Hearts Series Chapter 3: Soaring Hearts, a stargate: sg-1 fanfic

Title: Soaring Hearts

Author: fulinn28

E-mail: fulinn28@ficwithfins.com

Website: www.ficwithfins.com

Rating: PG

Pairings: Sam and Jack

Category: Angst and ship

Season: AU

Content Warnings: Contemplation of abortion. No Details.

Summary: Sam's decisions leave a trail of broken hearts.

Spoilers: "A Hundred Days", "Solitudes" and "Children of the Gods", "Matter of Time" and "Cold Lazarus"

Status: part 3 of 3

Sequel / Series: "Broken Hearts", "Mended Hearts" and "Soaring Hearts"

Size:

Disclaimer: "All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author."

Authors Notes: All feedback is welcome and will be answered. Thank you to Su Freund, the best beta I could ask for, this story is so much better for her efforts and suggestions. All remaining errors are mine and mine alone.

Chapter 3 Soaring Hearts

*** Flight to MSP ***

Jack slept most of the flight time away, emotionally exhausted from dealing with Sam's pregnancy. He awoke as the pilot announced their landing was less than 15 min away, feeling nowhere near as rested as he expected. Clearing the arrivals gate he headed for the car rental area, selecting a large SUV for its comfort and versatility.

The trip to his cabin was another three hours drive after the plane ride; luckily, this time of year it stayed light late. After a stop for gas and groceries, he headed up the winding dirt road to his cabin beside Lake Rose. This cabin, built by his great grandfather, and handed down through the family, was his refuge. He had come up here after his imprisonment in Iraq, Charlie's death, and signing his divorce papers. This place, with its peaceful lake and acres of wilderness, allowed him to vent his emotions without witness. There was no need to be the commander, the man everyone looked to for the answers. Here he was just Jack O'Neill, a simple man.

Opening up the cabin was relatively easy, just prime the water pump and start up the generator. The cooler would keep the cold food fresh until the refrigerator was cold enough to use. He grabbed his beer and headed down to the dock, which reached out into the lake, checking that his row boat was still bobbing securely tethered to the cleats.

He grabbed the lawn chair that was hidden inside the boat, and placed it carefully on the end of the dock. Slowly he leaned back, closing his eyes behind his dark glasses, and sat silently listening to the water lap at the dock and the loons as they called to one and another.

"How could she kill our child?" he murmured to himself "I know that we may share different ideas on the right to life thing, but it's a baby for cryin' out loud! If only she'd looked at those pictures in the doctor's office like I did, she'd know that the little collection of cells was already looking like a human child, our child, his head, arms and legs all there to be seen, if someone would just look."

"Will the baby feel any pain during the abortion?" Jack wondered "will he know that, for some reason, his mother did not want it?"

Jack sighed; the baby would certainly know that its mother had rejected him, but he would never know just how much his father had wanted him.

The sun was finally starting to set as Jack rose and headed up to the cabin, the beer in his hand hardly touched and too warm to drink. As Jack entered, he could hear his cell phone ringing. Reaching for his jacket he checked the caller ID and, recognizing Sam's home number, he deliberately shut it off. There was nothing left to say. He had said all he could to convince her that other alternatives existed but, ultimately, it was her choice.

He made himself a simple dinner and settled down in front of the fireplace, dreaming of the life he'd wanted so badly, a wife and family.

*** Colorado Springs ***

Sam checked her cell phone once more to see if Jack had returned any of her calls yet. She had been leaving him messages both on his home answering machine and his cell phone ever since she'd finally stopped her headlong flight into panic and considered all her options.

Yes, it was true that the baby was not coming at a convenient time, but then again, when exactly in this crazy life she led was there ever going to be a right time? Then there was the fact that she had the most wonderful man in world in her life. Over the last few years he had stood by her through some truly awful things, his support and loyalty never wavering for an instant. Now, in this last year, those feelings had been allowed to flourish into both an emotional and a physical relationship, one which had now created a child that belonged to them both.

Sam shook her head, as she turned on to Jack's street. What had she been thinking? She had deliberately pushed him away, as hard and cruelly as she could. As only she would be able to, knowing him as well as she did, knowing the things that he worried over in relation to their affair. Well now was the time to fix that, to put it right. He would surely understand her sense of failure. She had been the one assuring him not to worry about the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy. She was on birth control and her medical tests had indicated that she was, in all likelihood, infertile.

