As the years passed, and Kera got older, this became more and more obvious.
Elrond began giving her lessons in controlling her sight, that she would
not be taken unawares by it at an inconvenient moment. And while she
learnt that, I learnt medicine from the great books in the library. And
between our learning, Kera and I often went out into the woods around
Rivendell, and I taught her about Anorondor of old, all that I had learnt
from her mother.
When she was seven, I decided that we were both ready to travel southeast, to Rohan, and to Edoras.
We went through the pass of Rohan, and past Isengard. But when she saw Isengard, she reigned in her horse and stopped, all colour gone from her face. I walked Enya back to her.
"What is it?" I asked.
"That's the tower from my dream." She said in a whisper. "With the great trees surrounding it, and then the great fiery cracks in the earth with all those horrible noises."
"Come, Kera." I said softly. "We pass onto Edoras, which is not far now." We had not travelled for a further five minutes when an old man dressed in white walked out of the wood to our left and stood before us.
"Where do you travel?" he asked. I glanced at Kera, who was now even paler than before.
"East." I answered him. "We have yet to decide on a destination. I am Anya, and this is my daughter Erin." I gave him false names, and shielded my mind from him. I distrusted everything about him.
"I am Saruman. Your daughter looks unwell." He said.
"I believe she ate something bad last night. It will pass." I answered easily. Saruman approached us, and Enya stamped. "Easy." I told her gently. She calmed. I tucked a stray bit of hair behind my ear, and while doing so, tucked my sun pendant into my dress, out of sight.
"I am skilled at healing. I would offer my services, if it might speed your journey?" He asked me. Kera kicked her horse forward.
"I am well, thank you. As mother said, it will pass." She said calmly. Saruman nodded. "Mother, we must be on" she told me. I nodded at her.
"Farewell, Saruman," I said.
"Farewell, Lady Anya." He called back. We urged our horses into a quick walk, and when we were round the corner, we kicked them into a trot, then canter, until we were far away from Isengard.
"He was horrible." Kera said with a shudder, slowing her horse to a walk.
"And to think he is the famed white wizard." I said. "Come, let us make haste farther into Rohan. Isengard still looms over us."
"Race you!" She called, and kicked her horse into a gallop.
"Fool of a girl!" I called back, laughing, and easily caught her up. We galloped across the rolling country of Rohan, laughing and calling. By the time dusk fell, we were far into Rohan.
We made camp in the shadow of some boulders by the hills. We had no fire, as I did not want to draw undue attention to us. We were quiet that night, which was unusual as we normally sang and danced and laughed like a pair of witless idiots.
The next morning, we found it well that we had been quiet. We found orc tracks not far at all from our campsite, and we both shuddered to think how close the orcs had been to us.
"How does the king let orcs roam his lands?" Kera asked from where she knelt by the tracks. I was stood up in my stirrups, shielding my eyes against the morning sun, and looking for any trace of the orcs.
"Rohan is a big place, and he has only so many men." I answered. Kera made a quick movement out of the corner of my eye.
"Jané. Look!" She exclaimed. I slid off Enya and knelt beside Kera. "They were dragging something." She said.
"More like someone." I corrected, tracing the indentation of the grass with my fingertips.
"We need to follow them." Kera said. I looked up, and she had that look in her eyes that she got when she had seen something.
"You sure?" I asked.
"Very. Come on." She leapt up and practically jumped into the saddle. I followed suit, and we cantered, following the none-so-subtle tracks the orcs left behind. Eventually, I slowed Enya to a stop, and Kera did the same with Alai, the black mare she rode. I slid off and drew my long knife. Kera followed me, flexing her hands. I looked at them inquisitively.
"They itch." She said, by way of explanation. I nodded.
We crept close to the encampment, though I did not know why they had stopped during the day. As we drew close to them, we could hear the orcs arguing.
"We could just eat 'er." One said.
"Don't be an idiot." The other said. I rolled my eyes. I remembered this argument from Mordor.
"Don't call me an idiot." There was a scuffle, and I crept closer, signalling Kera to stay behind. There was a woman in a dove grey dress lying in the corner. Her dress was ripped, and her nose bloody. I didn't want to think what else would be wrong with her. There were only two orcs that I could see, and I wondered were the rest were. Not for long.
"Jané!" Kera screamed. I spun to see her thrust her hands out to ward off the oncoming orc, and saw him turn to dust. Kera stared in amazement for a moment before turning this to her advantage. Once I saw that she could easily hold her own, I went for the unconscious woman in the camp, cutting down orcs as I went, my silver blade whistling through the air. I fell to my knees by the woman, and grasped her shoulders after checking she was alive. Then I began dragging her away from the camp. Once I got out of the encampment, I whistled and Enya trotted forward. I slung the woman up into the saddle, and then hoisted myself up behind her. I cantered to where flashes of light were still occurring, lighting the early morning sky. By the time I got there, however, the flashes had stopped and Kera was stood there, redoing her hair and brushing off her dress. She smiled at me, and whistled, much as I had, and Alai came forward. She mounted her horse, and grinned.
"Well, that was easy." She said. I frowned.
"Don't say that. Come on, we need to get away. Since when can you turn orcs to dust with light from your hands?" I asked seriously.
"Since now." Kera said with a shrug. "I don't remember doing it before." We trotted onwards, east as before, while I supported the unconscious woman.
We stopped for a rest around noon, and I laid the woman on the grassy floor. She was richly dressed; her dove-grey gown made of fine velvet. She had blue-green eyes and long curling blonde hair.
I poured some of our water on her face, and she came to with a splutter and a half-shriek.
"Hush!" I exclaimed. "You are safe now, with friends." Her eyes focused on me, and puzzlement spread over her face.
"Who are you?" She asked, bewildered.
"I am Jané, and this is Kera." The woman struggled to sit, and I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and supported her. "Slowly." I cautioned.
"I must get back!" the woman struggled. "What will they think?" I frowned.
"Who are you?" I asked. "And who are they?" She stopped struggling, and put a hand behind her to brace herself on.
"I'm sorry. I'm Lady Lorilei of Edoras. I left yesterday – no, it was the day before that – because of an argument I had with my brother and husband. I only meant to ride for a few hours, but then orcs came out of the rocks, and..." she paused. "I can't remember anything more, apart from waking up here."
"Probably best." Kera said from where she stood petting Alai. I shot her a look.
"We are headed for Edoras." I said. "We will escort you and ensure no further harm comes to you."
"I would be grateful for your company." She said, and I smiled. I handed her an apple and a piece of bread, which she devoured gratefully.
"Easy, or you'll make yourself sick." I warned, and she smiled.
"Better sick with you than dead with orcs." She said brightly.
"You mean eaten." Kera muttered, so that only I could hear her.
"Come, Lady Lorilei. We need to move on, we are not far enough from the orc-camp for my liking."
"Please, call me Lori." Lorilei said. "I owe you my life."
"We give aid where it is needed." I said, but I smiled. She mounted Enya without much trouble, but I reflected she was from Rohan, land of the horsemen, so it was not all that surprising.
We camped that night in open ground, and lit a small witch-fire to withstand the wet, as Lori was shivering. It was a cool night, and was drizzling, and she had nothing but the dress she wore. She sat between Kera and I, and we shared our cloaks so we were all warm and mostly dry. And then we talked.
She explained that she was the sister of King Théodan of Rohan. She had argued with both the king and her husband Éomund, and had ridden out, leaving her young children Éowyn and Éomer behind.
We then explained that we were from Rivendell, and that eight-year-old Kera was my charge, and we were simply travelling. Lori smiled at this knowledge.
"I wish I could simply travel, but between running Meduseld, and caring for my children, I haven't the time."
"You run Meduseld?" Kera asked incredulously.
"Yes." Lori said, laughing. "I am the woman closest to the King after his wife Elldrean died giving birth to the king's son, Théodred, and so I run the hall, ensure that it runs smoothly, so that Théodan can rule the Mark without worrying about his house also." Kera began to say something, but I held up a hand to silence her. Enya was snorting, and I stood, drawing my blade.
"You can use a sword?" I asked Lori.
"Those who cannot wield them can still die on them." She answered.
"Good. Kera, give her your sword, I doubt you'll need it." She nodded, and handed the slender blade to Lori. We stood ready, rain coursing down our faces and our clothes sticking to us with wet, me cursing the need for the fire which had obviously given us away.
"Strangers, what business do you have here?" A voice came out of the dark, but it was no orc-voice. Lori started, and I could tell she recognised the voice.
"Come into the light, that we may see you, and tell you our business." I called.
"It is an unnatural light, and yet we can not see your faces either." The voice returned. Motioning Kera and Lori to stay back, I walked into the light from the witch-fire.
"You can see my face, now let me see yours." I said. A horse rode into the light, and I could see one of the Rohirrim on its back. I curtsied slightly.
"It is dangerous for a woman to ride abroad alone." The man said, and there was a catch in his voice, and I realised who it must be, that Lori could recognise his voice.
"You are Éomund, husband of Lorilei?" I asked. Instantly a sword point touched my throat.
"What do you know of it?" The voice snarled.
"Éomund, stop!" Lori cried, running out of the darkness. With a frustrated huff, Kera stalked after her.
"Lori!" The rider exclaimed. He sheathed his sword, and slid from the horse. He embraced Lori, holding her tightly and burying his face in her wet hair. "We were so worried." He murmured. Kera stood beside me and smiled up at me. I put my arm around her shoulders, and hugged her to me, suddenly missing Legolas more than I could say. "And who are your companions?" Éomund suddenly asked, looking towards us.
"Jané and Kera. They saved me from the orcs." Éomund bowed to us, a marked difference from his earlier behaviour.
"I beg pardon for my earlier behaviour, my lady." He said. "I was worried, and acted rashly."
"I know how it is to worry for a loved one." I said with a smile. "All is completely forgotten." Éomund smiled. Then he turned to his men, because at Lori's appearance they had drawn out of the darkness, circling us.
"We camp here tonight, and return to Edoras in the morning." I called. There was suddenly a flourish of movement, and before I hardly had time to think, there was an elaborate camp set up around us. Soon the sounds of laughter and talk surrounded us.
I sat by the witch-fire and gazed into its blue-purple flames. Kera came to sit beside me.
"What's he like?" She asked me. I turned to her, startled.
"Who?"
"The one you love so much." She elaborated. I smiled to myself.
"He's...indescribable." I said finally. "He's just...everything." Kera snuggled into me, and I wrapped my arm around her. She stared up at the clear starry sky.
"It must be wonderful," she said, "to love someone like that. To be loved like that."
"It burns you in a way you cannot imagine." I told her, "but you would not give it up for anything in this world."
"Not even for Anorondor?" she asked me, her brown eyes piercing my green. I fell silent, troubled. It was something I preferred not to think about.
"I don't know, little one." I said eventually. "It is very confusing."
