Author's notes: New picture on the bio page! An 'invitation', so to speak,
for you all. See the balloon for details. Sorry for the delay in finishing
this time. The explanation does exist, but that would spoil the next
chapter for you! Thanks for your patience, and now. . . on with the show!
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Chapter 6 A Circus Life For Me
While the soap bubble mess is being cleaned up, the stagehands are at it again, moving to set up a head-high inflatable mat on the far right-hand side of the arena. They also erect a huge net there from floor to ceiling. On the left-hand side, more stagehands are moving in the dark to pull a huge cannon into place. Emblazoned on the side of the cannon are the words, "The Fiery Cannonball".
There's no way he can get cleaned up from soaking in all that soap and get back out here in time to be the star of this act, I think to myself. I glance at my watch. Nah, no way.
The narrator begins to tell the crowd that never before in the history of circuses around the world has there ever been anyone as daring as "The Fiery Cannonball." He tells us of the dangers of the stunt, about how children should be sure not to try anything like this at home, then points out the myriad of safety personnel now standing about all over the arena, each dressed in a nonflammable suit and carrying the biggest fire extinguisher I have ever seen.
I glance at my watch. Only two minutes have passed. Nope, not enough time to make it.
The orchestra begins to increase the volume and the speed of the ominous music they are playing. The firefighters in their silver suits now pull hoods over their heads as they continue to dance about showing off their shiny silver canisters. I am reminded of the Imperial storm troopers from Star Wars, though these suits are much more bulky than those were.
Feeling a bit nervous, I take another peek at my watch. Almost five minutes have passed from the time the clowns ran out of the spotlight until now. Still not enough time to wash away all that soap and get dried off and change clothes and. . . . Nope, just no way.
Is there?
The narrator forges ahead, hyping up the crowd; the orchestra builds up the volume of the perilous sounding music they are playing. A clown dressed as a firefighter and carrying a very large glittering sparkler comes running out from backstage, heading around the arena in a circle before darting to the rear of the cannon and touching the fuse to the flame. As we reach this peak of frenzy, my mother's instincts are too much for me.
"NOOOOOOOoooooo!! LEGOLAS!!!!!" I scream, jumping out of my seat as a humongous resonating BOOM and a flash of light erupts from the cannon, followed by an enormous belch of thick white smoke. Through the cloud comes a flaming projectile, human-shaped and blazing with fire. It soars across the arena, leaving a trail of sparks in its wake, and lands in the inflated black mat on the far right-hand side. The Imperial Storm Trooper Fire Brigade rushes to the mat, spraying powdery fire retardant everywhere.
The body in the black suit is no longer ablaze. As I stand, stricken with fear, mouth agape and clinging so hard to poor Yes Dear's arm that he will have bruises tomorrow, the figure rises from the mat, climbing down from the 6 foot high bed which has saved him, and moves to the center ring where he takes off the fireproof mask he wears.
It's not Legolas.
As I collapse into my seat, Yes Dear removes my fingers from where they are embedded in his flesh and points to the ceiling on the left, saying, "You aren't going to like what's fixing to happen right over there."
I don't even dare to look. My heart is still pounding in my chest from the last act. I close my eyes and try to distract myself, force myself to concentrate on singing "The Song That Never Ends" or something, ANYTHING inside my head to keep me from looking where he is still pointing. It is Little Pip who breaks me from my reverie with a question that the mind of any ten-year-old aspiring princess needs to know.
"Momma, when a guy like Legolas wears things on his legs that fit THAT close, are they called tights or pantyhose?"
Will not look, will NOT look, will NOT LOOK, WILL NOT LOOK!!!
I look.
Legolas is perched on the edge of a tiny platform a good thirty feet up in the air. There is a matching platform on the other side of the center ring, and a tightrope is all that connects the two together. A very thin tightrope, in my honest opinion.
On the other platform there is another performer who is holding a long pole extended horizontal to the ground. He begins to walk forward onto the tightrope, and does some fancy footwork while Legolas stays on his two-by- two-foot piece of airy property and watches him.
Oh, you wanted to know what he was wearing, didn't you??
His absolute favorite color. Green. It's the green of the newly unfurled leaves of spring, with dark green, white, and silver sequins sewn in patterns resembling the leaves of the trees themselves twining around his long well-muscled trunk and legs. His strong elven arms are bare, his glowing shoulders exposed in the tight tank-style shirt he wears. His flowing blond locks are clean and dry, not a sign that just a few minutes ago he was soaked in soap to the bone and covered with white face paint.
I watch him, mesmerized, as he takes his first baby step out onto the rope. No, Legolas! my mind tries in vain to telecommunicate to him. You forgot your pole! You don't have a pole! Go back! Go back!
Of course, when has he ever listened to me?
He tiptoes gracefully out to the guy with the pole, carrying a long, thick white rope in his right hand. When he gets to the center where they meet, Legolas reaches out, nimbly takes the pole from the other guy, and hands him the rope. As Legolas backs up to his own platform again, I breathe a sigh of relief.
The man on the tightrope begins to jump. One, two, three, jumps in place. While the audience watches with rapt attention, he jumps forward along the tightrope to join Legolas on his platform. Legolas turns to him and bows, then the two raise their arms into the air. The audience applauds.
Now the man reaches underneath the dais they stand on and pulls up a bicycle that has been hanging there by a hook from the bottom. It has metal rims without rubber tires, so that it will fit onto the wire. He carefully places the rims onto the wire, then motions to Legolas with his free hand, inviting him to climb on and go for a ride.
