We brought deep into Mirkwood, down secret paths, and through the dark
dense trees. Eventually we came to the palace of Mirkwood in the centre of
the trees, and were brought before the king. And sat beside the king was
the one elf I would have liked to avoid.
I cant imagine what Legolas must have thought of me then - thin and bedraggled with bandages around my hands and shielding a whimpering...something with my cloak.
"My lord, we found them on the borders of the forest. They refused to give us names, though she carries items from both Lothlorien and Rivendell, yet she is not elven-kind." The captain said. King Thranduil stood. We had never met, despite Rivendell and Mirkwood's close relations. It had always been Aragorn who rode from Rivendell, and word said Thranduil was loathe to leave his forest.
"Since you would not tell my captain, perhaps you will tell me." He looked at us both. Smeagol cowered behind my cloak and I stared back defiantly, avoiding Legolas' clear blue gaze.
"I shall ask you one last time. What are your names?" he thundered, and yet I said nothing. Perhaps my trip to Mordor had made me over confident and reckless.
"Very well. You both shall be in separate dungeons until one of you sees fit to talk." Two guards grabbed us, and separated us. Smeagol sobbed, and I glared. Then I made the mistake of looking at Legolas as we were dragged away.
"Her name is Eldira Jané, and she grew up in Rivendell under the fosterage of Lord Elrond." Legolas said in a quiet, even voice.
"Stop!" Thranduil ordered. "Bring them back here." And back we went. "Is it now?" he asked me. I said nothing. Legolas rose and stepped down from the dais towards me. He stood in front of me.
"What are you trying to do?" he asked me in a soft voice. "What do you hope to gain?" he asked. And as he said it, I suddenly realised how ridiculous I was being. I cared not whether Thranduil knew my name or my business - it was nothing I was ashamed of.
"It's true." I said, addressing King Thranduil, and disregarding Legolas. "I am Eldira Jané, fostered in Rivendell with Aragorn son of Arathorn."
"And what business had you in Mirkwood?" asked the king.
"None. We were not in Mirkwood. I was not aware your kingdom included the Brown Lands, or we would have taken another route. We were headed for the north pass through the Misty Mountains."
"And where on from there?" Thranduil asked.
"We had not yet fixed a destination." I answered. "Do not be cruel to Smeagol, he has done you no harm." Thranduil looked at Smeagol and wrinkled his nose.
"Take this...Smeagol to the dungeons. I would have a word with you and my son." I followed Thranduil and Legolas into a side room, and I could hear Smeagol yelling and crying on his way to the dungeons.
"Why do you treat him like this?" I protested, holding out my hands imploringly. "What harm has he done you?"
"None, as of yet. But I don't trust him, Lady Eldira, and the dungeons are not such a dank and horrible place as you would believe."
"He looks like he's suffered much worse anyway, Jané." Legolas added.
"And that's a good reason, is it Legolas?" I snapped.
"You two seem...acquainted." Thranduil said. "You know each other well?"
"We met often in Rivendell." I answered, "Since the prince was such a good friend of my brother Aragorn."
"I was not aware Aragorn had a sister." Thranduil said.
"She was fostered with them when she was found wandering in the valley alone when she was a young child." Legolas said.
"Indeed. And why were you travelling with such a creature?" The king asked.
"He helped me a few months back, and I was in the process of returning the favour when we ran into your men." Thranduil nodded.
"Legolas, could you show Lady Eldira to some guest quarters, and call a servant to help her please? I have business to deal with."
*&*
Legolas did, and we walked in sullen silence the entire way. Once we reached the door that had been designated as mine, Legolas turned to me.
"I'm sorry, but I would not like to see you in dungeons." He said. I smiled slightly.
"I was being ridiculous anyway. How are you, anyway?"
"Well." Legolas said with a laugh. He took my hands and frowned. "What happened to your hands?" "I'm not altogether sure what happened to them, but now they have sore red suns on the palms." He looked more carefully at the bandages. They were black, parts of fabric I'd scavenged of orc armour.
"Orc fabric - you didn't! tell me you didn't."
"I didn't." I said obediently, but Legolas narrowed his eyes at me. He opened the door to the chamber, a rather attractive room, and pushed me inside. He shut the door firmly.
"What, by the Valar, were you doing in Mordor?" Legolas asked. "When you left Lorien, I had no idea where you had gone!"
"I know." I looked at the floor. "I didn't want you to overreact."
"Overreact!" Legolas cried. He took my shoulders in his hands. "Look at you! Despite all outward dangers, orcs and Valar knows what else, you are starving! You are thinner that I have ever seen you, and you are a mess."
His comments annoyed me. Obviously I knew I looked a mess, but I can look after myself. And contrary to what he seemed to believe, I was not starving. I had eaten less and exercised more than usual, and the climate of Mordor as it is now is not good for anyone. Of course I was thinner and looked a mess. Unlike the elves, I can not ride into battle, or spend eight months rock climbing, and still look immaculate.
"Thank you for your concern!" I said sarcastically. "I hadn't noticed I was a mess, thank you for informing me." Legolas let me go.
"I didn't mean that...Elbereth, Jané, you do not know what went through my head when I saw you brought in with that...that thing."
"His name is Smeagol and he is no more a thing than you are!" I snapped
"Smeagol then. People worry about you, Jané, and you don't seem to realise that."
