We set out early the following morning, and as I looked over my shoulder, I
saw the White Tower of Gondor shining in the morning sun, and I was
suddenly glad I had gotten away, and I felt, somehow, that I had escaped a
trap that had been carefully set. The thought made me shudder.
Legolas watched me very carefully for the first morning, quite aware that I had been in a major dispute with both Boromir and his father, although he didn't know what it was. I avoided him, talking to Deiran about my life at Edoras, which he seemed to find fascinating, and looking around me at the scenery, because it seemed every time I passed through this part of the world, I was in a huge hurry.
This time, though, that was not the case. In fact, I'm sure that Legolas went even slower than necessary, and as he set the pace, so did everyone else.
He caught up with me and very obviously excused me from Deiran's presence, the better to talk with him. Deiran and I exchanged amused glances at the prince's unusual lack of subtlety, but then I was too busy trying to answer Legolas to do anything else.
"Why did you leave Gondor so suddenly?" He asked me. His abruptness and forwardness surprised me, used to the much more subtle and conniving side of Legolas.
"I- Legolas, since when did you become so forward?" I demanded, half annoyed.
"Since I saw the looks the elder prince was sending in your direction. What did you do, reject his marriage proposal?" I only raised an eyebrow, sure that he must have heard the whole exchange with Boromir, so there was no point in telling him. Legolas looked at me and laughed.
"You did! No wonder he looked like he had been sucking lemons!" I frowned.
"You mean you didn't hear us? I thought the whole city had!"
"Well, if you will choose the top citadel." The head of the Mirkwood guard, who I learnt was called Calren, rode past us.
"The top citadel?" Legolas looked like he was quite enjoying himself, though whether it was because of my discomfiture, my rejection or Boromir's embarrassment, I didn't know.
"There's no need for you to be quite so amused by all this." I sniffed.
"The Prince of Gondor, asking the Queen of Anorondor to marry him!" Legolas looked like he might be considering hysterics.
"If you don't shut up right now I'm going to talk to Calren and Deiran for the rest of the journey, and you'll be bereft of my company." I threatened. After a few more giggles, (giggles from the Prince of Mirkwood!) he shut up.
"You're too kind." I sneered. Legolas bowed from his saddle.
That night Legolas and I lay side by side on the ground, staring at the blue velvet sky and Legolas was attempting to teach me the names of the stars local to the east of the continent. I was having trouble focusing on the stars rather than Legolas, who looked amazing in the dim light of stars and crescent moon.
"Are you listening?" he asked me, turning his head on its side to face me, his blue eyes dark in the shadow.
"No." I answered with a smile. Legolas chuckled, and turned on his side.
"Stars don't interest you?" he asked.
"Not as much as they seem to interest you." I shot back. "I'm just finding it hard to concentrate, is all." Legolas grinned slyly, never one to let modesty get in the way of reasoning. He poked me in the stomach and I curled up, giggling. He had discovered exactly how and where I was ticklish long ago on one of his visits to Rivendell, after my traitor brother held me down and showed Legolas. As Legolas was still reeling from bathtub full of tadpoles, he had gladly tickled me until I nearly fainted from laughter.
"Don't you dare." I said quietly, curled up.
"I wouldn't." Legolas pulled me towards him and I slowly uncurled, fitting my body to his and resting my head against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me, and it was only when he held on a little too tight did I realised exactly what I was doing.
"Legolas, don't you-" I shrieked and he tickled me, but I couldn't move, and he had artfully tangled us up so that he could move sufficiently to tickle me, but I couldn't move at all, except to shriek and laugh.
"Jané, shush!" he berated me, still tickling.
"You..." I ran out of words I could call him before I'd even opened my mouth, and he grinned, and stopped tickling me.
"Had enough?" he asked, propped over me on his elbows. I could practically feel his heartbeat we were so close. I nodded. He grinned.
"You're awful." I complained. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and kissed my temple.
"But you love me anyway." He said with as much of a shrug as he could manage from the position he was in. I rolled my eyes, and he leant down and pressed a gentle kiss on my lips.