My heart all but stops. Legolas has never even tried to ride Little Pip's bicycle at home. Not even once. And I'll be a monkey's uncle if they have any bicycles that he's tried in Middle-earth.
I am very pleased to see the fine elven locks shake side to side in refusal. Legolas instead picks up the pole.
No, NO! I think. Don't follow him out there with the pole! It's too bouncy, you'll fall!
But Legolas is not about to be deterred. As his partner climbs aboard the bicycle, Legolas steps onto the wire with him. However, he soon hands the pole to the man on the bicycle and steps back on the platform. Good elfboy! I think to myself.
The man rides to the middle, balances precariously, rides backward a bit, then forward a bit, then backward again, then finally moves forward to his own platform, while Legolas leads the crowd in applauding madly.
After the man leans the pole against the railing surrounding the platform, he puts the bicycle away on a second hidden hook. Moving to the edge, he makes a motion like he is jumping rope again. He looks at Legolas and points to the rope that is hanging over the edge of the railing beside him. Legolas picks up the rope and reaches out with it over the precipice between them, offering it. The man shakes his head side to side, saying that is not what he wants. Instead, he motions with his arm for Legolas to come across the tightrope to him.
Just say no! I transmit to him in thought. You can just say No!
Legolas surveys the tightrope, cocking his head from side to side. He peers over the edge of the platform at the ground below. He makes eye contact again with his partner, who beckons to him to come over and play. Shrugging his shoulders, he takes a tentative step out on the rope. The orchestra begins playing a drumroll.
"NO, LEGOLAS!" I shriek, leaping out of my chair thirty feet below him.
That's all it takes. With a wicked grin, he looks straight down at me, then nimbly leaps onto the tightrope and dances out to the center. He jumps the rope a few times, does some fancy one-footed things, then waltzes over and hands the rope to his partner on the platform.
The other man takes the rope and jumps his way to the center of the tightrope. Legolas joins him, and they jump together. Legolas backs out, and then takes a flying leap through the rope as it swings through the air above the man's head, catching himself with his hands as he falls back with gravity to the tightrope and doing a nice little half-round gymnastics move to come back to standing. The audience is going wild, on their feet cheering and clapping. Encouraged by the crowd's enthusiasm, Legolas completes the maneuver again-BACKWARDS.
They both move to the far platform, waving and smiling gleefully to the spectators below them.
Well, what did you expect? He's an elf!
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Soon the show is ending, the grand finale parade has come and gone. The crowd is growing thinner, heading home to their ordinary lives. We wait as instructed at our seats ringside, and soon Legolas shows up, wearing the same blue jeans but now sporting a bright purple T-shirt with a cartoon caricature of the beautiful white mare from the equestrian act.
"Due u like it?" he asks, turning around and posing like a runway model. It's awfully small on him, and he keeps reaching to the hem to pull it down over his exposed bellybutton. I reach up to the tag in the back, peeking at the size. Yep, that explains it. Child's Large.
"I love it, nin mel," I say, laughing. "Isn't it a little on the small side though?"
"Dis iz da beegist siez dey haed," he proclaims, blushing. "Coem oen. It'z tiem fur da cloewn partee!"
We follow him backstage, where a rather subdued clown party is taking place. Most of the performers have removed their costumes and makeup already. The elephants are standing in huge baby pools, holding water hoses and spraying themselves. Occasionally one of the trainers encourages one of them to spray the folks standing around watching.
The horses are also getting their rubdowns and the handlers are beginning to fork out the hay for the evening meal. Legolas goes to the beautiful white mare he courted in the ring, stroking her neck and greeting her as an old friend.
"Dis iz Laedee Nimrodel," he says, introducing us. "Her maestr iz vary foend of dose buukz dat ar rittin abot me. He naemd her foer da soeng I seeng az we reech Lothlorien." He pauses, smiling at her as he rubs her neck. "I hav groen kwite foend of her endeed."
She snuffles against his chest, then turns to finish her oats in the bucket hanging on the wall of her portable stall. Giving her a pat, he escorts us out to meet the rest of the performers.
After visiting and eating refreshments, meeting many of the stars and stagehands, being the hapless victims of a few water squirting flowers and one fake pie to the face that Legolas dodges, we say our good-byes and leave the circus family to rest and recuperate for the next show.
"Legolas," I inquire as we walk the long way back to the car, "you never did tell me how you got invited to be in the circus."
"Oeh. . . ," he sighs. "It'z reely kwite seemple. Eavry shoew dey pik da pearson siettin en da chaer dat I wuz siettin en tu be en da shoew. If da pearson sez yaes, den whin u goe bakstaege dey fiend ouet whut u kin due and giev u a seerkus joeb."
Well, that sure sums it up. Simple as can be.
"Jest theenk, al," he says, sighing and settling back in the backseat with his eyes closed. "U mite hav bean en da seerkus if u haed sweetchd seetz wid me."
Oh yeah, baby, (c al) I think to myself. And I know just the perfect job for me.
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Big hugs to PuterPatty and to Grammar Laedee for checking the spelling and commas for us again. Grammar Laedee actually found an apostrophe and a stray 'e' in there after PP's fine toothed comb went through. PP's resume now also includes approver of costumes. The green tightrope attire is dedicated solely to her. Without PP, there would be no question if they were tights or pantyhose. None at all.