"I realise." I said softly. I touched Legolas' shoulder. He confused me so much. I knew that I loved him, but as I grow older it gets so much more complicated. As a child and as an adolescent my love was a simple thing, but as I get older, it gets so much more complex. And sometimes I hate him for making me feel the way I do, and the way that when he smiles I forget that I'm trying to hate him. "But I cannot sit at home and do nothing, you know this."
"I know. Believe me, I know. I've seen what it does to your temperament. But you could at least be more careful, for yourself and for the sakes of others that care for you." I nodded.
"I know, and I'm sorry." He smiled at me, and I smiled back, and there was a knock on the door. "Come in." I called. The door opened, and a servant stuck her head around it.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt."
"You're not." I said with a smile, stepping away from Legolas.
"I'll leave you to get ready." Legolas said, turning to go. I caught his arm.
"For what?" I asked.
"Dinner of course." Legolas said with a sly smile. I closed my eyes and prayed for patience.
*&*
When I opened them again, he had gone. I turned to the maid, who was disappearing into the room, and drawing water for a bath.
"Why does he do this to me?" I asked her. She smiled at me.
"Because he likes you miss." The servant said.
"Hmm. If he really liked me, he wouldn't subject me to this. What's your name?"
"Eilan." She said, with a small curtsey.
"Glad to meet you. And glad to see a bath. It has been far too long."
"It's ready, Lady Jané." The servant began to undo my dress at the back. The ties were welded with sweat and mud, since I had not taken the dress off for months, disgusting as the thought was. Eventually Eilan had to cut the ties, and practically peel the dress from me.
I stepped into the water, and relished the feeling of the water washing away the grime of Mordor.
"You're so thin!" Eilan gasped. I looked down. My hips and ribs stuck out, and my stomach went in by an unhealthy amount.
"I've not had enough food for a long time, Eilan. But don't tell Legolas I said so. He worries incessantly."
"He cares for you, Lady Jané."
"It's just Jané. The Lady is a title that people just tend to give me. Just ask Legolas. I'm no lady."
"If you say so." Eilan said with a smile. "I shall go find you a dress. Your old one would be better burnt." I nodded.
"Probably."
*&*
The bath was just the right temperature, and the surface was liberally sprinkled with red and white fresh rose petals, which gave off a heavenly scent. I ducked my head under, and began scrubbing my raggedy hair clean. It had practically formed dreadlocks, it had gone without combing for so long. I washed my hair with the soap Eilan had left out., and was just considering getting out when there was a knock, and a male elf walked in.
"Hey!" I exclaimed, sinking deeper under the rose petals, and letting my loose black hair float around my body so that I was not completely on show.
"Oh Elbereth, I do beg your pardon!" the elf exclaimed, wheeling around and covering his eyes.
"What are you doing in here?" I demanded.
"Looking for Eilan. I heard she was in here getting the room ready for a guest. I am sorry."
"Who are you?" I asked. He turned, eyes tightly closed, and bowed. Then he turned back around.
"I am Deiran." He answered. "The resident bard, story teller and other entertaining amuser. May I be so bold to ask your name, fair lady?"
"I am Eldira Jané." I said with a small laugh. He stiffened. "What is it?"
"I have heard that name before, a long time ago. Named for your mother, were you?" I nodded before I remembered there was no way he could see me.
"Yes. But how did you-"
"I knew your mother, beautiful woman that she was." That minute, the door opened, and Eilan walked in.
"Deiran! Get out!" she screeched.
"My lady." Deiran said over his shoulder. Then he walked out.
"Oh, Lady Jané!" Eilan said. "I am so sorry. He did not-"
"Of course not!" I said, laughing. "He was quite gentlemanly about the entire thing."
"Was he, indeed." Eilan murmured. "Out you come." She held out a towel, and I stepped into it. I could see the large amount of grime and dirt in the bath and felt slightly ill. "Follow me." I followed, and she opened the door to another room with yet another bath. "If you just get in that, to rinse all the rest of the grime off, and I can get your dress ready." I saw the bundle of forest green silk in her arms, and nodded. I stepped into the second bath, and languished in the warm water.
Eventually, Eilan returned, and then helped me into the green silk. It had a square neck, and a smooth fitted bodice. The skirt felt in even folds to the floor, and felt lighter than ordinary silk.
"Spider silk, this is." Eilan said as she tied it up the back. "Legolas wanted you to have it. Though the one he asked me to give you would have been too large, you being as skinny as you are." She said matter-of- factly. She sat me in front of the mirror that sat on the table, and began combing my hair. It was a long job, and as she combed I stared at my reflection. Even my face was thinner, the high cheekbones more prominent that usual. My skin was as pale as it had always been, though my green eyes were sunken in their sockets, the dark lashes rimming them with black. My lips were cracked and sore.
"Done. I'll just leave it down though." Eilan ran the brush through my hair and my hair shone black-blue in the fading light from the large windows. She pulled me to my feet and pushed me in front of the full length mirror, and I could see how truly skinny I was. I had always been thin, and small, something Aragorn had always taken advantage of when we were children, but now I was truly skinny. And small. Eilan was at least two inches taller than me, and she was not huge. I barely came up to Legolas' shoulder.
*&*
There was a knock on the door and Eilan answered it. Legolas stood there, dressed in a richly embroidered pale green tunic. He smiled at Eilan, then saw me, and his smile slipped from his face.
"What's wrong?" I asked, worried.
"You're thinner than I thought." Legolas said, taking great strides into the room. He put his hands on my waist, and found his fingers and thumbs could meet on either side of my waist. He let go of my waist and touched my hair, and leaned his forehead against mine.
