Maia: The insanity has returned. Fear us. This is a direct continuation from the last chapt. Like a sort of 'I see Dr. 666 pt. 2' kind of thing...
Disclaimer: How many times do I have to say this before you people get the picture?

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"Um... Hey, look at this!" Auron said, holding up a little ball. "It's a video clip from Maia!"
They all watched the video clip of Maia and Cloud. It now seemed they were in the Slayers world....
Maia sat there, eating a sandwich with Cloud. Suddenly, it burned up in her hands. Maia turned red in anger.
"Who did that?!" she screamed.
Xelloss popped out and sweatdropped, his eyes still closed. He placed a hand on the back of his neck.
"Sorry...I thought it was something else...."
"What did you think it was?!" Cloud yelled.
Xelloss backed up, his smile fading a little. Then he leaned forward and opened one eye, placing a finger to his lips. "Sore wa himitsu desu," he told them with a grin.
Maia waved her hands in the air. "No, no, wait...wait... Brainwave... Lemme guess... You thought it was an unimportant Claire Bible manuscript, that we couldn't be bothered with reading, right?" Maia asked. Xelloss closed his other eye again and sweatdropped.
"Maybe...."
"That still doesn't compensate for my dead sandwich!" Maia screamed and hurled herself at Xelloss, wrapping her arms around his neck in a strangle hold, choking him.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow..." Xelloss moaned. "Please... I get enough from Lina..."
Maia released him and turned all sunshine and roses. "Okay then. Come. Lee wants me to get a photo shot of you." She whispered to him, "I think she likes you...."
Xelloss sweatdropped, his eyes closed. Maia led him away.
The screen panned over to the lake, where a tiny boat with all the unmentioned-in-this-clip characters sat. A bunch of them threw Zelgadis overboard as an anchor, Zelgadis screaming, and the video clip ended.
Sephiroth turned to Lee, who backed up, closing her eyes in a Xelloss fashion.
"Who likes who now?" he asked suspiciously.
She smiled and placed a finger to her lips, opening one eye. "Sore wa himitsu desu."
Sephiroth pouted for a moment, then said, "So, basically, we wait here until Dr. 666 comes to finish off Kuja?" He cringed as Kuja shrieked and huddled further into his blankets with a whimper.
Lee blinked and shushed Sephiroth, then patted Kuja's head...or where his head might have been under the blankets. "Kuja..." she cooed. "Come out and we'll make you sane again..."
"....Sane?" was the muffled, tiny reply.
"Yesss...sane..." Lee told him.
Suddenly there was a villainous laugh as a saw started sawing a hole in the door. Everyone looked up and sweatdropped as Dr. 666 stepped into the kitchen through the hole, throwing away his regular saw and bringing out his morphine saw.
Kuja screamed and jumped up, shedding the blankets and tearing out of the room like the wind, screaming in terror. Dr. 666 started after him, but Lee stood in the way.
"Excuse me, small insignificant bug. Please don't chase him. He's not having a pleasant day," she told him civilly, though an anime angry thing appeared on her head.
Kera stood beside Lee and smiled pleasantly. "Yes, please refrain from terrorizing my brother any further."
Helen stood on Lee's other side and, instead of saying anything, just bonked Dr. 666 over the head with her frying pan, in an extremely cute little girl way.
Laguna got big puppy dog eyes again. "Sooo...so cute..."
Sephiroth went up behind Dr. 666 and picked him up. "You're very light, you know. You should eat more."
Auron eyed Dr. 666. "Yeah, you're scrawny."
Rikku poked the black mage. "And quite ugly."
Dr. 666 started swinging his tiny fists, spinning in Sephiroth's grip. "Lemme go! I don't deserve this whatsoever! Lemme go, you ingrates!"
"Where can we put him where he won't do harm?" Sephiroth asked, inclining his head backwards to avoid Dr. 666's swings and kicks.
Kera thought about this. "Hrm...We could put him in the deep freeze, but then....Kuja may already be there.... How about the cellar?"
"The cellar?" Lee asked.
"Mmm hmm... Let's put him there," Kera told them and beckoned for Sephiroth to follow.
They opened the doors to the cellar as Dr. 666 finally landed a kick on Sephiroth's face.
"Ow, ow, ow... I hope you die down there!" he shouted and tossed the black mage into the dark cellar unceremoniously.
"Is there anything down there?" Rikku asked as they shut the doors.
"But of course. Watch," Kera instructed. She jabbed a button on the wall and half the floor slid away to reveal a glass floor. They saw two large creatures, a silver one and a blue one.
"What are those?" Auron asked.
"Waiiitttt for it..." Kera told them, smiling wickedly.
Helen and Laguna didn't watch, they played, Laguna bouncing Helen on his knees.
"Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy," Laguna cooed happily.
"Boingy, boingy, boingy, boingy!" Helen shrieked joyfully.
The rest of them turned to Kera. "How old is she?" they asked in unison.
"Urm... Six," Kera told them. "The funny thing is, she learned to fight when she was three. She's held that frying pan since she was two."
"No wonder she's so weird..." Lee demurred, then turned back to watch in the cellars.
Sephiroth stood by Lee, clutching his face. "Ow... Bloody doctor. Hate him, hate, hate, hate, hate."
Kera left for a moment, then returned with Kuja, her hands on his shoulders. "Here, Kuja. Watching this will make you sane again."
Kuja looked up at her hopefully. "Sane? Really?"
"Yes..."
Sephiroth murmured blackly, "Despise, loathe, detest."
"Sephy-san, it's okay. It's not that bad," Lee told him. Sephiroth pouted.
"Hate that little monster."
"Don't worry, Sephiroth. Watch the cellar. Your face shall be avenged," Kera told him, pointing down to the cellar.
Dr. 666 cowered in between the two creatures, shaking.
"Gah! DRAGONS!!!!!" he screamed and the dragons awoke. They backed him into a corner, cutting off any escape with their wings. Dr. 666 ran to one side, frantically, then dodged to the other side, then to the front, trying to escape. He bounced against a silver wing and hit the wall.
"Ow, ow, ow...."
"FIE, PUNY MORTAL MAGE! YOU DARE TO UPSET MY MASTERS?!" the silver dragon roared.
"I swear, I did nothing!" Dr. 666 protested, cowering.
"YOU MUST HAVE, FOR THEY THREW YOU DOWN HERE!" the blue dragon argued, loudly.
"I scared Kuja into a frenzied state of psychotics!" he confessed, throwing himself at their mercy.
"HOW DARE YOU SCARE MY MASTER!" the silver dragon shouted.
"I didn't mean to!!!" Dr. 666 wailed.
"ENOUGH! PUT HIM IN...THE BOX!!!" the blue dragon ordered.
The silver dragon picked up Dr. 666 with two claws and carried him towards a small box. Dr. 666 struggled and tried to morphine the dragon. The needle broke. Dr. 666 sweatdropped.
"NOOOO!!! MY NEEDLE!!!!" Dr. 666 wailed.
Without further ado, the silver dragon stuffed Dr. 666 into a tiny box, with a little air vent in it. The mage had to curl up into a tiny ball, just to be able to fit. He whimpered as they shut the small door.
Dusting off their claws, the dragons laughed and began to talk, their voices much quieter.
"So, that was amusing, was it not?" the blue dragon asked.
"Damn straight!" the silver dragon replied, all smiles and sunshine. They sat down on their haunches, as a microwave oven dinged and the silver dragon reached over and took out some microwave Poptarts. The blue dragon got some decaf coffee for them. They sat there, laughing and drinking coffee and eating Poptarts.
Everyone stared at them, besides Kuja and Kera and Helen, because they were used to it. Lee, Sephiroth, Rikku and Auron sweatdropped. Laguna smiled crazily.
Kuja sighed and stretched, yawning. "I think I may be cured!" he announced. He smiled at everyone and gave a peace sign.
"Huzzah!" Lee cried, giving him a hug. Kuja looked over at Sephiroth and stuck out his tongue. Sephiroth shook a fist at Kuja and mouthed "I still win", placing a hand on his hurt face again. Kuja sweatdropped.
Kera pushed the button again, telling the others that they didn't want to watch the dragons eats. From below, they heard Dr. 666 screaming dire threats. They heard the blue dragon shout back, "My talon is longer than your puny needle, small black creature in a doctor coat!! Hush!!"
They stood there, listening to the doctor and the blue dragon argue. Suddenly, Kuja's dragon poked his head out from the cellar, all happy and sickly looking.
"Morphine! Whee!!!" he cried. Kuja screamed and ran away. The dragon sweatdropped and called out, "Kuja, I'm just screwing with you! Come back!"
Helen wapped the silver dragon over the head with her frying pan while Kera brought her fist down on his head.
"Ow, ow, ow..." the dragon moaned.
"Don't do that! He's severely fragile at the moment!" Kera yelled at the silver dragon.
Auron tapped his head and said, "He should have a strong mind, like me!"
"Yeah, an incredibly thick-skull, more like it..." Rikku muttered darkly.
"Yeah, a thick—Hey!" Auron shouted and turned to Rikku, who smiled sweetly. Auron wrapped his hands around Rikku's neck and strangled her.
"...Is that child abuse, or just plain physical abuse?" Sephiroth asked.