Lub Ledderz Frum Legolas
Nilmandra: Ar u kaellin me Maerty Stew? Yaes, da #7 tikit meenz I weel bea comin tu sea u sumtiem. . .dat ez, if dere iz enithaeng leaft of me whin #1 an #2 git dun. Hearz a leedle sumpthan raetid PG-13 fur u * rapz aermz arond u an keesiz u sweatlee*
PuterPatty: Heah, Laedee Nimrodel iz a LOET like u, PP! Elves due maek guud kloewnz, wid all owr misscheeveeousniss. Tho I kinnot sea Ada or Haldir en fase paynt. Da twinz an Elrond wuld due it tho. . . .Hoew bot dis? *sloe daenses wid u an eandz wid a seaxee deap kees *
Lady Silence: * hugz u bak* Thaenkz fur seandin Sigmund. He shoewd me hoew tu wurk da Flik an Lik Poepz. He ez oen hiz wae bak hoem noew.
ScarsOnAScribbler'sHeart: al wuz glaed dat dere wuz noe soep en dat bukit tuu! Deed u git da reasapee fur dat kaek? It wuz deelishus! *smuuch *
miao-miao: Nawty? Naeh, I kin bea a loet nawtier dan dat! * weenkz*
Fadesintothewest: Deed dis chaeptr aenser all ur kwestshunz? al sez dat Jocelyn's storee iz vary guud. She iz glaed u red it * snuegglz*
Dragon-of-the-north: I em glaed u liked dis enuf tu reed it twiece. Proemis u'll reed it threa tiemz? Proemis? * seandz elbin lub tu u*
TreeHugger: I haed tu chaeng my klothz sumtiem, soe I deed noet git tu due eberythaeng, tho I tried. I theenk u hav al kunfuzed wid Boromir wid da soep buebblz *humz "Spleesh-Splaesh" * Celeb Baud? Whoe sed enithaeng abot Celeb Baud? *huegz an keesiz tu u! *
Lina Skye: * weenkz* Hoew abot anuthr rownd, baybee? *tuerns my bak an shoewz oeff traepz an shoeldrz * Iz dat guud?
OverCast Day: al sez tu tael u I em a haendful. . .Hae! I liked whin u sed I wuz adoerabel. * blueshz an bloez u a kees*
Michelle: Bea karfurl dere! * tiepz u bak uep* U okae? *huegz u *
VladmirsAngel: Haehaehae! U suerpriezd me wid dat hueg an kees. Deed u sea da luuk oen my fase? Thaenkz fur reetuernin my koemb. An da choklit raesenz wur deelishus!! *skweezez u *
Newmoon: I theenk I weel bea a liting gaeffr dis suemmr. Da dierektur an da liting deesignr nead sumwon tu cliemb da laeddr whoe noewz whut dey ar duein. * huegz!*
Magical Rachel: * weenkz* * cofffaengurlcoff* Melethrin iz a tearm of aefekshun. . .like kaellin sumwon "my lub" * skweeze*
Anon: Wekkom tu da faengurl klueb! Da paepur kunfeddie coemz oet if u shaek ur haed or uze da koemb dat al haz en her pokit. Kloewnz hav beeg haredryrz fur da soep buebblz an wader. * snuegglz*
anna: Da Thranduil eyebroew luukz like dis * duz da eyebroew thaeng* Sea? -She can't see that, Legolas, it's just words on the compy screen, you'll have to tell her-oeh. . . U noe dat luuk dat ur Mom givz whin she doen't beeleeve a wurd u ar saeyn? Whin won eyebroew raeziz uep buet da uthr won doesn't? Dat'z it. *weenkz *
amber725akaStimpy: U ar gittin tu hav moer naemz dan Araporn, u noe. *weenkz *
leail: LEAIL! LEAIL! I lub hoew dat sowndz. LEAIL!!! Hoeld oen tu dat tikit, baybee, cuz I proemis tu saev a leedle biet of me fur u. . .buet doen't tael PP an Irena, okae?? * ruenz my feengrz thru ur hare az I kees u *
Angaloth: al sez I noew git 95% of da e-male she haz en her boex. Hoew abot a *snuegl* dis tiem?
Holly: Dat thoeng thaeng theeng iz uendrwaer?? Bie da Valar! Hoew en da wurld due u puet dat . . .(al whispers in now bright red elven ear) Sweat Elbereth!!
