A/N: Sorry about the "delay." Actually, I think all of you got spoiled on
the twice a week posts there before TTT came to the theaters, didn't you???
Go ahead, 'fess up. Truth is, I've gotten bitten by the real life bug that
takes a chunk out of all of us on occasion, but that's another chapter as
that story is continuing to unfold. Coming to a screen near you, as soon as
I can catch up again.
For now, I present to you, for your viewing pleasure, the One, the Only, the Most Fabulous, the Most Fantastic, Live in front of you right this Very Instant, . . .
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Chapter 4 The Greatest Show on Earth
Yes Dear comes home Wednesday evening sporting four, count 'em, FOUR tickets to the Bi-lo Center for next Saturday. Front row seats, to be exact, to the matinee performance of "The Greatest Show on Earth."
"Whooopeee!" shouts Little Pip, dancing around.
"Whut?" asks the Prance, uncomprehending. "Whut?"
"We're going to the CIRCUS!" she shouts, locking arms with him and spinning him around in a circle.
He follows the movements of her dance, grinning madly, caught up in her excitement. As they spin he inquires again, "Whut iz a seerkus?"
She laughs at him, stopping her spinning and turning him to face her, grabbing him by both shoulders.
"A circus, precioussssss," she teases, "is a show that you go to that has all kinds of wild animals, and . . . ."
"Like da zew, u meen?" he cuts in, thinking maybe he's 'been there and done that' already since he watches 'Pee Bea Ess' and they have wild animal shows on there all the time. Even Sesame Street and Mister Rogers have shown clips of the zoo.
"No, no, not like the zoo," she says. "These animals are special. They can do tricks and things. There are elephants who can play basketball, and the horses dance and walk around on their back legs. The tigers jump through flaming hoops and things like that."
"Woew!" exclaims the Prance. "We hav oliphants een Meedle-erth, buet dey doen't noew hoew tu plae baeskitbaell." The Prance is very familiar with basketball, as he has watched many a game this winter with Yes Dear from the rocking chair in the den.
"There are acrobats, and trapeze artists. . . ."
"Arteestz?" he interrupts. "I lub aert! Due dey paynt wile u wach dem?"
"No, dummy," she replies, thumping him on the chest, "Trapeze artists fly through the air high above the ground, turning somersaults and things."
"Like buddrfliez?" he asks, confused.
"Nevermind," she answers, "you'll see. There are also motorcycle riders, and a tightrope walker, and clowns. . . ."
"Cloewnz?" the Prance gulps. "I doen't like cloewnz."
"Why not, Legolas?" I ask. I didn't think he even knew what a clown was, much less knew enough to have an opinion of them.
"Cloewnz ar skeerie," he says with a shudder. "Dey maek me git guusepeemplz."
"No, they aren't!" Little Pip scoffs. "Clowns are funny. They have make- believe fights and wear pants that are too big so they keep falling down."
"Enough already," I tell them both. "Off to wash for supper."
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The week passes by quickly, at least for me. Legolas and Little Pip would beg to differ. They spend most of the time looking for advertisements for the show on the TV and thumbing through the books about the circus that I have drug home from the library.
Soon, the big day is here. Time for "The Greatest Show on Earth."
Traffic around the arena is terrible. There isn't a parking garage, and the folks in the neighboring houses often provide spaces in driveways and front lawns-for a price.
Legolas is already caught up in the excitement. "We kin paerk dere," he says, pointing to a spot curbside, unfortunately marked with yellow paint and directly in front of a fire hydrant. Yes Dear passes it up. Thinking maybe Yes Dear's human ears are failing him, Legolas raises his voice as he points to a spot on the front lawn of a house with a meticulously groomed yard covered in a rich shade of bright green winter rye grass.
"Hoew abot dere?!" he invites.
Yes Dear rolls his eyes and keeps going. There is a woman in a bright yellow raincoat standing in the road ahead waving a homemade orange traffic wand built from a piece of rolled up orange construction paper, gesturing wildly to get our attention and pointing off to her left.
"Iz she a cloewn?" asks the Prance to no one in particular. "She forgoet her maekuep."
She is quite comical, especially since it is very sunny outside and there is not a drop of rain for miles. Yes Dear follows her crazy gesticulations, and soon we are parked in what I assume to be the woman's back yard. She comes to the driver's side window and announces, "That'll be five dollars."
Yes Dear makes a face but coughs up the bill. He's tired of the traffic already. We climb out of the car and begin to do our last minute check.
"Money?" asks Yes Dear.
"Check," I answer, patting my front right pocket.
"Tickets?" he asks again.
"Check," I answer again, patting my left jacket pocket.
He begins to head for the sidewalk. Little Pip begins her list.
"Tissues?" she asks.
"Check," I say, feeling in my right jacket pocket for the handy travel pack.
"Cough drops?
"Check," also located in the pocket with the tissues. Little Pip heads for her place beside her Daddy.
Legolas is standing beside the rear door of the car, staring at me with a puzzled expression on his fair face.
"What is the matter with you?" I inquire.
"I wuz wundring eef u haed a plaec tu puet my koemb."
Sighing, I wonder how he will live without it long enough for me to get it into my pocket. I reach out my hand palm-up for him to hand it over. He takes one last quick go through his immaculate blond locks with the comb, using the side-view mirror of the car, then hands it over with a sigh of his own and turns to join the rest of the family.
The funny thing is, he's got 4 pockets of his own in the blue jeans he is wearing. Maybe they are too tight for the comb to fit comfortably, I think to myself. With a quick glance, I size him up. The jeans are tight, but not too tight for a comb to fit in the back pocket. I think he just wants to be a part of the pocket check brigade myself.
Soon we are standing in the mob of parents and screaming youngsters waiting to enter the arena. There is a little boy of about 3 years old in line behind me who grasps the back hem of my jacket every time we move forward up the 40 or so stairs to the top where the entrance is located. Thinking how I miss the times when Little Pip was small, I look over to see Legolas is having his own set of difficulties with the steps.
There is little girl about 4 years old in the cutest pink princess outfit standing behind him. On her head is the most elaborate pink plastic princess crown I have ever seen. It is holding the masses of curls atop her head in the most princess-like arrangement of hairstyles since the last Little Miss USA pageant. Every time she ascends a step, she carefully lifts the hem of her pink princess gown with both tiny hands so that she can see her little matching pink ballet slippers. As she looks back up, the pink plastic crown gives the Prance a nice little goose right in the rear. This has been going on for at least 15 steps, and I don't see it stopping before the 40th one is finally attained. I have a hard time controlling my giggles. Legolas just shrugs and grins, squinching his eyes shut as she gets him once again.
I hold the four tickets out to the man with the scanner, who runs the laser light over them quickly and efficiently. Each of us steps through the turnstiles; of course, Legolas has to pause and see if the bar will go around backwards as well.
