Disclaimer: Tom Riddle doesn't belong to me.
A/N: OK, I've decided that we're going back to Lina's POV, then I'll switch later. I'll tell you when I switch.
A/N: Btw, before I forget...I'd like to thank my faithful readers...Wickedlee, you're pretty much the only one who stayed with me. It meant a lot to me that I always had a review from you.
FEELINGS YOU CAN'T DENY
Chapter Eighteen: The Way It Should Be
I am truly happy for Clarissa and Rodney. They make a wonderful couple. But I had to admit, I was shocked to see them walking in to the library together. After all, in my mind he was a scum bag. But everything's all good now. Well, at least Rodney and Clarissa are. You see, when I think about the conversation I had with Tom the day before, I get this terrible heartache. I know it was over a stupid misunderstanding, but I think two people should trust each other enough not to let a misunderstanding like that happen. So Tom had a good reason for lying, and he wasn't the jerk I thought he was. He still should have told me what was really going on. I wouldn't have told Clarissa if it was a surprise. He should have trusted me. But he didn't.
I put down the book I was studying. I felt like crying. How could I ever trust Tom if he doesn't trust me?
"Lina!"
I glanced up to see Tom coming across the library. Quickly, I packed my books into my bag, but not fast enough. Tom was upon me before I could get away.
"Lina, we have to talk," he said, grabbing my arm.
"Let me go!" I said, pulling away. "I have things to do."
"But, Lina-" Tom began.
"I told you to leave me alone, and I meant it," I said over my shoulder as I sprinted out of the library.
**I don't need another Heartbreak
I don't need another turn to cry, no**
-"This Kiss"
I was reluctant to go to History of Magic the next day. After all, Tom would be there, and he would try to say something to me. I waited so I could be a little late. I didn't want to give Tom the chance to sit next to me. As I made my way to the farthest open seat from him, I could feel Tom's intense stare on the back of my head. I wanted to look at him so badly. I wanted to see those beautiful blue eyes and hear his kind voice telling me it's OK. But it wasn't OK and it would never be OK, again. Clarissa sat by me instead of with Rodney and Tom. It was a nice gesture, but I really just wanted to be alone.
"Tom's trying, you know," Clarissa whispered to me.
"I wish he would stop," I muttered.
"Tom wants to get back together," Clarissa informed me. "Why don't you?"
"I'm fine with the way things are now," I insisted. "Why fix something that's not broken?"
"I can tell you aren't happy," she said.
"Don't pretend to know me so well," I shot at her. "Why don't you go off and be happy with Rodney and leave me alone!"
Clarissa was quiet for the rest of the class. I hated to admit that she was right, though. I was unhappy. Deep inside me, I still loved Tom and wanted to be with him forever. But I couldn't spend my life with someone I didn't trust and who didn't trust me. What kind of life would that be?
Throughout class, Clarissa kept turning around, probably mouthing things to Rodney and Tom. I kept myself from looking. I didn't want to accidently meet eyes with Tom. As I was sure would happen, at the end of class when I made my way to the door, Tom came down and grabbed my arm.
"Lina, I'm sorry," he said quickly so I'd hear him before I could get away. "I can't live without you."
"Tough!" I shouted, jerking away and running out the door.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
You'd think with my mind made up that it would never work and my constant badmouthing Tom, he should be easy to get over. But not days or weeks would allow it. Why did I still love him? Why did my heart still thump whenever I saw him? Why did my lips yearn to be on his? It didn't make sense. I hated him. He was horrible, a jerk. I never wanted to see him again. And yet, I couldn't live without him.
**Ain't it funny how some feelings
You just can't deny
And you can't move on
Even though you try
Isn't it strange that you're feeling
Things you should feel**
-"Ain't It Funny"
"Come with us," Clarissa pleaded.
I shook my head, sitting on my bed dismally.
"You won't feel like a third wheel, I promise," Clarissa told me. "Rodney will dance with you, and I'll dance with you."
I couldn't help but let a little laugh out.
"We can do one of those three person dances," Clarissa offered. "Rodney will be into it. Two gorgeous girls dancing with him?"
"Clar," I began, "I appreciate that you're trying to make me feel better, but I know as well as you do that Tom will be there."
