Title: Broken Hearts
Author: fulinn28
E-mail: fulinn28@ficwithfins.com
Website: www.ficwithfins.com
Rating: PG
Pairings: Sam and Jack
Category: Angst and ship
Season: AU
Content Warnings: Contemplation of abortion. No Details.
Summary: Sam's decisions leave a trail of broken hearts.
Spoilers: "A Hundred Days", "Solitudes" and "Children of the Gods", "Matter of Time" and "Cold Lazarus"
Status: part 1 of 3
Sequel / Series: "Broken Hearts pt 1", "Mended Hearts pt 2" and "Soaring Hearts pt 3"
Size:
Disclaimer: "All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author."
Copyright: (c) 2004 bonnie rose
Authors Notes: All feedback is welcome and will be answered. Thank you to Su Freund, the best beta I could ask for, this story is so much better for her efforts and suggestions. All remaining errors are mine and mine alone.
Chapter 1 Broken Hearts
Up and down the grocery store aisles Sam wondered with her cart. As she tried to find the shampoo that Jack liked so much. She noticed a woman coming down the aisle surrounded by kids! For cryin' out loud, had this woman heard of birth control? Sam stared at her covertly, the woman was pregnant, had a little one in the cart seat and a third by the hand. Sam shook her head, sure she wanted a family one day, but right now things were pretty much where she wanted them; a career with few limitations and a wonderful lover, even if they did have to keep their affair quite at the moment.
Aha! There was the shampoo, the last one on the shelf. Sam made her way to the checkout as quickly as she could. She had plans for tonight; it was her and Jack's one year anniversary.
*** Two Months Later ***
Sam sat in the bathroom staring at the little blue stick. How could this have happened to her? Her hand continued to shake as she contemplated all the things this would mean: no gate travel; no working till all hours; a tremendous responsibility that would be hers alone to face; the looks from her co-workers; and, not the least of her problems, the father.
Sam thought about that one for a moment; her career in ruins and probably a court martial for the father. Since the child would need it's mother, she would probably get a letter of reprimand in her file and possibly a demotion, but would not face a court martial. The tears slowly trailed down over her cheeks, dropping onto her quivering hands.
Abruptly she rose from her seat on top of the commode, tossing the offending test stick into the closest trashcan. Take control Sam, she admonished herself, you're a major in the United States Air Force!
She had to get some advice, and her first thought was to call Janet. Not only was she Sam's closest friend but also a medical doctor. She picked up the phone hitting speed dial number two.
Sam sat on her bed waiting for Janet to answer the phone; finally she heard her friend's voice.
"Hello?" Janet answered, her attention split between the phone and her daughter Cassie, who was arguing with the TV. Janet sighed and thought, not for the first time that Cassie was spending way too much time with one Colonel Jack O'Neill. Bringing her attention back to the phone she repeated herself "Hello? Is anyone there?"
"Janet?" came the soft response "I'm in some trouble, can you come over?"
For a moment Janet hesitated. In all of the years she'd known Sam, she had never heard her so uncertain and lost, except when Col. O'Neill had been lost on Edora.
"Sam, honey," Janet said quietly but firmly "what's happened?"
"Please, Janet. I can't talk to you about it on the phone. I really, really, need your help." Sam pleaded. She hated the pleading tone in her voice, but her trembling tear strained vocal chords could offer nothing more.
"Ok, Sam. I'm on my way over. I'll see you in about twenty minutes. Ok?" Janet asked needing to hear Sam confirm that she understood that Janet was coming; help was on the way.
"I'll be here, Janet and thanks. I know I'm pulling you way from Cassie." Sam breathed a sigh of relief that her friend was on the way.
Quickly Janet explained to Cassie that Sam wanted some girl talk. Cassie immediately wanted to come along as well. Now that she was fourteen she could relate to many of the grownup girl talk issues. However Janet nixed that idea quickly, explaining that Sam had asked for only her.
Janet was out the door and in her car as fast as she could manage, her mind turning over all the different circumstances that she could think of. The most obvious one, of course, was the very quite, very discreet affair that Sam was involved in. Although nothing had been said, Janet was well aware that her friend had crossed "the line" with her commanding officer. As far as Janet and the rest of SG-1 were concerned, they couldn't be happier for their friends. Both Sam and Jack had never appeared happier or more content than during the last year.
