I left for Lothlorien three days later with Haldir and the other Lothlorien
elves. I regretted saying goodbye to Arwen, who had become a good friend
while I was at Rivendell, though I knew I'd see her again. Probably soon.
We reached Lothlorien after a week of travel over the mountains. They made me shiver and feel paranoid, and I was constantly looking over my shoulder.
"These are fell mountains." Haldir said. "Goblins and Orcs are rife here."
"Thank you." I said sweetly. "I desperately needed to know there's a reason for my paranoia." He smiled at my discomfort, and I made a note to find a frog when we reached Lothlorien.
*&*
Lothlorien was a haunting place, and when I stepped into it I was overrun by a torrent of emotions that weren't mine, and I suddenly knew where Queen Janira had disappeared to long ago. Her feelings and essence were strong here, despite the millennia past. A touch on my arm brought me back to the present.
"My lady, are you well?" One of the elves that travelled with us was looking worriedly into my eyes. Haldir saw us and approached.
"I am fine, thank you." I said graciously. I shook my head at Haldir, and he did not ask, or bring up the subject again. We were days into the wood when I heard her voice. She sounded old, like Emriel did. But it was old in a wise way, not old in a senile way.
"Eldira Jané of Mordor." Her voice was full and filled my head and mind. "Welcome to Lothlorien. I have been waiting for you." I looked around, and none of the other elves seemed affected or different, so I assumed it had been only me who heard the Lady of the Wood in my head, or otherwise.
We arrived the following day at the main dwelling in the forest of Lothlorien. Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn met us as the base of a white tower that wound about a tree.
"Welcome to Lothlorien." She said. Her voice was quiet, yet filled the glade. I curtsied, as I had been told. "And welcome back, Marchwarden, you have been missed." She said to Haldir, who bowed.
"Please, get rested. And then we must talk." Galadriel said. Other elves came and showed us to places where we would rest, and there I was left alone. Presently a female elf came and showed me to a bathing pool, where I was able to wash off the grime of our journey. When I emerged from the pool, the elf was gone, though she had left a towel and a long pale blue dress with embroidery.
When I picked up the dress to put it on, I nearly dropped it in shock. The dress was familiar to me, though I had never seen it before in my life. And it was old. Millennia old, yet perfectly preserved. And I realised why it seemed so familiar - one of the queens had worn it - I still held their essences within me from the times I spent in Denarssa, meditating, and talking with their spirits. I smiled to myself, and buried my nose in the sky blue silk and sniffed. It smelt of Jasmine and rose, and a flash of a green land came before my eyes then vanished. I knew Mordor had not always been how it was now, but I had not expected it to be so green.
*&*
When I returned to my sleeping quarters, dressed in the sky blue dress with my black hair hanging loose down my back, the elf who had shown me the baths was waiting for me.
"The Lady wishes to see you whenever you are ready." She told me. I nodded and smiled.
"thank you. I just need to brush my hair and I'll be ready." She picked up a silver brush from the table, and gently pushed me into a chair, and she began to brush my hair. I was unused to this level of service, but I let her continue, lest she be offended if I stopped her.
I put the gold coil into my hair myself, so that it held my hair away from my face. "I am ready." I said, and the elf nodded.
"Follow me." She said, and I did. I came to a clear glade, where the Lady waited for me. She smiled at the elf, and she disappeared, leaving us alone.
"Come." And she turned and walked away. I followed, for I didn't know what else to do. We came to a clearing where there was a stone table with a silver dish on the surface. The Lady poured water into it and gestured me towards it.
"What do you see?" she asked. I leaned over it, gazing into the dish. At first all I saw as my reflection. Pale oval face with large dark green eyes and wavy black hair tumbling over my shoulders. My gold sun necklace swung in the necklace, and my eyes focused on it. When they turned back to the rest of the picture, my reflection had vanished, leaving a picture of a lush green land surrounded by mountains, and a city with a high tower in the centre. I saw a tall woman, dressed in blue with black hair sitting on a gold throne, wearing a crown which was a golden band with gold and bronze wavy spikes coming out of it, which looked much like flames. Then I saw dark shifting scenes, with people screaming all the way through. Then I saw a woman with chestnut hair riding a horse quickly across the plain, following a wide river to its source, then coming among the deep silver- green trees I recognised as belonging in Lothlorien. This, then, was Queen Janira, fleeing Mordor.
I saw a glimpse of a new born child, then images of women's faces, one after the other, faster and faster until they were a blur of dark hair and blue eyes. Then suddenly my face stared back at me, different from the others with the green eyes. The view zoned back, and I saw myself kneeling before someone in a great marble hall, and in their hands was the crown I saw on the first woman of my vision. I could not see their face. I saw the black lands of Mordor lighten and change to green, and then green spread from the city I had seen before. I saw myself on a throne. Then there were dark jumbled scenes I could make no sense of, Legolas and a dwarf, Aragorn falling off a cliff, a tall blonde woman staring across the plains and wishing she were a man. Four small boys, with hairy feet and curling hair. A golden ring then a fiery eye. Then my necklace fell into the water, and the ripples spread across the surface. I pulled my face away, gasping.
"I know what you saw. It is what might come to pass, should certain things come to be."
"That eye..." I said. It filled me with dark foreboding.