dawtheminstrel: I em glaed u joend us! Hav u haed a chaense tu goe sea da stoeree frum da beaginin yaet? It'z noet reely soe skaerrie den. *huegz u *
Dunrosiel: I doen't rimimbur haevin a kaek fite. Soep fite wuz guud tho. *snuegglz*
Lady Peredhel: Oeh, soerrie! * ketchez kees* I em keaping dis kees furever, rite hear *puetz kees oen cheak * *bloez won bak *
Grammar Laedee: Deed u sea my neuw haet?? al iz waerin da paentz dat maech. Dey ar grean an wite an blak wid cloevrz all ober dem. I goet tu ware dem fur a leedle wile, den she stoel dem bak. * beeg hueg fur u*
JastaElf: *watez * *watez * *watez sum moer * *THUD! * * oepenz won eye, seaz Celeb Baud daenglin frum Ada's feengurz * * pertindz tu bea dead.* *Yaep, DEAD. *
Katani Petitedra: Ooooeeh! I lub poestit noetz! Dey coem en all sieziz an kulurz an dey ar steekie! Deed I sae I lub poestit noetz?? * huegz u*
Sperry Dee: Oeh, cuet leedle Nazbuenniez! Whin ar dey coemin? Iz Spreeng brake ovr yaet? * keesiz*
Blume: I theenk we ar gunna hafta git a beegr howse. al iz tuff, she doen't ware worrier braydz eberydae fur nuthin. * bloewz a kees tu u*
Laura: I lub hoersiz. I haed a reely guud tiem. * snuegglz u*
Estina: Deed dis chaeptr aenser ur kwestshunz? I hoep soe! All it kost Yeas Deer wuz da tikitz an da fuud. He goet oeff cheep dis tiem. * cueddlz u*
Anja: al wuz noet dere, an I haed tu goe git redy rite awae. I theenk she enjoeyd it at da eand. *skweese! *
Digital Jessie: Tael ur maer dis *wheesprz * Dat shuld hep. * weenkz*
Legolana Greenleaf: *Caen *grateulashunz oen ur graend caen oepining! * muenchez hoerse-shaepd peenuet budder kup an seandz sum elbin lub tu u *
Mickie: U muest hav bean dere tu! Deed u sea me at da seerkus? Hear, dis ez whut al keapz en her pokitbuuk * haendz ovr a boex of NASCAR baendaedz*
Goddess-Isis-112: Thaenkz fur da Keesiz. I lub dese thaengz. Draessin uep iz fuen, buet shoewin oeff iz eben bedder. * greanz an huegz u*
aftem: Whin iz ur birfdae? Ar u havin a sleapober? Leedle Peep haz dose sumtiemz. Loetz of fuen! * smuuch*
laure: Ar u maed at Glorfindel an Assfelloff? Dese ar Poesun kuukeez! Tael ur Mom dat her kuukeez wear wundurful. * muenchz an bloez u a kruemby kees*
Lily Frost: Iz dat u whoe keapz kaellin me? al sed I kinnot aksept eni moer frea treepz tu Deezneywurld oer bie eni moer siedeeng oer reaplaesmint weendowz. She sez I EM da sakureity fur da howse, and we doen't nead tu bie dat ethr az loeng az I hav my boe an aroz. *weenkz *
IRENA: HAE, BAYBEE!! Iz dat thaeng ur waerin a haerniss? It luukz like dat thoeng thaeng theeng dat Holly tryd tu giv me. I thot Majur Thom wuz wurkin oen ur traenin, buet I'd bea glaed tu giv heem sum 'teepz.' Elben lub style, baybee. *snoeggz u a guud won *
Stephiroth: MY ADAR?? A KLOEWN?? * hie fievz u* Uehm.Noe. An yaeh, dat saeyn "If u kin't sae enithaeng nise, doen't sae enithaeng at all" kin git u en a LOET of trubel, soe bea karful whoe u sae it tu. * hiedz frum JastaElf an Ada*
Hiro-tyre: I hav sean da Cirque De Soliel komershulz oen TV. Dey ar guud! * seandz u a snueggl*
Campy-Oh: Mebbe I culd git a joeb az a kloewn. . . . Naeh, Ada wuld keel me. Plues I doen't like it whin da baelluunz poep. *hueg fur u *
Chelsey: Noe, I deed noet git tu keap da koestumz. I deed git tu keap da puerpel shurt an da haet wid "Da Gratest Shoew Oen Erth" oen it. * Sweat keesez fur u*
Arilyn: We haed a grate tiem! Eberydae iz a fuen dae at al'z howse. Weel, almoest eberydae. *huegz u *
JavaGlxy: Hannon le, JavaGlxy! I lub u tu! * skweeze*
Becky Greenleaf: Sea, al? Eberybuddie lubz me! Noew dat u hav moer ruum en ur kloesit, u kin bie suem neuw klothz! * kees*
Andy'sPrincess: It muest hav bean da Elvis maedisin. Dese lub ledderz taek awile tu tipe, siense I kin oenlee due won ledder at da tiem, buet I em gittin bedder at it. * keesiz u*
Fallohide Pride: It'z okae. I chek tu maek shur bie da daet dey ar rittin. I aelso chek da e-male, cuz sumtiemz peepl kin't git da buddon at ff.net tu wurk rite. I lub u tu! *snuegglz * I em soe glaed u caem tu joyn us! Hannon le fur da choklit baskit of guudeez. * ruebz tuemmie*
Frodo girl: Frodo iz goenna bea eben hoettr whin he gitz tu Mownt Duum. I lub u tu! *kueddl *
Lou: It'z guud tu sea u agin! Soerrie fur da deelae, dat stoerrie of owr lievz iz steel goen oen, and we weel tael it suun, okae?? * elbin lub fur u *
Astrid Tinuvial: Hannon le fur da keez. Da gurlz whoe snoeg wid me I alreedy noe. I hava loet of faengurlz u sea. *waevz tu u * Wekkom tu da klueb!
The Two Princesses: I goet ur e-male! Sea?? al'z fase luukd jest like dis * skweenciz eyez kloezd an duekz* I em glaed u liked ur praesentz. Ur goenna seand me a praesnt tuu?? Oeh yaeh, baybee! (c Legolas) I lub praenentz! XXXOOOXXXOOOXXXOOOXXXOOO
MNT: Coem oen, nin mellon! Puesh da bueddon dere, an tael me u ar hear. I noe u ar luerkin ouet dere, I kin here u wid my elbin eerz! * U kin hav ur keez whin u puesh da bueddon, coem oen! *
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All done, nin mel?