"I don't want you to leave." He said softly, his blue eyes meeting my green.
"You know I have to." I answered. His face set in stubborn lines.
"You could stay with me." He said.
"No, love, I cant. You know that." Legolas frowned at me. "You would have me abandon Kera, and Éowyn and Eomer and Theodred?" Legolas rolled off me and lay beside me, my hand tightly clasped in his.
"Sometimes I wished that time would not exist." He said finally. "That we might stay here forever."
"But would you not miss the changing of the seasons?" I asked gently. "The wheeling of the stars across the sky?" I turned my head to look at him, and he met my gaze.
"I'd have you forever." He whispered. I smiled. "And I'd give up seasons and stars for that."
"I pray you'll never have to." I said quietly.
Four days later I left the group and headed west to Edoras. My thoughts, as I'm sure he intended, were consumed by Legolas. He was like a drug, and the moment I'd gotten myself off him, I saw him again and I didn't think I could let him go. A good part of me wanted to continue with him onto Mirkwood, and not look back. But I was a Queen, and a queen cant do that. For someone who's meant to have a lot of power, a queen ends up being pretty helpless when its something that means much to her.
I arrived after three days at Edoras, and I was given a warm welcome as Éowyn and Kera flew down the front steps and swamped me in hugs and joyful cries. I hadn't realised how much I had missed them both, and I wondered at how I could have considered going with Legolas and not coming back.
I returned to my station as lady of the Hall, but I had traveler's illness, and I wanted to be off again, riding as I had done before I had settled down for the last eight years. But I suppressed it, as Éowyn really needed taming enough to become both the beautiful lady of Meduseld, and the striking warrior princess she aspired to be. In the process, I had the task of taming Kera, who would be Steward of Mordor, and I'm not sure which one aged me most. I grew up in Rohan and it changed me, more than I could possibly imagine.
"Where have they gone?" I demanded of a servant. Ela, the servant, spread her hands imploringly.
"I told you, my lady. I don't know. They simply said they were going for a walk, and I haven't seen them since." I stamped my foot in annoyance, and smiled at Ela.
"I know it isn't your fault." I said with an apologetic smile. "Keeping track of those two is like trying to keep track of two cockroaches given free reign around a rather large building." Ela looked rather taken aback by my unorthodox description and I smiled and left, heading for the guard towers.
"THEY WHAT!" I yelled. I was doing too much of that.
"I thought I saw them disappear into the forest." The other guard said. He looked confused as to why this was a problem.
"Do you never leave this place?" I demanded furiously. "Have you not heard the name of said forest, the name that starts with F and ends in angorn?" I rolled my eyes as he looked totally clueless. "That forest is Fangorn forest you addlebrained fool, and the niece of your king and a future steward have just gone in it!" I huffed and spun, running down the stairs and calling for Enya to be saddled. Ten minutes later, I sat on Enya, my gray velvet cloak with the red embroidered trees wrapped tightly around me as Enya cantered across the plains of Rohan.
As I approached the border of the forest she slowed to a walk and stamped her foot. I slid off her. "I know." I said, peering into the dark forest. "I don't like it either." I swung myself back onto the saddle, and settled the big silver cloak around me, then entered the forest.
The trees were oppressive, all around me, closing in...I felt claustrophobic.
I suddenly wished Legolas was next to me, not that that was anything new, but I dearly craved his humour and his knowledge about trees that comes with being an elf.
I listened closely for any sound of the girls, but all was silent. Literally. Apart from the sound of Enya and myself, there was no other noise.
Enya picked her way along narrow paths, never stumbling. I let the reins be loose in my hands, allowing her to choose her own way. In a forest this dense, one way was as good as another, and I didn't know my way, so I let Enya find her own.
"My lady. It is good to see you again." I looked behind me, and saw the white wizard, Saruman. I nodded.
"The two girls you are after are with a friend. Does that comfort you?" A knot of panic twisted in my stomach. "I see it does not. Please, my lady. I shall lead you to them, and you may bring them home with you." I nodded. I had always heard Saruman was the wisest and most trustworthy of the Istari, and I had no reason to distrust him other than Kera's feelings. I turned Enya around, and Saruman took the bridle.
