Maia: Peace. For the original story behind Kera and Helen, which is the very first story that we ever wrote (so it's not very good... but it's still funny!) visit ht tp: // digitalland .envy .nu/ fanfics/kuja battle .htm ^_^ (remove all spaces)
Think 'Sixth Sense' spoof for this chapt...

Disclaimer: You know it, we know it, do we really need to go through all this again?!

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Back to Our "Heroes"....
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All the "heroes" trudged back into the castle, after they had found it again. Tired and depressed, they sat on the cold floor for a moment, Lee resting on Sephiroth, Laguna kind of...vibrating...in his sleep and Rikku resting her head on Auron's shoulder and he rested his head on top of hers. Lee looked up.
"Hey, look, you guys aren't trying to kill each other!" she said happily to Auron and Rikku. Their eyes snapped open and they sat bolt upright, then glared at each other. Auron held up his hands to strangle Rikku, but then said "Meh", and waved his hand lazily, before falling asleep again. Rikku shrugged and fell asleep on his shoulder again.
Lee sweat dropped.
"Uh.... Hey..Um...Why don't we go see Kuja?" Lee suggested.
"Why would we want to go see that little gir—I mean...guy..." Auron said nervously, changing his insult in mid-sentence after a baleful glare from Lee.
"Because, he seems to always be around when Dr. 666 shows up. We can hang out there, have some cookies, and wait for our little doctor to show," Sephiroth remarked casually.
"M'kay," Rikku replied, standing and stretching. Auron stood and slung an arm around Rikku's shoulders.
"My, they seem to have made up..." Sephiroth gossiped to Lee, using his hand to cover his mouth.
"Tell me about it..." Lee replied quietly.
They made their way to a closet, up on the top floor of the castle. Lee opened the door to the closet and they all walked in.
There was a flash, then they stood on the door step of Kuja's house. Lee knocked and the door opened and Helen stood there, a frying pan in one hand. She waved in a cute-girl fashion.
"H~i. Ku~ja's having prob~lems," she said in a singsong voice.
"Problems...?" Sephiroth asked with suspicion.
"Mm~hm." Helen smiled, closing her eyes cutely. She nodded, her pigtails flopping. Laguna had stopped bouncing and stared at Helen, his eyes wide.
"So...so cute...."
Everyone sweatdropped. Helen smiled and hit Laguna over the head with her frying pan. There was a resounding clang. Laguna stumbled back and sat down.
"Not...so cute..."
Kera came to the door. "I heard a clang, Helen, who's—" She saw the group standing at the door. "Oh, hey everyone."
"Hey Kera," the group said in unison.
"Kuja's having problems?" Lee asked with concern.
"Yes... Ever since the Curse of Dr. 666..." She shook her head sadly. "Please come in."
She led them into the house, where they were instantly bombarded by Kuja's mother with chocolate chip cookies. They all sat down, forgetting about Kuja for a moment as they ate cookies and milk.
Kera left for a moment to go and check up on Kuja. Coming back, she shook her head again.
"He's getting worse... I think he knows you're here."
They all followed Kera into the kitchen and saw a huddled mound of shivering blankets in the corner. Kera plucked a few off and they saw a disheveled Kuja. He yelped and grabbed the blankets back with a childish "Nnno!" and huddled under the blankets again.
"He's been like this since the end of Curse of Dr. 666. Ever since you guys supposedly killed the doctor. Kuja says he has visions of the future."
"Die! Death! Morphine!! DEATH!!" Kuja cried, muffled from under the blankets.