"The eye of Sauron. It is connected with the ring you saw, which is hidden at the moment." Galadriel said. I nodded, and touched the sun pendant at my throat. It was warm, and comfort flowed from it into me.
"It is time you learnt of Mordor what you did not know. You know Mordor was originally called Anorondor, the land of dawn, and its colours were sky blue and gold."
"And the flag was a gold sun on a blue background." I said.
"Yes. A great darkness fell over Anorondor, when the men attacked and took the crown from the Queen Janira. She fled, and her daughters perished. All except one, Emria, who was not yet born when Janira fled. It came time for Janira to give birth while she was here, and her it was among the woods of Lorien than Emria was born. When Janira fled, she brought with her the most important items from Anorondor, so the king would not have them - the crown and flag. She also brought that dress that you wear now."
"I knew it was hers. Her spirit still roams these woods."
"It does. And if you're in the right place, at the right time, you can see her, barely six months after Emria was born. She took her life in the moonlight among the trees." Galadriel said. Her voice was impassive, though her blue eyes spoke of sadness. "You look much like her in that dress. Apart from your eyes. You have your father's eyes."
"You knew my father?" I asked.
"No. I knew of him. But I knew him not."
"Does he still..."
"No. he passed from this life many years ago, shortly after you were born." I nodded, regretting that I knew neither of my parents.
"He loved Eldira greatly." Galadriel said gently. "When she passed from this life, so too did he."
"He was elven?"
"He was. His name was Eldethor, and though he never did anything remarkable in a large way, he made your mother want to live again, and that is indeed a wonderful feat. But more than this I do not know. Come, there is a feast in your honour."
"You didn't have to-" I protested.
"I know. But it is long since the Queen of Mordor has rested in Lorien." As I followed Galadriel back to the main dwelling, I couldn't help but think, 'I am not queen yet'.
*&*
I spun to the music, dancing the old dances as I had done in the hidden city. I hoped I was doing them right, because Galadriel had seen them before, and she didn't seem to be one who would forget.
I lost myself in the music, in the dance steps that seemed more natural to me than breathing. I heard a small disturbance half way through the dance, but did not pause to see what it was, just kept spinning and dipping and turning and swaying letting the music dance me.
When the music finally stopped, I dipped one last time, then paused to catch my breath. Galadriel looked pleased. I accepted a cup of wine from one of the elves and turned to the newcomer and nearly dropped my wine. Legolas leaned against the doorframe. I turned away, and found the elves calling for another dance.
"Very well." I said. "But I do not think the Lady Galadriel will know this dance, for it was made long after my people had passed to the city in the west. It is a dance for Janira, who was the Queen of my people long ago, but disappeared after she was attacked by men she had considered friends." The music started, a slow melody as I had asked for. I began to sing to the music, and dance in the old pattern.
The song and dance told of the defeat of Mordor by Men who had been considered friends. It told of the fear of Janira for herself and her daughters. Then of the news of her pregnancy from her eldest daughter, and her flight from the only land she had ever known, following her instincts to go northwest. It told of her discovery of Lothlorien, and the kindness of the Lady of the Wood. It told of the birth of Emria, and then the news of Janira's dead daughters, and then her own flight into the wood, where she wandered, then died. It told of how the Lady of the Wood had cared for the baby Emria, and taught her of Mordor, then sent her to the hidden city for safekeeping.
The words I sang were not the words I had been taught, but words that I simply sang, one after the other. And yet I did not make it up as I went along. I felt as if I had always known this song. And maybe I had. I sang as though I was Janira, and perhaps for that song her ghost had come to the flet and sang through me. Then the words finished, and I danced, and She taught me the steps I had never known and yet had always known. And when it was done I was tired, and felt like I had gone for days without rest. Once I had stopped dancing, I stumbled, and the arms of an elf went around me, and Legolas' familiar voice whispered in my ear.
"Why did you never tell me?" he asked. He sat me in a chair, and handed me a cup of wine, watching me like a hawk as I sipped it.
"Tell you what?" I asked. I did not mean it to tease, only there was so much I had not told him, I hardly knew where to start.
He stared at me hard. Then shook his head. "It is of no matter now." He said. He turned, and I grabbed his hand as he began to walk away.
"Legolas." He turned to me. "I did not tell you before because I did not know. And I did not tell you at Denarssa because I did not know how, and had no time to think. I am the descendant of Morgaine and Janira and all the rest, and the heir to Mordor. I am sorry I did not tell you earlier." I said very quickly. Legolas studied me for a moment then nodded.
"I can understand. And now would not be a good time for the knowledge that an heir to Mordor still lives to be widespread. Dark things are growing."
"They are. But as for now...Legolas, can you give me a hand? I need sleep. Singing for Janira is tiring."
I stood, and wavered slightly. Legolas grasped my arm and guided me out of the flet and down to my sleeping place.
"What did you mean, singing for Janira?" he asked, as we walked.
"Those were not the original words to the song." I said. I stumbled, and Legolas put his arm around my waist. I leaned into him. "And I half doubt that it was me singing. Can you not feel her?" Legolas looked at me sharply. Then stopped suddenly. There was a white figure approaching us, and I suddenly knew what to do. "Stay here." I whispered, then turned and walked towards the white figure.
It was, as I had expected, a woman dressed as I was. But everything about her was pale, and I knew she no longer walked among the living.