Once inside, we make our way through the mob to our section. A nice gentleman in a maroon polo shirt checks our seat numbers and shows us where to find them. All three rings have performers interacting with the crowd as a warm-up already. In the first ring, the audience members are doing a version of country line dancing. In the center ring, a man with a scruffy black dog is trying to get the dog to climb into a suitcase, but the dog is running into the crowd and then as the man searches for him, the dog slips up behind him and knocks him down repeatedly. In the third ring, a troop of acrobats are lining children up in a row and leaping over them, turning somersaults in the air.
I find it impossible to keep my eyes on more than one thing at the time. I glance over at Legolas, who is watching everything at once in rapt attention, mouth gaping open. We finally get to the front row and scramble over each other until everyone is satisfied with the seating arrangements. Legolas hasn't taken his eyes off the happenings in front of us once the whole time. It takes a tiny push to get him to sit down.
"I would like a snowcone," says Little Pip. "Dad, will you go with me to get one?"
"Sure," says Yes Dear. He glances at Legolas and decides this is not the best time to interrupt. "You want anything?" he asks me.
"How about a drink and some cotton candy?" I ask. Yes Dear makes a face. Cotton candy is not on his list of favorites. He's a sausage dog kind of guy.
They are gone for about 10 minutes before I realize I still have all of the tickets in my pocket. Thinking they might be in the lobby but unable to get back to the seats without a ticket, I turn to tell Legolas that I will be right back. He nods without taking his eyes off the action in all three rings.
I run into them outside the bathrooms. Handing them the tickets, I take a moment myself to get ready for the show. When I return to my seat, the arena is already darkened and the parade has begun. Elephants and horses, clowns and dancing girls, acrobats and tightrope walkers, everyone is making their way around the arena for the opening number. By the time I can find my seat again, the first act is underway.
"Where's Legolas?" I ask Yes Dear as I plop into my seat. "I hate that he's missing this."
"I thought he went to the bathroom when you did," answers Yes Dear.
"No, I left him here staring at the goings-on in all three rings for the pre-show. You mean he wasn't here when you got back?"
"No. He was already gone."
Reaching into my pocket, I realize I never gave a ticket to Legolas. Poor thing, he had to go, and now he's missed the first two numbers because he hasn't got a ticket to get back in. I should have asked him about the bathroom when I went to find Yes Dear and Little Pip before.
"I'll be right back," I tell Yes Dear, handing over my bag of cotton candy with its big baby blue top hat attached. Little Pip quickly confiscates the hat, placing it upon her own head.
"Cool, Mom!" she says.
I make my way to the lobby, but Legolas is nowhere in sight. I hang around outside the men's room, thinking maybe he's still in there, though I wonder what could possibly take him this long since I still have his comb conveniently tucked into my jacket pocket. After a good 10 minutes go by, I am starting to worry. I decide the best plan of action is to go get Yes Dear and have him come check the men's room to see if Legolas is alright.
Returning to my seat, I note that Legolas has not come back on his own while I was scoping the men's room for him. There is a clown act currently going on in the ring directly in front of us, and I think to myself that maybe it is a good thing he has not returned yet. There are about 10 clowns carrying large inflated beach balls of all colors, weaving in and out of each other and doing the wave as they carry the balls around. The colors and movements are really quite fluid and pretty, and sort of relaxing in a way. As I reach for Yes Dear's arm, intending to ask him to check the bathroom for me, the third clown from the front of the line catches my eye.
She is dressed in a rainbow striped dress, not much longer than a tunic really, all purples and oranges and greens and reds and yellows and blues. The stripes run vertically, making her look even thinner and taller than she naturally is. She has on a pair of bright orange tights, and a red hat with holes cut in it so that her pigtails can stick out on either side. Her shoes are not as large as most clown shoes usually are, but the bright red color matches her hat well.
What strikes me as funny about her and makes my eyes focus on her alone is the way she continually looks at the other clowns, almost as if this is her first time doing the routine. She appears to be carefully gauging her actions; every once in awhile she steps off with the right foot when she should have used the left, though quickly correcting herself and keeping up. She laughs in all the right places, even though a little behind the other clowns.
A new grad from clown school, I think to myself. Well, she's a natural!
As the act ends and all the clowns run out of the arena to the left, I watch as three of the other clowns clap her on the back, congratulating her on her performance.
I turn to Yes Dear, handing him Legolas' ticket and asking him about that bathroom check for me, now getting a little worried because Legolas still has not come back. I fear that he may have gotten turned around in the vast arena and is wandering around looking for his seat.
The trapeze artists do their high-flying act, the elephants come on and show their stuff. Still no Legolas. Now there's no Yes Dear either.
In another 5 minutes I am getting a bit desperate. Little Pip is enjoying the show so much I am reluctant to ask her to get up with me and leave to look for the guys, though I think that is exactly what I will be forced to do soon. I wonder if maybe something has happened in the bathroom, and that Yes Dear is hoping I will come to look for him because he can't come to look for me. I have the mind of a mother, and right now it is running rampant, beginning to do all the stranger danger and evil bad guy things again.
About the time I am ready to gather up our things to go, Yes Dear reappears.
"Did you find him?" I ask, trying to control the urgency and panic in my voice.
"No. Not a sign of him," he answers. "I went ahead and alerted the employees assigned to our section area, but I think the best thing we can do for now is just stay put."
As I begin to protest, my befuddled brain registers the second entrance of the clown troupe. The tall skinny girl clown is back, this time with a really overweight lady clown and a medium sized male clown. The two trim and fit clowns are trying to convince the overweight clown to work out on the exercise equipment located in the ring. As the overweight clown finally agrees to try the treadmill machine, the female clown with the pigtails turns directly towards me and makes eye contact. She waves. Just a tiny little sort of hey-it's-really-me sort of wave, not something anyone else in the audience will notice. And then it hits me.
The female clown isn't really a female, or a clown, at all.
"Oh dear God," I hear Yes Dear gulp beside me.
"Hey, Mom, isn't that . . .?" whispers Little Pip.
All I can think of to do is give a tiny little wave back.
Tbc . . .
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Special thanks to PuterPatty for catching the misspellings and the comma errors for me this time. I love you, I really do. I due tu!!! HUSH! In a minute!
You can all thank PP for reminding me that I needed to let you know exactly why Legolas' comb had to go into my jacket pocket, and I quote her directly, "Are his jeans REALLY that tight???"
And now, what you've all been waiting for (geez, I coulda skipped writing and living all that stuff above!) . . .