"The way is treacherous." He said softly. "I shall lead you." We had not gone two paces when there was a thud, and Enya reared, throwing me to the ground. Enya fled, and I saw the arrow sticking out from her rear haunch.
"Saruman!" I cried. "Be wary."
"For what, dear lady?" he asked. I spun to face him, and he smiled at me. Then something his me from behind, and I blacked out.
I woke upon a great black bed, with black silk sheets. When I looked around, I could see the entire room was done in black, and I posed a striking difference in my pale yellow and sky blue dress. I walked to the window and pushed aside the great black curtains. I could see the great damn of the river Isen, and realised I was at Isengard. I ran to the door and tried to open it, but it was locked. I banged on it until my hands bled, and then I retreated to the bed, a great sick feeling in my stomach.
I was there for two hours, by the sun's movement before it sank below the horizon, before the door opened. I quickly put the bed between and my visitor, until I saw the familiar blonde hair and concerned blue eyes.
"Legolas!" I cried, not moving. "What are you-"
"Shush." He held up a hand to quiet me. "Be still, love. It's alright."
"But Saruman-"
"Shush." He came round to my side of the bed and took my hands, but when I winced he frowned, and looked down.
"What did you do?" He demanded.
"Panicked." I said wryly. Legolas kissed my forehead.
"Do not worry, my love. Everything will be alright." I smiled up at him and he kissed me softly on the lips, then again, more possessively. A thought ran around my mind but I was too idle and enjoying myself too much to bother to chase it.
When he lay me back on the bed I just looked up at him, pale and beautiful above me. Then I reached up and he came to me, and I loved him more than anything. It seemed he loved me too, as he looked down on me, our bodies loving each other as our hearts did.
But then his eyes changed, and the blue became hard and dark, no longer beautiful midnight but hard sapphire, and his body hurt me. He paid no attention to my protests as he moved above me, and when he came it was hard, and he collapsed over me. He rolled off me and fell asleep almost instantly.
Tears welled in my eyes and I turned on my side until I faced the open window, where the dark sky was sprinkled with glittering diamond stars. I rose, taking the sheet with me about my bruised and mistreated body, and stood by the window, dressed only in the black silk as the cold wind from the mountains blew across my pale skin, raising goosebumps.
I must have stood there for hours, for when I rose the moon was on the other side of the tower, but even as I stood the cold white light shone on my face. I turned back to the sleeping figure, and he turned to face me, his features in shadow. I moved slightly so the moonlight fell on his face, and even as I watched the face changed, making me clutch the sheet closer to my body.
The man who now lay in my bed was still blonde haired, with high cheekbones, but his skin was darker, his hair more gold than white. I had slight comfort from the fact that it had not been Legolas who had so misused me, but I still felt sick and hurt. Even though I knew it had not been Legolas, my heart still rebelled against my mind, and when I moved back into the moonlight so that his face was in shadow, I could see his face change again, and then lying in the moonlight, eyes open and watching me, was Legolas.
"My love, come back to bed." I shook my head, before I realised it was safer if I did not act as though I knew this Legolas was not the true Legolas.
"In a moment." I said quietly, turning back to the window. He came up from behind me, staying out of the white light that poured through the window. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" I asked suddenly. "The moon. More lovely than the stars or anything else, though I still do not understand how stars do not interest you, as they do your brethren." I held my breath, wondering if he would take my bait, and how well Saruman had trained this man for whatever purpose he had.
"I am one of the few who prefer the moon to the stars." He said quietly. My heart tightened, and I sighed. I noticed that my hands were gripping the sheet so tightly my knuckles were white, and I forcibly relaxed them, so that my tension did not give me away. He touched my shoulder, and I made myself stand still under his hands even though all I wanted to do was sidle away, and run all the way to Rivendell, where I could hide and cry.
"Come back to bed, love." He said, and took my arm. I had no choice but to follow.