"I dunno..." Lee murmured back to him. "Um...Let's go and get Kuja," she suggested to Sephiroth. They inched off, the sounds of Rikku gagging getting quieter.
"Kuja....?" Lee called out. Kuja dashed out from behind a corner and ran into them. Lee hugged him and Sephiroth patted him awkwardly on the head.
"Are you okay, Kuja?" Lee asked him. Kuja nodded and smiled.
"Is the dragon okay?" he questioned.
"Yes. He was just joking," Sephiroth told him.
"...I hate him."
Lee didn't reply, but started to tickle Kuja. "I didn't get to tickle you at the start of the fic, so I shall tickle you now!"
After a bout of insanity, Kuja and Sephiroth turned on Lee and tickled her.
"Help! Help me!" she cried out, laughing.
"Are you okay?!"
Rikku and Auron ran in, Rikku red in the face, with finger marks on her neck. Auron looked ticked off.
"Of course we're okay," all three replied in unison.
"Okay. Good," Auron said, smiling. "Now, if you'll excuse me..." he said matter-of-factly, turning and shoving Rikku into the wall and wrapping his hands around her neck. "I'll kill you!"
Rikku wriggled away, and Auron tripped her and straddled her to the ground and jammed his elbow onto her neck, trying to crush her windpipe.
Kuja, Sephiroth and Lee stared at them with wide eyes.
Rikku screamed out a couple times, "Child abuse! Harassment! Rape!!!"
A hologram appeared out of the floor. It was Maia. Lots of smoke swirled around her.
"Ohh.. Special effects..." Kuja said in awe, wide eyed. "Again. How come you almost always have cool smoke or pretty lights?"
Maia turned around and screamed out, "Vash, turn off that smoke blower thingy!"
They heard some murmurs, then Maia turned back. "Hey guys. Oh, and, Rikku? It's not rape until...um...uh... Nevermind... Um, well, I came to ask you...are you ever gonna continue your quest? Are you gonna stay here, continue or go back to the castle? Hey—Cloud! Stoppit!"
"Me wanna try!"
"Screw off! You'll break my connection!"
"Ooohhh..."
"Anyway. I—" Xelloss appeared and smiled happily.
"What cool technology. You know, we didn't have this back when *I* was a kid..."
"Go away Xelloss!" Maia screamed and shoved him aside. "Okay... After that interruption..." She waved her hand and a map appeared. "Okay, you see, Dr. 666 has escaped the cellar, quite quickly, for some reason. He's traveling away pretty fast," she informed them and pointed to a little back dot that was traveling away from the house. "About 40 miles an hour... No...wait...40... centimeters and hour... Heh heh. Look at this." She zoomed in and they saw a little box, the one Dr. 666 had been shoved into, rolling away slowly. "Kee hee. That's pathetic."
Everyone burst out laughing, even Kuja. Lee and Sephiroth leaned against each other and slid to the floor. Auron looked up from his child abuse/harassment/rape of Rikku and laughed, Rikku laughing, though the sound was choked and gaggy.
Maia stopped for a moment and glanced at Auron. "Um... Just a suggestion, but...shouldn't you stop killing Rikku now?"
There was a sizzle and Maia's connection was fried, mostly. The picture faded, but they heard Maia talking to Cloud. "Aw... Cloudy, don't worry about it."
"But I wanted to pway wiv it."
They all sat there quietly for a moment, then Auron stood and let Rikku up. They walked off, Auron slinging an arm around Rikku's shoulders and kissing her on the cheek.
Kuja arched an eyebrow and turned to the others. "My, they seemed to have made up quickly..."
"Tell me about it," Lee and Sephiroth said in unison.
An email popped up. Lee opened it and read it. "Hey, it's the end of the email from Maia. Should we get Auron and Rikku?"
"I don't think they'll care. By now, they're probably raping each other..." Sephiroth said, shuddering. Kuja slapped him over the head.
A little PS appeared on the end of the email. "Sephiroth, rape is only if it's forced... XD"
Sephiroth sweatdropped.
"Okay then, they're having hot, steamy se—" Kuja said, before Lee wrapped a hand over his mouth and whacked him over the head with her other hand.
"Think of the children!!!" she shouted, looking over at Helen. Helen was on Laguna's knee, bouncing up and down. "Namely, your little sister!!!"
"Ah, yes, yes. Sowwy," Kuja said, hanging his head in shame. Lee patted his head and looked down at Helen who came to stand by them.
She pulled on Kuja's skirt thingy and said, "Kujy? I wuv Waguna. I want to mawwy him!"
Kuja bent down and ruffled her hair, smiling. "Now, now, you're too young to have a boyfriend and get married. You need to grow up and get a good edumacation and—"
"Did you just say 'edumacation'?" Sephiroth said, wide eyed in surprise.