Lub Ledderz frum Legolas:
PuterPatty: WHUT AR U LAFFIN ABOT?? Bie da Valar, al, deed u bie eny moer of deze tikitz fur dis tikit kowntr thaeng? I hav aelredie loedid it a duzn tiemz, an it iz eemptie agin! I thaenk PP is sneekin uep hear an gittin eggstra tikitz. Hoew come eberybuddie keapz taelkin abot faenfurlz like dey ar woars dan Baelrogz? Heaheahea! "Dueh!" heaheahea! Due dat fuenkie daense fur me, wite gurl! *snoegz u saensliss*
Grammar Laedee: Thaenkz fur da choklitz! Kin u seand sum of dat bandana puedin tu? Da reel hoemaid kiend? Noet dat stuef dat al and Yaes Deer and BEH maed u throew awae, buet da reel thaeng? Oenlee u kin maek it like dat! *huegz an keesiz*
Stimpy: Dey sakriefiese peepl at ur chuerch tu? Du u thaenk dey weel ebber ruen out of veergeenz dere? *hueg*
Magical Rachel: I lub dat luuk! I muest hav maed u haeppie tu! I em a bit wurried tho, u sed tu wach out fur da faengurlz? Whie? al sez tu tael u it weel suun bea reerun tiem on da TV, whuteber dat meenz. * keesiz*
Lily Frost: Hannon le! Dat muest be Leedle Peep'z wield straewbarrie shaempu u smael. Araporn haz alwaez goet wimin trubel. Gimli iz tuf, buet he duz git tierd. Due u nead sum bierdsead fur ur toez? *hueg *
Vladimir's Angel: *hoeldz uep sine dat sez 'blonedz ar dum" wid a lien draewn thru dum * MMMMmmmm. . .malteaser . . . MMmmmmmm. Hannon le! * keesiz*
Lady Silence: Dere wuz an imp hear wid sum Tweezlrz waerin feeshnaet stoekinz. He sed u seant heem. Da CoD'z wear guud tu. Hannon le! *Huegz *
Karri: Yaes Deer izn't meen. He'z jest a beeg smaellie maen like Araporn. He liekz tu teeze me tu, soe I feal rite at hoem. *Hueg fur u!*
The Two Princesses: * XXXXXOOOOOOXXXXOOOOO * I tried tu teech al da hoers moentin moev, buet she iz soe huemin at tiemz! She'z bean noked doewn a hunnerd tiemz at leest, buet she steel keapz tryen. al iz sum teekleesh, buet noet muech. I em noet teekleesh at all. *al pokes Legolas * Are too! Em noet! * al pokes Legolas again * Are too! Daro, al! Nok it oeff! See! *teahea! * I em noet! *geeglz * Are too! * al knocks Lego face down on the floor and sits on his back, grabing one of his bent legs by the foot* NOE! NOE! al, DARO! * al pulls off Lego's shoes* DARO, al! I meen it! Tickle, tickle, Prance Legolas! DARO!!!!! *BWAAHHAAAAHAAAAA!!!!!!! *
Chelsey: Theoden iz faestr dan u thaenk. Plues, doze old peepl wurk tugethr en teemz, like al and Yaes Deer. It doent maettr hoew faest u ar den. Dey goet u. *smuuch*
Jazz: Fiexd? I deent reelize I wuz broek. U doent meen fiexd like da doeg and kaetz, due u? * shueddrz* U bedder hueg me, I nead it. * huegz u bak*
Laura: Hae! Mebbe I shuld git al tu hep me puell a praenk oen Yaes Deer. Dat wuld bea fuen! * Keez fur u*
Sperry Dee: U hav a Naz-Buennie? Woew! Mebbe I culd boerroe it tu taek wid me nekz tiem we goe tu da Grammar Laedee'z chuerch, tu protek me an all. Wuld dat bea okae? *Hueg *
leail: LEAIL!!!! I em soe glaed tu here frum u agin! Seekrit? I doent seam tu hav eny of dose enymoer. * glaerz at al* LEAIL!!!! Soerrie, I haed tu due it agin 'cuz I like hoew it souwndz!! *Deep an a loeng kees fur u! *
Newmoon: I bet u laffed at Yeas Deer'z joek tho, deedn't u? I sumtimez git tu hep al wid da lokal plaez dat she wurkz wid. Whoe deed u pertend tu bea? Ar u fealin da reeleaf from widdrawel yeat? *skweeazez u *
Legolana Greenleaf: MMMmmm! Whur deed u git dese hart shaepd wonz? I lub dem! Dey sae "I lub u!" *she theenkz I rok-woohoo (c Celeborn)! * I em glaed I hav u tu pertekt me! *keesez *
Jaguar Kitty 2006: It iz guud tu bea bak. I hav sean TTT wid al a kuple of tiemz noew. She iz uep tu 10. MMmmmm-Juenyur Meentz ar guud! I dunnoe abot Haldir. I neber goet a chaense tu fiend out misef. *beeg hueg fur u! *
IRENA: GIT KLOESR, BAYBEE!!!!! * squertz maesag kreem oen loeng feengrd haendz* Hoew ar we gunna taek kaer of dis veergeen thaeng, a'maelamin? * ruebz ur nekjest like u like it* Taelk tu me, baybee . . . . *snuegglz * Hae, wach da Royael Baeksied, dere!!!
isilwen: I gess I wuz jest soe bizy wid learning tu bea a guud fiter, dat I goet distraktid an all. Yeas Deer iz noet meen, he jest likez tu teeze me. *Kees! *
Abbey Road: I em glaed tu chear u uep. I like ur naem, I aelso lub da Beetlz! I doent hav a faevorit pearsun, buet my faevorite soeng iz "Paeprbak Riter." Yaes Deer an al hav a loet of dere albumz an a cuple of See Deez, *elbin lub fur u! *
Mickie: Mickie! Mickie! Deed u sea day Bued Shuutowt?? Spead Weak?? Da Tween 125'z?? Woooo Hoooo (c Celeborn)! I lub Dove choklitz. I lub oreoz tu. al sez doent tael tu muech, shez goet a surpriez fur me!!! *huegz u *
Nevavariel: Woew! U red all dat jest fur me?! I em soe eggsited! Glaed u hav joend us! Wekkom! *huegglez u *
Karone: Deedn't u sae u wuld giv me sum ise kreem wid a chaerrie oen da toep? Dat sowndz guud tu me! Choklit, pleeze??!! *beeg hueg *
borednhyper: It shur aen't noe seekrit enimoer, iz it. Deed u sea da neu "faek me"?? *keesez fur u *
Andy's Princess: I haed summoer of Grammar Laedeez bandana pueddin an sum koernd beef an putaetoz, an . . . loetz of thaengz. al sez she iz hoenerd that u thaenk owr stoerree iz dat guud! *snuegglz an kuddlz *
Hiro-tyre: I em gitting perty guud wid da Sea Pee ar, soe I kin saev u ef neaded. Iem glaed u feal bedder! *praktise keesez fur u *
Michelle: Choklit iz da beast eveel dere iz! *noedz * choklit keesez fur u! *
Seaweed: I thaenk dey hav sum kiend of deatektiv deavises tu tael whoe ez a veegeen. I deedn't waent tu wate tu loeng tu fiend owt. Wuz dat Gimli I saew waerin a red draess tu da Goeldn Gloeb awaerdz? *weenk! *
Jaded Scorpio: U muest chek fur uepdatez every tiem u eet! Oer bruesh ur teef! Oer goe tu da poettie! Woew! Datz aloet! I wuld like tu ried hoersiz wid u sumdae. *Skweeze! *