"Why do you do this to yourself?" he asked harshly. I put my hands on either side of his face and ran my thumb along his cheekbone. He inhaled sharply.
"I do not do it on purpose, Legolas." I said quietly. "But there was something I needed to do in Mordor, and it has been done and is over."
"Promise me you wont go back." Legolas said urgently. I frowned.
"You know I cannot." I said.
"Do not return while Sauron still rules there." Legolas amended. I nodded slowly
"I will not."
"Promise me!" he hissed. Then I nodded.
"I promise." He let go of me with a smile.
"Come, its time for dinner."
*&*
I had been in Mirkwood for a few days when thoughts of Smeagol returned to my mind. I found my way into the dungeons, but I was blocked at the doorway by two guards.
"You can't go down there, milady." One said. I nodded.
"I have a friend, Smeagol. He's down there, and I was wondering how he was."
"We don't know of any Smeagol," the other guard said.
"He makes a noise in his throat that sounds that he's saying Gollum." I said, trying to help their memory.
"Ah, I know who you mean, the poor wretch who keeps saying he's hungry."
"I don't know how he can be hungry." The other guard said. "he has the same food as everyone else, but he wont touch it." I looked from one to the other.
"what does he get to eat?" I asked.
"Bread, vegetables, fried fish." One said with a shrug.
"I know why he's hungry then." I said. "He doesn't eat cooked food."
"Why not? Its perfectly good food." One said.
"He's not had it for so long he's forgotten what it's like." I said. "Look. I'll arrange for some raw fish to be brought down, and we'll see if he'll take it." I smiled brightly at them, then headed back to the kitchen to arrange it.
Three hours later, I had a bucket in hand with a couple of fish in it, and I was back at the doors to the dungeons. The guards, when they saw I had done as I said I would, let me pass, and led me down into the deeper dungeons, and as we got closer, I could hear Smeagol's anguished cries. They pointed at a door and I nodded, shivering even in my green velvet dress. Green seemed to be the only colour Mirkwood elves wore.
I knocked on the door. "Smeagol?" I called.
"We're hungry, precious! Famished, we are."
"Smeagol I've got some food for you." I said, through the small window in the door.
"Ugh! Nasty Elf food. Tries to poison us, lady does, doesn't she, precious, eh? Yes, my precious, she does."
"No, Smeagol." I said soothingly. "I have fish, and I haven't let the elves ruin it for you. I know one of them is still alive." I glanced down at the bucket, where one fish still swam in tight circles, and the other was on the bottom. "I think the other might be dead. But they're fresh, Smeagol." There was a small sound, and suddenly Smeagol's face was right up against the bars.
"Really, precious? Did lady really bring us food?" he asked. I laughed.
"I did, Smeagol. But you'll have to move back, or the guards wont let me in."
"Nasty elfses!" Smeagol spat, but he moved away. The guards opened the door, and backed Smeagol into a corner with their spear points. I walked past them and put the bucket before Smeagol.
"You see, I told you I brought you good fish." I said. Smeagol laughed happily and bounced up and down.
"Food!" he crowed. "Lady brought us food, my precious. She did, she did." I backed away, and the guards went with me. I could hear Smeagol tearing at the food behind me, and I shuddered, and hurried up back to the light of Mirkwood.
*&*
I spent the next eight years in Mirkwood, though it seemed hardly any time at all. The forest was timeless, and it was difficult to keep track of time. The elves hardly bothered, as time was of no consequence of them, having eternity to live their lives.
Legolas and I grew to be fast friends, and I loved him still, even as I had for the last thirty-five years. I spent a lot of the time riding with Legolas, or constantly asking for favours for Smeagol: that he was allowed to come up once in a while to see the sunlight, that kind of thing. I think Thranduil found my constant campaigning for Smeagol's welfare amusing, though sometimes I felt that even though I lived in beautiful rooms, I was as much a prisoner as Smeagol was.
*&*
Legolas and I were walking along the edge of the forest one time when we heard shouts. Legolas and I both ran in that direction, but when we got there, it was too late. Smeagol was swinging away through the trees like a monkey, singing, "Cant catch me, up in your tree, up in your tree, now I'm freeeeeee!"
"Smeagol!" I shouted. I started forward, but Legolas grabbed me from behind, holding on tight. "Smeagol, come back!" but he didn't listen, only kept singing his silly song.
"Jané! Stop struggling!" Legolas hissed. I ignored him, and he merely tightened his grip. It was so easy to forget how superior elves are to humans, because they look so similar. I was sure Legolas wasn't even exerting half his strength, and was yet keeping me completely immobilised. He tightened his grip further, until I could barely breathe, and I stopped struggling. He relaxed a little. Smeagol was completely out of sight and earshot. Legolas began to guide me back to the palace. He looked courteous while he was doing it, but he was using iron force. I could not have argued even had I wanted to.
"Why did he leave?" I asked out loud to no one in particular. "He was being treated well."
"Some people are better in the wild." Legolas said softly. I looked up at him and smiled. "Don't blame yourself for it, you couldn't have done anything, even had you been there."
"I know, but...argh! Its so frustrating!" I stamped my foot.
"Come on, Jané, it isn't that bad." I tilted my head in acquiescence.
"I know, but-"
"Just stop thinking about it. Come on." And Legolas led me back into the castle.