"Well," Sam thought with a shrug "we sure proved that one wrong, I'm as fertile as can be and, apparently, birth control pills are useless for me."

Turning into Jack's driveway, Sam looked around, noticing that his truck was gone. It always sat in the driveway, as it was too tight a fit in the garage. Sam looked down at her watch; she'd been trying to reach him all afternoon by phone, where could he be?

Thoughtfully, Sam exited her car, looking through all of the keys on her key ring for the one that would fit his front door. She paused looking at the ordinary key, remembering how pleased she'd been the day he gave to her. "Just so you can drop by, no need to call or knock, after all you're the only lady in my life." Jack had assured her.

Even with his truck gone, she knocked, not sure if that invitation to stop by anytime still held true. Receiving no answer, she unlocked the door and let herself in. The house was cold and silent, no sign of life anywhere. Walking into the kitchen, a beer can on the counter top caught her attention. She picked it up, noting that it was warm and mostly full. Then, she noticed the blood on the floor and the haphazard look of the counter, a feeling of cold dread settled in her stomach.

Sam understood that it had been a hard week on everyone. All of her friends had demonstrated an enormous amount of understanding and support for her. However, it had perhaps been hardest on Jack. Had he been given that same level of support? He had probably gotten next to none, considering she had never acknowledged him as the father, although everyone probably assumed it. In fact, for the most part, she had been quite vindictive towards him.

As she moved from room to room, her worry began multiplying in direct proportion to the length of time since she'd last seen him. He wasn't upset enough by this to do something stupid was he? Retire to some off-world planet, volunteer for a firing squad, or… oh god, he wouldn't try to take his own life would he? He had descended to the black dark place in his heart once before, had been broken by the loss of his child, and here he thought it was going to happen again. Sam became consumed by the need to find him, to know that he was safe.

After exploring the house and finding nothing, she called Daniel, Janet and, finally, General Hammond. None of them had heard from Jack in the last couple of days, except for the General who had granted him two weeks leave. However, Jack had not mentioned leaving the area.

*** Jack's Cabin ***

As the sun came up over the lake, Jake woke up, his body full of aches and pains from a night spent on the couch. He lay there rubbing his forehead, a sure sign of a headache, and sighed, feeling an irrational anger bubbling up to the surface. How dare she do this to him! She had stolen all his control, as surely as if she had put him in a prison cell. Sam. Sam was supposed to have been the one person in his life who loved him! Who would protect him, stand beside him to face all the crap life can throw at you. And what happens? She's the cause for one of the worse things to ever happen to him, the loss of another child.

Jack stood abruptly, heading into a small den off the living room. Although he'd been hiking in these mountains his entire life, he took nothing for granted and always took emergency supplies with him into the wilderness. He began filling his pack, checking that the emergency blanket, rations and water were all carefully stowed inside. He picked up the photos from the drug store of the baby, placing them in his shirt pocket; he had special plans for them.

He stalked, with long strides, across the living room, heading for the front door. As he approached the door his cell phone caught his eye. Screw'em, he thought nobody gave a damn about him. He was just good for cleaning up the mess. Whenever a crisis arose, who did they all come to for help, from Daniel on up to the Supreme Commander of the Asgard fleet? Him, that's who, but when his life took a nose dive and started to crumble around him, where were they? Nowhere in sight that's for sure!

He started his hike by heading north to where a good sized stream emptied into the lake. Once he reached the juncture, he paused to eat a granola bar, and take a long pull of water from his canteen.

Heading upstream, Jack continued to hike for another two hours, heading for a place that only one other person had ever seen with him, Charlie. It had always been their secret place; it had a waterfall and a quiet pool just full of fish. Despite what his team thought of him, he was a perfectly capable fisherman. The lake and streams around his cabin were full of yellow perch, pike and sunfish. Since he didn't need all the fish he caught, he threw the majority of them back into the lake. After all, it was the act of fishing that he enjoyed not catching the fish themselves. His team could never be bothered to accept his invitations to join him here at his cabin, his refuge that he had so generously tried to share with them, the only family he had left. The only one who had ever accepted the invitation had been Teal'c, who had not enjoyed his only foray into the great American wilderness.