Nilmandra: al sez tu tael u dis wulda bean uep suuner eggsept I taek tu loeng wid all dese lub ledderz. I em glaed tu maek u prowd of me. *Keesez *
laure: I em steel a veergeen. It'z bean 4 hoel weakz an noethin haz chaengd, tho I hav haed meeny oeffrz. Deed u git da coempy feexed? * smuuch *
Goddess-Isis-112: Hi! al here-Legolas is still scrambling around on the floor trying to gather up the kisses you dropped for him. He'd be done already except that he keeps stopping to reload his cheeks. He looks like an overgrown chipmunk. Thanks so much for your perseverance and comments. HAE! HAE! Thaenkz frum me tu! * Huegz an keesez!*
Frodo girl: I dunno hoew Frodo weel feal abot me steelin heez gurl. I weel giv u a tikit tho, jest as suun az I git da thaeng reeloaeded. * snueggl*
Anja: al haz nerbz of steal. She kin haendl enithaeng. I meesd u! I em glaed tu noe u ar redy tu protek me. * smuuch*
Holly: Tin tiemz iz guud! Goe agin, okae? An Gimli, weel, I tole heem dat I em da drievr an dat he shuld neber sit en da saeddl, soe he goet whut wuz komin tu heem. * kees!*
Becky: Hae Becky! I em glaed u fienaly desidid tu rite tu me. I neu it wuz u out dere all da tiem! I hav elbin eyez, u noe. MMMMmmmm . . . kandee . . . . *Hueg *
OverCastDay: Yeas Deer deedn't noe abot me. He wuz jest plaeyn a joek. *beeg hueg* I lub dis daense! *steap, steap, steap, steap. . . * Hey! Can I join in?? Okae! * steap, step, steap, step, sheemie, sh . . . Buemp!!! Wait, what's with all that shimmy-shimmy stuff? I never showed you THAT! *greanz! *
Arilyn: Tweestd ez an eggselant naem fur Yeas Deer'z huemr. I addid da buugaluu tu dat daense steap fur da haeppie daense-sea? *steap, buugaluu, steap, buugaluu * Like it? *snueggl *
Rose: *sighs, an huegz u agin *
Endomiel: Dat Yeas Deer deed skeer me perty guud. I em havn a reely guud tiem hear az u kin sea! *cueddlz *
Campy Oh: Oeh! I em soe glaed u cowht uep wid me! Due ur eyez feal bedder yeat? I hav sean dat guy whoe thaenkz he iz me-he'z soerta kute, u noe?? *beeg kees fur u *
Max Jive: Noebuddie eber axed me abot it beafour! Dey jest riet whuteber dey ar dreemin, I gess. I em kwite a stued, doen't u thaenk??? *greanz, weenkz, and huegz u *
JastaElf: Hae Jasta! Hae Ada! * keesez fur bof of u* Jaesta, weel dat eggsplainashun of da sakriefise hav a haendz oen demon-strashun? Az loeng az it eezn't me, dat wuld bea okae. I thaenk I git my Adar'z dreeft. U noe, Araporn alwaez duz waelk beahiend me whin we ar goen uep steapz an inklinz. Sumtiemz he geevz me a leedle puesh oen da baksied, like I wuld reely nead hep or sumptin . . . wate . . . al, deed she sae "huenniebuen of lub"? *faentz*
Java Glxy: Maek dat an aelmost 3000 yeer oeld veergeen. * kees fur u * Whut due u meen da inmaetz deedn't git me? Due dey waent tikitz tu? Bie da Valar!!!
ScarsOnMyHeart: O.O Goellie! I doen't thaenk I hav eber sean eniwon dat eggsietid en my hoel lief! Weel, mebbe Brethil, buet datz anuthr stoeree. Thaenkz fur da kaendee! *kueddlz *
bizzy: Hearz a tikit jest fur u! I hoep u wear noet trien tu brieb me fur da nuembr 1 tikit? U weel hav tu sea PuterPatty abot dat. Irena haz #2, soe goe sea her nekz if PP woen't traed u. al sez oen ur budjit, we weel bea haeppie wid jest a reeview or tuu. *Huegz *
Thalia: Thaenkz fur reeveweeng! I thot I saew u luerkin out dere. I em glaed tu heer u lub me soe muech! *snuegglz *
Estina: * weenkz at u* I em a faebulus Orc fietr, doen't u thaenk?! *flaexzs muesclz * OOOHHH! al, whut wuz dat? That was a bunch of fangurls squealing, baby. Hied me, al! Hied me!
miao-miao: I wuz dere all nite, an I wuz miety huengrie aftur all dat fietin at Helm's Deep. Wurkd uep an aepetite! *Hueg *
Blume: *kees fur u * My Ada iz da moest wundurful adar dat eber libed. He lubz me vary muech! Az fur dat buukbaeg of al'z, it iz vary beeg en da sentr, an I EM an elf. I em 6 feat tael (wael, aelmoest!), buet I em vary flaezable. Sea? *flaexzs * al, derez dat sownd agin! Hied me! Hied me!
Dunrosiel: Siuldad, Dunrosiel! I due noet aelwaez meen tu bea fuennie, sumtiemz it jest wurkz out dat wae. U doen't nead tu wurry, hav u eber sean a faet elf?? *Huegz u *
anna: I gess I em steel *ahem *, whuteber dat ez. I reely thot dose leedle ole laedeez wuld at leest hav loekd da doar or seant sum doegz aftur me. I gess dey weel hav tu wate teel nekz weak an trie agin. *snugglz u *
Lady Peredhel: Dere ez muech moer kompitishun fur elbin maedinz een Meedle- erth. Hav u eber sean an ueglee elf? *sheevrz * Oohhh! My eerz! * Keesez u bak*
aftem: Due u hav a beeg klosit? I hav goettin spoeld bie havin my oewn ruum at al'z howse. Thaenkz fur oeffrin tu protek me. *skweaze fur u *
TreeHugger: I due lub da Krokadial Huentr! I doen't nead noe kroks tho, I hav PP! Rite, PP? Tael Elu I doen't ware jeawlrey, easpacieally doewn dere. I uendrstaend da sakrifiese thaeng noew, buet dat iz a stoeree fur a deefrint dae, u noe? al sez tael u I em saefr hear dan eniwaer oen Modrn- erth, and dat da Valar neu eggsacktlee whur dey wear seandin me, baftuebz and buebblez an all. Whuteber she meanz by dat. Giv won of dese X an O'z tu eberibuddie, okae? XOXOXOXXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXOXOX
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Oew! Oew! al, my feengrz huert!
I imagine so! That was 55 lub ledderz you wrote for just this chapter!! Next time, do you promise not to wait so long before you start typing up these . . .these . . these. . . "vaelintienz of elbin lub"?
I weel staert ritin jest az suun az de reevew gitz hear, I proemiss! We hav bean uep all niet fur 3 daez!
Maybe we should just tell them we don't need them to review. Then you won't have to work so hard.
NOE! NOE! al, hav u goen nuetz? Whut weel I due widout my lub ledderz??? *soebzz! *
PLEEZE DOEN'T LEESTN TU HER!!! SHE'Z GOEN MAED!!!!