"Um...uh..." Kuja stammered. "Um.... no?" He hung his head in shame again.
Lee huggled him and said, "Don't worry about it. You're smarter than anyone I know." After she told him, she looked up at Sephiroth and shook her head, mouthing, "No, you are. You're sooo smart!"
Sephiroth smiled smugly and nodded.
An email popped up and Lee opened it. It was another from Maia.

"Hey,
Sorry. Forgot to send you this. Have fun. ^_^
~Maia"

Maia and Cloud were sitting in a Trigun themed bar, sipping some kind of drink. Maia appeared to be drinking a pop and Cloud had a milkshake.
Legato sat in a dark, dark corner, holding a knife and running it lightly up and down his wrist.
"Must...kill...Hate...life... Hate, hate, hate, hate... World...simply pain..."
Maia came over to him and took the knife from him and put it in her pocket. Legato held out a hand and whimpered pathetically. Turning, he began to bang his head on the wall.
"Must... ow... knock....ow....self...out...ow...then...maybe I'll...ow...die..."
Maia slid her hand over the wall where he was banging his head on. He looked up at her. "Why are you trying to fix this?" he wailed.
"Because it's what I do," Maia said with a smile. Vash came over with a box of doughnuts and shoved one into Legato's mouth.
"Here, Legato! Enjoy!"
Legato tried to chew it, choking a little. Then he smiled and swallowed the whole thing. "Mmmm...Honey... Sweet..."
Vash plopped a strawberry sundae down in front of him and handed him a spoon. "Dig in!"
Legato took a bite and then began to eat really quickly.
"Ah, I won't destroy the world or myself, just because of sweets! Sweets! They make the world go 'round!"

Author's note: Yes, yes they do. Just make sure you have a toothbrush as well. ^_~

Maia looked at Vash. "You fixed him that easily?"
"Well, yeah. I mean, it's better than what I did last time. I mean, I SHOT him in the head! Oh, God, I'm a horrible, horrible, horrible person! The blood, and the pain and the massacre and..." He began to cry pathetically.
Maia patted him on the shoulder and said, "It's okay. It was just a TV show. I mean, you didn't even kill him!"
"I know but *sniff*..."
Maia shoved a doughnut into his mouth and sat him down. As she did, Knives slunk in through the saloon-like door. Everyone looked at him as the door squeaked. Knives looked up and smiled nervously.
"Um...uh... Nothing to see here! Go about your daily, drunken business, thank you!" He slid over and sat down in a chair at the same table as Maia, Cloud, Vash and Legato, who had joined them, wolfing down his second sundae, this time a blueberry one.
"Yo, what up?" he said to them all. They stared at him.
"Um... Knives, don't you have an... 'appointment'?" Maia asked.
Knives went wide eyed and frowned and took out a little black book. Reading through it, he looked up finally and said in a civil voice, "Yes, I believe I do."
He stood and pocketed his book, turning and walking away with a, "Ja ne!"
They all sweatdropped when they heard him outside chanting fanatically, and crazily, "Kill, kill, kill, kill, blood, death, murder, assassinate, hee hee hee hee!"
They all were quiet for a moment, then suddenly Wolfwood raced through the bar, buck naked. Everyone screamed, Maia hiding her eyes by burying her face on Cloud's chest. Vash screamed out, "Wolfwood, you crazy priest! That's a deadly sin! A DEADLY SIN!!! YOU FOOL!!!!!!"
They all heard Wolfwood scream back, "Do you think it particularly matters?!"
Cloud patted Maia on the head, grinning stupidly.
Lee looked up, bewildered and a little sickened. "She managed to record ALL THAT, even though she wasn't even watching the last part?"
Sephiroth shrugged. "Meh. I'm sure she's used to it."
Everyone who had been watching shrugged in unison and said, "Meh."
Auron and Rikku came out, both red in the face. Auron fanned himself and said, "Whoo, is it hot in here, or is it just you, Rikku?"
Everyone shuddered, Kuja turning around and rubbing his temples, murmuring over and over, "Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts..." He beckoned to Kera. "Come here sister of mine and think happy thoughts with me."
Lee gagged and closed her eyes, shaking her head and chanting, "Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean..."
Sephiroth shuddered and shook his head back and forth a couple times.
Helen and Laguna didn't notice and continued with their "Bouncy, bouncy bouncy, boingy, boingy, boingy!".
Lee looked up. "Well, it seems we have at least a couple un-tainted minds in this room."
"I'm not too sure about Laguna..." Sephiroth murmured.
"Why's that?"
"Ever notice how much he smiles? I think he's hiding something..." Sephiroth glared suspiciously.
Lee looked up, a suspicious expression on her face. "Yes...but what?"

TBC