Maia: PH34R! PH34R T3H L33TN355! *gets smacked by her muses* (Translation: Fear! Fear the leetness!) Sorry.... Anyway... after that bout of insanity, I let you enjoy the mass weirdness! ^_^

Last time on The Return of Dr. 666....

"I'm not too sure about Laguna..." Sephiroth murmured.
"Why's that?"
"Ever notice how much he smiles? I think he's hiding something..." Sephiroth glared suspiciously.
Lee looked up, a suspicious expression on her face. "Yes...but what?"

-----------------------

Everyone in the room, excluding Helen and Laguna, looked up as a loud, ominous background music blared out "Dun dun dun!" Everyone looked around for the source of the sound.
"What the hell...?" Lee and Sephiroth said in unison.
Auron turned serious and grabbed Laguna by the collar and threw him into a chair. Kera turned out the lights and Sephiroth swung Laguna to face him and shone an interrogation lamp into Laguna's face.
"Where were you on the night of August the fifteenth?! Talk, you maggot!" Auron yelled in his face.
Laguna blinked and said, "But, it's only August the fourteenth..."
"Okay then, where WILL you be on the night of August the fifteenth?!" Auron shouted out.
"Um...where ever we're gonna be?" he asked, arching an eyebrow and sweatdropping.
Lee and Rikku strode past him and glared intimidatingly at him.
A phone rang out and Laguna held up his pointer finger and said, "Hold a moment." He picked up his cell phone and opened it up. "Hello? This is Mister Laguna. You want your import of crack? Um...listen this is a reaaaallllyyy bad time...."
Everyone sweatdropped. Sephiroth grabbed the cell phone and yelled into it, "He'll call you back later, crack user!" and threw the cell phone over his shoulder.
Laguna stood up, looking all evil. "Okay, cat's out of the bag. How typical of you all. I'm not really Laguna. I'm really...." He spread his arms and shouted out "Ta da!"
"Umn...so, who are you?" Lee asked, confused. "You never said a name. You just said 'ta da'..."
"Oh...Um... Well, I'm not really Laguna."
"Then where's Laguna?" Sephiroth said.
The fake Laguna pointed over to the couch where Laguna and Helen were still playing. "Um...he's right there...."
Rikku ran over and hit Laguna over the head. "I don't trust either of these Lagunas!" She started yanking at Laguna's face. "This isn't Laguna! It's A MASK!" She tugged a little more, then sweatdropped. "Well, his face looked so superficial, it looked like a mask. Honest mistake."
The fake Laguna blinked. "Um.. I'll just be going now..." he trailed off and ducked out to grab his cell phone. He ran to the door to find Sephiroth standing there.
"Hold it right there! I will not have you passing out drugs to all those innocent children! Why, I was once a child, and I know that children on drugs are not happy children. Not that *I* used drugs, but I had friends who did and they were the unhappiest group of little children you ever did see! And—" He looked up to find that the fake Laguna was running away. "Aw, nuts. There goes this generation."
Kera ran to the door and pulled out her bazooka. "Not while I'm around!" She fired and they heard a scream. Kera went out and grabbed the fake Laguna and dragged him into the house and threw him down into the dragon cellar.
Sephiroth struck a heroic, clichéd anime pose. "And the world is diverted from crisis once again! Thanks to the heroic, handsome, charming, intelligent, long-haired, GORGEOUS bishonen, Sephiroth!"
Kera arched an eyebrow. "You didn't do anything... I did everything."
Sephiroth pouted and Lee patted him on the arm, whispering to him, "It was ALL you..."
Kera sweatdropped. "What ever..."
Rikku peered down into the cellar at the fake Laguna. "Shouldn't we go and see who he really is?"
They all went down into the cellar, the dragons holding the fake Laguna between them. The fake Laguna shivered in fear and pleaded wordlessly.
"Okay. Who are you?" Sephiroth asked, pointing his Masamune at the fake Laguna, trying to make up for his earlier shame.
Lee stood beside Sephiroth and crossed her arms. "Yeah, tell us..."
"Or what?" fake Laguna spat.
"I'll make you swallow this sword..." Sephiroth said calmly. Fake Laguna gulped.
"Okay, okay....I'm...a failed clone of...Dr. 666..." he said heavily.
"Oh, good God, there is no God!!!" Kuja screamed and tore from the room, shrieking in terror. Kera shook her head and followed him while the others sweatdropped.
"What's with him?" the clone asked. Everyone shook their heads and sweatdropped again.
There was a silence, the sounds of "bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, boingy, boingy, boingy" was heard from upstairs. After a longer silence, a tumbleweed rolled across the floor. Everyone blinked.
Auron glared at the tumbleweed and screamed out "I'll kill you!!" and lunged at the tumbleweed, tearing it up and putting it in a bucket of water.
"...What's with him?" the clone asked again.
"....Now that, we don't know...." Rikku said, eyes wide....

-----------------------------
Auron's flashback...20 years ago...
-----------------------------

A sixteen-year-old Auron was strolling down a sidewalk, swinging his arms and whistling happily. He had just come from his most recent "How to Cook Delicious Delectibles" class.
He stopped at a corner, placing a hand to his chest and saying to himself, "Cooking! Now that's a man's job!"

Note: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! YEAH RIGHT!!!! ^^ AURON?!? COOKING?!?

The street light changed and he began to cross. Just as he was crossing, a speeding tumbleweed plowed him over, knocking him to the ground.
Looking up, he shook his fist at it and shouted out, "You stupid little ball of twigs! I'll kill you!!" He jumped up and raced after it.
Chasing it out into an open area, he stopped at the sight of about twenty tumbleweeds lined up on the hill above him.
All of them started to roll down the hill and then they all hit him and started to roll all over him.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Auron cried, covering his head with his arms and screaming for help.