Come on. Let's go stock up on some more sugar. You're plumb empty after all that loving and hugging and kissing you've been doing there.
Doen't furgit da snoeggin, an da maesaeg, I gav IRENA a maesaeg tu. . . .
For now, I present to you, for your viewing pleasure, the One, the Only, the Most Fabulous, the Most Fantastic, Live in front of you right this Very Instant, . . .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 4 The Greatest Show on Earth
Yes Dear comes home Wednesday evening sporting four, count 'em, FOUR tickets to the Bi-lo Center for next Saturday. Front row seats, to be exact, to the matinee performance of "The Greatest Show on Earth."
"Whooopeee!" shouts Little Pip, dancing around.
"Whut?" asks the Prance, uncomprehending. "Whut?"
"We're going to the CIRCUS!" she shouts, locking arms with him and spinning him around in a circle.
He follows the movements of her dance, grinning madly, caught up in her excitement. As they spin he inquires again, "Whut iz a seerkus?"
She laughs at him, stopping her spinning and turning him to face her, grabbing him by both shoulders.
"A circus, precioussssss," she teases, "is a show that you go to that has all kinds of wild animals, and . . . ."
"Like da zew, u meen?" he cuts in, thinking maybe he's 'been there and done that' already since he watches 'Pee Bea Ess' and they have wild animal shows on there all the time. Even Sesame Street and Mister Rogers have shown clips of the zoo.
"No, no, not like the zoo," she says. "These animals are special. They can do tricks and things. There are elephants who can play basketball, and the horses dance and walk around on their back legs. The tigers jump through flaming hoops and things like that."
"Woew!" exclaims the Prance. "We hav oliphants een Meedle-erth, buet dey doen't noew hoew tu plae baeskitbaell." The Prance is very familiar with basketball, as he has watched many a game this winter with Yes Dear from the rocking chair in the den.
"There are acrobats, and trapeze artists. . . ."
"Arteestz?" he interrupts. "I lub aert! Due dey paynt wile u wach dem?"
"No, dummy," she replies, thumping him on the chest, "Trapeze artists fly through the air high above the ground, turning somersaults and things."
"Like buddrfliez?" he asks, confused.
"Nevermind," she answers, "you'll see. There are also motorcycle riders, and a tightrope walker, and clowns. . . ."
"Cloewnz?" the Prance gulps. "I doen't like cloewnz."
"Why not, Legolas?" I ask. I didn't think he even knew what a clown was, much less knew enough to have an opinion of them.
"Cloewnz ar skeerie," he says with a shudder. "Dey maek me git guusepeemplz."
"No, they aren't!" Little Pip scoffs. "Clowns are funny. They have make- believe fights and wear pants that are too big so they keep falling down."
"Enough already," I tell them both. "Off to wash for supper."
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The week passes by quickly, at least for me. Legolas and Little Pip would beg to differ. They spend most of the time looking for advertisements for the show on the TV and thumbing through the books about the circus that I have drug home from the library.
Soon, the big day is here. Time for "The Greatest Show on Earth."
Traffic around the arena is terrible. There isn't a parking garage, and the folks in the neighboring houses often provide spaces in driveways and front lawns-for a price.
Legolas is already caught up in the excitement. "We kin paerk dere," he says, pointing to a spot curbside, unfortunately marked with yellow paint and directly in front of a fire hydrant. Yes Dear passes it up. Thinking maybe Yes Dear's human ears are failing him, Legolas raises his voice as he points to a spot on the front lawn of a house with a meticulously groomed yard covered in a rich shade of bright green winter rye grass.
"Hoew abot dere?!" he invites.
Yes Dear rolls his eyes and keeps going. There is a woman in a bright yellow raincoat standing in the road ahead waving a homemade orange traffic wand built from a piece of rolled up orange construction paper, gesturing wildly to get our attention and pointing off to her left.
"Iz she a cloewn?" asks the Prance to no one in particular. "She forgoet her maekuep."
She is quite comical, especially since it is very sunny outside and there is not a drop of rain for miles. Yes Dear follows her crazy gesticulations, and soon we are parked in what I assume to be the woman's back yard. She comes to the driver's side window and announces, "That'll be five dollars."
Yes Dear makes a face but coughs up the bill. He's tired of the traffic already. We climb out of the car and begin to do our last minute check.
"Money?" asks Yes Dear.
"Check," I answer, patting my front right pocket.
"Tickets?" he asks again.
"Check," I answer again, patting my left jacket pocket.
He begins to head for the sidewalk. Little Pip begins her list.
"Tissues?" she asks.
"Check," I say, feeling in my right jacket pocket for the handy travel pack.
"Cough drops?
"Check," also located in the pocket with the tissues. Little Pip heads for her place beside her Daddy.
Legolas is standing beside the rear door of the car, staring at me with a puzzled expression on his fair face.
"What is the matter with you?" I inquire.
"I wuz wundring eef u haed a plaec tu puet my koemb."
Sighing, I wonder how he will live without it long enough for me to get it into my pocket. I reach out my hand palm-up for him to hand it over. He takes one last quick go through his immaculate blond locks with the comb, using the side-view mirror of the car, then hands it over with a sigh of his own and turns to join the rest of the family.
The funny thing is, he's got 4 pockets of his own in the blue jeans he is wearing. Maybe they are too tight for the comb to fit comfortably, I think to myself. With a quick glance, I size him up. The jeans are tight, but not too tight for a comb to fit in the back pocket. I think he just wants to be a part of the pocket check brigade myself.
Soon we are standing in the mob of parents and screaming youngsters waiting to enter the arena. There is a little boy of about 3 years old in line behind me who grasps the back hem of my jacket every time we move forward up the 40 or so stairs to the top where the entrance is located. Thinking how I miss the times when Little Pip was small, I look over to see Legolas is having his own set of difficulties with the steps.
There is little girl about 4 years old in the cutest pink princess outfit standing behind him. On her head is the most elaborate pink plastic princess crown I have ever seen. It is holding the masses of curls atop her head in the most princess-like arrangement of hairstyles since the last Little Miss USA pageant. Every time she ascends a step, she carefully lifts the hem of her pink princess gown with both tiny hands so that she can see her little matching pink ballet slippers. As she looks back up, the pink plastic crown gives the Prance a nice little goose right in the rear. This has been going on for at least 15 steps, and I don't see it stopping before the 40th one is finally attained. I have a hard time controlling my giggles. Legolas just shrugs and grins, squinching his eyes shut as she gets him once again.
I hold the four tickets out to the man with the scanner, who runs the laser light over them quickly and efficiently. Each of us steps through the turnstiles; of course, Legolas has to pause and see if the bar will go around backwards as well.
Once inside, we make our way through the mob to our section. A nice gentleman in a maroon polo shirt checks our seat numbers and shows us where to find them. All three rings have performers interacting with the crowd as a warm-up already. In the first ring, the audience members are doing a version of country line dancing. In the center ring, a man with a scruffy black dog is trying to get the dog to climb into a suitcase, but the dog is running into the crowd and then as the man searches for him, the dog slips up behind him and knocks him down repeatedly. In the third ring, a troop of acrobats are lining children up in a row and leaping over them, turning somersaults in the air.
