Maia: Heh... go on, read. Disclaimers apply for the whole story.
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Lee swung her feet, in her "big kawaii Disney shoes", giggling, as Riku carried her.
Riku smiled foolishly, shaking his head. "Uh... Do you know a Sora?"
"No.... Who's she?"
"Uh... she...yes.... >_>.... _ ....Well, you see.... 'she' is my....'girl'friend...."
Maia made a face. "You're very stupid Lee. Stupid indeed."
"You know Sora? Who's she? Who!? Tellll meeeee!!!" she wailed.
Maia shook her head. "Like Riku said... his....'girl' friend.... *mumble* Baka...."
"*cry**wail**complain* I wannna knnnnooowww....." Lee cried. "Why won't you tell meeeeee?!"
"We already told you..." Maia glared.
Lee clutched her hands together, her eyes turning into big chibi/Bambi eyes. "I want my Sephy back....@__@"
"That's your fault!" Maia yelled. "And, now, Sephiroth is out to kill him--" she pointed at Riku "--and Cloud is lost! Gah!"
Riku sweatdropped and fell over. "Kill ME? What did I ever do to him?"
Lee wailed. "Nooo! And, now Sephy-sama is loooost!"
Riku patted her on the back. Looking up, he saw Sora. Riku giggled and jumped to his feet, racing over to Sora and glomping him. They both tumbled to the ground, Sora beneath Riku.
"Riku! Yaaaay!" Sora huggled Riku, who huggled him back. They both started kissing each other.
Lee sat there silently. ".....Oh! How kawaii! ^^" She ran over to Sora and Riku and huggled them both. "Be happy! Yaaaay!"
Sora blinked. "Who's she?"
"Apparently my wife. O_o"
Sora giggled. "Silly Riku."

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Sephy awoke, in the little abandoned house in Third District, Kairi sitting in a chair beside him. She grinned evilly when he opened his eyes.
"Kee hee hee hee. And, now for the LOVE MAKING!" she cried and pounced on him.
"For the love of Jeebus!" Sephiroth cried, throwing Kairi off of him and dashing out, screaming, into the dark Third District.
Kairi sat on the ground, pounding her fists. "Now I'll NEVER be able to get back at Sora!" She pounded the ground again and a spider bit her. A big lump formed on her hand. "Owwwie!" She kissed the bite lovingly and stood, glaring down at the spider. "See you in hell, punk." She stepped on it with all of her tiny little might.
As she squished the spider, another one crawled out, and another, and another. A bunch of spiders all stood around Kairi. She blinked. "Gah? O_O"
All of the spiders attacked her at once. Kairi's tiny screams could be heard throughout Traverse Town.
Poor Kairi.

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The group looked up. "Did you just hear someone scream?" Xelloss asked.
Riku and Sora looked at each other. "Sounded like Kairi -_-," they said in unison.
Maia glared. "Who cares! Let's find Cloud and get out of here! My feet hurt."
Lee patted Maia on the head. "We should go and help Kairi. She sounded....not too happy... O_o"
Maia glared.
Lee grinned and set off in the way of the scream. Maia threw up her hands and grabbed Xelloss by the arm and dragged him off in a different direction. "I need to think," she mumbled.
Lee and the others set off towards Kairi in the Third District.

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Maia and Xelloss sat in a restaurant, conversing about where they might find Cloud. The door opened and someone snuck in, though they were breathing loudly, panting.
Maia grinned. "Sephiroth. If you're gonna try to kill someone, do it right."
Sephiroth collapsed into a chair next to Maia. "That's not the problem anymore! Do you KNOW what I just went though?!"
"Ja?" Xelloss asked.
"A little girl tried to RAPE ME to get back at her boyfriend!" he cried, shuddering. "I've never been so afraid in my life. Not when Jenova manipulated me, not when Cloud tried to kill me, on several occasions, not....well...NEVER!" He rubbed his hands on his arms. "Must...cleanse....self....."