"You don't know that," Clarissa insisted. "After all, you have been avoiding him for quite some time. He could have become a monk, sworn never to dance again."
I shook my head at her. "I know you're just trying to get me back with him. Why can't you understand that it's better this way?"
Clarissa let out a breath and sat next to me. "You're my best friend, Lina. It hurts me seeing you hurt. This whole thing is my fault, and I want to fix it."
"I know you do," I sighed discontentedly. "You look great, by the way."
Clarissa blushed. She wore dark green dress robes which matched her eyes, and her hair was pinned up in a bun.
"Lina, are you sure you won't go?" Clarissa asked.
"Have fun," was all I said.
Clarissa nodded and headed out of the dormitory. I lay my head on my pillow and thought. Tom had been chasing me around for a while. I wondered if I ought to just swallow my pride and foolishness and listen to him. Truly, there was nothing he could say to change my mind. What was I afraid of?
I got up from my bed. Biting my lip, I pulled my deep blue dress robes from my trunk. They were the same shade as Tom's eyes. I missed him so. Quickly, I changed my clothes and used a crimp charm on my hair. With reluctance, I headed down to the Great Hall. I had to keep telling myself to breathe in and breathe out. I entered as sneakily as I could and made my way to the punch bowl. I kept hoping no one would notice I was there, but if I didn't want to see Tom, I wouldn't have gone.
I scanned the crowded dance floor, looking for Clarissa and Rodney. I spotted Rodney's head floating above the crowd. I took half a step when I was shocked and angered to see he was not dancing with Clarissa, but with Helga. I was about to go over there and give him a piece of my mind, when he spotted me and left Helga to come toward me.
"Lina, you came," Rodney said excitedly.
"Yes," I said, trying to keep calm. "Where's my friend?"
"Clar is..uh," he glanced at the dance floor, "with Tom, somewhere."
"So you were dancing with Helga because..." I said, wanting an explanation.
"Oh," Rodney began, "she didn't have anyone to dance with, and Clarissa was taken."
I turned away from him to look for Clarissa.
"You don't trust me, do you?" Rodney asked.
"I don't know why you'd make such an assumption," I muttered.
"Prove you trust me and dance with me," Rodney challenged.
There was no way of getting out of that one. So I agreed and went with him onto the dance floor. As we danced, which he did quite well, I kept an eye out for Clarissa. Suddenly, I saw her and Tom dancing. They were talking casually, then Tom glanced my way. It was too late to flee. He had seen me. Tom said something to Clar, and she looked too. I felt like turning invisible. They were coming over.
"Switch partners," Rodney said to Tom.
"I'd be happy to," Tom said, keeping his eyes on me.
Clarissa jumped into Rodney's arms. Tom quickly grabbed me before I could escape. I surrendered to the dance, but I didn't have to like it. I didn't even look at him.
**It's the Hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eyes and tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry**
-"The Hardest Thing"
"Why'd you come?" Tom whispered.
"To meet guys," I said spitefully.
Tom didn't seem upset by it.
"I love you, you know," Tom told me.
"I'm sorry," I muttered.
"Lina, why won't you listen to me?" Tom asked.
"I am listening," I insisted.
"You hear me, I'm sure," Tom said, "but are you really listening?"
"Yes, I'm listening," I shot at him. "But nothing you can say will change anything."
Tom took a hand away from my waist and placed it on my cheek. He looked into my eyes, forcing me to look into his. Good tactic. I almost melted. Almost! Quickly, I hardened my resolve and forced myself to look upon his as mere dirt.
"You have my attention," I told him, "so what is it you want to say to me?"
"I love you," Tom whispered.
"Yes, you said that," I said, pretending to be annoyed when I was really near tears.
"I'm sorry I was such a jerk about the Helga thing," Tom apologized. "I should have told you the truth. It's just that when I tried to tell you, all you wanted to do was yell at me. I didn't think you would have listened if I hadn't been harsh."
I lowered my eyes. He was right. I was so intent on being mad at him, I would scarcely let him speak. Really, I should have trusted him when he said it was nothing. This thing was my fault, too. I was so confused. I didn't know what to think anymore.