"I can't imagine you confused." She said with a little sigh. "I'm always confused." I stroked her wet hair.
"I'm confused often enough, little Kera." I said, staring off towards the north, where Mirkwood and the one person I would give up being Queen were.
"You never act it." Kera complained.
"Because I'm always too busy. Try and sleep now, sweetling. We have a long ride tomorrow."
We were up and riding early the following morning. Lori rode behind Éomund, as expected, and I believe Enya was glad to be relieved of the extra weight. We rode fast, and the dry wind blowing from the south ensured our rain-wet clothes were soon dry.
We came in sight of Edoras late in the afternoon that day. Kera didn't say anything, but I knew she was impressed as we rode up the hill towards the Golden Hall.
We were met at the door by the king himself. He hugged Lori and then turned to us.
"My thanks for helping my sister. I am in your debt." He said with a bow. Kera and I curtsied.
"We give aid where it is needed, and I am never one to turn away someone who needs my help." I said. Théodan smiled.
"Please, rest a while at Edoras." He said, and we followed him into the hall.
In truth, we stayed longer than a while – nearly ten years in total. But Éowyn and Kera became best friends instantly, and I was loathe to separate them, especially since watching them play and have fun together made me realise how fast Kera had grown up, and how, between lessons with both myself and Elrond and travelling, Kera had had little to no actual childhood. Éowyn and Kera spent all their time together, Kera teaching Éowyn how to think, and Éowyn teaching Kera how to laugh.
Lori and I spent a lot of time together also – I found that I had been lonely, being so long without company nearer to my age than that of children, and it seemed Lori had been lonely also. Lori and I grew very fond of each other, much as Finduilas and I had been. However, that was a deadly comparison to make, as I found out.
It seemed that Lori and I almost swapped children. Kera spent all her time with Éowyn, who spent much of her time with her mother, learning to be a lady, and how to run Meduseld. However, Éomer started coming to me when he had a problem or a question, because he said I understood him better. I suppose this was because while Éomer was Lorilei's first son, he was, in essence, my third. I had had experience in bringing up boys, though not necessarily boys of Éomer's age, who was nine when I arrived, and only grew older as the years passed, as do we all.
One night Kera came into my room in the dead of the night, a pale ghost in her long white night-gown with her long auburn hair tumbling thickly over her shoulders. She had woken me when she opened the door, which squeaked terribly.
"Kera, what is it?" I asked, my voice thick with sleep.
"I dream." Kera said simply. She climbed into bed next to me, and lay facing me, our heads sharing a pillow.
"Tell me." I said softly.
"Lori and Éomund, being dragged by a horse. They're both dead, and Éomund is full of orc arrows." She said. I wrapped my arms around her and drew her to me, hugging her against me. She felt cold, as she always did after a vision or dream.
"I do not envy you, little one." I said. Having the gift of foresight, and the knowledge of being the Steward of Mordor, was a heavy burden for an eleven-year-old to bear.
"Nor I you." She said. "You cannot marry, cannot be with the one you love. At least I-" she stopped.
"Go on." I said with a smile. So Kera had fallen in love. I did not doubt that she could fall in love, after all, I had fallen in love with Legolas when I was younger than she was.
"At least I can marry, be with the one I love. You have to be alone, except for a consort." She finished.
"And have you found the one you would marry?" I asked her with a smile.
"You must promise not to laugh." She warned me. I nodded.
"I promise."
"Éomer." She said solemnly. I nodded.
"It is a good match." I said.
"It is not about a match!" she cried. Then she lowered her voice. "I love him!"
"I do not doubt that you do." I said softly. "I was younger than you are now when I fell in love with Legolas, and I still love him now, fifty three years later." Kera was quiet. "Try and sleep again, love. I do not think a dream will come again this night, and you are welcome to stay here tonight."
"Thank you." Kera said, and snuggled down into the covers and was soon fast asleep. I lay awake a long time. So Lori, too, would leave us. Leave me, most likely, in charge of her children. I did not mind, particularly, I only wished that she would be here with us, along with Éomund, who was a capable Third Marshal of the Mark..
I rose early, and stood long on the terrace before Meduseld, watching as the sun's light spread over the lands of Rohan. King Théodan joined me.
"Often I watch the sun rise, and marvel at its getting past the evil draped over Mordor." He said. I smiled.
"It would take more than the power of evil, I believe, so stay the sun in its path." I answered. He nodded.
"You are troubled, Jané." He said, turning to me. I met his gaze and sighed.
"I am. Kera dreamed last night, and it is something I would give much to avoid."
"Her dreams often have much truth to them." Théodan observed, looking back over Rohan. "Though trying to change the outcome of her dreams rarely ends well." I nodded. Théodan and I had tried before to change the outcome of her dreams, and somehow it always ended up making things worse.
"What was her dream?" he asked me eventually.
"The death of your sister and her husband." I said neutrally, observing him out of the corner of my eye. He made a sudden, surprised movement.
"Dark have my dreams been of late." Was all he said. I turned to him, and he sighed. "Éomund and Lorilei rode out just as the sun was rising this morning. They have been gone for an hour." I said nothing.
"Jané!" Kera ran out of the hall, and stopped short on seeing Théodan. She curtsied hastily, then pulled at my arm. "This morning was in my dream!" she whispered.
"Lorilei and Éomund have already ridden out, Kera." Théodan said heavily. "We may only hope your dream is not this morning, but of another." Kera looked at us both, then turned and ran inside.
"Come." Théodan said finally. "They will not return any faster for our waiting." He took my arm and guided me inside. I had barely walked in the door before Éomer ran up to me.
"Is it true?" he demanded, grabbing both my hands. "Is it true that they will die?"
"We all die sometime." I answered softly "And I may not know nor tell when the time has come for any of us."
"I don't want to lose them." Éomer protested, as though I could change the fortunes of his parents.
"Nor do I. But perhaps it will not be this day."
Just as dusk was creeping over the land, a lone horse was spotted returning to Edoras. I fairly ran down the hill, followed closely by the four children and Théodan.
"My lord." One of the guards bowed his head as we approached. He tried to stop me going forward, but I struggled. "It is no sight for a lady." He said. I turned to Théodan.
"The children-" there was a cry, and I spun, pushing past the guards. Éowyn had gotten past them, and was leaning over her dead mother, sobbing. I pulled her away and held onto her as she struggled and kicked and bit. But I did not let go, and she eventually subsided. I looked over to Kera, and she had her head buried in Éomer's shoulder, and he was staring dumbly at his dead parents, even as he stroked Kera's hair. Théodred stared, then ran back up the hill.
"Jané." Théodan looked at me. "Take them back to the hall. I would speak with you all later." I nodded, and reached out an arm to Éomer, and he walked up by himself, still clinging to Kera. I guided Éowyn up the hill, as she sobbed incessantly, all the while talking to her in the old language of Mordor, even though I knew she could not understand a word I said.
In the hall, we waited for Théodan's return. But all I kept seeing was the image of Lorilei and Éomund, wrapped in each other's embrace, even in death. Their eyes had been closed and they had been smiling, but the large bloody wounds on their body had changed the picture from something reassuring to something grotesque.
Éowyn would not let me go, and I held her tightly. I noticed that Éomer and Kera's hands were tightly linked, and I only wished that it had not been something so horrible that brought them together.
Théodan came into the hall, and despite his businesslike manner, I saw that he was deeply saddened, and almost in shock by the death of his sister.
"It was orcs." He said softly. "The funeral is tomorrow morning, with the dawn. Éowyn may sing the dirge if she has the will, and if not, then Jané, it will be to you."
"I only know the song of my people." I said quietly. Théodan nodded.
"I thought as much-"
"I will sing." Éowyn said, drawing away from me and turning to her uncle. Her face was pale and tear-streaked, but determination burned in her eyes. Théodan nodded.
"Very well."
The day passed slowly. The three children slipped away, perhaps to grieve as they saw fit. There was no sign of Théodred. I stood on the terrace as I had earlier in the morning, and tears ran unhindered down my face.
"Jané," Théodan joined me. His face was stricken. I wiped away my tears and sniffed. I turned to him and smiled slightly. "You always smile. How can you do so?" he asked me.
"I think of how Lori and Éomund are in a place where they are at peace." I said softly. "Where their children are safe and happy, and where they can be free, without a care."
"Indeed." Théodan said, with a half-smile on his face. "That is a happy thought, especially in these dark times." I nodded, and softly began to sing the funeral song from Anorondor, which I had sung also at Finduilas' funeral, fourteen years ago. Boromir would be twenty-four now, and Faramir nineteen.
My voice faded away, and when I looked down from the fixed point in the distance which I had been staring at, I saw that many of the folk of Edoras had come out of their homes to listen.
"I never knew you had such a voice." Théodan said finally. Tears ran down his face.
"It is rarely used." I said.
"Sing that song at the funeral." Théodan said suddenly. "It is a fitting song." I nodded.
"Very well, my lord."
The funeral was early that morning, and the sky was clouded over as if the very weather mourned.. Éowyn sang the dirge of her people as Lorilei and Éomund were put in a barrow together, and then shut in. it was a harsh song, but coupled with mine own we described the sadness of their passing, and the joy of the after life. Éowyn shut herself in her room for the rest of the day, as did Éomer and Théodred, and Kera came to see me in my room.
"I hate having the sight!" she raged. She threw a glass ornament at me and I ducked, it smashed on the wall behind me.
"It would not change their death." I said, ducking again as yet another ornament whizzed past my head. Then she threw a small glass ivy leaf at me, which I caught. Of all my possessions, this was one of my favourites, and I was reluctant to let it fall victim to her rage.
She sank to the floor in tears, and I sat beside her, cradling her in my arms and staring at the glass ivy leaf. The glass had been coloured, and it very closely resembled the leaf it was styled after.
"Was it a gift from him?" she asked, also looking at the leaf.
"Yes." I said softly, remembering that Legolas had given it to me the day I left Mirkwood, or rather, he had slipped it into my bags without me seeing. "It was."
In 3008, when Éowyn was fifteen and Kera was seventeen, a messenger came to Rohan from Gondor. It seemed that Boromir had heard of my whereabouts and sent the messenger with news that Faramir was ill, and it seemed no one could cure him. Boromir, remembering how I had saved his mother when she was in childbed and how I had nursed them both through childhood ailments, had sent the messenger to request my presence in Gondor, that I might save Boromir's younger brother.
I agreed, and prepared to leave. The following morning I was just finishing packing, ready to leave as soon as possible. Kera was curious as to why this all meant so much to me, and I explained my earlier trip to Gondor to her.
"You're a mother to everyone!" she exclaimed.
"I try." I said dryly, packing the saddlebags.
"You will return to us?" I turned to where Éowyn stood in the doorway and embraced her.