"Janira! Grandmother!" I called softly into the woods. She turned quickly, and I quashed a sudden blade of fear that shot through me. She approached me, and stood before me in a second.
"Jané!" Legolas whispered. I ignored him.
"My daughters! They are dead. All dead. And it is my fault!" the dead queen mourned. I slowly put my hand out and my fingertips touched something solid. Quick as lightening her hand wrapped around mine in an icy embrace. "Who are you, that you can touch me?" she hissed.
"I am Princess Eldira Jané, exiled from Mordor, and the heir to Anorondor." I said. Her hands went about my throat quickly, and I gasped.
"You lie!" the ghost screamed. "All my daughters are gone! The line of Queens is ended!" an owl called and rose from the trees.
"NO!" I rasped out. "Your baby. Emria. She lives. She is my many times great grandmother. Why do you think I can touch you?" the ghost narrowed her eyes at me.
"To whom else would Lady Galadriel give your dress?" I asked urgently. The dead Queen looked down at the blue gown I wore, and slowly released me. Her white hand stretched out to touch my shoulder, covered in the sky blue silk. "And the necklace!" I unfastened it, and opened it on the palm of my hand. "The locket with the seeds from the red tree!" the queen touched them gently.
"I left this locket in Anorondor." The queen rasped.
"Venri brought it with her when she escaped with her daughters and Emriel. Do you deny that it was yours?" I demanded.
"No." the queen whispered. "And these are the seeds of the red tree."
"Queen Janira, the line lives." I said softly, and sank into a deep curtsey. The ghostly woman raised me.
"Then my daughter lives?" the queen asked, a tear slipping down her ghostly face.
"She does." I said with a smile. "And she has a daughter called Emrian, who had a daughter called Brial. And from there it continued unto me." The queen smiled and took my hands. She studied them carefully, then kissed the palm of each.
"You have the greatest blessing I can give, granddaughter." Janira said "You have raised my madness, and released me. I can rest now, and join my daughters, and my granddaughters. Thank you." She kissed my cheek, and dissolved in a swirling breeze.
"Don't leave me!" I suddenly cried, terrified to be left alone, despite all the elves of Lorien, and Legolas, who still stood at the edge of the tree.
"I am not gone, little Eldira Jané!" her laughter rang through the trees. "I am always within your heart." The mist swirled once more, then dissipated.
I fell to my knees, tears streaming down my face. Legolas slowly came, and knelt beside me.
"You handled that rather well." He said, and I knew he said it because he didn't know what else to say. I leaned against him, and he hugged me. He sang to me as I cried into his shirt - a song much older than he was, and I suddenly found I knew what he was singing! The song was in old Mordor, though his pronunciation was so bad I hadn't been able to tell at first. What struck me more was that it was a lullaby. It seemed that more than one queen had dwelt with the elves, and not just the elves of Lothlorien. Mirkwood, too seemed to have had one of the old queens living within its borders. My grandmothers certainly seemed to have travelled far across Middle Earth.
*&*
I woke next morning in my rooms, though I scarce remember getting there. Once dressed I went to search out the Lady Galadriel, for I knew in my heart what I must do, though I would need her help, if only to keep Legolas distracted, for he would forbid me to go, or worse, would insist on accompanying me.
I found her in the centre of a birch grove, waiting for me. She smiled and took my hand, turning it over. In the centre was a small marking, pale against the rest of my skin. It was a sun, in the style of the suns of Mordor, and I knew how it had come to be there.
"So you came to the Queen." Galadriel said. I nodded.
"She was mad with despair."
"And yet, you cured her, that she may pass." Galadriel released my hand. "I know what it is you must do, though I do not advise it."
"I must go." I said insistently.
"Indeed, though evading the prince will not be easy." She smiled knowingly.
"For that I need your aid."
"Yes. If you can wait for a few days, a feast can be arranged, and the prince can be made drunk, that he wakes not early enough to prevent your departure."
This way seemed cold and almost cruel to me, but I could think of no other way to keep Legolas out of my way long enough for me to leave, and be far enough away that he did not follow.
"Very well." I agreed. Galadriel smiled and departed, leaving me alone in the birch grove. A strange emptiness filled me, and I sank to the floor under the great birch, and leaned against its trunk.
I was having second thoughts about my quest. It seemed at once prideful and foolish, though I was still driven to it. It would take me many months, and I approached my thirty sixth birthday even now. And there was always the large possibility I could be caught, and perhaps killed. Then the line of Queens would be ended - Andel was the closest relative, and nearest to the throne after me. But she was old; much too old for childbearing, and would probably be dead before the throne passed back to the line of queens. Then what would befall Mordor? The Queens would be dead, all because of a stupid mission I felt I had to take.
"Perilous it may be, but stupid it isn't. The remaining free peoples of Mordor have all but forgotten the tales of the Queens, and of Anorondor. They must remember you, and be ready for you when you need them." The voice at my side made me jump. A young girl with reddish-blonde hair and blue eyes sat beside me. She was not elven kind, but mortal, though I could see signs of the Queens in her: her blue eyes, her slender figure. And at her throat she wore the sun pendant, even as it hung around my neck.
"Who are you?" I asked.
"Bria." The girl answered with a smile. I remembered not a queen with that name, though I knew of two with names similar.
