Author: Lee and Maia
Rating: PG-13
Description: Dr. 666 returns. Can't get much more detailed than that, folks. ^_^
"It's a lazy, precariously placed coffee table
danglin' afternoon."
Maia sat at her computer, typing in some things
while Lee slouched on the couch, holding the precariously placed coffee
table by one of the legs and dangling it just a couple of centimeters from
the floor. Maia turned around.
"What in heaven's name are you doing?"
When there was no answer, Maia got up and
went to stand in front of Lee. Waving a hand in front of Lee's face, she
snorted when nothing happened. Poking Lee on the shoulder, she arched an
eyebrow as Lee fell over. Maia sighed and left the room, coming back with
Sephiroth a moment later.
"She's broken! Fix her!"
Sephiroth's eyebrows raised. "A person can
break?"
"Yes. Fix her! Now!"
"How?"
"I dunno!" Maia stomped off and scowled at
her computer. Sephiroth kneeled in front of Lee and stared at her dead
face.
"How to fix... How to fix?" He scratched his
head for a moment, then smiled at her. "Hey, there, Lee!" he said in his
most "winning" tone.
Lee suddenly jumped awake. "Hi!"
Sephiroth yelped and fell backwards. Lee smiled.
"What happened to you?" Sephiroth asked.
"Well, you see, sometimes my mind just kinda
goes 'Whoo!'! I mean, it just kind of—" She broke off and a dead look rose
on her face again.
"Lee?" Sephiroth asked, completely confused.
Lee suddenly shook herself awake.
"Woah. How long was I out?"
"Approximately five stretches of ten
seconds with three second breaks," Maia answered dully, watching her computer.
Sephiroth and Lee sweatdropped and shrugged, Lee placing a hand on the
back of her neck.
"Let's go Sephy!" Lee suggested, taking his
hand and running off, dragging him along.
Maia sat at her computer, typing things and
watching the screen. Suddenly, a tiny morphine needle popped up in another
window. She sighed, "I hate pop-ups," and closed the window with a "Die!".
Another one, exactly the same, popped up. She jabbed the X button and made
it go away. Another, exactly the same, popped up.
"Oh my God! The pop-ups are attacking! ...
Oh, wait, no.... Oh my God! Dr. 666 is back!" She arched an eyebrow. "Wait,
if he's back, his supply of morphine must be replenished. But, I cut off
his supply from the Escaflowne world. Hmmm...."
Suddenly, the phone rang. Maia picked it up
and held it to her ear.
"I know what you did last su—"
She heard a beep and interrupted. "Just a
sec, I'm getting another call." She switched lines. "Hello?"
"This is the Escaflowne world! I am.... Mr.
Van."
"Oh, hey Van."
"Shh! I'm not Van! I'm MISTER Van."
"Sure Big V. Anyways, what's up?"
"Well, you know that little dude with the
stuff and the... things? Well, he came and did.. stuff with the... things
and... yeah."
Maia sweatdropped and rolled her eyes. "In
coherent language, please?"
"Well, the little dude with... stuff... and..."
"Arg, whatever. I'll get it eventually."
She heard from the other side, a slight quarrel,
then Hitomi's voice came on over the line. "Hey, Maia! What Van—"
"That's Mr. Van!"
"Whatever. Well, what he was trying to say
is that Dr. 666 came and stole a huge supply of our morphine. It was crazy!"
"Hmm... Well, thanks. I'd better get back
to my other call. Bye."
"'Later."
Maia switched lines back to the other. "Hey.
Start again please, um... Who were you again?"
"I know what you did last su—"
"Hey, oh, jeez, you know, I gotta go. Let's
continue this conversation later. Call me back, okay?" She hung up.
Leaving the room and going into the hallway,
she started screaming, "Lee!? Lee!!!???"
She heard Lee and Sephiroth, downstairs, yelling,
"Kuja? Oh, Kuja!?"
Maia sighed and turned on the speaker phone.
"Kuja's not here. He went home. He said he needed to see his mom."
"Aww... And we wanted to pull out his feathers
and tickle him. We had an elaborate scheme worked out too..." Lee whined.
Sephiroth huggled her.
Maia ignored her and continued speaking. "Dr.
666 is back. Get up here." She turned off the speaker phone and even before
she had breathed, Lee and Sephiroth stood there.
"He's back?!" Lee shouted.
"Yup. He's out in the world, somewhere, waiting
for us," Maia said, waving her hand out the window, over the nice view
of the mountains. Sephiroth glared out of the corner of his eyes suspiciously
at the mountains. He thought he saw a skier fall.
"Sweet merciful crap, he is there! He just
morphined someone!" Sephiroth shouted, pointing out the window. He grabbed
some binoculars.
"Oh, no, wait, it's just a bear mauling a
skier. That's okay."
"Bear mauling a skier?" Maia asked. "What
the—?" She noticed that she was leaning on her keyboard and the command
"Bear Maul Skier" was on the screen. "Oh, crap!" she yelled, pressing undo
a few times.
As Sephiroth watched, the bear dropped the
arm and ran backwards and the skier regained his blood, his arm miraculously
re-attached itself and he got up and skied away.