"Of course! I would not leave you now, when you need me. I shall return, never you fear." Éowyn smiled weakly at me. I kissed her on the cheek, then walked past her then down to the stables, where I found Enya already saddled. The messenger from Gondor smiled at me.
"The prince will be glad to find that you have come." He said. I kissed my two 'daughters' goodbye and both Éomer and Théodred embraced me, at which I was surprised. Those two were never ones for shows of emotion. Théodan wished me well, and then we were off.
Whilst riding, I asked a question which had been nagging at me for a while.
"What of Lord Denethor?" the man's face tightened.
"He does not know of Boromir's request that you return to Gondor." He looked at me critically. "Though it hardly seems possible that one as young as yourself could care for both princes in infant hood."
"I am older than I look." Was all I said. "Why did Lord Denethor not send for me?"
"He believes Prince Faramir is weak, and is ill only to gain attention that he does not receive because he is not worthy of it." I had a feeling that the man was almost quoting Denethor's exact words. And all at once I was worried and displeased, that Denethor cared so little for his youngest son.
We arrived early in the morning, as the sun was rising over the mountains. We had ridden straight through the night, as the man was obviously very keen to return to his prince.
Boromir met us at the door to the citadel, looking as though he had not slept for days. Still, at thirty years old, he was a very handsome man, despite the lack of sleep that showed in his face.
"Jané." He said with a relieved smile. He bowed courteously, and I curtsied. "Come." He took my arm with a nod of thanks to the messenger, and led me through the citadel.
"You are well?" he asked me.
"I am. Boromir, what is this I hear that Denethor gives no aid to Faramir?" I asked urgently. Boromir sighed.
"It is true. My father does not see the goodness and quality in Faramir. He is to busy praising me to even notice Faramir." He said bitterly. We came to the door to the gold room, where Finduilas had recovered from Faramir's birth, and I walked in.
Denethor stood facing the man who lay pale and obviously very ill on the bed. His head snapped up when I entered.
"You!" he snarled. "Am I never to have peace from you?"
"Not when your sons need help." I answered, passing him and leaning over Faramir.
"He doesn't need help. He needs to grow up." Denethor sneered.
"And you need to open your eyes." I said softly. He said nothing, but slammed the door as he left.
I stroked Faramir's face. His eyes were sunken and his cheekbones stuck out further than was recommended.
"Faramir?" I asked quietly. He stirred. "Faramir, its Jané." His eyes cracked open, and his hand clumsily touched my face.
"You shouldn't come here for me." He said in a dry, cracked voice.
"I come for those who need my help." I answered. "Especially when they are loved ones."
"I don't want your pity." He said, turning his face away.
"I don't give it to you." I snapped. "I give only aid that you might get over this illness." Faramir closed his eyes and said nothing, and within minutes he was asleep.
Denethor and I avoided each other all week, until one day he summoned me into his presence. I had been caring for Faramir, who didn't seem to be improving, and had no time to change. I simply came as I was, in a plain blue dress with a gold coil holding my hair back. My hair had grown increasingly difficult to deal with, as it was going curly, and was unruly.
"My lord." I said, coming into the room. I dropped the perfunctory curtsey. "What is it? I am loathe to leave-"
"Faramir can wait." Denethor said harshly. He waved a hand and I suddenly noticed his guests, five elves dressed in Mirkwood green. Legolas was not among them, although the captain of the guard who had caught me when I was with Smeagol, and the bard who had walked in on me bathing were both there. "These are my guests, ambassadors from the Woodland Realm." I curtsied deeply to them.
"Lady Jané." The bard said with a bow. "Your beauty, as ever, surpasses all description." I smiled.
"You flatter me, my lord. Welcome to Gondor."
"Indeed." Denethor said, annoyed that I knew these elves. I could tell he was mad at me for showing him up, yet again. "Lady Jané, I would like you to stay for our negotiations, as you know elves and their ways far better than I."
I can't say much for his subtlety. He might have believed his true meaning disguised, but I could see in the eyes of all the elves, even the Captain of the Guard, that they were disgusted at his plan of using me as a way of getting them to do as he pleased, as though I was a hostage, not a guest.
"My lord, I came here to care for your son, not sit in on your negotiations with surrounding kingdoms." I protested.
"My son is not as ill as he would have you believe." Denethor said
"I believe you are mistaken." I said boldly.
"He is my son!" Denethor growled, rising and taking a step towards me. I did not flinch.
"And I raised him, my lord. And I have a thorough grounding in medicine. The prince is ill, my lord, no matter what you think."
"I am Steward of Gondor." Denethor said, a warning.
"Which does not make you a doctor. I am a lady of Rivendell." I replied furiously. "And more besides. I am well versed in medicine, my lord, and I know your son is ill. And I find myself forced to decline your invitation to sit in on your meeting."
"You will not." Denethor growled. I glanced at the elves. I had met almost all of them at some point in my stay at Mirkwood, and I could see they were all tense, ready to slip into combat positions at any time.
"My lord, I will not attend any of your meetings with ambassadors from anywhere until your son's health has improved. Now, if you will excuse me." I curtsied and turned away.
"I have not yet dismissed you!" Denethor snarled.
"I am well versed in medicine." One of the elves stepped in. He was of high rank, I could tell by his clothes and the way the other deferred to him. "If the lady Jané did not disapprove, I could look at the prince and offer my opinion."
"That will not be necessary." Denethor said rudely, even as I smiled at him.
"My thanks, my lord." I said to the elf. "Excuse me, Lord Denethor." I said. Then I turned and led the elf to the gold room. As we approached, Boromir ran towards us.
"He's gone mad, Jané! He wont listen to any of us and he keeps talking about Queens, like in the stories you told us as children. And how Osgiliath was doomed, and how Minas Tirith would burn!"
I sped up, the elf behind me effortlessly keeping pace with me. Soon we were running down the halls towards the gold room, and as we approached, I became able to hear Faramir's ravings. At the door the elf caught my arm.
"He could be dangerous, my lady." He said. I looked at him.
"I am not afraid of a boy I raised from infanthood." I said levelly. He nodded, understanding more than I had said, and let me go.
We went into the room, and while the elf went round to the side of the bed, I hitched up my skirts and crawled across it, grabbing at Faramir's arms as he thrashed around. I missed his arm as he flung it about, and it caught my chin, snapping my head back and making me lose my balance so I fell to the floor. I grimaced and stood back up, ignoring the elf's concerned look, and grasped both of Faramir's wrists, holding them tightly.
"Faramir!" I said sternly. "Faramir stop it!"
"Mother!" he screamed. "Make it stop!" I was a little hurt by this, since it had been I who had brought him up since he was four, but pushed the hurt aside, and remembering Finduilas as best I could, drew the glamour over me as I had been taught as Denarssa, until my dark hair seemed to lighten to golden brown and my eyes darkened from blue to brown.
"Faramir, beloved." I murmured, catching his face in my hands. The elf beside cast me a startled look, as I now resembled Finduilas more than I did myself. Faramir stilled, and looked up at me with wild blue eyes. "Faramir, my love. Calm yourself." My voice belonged to the Finduilas I remembered.
"Mother? But you..."
"I am back to help you. But I may not stay." I said.
"Are the halls of Mandos nice, like Jané say they are?" I heard the elf chuckle.
"They are beautiful, and I am happy here, though I miss you. I'm watching over you from there, my love."
"I'm glad you like them." Faramir said with a sigh. "Can you make the visions stop?" he asked urgently.
"I think they are necessary, my love. Simply watch them, then tell Jané when you wake. Do not be afraid, dearest. I love you."
"Don't go!" Faramir said frantically, grabbing my wrist.
"Be at peace, my son." I said softly. "Let me go." Faramir stared at me, then slowly let my wrist go. He lay back and closed his eyes, and I dropped the glamour, instantly becoming myself again. When Faramir opened his eyes again, it was I that he looked at, not his mother.
"Mother came." Faramir said wearily.
"What did she tell you?" I asked quietly.
"Not to fear. I don't think I do, anymore." He said.
"Finduilas would be proud, my prince. Sleep now." I passed my hand over his forehead, and he relaxed into a deep sleep.
Outside the gold room, the elf took my arm.
"My lady..." he began. I smiled tiredly.
"I am Lady Eldira Jané."
"Lord Alkar. How did you do that?"
"It's a magic I was taught when I lived at the Hidden City." I answered. "It can be useful, in instances such as that." I gestured at the closed door to the gold room. "However, it can be misused, and it is only taught to a select few."
"Yes. That is understandable." There was a cry from the great hall, and we both turned to look down the corridor.
"What is it?" I asked, automatically deferring to his elven hearing.
"The Prince has arrived." He said, taking my arm and near enough dragging me down the corridor. At the entrance I yanked my arm back and smoothed my hair, touching my bruised jaw gingerly. "How is it?" he asked me.
"Bruised and probably swollen."
"A tiny difference, my lady." He said with a smile. "Come." I followed him into the hall, where I could see Legolas talking to Denethor. The bard, Deiran, came forward when he saw me. Neither Legolas nor Denethor took any notice.
"How is he?" Deiran asked.
"Better, my lord." I said softly. "He called for his mother, and so I brought her to him.
"Isn't his mother..."
"She is, but I used a glamour to make him believe she had returned."
"It seems that the Lady Jané has been spreading our beliefs." Said Alkar with a laugh.
"It is what I believe." I answered in my own defence. "And when the princes asked what happened to people when they died, I answered they went to a hall for themselves in the Halls of Mandos, for were not men children of the Ilúvatar as well?" I asked with a smile, and Alkar smiled back.
"So is my son recovered?" Denethor asked sulkily. I turned to see both Denethor and Legolas watching me. I saw Legolas' gaze drop to my chin and his eyes narrow. I sighed. No matter what Alkar had said, Legolas had sharp eyes.
"He sleeps." I answered with a curtsey in their direction. I walked forward. "But he is not recovered, my lord. He is ill." I had said this many times, and yet Denethor never seemed to believe me. Even now, he snorted.
"Lady Jané, this is Prince Legolas of the Woodland realm." I curtsied deeply to him, and held out my hand, which he took and kissed, his eyes never leaving mine.
"It is a pleasure." He murmured.
"An honour." I answered. Denethor seemed confused by the amused expressions on all the other elves faces as Legolas and I 'met', when the whole of the Mirkwood party knew we were very close, if they did not believe we were lovers.
"What happened to your jaw?" Denethor asked. I glared at Alkar over Legolas' shoulder, who had said it had been barely noticeable with elven eyes, and yet Denethor had said it, and his eyesight wasn't the best. Legolas' eyes narrowed, and I withdrew my hand from his grasp.
"The Prince Faramir was frantic." Alkar said smoothly, stepping in.
"I was trying to restrain him when I got in the way of one of his hands." I said simply.
"He struck you?" Legolas asked. He sounded calm, but I knew he was furious.
