It was Thursday in the late morning. Jacque was at the library, for the third day. He was checking over the lists of late and returned books. He drowsily hummed over the titles. *...The Shipping News... Romeo & Juliet... Tuck Everlasting... Queer As Folk... A-* He suddenly snapped out of his daze. *Wait a sec...* He looked at the last one again. That word... 'queer'. For some reason, it stuck out to him. And upon remembering the meaning of the word, as it was being used, Jacque was astounded at WHY would it stand out to him?? As he was about to push it out of mind, the stunning revelation hit him like a hurricane. It was as if the entire world had come to a dead halt. "-Holy... FUCK!"
After being let out for the day, Jacque practically raced back home. He didn't want to go back to school for lunch. In fact, he didn't want to go back at all. This was surprising, considering he didn't skip. But he had an excuse alright, he thought. *I'm sick... sick in the HEAD!!* At last, he arrived home. "-Mom?" he called out, as he burst in the door. No answer. He went into the kitchen to see if there was a note. Sure enough, there was a small sheet on the counter. Jacque fumbled it into his hand, to read it. "Went to Nana Irene's for the afternoon. Be back around five. Love Mom." So Lady Lorelei was out. Nearby, the phone answering machine's little light was flashing. The feline pressed the button. "-One new message," the machine played. And then Sir Marco's voice was heard on the recording. "-Hi, you two." Just calling to let you know that we're working late here, and I'll be in a bit later, around five thirty." See you then." The teenager took this information in. His mother wouldn't be back until five. And his father wouldn't be back until five thirty-ish. Perfect. Jacque scrambled up the stairs to his room. Throwing his bag off, he leaned down onto his knees and looked under his bed. He thrust his hand in there, poking around, until he finally felt something. The feline pulled it out. It was a videotape. But not just any tape. It was one that Chislett had given him not too long ago, for his birthday as a joke, really. He'd swiped it from some guy. It was actually a pornographic film. Jacque had howled at this, when Chislett told him, but knowing that his parents would kill him for having something like this, he'd hid it under his bed and forgotten it. And to be honest, 'porno' wasn't something Jacque liked. He thought it was a rather crude and shameful display. But right now, he NEEDED it. Thumping back down with the tape in hand, Jacque went into the living room. Turning on the television, he set up the VCR, and put the video in. Sitting down and picking up the remote, the feline took an uneasy breath. *This is NOT for self-indulgence or pleasure... it's a very important TEST...* he thought. "-Here goes nothing," he gulped, and pressed 'Play'. The first clip was of a female, pretty much feeling herself up, in a rather explicit and disturbing matter. Jacque was appalled. "-Oh my god... WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" he yelled at the TV, as if the subject could hear him. "WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF?!?" HAVE YOU NO SENSE OF SELF-RESPECT WHATSOEVER?!?!" DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY GUYS WATCH AND GET 'OFF' TO YOU?!?" WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!" He picked up the remote. "-This is just sick..." he griped, fast forwarding it to a new clip. When it stopped, the new scene was of a male on female clip. Once again, the display struck the critical feline just as pathetic. "-Oh PLEASE!" he snorted. "Could this be more FAKE??" Oh wait... YES it could!" I wonder how much flab from her ASS went into her BREASTS for this film!" YOU PEOPLE SICKEN ME!" Jacque pressed the fast forward button again. It ended with a female on female scene. Already, he knew what to expect. "-Oh right... THIS again!" But with another person!" OH how ORIGINAL!" Lemme guess... she's gonna touch right there... and she's gonna grab that... they're both gonna moan a little... one's gonna say 'Oooh... you're making me wet!' and the other's gonna say 'Give it me to bitch, and give it to me now!'!" IT'S A WALKING CLICHE YOU PLASTIC BARBIE DOLLS!!!" He slammed his finger on the Stop/Eject button, and threw the remote across the room. Jacque shook his head in utter disgust. What a stupid waste of time... He froze. *Whoa... hold the phone...* All through the film, he had howled about how shameful the females were, but not once... had he said anything about the guy. *...Why not?* He then jumped up, and scrambled around to find the remote. When he had, he pressed the rewind button, until it reached the second clip. Turning it back on and pressing 'Mute', he watched it again, more closely. This time, he purposely didn't look at the female, only at the male. As he stared on, he couldn't find one outburst thing to say about him. But then again, he wasn't even really TRYING to. He slowly pressed the 'Stop' button, and the remote fell from his hand. Jacque was struck dumb, speechless in everyway. He didn't even blink, just gawked wide-eyed until they stung. So there it was. The shit had hit the fan. He now knew the truth. In a hardly audible croak, he squeaked out loud to himself, "-I... am... so... GAY!"