"Whoo. Freak~ay," Sephiroth commented.
"I have power. Mwahaha," Maia remarked dully.
She glanced over at Lee. "Well, since I got a lot of attention in the last
fic, you can have it this time. Go and fight the new and improved, more
powerful Dr. 666. I got appointments with the people in the anime world.
See ya." She picked up her laptop and disappeared.
Cloud ran in, screaming. "NOOOOO!!! SHE LEFT
WITHOUT ME AGAIN!!!!"
Maia popped back in and grabbed Cloud's arm.
"Whoops. Forgot my escort." They both disappeared.
Lee twitched with anger. "Whaddaya mean 'new
and improved and more powerful' Dr. 666?!?!?! Why do I get the hard one?!?!?!"
she screeched in anger. An email popped up in front of her face. She glared
and opened it.
"Lee,
You freakin' asked for it! Being evil in the last fic!
Jeez! Be careful of your actions!
~Maia"
Lee shook with anger, clenching a fist and
an angry anime thingy appearing on her forehead. Sephiroth backed away
slightly, then sighed and gave her some huggles, which made her happy again.
"Well, then. We need some party members, if
we're going to succeed, no?" Lee asked Sephiroth calmly. Sephiroth nodded
and smiled.
"That is easy to fix." Walking to the top
of the stairs, he hollered down, "Anyone wanna come and fight big evil
things and get some really nice experience points?!"
Suddenly, a cloud of smoke appeared and evil
laughter echoed throughout the hallways. When the smoke cleared, Auron
stood there, one of his arms in his coat sling.
"Ah ha ha ha ha—I mean... hello!" Auron smiled
nervously. "Please! I need to get stronger!!! I must break the 9999 damage
limit!" he screamed a little insanely. Regaining his composure, he cleared
his throat, blinked and pushed his sunglasses up. "I mean—I could be an
asset to this mission. Bring me along and I shall guard you, even if it
means sacrificing my life."
Lee shrugged. "'kay. You can come Auron. It
would be good to have you along."
Sephiroth nodded in agreement, noticing, with
a little jealousy, that Auron seemed stronger than himself. Sephiroth glared
a little bit, then turned around and crossed his arms, shutting his eyes.
While he was standing there, a wrench hit him over the head and he fell
over, crying out.
"Oh, crap! Sorry! That forbidden machina was
damn greasy! I mean, it just kind of slipped right out of my hands and...landed..on..your
head. Sorry!" Rikku ran up, her goggles over her eyes. She grinned, lifting
her goggles off of her eyes and hanging them around her neck.
"Do you need a good mechanic? Because I'll
come with you! Besides..." She glared at Auron. "We have a bit of an argument
to settle..."
Auron clenched one of his fists and shouted
in Rikku's face, "I will break the 9999 damage limit first! Not you, little
Al-Bhed Yevon-hater!!!"
Rikku gasped, turning red in the face. "Oh,
really, Mr. Unsent Pyrefly guy! With your glasses and your 'Oh, look at
me! I'm so cool' attitude!!! Well, go ahead, do your worst!"
"Oh, you think you feel lucky...punk!" Auron
yelled, his unused hand coming out of the sleeve.
"Yeah! Bring it on!!!"
"Okay then! Battle!!"
They both clenched a fist, glaring at each
other while Lee and Sephiroth held their breath. Then, Rikku and Auron
cried out in unison, "Rock, paper scissors!"
Sephiroth and Lee sweatdropped, leaning on
each other so as not to fall over in their exasperation. Rikku and Auron
tied for two rounds of rock, paper, scissors, then Sephiroth hit Auron
over the head and Lee took Rikku by the arm and dragged her away from Auron.
"Let's not do this anymore! Our guests will
get bored!"
"Hm...Boring..." Sephiroth sighed.
"Did someone say 'boring'?!" a voice yelled.
Someone bounded into the room, running past Rikku, who fell over, then
jumping onto Auron's back and clinging to him. "Non-boring is my middle
name!" Wild gun shots were fired and everyone flung themselves to the ground,
thinking it was a stick-up.
Lee glanced up, and saw that the person riding
piggy-back on Auron was none other than Laguna.
"Laguna!!!!" Lee shouted. "....Are you on
drugs?!"
Laguna hopped down off of Auron, who looked
disgusted, and grinned foolishly. "I don't know anymore!!!!!!"
"Oh...God..."
There was an awkward silence, then Lee smiled
nervously and suggested, "Let's go and see what Maia's doing!"
A popup appeared in the middle of all of them,
and it showed Maia and Cloud in a training center. Cloud attacked a Malboro
and a 10,000 flashed over the Malboro's head and it disappeared.
"Cloud! You broke the 9999 damage limit!!"
Maia cried. She flung herself into Cloud's arms and they did battle ending
poses while embracing.
Auron and Rikku watched this in astonishment,
their jaws hanging open. Turning to one another, they glared.
"I'm gonna be the second one to break the
9999 damage limit!" Rikku shrieked. Auron snarled.