"Not intentionally, my prince." Alkar said with a bow, as if he knew that Legolas would not believe me.
"It was my own fault for getting in the way." I added.
"Faramir shall be punished." Denethor said.
"You wouldn't dare!" I burst out, then clapped my hand over my mouth and curtsied deeply, bowing my head. Now I had really messed up.
"Oh, my lady? And may I remind you who his father is, and who is Lord of this city?" I was so, so tempted to say that he was no lord, only a steward, but I held my tongue.
"It would not be wise, my lord," Legolas began, "To punish one who is already ill. The Lady Jané is famed for her skill at medicine, and so if she says the Prince is ill, then he most certainly is." I was surprised at Legolas defending me, although I did not linger long on it.
"You are dismissed, Lady Jané." Denethor said grandly, and I rose and left without a backwards glance.
That night I stood on the top level of the city, and the very point of the high court, and looked up at the stars. They were so clear that night, though the ever-present cloud over Mordor masked them from my sight.
I knew of his presence only when his hand went to rest on the small of my back, as he stood behind me and slightly to the side. It made me jump, and I glanced behind me to see him staring out over Mordor.
"What were you thinking?" He asked me. I returned my gaze to the stars.
"How beautiful they are." I answered. "I believe that, too, is something I picked up from growing up with elves." Legolas pressed his lips against the side of my head and I leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder.
"Why are you here?" he asked me.
"I could ask you the same question." I retorted calmly.
"Denethor says he wishes an alliance with the elves." Legolas answered. I snorted.
"He lies."
"I know. I just want to know the real reason he asked us to come here. That is the only reason I am here." I nodded, and Legolas took my hand and kissed the knuckles, even as I curled my fingers around his.
"So why are you here?" he pressed.
"Boromir sent for me." I answered. His hand tightened around mine.
"Boromir?" he asked.
"Do not be jealous Legolas." I chided gently. "Boromir sent for me because he cares for his brother, and he too, has heard of my healing skills." I said with a small laugh. Legolas' grip relaxed somewhat.
"Lady Jané!" I heard a servant running in our direction, and I broke free of Legolas and turned to the woman. "The Prince Faramir is asking for you." I nodded, touched Legolas on the shoulder, and then left him there, standing at the tip of the citadel, staring out to the east.
Faramir was awake when I walked into his room, and he smiled at me as I walked around the edge of the bed. I sat on the edge of the bed and felt his forehead and smiled. His fever had broken.
"Auntie Jané." He said in a teasing voice. "Always around when we need you." I smiled at him.
"I try. How are you feeling?"
"Weak. A little tired, but no longer wracked with visions. I saw mother." I raised my eyebrows.
"You did?"
"She came and told me to listen to you, and that it would all be well, and that you were a Queen to the West, and that you would care for me. And she also told me to tell you to be careful with Boromir." He looked puzzled, and I felt very confused.
What he had just told me was nothing like what I had told him in the guise of Finduilas. Somehow I did not believe that Finduilas truly had returned from the halls of Mandos to speak with her younger son.
"What did she look like?" I asked.
"All shining and white, and glowing with a blue light. She looked...younger, I suppose, like she was barely more than a girl."
Maybe Finduilas had returned, or else Faramir's fever had caused him to dream her.
"I also saw you, although you looked a lot like Finduilas did, as I remember." Faramir added. "But I could tell it was you." I nodded.
"I spent the much time by your sickbed." I answered.
"I dreamt that you did, and that you made the dreams leave me for a time." I smiled.
"Sleep now, my prince." I said gently. "You are still recovering." He nodded, and his head rested on the pillow and his eyes shut, and soon his breathing slowed and levelled, and I stood from his sickbed and saw Alkar standing in the doorway.
"He seems much improved." He commented.
"His fever has broken." I said, and he nodded, his eyes still on the young prince.
"He loves you, you know." He said suddenly, looking at me with piercing blue eyes.
"I know." I said, resting my eyes on Faramir. "I brought him up from age five. I would be surprised if he did not love me." Alkar nodded.
"That would explain what was puzzling me." He said. I looked up at him.
"What puzzled you?"
"He loves you greatly, but not as one would love a lover."
"I brought up both princes from five years. I cared for Boromir while the Lady Finduilas cared for Faramir, then I cared for them both after she faded."
"She was elven-kind?" Alkar looked at me, startled.
"No." I said slowly, "But I believe she had elven blood in her. After the birth of Faramir Denethor became distant, and she missed her childhood home by the sea. I believe that she faded due to deprivation of both."
"But her children?"
"Were not a strong enough force to keep her here." I answered quietly. He nodded.
"It is sorrowful, that they should both lose their mother to be left with only you. This entire city seems cold."
"It is." I agreed. "And I left a year later, at Boromir's urging, that Denethor would not banish me permanently."
"Why would he do that?" Alkar asked.
"We argued often." I said with a shrug. "I ran his family, his household, and practically his city, but I had no power. I was allowed only to see problems, never fix them. And despite my having jurisdiction over both children, Denethor still controlled what they did, and did not react well to my protests." Alkar nodded. "Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll take this chance to get some sleep." He smiled at me.
"Don't let me stop you." I grinned and walked past him to my chambers.
The following morning I found that the Mirkwood planned to leave the day after. Legolas invited me to travel with their party north, but I declined, preferring to stay with Faramir, who, although improving quickly, was still unwell.
That evening, I left Faramir's bedroom smiling. Faramir was very much improved, laughing and talking with me. He had eaten and rested, and was now very much on the way to recovery, so much so that I considered returning with the Mirkwood party, although in the end I decided against it, unwilling to leave Faramir in case he became unwell again.
"Jané!" Boromir came up behind me. I turned. "May we talk?" he asked. I nodded. "Walk with me." We walked through the halls of the citadel in near silence.
"How is Faramir?" he asked. I smiled.
"Well. He is recovering quickly." We came out of the citadel onto the High Court.
"Jané? Can I ask you something?" I turned my gaze from the White Tree to his face.
"Of course." I answered. "What is it?"
"I've been thinking about it for a long time, and I promised myself I'd ask you next time I had a chance. So here I am."
"Boromir." I said softly. "What is it?"
"Will you marry me?" for a moment I stood there, mouth open like a fish.
"Oh, Boromir." I said eventually, slowly shaking my head. "No."
"Why not?" he asked me, almost annoyed. "It will be a good marriage for you, well above your station." At this, I grew annoyed.
"Thank you, Boromir, for assuming I would want to marry at all." I said snippily.
"Many women would do much to be in your place." He said arrogantly.
"Marry them then!" I snapped.
"You will marry me, you know." He said, turning to look at Gondor. "I am a prince, and you are a court lady."
Now I was furious. The gibes about me being a court lady did not annoy me greatly, but it was his arrogance at assuming that I would gladly marry him. I tried to regain my composure.
"Boromir, I will not marry you, for three reasons. For one, I think of you as my son, not as my husband or even as my lover. Secondly, I am more than half again your age. And thirdly, I doubt I will ever marry at all, to any man."
"Come, Jané." He said, turning to me. "You would be Lady of Gondor." And a widow, I was tempted to snap. Then I suddenly realised I had no way of knowing that I would be his widow should I marry him.
"I do not want to be Lady of Gondor, Boromir. I am quite content being Lady Jané."
"What better marriage could you find?" he asked me, irritated. "A court lady married to her prince! It would be miles above your station, and any expectation you could expect to have!" I had a strange feeling then, that made me uncomfortable, but I ignored it.
"For your information, Boromir, it would be like a court lady married to her son, and I'm sure no one approves of that!" I snapped. "And for another thing, I am not simply a court lady. My station, unknown as it is to many, including yourself, is far above that of both yourself and your father! So if I did indeed marry you, which I wont, by the way, I would be marrying below my station, and it would be you who are marrying far above your station, and any expectations you could expect to have! So you have my answer, Prince Boromir. I shall not marry you." I turned on my heel and stalked back into the citadel, furious at both him for making me lose my temper in a way I hadn't since I left Rivendell, and at myself for losing it. I stalked past Deiran, and he grabbed my arm and I shook him off furiously.
"My lady." He said courteously, but his eyes were wary of me.
"Lord Deiran." I said politely, struggling to keep my voice under control despite being so furious at Boromir I could barely breathe. "Would you please tell Prince Legolas that I would be honoured to travel with the Mirkwood party north until we pass the White Mountains, where I shall head West for Edoras."
"My lady, are you sure?" he asked me.
"I am positive." I answered with a small smile. "My continued presence here would cause problems."
"Would you like to talk about it?" he asked me. I did want to vent my rage on somebody, but I did not think Deiran was the right somebody. Maybe later.
"Not at the moment." I said gently. "But I would truly appreciate it if you could tell Legolas."
"I shall, my lady." He said, then he turned and walked away.
In my room, I began hastily packing bags. I wanted to talk to Faramir and explain my sudden departure. I wasn't sure he'd understand, but I figured at least he wouldn't ask me to marry him, as he still called me Auntie Jané in moments of weakness.
There was a knock on the door.
"Who is it?" I asked. I really did not want to speak to any male at the moment, I was likely to slap them at the slightest mistake.
"Lady Freya." Came the answer. I unlocked the door and showed her in, locking the door behind her. She saw my packing.
"You are leaving?" she asked me. She had a truly beautiful voice, when she was speaking and when she was singing.
"I am. I leave with the elves in the morning."
"Why?"
"My time her is over. What is it you wanted?" I asked.
"If you are busy, I shall return." She said, heading for the door.
"No, no." I said hastily. "Please sit. How can I help?"
"Well, I don't know if you know it, you seemed completely oblivious to it before, but Boromir is in love with you." I grimaced.
"I know. He told me earlier today, when he asked me to marry him."
"Are you?"
"No. I doubt I shall marry at all, and if I do, it will not be to someone I regard as my son." I smiled at her and I smiled in return.
"I am almost relieved." She said. I touched her shoulder.
"I know you love him, and I am sorry that it happened this way, that he loved someone who could not love him back the way he so desires."
"This is why you are leaving?" she asked.
"It is. If I stay, Boromir will take his case to his father, who will try to force me to bow to the wishes of his favourite son. And with the whole city behind him, I would have no choice. So I am leaving."
"What of Faramir?" she asked.
"He is well on the way to recovery." I said with a smile. "I have left instructions on that paper, there." I pointed. "I hope to speak with him myself later, to explain personally why I am leaving him now."
"I shall care for him, if it makes you feel better." She offered. I grinned.
"It would make me feel much better." I said, closing the saddlebags and fastening them tightly. "And if you could contact me when he is better? I am at Rohan, and many of the messenger pigeons know the way." She nodded.
"I shall."
"Good. Now I shall go speak to Faramir."