It was around two o'clock. After a walk around two blocks, Jacque stopped at a particular house. He clomped up the steps and paused at the doorway. Gulping hard, he pressed the doorbell. Waiting, he glanced over at the sign below the bell, "Dr.Adam Standing, Psychiatrist". *God save me, if this doesn't help...* The door was finally opened, by an adult male white tiger. Seeing who it was, he gave a kind smile. "-Ah... if it isn't my good friend Marco Celaya's boy Jacque!" What an unexpected pleasure, my lad!" Forcing a smile on his face, for the sake of his father's comrade, Jacque responded, "-Likewise, Mr.Adam." Although I have a feeling 'you' might be taking that back, once I tell you exactly why I'm here." Dr.Standing raised an eyebrow. "-That so?" The young male swallowed, "-See... first off... I do KNOW that you're on... well... 'vacation' and all from work... but... I was kinda wondering if... maybe I could... talk to you about something." The tiger spoke, "-Ah... I see." Not knowing if he had taken it the wrong way or not, Jacque quickly added, "-But if that's a problem, then that's fine, no big deal, or if money is the issue, I brought-" "-Jacque, Jacque, it's alright, calm down!" said Dr.Standing, putting a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Now I know you're a perfectly respectful and well-behaved young man, and that you wouldn't ask me for something like this, if it wasn't IMPORTANT, am I right?" The young lynx/caracal nodded. "-Yes." "Well then... since you're the son of a very close friend of mine, and I think I still owe you a favour for working in my yard this spring, I think I just might able to to help you out here." Come on in."
And so, Jacque basically spilled his guts to the psychiatrist for over half an hour, about certain events from that weekend, things going on all schoolweek, and little things he had started to notice and finally come to realize. "-So there you have it!" The jig is up!" I've gone and stepped out of the closet!" Mark me with a scarlet 'G' and put me in a pride parade already!" Jacque griped. Slowly blinking, and taking in all that the teenager had told him, Dr.Standing finally said, "-Well I must say... that IS quite a breakthrough you've made in the last few hours, now." "-I know," sighed the young feline. "I'm sorry I had to bore you to death with all that." The tiger shook his head. "-No no, it's quite alright, son." That was definitely something you needed to get off your chest." "-Yeah... uhh... by the way, you aren't gonna tell my father are you?" Jacque asked, timidly. "-My dear boy... as a psychiatrist, it's my job not to let anything that is said between me and a patient, leave the room it is told in." Of course I won't." As Jacque started to sigh with relief, Dr.Standing added, "-But YOU should tell him." And your mother." The lynx/caracal flinched. "-I KNEW you were gonna say that..." he sighed. "I will... after I figure exactly HOW to." "-Fair enough," the tiger nodded. Sitting up, the young male turned to the adult. "-I mean... it's not that I'm ashamed of who I am now or anything... it's more of a relief to understand things." But... there is ONE thing that kinda bugs me, now that I think of it." "-Oh?" the psychiatrist inquired. "-You know what's more humiliating than being gay?" "-Hmm?" "-Being a 'stereotypical' gay!" Jacque said. "Honestly, it's embarrassing!" I mean... I AM what 'ordinary' people think gay IS!" I feel so... 'labeled' you know?" Now Dr.Standing was getting the full jist. "-Ah... oh I see what you're saying-" "-Yeah!" In fact, I'll prove it to you!" First... look at my clothes." They're a tad... 'flashy' see?" Colorful and vibrant vibe, you know?" And my pants!" From the color they are, if they were any tighter, they'd be... you guessed it... leather!" Jacque knew his voice was starting to sound a bit shrill, but kept on going. "But I don't wear leather!" Becuz it would emphasize my 'fat ass'!" And there!" See??" I'm talking about the size of my ass!" Guys don't do that!" They don't care if it's a bubble or a saucer shape!" But I DO!" I am VERY self-conscious about my behind!" The tiger said nothing now, just did his part of listening, nodding here and there, maybe adding a "Hmm-" or "I see-" etc. where it seemed appropriate. "-And there's more!" the feline hybrid yelped. "I'm considered a 'nice