Disclaimer: Tom Riddle, Professor Binns and Minerva McGonagal don't belong to me.
A/N: Thank you for your reviews, your ideas and thanks for being so patient. I am terribly sorry my writer's block was such an inconvenience.
FEELINGS YOU CAN'T DENY
Chapter Eleven: What Tom Feels
The students returned to Hogwarts the next day. I waited out in front to see Clarissa. I'm not sure if I was more disappointed or relieved that Tom wasn't out there waiting too. I wouldn't even know what to say to him. Every conversation that I played in my head ended with me kissing him. I'm sure you're asking 'What's wrong with that?' Well, there's plenty wrong with that. Just don't ask me what. My head was swirling with thoughts and they were coming and leaving so fast that I wasn't even sure what they were. Oh, I wanted to kiss Tom. I yearned to have him near me. 'Why was I avoiding him then?' you ask. Well, that has a perfectly simple answer. Just let me try to think of one.
Clarissa broke through the crowd like a stampeding buffalo and headed straight toward me. She shrieked with a huge smile on her face as she threw her arms around me and almost knocked me off balance.
"Oh, Lina!" Clarissa cried. "I missed you so much!"
"Thanks," I breathed.
"Was your Christmas simply awful here alone?" Clarissa asked, pulling away from me.
"It wasn't too bad," I shrugged, feeling a blush creep up that I was sure would give me away.
"I got you a present," Clarissa announced. "Come on, let's take my trunk to Hufflepuff common."
I nodded and followed her over to the carriage she had ridden in. We pulled her trunk down and carried it inside the school. Then we lugged the trunk up the main staircase and continued through the Charms hall. Heading toward the dead end, I held my side of the trunk with one hand and balanced it on my knee so I could reach up and push on the torch.
"What's the door?" Clarissa asked, leading the way in.
"The Ghost in the Attic," I told her.
She went straight to a door that said that phrase and turned the doorknob with the crook of her arm. We pushed through and dropped the trunk instantly when we were inside Hufflepuff common. The fire was still lit, and it was nice and warm. Clarissa opened her trunk and started digging through it.
"Ah-ha!" Clarissa shouted, pulling a small keychain out of the trunk and handing it to me. "It's small but I thought you would like it."
I looked at it. It was a flat piece of black plastic with a card attached to it. The card read 'Kiss-O-Meter. Kiss the plastic and it will measure how good a kisser you are.' For some reason, this made me laugh.
"Try it," Clarissa said excitedly.
I licked my lips and went to kiss it, but then I started laughing. I tried again, but I busted up.
"Clarissa, I feel silly," I told her.
"Just pretend that it's Tom," Clarissa suggested, smiling at me.
I looked at the keychain. Pretend it's Tom. Tom is right here standing before me. He has that cool, confident smile as he looks down at me. His gaze is so tender and he touches my face lightly. He's leaning toward me. Our lips meet briefly.
"Let me see what color it is!" Clarissa squealed, pulling the keychain from my hands. "It's purple-pink. That means...Wow! It says you're hot stuff!"
I started to blush. I wondered if it would have said the same thing had I not pretended it was Tom I was kissing. I felt a sudden chill go through my arms. I had to see Tom.
**************
Clarissa and I walked down the Great Hall for dinner. I kept feeling like any second Tom would walk around a corner and we'd be face-to-face. I wasn't sure if I would be able to stop myself from kissing him instantly.
Tom didn't appear out of no where. We just went into the Great Hall without disturbance. I spotted Tom immediately. He was surrounded by a group of Slytherins, both girls and boys. He saw smiling and telling them some story. They all laughed. For some reason, that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I felt like they were laughing at me. Maybe it was just me feeling sorry for myself. Tom was back with his old group, laughing it up as if nothing at all was different. Why did it bother me so much?