Maia stared at Sephiroth. "Can girls even rape guys? O_o"
Sephy shivered and huddled in his chair.
Xelloss arched an eyebrow. "Isn't it easier for a guy to rape a girl?"
Maia gasped. "SEPHIROTH!"
"Wha?!" Sephy cried, jerking backwards and falling out of his chair.
"WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?!"
"Nothing! Gah! I swear! Do I LOOK like I was doing anything besides running?!" he protested, looking kind of hurt.
"Yeah, running, or maybe having hot steamy s--" Xelloss cut off as Maia whapped him over the head. XD
"You and your dirty, dirty little brain... -_-" Maia muttered, as Xelloss rubbed the forming lump on his temple.
Maia held up a sign. "I need a new sidekick!" she called. The sign said "sidekick needed for hire".
Xelloss shook his head. "Nu, nu, Maia-chan. Call someone over, and I shall kill them. I have taken quite a liking to you, though I know I'll never stand up to Cloud... T_T"
"Why do you like me?" Maia asked, a slightly disgusted look on her face.
Xelloss giggled. "Sore wa himitsu desu," he said slyly, wagging his index finger and winking.
Maia sweatdropped. "Aren't you in love with Filia?" she asked, pointing to her badge/button on her shirt with a picture of kawaii chibi Xelloss and Filia hugging. It said "X and F forever" on it.
Maia grinned, holding out a box with a bunch of the buttons. "Support! ^o^"
Xelloss grabbed the box of buttons, looking through. "Hrm... Takari, Taiora... Mimato, Takumi... What else...? Vash and Meryl... Milly and Wolfwood... Joey and Mai... Van and Hitomi... WuFei and Sally... Garet and Jenna... I see no Cloud/Aerith or Tifa! Or, the lovely Cloud/Sephiroth.... Where are the Cloud buttons!? He goes with a lot of people, the slut!"
"..."
"CONFESS! YOU HAVE HIDDEN THE BUTTONS OF CLOUD!"
"..."
"AUG!" He threw down the box of buttons and stormed out of the building.
"And Xelloss has LEFT the building," Sephiroth remarked loftily. He watched Maia dive to the ground, picking up her buttons lovingly, kissing each of them before putting them safely back in their box.
Sephiroth sweatdropped. "He's a few pickles short of a full jar, a'int he?" Maia, cool and composed now that her buttons were safe in their box, nodded. "Yes, indeed, he is. T_T"

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Sora, Riku, Lee, and the rest of the party raced into the abandoned house in Third District. They all gasped.
Kairi sat on the floor, playing with all the spiders, giggling and laughing.
...No, wait, they weren't playing, they were biting and chewing at her, and she wasn't giggling, she was screaming in pain. They sounded very much the same.
Sora grinned. "It'd be hard to help her... We could step on her trying to squish the spiders..."
Riku nodded sagely. "Yes indeed, we could."
Kairi squealed. "HELP ME, YOU FOOLS!" she shrieked in anger, bites popping up all over her face and arms and legs.
Those weird clowns from Dumbo ran in, each carrying a fire extinguisher. They all shouted, "FIRE!" and sprayed Kairi with the extinguishers in unison.
As they sprayed Kairi and the spiders, all of the spiders collectively died, making a Pacman dying noise. They all dropped off of Kairi.
"Yay!" Kairi screamed, jumping up and down on the spiders. "DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIIIEEEE!!!!"
Everyone sweatdropped. "......"
There was an awkward silence, as Kairi stared at Riku and Sora, who took a step back, clutching each other's hands.
Suddenly the roof collapsed as someone very red dropped through it. He stood, shaking his head to clear it.
"Wah. All I remember is the pain, the anger, the sorrow... DAMN FEI! GOD! WHY DOES HE HAVE TO RUIN MY LIFE!" The red man suddenly burst into angry tears, as everyone stared at him, and blinked.
