Maia: And so... we teeter on the edge of another school year. *sobs* Enjoy the insanity! In this chapter, bold text is the narrator, and italic text is me. ^_^
Disclaimer: We don't own Final Fantasy. HAPPY?
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After the morphine had worn off of Auron and
Rikku, they gathered a couple of supplies, like a phoenix down and as many
potions as they could stuff into their pockets. They filled Auron's jug
thingy with potion.
"Now, Auron, no swigs of that. We need it,"
Rikku snarled at him. Auron hissed back at her. They glared at each other,
then Rikku muttered something in Al Bhed.
"What did you say?!" Auron shouted.
"Tysh oui tnihgea!"
"And what's that supposed to mean!?"
"It means "Damn you, drunkie"!!!"
"Why you little—!" Auron wrapped his hands
around her neck and began to strangle her. He looked around for something
that he could use to suffocate her, besides his hands. Spotting a phone,
he seized the telephone and wrapped the cord around her neck and gagged
her with that.
Rikku took this to her advantage and grasped
the head of the phone and began to hit him over the head with it.
"Ow!" Wham. "Ow!" Wham. "OW!"
They both began to get tired and the cord
loosed on Rikku's neck and the phone hit Auron over the head with less
force. Auron and Rikku collapsed over each other, still trying to kill
one another.
Lee and Sephiroth watched them, sweatdropping.
"Merciful hell, this is going to be crazy."
"Hey, look a video clip from Maia! Let's look
at that!"
"Yes...let's," Sephiroth replied.
A window opened and it showed Maia and Cloud
sitting in a classroom at Balamb Garden. They were listening to Quistis
as she taught the students. Squall was sleeping, his head buried in a book.
As he snored, he kept muttering, "Whatever..."
"So, let's have a little pop quiz!" Quistis
cried. "It will be an oral. Squall, first question!"
"Whatever..."
"Is it important to always have phoenix downs
with you?"
"Whatever..."
"O...kay.... not the answer I was looking
for. Next question! Squall how many hit points does a Malboro have?"
"Whatever..."
"..."
"Whatever..."
"Squall, if you are not awake, just say 'whatever',"
she said in a monotonous voice.
"Whatever..."
"Squall!!!!!"
"What?! What?!" he yelled, jumping up. "Where's
the fire!!!???"
"It's on the cuffs of your pants..." Quistis
told him.
"Oh, God!!!" Squall screamed, without looking
at the bottom of his pants. He tore off his pants, so he was only in his
heart-patterned boxers, then he ran to the window, leaped out of it, landed,
somehow, unhurt, and ran off, still screaming. Everyone laughed. Maia and
Cloud were leaning against each other, howling with laughter.
Lee and Sephiroth sweatdropped.
"That was odd..." Sephiroth commented.
Rikku and Auron had sat up again and were
glaring at each other. Laguna had miraculously climbed back up into the
room.
"Hey *bounce* guys *bounce*, why *bounce*
are we *bounce* not *bounce* leaving? *boing*" Laguna asked, bouncing up
and down.
Lee thought about it or the moment. "You're
right!"
"Yeah..." Sephiroth agreed.
"Pick up your weapons, we're outta here!"
Rikku cried, putting on her Godhand. Auron picked up his trippy Masamune
and Laguna stopped bouncing for a moment (Gasp!) and cocked his gun. Lee
looked at an array of weapons which were hanging on the wall for some reason.
"Hm.. Sephiroth, I would have a katana like
yours...but...we need an variety of weapons, so..." She grabbed a Brotherhood
like Tidus'. "I'll take this one!"
Sephiroth swished his Masamune. "Excellent!
Are we off?"
"Damn straight!" Lee shouted.
"All right!" Rikku seconded.
"Let's go!" Auron agreed.
"Let's get this show on the road!" Laguna
cried.
There was a long, awkward silence.
".... Hey... guys?" Lee asked. "Where are
we going?"
Everyone fell over, sweatdropping as Lee placed
a hand on the back of her neck and laughed nervously.
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Outside the castle, they all were walking,
conversing random things. Sephiroth finally looked up and said, "Hey, what
the... How did we get out here?"
Lee shrugged. "I dunno. Miracle of fanfiction."
"Well, anyway, what were you saying the meaning
of life was?" Sephiroth asked.
"Well, the meaning of life is—" Rikku began
"No, we already discussed that your explanation
was wrong!" Auron said. "The REAL meaning of life is—"
"Guys, can we get off this subject?" Lee asked.