*** Jack's House ***

As the morning dawned, the friends gathered in Jack's living room, all of them concerned for their friend's state of mind. They searched throughout the house for some hint of where he might be. Jack had now been missing for over twenty four hours. They checked all of the surrounding areas or places that they could think of, with no luck.

Mid morning found, the friends once more at Jack's home. Sam called the General reporting their failure to find Jack. General Hammond informed Sam that he had called the Minnesota State Patrol to request they check Jack's cabin for any sign that he was there. The patrol could not guarantee when they'd be able to get out there, they would try to do so today. The General assured the team that he would call as soon as he heard anything. By late afternoon there was still no word and the General joined SG-1 at Jack's for a planning session and early dinner.

The General's cell phone rang while the group was trying to eat their Chinese takeout meal. They all stared at the General as he took the call, nodding his head and thanking the caller for their help. Disconnecting from the call, the General turned to the waiting team and sadly shook his head. Jack's truck had not been at the cabin and the front door had been locked. The patrolman had left a note requesting Jack to contact either the MN State Patrol or General Hammond. Another dead end; Jack O'Neill had disappeared.

Sam sat in the armchair in his living room, her eyes full of tears as she thought of him, alone and depressed, thinking that there was no one who cared about him. Subconsciously she had been holding her stomach protectively, realizing somewhere in the back of her mind that a small piece of Jack O'Neill was alive and well, and growing inside her.

The silent friends sat in the living room, wondering what to do next. It was the youngest member of the group who suddenly got up and ran into the kitchen. Janet got up to follow her daughter, thinking that all of the stress between learning of Sam's pregnancy, and now Jack's disappearance, had simply overwhelmed her. Instead, Janet found Cassie with the phone in her hand, dialing *69 which would redial the last number called. This call would have been made by Jack, since all of the team members had been using their cell phones.

Janet watched as Cassie began speaking to someone, asking them if they'd seen a Col. O'Neill, only to see her getting annoyed with the answers she was getting. Finally Cassie asked the person on the other end to hold for just a moment and asked her mom to get General Hammond. Immediately Janet called for the General to join them. As he did, the rest of the team trailed in behind him. Cassie handed the phone to the General explaining what she had done in redialing the phone. She informed the General that she had reached the departure desk at Peterson AFB but could get no further information.

Immediately the General took over the call, speaking with the airman on duty, he quickly checked his records for an outbound flight with one Col. Jack O'Neill on board. Within moments the answer came back; Jack had been on a flight to MSP early yesterday afternoon. The flight had landed on time, without incident. The General thanked him and hung up, a grin on his face. They had a starting place. Each of Jack's friends quickly got on their cell phones looking up phone numbers for the car rental agencies at MSP, finally reaching Hertz to find that yes, Col. O'Neill had picked up his rental SUV right on time, and the vehicle was due back in ten days.

The next flight to MSP was early tomorrow morning and Sam had every intention of being on board. She was the one who had hurt him deeply, so she was the one who had to make amends.

Everyone chose to remain at Jack's that night feeling closer to him than if they had headed home. Only the General chose to go home, leaving strict instructions for Sam to contact him the moment she had any information to offer.

The house finally settled down, as everyone found a place to sleep. By silent decision, Sam was left with the master bedroom. As she lay in the dark, unable to sleep in this bed alone, a soft tapping was heard at the door. "Come in" she responded curious to know who was still up.

Carefully from around the partially open door, Daniel poked his head in "Sam, gotta minute?" he inquired.

"Sure, Daniel come on in." Sam responded to his quite request.

Hesitantly, Daniel entered the room. Taking a seat on the bed, he pushed his glasses up onto his nose. "Sam, I think I should go with you to find Jack." Sam immediately sat up voicing her doubts "No Daniel this problem is between Jack and I and needs to solved only between us." She stated firmly.

"I understand that, Sam, I do. However, let's acknowledge the facts here. We both know that Jack threatened his own life after the loss of Charlie. As far as he knows, you have decided that he's not going to get a chance with this child either. I hope with all my heart that I'm wrong, but there's a chance you won't like what you find up at the cabin. I think you'll need to have someone along with you, just in case. If I'm wrong, and he's ok, then we back off and let you settle up with him. If I'm right, then we'll be there to help you."

