A/N: Right.  Let me just re-stress that I don't own anyone except Scin.  I'd love to own Snape, but it's just not going to happen, now is it? 

Also, Maria Donovan makes a cameo appearance, and she belongs to Le Masque!

~~~~~

Date: 20th September (wow, time flies when you're having fun, hey?)

Mood: Plotting…plot plot plot….

Got bored today, and did a bit of an analysis of my subjects and teachers…

Potions (start with the obvious, shall we?): Snapeykins.  Slimy, derogatory, over opinionated, EVIL git.  Old and greasy, too.  I don't think much elaboration is required here.

Astronomy: Sinistra.  Very stately, intelligent woman, reminds me of mum...maybe that's why I feel like I'm conversing with a piece of frosted glass when I'm talking to her.  Why is she the head of Ravenclaw?  Why?!  She has about as much ability to relate to her students as a cinderblock.

Transfiguration: McGonagall. Why did I even take this subject? Will I ever need to transfigure a three-headed monkey kept as a mascot by the ancient wizards of the Amazon whom I will be doing an article on?  Not unless I'm testing to see how much antagonizing the aforementioned tribes will take before they turn me into a three headed monkey.

Ancient Runes: Let's just say it's kinda dull… I'm not going to mention our teacher for his own safety, after pulling that test of us last week he's gone into the witness protection program.

Arithmency: Professor Vector.  He's a lunatic. Never assume any teacher who works with numbers is dull.  In actual fact, my theory it does something to their brains…he writes the date on the board in algebra charms…a/n – my maths teacher DID write the date in algebra in year nine. Made it hell for the rest of us…  Doesn't stop this from being my least favourite subject.  No, potions is not my least favourite.  The teacher however…(DIE SNAPE, DIE!)

Charms: Flitwick.  THANK YOU PROFESSOR FLITWICK! Without your inadvertent intervention, half of my little experiments on Batty and Prince Malfoy Jnr would never have been possible!

Well, I know it's not much of an update, but I have been neglecting my diary of late and have decided to write in it, no matter how inane the content.  However, I must add that I can feel a burst of mayhem coming up.  Prince Draco has gotten off far, far too lightly this year…

Date: 21st September.

Mood: Very, very vindictive and very, very angry.

Staged my little thank you present for Draco today.  Didn't exactly go to plan.

The original idea was that I could pull the most horrid pranks on Prince Obnoxious without any form of retaliation, simply because that would disprove his little theory of my infatuation.  Suck on that, Kiddo.

Actually, that was pretty much the general idea…

I planned this yesterday whilst writing my lovely analysis of my subjects, when a fond memory of broom stick lessons from first year popped up…through the twisting layers of thought I arrived at watching a Quidditch Practice where Weasley the Younger took a shot at Prince Obnoxious.  Failed miserably, ended up regurgitating slugs, and lots of them.

This led me to wonder – how did so many slugs get into such a scrawny guy?  Well, Draco is scrawny, for sure, so I thought I'd answer my question.  Unfortunately, I needed another party to help me execute this plot.  You see, it's simply enough to send something flying at someone, but to direct them exactly into their mouth the victim- ah, subject needs to be stationary.

That's where Maria comes in.  Maria Donovan, fourth year Gryffindor with just as deep a hatred for Sevvykins as myself, and just a little regard for the rules regarding respect for teachers.  Or, in our case, Teacher.  So, I guessed she wouldn't mind providing a distraction so I could hex Draco.  I guessed right! J

So, in the crowded corridor of morning break, Maria comes hurtling along the corridor at breakneck speed at the signal from yours truly, careening straight into the Blonde Brat.  Problem number one.  Yes, it rendered him stationary as he fell back into a wall, but it also rendered my accomplice slightly dazed as she, also, ran into a wall, the difference being she went head first.

Feeling guilty about now, but the show must go on!

So, whilst Draco was still leaning, winded, against the corridor wall, I whipped out my wand and hexed our ammunition straight at his mouth.  Slugs was such a cliché, we decided, so the 'ammunition' was frogs from the lake's edge.  Big ones that had been sitting in my bag half the day.

Yes, the frogs hit their mark.

Yes, Draco doubled over, gagging.

Yes, it was hilariously funny to watch some great, green appendage spew from Draco's fat gob.

And, yes – Snape was standing directly behind me.

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?! WHY DOES THAT ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?!

So, in conclusion, Maria is now is the hospital wing with a concussion and a success story that puts her feet on the road towards professional pranking in the upper grades, and I am currently sitting behind the cauldron I'm meant to be cleaning for my detention – the first of fourteen – watching the flobberworm gore drip sluggishly off the sides.

Mmmm, how appetizing.

Snape – you're going DOWN!