"Lina, I'm sorry," Tom whispered, his voice shaking. "I didn't mean to hurt you, and I didn't mean to hurt Clarissa. I would do anything to make this right again. You're the only person I've ever loved, and I will love you until the end of time, even if you hate me."
I couldn't breathe and my eyes stung with tears. Tom looked at me intensely, his blue eyes glistening. All I wanted to do was hold him close. I wanted to say that I didn't hate him, and I wanted to be with him forever. But I couldn't speak.
"I'll do anything for you," Tom said, his hand brushing the hair away from my face. "So I'll respect that you want me to leave you alone. I just had to tell you everything that was in my heart first. Thank you for giving me such joy and pain."
With that, Tom pulled away from me and started toward the door. I remained in the middle of the dance floor, my heart aching and tears streaming down my face. I couldn't breathe!
**I need you like water,
Like breathe, like rain
I need you like mercy from heaven's gate
There's a freedom in your arms
That carries me through
I need you**
-"I Need You"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ (Tom's Point of View)
Well, that was it. The end of the best thing I've ever known. It was too much to hope that she still loved me. She was everything to me. She IS everything to me. It will be hard to see her every day and know she's not mine, but I will do it. I will go through that pain for her sake. Through all the pain, I will never regret what we had. I would never have known love without her.
I guess it's no secret that boys don't like to cry. I avoid it whenever I can. But this time, I couldn't help it, neither did I want to. I was in pain, and I wasn't ashamed to show it. All I wanted to do was escape the people and the music, return to my common room, and sit a while. If I thought of Lina and shed some tears, so be it.
For just a second as I headed down the dungeon stairs, I heard my name called behind me. It was her voice. When I realized this, I was sure that I had imagined it. My heart and mind were playing tricks on me. It wasn't what I needed at that moment. But then I heard it again, louder and closer.
"Tom! Wait!"
I turned and looked upon her, those soft auburn waves shining almost red in the candle light. She stood above me like an angel in blue dress robes. Her deep chocolate eyes sparkled with tears. I waited on the stairs to hear what she had to say.
"Tom, I," she looked away, trying to stop those beautiful tears from falling. "I love you."
I was shocked for a second. I was sure I had lost her and now she tells me that she loves me. My mind went blank. I didn't know what to say, so I just smiled. Lina smiled back, her breathing shaking. I stepped up to where she stood, my sight locked on her shining brown eyes. Grazing my fingers against her soft cheek, I leaned down and kissed her. We pulled apart only to embrace in a hug.
"Let's never fight again," I suggested, holding her close.
"Like that will happen," she said sarcastically, then laughed.
I laughed too.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~(Clarissa's Point of View)
I worried that they had been gone so long. But it was a good sign that Lina had run after him instead of the other way around. I think I could pretty much picture what was going on out there. Major making-out!
"Everything's all right, you know," Rodney assured me as we danced.
"I know," I told him, smiling.
"You've been dancing all night," Rodney observed. "Aren't you tired?"
"Nope," I giggled, tightening my grip around his waist. By the way, I had to have my hands around his waist because he was too tall for me to reach his shoulders.
Rodney just laughed at me, then said, "Look!"
I glanced at the door and saw Tom and Lina walk in with their arms around each other. They were smiling. I felt this warm and fuzzy feeling inside me. Everything was how it should be. Tom and Lina held each other and began to dance. She looked my way and smiled as if to say thank you. I smiled back as if to say you're welcome. She looked at Tom and they kissed. It was so cute.
"Doesn't that make you feel good?" I asked Rodney, looking up at him.
"Yup," he said, smiling wryly.
"Everything's just the way it should be, isn't it?" I sighed romantically as I continued to watch Lina and Tom.
"Not quite," Rodney said.
I looked at him in confusion. What else could there be? Then I saw that look in his eyes, and I knew. Rodney leaned toward me very slowly. I closed my eyes and stood on my toes to meet his lips. He was right. Now, it was the way it should be.
The End
A/N: Wow! Finally finished. And it only took, what, seventeen months. But it's over. I'll miss aspects of it, but I've been writing on this so long that I am sick of it and glad it's over. Anyway, I hope you liked it, though.