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Kuja's Flashback... Of about a week ago...
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Kuja was sitting, huddled in a dark corner. It was cold. Cold everywhere. He could see his breath as mist in front of him. He shivered uncontrollably.
Looking up as the door slowly creaked open, he cried out in a frightened voice, "Who goes there?!"
"Kuja...What are you doing?!" It was Kera.
She kneeled in front of him and he stared at her, his face even more pale than usual. He whispered in a frightened voice, "I see...Dr. 666... It's so... so cold...."
Kera sighed, exasperated. "Kuja... I promise you won't be as cold if you come OUT OF THE DEEP FREEZE!!!"
Kuja looked slowly around, seeing that he was in the walk-in freezer. He tried to remember why he had come there in the first place.
"Oh...It was so...so hot outside..."
"I can't see how you're ever hot, with what you wear..." Kera said.
He looked scornfully at her. "It was hot."
Kera glared. "You have about a thousand fans in your room. You took all of ours! And from around the house! I don't see how you can be hot!"
He thought back to his room. The demon place, where there was a window. HE could jump in, unexpectedly.
"It was...unsafe..." he said carefully, regaining his composure to fight with his sister.
"There are about forty locks on your window."
"It's unsafe. And I didn't bring the fans into my room. It was the unseen forces of evil."
"....I saw you unplugging my fan and carrying it into your room. I don't see how that is an unseen force unless somehow you're invisible because of that sheet you put over you."
Kuja thought back, sweatdropping. "I magicked that sheet!"
"You swirled it around yourself and cried 'Invisibility cloak!'"
"You were watching?!"
"Yes. I know all and see all in this house. I also happened to be coming around the corner."
"Damn."
"Yes... Let's get you up to your room. You need to sleep."
She took him up to his room and tucked him into the bed. He looked fearfully out at the darkened sky.
"Don't worry Kuja," Kera told him and left.
As Kuja tried to sleep, he kept hearing scratching at his window. He opened his eyes slowly and, lo and behold, he saw Dr. 666.
He screamed and started to cry. Kera, Helen and their mother ran in. "What's wrong?!" Helen cried, rubbing her eyes sleepily, still managing a cute-girl smile.
Kuja mumbled incoherently, rocking back and forth, his arms wrapped around huddled knees.
Kera went to the window and tried to undo the forty locks. When she couldn't, she broke the glass.
"Here's your Dr. 666!" she cried, holding up a fluffy white kitty. It purred cutely. Everyone except Kuja gathered around the kitty, stroking it and cooing. Kuja looked at it and it stared at him and hissed evilly.
Kera sweatdropped. "Oooookkaaayyy... no more kitty...." She unceremoniously dropped the kitty back out the window. They heard a clunk and someone profoundly swearing.
Kera looked out the window and saw Dr. 666, with a large dent in his hat. He rubbed his head, then gasped and picked up the kitty. He stroked it and cried, "I'm gonna take you home with me! You can be my assistant!"
The kitty hissed at him and he sweatdropped. "Or not...." He hurled the kitty unceremoniously away and they watched it fly over the horizon.
They all heard it scream, "Merow'll be back!"
They all stood there, sweatdropping, silent. Suddenly, out of the blue, Helen said cutely, "I want Jell-O!"
Their mother soundlessly took Helen to get some Jell-O, leaving Kera, Kuja, and Dr. 666, who was still outside the window. Kera took out her bazooka and blew Dr. 666 away.
"Daaaannnnnnnngggggg iiiiiiitttttttt!!!!!!!!!"
Kera boarded up the window and Kuja ran from the room, under his blankets, down to the kitchen, where he is today....

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Back to the present...
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"Yesssss......" Lee sweatdropped.
"And this is what the outcome was?" Sephiroth asked, pointing at the blankets.
"Yep," Kera told him. She handed a bowl of Jell-O to Kuja. "Here, Kuja, have some Jell-O."
Kuja took the bowl, but not the spoon, and they heard slurping as he ate it from the bowl.
"So... Dr. 666 was here?" Rikku asked.
"Yeah...I'm afraid he comes almost once a week now. He seems determined to hunt poor Kuja down...." Kera said.
"Awwwwwwwwwwwww....." Lee gave Kuja a comforting hug. "Poor Kuja..."
Kuja shivered.

TBC.