I did not meet anyone on my way to or from Faramir's room, for which I was grateful. Faramir understood, as I thought he would; though he took it far less seriously than I thought he would, saying Boromir would be over me soon enough, and so I could return, but he agreed I should leave now. I was glad that at least some people in this city were thinking rationally.
When she was seven, I decided that we were both ready to travel southeast, to Rohan, and to Edoras.
We went through the pass of Rohan, and past Isengard. But when she saw Isengard, she reigned in her horse and stopped, all colour gone from her face. I walked Enya back to her.
"What is it?" I asked.
"That's the tower from my dream." She said in a whisper. "With the great trees surrounding it, and then the great fiery cracks in the earth with all those horrible noises."
"Come, Kera." I said softly. "We pass onto Edoras, which is not far now." We had not travelled for a further five minutes when an old man dressed in white walked out of the wood to our left and stood before us.
"Where do you travel?" he asked. I glanced at Kera, who was now even paler than before.
"East." I answered him. "We have yet to decide on a destination. I am Anya, and this is my daughter Erin." I gave him false names, and shielded my mind from him. I distrusted everything about him.
"I am Saruman. Your daughter looks unwell." He said.
"I believe she ate something bad last night. It will pass." I answered easily. Saruman approached us, and Enya stamped. "Easy." I told her gently. She calmed. I tucked a stray bit of hair behind my ear, and while doing so, tucked my sun pendant into my dress, out of sight.
"I am skilled at healing. I would offer my services, if it might speed your journey?" He asked me. Kera kicked her horse forward.
"I am well, thank you. As mother said, it will pass." She said calmly. Saruman nodded. "Mother, we must be on" she told me. I nodded at her.
"Farewell, Saruman," I said.
"Farewell, Lady Anya." He called back. We urged our horses into a quick walk, and when we were round the corner, we kicked them into a trot, then canter, until we were far away from Isengard.
"He was horrible." Kera said with a shudder, slowing her horse to a walk.
"And to think he is the famed white wizard." I said. "Come, let us make haste farther into Rohan. Isengard still looms over us."
"Race you!" She called, and kicked her horse into a gallop.
"Fool of a girl!" I called back, laughing, and easily caught her up. We galloped across the rolling country of Rohan, laughing and calling. By the time dusk fell, we were far into Rohan.
We made camp in the shadow of some boulders by the hills. We had no fire, as I did not want to draw undue attention to us. We were quiet that night, which was unusual as we normally sang and danced and laughed like a pair of witless idiots.
The next morning, we found it well that we had been quiet. We found orc tracks not far at all from our campsite, and we both shuddered to think how close the orcs had been to us.
"How does the king let orcs roam his lands?" Kera asked from where she knelt by the tracks. I was stood up in my stirrups, shielding my eyes against the morning sun, and looking for any trace of the orcs.
"Rohan is a big place, and he has only so many men." I answered. Kera made a quick movement out of the corner of my eye.
"Jané. Look!" She exclaimed. I slid off Enya and knelt beside Kera. "They were dragging something." She said.
"More like someone." I corrected, tracing the indentation of the grass with my fingertips.
"We need to follow them." Kera said. I looked up, and she had that look in her eyes that she got when she had seen something.
"You sure?" I asked.
"Very. Come on." She leapt up and practically jumped into the saddle. I followed suit, and we cantered, following the none-so-subtle tracks the orcs left behind. Eventually, I slowed Enya to a stop, and Kera did the same with Alai, the black mare she rode. I slid off and drew my long knife. Kera followed me, flexing her hands. I looked at them inquisitively.
"They itch." She said, by way of explanation. I nodded.
We crept close to the encampment, though I did not know why they had stopped during the day. As we drew close to them, we could hear the orcs arguing.
"We could just eat 'er." One said.
"Don't be an idiot." The other said. I rolled my eyes. I remembered this argument from Mordor.
"Don't call me an idiot." There was a scuffle, and I crept closer, signalling Kera to stay behind. There was a woman in a dove grey dress lying in the corner. Her dress was ripped, and her nose bloody. I didn't want to think what else would be wrong with her. There were only two orcs that I could see, and I wondered were the rest were. Not for long.
"Jané!" Kera screamed. I spun to see her thrust her hands out to ward off the oncoming orc, and saw him turn to dust. Kera stared in amazement for a moment before turning this to her advantage. Once I saw that she could easily hold her own, I went for the unconscious woman in the camp, cutting down orcs as I went, my silver blade whistling through the air. I fell to my knees by the woman, and grasped her shoulders after checking she was alive. Then I began dragging her away from the camp. Once I got out of the encampment, I whistled and Enya trotted forward. I slung the woman up into the saddle, and then hoisted myself up behind her. I cantered to where flashes of light were still occurring, lighting the early morning sky. By the time I got there, however, the flashes had stopped and Kera was stood there, redoing her hair and brushing off her dress. She smiled at me, and whistled, much as I had, and Alai came forward. She mounted her horse, and grinned.
"Well, that was easy." She said. I frowned.
"Don't say that. Come on, we need to get away. Since when can you turn orcs to dust with light from your hands?" I asked seriously.
"Since now." Kera said with a shrug. "I don't remember doing it before." We trotted onwards, east as before, while I supported the unconscious woman.
We stopped for a rest around noon, and I laid the woman on the grassy floor. She was richly dressed; her dove-grey gown made of fine velvet. She had blue-green eyes and long curling blonde hair.
I poured some of our water on her face, and she came to with a splutter and a half-shriek.
"Hush!" I exclaimed. "You are safe now, with friends." Her eyes focused on me, and puzzlement spread over her face.
"Who are you?" She asked, bewildered.
"I am Jané, and this is Kera." The woman struggled to sit, and I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and supported her. "Slowly." I cautioned.
"I must get back!" the woman struggled. "What will they think?" I frowned.
"Who are you?" I asked. "And who are they?" She stopped struggling, and put a hand behind her to brace herself on.
"I'm sorry. I'm Lady Lorilei of Edoras. I left yesterday – no, it was the day before that – because of an argument I had with my brother and husband. I only meant to ride for a few hours, but then orcs came out of the rocks, and..." she paused. "I can't remember anything more, apart from waking up here."
"Probably best." Kera said from where she stood petting Alai. I shot her a look.
"We are headed for Edoras." I said. "We will escort you and ensure no further harm comes to you."
"I would be grateful for your company." She said, and I smiled. I handed her an apple and a piece of bread, which she devoured gratefully.
"Easy, or you'll make yourself sick." I warned, and she smiled.
"Better sick with you than dead with orcs." She said brightly.
"You mean eaten." Kera muttered, so that only I could hear her.
"Come, Lady Lorilei. We need to move on, we are not far enough from the orc-camp for my liking."
"Please, call me Lori." Lorilei said. "I owe you my life."
"We give aid where it is needed." I said, but I smiled. She mounted Enya without much trouble, but I reflected she was from Rohan, land of the horsemen, so it was not all that surprising.
We camped that night in open ground, and lit a small witch-fire to withstand the wet, as Lori was shivering. It was a cool night, and was drizzling, and she had nothing but the dress she wore. She sat between Kera and I, and we shared our cloaks so we were all warm and mostly dry. And then we talked.
She explained that she was the sister of King Théodan of Rohan. She had argued with both the king and her husband Éomund, and had ridden out, leaving her young children Éowyn and Éomer behind.
We then explained that we were from Rivendell, and that eight-year-old Kera was my charge, and we were simply travelling. Lori smiled at this knowledge.
"I wish I could simply travel, but between running Meduseld, and caring for my children, I haven't the time."
"You run Meduseld?" Kera asked incredulously.
"Yes." Lori said, laughing. "I am the woman closest to the King after his wife Elldrean died giving birth to the king's son, Théodred, and so I run the hall, ensure that it runs smoothly, so that Théodan can rule the Mark without worrying about his house also." Kera began to say something, but I held up a hand to silence her. Enya was snorting, and I stood, drawing my blade.
"You can use a sword?" I asked Lori.
"Those who cannot wield them can still die on them." She answered.
"Good. Kera, give her your sword, I doubt you'll need it." She nodded, and handed the slender blade to Lori. We stood ready, rain coursing down our faces and our clothes sticking to us with wet, me cursing the need for the fire which had obviously given us away.
"Strangers, what business do you have here?" A voice came out of the dark, but it was no orc-voice. Lori started, and I could tell she recognised the voice.
"Come into the light, that we may see you, and tell you our business." I called.
"It is an unnatural light, and yet we can not see your faces either." The voice returned. Motioning Kera and Lori to stay back, I walked into the light from the witch-fire.
"You can see my face, now let me see yours." I said. A horse rode into the light, and I could see one of the Rohirrim on its back. I curtsied slightly.
"It is dangerous for a woman to ride abroad alone." The man said, and there was a catch in his voice, and I realised who it must be, that Lori could recognise his voice.
"You are Éomund, husband of Lorilei?" I asked. Instantly a sword point touched my throat.
"What do you know of it?" The voice snarled.
"Éomund, stop!" Lori cried, running out of the darkness. With a frustrated huff, Kera stalked after her.
"Lori!" The rider exclaimed. He sheathed his sword, and slid from the horse. He embraced Lori, holding her tightly and burying his face in her wet hair. "We were so worried." He murmured. Kera stood beside me and smiled up at me. I put my arm around her shoulders, and hugged her to me, suddenly missing Legolas more than I could say. "And who are your companions?" Éomund suddenly asked, looking towards us.
"Jané and Kera. They saved me from the orcs." Éomund bowed to us, a marked difference from his earlier behaviour.
"I beg pardon for my earlier behaviour, my lady." He said. "I was worried, and acted rashly."
"I know how it is to worry for a loved one." I said with a smile. "All is completely forgotten." Éomund smiled. Then he turned to his men, because at Lori's appearance they had drawn out of the darkness, circling us.
"We camp here tonight, and return to Edoras in the morning." I called. There was suddenly a flourish of movement, and before I hardly had time to think, there was an elaborate camp set up around us. Soon the sounds of laughter and talk surrounded us.
I sat by the witch-fire and gazed into its blue-purple flames. Kera came to sit beside me.
"What's he like?" She asked me. I turned to her, startled.
"Who?"
"The one you love so much." She elaborated. I smiled to myself.
"He's...indescribable." I said finally. "He's just...everything." Kera snuggled into me, and I wrapped my arm around her. She stared up at the clear starry sky.
"It must be wonderful," she said, "to love someone like that. To be loved like that."
"It burns you in a way you cannot imagine." I told her, "but you would not give it up for anything in this world."
"Not even for Anorondor?" she asked me, her brown eyes piercing my green. I fell silent, troubled. It was something I preferred not to think about.
"I don't know, little one." I said eventually. "It is very confusing."
"I can't imagine you confused." She said with a little sigh. "I'm always confused." I stroked her wet hair.
"I'm confused often enough, little Kera." I said, staring off towards the north, where Mirkwood and the one person I would give up being Queen were.