Lee gasped. "ID!" She glomped him and hugged him tight. "Poor Id. T_T"
Id blinked. "Wah?" He started to cry and rage again. "WHY?! WHY DO TERRIBLE THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO *ME*?! WHY ME! OH WOE, OH SORROW, OH PAIN!"
Lee blinked. "Cam down... o_o"
"I CAN'T CALM DOWN! IF YOU WERE A BEING MADE UP ENTIRELY OF HATRED, WOULD *YOU* BE ABLE TO CALM DOWN?! NO! IT'S NOT EASY BEING A SCHIZOPHRENIC! WE ARE NOT A HAPPY PERSON!"
Lee let go of Id and took a couple steps back. "I think we need to...see other people...?"
"I'M A SCHIZOPHRENIC! I AM OTHER PEOPLE!" he wailed. "WHY DOES EVERYONE LEAVE ME?!"
Lee blinked, then patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry. I won't leave you ever again..." She looked over to everyone else, who all took steps back.
Auron and Rikku-female both quipped, "Damn! He's INSANE!" They blinked at each other. "My GOD! You're smart!" they said to one another in unison. They stared at each other for a moment, then threw themselves at each other and started to make out crazily.
Id stared. "That a'int right. O_O"
Riku-male and Sora giggled, then Maia ran in, and shouted, "WHERE IS CLOUD?! WHERE IS XELLOSS?! WHERE IS SEPHIROTH!?"
Lee blinked. "They all left you?"
"First Xelloss left--"
"Why?" Laguna asked.
"Uhm... No reason.... >_> _" Maia said, looking away. ~They don't know about my button obsession,~ she said to herself, ~and I plan to keep it that way...~
Lee blinked. She looked at Id. "Awwww.... I can't look at him without feeling sad. T_T"
Auron looked up, with lipstick on his face. "You saw Sephiroth? Where?"
"Uh... >_> _ ...Crap.... Uh... No where! I saw a...tall black pillar...with a....bed sheet on it... >_> _ Yeah..." Maia nodded. "Yeah... I thought it was Sephiroth... Sorry...."
Lee cried. "Where's MY SEPHY!?" She wailed, and Id patted her on the head, awkwardly, then twitched a bit, clenching his teeth.
"DIE FEI!" he screamed in a sudden outburst.
Maia blinked. "Interesting.... Are you a schizophrenic?"
Id glared. "Yes, yes we are...."
"Wow. I've never had a chance to talk to a real schizophrenic..."
Id glared, and clapped his hands slowly. "Good job... -_-"
Maia blinked. "May I ask you some things?"
"No."
"...okay..." Maia grinned. "We have lots of psychos on this quest. ^_^" She pointed to everyone individually. "Lee, who has obsessive compulsive disorder."
"Hey!" She huggled Id, then Riku, then Sora, then huggled Id again.
"Laguna, who has the mind of a four year old."
"BUTTERFLY!"
"Auron has tumbleweedaphobia."
"AHHH!!! THERE'S ONE NOW!" Auron jumped up away from Rikku-female and beat at a tumbleweed with his sword.
"Kairi has problems with revenge and letting go of things."
"I WANT MY SORA! I'LL KILL YOU, RIKU!" She lunged at Riku, and Sora beat her over the head until she passed out. Riku started to cry and Sora comforted him.
"Sephiroth and Cloud are both injured lover/stalker peoples, and... I think that's it..." Maia grinned. "Yep. ^_^ And now we can add a real schizophrenic to our repertoire."
Id twitched. "NO! FEI! YOU HAVE TO STAY AWAY!!! AUG!" He slapped himself in the face. "STAY IN, FEI FONG WONG!"
Lee stared. "Uh..." She huggled Id again.
Id started to cry again. "See? I get love when I'm like this. LOVE! MUST YOU TAKE EVERYTHING FROM ME, FEI?!"
Lee patted Id on the head. "Don't worry. We'll tell Fei to stay away..."
"But, he's my better half! He always wins! I always lose."
Maia started to think. "Maybe... Maybe if we split your personalities...into different bodies?"