Now, Janet mused, had Jack left Sam, telling her it was for her own good? That Sam should move on to someone more her age and with similar interests. Well, Janet thought, I'll know soon enough and I'll be there for Sam no matter what.
"Well," Janet muttered out loud "if he'd done anything to hurt her I'll make him sorry! I have a supply of very large needles in the infirmary and they have his name on them!" She smirked.
Soon, Janet pulled into Sam's driveway noting that only a very faint light showed out the living room window. Janet walked up the sidewalk, raising her hand to knock, only to have Sam open the door before she had a chance to announce her arrival.
Observing the bloodshot eyes and red nose, Janet followed her first impulse and pulled Sam into a tight hug. Sam returned the hug, grateful for Janet's friendship and unquestioning support.
"Come on in." Sam invited.
Both women took a seat on the couch in the living room, facing each other, a drawn out pause lingering between them. Janet bit her tongue, wanting to let Sam proceed at her own pace.
With a deep quivering breath, Sam announced "I'm pregnant." The statement, made so abruptly with little emotion startled Janet.
"Well" Sam challenged "aren't you going to say something? Like how stupid am I? How I should have known better? How could I do something so dumb?" Sam paused to catch her breath, looking at Janet.
Janet just shook her head, "I think you've already said those things enough. Come here." She held her arms out, inviting Sam into a hug which she gratefully accepted. For a while, the only sounds in the room were Sam's sobs, and Janet's gentle, nonsense words of comfort.
The clocked ticked and time passed. Eventually Sam sat back, wiping her eyes. She rose, walking into the bathroom to wash her face. Then, she returned to the living room to deal with Janet.
"What am I going to do?" Sam sighed as she began twisting the life out of the Kleenex she still held in her hand.
Janet paused, and then decided that asking the obvious was the way to go. "Well, have you told the father yet?" Janet waited, thinking how thrilled Jack would be to have a second chance at fatherhood.
"No, I can't tell him." Sam sighed softy.
"Why?" Janet pressed. How could Sam not be going to tell him?
"It's my problem. I'll solve it." Sam stated coolly.
"Sam, that's not fair. He has a right to know that he helped bring a baby into this relationship." Janet argued.
"No, the mistake was mine. I should have been more careful. I was banking on the medical tests saying I couldn't get pregnant. I told him I'd taken care of the birth control. He believed me." Softly Sam began to cry again. "How can there be any tears left? I feel like I've done nothing but cry since I found out."
"Sam, no matter what, he has the right to know. Sam, do I know the father?" Janet asked trying to get the information she needed without asking directly. If she asked directly she would be duty bound to report it.
"Yes, you know him." Sam stated softly.
"So, if you aren't going to tell him, what are you going to do? Sam, if you're thinking of terminating this pregnancy the earlier you do it the better it will be for your health." Janet's heart sank as she thought of Sam aborting this child. If Sam could just get past her panic, the life growing within her might just have a chance; certainly the father would welcome the opportunity to have another child in his life.
"Can you do the procedure?" she whispered, broken hearted.
"I could, but I think you should use a doctor who does them on a regular basis. If I do it for you I'd have to report it and it would be entered on your records." Janet replied with a shake of her head. "Sam, you need to take your time, make sure of what you're doing."
"I know Janet. It's all I've been thinking of since I found out." Sam said, getting up to pace around the room. "It's the right thing, I know it is." Sam stated defiantly. "I've made up my mind. I'm going to end my affair with the baby's father tonight. Tomorrow I'll take care of the problem and life will get back to normal."
"Sam! Stop it, now!" Janet yelled "you are making these decisions in a hurry, you are not thinking clearly. It will make no difference if you wait a week and think it through. You are doing the father a grave injustice by not telling him, and giving him a say in the outcome of the life of his child."
"Thank you, Janet," Sam replied in a cold flat voice, the warmth gone "but my decision has been made."
Janet frowned, "Ok, Sam, if you're absolutely sure I'll give you the name of a good reputable doctor." Finding a pencil and pad of paper, Janet wrote down the name and phone number of a friend of hers. Dr. Brown would do a good, safe procedure if necessary but he believed very deeply in counseling the woman who came to him for abortions, maybe this would give Sam another opportunity to consider her actions.
