Zelda: The Untold Adventure of Link
Chapter 5
Bug-eyed, Link strained to think logically. He found this hard after such trauma early in his day. All he could focus on was that monkey, glaring evilly at him; he couldn't seem to break eye contact with it. "Hey, it's a monkey," Link thought nonchalantly. "Know what that monkey reminds me of? That monkey from Pirates of the Caribbean. That monkey was scary. Johnny Depp was really hot, though…. Whoa did I just think that??" Meanwhile the clown was preparing another Verse of Doom.
"There once was a man from Venus..--" But before the clown could finish, Navi, who had realized Link was completely spacing out, darted towards the clown to distract it. The monkey was instantly delighted and it swiped the air trying to catch the nimble fairy.
Link's "trance" seemed to have been broken and he thought clearly once again. With his eyes, he searched everywhere on the clown who was just as distracted as the monkey by Navi. Link remembered from past experience that usually a weak spot on an enemy would stand out. Then he noticed a glowing… thing on the clown's lower chest. That must be it. He glanced to make sure the time was right to make his move.
Navi, on the other hand was a tad busy putting up with some abuse to buy Link some time. The monkey had decided to have a little fun by cupping the fairy in its primate hands which made her luminous glow disappear. Then it would open them and the light would shine again. When this happened, the monkey would make monkey noises and the clown would laugh like a thick-headed Neanderthal. For someone who was able to pull a rhythmic poem out of his ass, this guy was a tad slow on the uptake.
After taking aim, Link lowered his head, intending on head butting the "weak spot" because he had nothing else to attack with besides his hard Hylian head. He began a mad dash toward his target. "HYYYYYAAAAAAAHHH!!"
The clown looked up just in time to see Link sprinting towards him.
THWANG-G-G-G-G!!! Link flew backward and landed square on his behind and looked up at the towering figure which hadn't budged an inch, dumbfounded.
"Neener neener… boo boo,
A childish exclamation,
But truth I speak, that thing you smacked,
Was merely decoration."
Link was starting to get frustrated by the lack of mobility he had and the increasing pain that shot through him each time the clown rhymed. "Gah, what the frick! Enough with the fruity poet crap! Out with it!" And in Angry Link language, that meant 'Why, I say good sir, please do explain what you mean by such nonsense!'
So the poetic clown did Link a favor and dumbed it down with a gangsta rap.
"Lookie here, dawg, my homie yo G,
You fell right ova n'you ran inta me.
You dent it and you're handin' me some big cha-ching,
Cuz that's my fav'rit piece o' stylin' bling bling."
Link almost expected the clown to start break-dancing after that scary presentation. After the pain this rhyme inflicted passed and he was able to move again, it sank in. That wasn't a weak spot! It was a gold-plated pendant about the size of a tea saucer dangling from a chain around the clown's neck! And now that he looked closer he saw that engraved on it were the words:
"BADD GRAMUR".
"Ok," Link thought to himself again. "Back to the drawing board." But before he got too far with his thoughts he checked to see how Navi was faring.
The monkey had lost interest in her a while ago and while Link pondered, the clown was busy readying his next attack. Link had little time. He was weakened by the previous attacks and the lump on his head was starting to make him dizzy. He knew he couldn't take even one more surge of pain so he had to act fast! But what could he do?!?
Chapter 5
Bug-eyed, Link strained to think logically. He found this hard after such trauma early in his day. All he could focus on was that monkey, glaring evilly at him; he couldn't seem to break eye contact with it. "Hey, it's a monkey," Link thought nonchalantly. "Know what that monkey reminds me of? That monkey from Pirates of the Caribbean. That monkey was scary. Johnny Depp was really hot, though…. Whoa did I just think that??" Meanwhile the clown was preparing another Verse of Doom.
"There once was a man from Venus..--" But before the clown could finish, Navi, who had realized Link was completely spacing out, darted towards the clown to distract it. The monkey was instantly delighted and it swiped the air trying to catch the nimble fairy.
Link's "trance" seemed to have been broken and he thought clearly once again. With his eyes, he searched everywhere on the clown who was just as distracted as the monkey by Navi. Link remembered from past experience that usually a weak spot on an enemy would stand out. Then he noticed a glowing… thing on the clown's lower chest. That must be it. He glanced to make sure the time was right to make his move.
Navi, on the other hand was a tad busy putting up with some abuse to buy Link some time. The monkey had decided to have a little fun by cupping the fairy in its primate hands which made her luminous glow disappear. Then it would open them and the light would shine again. When this happened, the monkey would make monkey noises and the clown would laugh like a thick-headed Neanderthal. For someone who was able to pull a rhythmic poem out of his ass, this guy was a tad slow on the uptake.
After taking aim, Link lowered his head, intending on head butting the "weak spot" because he had nothing else to attack with besides his hard Hylian head. He began a mad dash toward his target. "HYYYYYAAAAAAAHHH!!"
The clown looked up just in time to see Link sprinting towards him.
THWANG-G-G-G-G!!! Link flew backward and landed square on his behind and looked up at the towering figure which hadn't budged an inch, dumbfounded.
"Neener neener… boo boo,
A childish exclamation,
But truth I speak, that thing you smacked,
Was merely decoration."
Link was starting to get frustrated by the lack of mobility he had and the increasing pain that shot through him each time the clown rhymed. "Gah, what the frick! Enough with the fruity poet crap! Out with it!" And in Angry Link language, that meant 'Why, I say good sir, please do explain what you mean by such nonsense!'
So the poetic clown did Link a favor and dumbed it down with a gangsta rap.
"Lookie here, dawg, my homie yo G,
You fell right ova n'you ran inta me.
You dent it and you're handin' me some big cha-ching,
Cuz that's my fav'rit piece o' stylin' bling bling."
Link almost expected the clown to start break-dancing after that scary presentation. After the pain this rhyme inflicted passed and he was able to move again, it sank in. That wasn't a weak spot! It was a gold-plated pendant about the size of a tea saucer dangling from a chain around the clown's neck! And now that he looked closer he saw that engraved on it were the words:
"BADD GRAMUR".
"Ok," Link thought to himself again. "Back to the drawing board." But before he got too far with his thoughts he checked to see how Navi was faring.
The monkey had lost interest in her a while ago and while Link pondered, the clown was busy readying his next attack. Link had little time. He was weakened by the previous attacks and the lump on his head was starting to make him dizzy. He knew he couldn't take even one more surge of pain so he had to act fast! But what could he do?!?