I thaenk soe. I em alwaez afraed I meesed sumbuddie.
I know the feeling, baby.
See you next time, and thanks for all your notes to us both!
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Chapter 6 A Circus Life For Me
While the soap bubble mess is being cleaned up, the stagehands are at it again, moving to set up a head-high inflatable mat on the far right-hand side of the arena. They also erect a huge net there from floor to ceiling. On the left-hand side, more stagehands are moving in the dark to pull a huge cannon into place. Emblazoned on the side of the cannon are the words, "The Fiery Cannonball".
There's no way he can get cleaned up from soaking in all that soap and get back out here in time to be the star of this act, I think to myself. I glance at my watch. Nah, no way.
The narrator begins to tell the crowd that never before in the history of circuses around the world has there ever been anyone as daring as "The Fiery Cannonball." He tells us of the dangers of the stunt, about how children should be sure not to try anything like this at home, then points out the myriad of safety personnel now standing about all over the arena, each dressed in a nonflammable suit and carrying the biggest fire extinguisher I have ever seen.
I glance at my watch. Only two minutes have passed. Nope, not enough time to make it.
The orchestra begins to increase the volume and the speed of the ominous music they are playing. The firefighters in their silver suits now pull hoods over their heads as they continue to dance about showing off their shiny silver canisters. I am reminded of the Imperial storm troopers from Star Wars, though these suits are much more bulky than those were.
Feeling a bit nervous, I take another peek at my watch. Almost five minutes have passed from the time the clowns ran out of the spotlight until now. Still not enough time to wash away all that soap and get dried off and change clothes and. . . . Nope, just no way.
Is there?
The narrator forges ahead, hyping up the crowd; the orchestra builds up the volume of the perilous sounding music they are playing. A clown dressed as a firefighter and carrying a very large glittering sparkler comes running out from backstage, heading around the arena in a circle before darting to the rear of the cannon and touching the fuse to the flame. As we reach this peak of frenzy, my mother's instincts are too much for me.
"NOOOOOOOoooooo!! LEGOLAS!!!!!" I scream, jumping out of my seat as a humongous resonating BOOM and a flash of light erupts from the cannon, followed by an enormous belch of thick white smoke. Through the cloud comes a flaming projectile, human-shaped and blazing with fire. It soars across the arena, leaving a trail of sparks in its wake, and lands in the inflated black mat on the far right-hand side. The Imperial Storm Trooper Fire Brigade rushes to the mat, spraying powdery fire retardant everywhere.
The body in the black suit is no longer ablaze. As I stand, stricken with fear, mouth agape and clinging so hard to poor Yes Dear's arm that he will have bruises tomorrow, the figure rises from the mat, climbing down from the 6 foot high bed which has saved him, and moves to the center ring where he takes off the fireproof mask he wears.
It's not Legolas.
As I collapse into my seat, Yes Dear removes my fingers from where they are embedded in his flesh and points to the ceiling on the left, saying, "You aren't going to like what's fixing to happen right over there."
I don't even dare to look. My heart is still pounding in my chest from the last act. I close my eyes and try to distract myself, force myself to concentrate on singing "The Song That Never Ends" or something, ANYTHING inside my head to keep me from looking where he is still pointing. It is Little Pip who breaks me from my reverie with a question that the mind of any ten-year-old aspiring princess needs to know.
"Momma, when a guy like Legolas wears things on his legs that fit THAT close, are they called tights or pantyhose?"
Will not look, will NOT look, will NOT LOOK, WILL NOT LOOK!!!
I look.
Legolas is perched on the edge of a tiny platform a good thirty feet up in the air. There is a matching platform on the other side of the center ring, and a tightrope is all that connects the two together. A very thin tightrope, in my honest opinion.
On the other platform there is another performer who is holding a long pole extended horizontal to the ground. He begins to walk forward onto the tightrope, and does some fancy footwork while Legolas stays on his two-by- two-foot piece of airy property and watches him.
Oh, you wanted to know what he was wearing, didn't you??
His absolute favorite color. Green. It's the green of the newly unfurled leaves of spring, with dark green, white, and silver sequins sewn in patterns resembling the leaves of the trees themselves twining around his long well-muscled trunk and legs. His strong elven arms are bare, his glowing shoulders exposed in the tight tank-style shirt he wears. His flowing blond locks are clean and dry, not a sign that just a few minutes ago he was soaked in soap to the bone and covered with white face paint.
I watch him, mesmerized, as he takes his first baby step out onto the rope. No, Legolas! my mind tries in vain to telecommunicate to him. You forgot your pole! You don't have a pole! Go back! Go back!
Of course, when has he ever listened to me?
He tiptoes gracefully out to the guy with the pole, carrying a long, thick white rope in his right hand. When he gets to the center where they meet, Legolas reaches out, nimbly takes the pole from the other guy, and hands him the rope. As Legolas backs up to his own platform again, I breathe a sigh of relief.
The man on the tightrope begins to jump. One, two, three, jumps in place. While the audience watches with rapt attention, he jumps forward along the tightrope to join Legolas on his platform. Legolas turns to him and bows, then the two raise their arms into the air. The audience applauds.
Now the man reaches underneath the dais they stand on and pulls up a bicycle that has been hanging there by a hook from the bottom. It has metal rims without rubber tires, so that it will fit onto the wire. He carefully places the rims onto the wire, then motions to Legolas with his free hand, inviting him to climb on and go for a ride.
