Heart & Soul
Author: Moggie
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Implied S4 and a few others
Archive:
Summary: [GSR] He thinks he's alone and he thinks he's talking to the barmen , but in fact, he's not...
Note: Sorry it's been a while since writing, anything, but I'm going through another patch of not knowing what to write. I don't think 'writers block' is the right word. I have many ideas and I write them down, just not continue it. I'm getting a new computer soon, at last, and I'll be catching up on everything, so enjoy this short story for now. Oh, and thanks to Xanti for betaing and both Stumpycat and Xanti's encouragement.
The Before and then the After
The reality of the conversation she just witnessed and the one she had walked in on, stung.
Her heart and soul was already frail and now it seemed to shred into pieces in mere seconds. Now she finally understood what he had said to Dr. Lurie. He had been so distant and now she knew why, another woman.
'If you love this woman, you should tell her.'
When she got to her car and out of the direct heat of the sun, she turned on the air conditioning and closed her eyes against the stinging that threatened to release the tears of sadness and loss from her heart and soul.
'She's obviously, special to you.'
Who knew he had someone else in his heart. All this time and he was with someone else.
Releasing a deep breath, she pressed her palms into her eyes to push the tears away. She returned her hand to the steering wheel and quickly turned the ignition and put the car into drive.
'I love her, I do.'
The pain in her chest increased and soon it was too much to drive. Making sure she got home before the pain got too much, she quickly left her car and ran up to her apartment.
He must think she was a fool. A teenager with a crush. Someone too young to be taken seriously. He must have thought something was wrong with her or he'd still be talking to her. It had been so long since she had first arrived in Vegas and since then she has seen so much. She tried to be his best student. She tried to make him proud of her and for a little while, she did.
But something happened and all the times where they would work together as one on a case, soon increased to a team of three or the entire team, never just the two of them. Something must have clicked with him. He must had noticed the way she was looking at him, speaking to him… He must have been appalled by her behaviour and figured that the only way to work together would be to keep apart and that's what happened for almost a year.
There were times where they could work together as a pair, but as soon as the atmosphere changed or a smile was exchanged that wasn't appropriate in the work place, she was punished by silence and solitude.
After a year of the same treatment, she hoped something would happen, but it never did and everything seemed to be forgotten, although they soon barely even worked together anymore and then it was nearly none existent.
Quickly striping down, she climbed into bed and hugged a pillow to her chest. She continued to suppress the emotions that desperately wanted to burst through.
'The love of my life.'
The words echoed in her head and she couldn't seem to stop the shaking in her body. Maybe this woman was someone who worked at the lab before she did and it was the reason why she had never even heard of or met this woman he spoke of. Perhaps she worked in PD, but if there was someone else, why didn't anyone tell her?
Why would they? She mentally berated herself. It's not like they know you feel something for him. Even if they did, you really think they'd tell you something that could get him mad?
She buried her face into the pillow and let out her anguish and hot tears in almost silence. There wasn't any need to punish the rest of the world with her broken heart.
It's Daylight and He's not Alone
"There's this girl, ya know…" His words were hectically slurred as he raised his hand to order another drink.
He was holding himself up against the bar with one arm and drinking with the other at a rate of one Jack D's every five minutes. Practically gulping them down one minute, then staring at them the next. He was on his 5th glass and not fairing well.
"She's worth everything. Everything I've ever worked for. My life, house... ... job." He swallowed hard and breathed in deeply as he stared at his glass.
"I said things and... I didn't say things. Now she's avoiding me." His lips turned up slightly, but the ghost smile disappeared and he frowned.
A tall, tired, female, slipped into the seat beside the frowning older man and flagged the barmen over. "Two coffee's please."
"Sure." The young man smiled and wiped his damp hands on his apron.
"I deserved it." He sighed and watched his thumb glide along the rim of his glass. "Still do." He breathed.
"Deserved what?" The female inquired, turning from watching the barmen making the coffee's.