I find it impossible to keep my eyes on more than one thing at the time. I glance over at Legolas, who is watching everything at once in rapt attention, mouth gaping open. We finally get to the front row and scramble over each other until everyone is satisfied with the seating arrangements. Legolas hasn't taken his eyes off the happenings in front of us once the whole time. It takes a tiny push to get him to sit down.
"I would like a snowcone," says Little Pip. "Dad, will you go with me to get one?"
"Sure," says Yes Dear. He glances at Legolas and decides this is not the best time to interrupt. "You want anything?" he asks me.
"How about a drink and some cotton candy?" I ask. Yes Dear makes a face. Cotton candy is not on his list of favorites. He's a sausage dog kind of guy.
They are gone for about 10 minutes before I realize I still have all of the tickets in my pocket. Thinking they might be in the lobby but unable to get back to the seats without a ticket, I turn to tell Legolas that I will be right back. He nods without taking his eyes off the action in all three rings.
I run into them outside the bathrooms. Handing them the tickets, I take a moment myself to get ready for the show. When I return to my seat, the arena is already darkened and the parade has begun. Elephants and horses, clowns and dancing girls, acrobats and tightrope walkers, everyone is making their way around the arena for the opening number. By the time I can find my seat again, the first act is underway.
"Where's Legolas?" I ask Yes Dear as I plop into my seat. "I hate that he's missing this."
"I thought he went to the bathroom when you did," answers Yes Dear.
"No, I left him here staring at the goings-on in all three rings for the pre-show. You mean he wasn't here when you got back?"
"No. He was already gone."
Reaching into my pocket, I realize I never gave a ticket to Legolas. Poor thing, he had to go, and now he's missed the first two numbers because he hasn't got a ticket to get back in. I should have asked him about the bathroom when I went to find Yes Dear and Little Pip before.
"I'll be right back," I tell Yes Dear, handing over my bag of cotton candy with its big baby blue top hat attached. Little Pip quickly confiscates the hat, placing it upon her own head.
"Cool, Mom!" she says.
I make my way to the lobby, but Legolas is nowhere in sight. I hang around outside the men's room, thinking maybe he's still in there, though I wonder what could possibly take him this long since I still have his comb conveniently tucked into my jacket pocket. After a good 10 minutes go by, I am starting to worry. I decide the best plan of action is to go get Yes Dear and have him come check the men's room to see if Legolas is alright.
Returning to my seat, I note that Legolas has not come back on his own while I was scoping the men's room for him. There is a clown act currently going on in the ring directly in front of us, and I think to myself that maybe it is a good thing he has not returned yet. There are about 10 clowns carrying large inflated beach balls of all colors, weaving in and out of each other and doing the wave as they carry the balls around. The colors and movements are really quite fluid and pretty, and sort of relaxing in a way. As I reach for Yes Dear's arm, intending to ask him to check the bathroom for me, the third clown from the front of the line catches my eye.
She is dressed in a rainbow striped dress, not much longer than a tunic really, all purples and oranges and greens and reds and yellows and blues. The stripes run vertically, making her look even thinner and taller than she naturally is. She has on a pair of bright orange tights, and a red hat with holes cut in it so that her pigtails can stick out on either side. Her shoes are not as large as most clown shoes usually are, but the bright red color matches her hat well.
What strikes me as funny about her and makes my eyes focus on her alone is the way she continually looks at the other clowns, almost as if this is her first time doing the routine. She appears to be carefully gauging her actions; every once in awhile she steps off with the right foot when she should have used the left, though quickly correcting herself and keeping up. She laughs in all the right places, even though a little behind the other clowns.
A new grad from clown school, I think to myself. Well, she's a natural!
As the act ends and all the clowns run out of the arena to the left, I watch as three of the other clowns clap her on the back, congratulating her on her performance.
I turn to Yes Dear, handing him Legolas' ticket and asking him about that bathroom check for me, now getting a little worried because Legolas still has not come back. I fear that he may have gotten turned around in the vast arena and is wandering around looking for his seat.
The trapeze artists do their high-flying act, the elephants come on and show their stuff. Still no Legolas. Now there's no Yes Dear either.
In another 5 minutes I am getting a bit desperate. Little Pip is enjoying the show so much I am reluctant to ask her to get up with me and leave to look for the guys, though I think that is exactly what I will be forced to do soon. I wonder if maybe something has happened in the bathroom, and that Yes Dear is hoping I will come to look for him because he can't come to look for me. I have the mind of a mother, and right now it is running rampant, beginning to do all the stranger danger and evil bad guy things again.
About the time I am ready to gather up our things to go, Yes Dear reappears.
"Did you find him?" I ask, trying to control the urgency and panic in my voice.
"No. Not a sign of him," he answers. "I went ahead and alerted the employees assigned to our section area, but I think the best thing we can do for now is just stay put."
As I begin to protest, my befuddled brain registers the second entrance of the clown troupe. The tall skinny girl clown is back, this time with a really overweight lady clown and a medium sized male clown. The two trim and fit clowns are trying to convince the overweight clown to work out on the exercise equipment located in the ring. As the overweight clown finally agrees to try the treadmill machine, the female clown with the pigtails turns directly towards me and makes eye contact. She waves. Just a tiny little sort of hey-it's-really-me sort of wave, not something anyone else in the audience will notice. And then it hits me.
The female clown isn't really a female, or a clown, at all.
"Oh dear God," I hear Yes Dear gulp beside me.
"Hey, Mom, isn't that . . .?" whispers Little Pip.
All I can think of to do is give a tiny little wave back.
Tbc . . .
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Special thanks to PuterPatty for catching the misspellings and the comma errors for me this time. I love you, I really do. I due tu!!! HUSH! In a minute!
You can all thank PP for reminding me that I needed to let you know exactly why Legolas' comb had to go into my jacket pocket, and I quote her directly, "Are his jeans REALLY that tight???"
And now, what you've all been waiting for (geez, I coulda skipped writing and living all that stuff above!) . . .