guy'!" And trust me... there's not too many nice straight guys, my age, out there, that are nice out of the goodness of their hearts, and not wanting 'something' in return, if you get what I'm saying!" Also, I'm a clean person!" Most guys couldn't care less if they're sweating bullets or covered in crud!" But I think personal hygiene is vital!" And no, I'm not bragging but... I'm relatively good-looking, according to many young females!" Speaking of females... I happen to have over half the percentage of my friends being that sex!" And by the way, I do NOT have sexual fantasies about having threesomes, foursomes or whatever with them!" The few guy friends I have, I am VERY close to!" And yeah... when they happen to joke about that they're looking all hot stuff and mack daddy-ish, I DO happen to agree with them, in an almost 'flirtaceous' matter!" Little did I know... that I really MEANT it this whole time!" It was a good thing Dr.Standing had patience, otherwise he'd probably be getting a migraine by now, listening to Jacque rant on and on. "-And last... but certainly not least... let's not forget... gay guys are supposed to be great dancers right?" Well guess what... I'm a part time dance INSTRUCTOR for frick's sale!" And what's one of my favourite dances?" The TANGO!!" he howled, in aguish. Jacque shook his head, despairingly. "So there you have it!" I've got GAY painted all over me!" And it's just fricking insane!" And I just-" Further words were mulled out by the sudden wave of emotion coming over him. "And this!" he choked out. "Look at me!" I'm gonna CRY!" Guys don't let out their 'feelings' like this!" But I DO!" And I AM!" Hectic sobs gulped out his throat, in overwhelmement of the situation. Finally, the psychiatrist spoke, "-Don't feel so badly upon this, my lad." There's nothing wrong with letting it out." It's a good way to haul off some of that stress that's been building up." There now, it's alright." He handed Jacque a tissue box. "-Thank you-" Jacque sniffled, ripping a few out. "I really am sorry you had to see this... *sniff* I'll be okay in a sec... *sob* just gimme a moment...*gulp*-" They waited about a minute or so, before he finally calmed down. "Okay... I'm okay now," Jacque said. "-How do you feel now, son?" Dr.Standing asked. "-ALOT better, believe me-" the young feline replied. "You have no idea how badly I needed to get that all off." "I could understand," the tiger said. "Well then... is there anything else?" Jacque shook his head. "-No, I think that about covers it." Seriously, Mr.Adam, thank you SO much for listening..." "It's not a problem, Jacque," the psychiatrist. "Glad I could help." They both rose from their seats, as Jacque spoke, "-Okay, after all that, I HAVE to give you this-" and he pulled out a wad of rolled up Mobiums. "-Oh, I can't accept that," the tiger refused, putting up a hand. "You keep those Mobiums, my boy." The young feline shook his head, still holding out the money. "-No no, you're taking it!" I OWE you this, I mean it!" "-You 'owe' me no such payment, son," insisted Dr.Standing. "And 'I' mean it." Jacque looked at the Mobiums, and back to the adult. "-I must be losing it... I can't believe you're actually letting me do this!" I feel like I'm ripping you off, blind!" The tiger shook his muzzle, with amusement. "-I can assure you my dear boy, you've done no such thing." Reluctantly, the teenager put the money back in his pocket. "-If you're REALLY insisting..." he sighed. "But if you won't let me repay you THAT way, is there anything else I can do??" Errands, labour, anything?" The
psychiatrist patted his shoulder. "-All I really need is you to... how about... keep this little 'freebie' to yourself?" Wouldn't want anyone else trying to 'rip me off' now, hmm?" Jacque gave a nod. "-Ah yeah... that's a given!" "-Then it sounds like we've got a closed and finished deal now, my lad." "-Alright then." They both walked to the door. "-Really Mr.Adam, thank you SO MUCH!" Jacque exclaimed, gratefully, once again. "-Like I said, Jacque, it's really no problem," Dr.Standing told him, also again. "You take care now." And good luck!" The young feline nodded, and waved as he walked out. *'Good luck'... I think I'm gonna need more of a MIRACLE to help me with this...* he thought miserably, of how he was going to break the 'news' to his parents...