Sam had to admit that Daniel's argument made sense, all but one small detail. "Uh, Daniel, I know you tried to slip this in without me noticing, but it didn't work. Somehow it changed from just you to you and someone coming with me. Who else thinks they should come with us?" Sam asked concerned about who else might see Jack at this low point in his life.

"Just Janet, Sam, we think it would be wise to have a doctor along with us, someone who knows Jack's history and is very discreet." Daniel paused trying to gauge Sam's response.

"Fine, I can see the logic. Be ready at 0500. There's no way I'm missing this flight!" Sam stated with a firm, no nonsense tone of voice.

"Sam, take heart. I know it wasn't an easy journey for you to get to this point, but I think you're doing the right thing. You and Jack, you belong together." Daniels heartfelt confession almost brought Sam to tears again.

"Thank you, Daniel. You don't know how much your support and understanding means to me. I know I haven't been the easiest person to be around lately, but it'll get better, I'm sure of it." Sam's sad smile touched Daniel and he gave her a gentle hug before heading back to tell Janet they would be accompanying Sam in the morning. Cassie would be staying with friends, despite her arguments that she wanted to accompany the adults to Jacks cabin.

*** The Waterfall ***

Jack arrived at the Waterfall late in the afternoon, feeling pleasantly tired from the three hour hike. When he and Charlie had come up here together, he had had to carry him for a good portion of the hike until he had grown strong enough to walk the whole way.

He sat beside the pool of water, staring in to its depths. Although he was still quite angry with his team, the hike had afforded him time to understand that they had really meant him no harm. His heart ached as though broken, for he had not only lost his child but Sam as well. He had misread the whole affair. To him it had been the start of a life long love affair, but for her it had just been a passing moment in her young life. She clearly desired no ties to him. Jack sighed, having learned long ago to pack away his pain and live with the things he could not change. Opening his day pack, he pulled out a stack of pictures from the doctor's CD, and sat in the warm sunlight studying the photos.

After a time, he looked up into the sky, clearing his throat he began to speak.

"Hey, Charlie its dad, I know it's been a while since I had the time to hike up here and chat with you, but something has come up. I really need your help. You see, another child of mine has probably died today or maybe tomorrow. I'm hoping, if you and I go over these pictures of him, maybe somehow you'll recognize him and can kinda help take care of him. I know it's a lot to ask of you, but this little one has no one to watch over him and that's what big brothers are for, to show younger brothers or maybe a sister, the ropes."

Silence fell as Jack stopped speaking, and vowed to himself this would be the last time that he cried for this lost child of his. In his heart, he believed that Charlie would be there to watch over his sibling. The breeze picked up, causing the pool to ripple in the sunlight, as Jack painstakingly went over each picture, carefully outlining each feature of the infant in the photos he held so tenderly in his hands. Time slipped passed Jack as he became lost in the past, mixing up in his mind the joys of Charlie's birth and the pictures of this as yet unborn child.

Eventually, he came back to himself, recognizing that it was much too late to start back to the cabin. Jack gathered a supply of wood, lighting a fire to heat a purloined MRE from his day pack.

Jack finished his meal, meticulously picking up his trash. He tucked the photos away in his shirt pocket, close to his heart. Stretching out his long frame on the ground beside his campfire, his emergency blanket covering him, he dropped into a deep comforted sleep.

*** Flight to MSP ***

Morning found the friends gathered together once more at the departure lounge of Peterson AFB waiting for their hop to MSP. Sam had continued calling Jack's cell phone, getting no answer, and leaving messages. This message would be the last as she had filled his voice mail with messages begging him to call her or, if not her, than any of their friends. No one had heard a thing.

Their flight was called and the four friends boarded, hoping for a pleasant outcome, but preparing for the worst. Upon arriving at the MSP they quickly secured a rental car and headed north. They had included Teal'c at the last minute, when he had pointed out to them that he was the only one who knew where the Colonel's cabin was. Although Lake Rose would be fairly easy to find, the cabin itself was very secluded. Three hours later they were turning onto a winding dirt road.