"You never act it." Kera complained.
"Because I'm always too busy. Try and sleep now, sweetling. We have a long ride tomorrow."
We were up and riding early the following morning. Lori rode behind Éomund, as expected, and I believe Enya was glad to be relieved of the extra weight. We rode fast, and the dry wind blowing from the south ensured our rain-wet clothes were soon dry.
We came in sight of Edoras late in the afternoon that day. Kera didn't say anything, but I knew she was impressed as we rode up the hill towards the Golden Hall.
We were met at the door by the king himself. He hugged Lori and then turned to us.
"My thanks for helping my sister. I am in your debt." He said with a bow. Kera and I curtsied.
"We give aid where it is needed, and I am never one to turn away someone who needs my help." I said. Théodan smiled.
"Please, rest a while at Edoras." He said, and we followed him into the hall.
In truth, we stayed longer than a while – nearly ten years in total. But Éowyn and Kera became best friends instantly, and I was loathe to separate them, especially since watching them play and have fun together made me realise how fast Kera had grown up, and how, between lessons with both myself and Elrond and travelling, Kera had had little to no actual childhood. Éowyn and Kera spent all their time together, Kera teaching Éowyn how to think, and Éowyn teaching Kera how to laugh.
Lori and I spent a lot of time together also – I found that I had been lonely, being so long without company nearer to my age than that of children, and it seemed Lori had been lonely also. Lori and I grew very fond of each other, much as Finduilas and I had been. However, that was a deadly comparison to make, as I found out.
It seemed that Lori and I almost swapped children. Kera spent all her time with Éowyn, who spent much of her time with her mother, learning to be a lady, and how to run Meduseld. However, Éomer started coming to me when he had a problem or a question, because he said I understood him better. I suppose this was because while Éomer was Lorilei's first son, he was, in essence, my third. I had had experience in bringing up boys, though not necessarily boys of Éomer's age, who was nine when I arrived, and only grew older as the years passed, as do we all.
One night Kera came into my room in the dead of the night, a pale ghost in her long white night-gown with her long auburn hair tumbling thickly over her shoulders. She had woken me when she opened the door, which squeaked terribly.
"Kera, what is it?" I asked, my voice thick with sleep.
"I dream." Kera said simply. She climbed into bed next to me, and lay facing me, our heads sharing a pillow.
"Tell me." I said softly.
"Lori and Éomund, being dragged by a horse. They're both dead, and Éomund is full of orc arrows." She said. I wrapped my arms around her and drew her to me, hugging her against me. She felt cold, as she always did after a vision or dream.
"I do not envy you, little one." I said. Having the gift of foresight, and the knowledge of being the Steward of Mordor, was a heavy burden for an eleven-year-old to bear.
"Nor I you." She said. "You cannot marry, cannot be with the one you love. At least I-" she stopped.
"Go on." I said with a smile. So Kera had fallen in love. I did not doubt that she could fall in love, after all, I had fallen in love with Legolas when I was younger than she was.
"At least I can marry, be with the one I love. You have to be alone, except for a consort." She finished.
"And have you found the one you would marry?" I asked her with a smile.
"You must promise not to laugh." She warned me. I nodded.
"I promise."
"Éomer." She said solemnly. I nodded.
"It is a good match." I said.
"It is not about a match!" she cried. Then she lowered her voice. "I love him!"
"I do not doubt that you do." I said softly. "I was younger than you are now when I fell in love with Legolas, and I still love him now, fifty three years later." Kera was quiet. "Try and sleep again, love. I do not think a dream will come again this night, and you are welcome to stay here tonight."
"Thank you." Kera said, and snuggled down into the covers and was soon fast asleep. I lay awake a long time. So Lori, too, would leave us. Leave me, most likely, in charge of her children. I did not mind, particularly, I only wished that she would be here with us, along with Éomund, who was a capable Third Marshal of the Mark..
I rose early, and stood long on the terrace before Meduseld, watching as the sun's light spread over the lands of Rohan. King Théodan joined me.
"Often I watch the sun rise, and marvel at its getting past the evil draped over Mordor." He said. I smiled.
"It would take more than the power of evil, I believe, so stay the sun in its path." I answered. He nodded.
"You are troubled, Jané." He said, turning to me. I met his gaze and sighed.
"I am. Kera dreamed last night, and it is something I would give much to avoid."
"Her dreams often have much truth to them." Théodan observed, looking back over Rohan. "Though trying to change the outcome of her dreams rarely ends well." I nodded. Théodan and I had tried before to change the outcome of her dreams, and somehow it always ended up making things worse.
"What was her dream?" he asked me eventually.
"The death of your sister and her husband." I said neutrally, observing him out of the corner of my eye. He made a sudden, surprised movement.
"Dark have my dreams been of late." Was all he said. I turned to him, and he sighed. "Éomund and Lorilei rode out just as the sun was rising this morning. They have been gone for an hour." I said nothing.
"Jané!" Kera ran out of the hall, and stopped short on seeing Théodan. She curtsied hastily, then pulled at my arm. "This morning was in my dream!" she whispered.
"Lorilei and Éomund have already ridden out, Kera." Théodan said heavily. "We may only hope your dream is not this morning, but of another." Kera looked at us both, then turned and ran inside.
"Come." Théodan said finally. "They will not return any faster for our waiting." He took my arm and guided me inside. I had barely walked in the door before Éomer ran up to me.
"Is it true?" he demanded, grabbing both my hands. "Is it true that they will die?"
"We all die sometime." I answered softly "And I may not know nor tell when the time has come for any of us."
"I don't want to lose them." Éomer protested, as though I could change the fortunes of his parents.
"Nor do I. But perhaps it will not be this day."
Just as dusk was creeping over the land, a lone horse was spotted returning to Edoras. I fairly ran down the hill, followed closely by the four children and Théodan.
"My lord." One of the guards bowed his head as we approached. He tried to stop me going forward, but I struggled. "It is no sight for a lady." He said. I turned to Théodan.
"The children-" there was a cry, and I spun, pushing past the guards. Éowyn had gotten past them, and was leaning over her dead mother, sobbing. I pulled her away and held onto her as she struggled and kicked and bit. But I did not let go, and she eventually subsided. I looked over to Kera, and she had her head buried in Éomer's shoulder, and he was staring dumbly at his dead parents, even as he stroked Kera's hair. Théodred stared, then ran back up the hill.
"Jané." Théodan looked at me. "Take them back to the hall. I would speak with you all later." I nodded, and reached out an arm to Éomer, and he walked up by himself, still clinging to Kera. I guided Éowyn up the hill, as she sobbed incessantly, all the while talking to her in the old language of Mordor, even though I knew she could not understand a word I said.
In the hall, we waited for Théodan's return. But all I kept seeing was the image of Lorilei and Éomund, wrapped in each other's embrace, even in death. Their eyes had been closed and they had been smiling, but the large bloody wounds on their body had changed the picture from something reassuring to something grotesque.
Éowyn would not let me go, and I held her tightly. I noticed that Éomer and Kera's hands were tightly linked, and I only wished that it had not been something so horrible that brought them together.
Théodan came into the hall, and despite his businesslike manner, I saw that he was deeply saddened, and almost in shock by the death of his sister.
"It was orcs." He said softly. "The funeral is tomorrow morning, with the dawn. Éowyn may sing the dirge if she has the will, and if not, then Jané, it will be to you."
"I only know the song of my people." I said quietly. Théodan nodded.
"I thought as much-"
"I will sing." Éowyn said, drawing away from me and turning to her uncle. Her face was pale and tear-streaked, but determination burned in her eyes. Théodan nodded.
"Very well."
The day passed slowly. The three children slipped away, perhaps to grieve as they saw fit. There was no sign of Théodred. I stood on the terrace as I had earlier in the morning, and tears ran unhindered down my face.
"Jané," Théodan joined me. His face was stricken. I wiped away my tears and sniffed. I turned to him and smiled slightly. "You always smile. How can you do so?" he asked me.
"I think of how Lori and Éomund are in a place where they are at peace." I said softly. "Where their children are safe and happy, and where they can be free, without a care."
"Indeed." Théodan said, with a half-smile on his face. "That is a happy thought, especially in these dark times." I nodded, and softly began to sing the funeral song from Anorondor, which I had sung also at Finduilas' funeral, fourteen years ago. Boromir would be twenty-four now, and Faramir nineteen.
My voice faded away, and when I looked down from the fixed point in the distance which I had been staring at, I saw that many of the folk of Edoras had come out of their homes to listen.
"I never knew you had such a voice." Théodan said finally. Tears ran down his face.
"It is rarely used." I said.
"Sing that song at the funeral." Théodan said suddenly. "It is a fitting song." I nodded.
"Very well, my lord."
The funeral was early that morning, and the sky was clouded over as if the very weather mourned.. Éowyn sang the dirge of her people as Lorilei and Éomund were put in a barrow together, and then shut in. it was a harsh song, but coupled with mine own we described the sadness of their passing, and the joy of the after life. Éowyn shut herself in her room for the rest of the day, as did Éomer and Théodred, and Kera came to see me in my room.
"I hate having the sight!" she raged. She threw a glass ornament at me and I ducked, it smashed on the wall behind me.
"It would not change their death." I said, ducking again as yet another ornament whizzed past my head. Then she threw a small glass ivy leaf at me, which I caught. Of all my possessions, this was one of my favourites, and I was reluctant to let it fall victim to her rage.
She sank to the floor in tears, and I sat beside her, cradling her in my arms and staring at the glass ivy leaf. The glass had been coloured, and it very closely resembled the leaf it was styled after.
"Was it a gift from him?" she asked, also looking at the leaf.
"Yes." I said softly, remembering that Legolas had given it to me the day I left Mirkwood, or rather, he had slipped it into my bags without me seeing. "It was."
In 3008, when Éowyn was fifteen and Kera was seventeen, a messenger came to Rohan from Gondor. It seemed that Boromir had heard of my whereabouts and sent the messenger with news that Faramir was ill, and it seemed no one could cure him. Boromir, remembering how I had saved his mother when she was in childbed and how I had nursed them both through childhood ailments, had sent the messenger to request my presence in Gondor, that I might save Boromir's younger brother.
I agreed, and prepared to leave. The following morning I was just finishing packing, ready to leave as soon as possible. Kera was curious as to why this all meant so much to me, and I explained my earlier trip to Gondor to her.
"You're a mother to everyone!" she exclaimed.
"I try." I said dryly, packing the saddlebags.
"You will return to us?" I turned to where Éowyn stood in the doorway and embraced her.
"Of course! I would not leave you now, when you need me. I shall return, never you fear." Éowyn smiled weakly at me. I kissed her on the cheek, then walked past her then down to the stables, where I found Enya already saddled. The messenger from Gondor smiled at me.