After being let out for the day, Jacque practically raced back home. He didn't want to go back to school for lunch. In fact, he didn't want to go back at all. This was surprising, considering he didn't skip. But he had an excuse alright, he thought. *I'm sick... sick in the HEAD!!* At last, he arrived home. "-Mom?" he called out, as he burst in the door. No answer. He went into the kitchen to see if there was a note. Sure enough, there was a small sheet on the counter. Jacque fumbled it into his hand, to read it. "Went to Nana Irene's for the afternoon. Be back around five. Love Mom." So Lady Lorelei was out. Nearby, the phone answering machine's little light was flashing. The feline pressed the button. "-One new message," the machine played. And then Sir Marco's voice was heard on the recording. "-Hi, you two." Just calling to let you know that we're working late here, and I'll be in a bit later, around five thirty." See you then." The teenager took this information in. His mother wouldn't be back until five. And his father wouldn't be back until five thirty-ish. Perfect. Jacque scrambled up the stairs to his room. Throwing his bag off, he leaned down onto his knees and looked under his bed. He thrust his hand in there, poking around, until he finally felt something. The feline pulled it out. It was a videotape. But not just any tape. It was one that Chislett had given him not too long ago, for his birthday as a joke, really. He'd swiped it from some guy. It was actually a pornographic film. Jacque had howled at this, when Chislett told him, but knowing that his parents would kill him for having something like this, he'd hid it under his bed and forgotten it. And to be honest, 'porno' wasn't something Jacque liked. He thought it was a rather crude and shameful display. But right now, he NEEDED it. Thumping back down with the tape in hand, Jacque went into the living room. Turning on the television, he set up the VCR, and put the video in. Sitting down and picking up the remote, the feline took an uneasy breath. *This is NOT for self-indulgence or pleasure... it's a very important TEST...* he thought. "-Here goes nothing," he gulped, and pressed 'Play'. The first clip was of a female, pretty much feeling herself up, in a rather explicit and disturbing matter. Jacque was appalled. "-Oh my god... WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" he yelled at the TV, as if the subject could hear him. "WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF?!?" HAVE YOU NO SENSE OF SELF-RESPECT WHATSOEVER?!?!" DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY GUYS WATCH AND GET 'OFF' TO YOU?!?" WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!" He picked up the remote. "-This is just sick..." he griped, fast forwarding it to a new clip. When it stopped, the new scene was of a male on female clip. Once again, the display struck the critical feline just as pathetic. "-Oh PLEASE!" he snorted. "Could this be more FAKE??" Oh wait... YES it could!" I wonder how much flab from her ASS went into her BREASTS for this film!" YOU PEOPLE SICKEN ME!" Jacque pressed the fast forward button again. It ended with a female on female scene. Already, he knew what to expect. "-Oh right... THIS again!" But with another person!" OH how ORIGINAL!" Lemme guess... she's gonna touch right there... and she's gonna grab that... they're both gonna moan a little... one's gonna say 'Oooh... you're making me wet!' and the other's gonna say 'Give it me to bitch, and give it to me now!'!" IT'S A WALKING CLICHE YOU PLASTIC BARBIE DOLLS!!!" He slammed his finger on the Stop/Eject button, and threw the remote across the room. Jacque shook his head in utter disgust. What a stupid waste of time... He froze. *Whoa... hold the phone...* All through the film, he had howled about how shameful the females were, but not once... had he said anything about the guy. *...Why not?* He then jumped up, and scrambled around to find the remote. When he had, he pressed the rewind button, until it reached the second clip. Turning it back on and pressing 'Mute', he watched it again, more closely. This time, he purposely didn't look at the female, only at the male. As he stared on, he couldn't find one outburst thing to say about him. But then again, he wasn't even really TRYING to. He slowly pressed the 'Stop' button, and the remote fell from his hand. Jacque was struck dumb, speechless in everyway. He didn't even blink, just gawked wide-eyed until they stung. So there it was. The shit had hit the fan. He now knew the truth. In a hardly audible croak, he squeaked out loud to himself, "-I... am... so... GAY!"