Two weeks later, I was packing. My presence after Smeagol's escape had birthed a rather lot of hard feelings. I understood perfectly that it was time to leave. Legolas couldn't seem to grasp this.
"You don't have to go!" he protested, getting in my way yet again as I carefully folded a sky blue under-dress and shoved it into the saddlebags.
"Come on, Legolas. You know I do. Stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about your kingdom. Since Smeagol left there's been a veritable wave of bad feelings towards me and your father for letting me stay. So I have to leave."
"But Jané..." he pleaded.
'But Jané nothing." I said sternly. I walked up to him, and held his face in my hands. He was much taller than I was. "I'm sorry our time here has come to an end, Legolas, but it is time for me to leave. It's not like we shall never see each other again." I said with a slight smile. He kissed me gently.
"I know. But I've gotten used to having you here. I love having you here, and I hate the idea of you wandering around, going places like Mordor, without taking proper care of yourself." He said.
"You cant stop me, Legolas. You'd be putting me in a prison if you tried, and I couldn't live like that. You know I couldn't."
"Where are you going to go?" Legolas asked me.
"I thought maybe Gondor. I've not been there, and I hear the scenery's lovely." I said, as I shoved a blue dress into the bag and tightly fastened it. I picked up the brush from the vanity table and began brushing it, getting ready to plait it tightly for the journey south. Legolas took the silver brush from me, and pushed me towards the stool, where I sat. he brushed my hair, and I got the distinct feeling it was more than brushing as I watched him.
"Gondor?" Legolas asked absentmindedly as he ran his fingers through my hair.
"I thought so, yes." I smiled up at him, and he smiled back, though his eyes were fixed on my hair. I played with the sun pendant on the gold chain at my throat nervously.
"You will come back to me, wont you?" he asked suddenly, putting the brush down and turning me to face him. He knelt before me, taking my hands. I squeezed his hands.
"I'll never have left you, Legolas." I said with a smile. Then I sobered. "Truly, Legolas. I'll be alright."
"Promise me!" he whispered fiercely, his grip painful on my hands. "Promise you'll come back to me!"
"I promise, Legolas." I leaned forward so our foreheads touched. "I couldn't leave you even if I wanted." Legolas tilted his head so our lips met. His hands framed my face as he held me to him. "Love you." I whispered, and I regretted it the moment it was out, because I knew he had heard it, and the secret I had kept so well for thirty-five years was out.
He stood and pulled me up with him. I refused to meet his gaze. "I'm sorry." I whispered. "I didn't mean..."
His lips against mine silenced me as he kissed me hard, possessively. His long fingers twined in my hair, and I gripped his shoulders with all the strength of a drowning woman. When he pulled away for air his eyes were a bright blue. He pulled me into his arms and held on tight, holding me against him as I buried my face in his shoulder.
"You do not know how long..." he murmured into my hair. I laughed softly.
"Thirty-five years, Legolas. It's been thirty-five years since you ruined my life." He pulled away sharply, and he stared searchingly at me.
"Ruined your life?" he asked harshly. I shook my head.
"Not like that." I said. "Legolas, stop. Just stop." I could see him winding himself up, as he had a tendency to do. "I love you." I said softly, and he lifted my chin with a finger so he could see my eyes.
"Love you too." He whispered, and then he ducked his head, kissing me again. Then he pulled back, and picked up the hairbrush, pushing me back onto the stool. I watched as he quickly and elaborately plaited my hair, so the front parts were braided back away from my face, and joined in a thicker plait that hung down my back, along with the rest of my loose hair.
"I can't travel like this!" I said with a laugh. "It's get ruined, and then where'll I be?"
"Back here to get it fixed." Legolas murmured with a sly smile on his face. I hit him on the shoulder.
"Legolas, truly." I said.
"Very well." He said, and undid my hair, and redid it so it was plaited in a crown around my head. I looked in the mirror.
"That is wonderful." I said with a smile. "Thank you."
"Of course. Come on, if you want to leave today, you should get going, or you'll barely be on the outskirts of Mirkwood by nightfall." He said, picking up the saddlebags and walking out the room.
I followed him, pulling on my blue suede riding gloves. and hurried so I walked by his side as we went through the great hall.
"Legolas!" We turned at the familiar call. Aragorn strode over, and then noticed me. "Jané! What are you doing here?"
"Leaving." I said with a slight smile. "Why are you here?"
"I'm meant to track the creature Gollum." He said. "Mithrandir says he should be recovered."
"You make it sound as though he's a lost pet instead of a free being." I snapped.
"You know this Gollum?" Aragorn asked.
"She arrived with him." Legolas said.
"But now I have to leave." I said hastily, as I could see Aragorn getting ready to bombard us with questions. Legolas nodded, and smiled at his friend, then headed for the stables. I kissed Aragorn on the cheek then headed after Legolas, Aragorn on my heels.
"Why are you leaving so suddenly?" Aragorn asked.
"I'm going to Gondor." I said.
"why?"
"I want to go, since I've never been. And I think it would be better for me to leave Mirkwood." I said.
"But why?" Aragorn pressed.
"Ask Legolas to explain the politics of it."
"I shall." Aragorn said.
"But not now!" I added hastily. I helped Legolas ready my horse, who had somehow found her way from Lothlorien to here is safety. I petted her nose and turned to Legolas, who hugged me, then kissed me.
"Be safe." He whispered. I touched his cheek and smiled.
"Always." I replied. He gave me a leg up, and I swung into the saddle, settling my skirts around me. "Take care." I said. "Farewell." I rode out of the stables at a canter, and the last thing I heard was Aragorn.