Over the next few weeks of my captivity, he came to me many times, always in thee guise of Legolas. He was not always as rough with me as he had been the first time, and I finally identified the thought that had eluded me that first night: he hadn't smelt right. Similar, but not right. It made my stomach churn.
After a while I stopped eating, feeling sick with both myself and my predicament. When my cycle failed to come with the waning of the moon, as it had done for fifty odd years, I locked my emotions tight inside me, where they wailed and screamed with despair.
One morning I watched Saruman and the golden haired man ride out of the tower, and I quickly changed from the dresses I had been made to wear at Isengard to the yellow and blue dress I had arrived in. it was dirty and almost ragged, but I refused to take anything with me.
I met no one as I managed to pick the lock after an hour of trying. I made my way down many stairs, feeling sick and weak. I had not eaten in days, maybe weeks. I had lost count.
I stumbled across the courtyard, past the great oak trees. When I came to the gate, I strictly forbade myself to slump down and cry. It was pretty much open land from here to Edoras, and on foot I would be spotted and recaptured easily.
Nevertheless, I started walking, and before long I heard the sound of hoof beats, and though inside I crumbled in defeat, I refused to stop moving or even to look behind me. It was only when a warm nose nuzzled my arm did I look up. Enya stood looking at me out of great brown eyes which seemed to hold sympathy, even though she was a horse. I smiled weakly and petted her nose. She sank to her knees and I literally crawled onto her, and she stood up again. She had lost all her tack, and I didn't know or care where.
She traveled far and at good speed, though her gait seemed smoother than it should be. One evening she set me down, bending her knees and tilting a little so I slid off. I wanted to keep riding, but once on the floor, my knees gave way and I fell to the floor and was thoroughly sick. When I looked up, spitting bile out of my mouth, Enya nuzzled my neck, then stuck her nose into a prickly bush with purple flowers. She did not eat, although she met my eyes and pulled her nose out. I crawled over and touched the bush, trying to remember what it was. When it finally came to me, I stared at Enya in amazement. It was Endleweed, which, aside from being nearly impossible to get rid of once it took root in your garden, was an abortofactant. Enya just blinked at me and started grazing, as if to say, 'I found you the plant, now it's up to you.' I grinned, then started shredding the leaves, feeling more energetic than I had in weeks.
I didn't really want to have a miscarriage while on horseback, but if I left it much longer either the plant wouldn't work, or it could kill both myself and the baby inside of me.
The leaves tasted bitter and acrid in my mouth, and I struggled to swallow. By this point, it was nearly full dark, and Enya looked like she was asleep. I lay down on the nearest patch of softish grass, and fell asleep, curled up to fend off the cold.
The next morning I felt no different, apart from the fact I was stiff. I clambered onto Enya who very patiently stood through my clumsiness, and then we were off. By midday I was feeling very, very ill, my stomach roiling and cramping, and eventually I slid off Enya and lay breathless on the ground, holding back the moans of pain from the tight cramps that seemed to be ripping my entire being apart. Enya stood over me, rather like a guard, and we stayed in that position well into the night, when I eventually passed into unconsciousness.
I woke the next day around midmorning, and felt strangely empty. The ground around me seemed soaked with blood, and my skirts were wet with it. I both felt and looked disgusting. But I could tell the abortion had been a success.
Enya was nowhere that I could see, and with land as flat as Rohan, I could see a long way. Grumbling softly to myself, I began the long walk towards Edoras, ignoring the feeling that I'd lost control of my bladder. I'd been unfortunate to have been lying on my skirts when I miscarried, and now I was paying the price.
Evening came, and the whole land seemed to turn a silvery pink colour as the last rays of the sun mixed with the first rays of velvet night the sound of many horses slowly became louder, and I resigned myself to being caught. The chances of it being Rohan seemed very slim, as they almost assuredly assumed me dead, and Isengard probably wanted me back.
The idea that neither Éowyn nor Kera had made it back made me nearly cry, but I angrily brushed the tears away. Tears could be shed later. The sound of hoofbeats grew louder, until a small group of horses came over the rise and sped towards me.