It was around two o'clock. After a walk around two blocks, Jacque stopped at a particular house. He clomped up the steps and paused at the doorway. Gulping hard, he pressed the doorbell. Waiting, he glanced over at the sign below the bell, "Dr.Adam Standing, Psychiatrist". *God save me, if this doesn't help...* The door was finally opened, by an adult male white tiger. Seeing who it was, he gave a kind smile. "-Ah... if it isn't my good friend Marco Celaya's boy Jacque!" What an unexpected pleasure, my lad!" Forcing a smile on his face, for the sake of his father's comrade, Jacque responded, "-Likewise, Mr.Adam." Although I have a feeling 'you' might be taking that back, once I tell you exactly why I'm here." Dr.Standing raised an eyebrow. "-That so?" The young male swallowed, "-See... first off... I do KNOW that you're on... well... 'vacation' and all from work... but... I was kinda wondering if... maybe I could... talk to you about something." The tiger spoke, "-Ah... I see." Not knowing if he had taken it the wrong way or not, Jacque quickly added, "-But if that's a problem, then that's fine, no big deal, or if money is the issue, I brought-" "-Jacque, Jacque, it's alright, calm down!" said Dr.Standing, putting a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Now I know you're a perfectly respectful and well-behaved young man, and that you wouldn't ask me for something like this, if it wasn't IMPORTANT, am I right?" The young lynx/caracal nodded. "-Yes." "Well then... since you're the son of a very close friend of mine, and I think I still owe you a favour for working in my yard this spring, I think I just might able to to help you out here." Come on in."
And so, Jacque basically spilled his guts to the psychiatrist for over half an hour, about certain events from that weekend, things going on all schoolweek, and little things he had started to notice and finally come to realize. "-So there you have it!" The jig is up!" I've gone and stepped out of the closet!" Mark me with a scarlet 'G' and put me in a pride parade already!" Jacque griped. Slowly blinking, and taking in all that the teenager had told him, Dr.Standing finally said, "-Well I must say... that IS quite a breakthrough you've made in the last few hours, now." "-I know," sighed the young feline. "I'm sorry I had to bore you to death with all that." The tiger shook his head. "-No no, it's quite alright, son." That was definitely something you needed to get off your chest." "-Yeah... uhh... by the way, you aren't gonna tell my father are you?" Jacque asked, timidly. "-My dear boy... as a psychiatrist, it's my job not to let anything that is said between me and a patient, leave the room it is told in." Of course I won't." As Jacque started to sigh with relief, Dr.Standing added, "-But YOU should tell him." And your mother." The lynx/caracal flinched. "-I KNEW you were gonna say that..." he sighed. "I will... after I figure exactly HOW to." "-Fair enough," the tiger nodded. Sitting up, the young male turned to the adult. "-I mean... it's not that I'm ashamed of who I am now or anything... it's more of a relief to understand things." But... there is ONE thing that kinda bugs me, now that I think of it." "-Oh?" the psychiatrist inquired. "-You know what's more humiliating than being gay?" "-Hmm?" "-Being a 'stereotypical' gay!" Jacque said. "Honestly, it's embarrassing!" I mean... I AM what 'ordinary' people think gay IS!" I feel so... 'labeled' you know?" Now Dr.Standing was getting the full jist. "-Ah... oh I see what you're saying-" "-Yeah!" In fact, I'll prove it to you!" First... look at my clothes." They're a tad... 'flashy' see?" Colorful and vibrant vibe, you know?" And my pants!" From the color they are, if they were any tighter, they'd be... you guessed it... leather!" Jacque knew his voice was starting to sound a bit shrill, but kept on going. "But I don't wear leather!" Becuz it would emphasize my 'fat ass'!" And there!" See??" I'm talking about the size of my ass!" Guys don't do that!" They don't care if it's a bubble or a saucer shape!" But I DO!" I am VERY self-conscious about my behind!" The tiger said nothing now, just did his part of listening, nodding here and there, maybe adding a "Hmm-" or "I see-" etc. where it seemed appropriate. "-And there's more!" the feline hybrid yelped. "I'm considered a 'nice