"The prince will be glad to find that you have come." He said. I kissed my two 'daughters' goodbye and both Éomer and Théodred embraced me, at which I was surprised. Those two were never ones for shows of emotion. Théodan wished me well, and then we were off.
Whilst riding, I asked a question which had been nagging at me for a while.
"What of Lord Denethor?" the man's face tightened.
"He does not know of Boromir's request that you return to Gondor." He looked at me critically. "Though it hardly seems possible that one as young as yourself could care for both princes in infant hood."
"I am older than I look." Was all I said. "Why did Lord Denethor not send for me?"
"He believes Prince Faramir is weak, and is ill only to gain attention that he does not receive because he is not worthy of it." I had a feeling that the man was almost quoting Denethor's exact words. And all at once I was worried and displeased, that Denethor cared so little for his youngest son.
We arrived early in the morning, as the sun was rising over the mountains. We had ridden straight through the night, as the man was obviously very keen to return to his prince.
Boromir met us at the door to the citadel, looking as though he had not slept for days. Still, at thirty years old, he was a very handsome man, despite the lack of sleep that showed in his face.
"Jané." He said with a relieved smile. He bowed courteously, and I curtsied. "Come." He took my arm with a nod of thanks to the messenger, and led me through the citadel.
"You are well?" he asked me.
"I am. Boromir, what is this I hear that Denethor gives no aid to Faramir?" I asked urgently. Boromir sighed.
"It is true. My father does not see the goodness and quality in Faramir. He is to busy praising me to even notice Faramir." He said bitterly. We came to the door to the gold room, where Finduilas had recovered from Faramir's birth, and I walked in.
Denethor stood facing the man who lay pale and obviously very ill on the bed. His head snapped up when I entered.
"You!" he snarled. "Am I never to have peace from you?"
"Not when your sons need help." I answered, passing him and leaning over Faramir.
"He doesn't need help. He needs to grow up." Denethor sneered.
"And you need to open your eyes." I said softly. He said nothing, but slammed the door as he left.
I stroked Faramir's face. His eyes were sunken and his cheekbones stuck out further than was recommended.
"Faramir?" I asked quietly. He stirred. "Faramir, its Jané." His eyes cracked open, and his hand clumsily touched my face.
"You shouldn't come here for me." He said in a dry, cracked voice.
"I come for those who need my help." I answered. "Especially when they are loved ones."
"I don't want your pity." He said, turning his face away.
"I don't give it to you." I snapped. "I give only aid that you might get over this illness." Faramir closed his eyes and said nothing, and within minutes he was asleep.
Denethor and I avoided each other all week, until one day he summoned me into his presence. I had been caring for Faramir, who didn't seem to be improving, and had no time to change. I simply came as I was, in a plain blue dress with a gold coil holding my hair back. My hair had grown increasingly difficult to deal with, as it was going curly, and was unruly.
"My lord." I said, coming into the room. I dropped the perfunctory curtsey. "What is it? I am loathe to leave-"
"Faramir can wait." Denethor said harshly. He waved a hand and I suddenly noticed his guests, five elves dressed in Mirkwood green. Legolas was not among them, although the captain of the guard who had caught me when I was with Smeagol, and the bard who had walked in on me bathing were both there. "These are my guests, ambassadors from the Woodland Realm." I curtsied deeply to them.
"Lady Jané." The bard said with a bow. "Your beauty, as ever, surpasses all description." I smiled.
"You flatter me, my lord. Welcome to Gondor."
"Indeed." Denethor said, annoyed that I knew these elves. I could tell he was mad at me for showing him up, yet again. "Lady Jané, I would like you to stay for our negotiations, as you know elves and their ways far better than I."
I can't say much for his subtlety. He might have believed his true meaning disguised, but I could see in the eyes of all the elves, even the Captain of the Guard, that they were disgusted at his plan of using me as a way of getting them to do as he pleased, as though I was a hostage, not a guest.
"My lord, I came here to care for your son, not sit in on your negotiations with surrounding kingdoms." I protested.
"My son is not as ill as he would have you believe." Denethor said
"I believe you are mistaken." I said boldly.
"He is my son!" Denethor growled, rising and taking a step towards me. I did not flinch.
"And I raised him, my lord. And I have a thorough grounding in medicine. The prince is ill, my lord, no matter what you think."
"I am Steward of Gondor." Denethor said, a warning.
"Which does not make you a doctor. I am a lady of Rivendell." I replied furiously. "And more besides. I am well versed in medicine, my lord, and I know your son is ill. And I find myself forced to decline your invitation to sit in on your meeting."
"You will not." Denethor growled. I glanced at the elves. I had met almost all of them at some point in my stay at Mirkwood, and I could see they were all tense, ready to slip into combat positions at any time.
"My lord, I will not attend any of your meetings with ambassadors from anywhere until your son's health has improved. Now, if you will excuse me." I curtsied and turned away.
"I have not yet dismissed you!" Denethor snarled.
"I am well versed in medicine." One of the elves stepped in. He was of high rank, I could tell by his clothes and the way the other deferred to him. "If the lady Jané did not disapprove, I could look at the prince and offer my opinion."
"That will not be necessary." Denethor said rudely, even as I smiled at him.
"My thanks, my lord." I said to the elf. "Excuse me, Lord Denethor." I said. Then I turned and led the elf to the gold room. As we approached, Boromir ran towards us.
"He's gone mad, Jané! He wont listen to any of us and he keeps talking about Queens, like in the stories you told us as children. And how Osgiliath was doomed, and how Minas Tirith would burn!"
I sped up, the elf behind me effortlessly keeping pace with me. Soon we were running down the halls towards the gold room, and as we approached, I became able to hear Faramir's ravings. At the door the elf caught my arm.
"He could be dangerous, my lady." He said. I looked at him.
"I am not afraid of a boy I raised from infanthood." I said levelly. He nodded, understanding more than I had said, and let me go.
We went into the room, and while the elf went round to the side of the bed, I hitched up my skirts and crawled across it, grabbing at Faramir's arms as he thrashed around. I missed his arm as he flung it about, and it caught my chin, snapping my head back and making me lose my balance so I fell to the floor. I grimaced and stood back up, ignoring the elf's concerned look, and grasped both of Faramir's wrists, holding them tightly.
"Faramir!" I said sternly. "Faramir stop it!"
"Mother!" he screamed. "Make it stop!" I was a little hurt by this, since it had been I who had brought him up since he was four, but pushed the hurt aside, and remembering Finduilas as best I could, drew the glamour over me as I had been taught as Denarssa, until my dark hair seemed to lighten to golden brown and my eyes darkened from blue to brown.
"Faramir, beloved." I murmured, catching his face in my hands. The elf beside cast me a startled look, as I now resembled Finduilas more than I did myself. Faramir stilled, and looked up at me with wild blue eyes. "Faramir, my love. Calm yourself." My voice belonged to the Finduilas I remembered.
"Mother? But you..."
"I am back to help you. But I may not stay." I said.
"Are the halls of Mandos nice, like Jané say they are?" I heard the elf chuckle.
"They are beautiful, and I am happy here, though I miss you. I'm watching over you from there, my love."
"I'm glad you like them." Faramir said with a sigh. "Can you make the visions stop?" he asked urgently.
"I think they are necessary, my love. Simply watch them, then tell Jané when you wake. Do not be afraid, dearest. I love you."
"Don't go!" Faramir said frantically, grabbing my wrist.
"Be at peace, my son." I said softly. "Let me go." Faramir stared at me, then slowly let my wrist go. He lay back and closed his eyes, and I dropped the glamour, instantly becoming myself again. When Faramir opened his eyes again, it was I that he looked at, not his mother.
"Mother came." Faramir said wearily.
"What did she tell you?" I asked quietly.
"Not to fear. I don't think I do, anymore." He said.
"Finduilas would be proud, my prince. Sleep now." I passed my hand over his forehead, and he relaxed into a deep sleep.
Outside the gold room, the elf took my arm.
"My lady..." he began. I smiled tiredly.
"I am Lady Eldira Jané."
"Lord Alkar. How did you do that?"
"It's a magic I was taught when I lived at the Hidden City." I answered. "It can be useful, in instances such as that." I gestured at the closed door to the gold room. "However, it can be misused, and it is only taught to a select few."
"Yes. That is understandable." There was a cry from the great hall, and we both turned to look down the corridor.
"What is it?" I asked, automatically deferring to his elven hearing.
"The Prince has arrived." He said, taking my arm and near enough dragging me down the corridor. At the entrance I yanked my arm back and smoothed my hair, touching my bruised jaw gingerly. "How is it?" he asked me.
"Bruised and probably swollen."
"A tiny difference, my lady." He said with a smile. "Come." I followed him into the hall, where I could see Legolas talking to Denethor. The bard, Deiran, came forward when he saw me. Neither Legolas nor Denethor took any notice.
"How is he?" Deiran asked.
"Better, my lord." I said softly. "He called for his mother, and so I brought her to him.
"Isn't his mother..."
"She is, but I used a glamour to make him believe she had returned."
"It seems that the Lady Jané has been spreading our beliefs." Said Alkar with a laugh.
"It is what I believe." I answered in my own defence. "And when the princes asked what happened to people when they died, I answered they went to a hall for themselves in the Halls of Mandos, for were not men children of the Ilúvatar as well?" I asked with a smile, and Alkar smiled back.
"So is my son recovered?" Denethor asked sulkily. I turned to see both Denethor and Legolas watching me. I saw Legolas' gaze drop to my chin and his eyes narrow. I sighed. No matter what Alkar had said, Legolas had sharp eyes.
"He sleeps." I answered with a curtsey in their direction. I walked forward. "But he is not recovered, my lord. He is ill." I had said this many times, and yet Denethor never seemed to believe me. Even now, he snorted.
"Lady Jané, this is Prince Legolas of the Woodland realm." I curtsied deeply to him, and held out my hand, which he took and kissed, his eyes never leaving mine.
"It is a pleasure." He murmured.
"An honour." I answered. Denethor seemed confused by the amused expressions on all the other elves faces as Legolas and I 'met', when the whole of the Mirkwood party knew we were very close, if they did not believe we were lovers.
"What happened to your jaw?" Denethor asked. I glared at Alkar over Legolas' shoulder, who had said it had been barely noticeable with elven eyes, and yet Denethor had said it, and his eyesight wasn't the best. Legolas' eyes narrowed, and I withdrew my hand from his grasp.
"The Prince Faramir was frantic." Alkar said smoothly, stepping in.
"I was trying to restrain him when I got in the way of one of his hands." I said simply.
"He struck you?" Legolas asked. He sounded calm, but I knew he was furious.
"Not intentionally, my prince." Alkar said with a bow, as if he knew that Legolas would not believe me.
"It was my own fault for getting in the way." I added.
"Faramir shall be punished." Denethor said.