I followed Clarissa to a spot on Hufflepuff table. Dumbledore stood and gave a speech about Christmas and how glad he was to be back. He talked about what he expected this term. I wasn't really paying much attention. I kept looking over my shoulder at Tom. A girl was sitting right next to him. She was pretty too with long blonde hair and a seductive smile. She whispered in Tom's ear. I looked away. What had I expected? The great Tom Riddle would leave behind his popular life for me? That he would stop doing the things he always did, including flirting with every girl in school? You can't change a man, I suppose. It was a melancholy thought.
"What's wrong?" Clarissa asked after Dumbledore's speech was over.
I shrugged.
"Don't give me that!" Clarissa said. "You look on the verge of tears."
"I'm OK," I whispered.
"Maybe we should go back to the common room," Clarissa suggested.
She took my hand and led me from the room. I glanced back at Tom. He was looking at me in concern. Clarissa pulled me up the main staircase.
"Lina!" Tom called, running up after me.
Clarissa dropped my hand instantly.
"Uh," Tom began, "We-where're you going?"
"To Hufflepuff common," I told him.
"Oh, well, uh," Tom half-smiled. "Can I walk you part of the way?"
I bit my lip.
"Yes! Yes, we'd love it!" Clarissa exclaimed.
Tom laughed. We started off up the stairs together.
"I was hoping to run into you again before the other students came back, but that didn't happen," Tom muttered, his hands behind his back.
I half-smiled.
"You see, I meant to explain about the other day," Tom continued. "That was terribly inappropriate of me. You probably think I'm a major jerk."
"What was inappropriate?" Clarissa shrieked. "What'd you do? What'd he do? Did he smack you?"
"No, Clarissa," I hushed her.
"Then what?" Clarissa demanded. "No one ever tells me anything."
Now, Tom was beginning to blush. I could just strangle Clarissa. Tom was trying to say something, and he was being so cute for apologizing and here Clarissa was begging for an explanation. I guess that was my fault for not having told her what happened. She was my best friend, after all. The least I could do was tell her when something as momentous as being kissed by Tom Riddle happened.
"Clar, I will explain everything later," I promised. "Could you please calm down?"
"How will I know what he's talking about if no one tells me?" Clarissa questioned, more whining than asking.
"There's quite a simple way to fix this," Tom announced. "If you don't mind, Lina, I will explain the entire situation and then your friend will know what I'm talking about."
"Go ahead," I said. If he didn't find it too embarrassing to say than I wouldn't find it too embarrassing to hear.
Tom put a finger to his lips in thought for a moment. I guess he was trying to decide where to start. Clarissa folded her arms impatiently, waiting for his explanation. I stood aside, biting my lip and wondering how his side of this thing would go. Finally, Tom clasped his arms behind his back and looked straight at Clarissa.
"Over the holiday," Tom began. "No, really, it was before that. It all started when I saw a cute little red-haired sixth year walking through the halls with her arms full of books."
I blushed. He thought I was cute?
"I must say I was fascinated from the very beginning," Tom told Clarissa, while glancing at me. "And her determination in catching up in class was positively wonderful, but I could tell she needed help. Naturally, I offered to help her study. Part of the reason being the fact that I wanted to see her more often."
There was this warm, fuzzy feeling building up inside me. I didn't know he felt that way.
Tom went on, "Then there was that incident in the library which is a little hard to explain. Uh, see we were practicing spells and somehow we..sort of..fell on top of each other."
Clarissa let out a brief squeal.
Tom continued, though he was blushing. "After that, I had meant to ask Lina to the Yule Ball, but it seemed she had been avoiding me."
I lowered my eyes.
"You know, of course, that we danced at the Yule Ball," Tom said.
Clarissa nodded quickly, to urge him on. She seemed to find everything absolutely fascinating.
"But you didn't know," Tom began, speaking warmly, "that that moment was when I realized I was falling in love."
I felt like I was going to cry or something. Why didn't he ever tell ME all this?