His eyes remained on the glass as he released another sigh, heavier this time and his shoulders seemed to slump further. "The silent treatment."
"From whom?"
Shrugging again, he moved to get more comfortable on his seat.
"How many has he had?" She asked as the barmen placed two cups of coffee on the bar before taking the bill that was held out to him to pay for the drinks.
"A couple." The barmen looked at the other man who had been sitting at the bar for the past few hours, talking and feeling sorry for himself. "He's been rambling about some girl."
"Really?!" The voice asked, intrigued as she turned her attention back to the man beside her. "What's her name?"
The older man groaned and brought his hands up to rub his face vigorously. "Doesn't matter. She's not interested anymore. She's gone. She left ages ago."
"Oh." She sounded disappointed and saddened. She reached for one coffee and held the handle for a few seconds before sighing. "Must have been heartbreaking when she left, huh?"
He nodded sullenly and pulled his glass towards him. "I love her, I do. I just don't know what to do." He raised his glass once again and drowned his sorrows in the strong liquor.
Looking back at him, the female watched the distance in the eyes as they looked at her. It was obvious he wasn't focused as his eyes returned to his glass.
"Here." She offered, pushing the second coffee his way. "I'll give you a lift home."
"No. Thank you. I'm fine. I'll call a cab." He declined the coffee and pulled out his cell phone.
Watching him fumble with the technology, she sighed. "It's no trouble."
He smiled grimly, still concentrating on his cell phone. "My mother always told me not to get into cars with strangers."
The tone of voice was meant to be light, but they still stung and it showed all over her face. "I guess she's right."
A thoughtful expression masked his face and his phone was forgotten. "She was right about lots of things."
"Mother's usually are." She smiled sadly, picking up her coffee and sipped at it.
He shook his head. "No. She'd know what to do."
She starred at him a moment before asking. "About what?"
"The love of my life." He sighed and leaned his chin into his fist, staring across the bar hazily.
Before she could take a breath, he started talking again, seemingly to himself.
"I messed up big time and I'm now paying for it." His cheek pushed heavily into his knuckles. "I had so many chances and I blew them."
"I'm sure it's not that bad." She consoled and continued with a distinct far away tone. "If you love this woman, you should tell her. She's obviously, special to you." She swallowed convulsively and disguised the quiver in her voice by quickly gulping down her coffee.
He nodded heavily. "She is special." He was silent for a few minutes before turning his head slightly, which swayed his body as he turned a little on his seat. "You think she'd listen?"
Shrugging, the woman pushed her coffee cup away. "I would."
He smiled slightly and nodded as he pushed himself to stand. "I guess I should go home."
"I can still drop you off." She offered, turning to get to her feet.
"That's ok. I've got it. Thanks for the coffee." He motioned a jerky hand towards the untouched coffee that sat alone on the bar. He started walking, stumbling to the door.
"No problem." She whispered and sat back down heavily.
The barmen collected the coffee and started wiping down the bar. He smiled at her before picking up some glasses and drying them. "You know him?" He asked, continuing to dry and put away the clean glasses from this mornings early birds.
She nodded and shrugged at the same time. "Guess so."
He listened to the defeated tone of her voice and stopped from placing a glass on the shelf above his head for a second before finishing the journey and starting again on another.
"Friend maybe?"
"Sort of." She evaded.
He nodded and smiled. "Ex?"
Her head snapped up. "No!" She blushed immediately and chuckled. "Sorry." She shook her head and sat up straighter. "He's my boss."
"Ah." He grinned, slinging the drying towel over his shoulder.
"He didn't recognise me." She smiled sadly.
The barmen nodded and chuckled a little. "He was drunk. He'll probably forget he got hammered here by tonight."
"Yeah." She sighed. "Probably."
Waiting a few beats, the barmen leaned against the bar and asked in the friendliest manner he could. "Are you the one he's been talking about?"
Staring at the bar for an uncomfortable amount of time, she finally answered with a negative shake of her head. "No."