"I am not a Queen of the past, but perhaps a Queen of the future, if all goes well." She said with a smile. Her smile had the same quality that many elven smiles had, and I wondered at it. "Be brave, mother. The people are waiting for your call. But remember the eye, for it waits and prepares for the times to come. Do not let it see you!" she warned. Then she kissed me on the cheek and was gone, and I was left staring at the place where she had been sitting. I wondered at her calling me mother, but then I called many of my ancestors mother, because if you went back far enough they were, though they had many children before me, so perhaps it was not so strange.
"Jané?" I looked up to see Legolas standing hesitantly at the edge of the birches. "I heard voices."
"The trees talking." I said, standing. "You are well, this morning?"
"I am. And you? You looked overly pale last night." He came towards me and touched my cheek.
"I am well enough." I said with a smile. "Thank you for helping me to my sleeping rooms."
"You're welcome." He paused and took a deep breath. "Jané, what was that...thing last night?" he asked.
"Have you never seen a ghost before?" I teased. He shook his head. "Neither have I." He looked at me, surprised. "But I don't doubt that that is what it was. The ghost of Queen Janira who died here in Lothlorien thousands of years ago."
"Why did she try to kill you? How did she nearly succeed, if she was ghost?" Legolas pressed.
"I suppose its because I'm her great granddaughter. She was mad with grief for her three dead daughters, Legolas. Its unsurprising that she did not appreciate me insisting that the line lived, when to her, it had died." Legolas cocked his head in understanding.
"I can see how that would infuriate her." He said. He held out his arm. "Walk with me?" I nodded and took it. "So what did you do at Denarssa for twenty three years?"
"All about Mordor of old, songs, customs and all the rest of it. About the Queens and their children, and about how they ruled and lived. How to do magic-"
"Magic?" Legolas asked warily.
"Manipulating the weather, weak minds, and cloaking ourselves and others from the sight of others. That sort of thing."
"Ah." Legolas said no more, but I could tell something had disturbed him.
"What is it?" I asked.
"You manipulate minds?"
"As a rule, no. but I know how to, and the mind has to be weak anyway, and it also helps if someone wants to be manipulated."
"How could someone want to be manipulated?" Legolas burst out. I started laughing.
"That is exactly why it would not work on you!" I exclaimed through my laughter. He turned to face me, and held my shoulders.
"Even if you wanted to?" he asked softly. My laughter stilled, as I stared at him. "Why was I brought to you in Denarssa?" he asked. I didn't know what to say. "Tell me, Jané. Why was I brought to you in Denarssa?" I opened my mouth to say something, though I didn't know what to say. "Tell me!" he whispered furiously, and I suddenly realised he knew, or at least had guessed.
"Part of...part of what they were teaching me at Denarssa was to manipulate people...men. I had been taught how to...seduce men, and they were making me practice." I was unable to meet Legolas' eyes. "They felt I had succeeded at being able to seduce men, and so they sent an elf to me, because they said elves had different effects on you. But the moment they showed you in, I...I couldn't." I hung my head, and Legolas pushed me away and stormed to the other side of the small area we were in. I lifted my head to stare at his retreating back. "I'm sorry Legolas! I didn't know they would send you!" I cried out.
"So any other elf would have done, would they?" Legolas turned to face me, and I took a step back, and my back hit a tree.
"No! I mean...I don't know. I didn't feel for any of them - it was simply another exercise. Like building a flet. You don't think of the feelings of the wood you use." I floundered.
"You didn't feel for any of them? What about me?" he took two steps towards me.
"I don't understand-" Legolas came towards me faster than I could move away and pressed his lips down on mine. He devoured my mouth hungrily, with his hands on either side of my face. When he drew back for air, his eyes had darkened, and a pink flush was high on his cheekbones.
"It was because of you..." Legolas kissed me again, and all thought of what I had been in the middle of saying fled my mind. I had loved him for twenty years, and while half of me rejoiced at the feeling of his lips on mine, the other half worried that it was simply lust on his part, and I simply an object, just as the men I had seduced had been to me.
"Legolas." I gasped out, though I think it came out as more of a moan than anything else. "Please, Legolas. Stop." Legolas pulled back from me, and stared at me a moment, then something changed in his eyes.
"Valar, Jané! I'm so sorry!" he turned and began to walk away.
"Legolas! Stop!" I hurried after him, straightening my hair and dress, which his wandering hands had dishevelled. He paused a moment, but did not turn. I came so I stood before him, but he refused to meet my eyes. So I did the only thing I could think of and rose up on my toes and kissed him lightly. He started back.
"Jané, don't. Just...don't." then he turned and disappeared into the forest. I stood silent for a moment, then turned and headed back to the main dwelling.
*&*
Galadriel needn't have worried about holding a feast, as that night Legolas drank until he was truly drunk. Haldir and I helped him back to his sleeping place, and laid him gently on the bed. He looked peaceful I touched him hair, and his hand grabbed my wrist, and yanked me forward. I fell across the bed, bracing myself on my arm.
"Jané, I'm...sorry for what happened." He said in my ear. I nodded.
"So am I, Legolas. I..." I trailed off. He was asleep.
"Jané, everything's ready, and you need sleep. It isn't the easiest of journeys." Haldir said, laying a hand on my shoulder. I nodded, and kissed Legolas' forehead. Then I turned and went back to my own sleeping place, where I gratefully sank onto the bed and then into sweet oblivion.