Slowly Janet stood up, gathering her coat and purse up for the return trip home. She knew that she had been dismissed from Sam's decision making process. Sam showed her to the door, giving her a perfunctory hug, before firmly closing it behind her.
In contrast to the trip to Sam's, Janet took the long way home, broken hearted for her friends and the unborn child. In her mind, Janet allowed her self to think of the pain this decision was going to create. Jack was going to lose his relationship with Sam tonight without knowing why. If Janet had to guess, the news would be delivered with the same cold flat tones that Janet had been dismissed with.
What would Jack do? How would he react if Sam decides to tell him the reason for ending the relationship? Once again, there would be nothing he could do to protect a child of his from dying before it had a real chance at life. Somehow, Janet doubted that Jack would be able to recover from the loss of a second child, even with all the support his friends would offer him. And Sam, Janet thought, Sam was going to need a tremendous amount of emotional support considering her loss of both the child and its father, even though it was her decisions that led to the loss.
Eventually, Janet reached home. She parked her car, entering the house through the side door, into the light and warmth of her home, and the welcoming hug of her daughter. Cassie looked up as her mom entered the house tears sliding down her face; she rose quickly offering her mom a hug.
"Mom? What's happened? Is Sam ok?" Cassie asked fearfully. All of SG-1 was considered family and if something was wrong with one of them, it hurt them all.
Janet took a deep breath "Yes, honey, Sam is ok. She had a very important decision to make and wanted to talk it over with me. We discussed it, and she was able to make a decision."
Cassie studied her mom's face "Can you tell me what it was?"
"No, Cassie I can't. It is a very private decision, not one for general discussion." Janet gentled squeezed Cassie's shoulder. "Come on hon, let's sit down together, and watch some TV."
Later that night, Cassie lay broken hearted in her bed, tears sliding down her face. Although her mom would not tell her what had happened, except to say that all of Cassie's extended family was ok; Cassie continued to worry over Sam. What could have happened that her mom would come home in tears and not be able to discuss it with her?
*** Sam's House that Night ***
Jack arrived on time at Sam's front door, in answer to a summons he'd received by phone earlier in the evening. Sam had sounded odd, cold even, and he had worried over it in the intervening hours. The door was opened before he could knock, and he stepped into the front hall, leaning forward to give Sam a kiss, only to have her turn and walk away from him.
Sam entered her living room, knowing that Jack would follow her. Slowly she turned towards him, and said "We're done, Jack it's all over."
Jack closed his eyes, the pain in his broken heart overwhelming him. "Why," he asked "what have I done wrong?"
"Nothing, it's just that I've been doing a lot of thinking and you were right. Remember that conversation we had just before we started sleeping together? You know, the one where we talked about all the reasons this affair should not be started?" Sam asked, deliberately making the affair sound dirty and unworthy.
"Yes, of course I remember it." Jack responded, his voice giving up the hurt he was feeling.
"Well, you were right. My attraction to you was just a passing fancy. Our age difference and lack of common interests are just too large to ignore. I want more than you can give me." Sam declared flatly with no regard for Jack's feelings.
Jack stood still, aware that in the space of twenty minutes his whole world had come crashing down around his ears. He stared at his lover, frightened, as his heart simply stopped beating. How could she be doing this to him, not even giving him a chance?
The truth hurt he supposed, for all she said was true and should not have come as a surprise. He was too old for her, at the end of his career; certainly not a great candidate for a lover or a husband.
"Sam, please what has brought this on? How can we go from a happy couple two days ago to this?" Jack pleaded with Sam.
Coldly Sam looked at Jack. "Happy? I guess you might have been happy, but I wasn't. I knew months ago that this wasn't what I wanted; I just hadn't decided to end the relationship yet. Now I have."
Jack let his gaze wonder about the house, trying to come up with a reasonable argument to give her, yet nothing came to mind. It was over. Yet again he had somehow screwed up the best thing in his life. He took a deep breath and walked toward the front door knocking a pad of paper to the floor. As he bent to pick it, he absently read the information written on the page.
The next morning Sam walked out of her house, to face the future alone. So many broken hearts created by a single decision.
Continued in "Mended Hearts" part 2