Standing up again, the barmen looked at her sceptically. "Sure?"
She nodded. "Positive." Looking up at him, she smiled hesitantly. "We haven't been friends in a long time. He's been busy with work." She shrugged and dropped her eyes from the green of the barmen's piercing eyes.
"You said you work together, right?"
"Yeah." She answered slowly.
"Well, he must see you everyday, right?" He asked, curiously.
She shrugged and stood up.
A nervous twitch to her movements made the barmen smile with amusement. "I guess you were the one left out, huh? The other woman, so to speak?"
That brought a small smile to her face. "I guess it would." She turned away and left the bar. Her smile quickly fled as the sunlight hit her face.
A Single Crime and Three CSI's
"Brownish substance consistent with blood along the wall. Could be arterial spray." Sara theorised as she acquainted herself with the crime scene.
Warrick nodded and bent to retrieve a box from his field kit. "Swab it and give it to Greg."
Sara took the box and automatically got on with the rest of the collection. She walked away from the wall and over to the door. "Did you dust this?" She asked, crouching to take a closer look.
"No. You can." Warrick offered a smile before turning back to photographing the body on the floor.
David, the assistant coroner called through the door and Sara opened it slightly with her gloved hands. He entered the room with two of his assistants behind him. "Hey Warrick, Sara."
"Hey David." Sara smiled and pushed the door back slightly to shine her torch over the handle.
"Where's Grissom?" David asked as he knelt down and checked the body's liver temperature.
Warrick shrugged and stepped back to give the man some room. "He was talking to the neighbour."
David nodded and did his own inspection of the body before releasing it and helping bag and tag. "See you guys back at the lab."
"Bye David." Sara called after him as she lifted a second print from the handle. "One partial." She told Warrick as he moved to stand behind her. She sighed when she looked at the other print. "And a smudge."
Warrick chuckled. "Come on Sara, let's find Griss and see what he want's us to do."
"Yeah." She agreed quietly, packing up her supplies and returning them to the necessary pockets on her vest. "I'll be right out." She said absently, shining her torch across the room. "I'm gonna check the bathroom."
Turning to watch the light, Warrick nodded. "You think the killer made a pit stop?"
Sara shrugged and stood up. "Never know."
"Ok. I'll find Griss."
She continued with her work while Warrick left her alone in the room. Shining her torch around the small bathroom, Sara noticed the toilet seat raised. She stared at it so long, she didn't notice someone else in the room.
"A boyfriend perhaps?"
Sara jumped and whipped around to shine the light full force in the intruders eyes.
Grissom closed his eyes quickly and stepped out of the beams view. "Sorry."
"That's ok." She breathed out heavily. "Didn't hear you." She explained as she turned back to the toilet.
He continued. "The neighbour said she saw a man in his late 20's leave this afternoon." He motioned to the toilet. "You dusted it yet?"
She shook her head. "No." Pulling open one pocket, she searched for her dust and brush. "I'll do it now."
Grissom nodded and stood back as she knelt on the hard floor and began dusting for prints.
"How are you feeling?" Sara asked.
"What do you mean?" He asked.
She shrugged and started dusting the underneath of the toilet seat. "You were pretty drunk this morning."
Grissom nodded. "Yeah. It was a long shift." He watched her hand pull open a lifting strip.
"Did you get home alright?" She asked, closing the lifter and placing it safely in her pocket.
Something suddenly struck him. "How did you know I was drunk?"
Moving back slightly to dust the toilet handle, Sara sighed. "You called me, remember?"
Grissom stared at her back. "No." He shook his head and stepped back when she stood up.
Sara turned and shrugged, looking at him briefly. "Hey, you were drunk. You asked if I could give you a lift home?"
He nodded slightly, still not understanding completely. "I got a cab." He shrugged, still not able remember that he had called her. "Sorry."
She looked at him again and starred at his face. "I'm glad you got home ok." She paused, closing the pockets on her vest. "You declined in the end." She said absently.