"So what was that all about?"
I cant imagine what Legolas must have thought of me then - thin and bedraggled with bandages around my hands and shielding a whimpering...something with my cloak.
"My lord, we found them on the borders of the forest. They refused to give us names, though she carries items from both Lothlorien and Rivendell, yet she is not elven-kind." The captain said. King Thranduil stood. We had never met, despite Rivendell and Mirkwood's close relations. It had always been Aragorn who rode from Rivendell, and word said Thranduil was loathe to leave his forest.
"Since you would not tell my captain, perhaps you will tell me." He looked at us both. Smeagol cowered behind my cloak and I stared back defiantly, avoiding Legolas' clear blue gaze.
"I shall ask you one last time. What are your names?" he thundered, and yet I said nothing. Perhaps my trip to Mordor had made me over confident and reckless.
"Very well. You both shall be in separate dungeons until one of you sees fit to talk." Two guards grabbed us, and separated us. Smeagol sobbed, and I glared. Then I made the mistake of looking at Legolas as we were dragged away.
"Her name is Eldira Jané, and she grew up in Rivendell under the fosterage of Lord Elrond." Legolas said in a quiet, even voice.
"Stop!" Thranduil ordered. "Bring them back here." And back we went. "Is it now?" he asked me. I said nothing. Legolas rose and stepped down from the dais towards me. He stood in front of me.
"What are you trying to do?" he asked me in a soft voice. "What do you hope to gain?" he asked. And as he said it, I suddenly realised how ridiculous I was being. I cared not whether Thranduil knew my name or my business - it was nothing I was ashamed of.
"It's true." I said, addressing King Thranduil, and disregarding Legolas. "I am Eldira Jané, fostered in Rivendell with Aragorn son of Arathorn."
"And what business had you in Mirkwood?" asked the king.
"None. We were not in Mirkwood. I was not aware your kingdom included the Brown Lands, or we would have taken another route. We were headed for the north pass through the Misty Mountains."
"And where on from there?" Thranduil asked.
"We had not yet fixed a destination." I answered. "Do not be cruel to Smeagol, he has done you no harm." Thranduil looked at Smeagol and wrinkled his nose.
"Take this...Smeagol to the dungeons. I would have a word with you and my son." I followed Thranduil and Legolas into a side room, and I could hear Smeagol yelling and crying on his way to the dungeons.
"Why do you treat him like this?" I protested, holding out my hands imploringly. "What harm has he done you?"
"None, as of yet. But I don't trust him, Lady Eldira, and the dungeons are not such a dank and horrible place as you would believe."
"He looks like he's suffered much worse anyway, Jané." Legolas added.
"And that's a good reason, is it Legolas?" I snapped.
"You two seem...acquainted." Thranduil said. "You know each other well?"
"We met often in Rivendell." I answered, "Since the prince was such a good friend of my brother Aragorn."
"I was not aware Aragorn had a sister." Thranduil said.
"She was fostered with them when she was found wandering in the valley alone when she was a young child." Legolas said.
"Indeed. And why were you travelling with such a creature?" The king asked.
"He helped me a few months back, and I was in the process of returning the favour when we ran into your men." Thranduil nodded.
"Legolas, could you show Lady Eldira to some guest quarters, and call a servant to help her please? I have business to deal with."
*&*
Legolas did, and we walked in sullen silence the entire way. Once we reached the door that had been designated as mine, Legolas turned to me.
"I'm sorry, but I would not like to see you in dungeons." He said. I smiled slightly.
"I was being ridiculous anyway. How are you, anyway?"
"Well." Legolas said with a laugh. He took my hands and frowned. "What happened to your hands?" "I'm not altogether sure what happened to them, but now they have sore red suns on the palms." He looked more carefully at the bandages. They were black, parts of fabric I'd scavenged of orc armour.
"Orc fabric - you didn't! tell me you didn't."
"I didn't." I said obediently, but Legolas narrowed his eyes at me. He opened the door to the chamber, a rather attractive room, and pushed me inside. He shut the door firmly.
"What, by the Valar, were you doing in Mordor?" Legolas asked. "When you left Lorien, I had no idea where you had gone!"
"I know." I looked at the floor. "I didn't want you to overreact."
"Overreact!" Legolas cried. He took my shoulders in his hands. "Look at you! Despite all outward dangers, orcs and Valar knows what else, you are starving! You are thinner that I have ever seen you, and you are a mess."
His comments annoyed me. Obviously I knew I looked a mess, but I can look after myself. And contrary to what he seemed to believe, I was not starving. I had eaten less and exercised more than usual, and the climate of Mordor as it is now is not good for anyone. Of course I was thinner and looked a mess. Unlike the elves, I can not ride into battle, or spend eight months rock climbing, and still look immaculate.
"Thank you for your concern!" I said sarcastically. "I hadn't noticed I was a mess, thank you for informing me." Legolas let me go.
"I didn't mean that...Elbereth, Jané, you do not know what went through my head when I saw you brought in with that...that thing."
"His name is Smeagol and he is no more a thing than you are!" I snapped
"Smeagol then. People worry about you, Jané, and you don't seem to realise that."
"I realise." I said softly. I touched Legolas' shoulder. He confused me so much. I knew that I loved him, but as I grow older it gets so much more complicated. As a child and as an adolescent my love was a simple thing, but as I get older, it gets so much more complex. And sometimes I hate him for making me feel the way I do, and the way that when he smiles I forget that I'm trying to hate him. "But I cannot sit at home and do nothing, you know this."