We reached Lothlorien after a week of travel over the mountains. They made me shiver and feel paranoid, and I was constantly looking over my shoulder.
"These are fell mountains." Haldir said. "Goblins and Orcs are rife here."
"Thank you." I said sweetly. "I desperately needed to know there's a reason for my paranoia." He smiled at my discomfort, and I made a note to find a frog when we reached Lothlorien.
*&*
Lothlorien was a haunting place, and when I stepped into it I was overrun by a torrent of emotions that weren't mine, and I suddenly knew where Queen Janira had disappeared to long ago. Her feelings and essence were strong here, despite the millennia past. A touch on my arm brought me back to the present.
"My lady, are you well?" One of the elves that travelled with us was looking worriedly into my eyes. Haldir saw us and approached.
"I am fine, thank you." I said graciously. I shook my head at Haldir, and he did not ask, or bring up the subject again. We were days into the wood when I heard her voice. She sounded old, like Emriel did. But it was old in a wise way, not old in a senile way.
"Eldira Jané of Mordor." Her voice was full and filled my head and mind. "Welcome to Lothlorien. I have been waiting for you." I looked around, and none of the other elves seemed affected or different, so I assumed it had been only me who heard the Lady of the Wood in my head, or otherwise.
We arrived the following day at the main dwelling in the forest of Lothlorien. Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn met us as the base of a white tower that wound about a tree.
"Welcome to Lothlorien." She said. Her voice was quiet, yet filled the glade. I curtsied, as I had been told. "And welcome back, Marchwarden, you have been missed." She said to Haldir, who bowed.
"Please, get rested. And then we must talk." Galadriel said. Other elves came and showed us to places where we would rest, and there I was left alone. Presently a female elf came and showed me to a bathing pool, where I was able to wash off the grime of our journey. When I emerged from the pool, the elf was gone, though she had left a towel and a long pale blue dress with embroidery.
When I picked up the dress to put it on, I nearly dropped it in shock. The dress was familiar to me, though I had never seen it before in my life. And it was old. Millennia old, yet perfectly preserved. And I realised why it seemed so familiar - one of the queens had worn it - I still held their essences within me from the times I spent in Denarssa, meditating, and talking with their spirits. I smiled to myself, and buried my nose in the sky blue silk and sniffed. It smelt of Jasmine and rose, and a flash of a green land came before my eyes then vanished. I knew Mordor had not always been how it was now, but I had not expected it to be so green.
*&*
When I returned to my sleeping quarters, dressed in the sky blue dress with my black hair hanging loose down my back, the elf who had shown me the baths was waiting for me.
"The Lady wishes to see you whenever you are ready." She told me. I nodded and smiled.
"thank you. I just need to brush my hair and I'll be ready." She picked up a silver brush from the table, and gently pushed me into a chair, and she began to brush my hair. I was unused to this level of service, but I let her continue, lest she be offended if I stopped her.
I put the gold coil into my hair myself, so that it held my hair away from my face. "I am ready." I said, and the elf nodded.
"Follow me." She said, and I did. I came to a clear glade, where the Lady waited for me. She smiled at the elf, and she disappeared, leaving us alone.
"Come." And she turned and walked away. I followed, for I didn't know what else to do. We came to a clearing where there was a stone table with a silver dish on the surface. The Lady poured water into it and gestured me towards it.
"What do you see?" she asked. I leaned over it, gazing into the dish. At first all I saw as my reflection. Pale oval face with large dark green eyes and wavy black hair tumbling over my shoulders. My gold sun necklace swung in the necklace, and my eyes focused on it. When they turned back to the rest of the picture, my reflection had vanished, leaving a picture of a lush green land surrounded by mountains, and a city with a high tower in the centre. I saw a tall woman, dressed in blue with black hair sitting on a gold throne, wearing a crown which was a golden band with gold and bronze wavy spikes coming out of it, which looked much like flames. Then I saw dark shifting scenes, with people screaming all the way through. Then I saw a woman with chestnut hair riding a horse quickly across the plain, following a wide river to its source, then coming among the deep silver- green trees I recognised as belonging in Lothlorien. This, then, was Queen Janira, fleeing Mordor.
I saw a glimpse of a new born child, then images of women's faces, one after the other, faster and faster until they were a blur of dark hair and blue eyes. Then suddenly my face stared back at me, different from the others with the green eyes. The view zoned back, and I saw myself kneeling before someone in a great marble hall, and in their hands was the crown I saw on the first woman of my vision. I could not see their face. I saw the black lands of Mordor lighten and change to green, and then green spread from the city I had seen before. I saw myself on a throne. Then there were dark jumbled scenes I could make no sense of, Legolas and a dwarf, Aragorn falling off a cliff, a tall blonde woman staring across the plains and wishing she were a man. Four small boys, with hairy feet and curling hair. A golden ring then a fiery eye. Then my necklace fell into the water, and the ripples spread across the surface. I pulled my face away, gasping.
"I know what you saw. It is what might come to pass, should certain things come to be."
"That eye..." I said. It filled me with dark foreboding.
"The eye of Sauron. It is connected with the ring you saw, which is hidden at the moment." Galadriel said. I nodded, and touched the sun pendant at my throat. It was warm, and comfort flowed from it into me.