guy'!" And trust me... there's not too many nice straight guys, my age, out there, that are nice out of the goodness of their hearts, and not wanting 'something' in return, if you get what I'm saying!" Also, I'm a clean person!" Most guys couldn't care less if they're sweating bullets or covered in crud!" But I think personal hygiene is vital!" And no, I'm not bragging but... I'm relatively good-looking, according to many young females!" Speaking of females... I happen to have over half the percentage of my friends being that sex!" And by the way, I do NOT have sexual fantasies about having threesomes, foursomes or whatever with them!" The few guy friends I have, I am VERY close to!" And yeah... when they happen to joke about that they're looking all hot stuff and mack daddy-ish, I DO happen to agree with them, in an almost 'flirtaceous' matter!" Little did I know... that I really MEANT it this whole time!" It was a good thing Dr.Standing had patience, otherwise he'd probably be getting a migraine by now, listening to Jacque rant on and on. "-And last... but certainly not least... let's not forget... gay guys are supposed to be great dancers right?" Well guess what... I'm a part time dance INSTRUCTOR for frick's sale!" And what's one of my favourite dances?" The TANGO!!" he howled, in aguish. Jacque shook his head, despairingly. "So there you have it!" I've got GAY painted all over me!" And it's just fricking insane!" And I just-" Further words were mulled out by the sudden wave of emotion coming over him. "And this!" he choked out. "Look at me!" I'm gonna CRY!" Guys don't let out their 'feelings' like this!" But I DO!" And I AM!" Hectic sobs gulped out his throat, in overwhelmement of the situation. Finally, the psychiatrist spoke, "-Don't feel so badly upon this, my lad." There's nothing wrong with letting it out." It's a good way to haul off some of that stress that's been building up." There now, it's alright." He handed Jacque a tissue box. "-Thank you-" Jacque sniffled, ripping a few out. "I really am sorry you had to see this... *sniff* I'll be okay in a sec... *sob* just gimme a moment...*gulp*-" They waited about a minute or so, before he finally calmed down. "Okay... I'm okay now," Jacque said. "-How do you feel now, son?" Dr.Standing asked. "-ALOT better, believe me-" the young feline replied. "You have no idea how badly I needed to get that all off." "I could understand," the tiger said. "Well then... is there anything else?" Jacque shook his head. "-No, I think that about covers it." Seriously, Mr.Adam, thank you SO much for listening..." "It's not a problem, Jacque," the psychiatrist. "Glad I could help." They both rose from their seats, as Jacque spoke, "-Okay, after all that, I HAVE to give you this-" and he pulled out a wad of rolled up Mobiums. "-Oh, I can't accept that," the tiger refused, putting up a hand. "You keep those Mobiums, my boy." The young feline shook his head, still holding out the money. "-No no, you're taking it!" I OWE you this, I mean it!" "-You 'owe' me no such payment, son," insisted Dr.Standing. "And 'I' mean it." Jacque looked at the Mobiums, and back to the adult. "-I must be losing it... I can't believe you're actually letting me do this!" I feel like I'm ripping you off, blind!" The tiger shook his muzzle, with amusement. "-I can assure you my dear boy, you've done no such thing." Reluctantly, the teenager put the money back in his pocket. "-If you're REALLY insisting..." he sighed. "But if you won't let me repay you THAT way, is there anything else I can do??" Errands, labour, anything?" The
psychiatrist patted his shoulder. "-All I really need is you to... how about... keep this little 'freebie' to yourself?" Wouldn't want anyone else trying to 'rip me off' now, hmm?" Jacque gave a nod. "-Ah yeah... that's a given!" "-Then it sounds like we've got a closed and finished deal now, my lad." "-Alright then." They both walked to the door. "-Really Mr.Adam, thank you SO MUCH!" Jacque exclaimed, gratefully, once again. "-Like I said, Jacque, it's really no problem," Dr.Standing told him, also again. "You take care now." And good luck!" The young feline nodded, and waved as he walked out. *'Good luck'... I think I'm gonna need more of a MIRACLE to help me with this...* he thought miserably, of how he was going to break the 'news' to his parents...