It was only when they grew closer that I realised it really was the Rohirrim, and that Rohan, not Isengard, had found me.
The horses surrounded me, and I simply stood and stared up at the four men so familiar to me. Théodan, Théodred, Éomer and most important of all, Aragorn, all sat on horses before me. Then Aragorn swung down and wrapped me in a tight hug, kissing my hair and murmuring how he'd never let me out of his sight again. Then Théodan hugged me also, and Éomer, though Théodred did not. I knew him well though, and I rested my hand on his shoulder after he dismounted.
"I am glad to see you." I said softly. He nodded once, then swiftly embraced me. I smiled.
"What happened?" Aragorn asked, his gaze fixed to my blood soaked skirts. Tears sprang to my eyes, and his gaze narrowed.
"Not now." I said very softly. He nodded once, then sat me up onto his horse, and then swung up behind me. The king and his son and nephew mounted as well, and the entire company rode back at a canter to Edoras, at which point I blacked out again.
I woke up in my room at Edoras, and Aragorn sat beside me, watching me even as I woke. I felt clean for the first time in months, and knew that someone had taken it upon themselves to clean me up, for which I was very grateful.
Aragorn and I just looked at each other for a long while, before I sighed and closed me eyes again, knowing exactly what it was that Aragorn wanted me to tell him, and really wishing I didn't have to.
"I'll send for Legolas if you don't." Aragorn said eventually. "he always did know how to get information out of you better than I did." My eyes flew open.
"No!" I exclaimed, sitting bolt upright in bed. The covers fell to my waist, leaving me in a thin white nightgown through which a cold draft made me shiver. Aragorn took my hand.
"What happened?" he almost snarled. I glanced at him, startled at his tone of voice, and suddenly realised how it had looked. He had retrieved his little sister that had been covered in blood and panicked at the name of the man she supposedly loved.
"I'm sorry." I whispered. He moved from the chair by the bed to the bed itself, sitting in front of me and taking my face in his hands.
"Do you trust me?" he asked me quietly in elvish. I nodded. "Then tell me."
So I did. I told him all, how I had set off after Éowyn and Kera and had lost them in the forest. How I had found Saruman, and was attacked, and awoke in Isengard, where a man as Legolas came to me. I did not go into detail at this point, but Aragorn knew. If not only from the way I found it difficult to tell but from the blood also on my skirts.
He sat silent and listened all the way through. That was one of the wonderful things about Aragorn – he was a marvelous listener. When I had finished his hand squeezed mine.
"Again we see the worth in our little queen." He said softly. He gently pushed me back onto the bed and tucked the covers up around my chin. "you did well, my little sister, the best you could have done." He smiled. "And Kera and Éowyn returned that evening, with no knowledge of the trouble they've caused." He kissed me on the forehead and stood. "Sleep, little one. You deserve it." Then he left, shutting the door behind him, and I fell asleep.
I awoke to a whispered argument.
"We should wait till she wakes up!"
"That could be for hours! Do you really want to sit here for hours?"
"We should." Said one doubtfully.
I opened one eye, and saw Éowyn and Kera sitting by the bed, heads together as they argued in whispers.
"but Aragorn said we shouldn't." Kera said.
"I can't believe he left before I got to meet him." Éowyn complained. I was a bit disappointed that he had left myself, although I was glad he had come in the first place.
"Sh! You'll wake her!" Kera scolded.
"She's already awake." Éowyn said triumphantly, finally catching sight of me watching her. Kera spun, almost falling off her chair.
"Jané!" she said delightedly. She touched my cheek gently. "How are you?"
"Better, thank you" I said with a small smile. Éowyn smiled.
"We were so worried when Enya returned without you! We heard, of course, that you had gone after us. But we expected you to return also when you did not find us, not stay away for months."
"It was not my decision to stay so long." I said quietly.