"You wouldn't dare!" I burst out, then clapped my hand over my mouth and curtsied deeply, bowing my head. Now I had really messed up.
"Oh, my lady? And may I remind you who his father is, and who is Lord of this city?" I was so, so tempted to say that he was no lord, only a steward, but I held my tongue.
"It would not be wise, my lord," Legolas began, "To punish one who is already ill. The Lady Jané is famed for her skill at medicine, and so if she says the Prince is ill, then he most certainly is." I was surprised at Legolas defending me, although I did not linger long on it.
"You are dismissed, Lady Jané." Denethor said grandly, and I rose and left without a backwards glance.
That night I stood on the top level of the city, and the very point of the high court, and looked up at the stars. They were so clear that night, though the ever-present cloud over Mordor masked them from my sight.
I knew of his presence only when his hand went to rest on the small of my back, as he stood behind me and slightly to the side. It made me jump, and I glanced behind me to see him staring out over Mordor.
"What were you thinking?" He asked me. I returned my gaze to the stars.
"How beautiful they are." I answered. "I believe that, too, is something I picked up from growing up with elves." Legolas pressed his lips against the side of my head and I leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder.
"Why are you here?" he asked me.
"I could ask you the same question." I retorted calmly.
"Denethor says he wishes an alliance with the elves." Legolas answered. I snorted.
"He lies."
"I know. I just want to know the real reason he asked us to come here. That is the only reason I am here." I nodded, and Legolas took my hand and kissed the knuckles, even as I curled my fingers around his.
"So why are you here?" he pressed.
"Boromir sent for me." I answered. His hand tightened around mine.
"Boromir?" he asked.
"Do not be jealous Legolas." I chided gently. "Boromir sent for me because he cares for his brother, and he too, has heard of my healing skills." I said with a small laugh. Legolas' grip relaxed somewhat.
"Lady Jané!" I heard a servant running in our direction, and I broke free of Legolas and turned to the woman. "The Prince Faramir is asking for you." I nodded, touched Legolas on the shoulder, and then left him there, standing at the tip of the citadel, staring out to the east.
Faramir was awake when I walked into his room, and he smiled at me as I walked around the edge of the bed. I sat on the edge of the bed and felt his forehead and smiled. His fever had broken.
"Auntie Jané." He said in a teasing voice. "Always around when we need you." I smiled at him.
"I try. How are you feeling?"
"Weak. A little tired, but no longer wracked with visions. I saw mother." I raised my eyebrows.
"You did?"
"She came and told me to listen to you, and that it would all be well, and that you were a Queen to the West, and that you would care for me. And she also told me to tell you to be careful with Boromir." He looked puzzled, and I felt very confused.
What he had just told me was nothing like what I had told him in the guise of Finduilas. Somehow I did not believe that Finduilas truly had returned from the halls of Mandos to speak with her younger son.
"What did she look like?" I asked.
"All shining and white, and glowing with a blue light. She looked...younger, I suppose, like she was barely more than a girl."
Maybe Finduilas had returned, or else Faramir's fever had caused him to dream her.
"I also saw you, although you looked a lot like Finduilas did, as I remember." Faramir added. "But I could tell it was you." I nodded.
"I spent the much time by your sickbed." I answered.
"I dreamt that you did, and that you made the dreams leave me for a time." I smiled.
"Sleep now, my prince." I said gently. "You are still recovering." He nodded, and his head rested on the pillow and his eyes shut, and soon his breathing slowed and levelled, and I stood from his sickbed and saw Alkar standing in the doorway.
"He seems much improved." He commented.
"His fever has broken." I said, and he nodded, his eyes still on the young prince.
"He loves you, you know." He said suddenly, looking at me with piercing blue eyes.
"I know." I said, resting my eyes on Faramir. "I brought him up from age five. I would be surprised if he did not love me." Alkar nodded.
"That would explain what was puzzling me." He said. I looked up at him.
"What puzzled you?"
"He loves you greatly, but not as one would love a lover."
"I brought up both princes from five years. I cared for Boromir while the Lady Finduilas cared for Faramir, then I cared for them both after she faded."
"She was elven-kind?" Alkar looked at me, startled.
"No." I said slowly, "But I believe she had elven blood in her. After the birth of Faramir Denethor became distant, and she missed her childhood home by the sea. I believe that she faded due to deprivation of both."
"But her children?"
"Were not a strong enough force to keep her here." I answered quietly. He nodded.
"It is sorrowful, that they should both lose their mother to be left with only you. This entire city seems cold."
"It is." I agreed. "And I left a year later, at Boromir's urging, that Denethor would not banish me permanently."
"Why would he do that?" Alkar asked.
"We argued often." I said with a shrug. "I ran his family, his household, and practically his city, but I had no power. I was allowed only to see problems, never fix them. And despite my having jurisdiction over both children, Denethor still controlled what they did, and did not react well to my protests." Alkar nodded. "Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll take this chance to get some sleep." He smiled at me.
"Don't let me stop you." I grinned and walked past him to my chambers.
The following morning I found that the Mirkwood planned to leave the day after. Legolas invited me to travel with their party north, but I declined, preferring to stay with Faramir, who, although improving quickly, was still unwell.
That evening, I left Faramir's bedroom smiling. Faramir was very much improved, laughing and talking with me. He had eaten and rested, and was now very much on the way to recovery, so much so that I considered returning with the Mirkwood party, although in the end I decided against it, unwilling to leave Faramir in case he became unwell again.
"Jané!" Boromir came up behind me. I turned. "May we talk?" he asked. I nodded. "Walk with me." We walked through the halls of the citadel in near silence.
"How is Faramir?" he asked. I smiled.
"Well. He is recovering quickly." We came out of the citadel onto the High Court.
"Jané? Can I ask you something?" I turned my gaze from the White Tree to his face.
"Of course." I answered. "What is it?"
"I've been thinking about it for a long time, and I promised myself I'd ask you next time I had a chance. So here I am."
"Boromir." I said softly. "What is it?"
"Will you marry me?" for a moment I stood there, mouth open like a fish.
"Oh, Boromir." I said eventually, slowly shaking my head. "No."
"Why not?" he asked me, almost annoyed. "It will be a good marriage for you, well above your station." At this, I grew annoyed.
"Thank you, Boromir, for assuming I would want to marry at all." I said snippily.
"Many women would do much to be in your place." He said arrogantly.
"Marry them then!" I snapped.
"You will marry me, you know." He said, turning to look at Gondor. "I am a prince, and you are a court lady."
Now I was furious. The gibes about me being a court lady did not annoy me greatly, but it was his arrogance at assuming that I would gladly marry him. I tried to regain my composure.
"Boromir, I will not marry you, for three reasons. For one, I think of you as my son, not as my husband or even as my lover. Secondly, I am more than half again your age. And thirdly, I doubt I will ever marry at all, to any man."
"Come, Jané." He said, turning to me. "You would be Lady of Gondor." And a widow, I was tempted to snap. Then I suddenly realised I had no way of knowing that I would be his widow should I marry him.
"I do not want to be Lady of Gondor, Boromir. I am quite content being Lady Jané."
"What better marriage could you find?" he asked me, irritated. "A court lady married to her prince! It would be miles above your station, and any expectation you could expect to have!" I had a strange feeling then, that made me uncomfortable, but I ignored it.
"For your information, Boromir, it would be like a court lady married to her son, and I'm sure no one approves of that!" I snapped. "And for another thing, I am not simply a court lady. My station, unknown as it is to many, including yourself, is far above that of both yourself and your father! So if I did indeed marry you, which I wont, by the way, I would be marrying below my station, and it would be you who are marrying far above your station, and any expectations you could expect to have! So you have my answer, Prince Boromir. I shall not marry you." I turned on my heel and stalked back into the citadel, furious at both him for making me lose my temper in a way I hadn't since I left Rivendell, and at myself for losing it. I stalked past Deiran, and he grabbed my arm and I shook him off furiously.
"My lady." He said courteously, but his eyes were wary of me.
"Lord Deiran." I said politely, struggling to keep my voice under control despite being so furious at Boromir I could barely breathe. "Would you please tell Prince Legolas that I would be honoured to travel with the Mirkwood party north until we pass the White Mountains, where I shall head West for Edoras."
"My lady, are you sure?" he asked me.
"I am positive." I answered with a small smile. "My continued presence here would cause problems."
"Would you like to talk about it?" he asked me. I did want to vent my rage on somebody, but I did not think Deiran was the right somebody. Maybe later.
"Not at the moment." I said gently. "But I would truly appreciate it if you could tell Legolas."
"I shall, my lady." He said, then he turned and walked away.
In my room, I began hastily packing bags. I wanted to talk to Faramir and explain my sudden departure. I wasn't sure he'd understand, but I figured at least he wouldn't ask me to marry him, as he still called me Auntie Jané in moments of weakness.
There was a knock on the door.
"Who is it?" I asked. I really did not want to speak to any male at the moment, I was likely to slap them at the slightest mistake.
"Lady Freya." Came the answer. I unlocked the door and showed her in, locking the door behind her. She saw my packing.
"You are leaving?" she asked me. She had a truly beautiful voice, when she was speaking and when she was singing.
"I am. I leave with the elves in the morning."
"Why?"
"My time her is over. What is it you wanted?" I asked.
"If you are busy, I shall return." She said, heading for the door.
"No, no." I said hastily. "Please sit. How can I help?"
"Well, I don't know if you know it, you seemed completely oblivious to it before, but Boromir is in love with you." I grimaced.
"I know. He told me earlier today, when he asked me to marry him."
"Are you?"
"No. I doubt I shall marry at all, and if I do, it will not be to someone I regard as my son." I smiled at her and I smiled in return.
"I am almost relieved." She said. I touched her shoulder.
"I know you love him, and I am sorry that it happened this way, that he loved someone who could not love him back the way he so desires."
"This is why you are leaving?" she asked.
"It is. If I stay, Boromir will take his case to his father, who will try to force me to bow to the wishes of his favourite son. And with the whole city behind him, I would have no choice. So I am leaving."
"What of Faramir?" she asked.
"He is well on the way to recovery." I said with a smile. "I have left instructions on that paper, there." I pointed. "I hope to speak with him myself later, to explain personally why I am leaving him now."
"I shall care for him, if it makes you feel better." She offered. I grinned.
"It would make me feel much better." I said, closing the saddlebags and fastening them tightly. "And if you could contact me when he is better? I am at Rohan, and many of the messenger pigeons know the way." She nodded.
"I shall."
"Good. Now I shall go speak to Faramir."
I did not meet anyone on my way to or from Faramir's room, for which I was grateful. Faramir understood, as I thought he would; though he took it far less seriously than I thought he would, saying Boromir would be over me soon enough, and so I could return, but he agreed I should leave now. I was glad that at least some people in this city were thinking rationally.