Lub Ledderz frum Legolas:
PuterPatty: WHUT AR U LAFFIN ABOT?? Bie da Valar, al, deed u bie eny moer of deze tikitz fur dis tikit kowntr thaeng? I hav aelredie loedid it a duzn tiemz, an it iz eemptie agin! I thaenk PP is sneekin uep hear an gittin eggstra tikitz. Hoew come eberybuddie keapz taelkin abot faenfurlz like dey ar woars dan Baelrogz? Heaheahea! "Dueh!" heaheahea! Due dat fuenkie daense fur me, wite gurl! *snoegz u saensliss*
Grammar Laedee: Thaenkz fur da choklitz! Kin u seand sum of dat bandana puedin tu? Da reel hoemaid kiend? Noet dat stuef dat al and Yaes Deer and BEH maed u throew awae, buet da reel thaeng? Oenlee u kin maek it like dat! *huegz an keesiz*
Stimpy: Dey sakriefiese peepl at ur chuerch tu? Du u thaenk dey weel ebber ruen out of veergeenz dere? *hueg*
Magical Rachel: I lub dat luuk! I muest hav maed u haeppie tu! I em a bit wurried tho, u sed tu wach out fur da faengurlz? Whie? al sez tu tael u it weel suun bea reerun tiem on da TV, whuteber dat meenz. * keesiz*
Lily Frost: Hannon le! Dat muest be Leedle Peep'z wield straewbarrie shaempu u smael. Araporn haz alwaez goet wimin trubel. Gimli iz tuf, buet he duz git tierd. Due u nead sum bierdsead fur ur toez? *hueg *
Vladimir's Angel: *hoeldz uep sine dat sez 'blonedz ar dum" wid a lien draewn thru dum * MMMMmmmm. . .malteaser . . . MMmmmmmm. Hannon le! * keesiz*
Lady Silence: Dere wuz an imp hear wid sum Tweezlrz waerin feeshnaet stoekinz. He sed u seant heem. Da CoD'z wear guud tu. Hannon le! *Huegz *
Karri: Yaes Deer izn't meen. He'z jest a beeg smaellie maen like Araporn. He liekz tu teeze me tu, soe I feal rite at hoem. *Hueg fur u!*
The Two Princesses: * XXXXXOOOOOOXXXXOOOOO * I tried tu teech al da hoers moentin moev, buet she iz soe huemin at tiemz! She'z bean noked doewn a hunnerd tiemz at leest, buet she steel keapz tryen. al iz sum teekleesh, buet noet muech. I em noet teekleesh at all. *al pokes Legolas * Are too! Em noet! * al pokes Legolas again * Are too! Daro, al! Nok it oeff! See! *teahea! * I em noet! *geeglz * Are too! * al knocks Lego face down on the floor and sits on his back, grabing one of his bent legs by the foot* NOE! NOE! al, DARO! * al pulls off Lego's shoes* DARO, al! I meen it! Tickle, tickle, Prance Legolas! DARO!!!!! *BWAAHHAAAAHAAAAA!!!!!!! *
Chelsey: Theoden iz faestr dan u thaenk. Plues, doze old peepl wurk tugethr en teemz, like al and Yaes Deer. It doent maettr hoew faest u ar den. Dey goet u. *smuuch*
Jazz: Fiexd? I deent reelize I wuz broek. U doent meen fiexd like da doeg and kaetz, due u? * shueddrz* U bedder hueg me, I nead it. * huegz u bak*
Laura: Hae! Mebbe I shuld git al tu hep me puell a praenk oen Yaes Deer. Dat wuld bea fuen! * Keez fur u*
Sperry Dee: U hav a Naz-Buennie? Woew! Mebbe I culd boerroe it tu taek wid me nekz tiem we goe tu da Grammar Laedee'z chuerch, tu protek me an all. Wuld dat bea okae? *Hueg *
leail: LEAIL!!!! I em soe glaed tu here frum u agin! Seekrit? I doent seam tu hav eny of dose enymoer. * glaerz at al* LEAIL!!!! Soerrie, I haed tu due it agin 'cuz I like hoew it souwndz!! *Deep an a loeng kees fur u! *
Newmoon: I bet u laffed at Yeas Deer'z joek tho, deedn't u? I sumtimez git tu hep al wid da lokal plaez dat she wurkz wid. Whoe deed u pertend tu bea? Ar u fealin da reeleaf from widdrawel yeat? *skweeazez u *
Legolana Greenleaf: MMMmmm! Whur deed u git dese hart shaepd wonz? I lub dem! Dey sae "I lub u!" *she theenkz I rok-woohoo (c Celeborn)! * I em glaed I hav u tu pertekt me! *keesez *
Jaguar Kitty 2006: It iz guud tu bea bak. I hav sean TTT wid al a kuple of tiemz noew. She iz uep tu 10. MMmmmm-Juenyur Meentz ar guud! I dunnoe abot Haldir. I neber goet a chaense tu fiend out misef. *beeg hueg fur u! *
IRENA: GIT KLOESR, BAYBEE!!!!! * squertz maesag kreem oen loeng feengrd haendz* Hoew ar we gunna taek kaer of dis veergeen thaeng, a'maelamin? * ruebz ur nekjest like u like it* Taelk tu me, baybee . . . . *snuegglz * Hae, wach da Royael Baeksied, dere!!!
isilwen: I gess I wuz jest soe bizy wid learning tu bea a guud fiter, dat I goet distraktid an all. Yeas Deer iz noet meen, he jest likez tu teeze me. *Kees! *
Abbey Road: I em glaed tu chear u uep. I like ur naem, I aelso lub da Beetlz! I doent hav a faevorit pearsun, buet my faevorite soeng iz "Paeprbak Riter." Yaes Deer an al hav a loet of dere albumz an a cuple of See Deez, *elbin lub fur u! *
Mickie: Mickie! Mickie! Deed u sea day Bued Shuutowt?? Spead Weak?? Da Tween 125'z?? Woooo Hoooo (c Celeborn)! I lub Dove choklitz. I lub oreoz tu. al sez doent tael tu muech, shez goet a surpriez fur me!!! *huegz u *
Nevavariel: Woew! U red all dat jest fur me?! I em soe eggsited! Glaed u hav joend us! Wekkom! *huegglez u *
Karone: Deedn't u sae u wuld giv me sum ise kreem wid a chaerrie oen da toep? Dat sowndz guud tu me! Choklit, pleeze??!! *beeg hueg *
borednhyper: It shur aen't noe seekrit enimoer, iz it. Deed u sea da neu "faek me"?? *keesez fur u *
Andy's Princess: I haed summoer of Grammar Laedeez bandana pueddin an sum koernd beef an putaetoz, an . . . loetz of thaengz. al sez she iz hoenerd that u thaenk owr stoerree iz dat guud! *snuegglz an kuddlz *
Hiro-tyre: I em gitting perty guud wid da Sea Pee ar, soe I kin saev u ef neaded. Iem glaed u feal bedder! *praktise keesez fur u *
Michelle: Choklit iz da beast eveel dere iz! *noedz * choklit keesez fur u! *
Seaweed: I thaenk dey hav sum kiend of deatektiv deavises tu tael whoe ez a veegeen. I deedn't waent tu wate tu loeng tu fiend owt. Wuz dat Gimli I saew waerin a red draess tu da Goeldn Gloeb awaerdz? *weenk! *
Jaded Scorpio: U muest chek fur uepdatez every tiem u eet! Oer bruesh ur teef! Oer goe tu da poettie! Woew! Datz aloet! I wuld like tu ried hoersiz wid u sumdae. *Skweeze! *
Nilmandra: al sez tu tael u dis wulda bean uep suuner eggsept I taek tu loeng wid all dese lub ledderz. I em glaed tu maek u prowd of me. *Keesez *