"You can't imagine how surprised and overjoyed I was when I found out we would be spending the entire holiday together," Tom said, smiling. "I wanted to spend every minute with her, but Lina had plans to work all holiday. Finally, I convinced her to let me help."
Clarissa stared at him intently. Tom was smiling to himself.
"Lina sure was tired," he laughed. "She decided to make a bed in the middle of the corridor. I stayed by her just in case."
Clarissa let out a sigh.
"It was then," Tom told her, "while I watched her sleep, that I decided I needed to tell her how much I cared. So, I wrote her a note and asked her to meet me in the owlry. I ran what I was going to say over and over in my head. I even wrote it down. When she entered, the sunlight was touching her face in such a way...I was struck dumb. She was so beautiful. I couldn't say what I wanted to. So, I tried to show her how I felt by...kissing her."
Tom glanced over at me. I wasn't sure what he expected me to do or say. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say that I loved him, that he meant the world to me. I wanted to say that that kiss was the most wonderful thing I had ever experienced. But I couldn't. I just stood there, staring at him.
"Anyway," Tom continued, turning his attention back to Clarissa, "it was completely inappropriate and I should not have acted so brashly. And so, that's it. I just wanted to apologize to Lina."
Clarissa's eyes were very wide.
"So," Tom said, looking terribly uncomfortable at our silence, "now that I've said that, I guess I ought to leave. Hope to see you around, Clarissa, and..." he turned to me and took my hand. "Lina, if you don't hate me too much, I'd like to see you around."
He leaned down and kissed my hand. Then, he turned and left.
"Lina," Clarissa breathed. "Lina...he-he loves you, Lina!"
My only response to this was to smile. I felt like giggling, but that would be too silly. But, actually, what girl can really hold in the giggles when she has them. So there I was, giggling away, with Clarissa shocked out of her mind. It was a wonderful day.
A/N: OK, this is a weird chapter. I don't know why I wrote it, but I figured I ought to write something soon or you fans would track me down and make me write something. I think I know what's going happen next so you shouldn't have to wait too long before the next chapter.
A/N: Thank you for your reviews, your ideas and thanks for being so patient. I am terribly sorry my writer's block was such an inconvenience.
FEELINGS YOU CAN'T DENY
Chapter Eleven: What Tom Feels
The students returned to Hogwarts the next day. I waited out in front to see Clarissa. I'm not sure if I was more disappointed or relieved that Tom wasn't out there waiting too. I wouldn't even know what to say to him. Every conversation that I played in my head ended with me kissing him. I'm sure you're asking 'What's wrong with that?' Well, there's plenty wrong with that. Just don't ask me what. My head was swirling with thoughts and they were coming and leaving so fast that I wasn't even sure what they were. Oh, I wanted to kiss Tom. I yearned to have him near me. 'Why was I avoiding him then?' you ask. Well, that has a perfectly simple answer. Just let me try to think of one.
Clarissa broke through the crowd like a stampeding buffalo and headed straight toward me. She shrieked with a huge smile on her face as she threw her arms around me and almost knocked me off balance.
"Oh, Lina!" Clarissa cried. "I missed you so much!"
"Thanks," I breathed.
"Was your Christmas simply awful here alone?" Clarissa asked, pulling away from me.
"It wasn't too bad," I shrugged, feeling a blush creep up that I was sure would give me away.
"I got you a present," Clarissa announced. "Come on, let's take my trunk to Hufflepuff common."
I nodded and followed her over to the carriage she had ridden in. We pulled her trunk down and carried it inside the school. Then we lugged the trunk up the main staircase and continued through the Charms hall. Heading toward the dead end, I held my side of the trunk with one hand and balanced it on my knee so I could reach up and push on the torch.
"What's the door?" Clarissa asked, leading the way in.
"The Ghost in the Attic," I told her.
She went straight to a door that said that phrase and turned the doorknob with the crook of her arm. We pushed through and dropped the trunk instantly when we were inside Hufflepuff common. The fire was still lit, and it was nice and warm. Clarissa opened her trunk and started digging through it.