My heart all but stops. Legolas has never even tried to ride Little Pip's bicycle at home. Not even once. And I'll be a monkey's uncle if they have any bicycles that he's tried in Middle-earth.
I am very pleased to see the fine elven locks shake side to side in refusal. Legolas instead picks up the pole.
No, NO! I think. Don't follow him out there with the pole! It's too bouncy, you'll fall!
But Legolas is not about to be deterred. As his partner climbs aboard the bicycle, Legolas steps onto the wire with him. However, he soon hands the pole to the man on the bicycle and steps back on the platform. Good elfboy! I think to myself.
The man rides to the middle, balances precariously, rides backward a bit, then forward a bit, then backward again, then finally moves forward to his own platform, while Legolas leads the crowd in applauding madly.
After the man leans the pole against the railing surrounding the platform, he puts the bicycle away on a second hidden hook. Moving to the edge, he makes a motion like he is jumping rope again. He looks at Legolas and points to the rope that is hanging over the edge of the railing beside him. Legolas picks up the rope and reaches out with it over the precipice between them, offering it. The man shakes his head side to side, saying that is not what he wants. Instead, he motions with his arm for Legolas to come across the tightrope to him.
Just say no! I transmit to him in thought. You can just say No!
Legolas surveys the tightrope, cocking his head from side to side. He peers over the edge of the platform at the ground below. He makes eye contact again with his partner, who beckons to him to come over and play. Shrugging his shoulders, he takes a tentative step out on the rope. The orchestra begins playing a drumroll.
"NO, LEGOLAS!" I shriek, leaping out of my chair thirty feet below him.
That's all it takes. With a wicked grin, he looks straight down at me, then nimbly leaps onto the tightrope and dances out to the center. He jumps the rope a few times, does some fancy one-footed things, then waltzes over and hands the rope to his partner on the platform.
The other man takes the rope and jumps his way to the center of the tightrope. Legolas joins him, and they jump together. Legolas backs out, and then takes a flying leap through the rope as it swings through the air above the man's head, catching himself with his hands as he falls back with gravity to the tightrope and doing a nice little half-round gymnastics move to come back to standing. The audience is going wild, on their feet cheering and clapping. Encouraged by the crowd's enthusiasm, Legolas completes the maneuver again-BACKWARDS.
They both move to the far platform, waving and smiling gleefully to the spectators below them.
Well, what did you expect? He's an elf!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Soon the show is ending, the grand finale parade has come and gone. The crowd is growing thinner, heading home to their ordinary lives. We wait as instructed at our seats ringside, and soon Legolas shows up, wearing the same blue jeans but now sporting a bright purple T-shirt with a cartoon caricature of the beautiful white mare from the equestrian act.
"Due u like it?" he asks, turning around and posing like a runway model. It's awfully small on him, and he keeps reaching to the hem to pull it down over his exposed bellybutton. I reach up to the tag in the back, peeking at the size. Yep, that explains it. Child's Large.
"I love it, nin mel," I say, laughing. "Isn't it a little on the small side though?"
"Dis iz da beegist siez dey haed," he proclaims, blushing. "Coem oen. It'z tiem fur da cloewn partee!"
We follow him backstage, where a rather subdued clown party is taking place. Most of the performers have removed their costumes and makeup already. The elephants are standing in huge baby pools, holding water hoses and spraying themselves. Occasionally one of the trainers encourages one of them to spray the folks standing around watching.
The horses are also getting their rubdowns and the handlers are beginning to fork out the hay for the evening meal. Legolas goes to the beautiful white mare he courted in the ring, stroking her neck and greeting her as an old friend.
"Dis iz Laedee Nimrodel," he says, introducing us. "Her maestr iz vary foend of dose buukz dat ar rittin abot me. He naemd her foer da soeng I seeng az we reech Lothlorien." He pauses, smiling at her as he rubs her neck. "I hav groen kwite foend of her endeed."
She snuffles against his chest, then turns to finish her oats in the bucket hanging on the wall of her portable stall. Giving her a pat, he escorts us out to meet the rest of the performers.
After visiting and eating refreshments, meeting many of the stars and stagehands, being the hapless victims of a few water squirting flowers and one fake pie to the face that Legolas dodges, we say our good-byes and leave the circus family to rest and recuperate for the next show.
"Legolas," I inquire as we walk the long way back to the car, "you never did tell me how you got invited to be in the circus."
"Oeh. . . ," he sighs. "It'z reely kwite seemple. Eavry shoew dey pik da pearson siettin en da chaer dat I wuz siettin en tu be en da shoew. If da pearson sez yaes, den whin u goe bakstaege dey fiend ouet whut u kin due and giev u a seerkus joeb."
Well, that sure sums it up. Simple as can be.
"Jest theenk, al," he says, sighing and settling back in the backseat with his eyes closed. "U mite hav bean en da seerkus if u haed sweetchd seetz wid me."
Oh yeah, baby, (c al) I think to myself. And I know just the perfect job for me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Big hugs to PuterPatty and to Grammar Laedee for checking the spelling and commas for us again. Grammar Laedee actually found an apostrophe and a stray 'e' in there after PP's fine toothed comb went through. PP's resume now also includes approver of costumes. The green tightrope attire is dedicated solely to her. Without PP, there would be no question if they were tights or pantyhose. None at all.