"It is time you learnt of Mordor what you did not know. You know Mordor was originally called Anorondor, the land of dawn, and its colours were sky blue and gold."
"And the flag was a gold sun on a blue background." I said.
"Yes. A great darkness fell over Anorondor, when the men attacked and took the crown from the Queen Janira. She fled, and her daughters perished. All except one, Emria, who was not yet born when Janira fled. It came time for Janira to give birth while she was here, and her it was among the woods of Lorien than Emria was born. When Janira fled, she brought with her the most important items from Anorondor, so the king would not have them - the crown and flag. She also brought that dress that you wear now."
"I knew it was hers. Her spirit still roams these woods."
"It does. And if you're in the right place, at the right time, you can see her, barely six months after Emria was born. She took her life in the moonlight among the trees." Galadriel said. Her voice was impassive, though her blue eyes spoke of sadness. "You look much like her in that dress. Apart from your eyes. You have your father's eyes."
"You knew my father?" I asked.
"No. I knew of him. But I knew him not."
"Does he still..."
"No. he passed from this life many years ago, shortly after you were born." I nodded, regretting that I knew neither of my parents.
"He loved Eldira greatly." Galadriel said gently. "When she passed from this life, so too did he."
"He was elven?"
"He was. His name was Eldethor, and though he never did anything remarkable in a large way, he made your mother want to live again, and that is indeed a wonderful feat. But more than this I do not know. Come, there is a feast in your honour."
"You didn't have to-" I protested.
"I know. But it is long since the Queen of Mordor has rested in Lorien." As I followed Galadriel back to the main dwelling, I couldn't help but think, 'I am not queen yet'.
*&*
I spun to the music, dancing the old dances as I had done in the hidden city. I hoped I was doing them right, because Galadriel had seen them before, and she didn't seem to be one who would forget.
I lost myself in the music, in the dance steps that seemed more natural to me than breathing. I heard a small disturbance half way through the dance, but did not pause to see what it was, just kept spinning and dipping and turning and swaying letting the music dance me.
When the music finally stopped, I dipped one last time, then paused to catch my breath. Galadriel looked pleased. I accepted a cup of wine from one of the elves and turned to the newcomer and nearly dropped my wine. Legolas leaned against the doorframe. I turned away, and found the elves calling for another dance.
"Very well." I said. "But I do not think the Lady Galadriel will know this dance, for it was made long after my people had passed to the city in the west. It is a dance for Janira, who was the Queen of my people long ago, but disappeared after she was attacked by men she had considered friends." The music started, a slow melody as I had asked for. I began to sing to the music, and dance in the old pattern.
The song and dance told of the defeat of Mordor by Men who had been considered friends. It told of the fear of Janira for herself and her daughters. Then of the news of her pregnancy from her eldest daughter, and her flight from the only land she had ever known, following her instincts to go northwest. It told of her discovery of Lothlorien, and the kindness of the Lady of the Wood. It told of the birth of Emria, and then the news of Janira's dead daughters, and then her own flight into the wood, where she wandered, then died. It told of how the Lady of the Wood had cared for the baby Emria, and taught her of Mordor, then sent her to the hidden city for safekeeping.
The words I sang were not the words I had been taught, but words that I simply sang, one after the other. And yet I did not make it up as I went along. I felt as if I had always known this song. And maybe I had. I sang as though I was Janira, and perhaps for that song her ghost had come to the flet and sang through me. Then the words finished, and I danced, and She taught me the steps I had never known and yet had always known. And when it was done I was tired, and felt like I had gone for days without rest. Once I had stopped dancing, I stumbled, and the arms of an elf went around me, and Legolas' familiar voice whispered in my ear.
"Why did you never tell me?" he asked. He sat me in a chair, and handed me a cup of wine, watching me like a hawk as I sipped it.
"Tell you what?" I asked. I did not mean it to tease, only there was so much I had not told him, I hardly knew where to start.
He stared at me hard. Then shook his head. "It is of no matter now." He said. He turned, and I grabbed his hand as he began to walk away.
"Legolas." He turned to me. "I did not tell you before because I did not know. And I did not tell you at Denarssa because I did not know how, and had no time to think. I am the descendant of Morgaine and Janira and all the rest, and the heir to Mordor. I am sorry I did not tell you earlier." I said very quickly. Legolas studied me for a moment then nodded.
"I can understand. And now would not be a good time for the knowledge that an heir to Mordor still lives to be widespread. Dark things are growing."
"They are. But as for now...Legolas, can you give me a hand? I need sleep. Singing for Janira is tiring."
I stood, and wavered slightly. Legolas grasped my arm and guided me out of the flet and down to my sleeping place.
"What did you mean, singing for Janira?" he asked, as we walked.
"Those were not the original words to the song." I said. I stumbled, and Legolas put his arm around my waist. I leaned into him. "And I half doubt that it was me singing. Can you not feel her?" Legolas looked at me sharply. Then stopped suddenly. There was a white figure approaching us, and I suddenly knew what to do. "Stay here." I whispered, then turned and walked towards the white figure.
It was, as I had expected, a woman dressed as I was. But everything about her was pale, and I knew she no longer walked among the living.
"Janira! Grandmother!" I called softly into the woods. She turned quickly, and I quashed a sudden blade of fear that shot through me. She approached me, and stood before me in a second.
