A/N & Disclaimer (again): Just a bit of pre-story information… some of the more 'muggle tricks' in the coming chapters do, in fact, work.  Also, just thought I'd remind the authorities….-glareglareglare @ Draco- that I don't own any of the characters belong to J.K Rowling, and I don't own Maria Donovan.  She's Le Masque's, so go and read her stories too!

Draco:  Better.  Don't neglect the disclaimer in future.  I detest the thought of belonging to you…

'Lex (AKA Shinosenshi): Shove off. (Get back into your nanowave, you unnatural being! XD flitz! Speaking of Skitxo Flitzo – I KNOW YOU READ THIS! REVIEW ME!  I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE YOU DRACO FANCIER!) 

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Date: No sodding clue. I've regressed… I did remember the date for a few days!! I did!

Mood: Ouch.

It is my self proclaimed duty to disrupt the every day life of Severus Slimy-Bat Snape at every possible opportunity.  And at every other spare moment, irritate Draco 'Frog Eater' Malfoy to the best of my ability.

I do so solemnly swear…

First task, instead of keeping the students guessing as to whether or not he really did murder that first grader for back chatting, assure them that he did!  (NB: he did not, I thought it too risky to start the rumor myself, so I asked Maria to ah...spread it around…She rose to the occasion marvelously, all the first years, most of the second years, third years and fourth years all believed totally he did kill someone.  The sixth and seventh years considered it, understanding it was probable.)

This took a little planning, actually.  I'm not used to that anymore, although it is good for me to get back into organized crime like pranks.  Without the illegal part…yeah… Anyway, I decided the best way to go about this would be to plant magically made body parts throughout the Potions classroom over perhaps a week… although how I could stop Him finding them before the students was a matter which took a little more of my careful (snork!) consideration. 

Eventually, I decided with a wince or two that I'd have to plant them just before class, in the storage cupboard.  I knew it was risky, since it was very likely Snape would walk in just as I slipped the fake hand (bought from the Weasley Twins! Two more cool Gryffindors to my three person list!) into the spare cauldron Justin Flinch-Fletchy has used since Hannah melted his last one. To heighten the risk further, I decided to do it just before my own class, which was a sure spell for disaster.  But I so badly wanted to see this.

…Anyway, The hand went into the spare cauldron.  The left leg (foot included for no extra cost!) found its new and hopefully temporary home in the storage cupboard…and I secreted an ear behind the jars of bubotober puss, which I knew we'd be working with today.  This was, in a way, self harm, since I intended to find the ear myself and somehow injure myself in 'shock', therefore getting myself sent to the hospital wing.  My grand finale went into the tiny desk drawer where he keeps the out of class slips for hospital wing visitors.  See how much I thought about this?  I'm going to such lengths I'm even willing to injure myself!

Then I sneak outside again, just in time to see Padma Patil round the corner.

"Scin…?" She asked me, sounding either wary, confused, or both.

I grinned wickedly, "Promise me you'll scream?" I never, ever give straightforward answers, but very obligingly, Padma nodded, if a little shakily.

Brilliant.  At least one assured reaction.  I waited for everyone to arrive with bated breath, and a slightly ill feeling in the depths of my stomach.  This was the first time I knew I was giving myself away fro certain.   Of course, he wouldn't suspect me until the Grand Finale, but when he did… well, I'll get to that.

The Bat came stalking down the hallways, black cloak billowing behind him.  As much as I detest the man, I must admit he does know how to get the whole evil git image going.  I made sure to look as simply exhausted as possible, so as not to arouse suspicion as I slipped innocently into my assigned front row seat.  I even managed a slight cringe at the sneer he shot me upon calling my name – professional pranking makes a wonderful actor out of one, that's for sure!

Then, he told us to fetch our ingredients for today's poison… Of course, I was the first to reach the shelf and, stealing myself, reached out and pulled the first jar of puss away.  I was naturally prepared for the sight of the slightly rotted ear sitting on the shelf, but managed to let out a shriek loud enough to cause Justin to drop his cauldron…

Brilliant.  The hand tumbled out as I staggered backwards in 'shock', tripping purposefully over a chair leg, and Padma screamed, possibly of her own free will.  I hit the floor hard enough to see stars for a moment or two, before seeing people surging away from the hand that trembled like old jelly on the floor about two centimeters to my left…

Then whoever was in the middle of opening the storage cabinet screamed.

That was enough for Snape, he leapt up from his chair where he had been glued in absolute astonishment at the situation unfolding and stormed over to me, "You! Miss Cantus, Hospital Wing!" He dragged me up by the back of my collar and pushed me towards his desk.  "If I ever find out you did this…" He hissed into my ear, and I actually shuddered at the venom of his tone, and the knowledge that in about two seconds…

Drawer open.

Two, bloodied eyeballs rolling on the floor.

Me, running.

Why did I run?!  WHY THE SODDING HELL DID I RUN?! Natural instinct, I guess, when that look of murderous rage dawns on the face of Severus Snape.

The next thing I knew, I was sitting in the hospital wing, batty looming over me like…uhm, well like a bat actually.  Keep in mind that I'm all of 5'3, very slight build and sitting down.  Whereas he is about six foot, and very loom-y.  And smirking.  I could feel doom creeping up on me…

"I hope you enjoyed that, Miss Cantus," He sneered.  That's all he does, you know.  Loom, glare, glide, stalk, smirk and sneer.  Broken record, so predictable. "It's a pity it didn't quite go to plan, though, isn't it?"

And here is where I sign the death warrant by opening my big mouth – "Actually, it did Professor! Except the running bit, I don't know what came over me!"  He looked as stunned as I felt.  Apparently, I didn't ever know what came over me if I was stupid enough to say that. His state of surprise didn't last, unfortunately.

"So you did plan it?  Oh good, I'm going to enjoy outlining this to the Headmaster." Sneer.  Sneer Sneer Sneer Sneer Sneer Sneer. "And he was so convinced you'd be more like your mother…such a pity…"  And then he swept out.  Or glided.  Growl, off to see the head about my 'abysmal' behavior.  He has to get through Sinistra first, so maybe I have some time to suck up before then…-shudder-

Oh well, the prank did go well. About 85% of the school now think Severus Snape murdered a First Year, Slytherins included.  Which is a plus.  But there is something I need to find out in the very near future.

How did I get from the dungeon corridor to the Hospital Wing with no memory of an in between?