A/N: OK, I've decided that we're going back to Lina's POV, then I'll switch later. I'll tell you when I switch.
A/N: Btw, before I forget...I'd like to thank my faithful readers...Wickedlee, you're pretty much the only one who stayed with me. It meant a lot to me that I always had a review from you.
FEELINGS YOU CAN'T DENY
Chapter Eighteen: The Way It Should Be
I am truly happy for Clarissa and Rodney. They make a wonderful couple. But I had to admit, I was shocked to see them walking in to the library together. After all, in my mind he was a scum bag. But everything's all good now. Well, at least Rodney and Clarissa are. You see, when I think about the conversation I had with Tom the day before, I get this terrible heartache. I know it was over a stupid misunderstanding, but I think two people should trust each other enough not to let a misunderstanding like that happen. So Tom had a good reason for lying, and he wasn't the jerk I thought he was. He still should have told me what was really going on. I wouldn't have told Clarissa if it was a surprise. He should have trusted me. But he didn't.
I put down the book I was studying. I felt like crying. How could I ever trust Tom if he doesn't trust me?
"Lina!"
I glanced up to see Tom coming across the library. Quickly, I packed my books into my bag, but not fast enough. Tom was upon me before I could get away.
"Lina, we have to talk," he said, grabbing my arm.
"Let me go!" I said, pulling away. "I have things to do."
"But, Lina-" Tom began.
"I told you to leave me alone, and I meant it," I said over my shoulder as I sprinted out of the library.
**I don't need another Heartbreak
I don't need another turn to cry, no**
-"This Kiss"
I was reluctant to go to History of Magic the next day. After all, Tom would be there, and he would try to say something to me. I waited so I could be a little late. I didn't want to give Tom the chance to sit next to me. As I made my way to the farthest open seat from him, I could feel Tom's intense stare on the back of my head. I wanted to look at him so badly. I wanted to see those beautiful blue eyes and hear his kind voice telling me it's OK. But it wasn't OK and it would never be OK, again. Clarissa sat by me instead of with Rodney and Tom. It was a nice gesture, but I really just wanted to be alone.
"Tom's trying, you know," Clarissa whispered to me.
"I wish he would stop," I muttered.
"Tom wants to get back together," Clarissa informed me. "Why don't you?"
"I'm fine with the way things are now," I insisted. "Why fix something that's not broken?"
"I can tell you aren't happy," she said.
"Don't pretend to know me so well," I shot at her. "Why don't you go off and be happy with Rodney and leave me alone!"
Clarissa was quiet for the rest of the class. I hated to admit that she was right, though. I was unhappy. Deep inside me, I still loved Tom and wanted to be with him forever. But I couldn't spend my life with someone I didn't trust and who didn't trust me. What kind of life would that be?
Throughout class, Clarissa kept turning around, probably mouthing things to Rodney and Tom. I kept myself from looking. I didn't want to accidently meet eyes with Tom. As I was sure would happen, at the end of class when I made my way to the door, Tom came down and grabbed my arm.
"Lina, I'm sorry," he said quickly so I'd hear him before I could get away. "I can't live without you."
"Tough!" I shouted, jerking away and running out the door.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
You'd think with my mind made up that it would never work and my constant badmouthing Tom, he should be easy to get over. But not days or weeks would allow it. Why did I still love him? Why did my heart still thump whenever I saw him? Why did my lips yearn to be on his? It didn't make sense. I hated him. He was horrible, a jerk. I never wanted to see him again. And yet, I couldn't live without him.
**Ain't it funny how some feelings
You just can't deny
And you can't move on
Even though you try
Isn't it strange that you're feeling
Things you should feel**
-"Ain't It Funny"
"Come with us," Clarissa pleaded.
I shook my head, sitting on my bed dismally.
"You won't feel like a third wheel, I promise," Clarissa told me. "Rodney will dance with you, and I'll dance with you."
I couldn't help but let a little laugh out.
"We can do one of those three person dances," Clarissa offered. "Rodney will be into it. Two gorgeous girls dancing with him?"
"Clar," I began, "I appreciate that you're trying to make me feel better, but I know as well as you do that Tom will be there."