-----------------------
Back to the present
-----------------------

"What an...odd...flashback..." Lee said slowly, eyes wide in bafflement.
All the others, even the clone, nodded, all of their eyes wide. Auron glanced around him, then sweatdropped. Gazing sidelong at the bucket with the tumbleweed in it, he shook his fist at it.
"Death to all tumbleweeds...."
"...You know, doesn't water FUEL plants...?" Lee asked.
"What? I don't.... CRAP!!!!" Auron shouted, looking at the bucket. A bunch of smaller tumbleweeds spawned from the bucket, making a very good impression of Mickey Mouse and the broomsticks.
"HOLY HELL!" Auron shouted and pulled out his gigantic sword. Bashing all the tumbleweeds to dust, he stood there and panted. "Who's the genius NOW?! Huh? HUH?!"
Rikku blinked. "Genius?"
Sephiroth arched an eyebrow. "Auron, back...away...from...the tumbleweeds..."
Auron took a step back, then looked down at the tumbleweed remains. "DEAR GOD! THEY'RE FORMING AGAIN!!!!" he screeched like a little girl.
Sephiroth took a match, lit it and set the tumbleweed remains on fire. "There. No tumbleweeds. Happy?"
The flaming tumbleweed remains slowly formed into a large flaming tumbleweed, which slowly began to roll after Auron.
Sephiroth raised both eyebrows. "I dunno what tumbleweeds have against you, but it's not my problem any longer."
A ghost of the tumbleweed appeared from the smoke and began to roll the flaming tumbleweed faster. Auron squealed like a little school girl and jumped onto a chair.
Lee stepped forward and dumped the bucket of water on it and stepped on it, grinding her foot into the ground.
"There. Dead. -_-"
Rikku looked up at Auron. "I have a lower opinion of you now..."
There was a silence for a moment again, then an email popped up again, from Maia.

Maia: Is there anyone else? ^_~

"Look! It be from Maia!" Lee cried, sitting down and opening the email. "Ooh. Another video clip. ^^"
"Lesse," Sephiroth said, sitting beside Lee. Lee opened the video clip.
Maia, Cloud and Xelloss sat in the Dragonball Z world, eating rice with Goku...well, kind of. Cloud, Maia and Xelloss watched in amazement as Goku ate rapidly, one bowl after another.
After eating, they all stood up and went outside, where Krilin and Yaumcha were training.
Krilin ran up and circled Cloud. "Wow! Are you a Super Saiyan? I mean, your hair..."
Yaumcha stood beside Krilin and nodded. "Don't forget the eyes, dude. Definitely the eyes."
Cloud blinked, an oblivious expression on his face. "What? What's a Saiyan? I no Saiyan..."
"Awww... Poor Cloudy..." Maia cooed.
Xelloss grinned and tapped Cloud on the head with his staff, causing a bright, Saiyan-ish light to emit from Cloud.
"He IS a Saiyan!" Krilin, Yaumcha and Goku cried.
Xelloss wiped off his hands in satisfaction, grinning happily. Maia lightly thwacked him over the head.
"That was mean... Look what you're putting him through..." She pointed at Cloud, who was getting punches and kicks thrown at him from every which way.
Xelloss grinned. "I'm evil; I know."
Because a lot of characters weren't mentioned, all of the non-mentioned characters ran through, waving colored flags and blowing noise makers. Vegeta followed slowly after, his arms crossed, a party hat sitting crookedly on his head. He gave everyone a darkling look and sat down, scowling.
The video clip ended. Sephiroth laughed. "Ha ha ha... Stupid Cloud... ^_^v"
Lee glomped Sephy and huggled him around the neck. "You're so CUTE when you're evil! ^o^"
Sephiroth choked. "No...arms..'round...necckkk.... x_x" He passed out from lack of oxygen.
Lee pouted. "Seppppphhhyyyy-sama.... @_@"
Kuja sat down cross-legged a little ways from Sephy and poked him with a stick. "Ahh... Good times...." Kuja said happily, smiling like a mad man, while prodding Sephiroth.
"Urm... We should go now...." Lee suggested, grabbing one of Sephiroth's arms and dragging him to the front door. "Let's go, guys."
Laguna stood, Helen crying as he tried to leave. "Nooo.... No weave me... Laguny-sama... ;_;"
Laguna turned, a serious expression on his face. "I'm sorry. But...I must go! The world needs me! I need to go...to protect you..."
Helen sobbed and kissed Laguna on the nose. "*sniffles* But...I nweed yoo, too..."
Laguna blinked away a tear and began to sing "My Heart Will Go On", Helen joining in. They sang the whole darn song.
Maia, three worlds over, began to scream. "AAAHHH!!! KILL IT!!! NO GOOD!!! ME SMASH SONG!!!!" *rage* *anger*
Xelloss smiled. "It's a nice song.. I've never heard it before... *sigh*"
"ME SMASH!!! KILL!!! MAIA SMASH SONG!!!!!" Maia stomped around in primeval anger, incoherent.
Cloud looked over at Maia, then crept towards her and patted her on the head. "Cloud calm Maia?"
Maia sighed, sitting on the ground, rubbing her temples. "I despise that song. I've heard it many too many times..."
Xelloss smiled. "It's a nice song. Very purty."
"NOT IF YOU'VE HEARD IT A MILLION TIMES!!!!" She took another deep breath, sprawled out on the ground and took a nap.
Cloud and Xelloss sweatdropped.

-------------------------

TBC