Lub Ledderz Frum Legolas
Nilmandra: Ar u kaellin me Maerty Stew? Yaes, da #7 tikit meenz I weel bea comin tu sea u sumtiem. . .dat ez, if dere iz enithaeng leaft of me whin #1 an #2 git dun. Hearz a leedle sumpthan raetid PG-13 fur u * rapz aermz arond u an keesiz u sweatlee*
PuterPatty: Heah, Laedee Nimrodel iz a LOET like u, PP! Elves due maek guud kloewnz, wid all owr misscheeveeousniss. Tho I kinnot sea Ada or Haldir en fase paynt. Da twinz an Elrond wuld due it tho. . . .Hoew bot dis? *sloe daenses wid u an eandz wid a seaxee deap kees *
Lady Silence: * hugz u bak* Thaenkz fur seandin Sigmund. He shoewd me hoew tu wurk da Flik an Lik Poepz. He ez oen hiz wae bak hoem noew.
ScarsOnAScribbler'sHeart: al wuz glaed dat dere wuz noe soep en dat bukit tuu! Deed u git da reasapee fur dat kaek? It wuz deelishus! *smuuch *
miao-miao: Nawty? Naeh, I kin bea a loet nawtier dan dat! * weenkz*
Fadesintothewest: Deed dis chaeptr aenser all ur kwestshunz? al sez dat Jocelyn's storee iz vary guud. She iz glaed u red it * snuegglz*
Dragon-of-the-north: I em glaed u liked dis enuf tu reed it twiece. Proemis u'll reed it threa tiemz? Proemis? * seandz elbin lub tu u*
TreeHugger: I haed tu chaeng my klothz sumtiem, soe I deed noet git tu due eberythaeng, tho I tried. I theenk u hav al kunfuzed wid Boromir wid da soep buebblz *humz "Spleesh-Splaesh" * Celeb Baud? Whoe sed enithaeng abot Celeb Baud? *huegz an keesiz tu u! *
Lina Skye: * weenkz* Hoew abot anuthr rownd, baybee? *tuerns my bak an shoewz oeff traepz an shoeldrz * Iz dat guud?
OverCast Day: al sez tu tael u I em a haendful. . .Hae! I liked whin u sed I wuz adoerabel. * blueshz an bloez u a kees*
Michelle: Bea karfurl dere! * tiepz u bak uep* U okae? *huegz u *
VladmirsAngel: Haehaehae! U suerpriezd me wid dat hueg an kees. Deed u sea da luuk oen my fase? Thaenkz fur reetuernin my koemb. An da choklit raesenz wur deelishus!! *skweezez u *
Newmoon: I theenk I weel bea a liting gaeffr dis suemmr. Da dierektur an da liting deesignr nead sumwon tu cliemb da laeddr whoe noewz whut dey ar duein. * huegz!*
Magical Rachel: * weenkz* * cofffaengurlcoff* Melethrin iz a tearm of aefekshun. . .like kaellin sumwon "my lub" * skweeze*
Anon: Wekkom tu da faengurl klueb! Da paepur kunfeddie coemz oet if u shaek ur haed or uze da koemb dat al haz en her pokit. Kloewnz hav beeg haredryrz fur da soep buebblz an wader. * snuegglz*
anna: Da Thranduil eyebroew luukz like dis * duz da eyebroew thaeng* Sea? -She can't see that, Legolas, it's just words on the compy screen, you'll have to tell her-oeh. . . U noe dat luuk dat ur Mom givz whin she doen't beeleeve a wurd u ar saeyn? Whin won eyebroew raeziz uep buet da uthr won doesn't? Dat'z it. *weenkz *
amber725akaStimpy: U ar gittin tu hav moer naemz dan Araporn, u noe. *weenkz *
leail: LEAIL! LEAIL! I lub hoew dat sowndz. LEAIL!!! Hoeld oen tu dat tikit, baybee, cuz I proemis tu saev a leedle biet of me fur u. . .buet doen't tael PP an Irena, okae?? * ruenz my feengrz thru ur hare az I kees u *
Angaloth: al sez I noew git 95% of da e-male she haz en her boex. Hoew abot a *snuegl* dis tiem?
Holly: Dat thoeng thaeng theeng iz uendrwaer?? Bie da Valar! Hoew en da wurld due u puet dat . . .(al whispers in now bright red elven ear) Sweat Elbereth!!