Grissom's eyes narrowed and he frowned.
Sara smiled a little, albeit sadly. "I got to the bar and you said something along the lines of, 'I never get into a strangers car'"
"Oh." He chuckled and blushed a little. "I'm sorry." He shrugged and stepped out of the bathroom. "I don't remember."
"I can see that." She sighed.
Grissom stared at her back as she walked towards the bedroom door. An uncomfortable silence settled and the only way it was going to go was to say something and to Sara's surprise, it was Grissom who spoke first.
"What else did I say?" He inquired, trying to think about what he had said while incapacitated.
Sara turned back to him and looked at the carpet, her hands unconsciously stuffed into her pockets. "You seemed upset." She glanced at him briefly, but couldn't hold his eyes for long. "The barmen said that you'd been talking for a while about some girl."
"Oh." Grissom sighed, resisting the urge to rub his face nervously.
Sara continued, her voice a little quieter now. "I was only there less than 10 minutes before you left."
"What else did I say in that 10 minutes? Must have been something." He asked hesitantly.
She shrugged and shook her head slightly. "Oh, nothing really."
The darkness mixed with the silence and solitude was giving her some kind of strength to ask him, but the thoughts alone seemed to exhaust her.
"Just," She looked at him. "What was her name?"
Grissom looked at her wide eyed and visible paled. "Uh." He stammered. "Who?"
"You were talking about this woman and I got the impression that something bad must have happened." She took a shallow breath and breathed out slowly. "I'm sorry."
He sighed and gave in. He rubbed his face and stepped forward. "Can I talk to you later?"
Sara looked up sharply. She mentally shook herself. "Sure."
He nodded slowly and started to leave the room, but stopped at the door. "Let's get back to work, we still have a case to solve."
A saying, Three's a Crowd
The end of shift grew closer. Warrick and Sara sat in Grissom's office going over the finals of the case they were working.
"This knife was found in the trash a few yards from the house of our victim. I gave a blood sample to Greg and we got a match on the vic." Warrick scanned his notes, but looked up as he put his case notes away. "Sara got a print off the bedroom door and it came back an unknown, but-" He paused and waited for Sara to take over.
She did. Sitting up straighter in her seat, she opened her case file that was perched on Grissom's desk. "The print I got off the toilet handle matches the smudge I got from the door."
"Any matches in AFIS?" Grissom asked, tapping his pen against his bottom lip as he looked over the notes in his own case file that rested on his lap.
Sara nodded and pulled out a crisp clean sheet that she had received from one of the lab techs minutes earlier and handed it to him. "His name is Alex Benton. He's 23 and matches the neighbours description. He also-" She flipped through the folder again and found an evidence baggie with a piece of paper inside. "This is a receipt that I found on the nightstand beside the vics bed, Warrick processed it and got a print from it."
Warrick spoke up to continue on from Sara's stopping point. "Yeah and guess what? We can place the suspect in the house. His prints matched those on the receipt, plus, he used his credit card to pay for the items listed."
Grissom chuckled and tilted his head up slightly. "I love it when they leave a paper trail."
"And." Sara spoke up. "His prints were on the knife and in the bathroom. He was all over the place."
Grissom nodded slowly, looking at both. "Alex Benton and Tracy Williams meet up at her place." He pursed his lips against his pen and continued. "They get it on. But somewhere along the line something goes wrong. An innocent afternoon at home with her boyfriend, turns out to be an argument and then, murder."
Warrick smiled and sat back. "Alex Benton obviously didn't think about his prints on the door, toilet or the receipt we found."
"Nor did he think about the neighbour who was gardening late that afternoon." Grissom finished.
Sara collected up the evidence and stood. "I'll call Brass and have them bring Mr. Benton in."
Grissom nodded, but made no move other than turning his head towards Warrick. "Rick, can you give us a minute."
Warrick looked between the two before nodding and leaving the room.
Sara looked up at Grissom. "Something wrong?"
He shook his head. "No. Could you shut the door please?"