"I know. Believe me, I know. I've seen what it does to your temperament. But you could at least be more careful, for yourself and for the sakes of others that care for you." I nodded.
"I know, and I'm sorry." He smiled at me, and I smiled back, and there was a knock on the door. "Come in." I called. The door opened, and a servant stuck her head around it.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt."
"You're not." I said with a smile, stepping away from Legolas.
"I'll leave you to get ready." Legolas said, turning to go. I caught his arm.
"For what?" I asked.
"Dinner of course." Legolas said with a sly smile. I closed my eyes and prayed for patience.
*&*
When I opened them again, he had gone. I turned to the maid, who was disappearing into the room, and drawing water for a bath.
"Why does he do this to me?" I asked her. She smiled at me.
"Because he likes you miss." The servant said.
"Hmm. If he really liked me, he wouldn't subject me to this. What's your name?"
"Eilan." She said, with a small curtsey.
"Glad to meet you. And glad to see a bath. It has been far too long."
"It's ready, Lady Jané." The servant began to undo my dress at the back. The ties were welded with sweat and mud, since I had not taken the dress off for months, disgusting as the thought was. Eventually Eilan had to cut the ties, and practically peel the dress from me.
I stepped into the water, and relished the feeling of the water washing away the grime of Mordor.
"You're so thin!" Eilan gasped. I looked down. My hips and ribs stuck out, and my stomach went in by an unhealthy amount.
"I've not had enough food for a long time, Eilan. But don't tell Legolas I said so. He worries incessantly."
"He cares for you, Lady Jané."
"It's just Jané. The Lady is a title that people just tend to give me. Just ask Legolas. I'm no lady."
"If you say so." Eilan said with a smile. "I shall go find you a dress. Your old one would be better burnt." I nodded.
"Probably."
*&*
The bath was just the right temperature, and the surface was liberally sprinkled with red and white fresh rose petals, which gave off a heavenly scent. I ducked my head under, and began scrubbing my raggedy hair clean. It had practically formed dreadlocks, it had gone without combing for so long. I washed my hair with the soap Eilan had left out., and was just considering getting out when there was a knock, and a male elf walked in.
"Hey!" I exclaimed, sinking deeper under the rose petals, and letting my loose black hair float around my body so that I was not completely on show.
"Oh Elbereth, I do beg your pardon!" the elf exclaimed, wheeling around and covering his eyes.
"What are you doing in here?" I demanded.
"Looking for Eilan. I heard she was in here getting the room ready for a guest. I am sorry."
"Who are you?" I asked. He turned, eyes tightly closed, and bowed. Then he turned back around.
"I am Deiran." He answered. "The resident bard, story teller and other entertaining amuser. May I be so bold to ask your name, fair lady?"
"I am Eldira Jané." I said with a small laugh. He stiffened. "What is it?"
"I have heard that name before, a long time ago. Named for your mother, were you?" I nodded before I remembered there was no way he could see me.
"Yes. But how did you-"
"I knew your mother, beautiful woman that she was." That minute, the door opened, and Eilan walked in.
"Deiran! Get out!" she screeched.
"My lady." Deiran said over his shoulder. Then he walked out.
"Oh, Lady Jané!" Eilan said. "I am so sorry. He did not-"
"Of course not!" I said, laughing. "He was quite gentlemanly about the entire thing."
"Was he, indeed." Eilan murmured. "Out you come." She held out a towel, and I stepped into it. I could see the large amount of grime and dirt in the bath and felt slightly ill. "Follow me." I followed, and she opened the door to another room with yet another bath. "If you just get in that, to rinse all the rest of the grime off, and I can get your dress ready." I saw the bundle of forest green silk in her arms, and nodded. I stepped into the second bath, and languished in the warm water.
Eventually, Eilan returned, and then helped me into the green silk. It had a square neck, and a smooth fitted bodice. The skirt felt in even folds to the floor, and felt lighter than ordinary silk.
"Spider silk, this is." Eilan said as she tied it up the back. "Legolas wanted you to have it. Though the one he asked me to give you would have been too large, you being as skinny as you are." She said matter-of- factly. She sat me in front of the mirror that sat on the table, and began combing my hair. It was a long job, and as she combed I stared at my reflection. Even my face was thinner, the high cheekbones more prominent that usual. My skin was as pale as it had always been, though my green eyes were sunken in their sockets, the dark lashes rimming them with black. My lips were cracked and sore.
"Done. I'll just leave it down though." Eilan ran the brush through my hair and my hair shone black-blue in the fading light from the large windows. She pulled me to my feet and pushed me in front of the full length mirror, and I could see how truly skinny I was. I had always been thin, and small, something Aragorn had always taken advantage of when we were children, but now I was truly skinny. And small. Eilan was at least two inches taller than me, and she was not huge. I barely came up to Legolas' shoulder.
*&*
There was a knock on the door and Eilan answered it. Legolas stood there, dressed in a richly embroidered pale green tunic. He smiled at Eilan, then saw me, and his smile slipped from his face.
"What's wrong?" I asked, worried.
"You're thinner than I thought." Legolas said, taking great strides into the room. He put his hands on my waist, and found his fingers and thumbs could meet on either side of my waist. He let go of my waist and touched my hair, and leaned his forehead against mine.