laure: I em steel a veergeen. It'z bean 4 hoel weakz an noethin haz chaengd, tho I hav haed meeny oeffrz. Deed u git da coempy feexed? * smuuch *
Goddess-Isis-112: Hi! al here-Legolas is still scrambling around on the floor trying to gather up the kisses you dropped for him. He'd be done already except that he keeps stopping to reload his cheeks. He looks like an overgrown chipmunk. Thanks so much for your perseverance and comments. HAE! HAE! Thaenkz frum me tu! * Huegz an keesez!*
Frodo girl: I dunno hoew Frodo weel feal abot me steelin heez gurl. I weel giv u a tikit tho, jest as suun az I git da thaeng reeloaeded. * snueggl*
Anja: al haz nerbz of steal. She kin haendl enithaeng. I meesd u! I em glaed tu noe u ar redy tu protek me. * smuuch*
Holly: Tin tiemz iz guud! Goe agin, okae? An Gimli, weel, I tole heem dat I em da drievr an dat he shuld neber sit en da saeddl, soe he goet whut wuz komin tu heem. * kees!*
Becky: Hae Becky! I em glaed u fienaly desidid tu rite tu me. I neu it wuz u out dere all da tiem! I hav elbin eyez, u noe. MMMMmmmm . . . kandee . . . . *Hueg *
OverCastDay: Yeas Deer deedn't noe abot me. He wuz jest plaeyn a joek. *beeg hueg* I lub dis daense! *steap, steap, steap, steap. . . * Hey! Can I join in?? Okae! * steap, step, steap, step, sheemie, sh . . . Buemp!!! Wait, what's with all that shimmy-shimmy stuff? I never showed you THAT! *greanz! *
Arilyn: Tweestd ez an eggselant naem fur Yeas Deer'z huemr. I addid da buugaluu tu dat daense steap fur da haeppie daense-sea? *steap, buugaluu, steap, buugaluu * Like it? *snueggl *
Rose: *sighs, an huegz u agin *
Endomiel: Dat Yeas Deer deed skeer me perty guud. I em havn a reely guud tiem hear az u kin sea! *cueddlz *
Campy Oh: Oeh! I em soe glaed u cowht uep wid me! Due ur eyez feal bedder yeat? I hav sean dat guy whoe thaenkz he iz me-he'z soerta kute, u noe?? *beeg kees fur u *
Max Jive: Noebuddie eber axed me abot it beafour! Dey jest riet whuteber dey ar dreemin, I gess. I em kwite a stued, doen't u thaenk??? *greanz, weenkz, and huegz u *
JastaElf: Hae Jasta! Hae Ada! * keesez fur bof of u* Jaesta, weel dat eggsplainashun of da sakriefise hav a haendz oen demon-strashun? Az loeng az it eezn't me, dat wuld bea okae. I thaenk I git my Adar'z dreeft. U noe, Araporn alwaez duz waelk beahiend me whin we ar goen uep steapz an inklinz. Sumtiemz he geevz me a leedle puesh oen da baksied, like I wuld reely nead hep or sumptin . . . wate . . . al, deed she sae "huenniebuen of lub"? *faentz*
Java Glxy: Maek dat an aelmost 3000 yeer oeld veergeen. * kees fur u * Whut due u meen da inmaetz deedn't git me? Due dey waent tikitz tu? Bie da Valar!!!
ScarsOnMyHeart: O.O Goellie! I doen't thaenk I hav eber sean eniwon dat eggsietid en my hoel lief! Weel, mebbe Brethil, buet datz anuthr stoeree. Thaenkz fur da kaendee! *kueddlz *
bizzy: Hearz a tikit jest fur u! I hoep u wear noet trien tu brieb me fur da nuembr 1 tikit? U weel hav tu sea PuterPatty abot dat. Irena haz #2, soe goe sea her nekz if PP woen't traed u. al sez oen ur budjit, we weel bea haeppie wid jest a reeview or tuu. *Huegz *
Thalia: Thaenkz fur reeveweeng! I thot I saew u luerkin out dere. I em glaed tu heer u lub me soe muech! *snuegglz *
Estina: * weenkz at u* I em a faebulus Orc fietr, doen't u thaenk?! *flaexzs muesclz * OOOHHH! al, whut wuz dat? That was a bunch of fangurls squealing, baby. Hied me, al! Hied me!
miao-miao: I wuz dere all nite, an I wuz miety huengrie aftur all dat fietin at Helm's Deep. Wurkd uep an aepetite! *Hueg *
Blume: *kees fur u * My Ada iz da moest wundurful adar dat eber libed. He lubz me vary muech! Az fur dat buukbaeg of al'z, it iz vary beeg en da sentr, an I EM an elf. I em 6 feat tael (wael, aelmoest!), buet I em vary flaezable. Sea? *flaexzs * al, derez dat sownd agin! Hied me! Hied me!
Dunrosiel: Siuldad, Dunrosiel! I due noet aelwaez meen tu bea fuennie, sumtiemz it jest wurkz out dat wae. U doen't nead tu wurry, hav u eber sean a faet elf?? *Huegz u *
anna: I gess I em steel *ahem *, whuteber dat ez. I reely thot dose leedle ole laedeez wuld at leest hav loekd da doar or seant sum doegz aftur me. I gess dey weel hav tu wate teel nekz weak an trie agin. *snugglz u *
Lady Peredhel: Dere ez muech moer kompitishun fur elbin maedinz een Meedle- erth. Hav u eber sean an ueglee elf? *sheevrz * Oohhh! My eerz! * Keesez u bak*
aftem: Due u hav a beeg klosit? I hav goettin spoeld bie havin my oewn ruum at al'z howse. Thaenkz fur oeffrin tu protek me. *skweaze fur u *
TreeHugger: I due lub da Krokadial Huentr! I doen't nead noe kroks tho, I hav PP! Rite, PP? Tael Elu I doen't ware jeawlrey, easpacieally doewn dere. I uendrstaend da sakrifiese thaeng noew, buet dat iz a stoeree fur a deefrint dae, u noe? al sez tael u I em saefr hear dan eniwaer oen Modrn- erth, and dat da Valar neu eggsacktlee whur dey wear seandin me, baftuebz and buebblez an all. Whuteber she meanz by dat. Giv won of dese X an O'z tu eberibuddie, okae? XOXOXOXXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXOXOX
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Oew! Oew! al, my feengrz huert!
I imagine so! That was 55 lub ledderz you wrote for just this chapter!! Next time, do you promise not to wait so long before you start typing up these . . .these . . these. . . "vaelintienz of elbin lub"?
I weel staert ritin jest az suun az de reevew gitz hear, I proemiss! We hav bean uep all niet fur 3 daez!
Maybe we should just tell them we don't need them to review. Then you won't have to work so hard.
NOE! NOE! al, hav u goen nuetz? Whut weel I due widout my lub ledderz??? *soebzz! *
PLEEZE DOEN'T LEESTN TU HER!!! SHE'Z GOEN MAED!!!!
Come on. Let's go stock up on some more sugar. You're plumb empty after all that loving and hugging and kissing you've been doing there.
Doen't furgit da snoeggin, an da maesaeg, I gav IRENA a maesaeg tu. . . .