Id shook his head. "No!" He huggled himself. "I like my body."
Maia blinked. "Put Fei in a different body?"
Id grinned. "Okay! He doesn't deserve to look this good, anyway," he said pompously. Lee stared at Maia as she paced.
"Hrm... I think I will start to run tests on this... ONCE WE GET MY CLOUD BACK!" Maia wailed.
"You will. We'll get Xelloss too. But...you couldn't stand Cloud in the last story..." Lee reminded Maia.
".....shut up." She sniffled. "I kinda like him following me around..."
Lee gasped. "MAIA? ARE YOU OKAY?!" She ran over to Maia and felt her forehead, checking for fever.
"Wha?"
"Maia? Showing human emotions? MY GOD!" Lee said in surprise.
Maia glared. "YOU DIE NOW!" She leapt up and chased after Lee, who yelped and ran away.
Lee hid behind Id. "Save me! I took you in. @_@"
Id nodded. "I'll see what I can do..." He glanced at the oncoming Maia. "Uh..." He held up a hand. "Stop! ...In the name...of...love? o_O"
"Uh.... Not working!" Lee cried, clinging to Id. She dashed off, as Maia got too close. Lee skidded out the door, Maia following. Everyone blinked.
Rikku-female nodded. "I think she has a slight case of multiple personalities..."
Id nodded. "Welcome to our world..."
Outside, Lee escaped from Maia, hiding behind Xelloss, who had appeared from nowhere. "SAVE ME!"
"Nani?" Xelloss asked, staring at her...with his closed eyes. n_n
"MAIA'S GONNA KILL ME!"
"Ohhhh... ja." He stepped forward, stopping Maia by huggling her around the shoulders. "Stop! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! STOP, MAIA-CHAN! Just think of what you're doing... @_@"
"Heh?" She blinked, then pulled her eraser and pencil out of her pocket, then threw them at Lee. Lee winced, then grinned. Maia smiled, all happy again.
"Yay," Lee beamed.
"That was it?" Xelloss asked.
"Yep," Maia and Lee said in unison.
"'kay....."
"Xelloss?" Maia asked.
"Hmn?"
"Let me go. -_-"
Xelloss looked a little sad, huggled Maia once more, then let her go. "Hai, Maia-chan. u_u"
Maia patted his purple hair, then grinned. She shoved Xelloss over to Lee, who glomped and huggled Xelloss. "Yay!" Lee cried. "YAY!"
Xelloss sweatdropped, so did Maia. Maia grinned. ~If I get Filia over here, then Xelloss can be happy!~
She picked up her computer, typing on it for a minute, then, suddenly, Filia appeared out of nowhere. The blonde looked around.
"Nani?" She spotted Xelloss. "Xelloss!" She ran for him.
"Filia?" Xelloss looked up.
Maia grinned, and watched as they, almost in slow motion, ran for each other. Just before they looked like they were going to embrace, though, Filia pulled out her gigantic mace, and clonged Xelloss over the head, knocking the poor mage out. "GARBAGE! TRASH! WORTHLESS RUBBISH!" she screeched.
Maia watched with wide eyes. "That was unexpected... O_O"
Lee shook her head. "You haven't watched enough Slayers..."
"Darnit!" She took out a notepad and scribbled on it "Remember to watch Slayers..."
Maia glanced up. "Hey... We haven't done anything about that Big Black Castle yet..."
"Yeah.. What's up with that Big Black Castle?" Lee asked. She stooped down beside Xelloss and patted his smashed in head, as Filia stalked off angrily.
"I don't know... Wait! I have a theory!" Maia cried.
"What's that?" Lee asked.
"It looks like Dr. 666's place!"
"It does?"
"Yes.... See... It's his Ultra Secret Lab, situated in his brand new Big Black Castle. See, we destroyed him in our world, so he's hiding out in this world. Get it?"
"Ohhhh... I wonder what he's doing right now..." Lee asked.

TBC.

Maia: ...I am so weird in this chapter.... X__x