"Why do you do this to yourself?" he asked harshly. I put my hands on either side of his face and ran my thumb along his cheekbone. He inhaled sharply.
"I do not do it on purpose, Legolas." I said quietly. "But there was something I needed to do in Mordor, and it has been done and is over."
"Promise me you wont go back." Legolas said urgently. I frowned.
"You know I cannot." I said.
"Do not return while Sauron still rules there." Legolas amended. I nodded slowly
"I will not."
"Promise me!" he hissed. Then I nodded.
"I promise." He let go of me with a smile.
"Come, its time for dinner."
*&*
I had been in Mirkwood for a few days when thoughts of Smeagol returned to my mind. I found my way into the dungeons, but I was blocked at the doorway by two guards.
"You can't go down there, milady." One said. I nodded.
"I have a friend, Smeagol. He's down there, and I was wondering how he was."
"We don't know of any Smeagol," the other guard said.
"He makes a noise in his throat that sounds that he's saying Gollum." I said, trying to help their memory.
"Ah, I know who you mean, the poor wretch who keeps saying he's hungry."
"I don't know how he can be hungry." The other guard said. "he has the same food as everyone else, but he wont touch it." I looked from one to the other.
"what does he get to eat?" I asked.
"Bread, vegetables, fried fish." One said with a shrug.
"I know why he's hungry then." I said. "He doesn't eat cooked food."
"Why not? Its perfectly good food." One said.
"He's not had it for so long he's forgotten what it's like." I said. "Look. I'll arrange for some raw fish to be brought down, and we'll see if he'll take it." I smiled brightly at them, then headed back to the kitchen to arrange it.
Three hours later, I had a bucket in hand with a couple of fish in it, and I was back at the doors to the dungeons. The guards, when they saw I had done as I said I would, let me pass, and led me down into the deeper dungeons, and as we got closer, I could hear Smeagol's anguished cries. They pointed at a door and I nodded, shivering even in my green velvet dress. Green seemed to be the only colour Mirkwood elves wore.
I knocked on the door. "Smeagol?" I called.
"We're hungry, precious! Famished, we are."
"Smeagol I've got some food for you." I said, through the small window in the door.
"Ugh! Nasty Elf food. Tries to poison us, lady does, doesn't she, precious, eh? Yes, my precious, she does."
"No, Smeagol." I said soothingly. "I have fish, and I haven't let the elves ruin it for you. I know one of them is still alive." I glanced down at the bucket, where one fish still swam in tight circles, and the other was on the bottom. "I think the other might be dead. But they're fresh, Smeagol." There was a small sound, and suddenly Smeagol's face was right up against the bars.
"Really, precious? Did lady really bring us food?" he asked. I laughed.
"I did, Smeagol. But you'll have to move back, or the guards wont let me in."
"Nasty elfses!" Smeagol spat, but he moved away. The guards opened the door, and backed Smeagol into a corner with their spear points. I walked past them and put the bucket before Smeagol.
"You see, I told you I brought you good fish." I said. Smeagol laughed happily and bounced up and down.
"Food!" he crowed. "Lady brought us food, my precious. She did, she did." I backed away, and the guards went with me. I could hear Smeagol tearing at the food behind me, and I shuddered, and hurried up back to the light of Mirkwood.
*&*
I spent the next eight years in Mirkwood, though it seemed hardly any time at all. The forest was timeless, and it was difficult to keep track of time. The elves hardly bothered, as time was of no consequence of them, having eternity to live their lives.
Legolas and I grew to be fast friends, and I loved him still, even as I had for the last thirty-five years. I spent a lot of the time riding with Legolas, or constantly asking for favours for Smeagol: that he was allowed to come up once in a while to see the sunlight, that kind of thing. I think Thranduil found my constant campaigning for Smeagol's welfare amusing, though sometimes I felt that even though I lived in beautiful rooms, I was as much a prisoner as Smeagol was.
*&*
Legolas and I were walking along the edge of the forest one time when we heard shouts. Legolas and I both ran in that direction, but when we got there, it was too late. Smeagol was swinging away through the trees like a monkey, singing, "Cant catch me, up in your tree, up in your tree, now I'm freeeeeee!"
"Smeagol!" I shouted. I started forward, but Legolas grabbed me from behind, holding on tight. "Smeagol, come back!" but he didn't listen, only kept singing his silly song.
"Jané! Stop struggling!" Legolas hissed. I ignored him, and he merely tightened his grip. It was so easy to forget how superior elves are to humans, because they look so similar. I was sure Legolas wasn't even exerting half his strength, and was yet keeping me completely immobilised. He tightened his grip further, until I could barely breathe, and I stopped struggling. He relaxed a little. Smeagol was completely out of sight and earshot. Legolas began to guide me back to the palace. He looked courteous while he was doing it, but he was using iron force. I could not have argued even had I wanted to.
"Why did he leave?" I asked out loud to no one in particular. "He was being treated well."
"Some people are better in the wild." Legolas said softly. I looked up at him and smiled. "Don't blame yourself for it, you couldn't have done anything, even had you been there."
"I know, but...argh! Its so frustrating!" I stamped my foot.
"Come on, Jané, it isn't that bad." I tilted my head in acquiescence.
"I know, but-"
"Just stop thinking about it. Come on." And Legolas led me back into the castle.
Two weeks later, I was packing. My presence after Smeagol's escape had birthed a rather lot of hard feelings. I understood perfectly that it was time to leave. Legolas couldn't seem to grasp this.
