Gendo took out a large mallet out of his drawer and held it firmly in his grasp. Kouzou stepped back, afraid that Gendo was going to take some horrifying action. "…but it always does…always."
At that moment, Gendo started whacking himself on the head with his mallet, while at the same time doodling his finger across his lips. Kouzou shut his eyes and looked away until Gendo knocked himself out unconscious and collapsed to the ground.
Back downstairs…
"STOP THAT ANNOYING CLUCKING!" Asuka shouted for the third time, covering her ears. "AAAARRRRGGHHHH!!!!!!!"
"What must we do now, Misato?" Rei asked her.
"We're going to be the laughing stock of Japan if anyone hears about this." Misato buried her face into her hand with embarrassment. "There's only one option we can do at time like this."
"Stay out! And don't ever come showing your ugly face around here again, baka!" Asuka kicked Boo out of the NERV Headquarters and left him on the empty roads of the night, before bursting into tears. "I can't believe I actually had a crush on a chicken! WAAA! HA! HA!"
Asuka walked away in shame. Boo, ignoring her cries fading in the distance, stood up on his two feet and shook away the dust off his feathers. After that, he followed the road he was on out of the city…
CHORUS: You wear a disguise, to look like human guys. But you're not a man, you're a Chicken Boo!
Fin