*** Jack's Cabin ***

Through a break in the trees, a cabin came into view, setting back from the waters edge, surrounded by lawn and tall trees. The porch sported a swing and a couple of rocking chairs. Picture windows fronted out for a lakeside view. They parked in front of a small shed, looking around. Sam's heart sank; Jack's truck was no where in sight.

As they approached the front door, they saw a post-it note stuck to a pane of glass; the note requested one Jack O'Neill to contact the MN State Patrol or a General Hammond USAF. So, apparently, Jack had not been here since the patrolman had done a check late yesterday.

"Come on Jack" Sam pleaded silently, "Where are you?"

"Now what" Daniel asked looking around at the small group. Each shook their heads in dismay.

"Colonel O'Neill is here." Their Jaffa friend stated. All of his friends turned to look at him.

"How's that Teal'c?" Sam asked, confused by his statement when everything pointed to just the opposite.

"His truck is indeed here, it is parked behind the out building in a small garage." Teal'c looked pleased with himself at the discovery.

"Ok, then." Sam declared "we need to gain entrance into the house."

With that statement, Teal'c strode past his teammates up the porch steps stopping at the front door. He turned the door handle once and found it locked. Taking a couple of steps back, he kicked the door once near the handle breaking the door jam, allowing the door to swing open. "I believe we have gained entrance to the house" Teal'c stated without any change to his usual calm demeanor.

Hesitantly, the team entered the front door, noting Jack's cell phone lying on the table by the front door. "Well," Daniel observed "guess that explains why Jack didn't answer his phone; its lying here on a table. Question is, where's Jack?"

Slowly, they drifted through the house checking to be sure that Jack was not lying somewhere, hurt or worse. As Sam entered the kitchen, she noticed a beer can on the counter and remembered one just like it back in Colorado Springs, warm and essentially untouched.

*** Jack Waterfall ***

Jack woke, as the sun finally got high enough to shine into his little protected glen. He rose stiffly; he was way too old to be sleeping on the ground, out in the open with basically no gear. Carefully, he stretched out his muscles, gently twisting from side to side. Finally, feeling loose enough to really move, he double checked that the fire was safely out, no glowing coals that could re-ignite. Policing the area, and finding that he had left nothing behind, he began his long walk back to the cabin.

Although Jack felt more at peace with himself, he still was no closer to finding a solution for what his next step should be. He did not feel that he could continue to work as Sam's commanding officer, so he would need to transfer away from SG-1. Once again, he would be without a family or friends. He'd stay here at his cabin until his leave was up, then it would be time to sit down with General Hammond and reach an understanding. Perhaps, the Asgard would like a full time ambassador or maybe the Alpha site was ready for a full time commander. In the mean time, he'd spend his time here, recovering from the grief for this lost soul and for the end of his dream of having a wife and family again.

He walked on through the forest putting one foot in front of the other until he finally approached his destination. Looking up at the cabin, he thought how nice a hot shower would feel after yesterday and today, when he spied an unexpected car parked in front. Slowing his step, he melted into the tree line, studying the situation. Eventually he was able to reach the side of the house, sliding around in front of the porch and noting the broken front door. Thieves were not unheard of out here, in the more isolated areas of the lake, so he approached with great caution. Silently, he entered the house and, seeing movement in the kitchen, paused. Bit by bit the person in his kitchen turned towards him, he recognized the blonde hair and shimmering blue eyes immediately.

Sam shivered, the hair on the back of her neck standing up as she gradually turned around facing the front door, and Jack O'Neill.

"Hey" Sam said softly to him. She watched him closely, noting that as casually as he leaned against the damaged door jam; he gave off dangerous 'Stay away from me' vibes.

What nerve! That she could come out here to his cabin, now after all his invitations. Why? Did she want to gloat, turn the knife just a little bit more! Well no way was he going to let her destroy the last good thing he had, his cabin refuge. He stared at her through his dark glasses, saying nothing. Angry with him self that her one word greeting could still make his heart beat just that little bit faster.

He straightened up and, glaring at her from behind his dark glasses, shouting at her "Get the hell out of my house! I'll send ya the bill for the front door."

"Jack, thank god you're ok!" Sam breathed out her sense of relief at seeing him safe and sound. "Please just let me explain."