"You don't have to go!" he protested, getting in my way yet again as I carefully folded a sky blue under-dress and shoved it into the saddlebags.
"Come on, Legolas. You know I do. Stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about your kingdom. Since Smeagol left there's been a veritable wave of bad feelings towards me and your father for letting me stay. So I have to leave."
"But Jané..." he pleaded.
'But Jané nothing." I said sternly. I walked up to him, and held his face in my hands. He was much taller than I was. "I'm sorry our time here has come to an end, Legolas, but it is time for me to leave. It's not like we shall never see each other again." I said with a slight smile. He kissed me gently.
"I know. But I've gotten used to having you here. I love having you here, and I hate the idea of you wandering around, going places like Mordor, without taking proper care of yourself." He said.
"You cant stop me, Legolas. You'd be putting me in a prison if you tried, and I couldn't live like that. You know I couldn't."
"Where are you going to go?" Legolas asked me.
"I thought maybe Gondor. I've not been there, and I hear the scenery's lovely." I said, as I shoved a blue dress into the bag and tightly fastened it. I picked up the brush from the vanity table and began brushing it, getting ready to plait it tightly for the journey south. Legolas took the silver brush from me, and pushed me towards the stool, where I sat. he brushed my hair, and I got the distinct feeling it was more than brushing as I watched him.
"Gondor?" Legolas asked absentmindedly as he ran his fingers through my hair.
"I thought so, yes." I smiled up at him, and he smiled back, though his eyes were fixed on my hair. I played with the sun pendant on the gold chain at my throat nervously.
"You will come back to me, wont you?" he asked suddenly, putting the brush down and turning me to face him. He knelt before me, taking my hands. I squeezed his hands.
"I'll never have left you, Legolas." I said with a smile. Then I sobered. "Truly, Legolas. I'll be alright."
"Promise me!" he whispered fiercely, his grip painful on my hands. "Promise you'll come back to me!"
"I promise, Legolas." I leaned forward so our foreheads touched. "I couldn't leave you even if I wanted." Legolas tilted his head so our lips met. His hands framed my face as he held me to him. "Love you." I whispered, and I regretted it the moment it was out, because I knew he had heard it, and the secret I had kept so well for thirty-five years was out.
He stood and pulled me up with him. I refused to meet his gaze. "I'm sorry." I whispered. "I didn't mean..."
His lips against mine silenced me as he kissed me hard, possessively. His long fingers twined in my hair, and I gripped his shoulders with all the strength of a drowning woman. When he pulled away for air his eyes were a bright blue. He pulled me into his arms and held on tight, holding me against him as I buried my face in his shoulder.
"You do not know how long..." he murmured into my hair. I laughed softly.
"Thirty-five years, Legolas. It's been thirty-five years since you ruined my life." He pulled away sharply, and he stared searchingly at me.
"Ruined your life?" he asked harshly. I shook my head.
"Not like that." I said. "Legolas, stop. Just stop." I could see him winding himself up, as he had a tendency to do. "I love you." I said softly, and he lifted my chin with a finger so he could see my eyes.
"Love you too." He whispered, and then he ducked his head, kissing me again. Then he pulled back, and picked up the hairbrush, pushing me back onto the stool. I watched as he quickly and elaborately plaited my hair, so the front parts were braided back away from my face, and joined in a thicker plait that hung down my back, along with the rest of my loose hair.
"I can't travel like this!" I said with a laugh. "It's get ruined, and then where'll I be?"
"Back here to get it fixed." Legolas murmured with a sly smile on his face. I hit him on the shoulder.
"Legolas, truly." I said.
"Very well." He said, and undid my hair, and redid it so it was plaited in a crown around my head. I looked in the mirror.
"That is wonderful." I said with a smile. "Thank you."
"Of course. Come on, if you want to leave today, you should get going, or you'll barely be on the outskirts of Mirkwood by nightfall." He said, picking up the saddlebags and walking out the room.
I followed him, pulling on my blue suede riding gloves. and hurried so I walked by his side as we went through the great hall.
"Legolas!" We turned at the familiar call. Aragorn strode over, and then noticed me. "Jané! What are you doing here?"
"Leaving." I said with a slight smile. "Why are you here?"
"I'm meant to track the creature Gollum." He said. "Mithrandir says he should be recovered."
"You make it sound as though he's a lost pet instead of a free being." I snapped.
"You know this Gollum?" Aragorn asked.
"She arrived with him." Legolas said.
"But now I have to leave." I said hastily, as I could see Aragorn getting ready to bombard us with questions. Legolas nodded, and smiled at his friend, then headed for the stables. I kissed Aragorn on the cheek then headed after Legolas, Aragorn on my heels.
"Why are you leaving so suddenly?" Aragorn asked.
"I'm going to Gondor." I said.
"why?"
"I want to go, since I've never been. And I think it would be better for me to leave Mirkwood." I said.
"But why?" Aragorn pressed.
"Ask Legolas to explain the politics of it."
"I shall." Aragorn said.
"But not now!" I added hastily. I helped Legolas ready my horse, who had somehow found her way from Lothlorien to here is safety. I petted her nose and turned to Legolas, who hugged me, then kissed me.
"Be safe." He whispered. I touched his cheek and smiled.
"Always." I replied. He gave me a leg up, and I swung into the saddle, settling my skirts around me. "Take care." I said. "Farewell." I rode out of the stables at a canter, and the last thing I heard was Aragorn.
"So what was that all about?"