Kera stroked my cheek softly, and a tear traveled down her face. "I am so terribly sorry." She whispered. "I am sorry I was the cause of this, your grace." It was the first time she had used a formal title to me, and it surprised me. I brushed the tear away with a finger, and she bowed her head at my touch. I rose half out of the bed and kissed her forehead.
"You could not have known." I murmured, using the old language of Mordor. Éowyn looked very confused, well as she might, but this did not include her. I could feel the despair radiating off Kera – all her life she had known she would be steward of Mordor, and she had spent her albeit small lifetime training to fill that position, and yet and she sent her queen into danger that had nearly cost me everything.
"Peace, steward." I murmured, still in Mordor. "I lay no blame at your feet."
"I lay it at mine own." She answered, her voice slightly shocked at the formal use of her title, which I had never used before.
"Then stop. It is a lesson taught and a lesson learned. Let it be." She nodded.
"Excuse me?" Éowyn put in. we turned to her. "I don't want to seem rude, but can we all talk in a language I understand? It's very confusing when you don't." I smiled, and held my hand out to her. She took it.
"We're so sorry." She whispered, suddenly looking older than her mere seventeen. "We don't know how to show it."
"I know you're sorry." I replied. "And you need not show it any way, since I can see it in your eyes."
"They have been truly repentant." Théodan said from the door. "I have never seen either behave so well in all the ten years they have been together."
"And I cast no blame at either. They could not have known the consequences of their actions." I answered. Théodan nodded, seemingly satisfied. He came towards the bedside, and both younger girls moved out the way.
"You are well?" he asked.
"Well enough for my sleep." I answered. Théodan chuckled.
"Indeed, as you slept without waking for three days. Your brother intended to stay until you woke, but was forced to leave yesterday morning." I nodded. The two girls slipped out of the door, closing it behind them. I watched them go.
"They were frantic when you did not return." He said. "They would have ridden out themselves but for Théodred and Éomer holding them back. You are very dear to them." I smiled.
"It is good to know that they hold me dear, in their hearts if not their minds." I replied. Théodan grinned, the carefree grin of the man he might have been had he not been king. He was sixty-six now, but still looked and acted half his age. I was beginning to feel my seventy-five years now, and while some were beginning to feel death closing her hands on them at my age, I was beginning to feel as though death and turned her head from me.
"We all hold you dear." He said. "Without you, Éowyn would have been brought up by a multitude of men, and I do not think that would have done much for her ladylike behaviour."
"I've not done much for her ladylike behaviour, either." I answered. Théodan shook his head.
"You've done much for it, although she rarely uses it."
I shrugged, but said nothing. Théodan looked at me and sighed. "Soon, then?" he asked me. I nodded.
"As soon as I am well enough to travel again. Maybe a little later, so Éowyn doesn't find the responsibility for the entire household dropped on her head."
"We shall miss you."
"Don't be absurd." I said. "You wont. I wont be gone three days before you've forgotten my name."
"Nay, and you know it. We'll remember you for centuries."
"As the girl who took over meddled when the lady died and brought up her two children and nephew."
"As the woman who changed Rohan for the better."
"And you will be known as the king who flattered her." I retorted. Théodan laughed, and patted me on the shoulder.
"Indeed, milady. Indeed."
Legolas watched me very carefully for the first morning, quite aware that I had been in a major dispute with both Boromir and his father, although he didn't know what it was. I avoided him, talking to Deiran about my life at Edoras, which he seemed to find fascinating, and looking around me at the scenery, because it seemed every time I passed through this part of the world, I was in a huge hurry.
This time, though, that was not the case. In fact, I'm sure that Legolas went even slower than necessary, and as he set the pace, so did everyone else.
He caught up with me and very obviously excused me from Deiran's presence, the better to talk with him. Deiran and I exchanged amused glances at the prince's unusual lack of subtlety, but then I was too busy trying to answer Legolas to do anything else.
"Why did you leave Gondor so suddenly?" He asked me. His abruptness and forwardness surprised me, used to the much more subtle and conniving side of Legolas.
"I- Legolas, since when did you become so forward?" I demanded, half annoyed.