"Explain?" Jack asked incredulously "You and I have said everything there is to say. I took care of the expenses for your little 'Operation' and I've got nothing left to say to you." His breathing was shallow and too fast, "Go home Major, you don't need to be concerned with me. I've still got some leave and then I'll get a new assignment, leave you to your peaceful life." With that last statement all but spat out at her, Jack turned on his heels and left, almost running in his haste to get away from her.

Sam stood in the kitchen doorway, stunned by his outburst. She heard someone clear their throat from the direction of the bedrooms.

"Em, guess we found him huh?" Daniel inquired with a slight smirk. "Sam, you didn't really think he'd just open his arms and take you back did you?"

Big blue eyes blinked in confusion as Sam thought to herself "how stupid can I be? That's exactly what I thought he'd do what I wanted him to do."

She turned to see Daniel, Janet and Teal'c all standing in the hall, looking at her with great expectation. "Well, I guess it's up to me, huh?" She turned to Daniel, tossing him the car keys "In case I don't survive my next meeting with Jack O'Neill." she said ruefully.

Sam walked out on to the porch, looking around for where Jack might have gone. If, in fact, he didn't want to see her, than this was going to doubly hard, for he could be hiding anywhere and she'd never be able to find him. To her great relief she spied him easily enough sitting on the end of the dock, dangling his feet in the lake.

With some trepidation, she approached; making enough noise that she would not startle him with her appearance. Gently she settled down beside him, almost close enough to touch shoulders.

"So" she said softly looking out over the lake. "I came to find you because I was terrified to be without you, to not know if you were ok." Sam started to explain to the silent stony faced man sitting beside her. "I want to ask one thing of you, and then if you want me to, I'll leave." No response was forthcoming from the man at the end of the dock.

"Back a few days ago, you asked me for one favor. To let you hear the heartbeat of our baby. I did that for you, now I'm asking you for one favor." Sam waited with bated breath; if this didn't work then she didn't know what she'd do, for this was already plan B.

"Fine!" came Jacks terse reply "what?"

"Let me have your hand." Sam requested.

"Why?" Jack replied guardedly.

"Please just trust me, one last time, that's all I'm asking." Pleaded Sam, trying to see Jack's eyes hidden behind his sunglasses.

"Ok, here." and he thrust his left hand at her.

Quickly, before he could change his mind, Sam grasped his hand guiding it under her shirt to rest on her warm stomach.

Jack jerked in response to the feel of her warm silky skin beneath his fingertips. However Sam held fast to his hand "No Jack, leave it there. You see in a few months, you'll be able to feel our child moving within me. If he's anything like his dad, he'll be kicking up a storm and demanding to be let out early!!"

To Sam's disappointment Jack didn't do anything; he didn't move or speak. Sam twisted slightly reaching up to remove his dark glasses. Looking into those dark brown eyes, she was sure that he had heard her.

Jack looked down at the water swirling around the dock, "I don't know if I can just let you back in to my life. You can't just dangle the child in front of me, one day you love him and me and the next you don't." He swallowed past the lump in his throat. "I'm sorry Sam; I just don't know what to do now. I still care for you, but in one day you took everything I loved and crushed it."

"Jack, I was so afraid that I lashed out at the person closest to me. Unfortunately for you, you were that person. I'm so sorry for what I said to you. I knew just what to say to hurt you. Jack, all those things I said, I said them to drive you away. The truth is, I love you more than anyone in my life. I can't imagine trying to raise this child without you. I don't want to. I want you there for 0300 feedings, diaper changes, first day of kindergarten and all the other firsts in his life. Please Jack, even if I've ruined your love for me, please don't tell me that I've destroyed your love for your child."

Jack fell silent, looking out over the lake with an unfocused gaze. Thinking that he was done talking with her for now, Sam attempted to stand and head for the cabin.

"I spent yesterday and last night with Charlie" Jack said, so quietly that it didn't really even qualify as a whisper.

Smoothly, Sam sat back down beside Jack, taking his hand in hers, "Tell me about it." She invited, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"I had a dream," Jack whispered "of you and I walking down this dock, a little boy with his mother's giggle swinging between us."

Gently, Jack let his head come to rest against Sam's entwining their hands and futures together.

End