"Ah-ha!" Clarissa shouted, pulling a small keychain out of the trunk and handing it to me. "It's small but I thought you would like it."
I looked at it. It was a flat piece of black plastic with a card attached to it. The card read 'Kiss-O-Meter. Kiss the plastic and it will measure how good a kisser you are.' For some reason, this made me laugh.
"Try it," Clarissa said excitedly.
I licked my lips and went to kiss it, but then I started laughing. I tried again, but I busted up.
"Clarissa, I feel silly," I told her.
"Just pretend that it's Tom," Clarissa suggested, smiling at me.
I looked at the keychain. Pretend it's Tom. Tom is right here standing before me. He has that cool, confident smile as he looks down at me. His gaze is so tender and he touches my face lightly. He's leaning toward me. Our lips meet briefly.
"Let me see what color it is!" Clarissa squealed, pulling the keychain from my hands. "It's purple-pink. That means...Wow! It says you're hot stuff!"
I started to blush. I wondered if it would have said the same thing had I not pretended it was Tom I was kissing. I felt a sudden chill go through my arms. I had to see Tom.
**************
Clarissa and I walked down the Great Hall for dinner. I kept feeling like any second Tom would walk around a corner and we'd be face-to-face. I wasn't sure if I would be able to stop myself from kissing him instantly.
Tom didn't appear out of no where. We just went into the Great Hall without disturbance. I spotted Tom immediately. He was surrounded by a group of Slytherins, both girls and boys. He saw smiling and telling them some story. They all laughed. For some reason, that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I felt like they were laughing at me. Maybe it was just me feeling sorry for myself. Tom was back with his old group, laughing it up as if nothing at all was different. Why did it bother me so much?
I followed Clarissa to a spot on Hufflepuff table. Dumbledore stood and gave a speech about Christmas and how glad he was to be back. He talked about what he expected this term. I wasn't really paying much attention. I kept looking over my shoulder at Tom. A girl was sitting right next to him. She was pretty too with long blonde hair and a seductive smile. She whispered in Tom's ear. I looked away. What had I expected? The great Tom Riddle would leave behind his popular life for me? That he would stop doing the things he always did, including flirting with every girl in school? You can't change a man, I suppose. It was a melancholy thought.
"What's wrong?" Clarissa asked after Dumbledore's speech was over.
I shrugged.
"Don't give me that!" Clarissa said. "You look on the verge of tears."
"I'm OK," I whispered.
"Maybe we should go back to the common room," Clarissa suggested.
She took my hand and led me from the room. I glanced back at Tom. He was looking at me in concern. Clarissa pulled me up the main staircase.
"Lina!" Tom called, running up after me.
Clarissa dropped my hand instantly.
"Uh," Tom began, "We-where're you going?"
"To Hufflepuff common," I told him.
"Oh, well, uh," Tom half-smiled. "Can I walk you part of the way?"
I bit my lip.
"Yes! Yes, we'd love it!" Clarissa exclaimed.
Tom laughed. We started off up the stairs together.
"I was hoping to run into you again before the other students came back, but that didn't happen," Tom muttered, his hands behind his back.
I half-smiled.
"You see, I meant to explain about the other day," Tom continued. "That was terribly inappropriate of me. You probably think I'm a major jerk."
"What was inappropriate?" Clarissa shrieked. "What'd you do? What'd he do? Did he smack you?"
"No, Clarissa," I hushed her.
"Then what?" Clarissa demanded. "No one ever tells me anything."
Now, Tom was beginning to blush. I could just strangle Clarissa. Tom was trying to say something, and he was being so cute for apologizing and here Clarissa was begging for an explanation. I guess that was my fault for not having told her what happened. She was my best friend, after all. The least I could do was tell her when something as momentous as being kissed by Tom Riddle happened.