"Jané!" Legolas whispered. I ignored him.
"My daughters! They are dead. All dead. And it is my fault!" the dead queen mourned. I slowly put my hand out and my fingertips touched something solid. Quick as lightening her hand wrapped around mine in an icy embrace. "Who are you, that you can touch me?" she hissed.
"I am Princess Eldira Jané, exiled from Mordor, and the heir to Anorondor." I said. Her hands went about my throat quickly, and I gasped.
"You lie!" the ghost screamed. "All my daughters are gone! The line of Queens is ended!" an owl called and rose from the trees.
"NO!" I rasped out. "Your baby. Emria. She lives. She is my many times great grandmother. Why do you think I can touch you?" the ghost narrowed her eyes at me.
"To whom else would Lady Galadriel give your dress?" I asked urgently. The dead Queen looked down at the blue gown I wore, and slowly released me. Her white hand stretched out to touch my shoulder, covered in the sky blue silk. "And the necklace!" I unfastened it, and opened it on the palm of my hand. "The locket with the seeds from the red tree!" the queen touched them gently.
"I left this locket in Anorondor." The queen rasped.
"Venri brought it with her when she escaped with her daughters and Emriel. Do you deny that it was yours?" I demanded.
"No." the queen whispered. "And these are the seeds of the red tree."
"Queen Janira, the line lives." I said softly, and sank into a deep curtsey. The ghostly woman raised me.
"Then my daughter lives?" the queen asked, a tear slipping down her ghostly face.
"She does." I said with a smile. "And she has a daughter called Emrian, who had a daughter called Brial. And from there it continued unto me." The queen smiled and took my hands. She studied them carefully, then kissed the palm of each.
"You have the greatest blessing I can give, granddaughter." Janira said "You have raised my madness, and released me. I can rest now, and join my daughters, and my granddaughters. Thank you." She kissed my cheek, and dissolved in a swirling breeze.
"Don't leave me!" I suddenly cried, terrified to be left alone, despite all the elves of Lorien, and Legolas, who still stood at the edge of the tree.
"I am not gone, little Eldira Jané!" her laughter rang through the trees. "I am always within your heart." The mist swirled once more, then dissipated.
I fell to my knees, tears streaming down my face. Legolas slowly came, and knelt beside me.
"You handled that rather well." He said, and I knew he said it because he didn't know what else to say. I leaned against him, and he hugged me. He sang to me as I cried into his shirt - a song much older than he was, and I suddenly found I knew what he was singing! The song was in old Mordor, though his pronunciation was so bad I hadn't been able to tell at first. What struck me more was that it was a lullaby. It seemed that more than one queen had dwelt with the elves, and not just the elves of Lothlorien. Mirkwood, too seemed to have had one of the old queens living within its borders. My grandmothers certainly seemed to have travelled far across Middle Earth.
*&*
I woke next morning in my rooms, though I scarce remember getting there. Once dressed I went to search out the Lady Galadriel, for I knew in my heart what I must do, though I would need her help, if only to keep Legolas distracted, for he would forbid me to go, or worse, would insist on accompanying me.
I found her in the centre of a birch grove, waiting for me. She smiled and took my hand, turning it over. In the centre was a small marking, pale against the rest of my skin. It was a sun, in the style of the suns of Mordor, and I knew how it had come to be there.
"So you came to the Queen." Galadriel said. I nodded.
"She was mad with despair."
"And yet, you cured her, that she may pass." Galadriel released my hand. "I know what it is you must do, though I do not advise it."
"I must go." I said insistently.
"Indeed, though evading the prince will not be easy." She smiled knowingly.
"For that I need your aid."
"Yes. If you can wait for a few days, a feast can be arranged, and the prince can be made drunk, that he wakes not early enough to prevent your departure."
This way seemed cold and almost cruel to me, but I could think of no other way to keep Legolas out of my way long enough for me to leave, and be far enough away that he did not follow.
"Very well." I agreed. Galadriel smiled and departed, leaving me alone in the birch grove. A strange emptiness filled me, and I sank to the floor under the great birch, and leaned against its trunk.
I was having second thoughts about my quest. It seemed at once prideful and foolish, though I was still driven to it. It would take me many months, and I approached my thirty sixth birthday even now. And there was always the large possibility I could be caught, and perhaps killed. Then the line of Queens would be ended - Andel was the closest relative, and nearest to the throne after me. But she was old; much too old for childbearing, and would probably be dead before the throne passed back to the line of queens. Then what would befall Mordor? The Queens would be dead, all because of a stupid mission I felt I had to take.
"Perilous it may be, but stupid it isn't. The remaining free peoples of Mordor have all but forgotten the tales of the Queens, and of Anorondor. They must remember you, and be ready for you when you need them." The voice at my side made me jump. A young girl with reddish-blonde hair and blue eyes sat beside me. She was not elven kind, but mortal, though I could see signs of the Queens in her: her blue eyes, her slender figure. And at her throat she wore the sun pendant, even as it hung around my neck.
"Who are you?" I asked.
"Bria." The girl answered with a smile. I remembered not a queen with that name, though I knew of two with names similar.