"You don't know that," Clarissa insisted. "After all, you have been avoiding him for quite some time. He could have become a monk, sworn never to dance again."
I shook my head at her. "I know you're just trying to get me back with him. Why can't you understand that it's better this way?"
Clarissa let out a breath and sat next to me. "You're my best friend, Lina. It hurts me seeing you hurt. This whole thing is my fault, and I want to fix it."
"I know you do," I sighed discontentedly. "You look great, by the way."
Clarissa blushed. She wore dark green dress robes which matched her eyes, and her hair was pinned up in a bun.
"Lina, are you sure you won't go?" Clarissa asked.
"Have fun," was all I said.
Clarissa nodded and headed out of the dormitory. I lay my head on my pillow and thought. Tom had been chasing me around for a while. I wondered if I ought to just swallow my pride and foolishness and listen to him. Truly, there was nothing he could say to change my mind. What was I afraid of?
I got up from my bed. Biting my lip, I pulled my deep blue dress robes from my trunk. They were the same shade as Tom's eyes. I missed him so. Quickly, I changed my clothes and used a crimp charm on my hair. With reluctance, I headed down to the Great Hall. I had to keep telling myself to breathe in and breathe out. I entered as sneakily as I could and made my way to the punch bowl. I kept hoping no one would notice I was there, but if I didn't want to see Tom, I wouldn't have gone.
I scanned the crowded dance floor, looking for Clarissa and Rodney. I spotted Rodney's head floating above the crowd. I took half a step when I was shocked and angered to see he was not dancing with Clarissa, but with Helga. I was about to go over there and give him a piece of my mind, when he spotted me and left Helga to come toward me.
"Lina, you came," Rodney said excitedly.
"Yes," I said, trying to keep calm. "Where's my friend?"
"Clar is..uh," he glanced at the dance floor, "with Tom, somewhere."
"So you were dancing with Helga because..." I said, wanting an explanation.
"Oh," Rodney began, "she didn't have anyone to dance with, and Clarissa was taken."
I turned away from him to look for Clarissa.
"You don't trust me, do you?" Rodney asked.
"I don't know why you'd make such an assumption," I muttered.
"Prove you trust me and dance with me," Rodney challenged.
There was no way of getting out of that one. So I agreed and went with him onto the dance floor. As we danced, which he did quite well, I kept an eye out for Clarissa. Suddenly, I saw her and Tom dancing. They were talking casually, then Tom glanced my way. It was too late to flee. He had seen me. Tom said something to Clar, and she looked too. I felt like turning invisible. They were coming over.
"Switch partners," Rodney said to Tom.
"I'd be happy to," Tom said, keeping his eyes on me.
Clarissa jumped into Rodney's arms. Tom quickly grabbed me before I could escape. I surrendered to the dance, but I didn't have to like it. I didn't even look at him.
**It's the Hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eyes and tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry**
-"The Hardest Thing"
"Why'd you come?" Tom whispered.
"To meet guys," I said spitefully.
Tom didn't seem upset by it.
"I love you, you know," Tom told me.
"I'm sorry," I muttered.
"Lina, why won't you listen to me?" Tom asked.
"I am listening," I insisted.
"You hear me, I'm sure," Tom said, "but are you really listening?"
"Yes, I'm listening," I shot at him. "But nothing you can say will change anything."
Tom took a hand away from my waist and placed it on my cheek. He looked into my eyes, forcing me to look into his. Good tactic. I almost melted. Almost! Quickly, I hardened my resolve and forced myself to look upon his as mere dirt.
"You have my attention," I told him, "so what is it you want to say to me?"
"I love you," Tom whispered.
"Yes, you said that," I said, pretending to be annoyed when I was really near tears.
"I'm sorry I was such a jerk about the Helga thing," Tom apologized. "I should have told you the truth. It's just that when I tried to tell you, all you wanted to do was yell at me. I didn't think you would have listened if I hadn't been harsh."
I lowered my eyes. He was right. I was so intent on being mad at him, I would scarcely let him speak. Really, I should have trusted him when he said it was nothing. This thing was my fault, too. I was so confused. I didn't know what to think anymore.