"Clar, I will explain everything later," I promised. "Could you please calm down?"
"How will I know what he's talking about if no one tells me?" Clarissa questioned, more whining than asking.
"There's quite a simple way to fix this," Tom announced. "If you don't mind, Lina, I will explain the entire situation and then your friend will know what I'm talking about."
"Go ahead," I said. If he didn't find it too embarrassing to say than I wouldn't find it too embarrassing to hear.
Tom put a finger to his lips in thought for a moment. I guess he was trying to decide where to start. Clarissa folded her arms impatiently, waiting for his explanation. I stood aside, biting my lip and wondering how his side of this thing would go. Finally, Tom clasped his arms behind his back and looked straight at Clarissa.
"Over the holiday," Tom began. "No, really, it was before that. It all started when I saw a cute little red-haired sixth year walking through the halls with her arms full of books."
I blushed. He thought I was cute?
"I must say I was fascinated from the very beginning," Tom told Clarissa, while glancing at me. "And her determination in catching up in class was positively wonderful, but I could tell she needed help. Naturally, I offered to help her study. Part of the reason being the fact that I wanted to see her more often."
There was this warm, fuzzy feeling building up inside me. I didn't know he felt that way.
Tom went on, "Then there was that incident in the library which is a little hard to explain. Uh, see we were practicing spells and somehow we..sort of..fell on top of each other."
Clarissa let out a brief squeal.
Tom continued, though he was blushing. "After that, I had meant to ask Lina to the Yule Ball, but it seemed she had been avoiding me."
I lowered my eyes.
"You know, of course, that we danced at the Yule Ball," Tom said.
Clarissa nodded quickly, to urge him on. She seemed to find everything absolutely fascinating.
"But you didn't know," Tom began, speaking warmly, "that that moment was when I realized I was falling in love."
I felt like I was going to cry or something. Why didn't he ever tell ME all this?
"You can't imagine how surprised and overjoyed I was when I found out we would be spending the entire holiday together," Tom said, smiling. "I wanted to spend every minute with her, but Lina had plans to work all holiday. Finally, I convinced her to let me help."
Clarissa stared at him intently. Tom was smiling to himself.
"Lina sure was tired," he laughed. "She decided to make a bed in the middle of the corridor. I stayed by her just in case."
Clarissa let out a sigh.
"It was then," Tom told her, "while I watched her sleep, that I decided I needed to tell her how much I cared. So, I wrote her a note and asked her to meet me in the owlry. I ran what I was going to say over and over in my head. I even wrote it down. When she entered, the sunlight was touching her face in such a way...I was struck dumb. She was so beautiful. I couldn't say what I wanted to. So, I tried to show her how I felt by...kissing her."
Tom glanced over at me. I wasn't sure what he expected me to do or say. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say that I loved him, that he meant the world to me. I wanted to say that that kiss was the most wonderful thing I had ever experienced. But I couldn't. I just stood there, staring at him.
"Anyway," Tom continued, turning his attention back to Clarissa, "it was completely inappropriate and I should not have acted so brashly. And so, that's it. I just wanted to apologize to Lina."
Clarissa's eyes were very wide.
"So," Tom said, looking terribly uncomfortable at our silence, "now that I've said that, I guess I ought to leave. Hope to see you around, Clarissa, and..." he turned to me and took my hand. "Lina, if you don't hate me too much, I'd like to see you around."
He leaned down and kissed my hand. Then, he turned and left.
"Lina," Clarissa breathed. "Lina...he-he loves you, Lina!"
My only response to this was to smile. I felt like giggling, but that would be too silly. But, actually, what girl can really hold in the giggles when she has them. So there I was, giggling away, with Clarissa shocked out of her mind. It was a wonderful day.
A/N: OK, this is a weird chapter. I don't know why I wrote it, but I figured I ought to write something soon or you fans would track me down and make me write something. I think I know what's going happen next so you shouldn't have to wait too long before the next chapter.