"I am not a Queen of the past, but perhaps a Queen of the future, if all goes well." She said with a smile. Her smile had the same quality that many elven smiles had, and I wondered at it. "Be brave, mother. The people are waiting for your call. But remember the eye, for it waits and prepares for the times to come. Do not let it see you!" she warned. Then she kissed me on the cheek and was gone, and I was left staring at the place where she had been sitting. I wondered at her calling me mother, but then I called many of my ancestors mother, because if you went back far enough they were, though they had many children before me, so perhaps it was not so strange.
"Jané?" I looked up to see Legolas standing hesitantly at the edge of the birches. "I heard voices."
"The trees talking." I said, standing. "You are well, this morning?"
"I am. And you? You looked overly pale last night." He came towards me and touched my cheek.
"I am well enough." I said with a smile. "Thank you for helping me to my sleeping rooms."
"You're welcome." He paused and took a deep breath. "Jané, what was that...thing last night?" he asked.
"Have you never seen a ghost before?" I teased. He shook his head. "Neither have I." He looked at me, surprised. "But I don't doubt that that is what it was. The ghost of Queen Janira who died here in Lothlorien thousands of years ago."
"Why did she try to kill you? How did she nearly succeed, if she was ghost?" Legolas pressed.
"I suppose its because I'm her great granddaughter. She was mad with grief for her three dead daughters, Legolas. Its unsurprising that she did not appreciate me insisting that the line lived, when to her, it had died." Legolas cocked his head in understanding.
"I can see how that would infuriate her." He said. He held out his arm. "Walk with me?" I nodded and took it. "So what did you do at Denarssa for twenty three years?"
"All about Mordor of old, songs, customs and all the rest of it. About the Queens and their children, and about how they ruled and lived. How to do magic-"
"Magic?" Legolas asked warily.
"Manipulating the weather, weak minds, and cloaking ourselves and others from the sight of others. That sort of thing."
"Ah." Legolas said no more, but I could tell something had disturbed him.
"What is it?" I asked.
"You manipulate minds?"
"As a rule, no. but I know how to, and the mind has to be weak anyway, and it also helps if someone wants to be manipulated."
"How could someone want to be manipulated?" Legolas burst out. I started laughing.
"That is exactly why it would not work on you!" I exclaimed through my laughter. He turned to face me, and held my shoulders.
"Even if you wanted to?" he asked softly. My laughter stilled, as I stared at him. "Why was I brought to you in Denarssa?" he asked. I didn't know what to say. "Tell me, Jané. Why was I brought to you in Denarssa?" I opened my mouth to say something, though I didn't know what to say. "Tell me!" he whispered furiously, and I suddenly realised he knew, or at least had guessed.
"Part of...part of what they were teaching me at Denarssa was to manipulate people...men. I had been taught how to...seduce men, and they were making me practice." I was unable to meet Legolas' eyes. "They felt I had succeeded at being able to seduce men, and so they sent an elf to me, because they said elves had different effects on you. But the moment they showed you in, I...I couldn't." I hung my head, and Legolas pushed me away and stormed to the other side of the small area we were in. I lifted my head to stare at his retreating back. "I'm sorry Legolas! I didn't know they would send you!" I cried out.
"So any other elf would have done, would they?" Legolas turned to face me, and I took a step back, and my back hit a tree.
"No! I mean...I don't know. I didn't feel for any of them - it was simply another exercise. Like building a flet. You don't think of the feelings of the wood you use." I floundered.
"You didn't feel for any of them? What about me?" he took two steps towards me.
"I don't understand-" Legolas came towards me faster than I could move away and pressed his lips down on mine. He devoured my mouth hungrily, with his hands on either side of my face. When he drew back for air, his eyes had darkened, and a pink flush was high on his cheekbones.
"It was because of you..." Legolas kissed me again, and all thought of what I had been in the middle of saying fled my mind. I had loved him for twenty years, and while half of me rejoiced at the feeling of his lips on mine, the other half worried that it was simply lust on his part, and I simply an object, just as the men I had seduced had been to me.
"Legolas." I gasped out, though I think it came out as more of a moan than anything else. "Please, Legolas. Stop." Legolas pulled back from me, and stared at me a moment, then something changed in his eyes.
"Valar, Jané! I'm so sorry!" he turned and began to walk away.
"Legolas! Stop!" I hurried after him, straightening my hair and dress, which his wandering hands had dishevelled. He paused a moment, but did not turn. I came so I stood before him, but he refused to meet my eyes. So I did the only thing I could think of and rose up on my toes and kissed him lightly. He started back.
"Jané, don't. Just...don't." then he turned and disappeared into the forest. I stood silent for a moment, then turned and headed back to the main dwelling.
*&*
Galadriel needn't have worried about holding a feast, as that night Legolas drank until he was truly drunk. Haldir and I helped him back to his sleeping place, and laid him gently on the bed. He looked peaceful I touched him hair, and his hand grabbed my wrist, and yanked me forward. I fell across the bed, bracing myself on my arm.
"Jané, I'm...sorry for what happened." He said in my ear. I nodded.
"So am I, Legolas. I..." I trailed off. He was asleep.
"Jané, everything's ready, and you need sleep. It isn't the easiest of journeys." Haldir said, laying a hand on my shoulder. I nodded, and kissed Legolas' forehead. Then I turned and went back to my own sleeping place, where I gratefully sank onto the bed and then into sweet oblivion.