"Like hell, little Brittney Spears wannabe!
I will! Me!"
"Who's gonna stop me!"
"Myself, of course!"
"You and what army!?!?"
"....Aw, screw it! I'll kill you!"
"Not if I kill you first!!!"
They both lunged at each other, trying to
strangle one another.
As they fought, another battle appeared on
the screen between Maia, Cloud and an Iron Giant. Cloud cast an Armour
Break on it and Maia slashed the Iron Giant and a 10,000 flashed over it's
head and it disappeared.
"Maia! You're are one fine, divine lady! You
broke the 9999 damage limit!" Cloud yelled. Maia laughed and placed a hand
on the back of her neck and grinned.
Auron and Rikku stopped fighting to watch
this, then turned to each other, glaring. Suddenly, between them, Lee appeared,
holding up a weapon with Power Break on it.
"Start fighting again and you'll both get
it over the head with this. Then you'll be competing to see who can break
the 9' limit."
They both backed off, frightened. Lee grinned
at them and put the weapon away. Laguna bounced around, firing random shots
into the air. Sephiroth grabbed Laguna's gun and emptied it of its bullets,
then returned it to Laguna, who really didn't seem to notice and kept trying
to fire shots. The gun still made a sound, but just didn't shoot.
Sephiroth held out a hand. "Silencer, please."
Laguna handed it to him, still jumping around.
Sephiroth snatched his gun away from him again and placed the silencer
on it, then returned it to Laguna.
Lee glanced around. "Well, this is our party!
Now, how are we going to hunt down and maim Dr. 666?"
"Oh! Oh! Ooh! Ooh, oh, ooh!" Laguna shouted,
waving a hand in the air and jumping around. "Ooh! I know! Pick me! Pick
me, for I am EVER so knowledgeable!!!!!"
"Okay... What's your plan then, Laguna?" Sephiroth
asked.
"To hunt down and maim Dr. 666, we simply
have to—" Everyone waited with bated breath "—hunt him down and maim him!!!"
Everyone sweatdropped.
Lee smashed Laguna over the head with a fist.
"That's no plan! Jeez! C'mon, people, think!"
"Mwahahaha!!!"
"I've heard of plans, but that's the wackiest—
Dear God!" Lee shouted, noticing that, behind Sephiroth, was Dr. 666. Sephiroth
yelped and ran behind Lee, cowering. Lee patted him on the head and gave
him a small, quick huggle.
"Ahahaha!!! The Chosen Children!! With my
Black Gears I—wait... Something...not...quite...right.... ...... Oh!" Dr.
666 grinned and pulled out a morphine needle. "You're not chosen children!
You're just... annoying bugs in the grand scheme of my plan! And I plan
to squash you right here!"
"Not if I can help it!!" Rikku and Auron shouted
in unison, Auron bringing out his trippy Masamune and Rikku putting on
her Godhand. They both glared at each other, then dashed at Dr. 666. But,
before they could hit him—
"Time for a booster!" Dr. 666 pulled out another
needle, gave them fancy, gun-like twirls, and plunged them into both of
their arms and injected the morphine. They stumbled away, Auron inspecting
his arm, Rikku whining, then they both went into a daze and sat down against
the wall, comparing coins from their pockets, singing happily, with goofy
grins on their faces.
Lee and Sephiroth sweatdropped, Laguna began
to bounce around more, firing random shots (without the bullets), with
the silencer still going off. Laguna bounded forward, snatched one of the
needles from Dr. 666, stuffed it into his gun and shot it at the doctor,
still bouncing around. Dr. 666 got the needle right in the forehead. (O_O....
>_)
"Oh, God!!!!!" Dr. 666 screeched, running
around in panicky circles. He finally dislodged the needle from his head.
"Thank goodness I'm immune to morphine. I wouldn't be a good doctor if
I weren't." He shook his fist at them. "I'll take you out later!! So long,
suckers!!! Mwahahahaha!!!"
He threw down a smoke bomb, smoke filling
the room. When it cleared, he was still standing there. Lee, Sephiroth
and Laguna stared at him for a moment, before the doctor saluted them and
jumped out the window. They rushed to the window and watched Dr. 666 as
he flew off on a hang glider with a morphine needle on the wing.
"Woah. That was... wacky... Or trippy..."
Lee commented.
"Yes. Yes, it was," Sephiroth replied slowly.
"That was fun!" Laguna cried happily, still
bouncing, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down
and up and down (Whoo, it's mesmerizing, isn't it? ^_^;;).
"Stoppit!" Sephiroth shouted, grabbing a rope
and tying Laguna up. Laguna continued to jump, looking more like a patient
in a strait jacket because his arms were basically strapped to his sides.
"Arg, dammit!" Lee screeched, pushing Laguna
out the window as he passed it.
"WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!"
"God, can NOTHING slow him down?!" Sephiroth
shouted in anger. Glancing back at Auron and Rikku, who had begun to trade
gil, he sighed. "This is gonna be one helluvan adventure."
-----------------------
Disclaimer: We don't own Final Fantasy. If we did, we'd be filthy stinking
rich, but we're not.