"Lina, I'm sorry," Tom whispered, his voice shaking. "I didn't mean to hurt you, and I didn't mean to hurt Clarissa. I would do anything to make this right again. You're the only person I've ever loved, and I will love you until the end of time, even if you hate me."
I couldn't breathe and my eyes stung with tears. Tom looked at me intensely, his blue eyes glistening. All I wanted to do was hold him close. I wanted to say that I didn't hate him, and I wanted to be with him forever. But I couldn't speak.
"I'll do anything for you," Tom said, his hand brushing the hair away from my face. "So I'll respect that you want me to leave you alone. I just had to tell you everything that was in my heart first. Thank you for giving me such joy and pain."
With that, Tom pulled away from me and started toward the door. I remained in the middle of the dance floor, my heart aching and tears streaming down my face. I couldn't breathe!
**I need you like water,
Like breathe, like rain
I need you like mercy from heaven's gate
There's a freedom in your arms
That carries me through
I need you**
-"I Need You"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ (Tom's Point of View)
Well, that was it. The end of the best thing I've ever known. It was too much to hope that she still loved me. She was everything to me. She IS everything to me. It will be hard to see her every day and know she's not mine, but I will do it. I will go through that pain for her sake. Through all the pain, I will never regret what we had. I would never have known love without her.
I guess it's no secret that boys don't like to cry. I avoid it whenever I can. But this time, I couldn't help it, neither did I want to. I was in pain, and I wasn't ashamed to show it. All I wanted to do was escape the people and the music, return to my common room, and sit a while. If I thought of Lina and shed some tears, so be it.
For just a second as I headed down the dungeon stairs, I heard my name called behind me. It was her voice. When I realized this, I was sure that I had imagined it. My heart and mind were playing tricks on me. It wasn't what I needed at that moment. But then I heard it again, louder and closer.
"Tom! Wait!"
I turned and looked upon her, those soft auburn waves shining almost red in the candle light. She stood above me like an angel in blue dress robes. Her deep chocolate eyes sparkled with tears. I waited on the stairs to hear what she had to say.
"Tom, I," she looked away, trying to stop those beautiful tears from falling. "I love you."
I was shocked for a second. I was sure I had lost her and now she tells me that she loves me. My mind went blank. I didn't know what to say, so I just smiled. Lina smiled back, her breathing shaking. I stepped up to where she stood, my sight locked on her shining brown eyes. Grazing my fingers against her soft cheek, I leaned down and kissed her. We pulled apart only to embrace in a hug.
"Let's never fight again," I suggested, holding her close.
"Like that will happen," she said sarcastically, then laughed.
I laughed too.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~(Clarissa's Point of View)
I worried that they had been gone so long. But it was a good sign that Lina had run after him instead of the other way around. I think I could pretty much picture what was going on out there. Major making-out!
"Everything's all right, you know," Rodney assured me as we danced.
"I know," I told him, smiling.
"You've been dancing all night," Rodney observed. "Aren't you tired?"
"Nope," I giggled, tightening my grip around his waist. By the way, I had to have my hands around his waist because he was too tall for me to reach his shoulders.
Rodney just laughed at me, then said, "Look!"
I glanced at the door and saw Tom and Lina walk in with their arms around each other. They were smiling. I felt this warm and fuzzy feeling inside me. Everything was how it should be. Tom and Lina held each other and began to dance. She looked my way and smiled as if to say thank you. I smiled back as if to say you're welcome. She looked at Tom and they kissed. It was so cute.
"Doesn't that make you feel good?" I asked Rodney, looking up at him.
"Yup," he said, smiling wryly.
"Everything's just the way it should be, isn't it?" I sighed romantically as I continued to watch Lina and Tom.
"Not quite," Rodney said.
I looked at him in confusion. What else could there be? Then I saw that look in his eyes, and I knew. Rodney leaned toward me very slowly. I closed my eyes and stood on my toes to meet his lips. He was right. Now, it was the way it should be.
The End
A/N: Wow! Finally finished. And it only took, what, seventeen months. But it's over. I'll miss aspects of it, but I've been writing on this so long that I am sick of it and glad it's over. Anyway, I hope you liked it, though.