Taking her time to process what was going on, she closed the door and sat back down.
Grissom finally moved. He stood and walked around his desk to sit in the chair Warrick had been sitting in moments earlier. "I was wondering if I could talk to you?"
Sara shrugged. "Sure, go ahead."
He didn't really needing the time to think, he just looked at her as she rearranged the reports and evaluations in the case file she had on her lap. He reached out and closed the file before taking it from her and placing it on the desk. "I'm sorry about this morning. I was drunk and I couldn't remember calling you."
"You're feeling ok now, right?" She asked, suddenly concerned that he wasn't feeling too good. She looked at him and saw nothing visibly wrong.
Grissom smiled and nodded. "I'm ok, just a little confused. Over the past few hours, I remembered some of the things I'd said and even how I got from the bar to my home."
Sara grinned a little and looked back at him. "I did wonder if you were going to pass out, but when I left, you seemed to have vanished. I figured you got a cab on the street."
"I did. Although he wasn't happy being flagged down by a drunk man, but he didn't mind once I gave him a tip." Grissom chuckled and sat back, leaning to his right slightly.
"Good." Sara nodded. "I'm glad you got home in one piece." She shifted uncomfortably when he didn't say anything further. "Was there something else?"
Grissom sat up and cleared his throat. "Yes." Moving to stand up, he sat on his desk, looking down at her. "I wanted to tell you something."
"Ok." Sara waited.
"I love you." He blurted out and cringed when he heard himself.
Sara's mouth opened in shock and her whole body felt weighted to her chair.
"Erm…" He stammered, moving again, but this time to kneel on the floor by her legs. "That didn't come out right." He sighed, taking one of her hands in his and gently caressed it.
"You don't love me?" Sara managed to croak, shell shocked that he'd even uttered those words to her. She had settled her heart and soul into submission that he'd never admit his feelings or that he didn't even have feelings for her, but this was something she didn't expect. She had only hoped it would happen and now it had and she didn't know what to say.
Grissom shifted nervously, but kept his eyes on hers. "I do. This morning was me drowning my sorrows, not the first time believe me and I never make sense, rarely anyone does when they're drunk." He explained.
"I can't remember ringing you, but I'm glad I did." He squeezed her hand and touched her face with the other, lightly running his fingers down her cheek. "I do love you and I'm sorry I blew all the chances you gave me. I should have done something a long time ago."
"Yes, you should have." She whispered.
Grissom narrowed his eyes and watched her eyes light up with a smile that broke out across her face. "That wasn't what I expected, but I deserved it." He chuckled.
Sara shrugged and raised her eyebrows in question. "Go on, I'm listening." She was going to milk this for all it's worth until he caught on.
Not catching the teasing just yet, he continued to plead forgiveness. "My behaviour has not been acceptable and not just this morning. For a long time now and I'm sorry. You didn't deserve any of it. I guess I panicked or ignored it and suppressed it." He looked at his hand that was touching her cheek and smiled a little as he moved it to her jaw. "Can I get up now?" He asked, his eyes snapping to hers quickly.
"I suppose that's enough grovelling for one day." Sara rolled her eyes and turned her head, but when he didn't move, she turned it back.
"You do realise that you just made me beg, at work, in my office?" He asked curiously.
Sara nodded slowly. "You started it." Her eyebrows shot up as he snorted and pushed himself up quickly.
"I hope you don't make a habit of this." He held out his hand and pulled her up.
"Guess that's up to you and what you do from here on out." She caught his arm as he turned away. "You want to grab something to eat?"
Well, that went smoothly. He thought with a bright smile. "All long as begging isn't involved, my knees are not up to grovelling on the ground all day."
Sara shrugged and retrieved her case file as she waited for him to collect his coat and briefcase. "Are you going to go back to how it's been before this morning and tonight?" She asked, waiting for him to answer.
Grissom approached the door and pulled it open. He waited for her to follow before quickly leaning in and pecking her cheek once. "Nope."
THE END