"Besides, the real meaning of life is—"
And so they conversed for long hours on the meaning of life, which was never truly absolved...
They sat around a campfire, later on that night,
discussing where they would go next.
"Well, I say we go east!" Rikku suggested.
"West!" Auron argued.
"North! To the snowy fields!" Sephiroth shouted.
"South! Where Edea is!" Laguna cried.
They all turned to look at Lee.
"Uh... um.... dang..."
"What's wrong?" Sephiroth asked.
".............Dang......."
"And by 'dang' we mean....?" Auron and Rikku
said in unison.
"Oh, yeah, you weren't in the last fanfic,
were you?" Lee asked Laguna, Auron and Rikku, who all shook their heads.
"Well, except for you, Sephiroth." Sephiroth nodded. "Remember anything...about
our castle...?"
"Hmn....I...oh, dang...."
"Exactly."
"And by 'dang' you mean!?" the other three
shouted.
Lee and Sephiroth looked at each other, then
back at the others. "Do you want the long explanation, or the short one?"
"Well, we're here all night, right?" Rikku
said.
"Okay..." Lee and Sephiroth sighed.
And so, Sephiroth and Lee regaled the tale of how the castle of Maia and Lee was built in a— *gets hit over the head with a brick*
Hey, buddy! Will'ya shaddup?!
Maia?
Darn straight. Anyways, the castle was built, by moi, in this weird universe so that we would have access to everything in any Final Fantasy world. Therefore, the universe is only so big, So it goes in a loop. Capiche?
And so, this humble narrator kicked Maia out of his recording studio and continued his narrating and—
Why you, how dare you kick me out! I need to do more video clips and other stuff and this and that and—
And so, Maia continued to rant as this humble narrator closed the door on her.
*muffled screaming and threatening from behind the door* I'm the almighty webmistress! You have no right to do this to me!!! I'll kill you! See if I don't! And if not, you'll be so fired! I'm gonna fire your ass to hell and back!!!
"Woo. That was long and evil..." Rikku exclaimed,
throwing up her hands in frustration. Auron crossed his arms and gave a
'hmph' and Laguna gave a thumbs-up and grinned.
"That was long and important. Interesting.
But BORING!!!" Laguna explained. He cocked his gun and fired a couple of
random shots into the air.
"Must you consistently do that?" Sephiroth
asked, holding his hands over his ears.
"Yes. Yes, I must."
"Are you sure?" Lee asked.
"Yes. Yes, I am."
"Quite sure?" Rikku and Auron asked in unison,
irritably.
"Yes, I am quite, completely, absolutely,
truly, positively, undeniably, unmistakably, decidedly, insistently, peremptorily,
most-definitely, 100% very sure."
They all stared at him. Lee blinked. "Okay
then. .........I didn't know you had so wide a vocabulary."
"Vocab-a-what now?"
They all sweatdropped.
"Um... So...We...should get going...where?"
Sephiroth asked, ignoring Laguna. Rikku, Auron and Lee shrugged.
"Urm.. Back to the castle!" Lee cried, after
thinking for a moment. They got to their feet and dashed off in a direction.
What direction it was, it didn't particularly matter, because they would
eventually end up back at the castle anyway... -_-
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Back to Dr. 666, 'cause we love him so much... =^_^=
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Dr. 666 was sitting on a stool, in his "Ultra
Secret Lab" (thunder and lightning), rubbing at his head with antiseptic,
murmuring, "Ow...I'm so gonna hurt them...Ow.....*whine, cry*"
A new, extremely pretty Esper nurse, with
little fairy wings, came into the room, holding a tray with a cup of iced
tea and ice cubes on it. She handed it to him.
"Am I a waitress, or a nurse?" she asked,
slightly irritated; she had been serving him iced teas all day.
"Both..." Dr. 666 muttered, sipping at the
iced tea. He frowned. "This iced tea is a degree warmer than I like it!
Cool it down some more!" he demanded, thrusting the iced tea back at the
nurse.
She sauntered out, sighing and thinking, Why
am I doing this? I only came here for the tips. But now I'm becoming a
waitress! Darn, this sucks...
And Dr. 666 sat there, rubbing at the hole
in his head. "Darn that Laguna. Him and his gun...." He shook his fist.
"I WILL destroy them, if it's the last thing I do!"
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Maia: *sobs* And so, I must once again descend into the prison called school... but this is pre-written, so don't fear, there WILL indeed be updates. Until next time, ciao! ^_^