dawtheminstrel: I em glaed u joend us! Hav u haed a chaense tu goe sea da stoeree frum da beaginin yaet? It'z noet reely soe skaerrie den. *huegz u *
Dunrosiel: I doen't rimimbur haevin a kaek fite. Soep fite wuz guud tho. *snuegglz*
Lady Peredhel: Oeh, soerrie! * ketchez kees* I em keaping dis kees furever, rite hear *puetz kees oen cheak * *bloez won bak *
Grammar Laedee: Deed u sea my neuw haet?? al iz waerin da paentz dat maech. Dey ar grean an wite an blak wid cloevrz all ober dem. I goet tu ware dem fur a leedle wile, den she stoel dem bak. * beeg hueg fur u*
JastaElf: *watez * *watez * *watez sum moer * *THUD! * * oepenz won eye, seaz Celeb Baud daenglin frum Ada's feengurz * * pertindz tu bea dead.* *Yaep, DEAD. *
Katani Petitedra: Ooooeeh! I lub poestit noetz! Dey coem en all sieziz an kulurz an dey ar steekie! Deed I sae I lub poestit noetz?? * huegz u*
Sperry Dee: Oeh, cuet leedle Nazbuenniez! Whin ar dey coemin? Iz Spreeng brake ovr yaet? * keesiz*
Blume: I theenk we ar gunna hafta git a beegr howse. al iz tuff, she doen't ware worrier braydz eberydae fur nuthin. * bloewz a kees tu u*
Laura: I lub hoersiz. I haed a reely guud tiem. * snuegglz u*
Estina: Deed dis chaeptr aenser ur kwestshunz? I hoep soe! All it kost Yeas Deer wuz da tikitz an da fuud. He goet oeff cheep dis tiem. * cueddlz u*
Anja: al wuz noet dere, an I haed tu goe git redy rite awae. I theenk she enjoeyd it at da eand. *skweese! *
Digital Jessie: Tael ur maer dis *wheesprz * Dat shuld hep. * weenkz*
Legolana Greenleaf: *Caen *grateulashunz oen ur graend caen oepining! * muenchez hoerse-shaepd peenuet budder kup an seandz sum elbin lub tu u *
Mickie: U muest hav bean dere tu! Deed u sea me at da seerkus? Hear, dis ez whut al keapz en her pokitbuuk * haendz ovr a boex of NASCAR baendaedz*
Goddess-Isis-112: Thaenkz fur da Keesiz. I lub dese thaengz. Draessin uep iz fuen, buet shoewin oeff iz eben bedder. * greanz an huegz u*
aftem: Whin iz ur birfdae? Ar u havin a sleapober? Leedle Peep haz dose sumtiemz. Loetz of fuen! * smuuch*
laure: Ar u maed at Glorfindel an Assfelloff? Dese ar Poesun kuukeez! Tael ur Mom dat her kuukeez wear wundurful. * muenchz an bloez u a kruemby kees*
Lily Frost: Iz dat u whoe keapz kaellin me? al sed I kinnot aksept eni moer frea treepz tu Deezneywurld oer bie eni moer siedeeng oer reaplaesmint weendowz. She sez I EM da sakureity fur da howse, and we doen't nead tu bie dat ethr az loeng az I hav my boe an aroz. *weenkz *
IRENA: HAE, BAYBEE!! Iz dat thaeng ur waerin a haerniss? It luukz like dat thoeng thaeng theeng dat Holly tryd tu giv me. I thot Majur Thom wuz wurkin oen ur traenin, buet I'd bea glaed tu giv heem sum 'teepz.' Elben lub style, baybee. *snoeggz u a guud won *
Stephiroth: MY ADAR?? A KLOEWN?? * hie fievz u* Uehm.Noe. An yaeh, dat saeyn "If u kin't sae enithaeng nise, doen't sae enithaeng at all" kin git u en a LOET of trubel, soe bea karful whoe u sae it tu. * hiedz frum JastaElf an Ada*
Hiro-tyre: I hav sean da Cirque De Soliel komershulz oen TV. Dey ar guud! * seandz u a snueggl*
Campy-Oh: Mebbe I culd git a joeb az a kloewn. . . . Naeh, Ada wuld keel me. Plues I doen't like it whin da baelluunz poep. *hueg fur u *
Chelsey: Noe, I deed noet git tu keap da koestumz. I deed git tu keap da puerpel shurt an da haet wid "Da Gratest Shoew Oen Erth" oen it. * Sweat keesez fur u*
Arilyn: We haed a grate tiem! Eberydae iz a fuen dae at al'z howse. Weel, almoest eberydae. *huegz u *
JavaGlxy: Hannon le, JavaGlxy! I lub u tu! * skweeze*
Becky Greenleaf: Sea, al? Eberybuddie lubz me! Noew dat u hav moer ruum en ur kloesit, u kin bie suem neuw klothz! * kees*
Andy'sPrincess: It muest hav bean da Elvis maedisin. Dese lub ledderz taek awile tu tipe, siense I kin oenlee due won ledder at da tiem, buet I em gittin bedder at it. * keesiz u*
Fallohide Pride: It'z okae. I chek tu maek shur bie da daet dey ar rittin. I aelso chek da e-male, cuz sumtiemz peepl kin't git da buddon at ff.net tu wurk rite. I lub u tu! *snuegglz * I em soe glaed u caem tu joyn us! Hannon le fur da choklit baskit of guudeez. * ruebz tuemmie*
Frodo girl: Frodo iz goenna bea eben hoettr whin he gitz tu Mownt Duum. I lub u tu! *kueddl *
Lou: It'z guud tu sea u agin! Soerrie fur da deelae, dat stoerrie of owr lievz iz steel goen oen, and we weel tael it suun, okae?? * elbin lub fur u *
Astrid Tinuvial: Hannon le fur da keez. Da gurlz whoe snoeg wid me I alreedy noe. I hava loet of faengurlz u sea. *waevz tu u * Wekkom tu da klueb!
The Two Princesses: I goet ur e-male! Sea?? al'z fase luukd jest like dis * skweenciz eyez kloezd an duekz* I em glaed u liked ur praesentz. Ur goenna seand me a praesnt tuu?? Oeh yaeh, baybee! (c Legolas) I lub praenentz! XXXOOOXXXOOOXXXOOOXXXOOO
MNT: Coem oen, nin mellon! Puesh da bueddon dere, an tael me u ar hear. I noe u ar luerkin ouet dere, I kin here u wid my elbin eerz! * U kin hav ur keez whin u puesh da bueddon, coem oen! *
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All done, nin mel?
I thaenk soe. I em alwaez afraed I meesed sumbuddie.
I know the feeling, baby.
See you next time, and thanks for all your notes to us both!