"Since I saw the looks the elder prince was sending in your direction. What did you do, reject his marriage proposal?" I only raised an eyebrow, sure that he must have heard the whole exchange with Boromir, so there was no point in telling him. Legolas looked at me and laughed.
"You did! No wonder he looked like he had been sucking lemons!" I frowned.
"You mean you didn't hear us? I thought the whole city had!"
"Well, if you will choose the top citadel." The head of the Mirkwood guard, who I learnt was called Calren, rode past us.
"The top citadel?" Legolas looked like he was quite enjoying himself, though whether it was because of my discomfiture, my rejection or Boromir's embarrassment, I didn't know.
"There's no need for you to be quite so amused by all this." I sniffed.
"The Prince of Gondor, asking the Queen of Anorondor to marry him!" Legolas looked like he might be considering hysterics.
"If you don't shut up right now I'm going to talk to Calren and Deiran for the rest of the journey, and you'll be bereft of my company." I threatened. After a few more giggles, (giggles from the Prince of Mirkwood!) he shut up.
"You're too kind." I sneered. Legolas bowed from his saddle.
That night Legolas and I lay side by side on the ground, staring at the blue velvet sky and Legolas was attempting to teach me the names of the stars local to the east of the continent. I was having trouble focusing on the stars rather than Legolas, who looked amazing in the dim light of stars and crescent moon.
"Are you listening?" he asked me, turning his head on its side to face me, his blue eyes dark in the shadow.
"No." I answered with a smile. Legolas chuckled, and turned on his side.
"Stars don't interest you?" he asked.
"Not as much as they seem to interest you." I shot back. "I'm just finding it hard to concentrate, is all." Legolas grinned slyly, never one to let modesty get in the way of reasoning. He poked me in the stomach and I curled up, giggling. He had discovered exactly how and where I was ticklish long ago on one of his visits to Rivendell, after my traitor brother held me down and showed Legolas. As Legolas was still reeling from bathtub full of tadpoles, he had gladly tickled me until I nearly fainted from laughter.
"Don't you dare." I said quietly, curled up.
"I wouldn't." Legolas pulled me towards him and I slowly uncurled, fitting my body to his and resting my head against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me, and it was only when he held on a little too tight did I realised exactly what I was doing.
"Legolas, don't you-" I shrieked and he tickled me, but I couldn't move, and he had artfully tangled us up so that he could move sufficiently to tickle me, but I couldn't move at all, except to shriek and laugh.
"Jané, shush!" he berated me, still tickling.
"You..." I ran out of words I could call him before I'd even opened my mouth, and he grinned, and stopped tickling me.
"Had enough?" he asked, propped over me on his elbows. I could practically feel his heartbeat we were so close. I nodded. He grinned.
"You're awful." I complained. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and kissed my temple.
"But you love me anyway." He said with as much of a shrug as he could manage from the position he was in. I rolled my eyes, and he leant down and pressed a gentle kiss on my lips.
"I don't want you to leave." He said softly, his blue eyes meeting my green.
"You know I have to." I answered. His face set in stubborn lines.
"You could stay with me." He said.
"No, love, I cant. You know that." Legolas frowned at me. "You would have me abandon Kera, and Éowyn and Eomer and Theodred?" Legolas rolled off me and lay beside me, my hand tightly clasped in his.
"Sometimes I wished that time would not exist." He said finally. "That we might stay here forever."
"But would you not miss the changing of the seasons?" I asked gently. "The wheeling of the stars across the sky?" I turned my head to look at him, and he met my gaze.
"I'd have you forever." He whispered. I smiled. "And I'd give up seasons and stars for that."
"I pray you'll never have to." I said quietly.
Four days later I left the group and headed west to Edoras. My thoughts, as I'm sure he intended, were consumed by Legolas. He was like a drug, and the moment I'd gotten myself off him, I saw him again and I didn't think I could let him go. A good part of me wanted to continue with him onto Mirkwood, and not look back. But I was a Queen, and a queen cant do that. For someone who's meant to have a lot of power, a queen ends up being pretty helpless when its something that means much to her.
I arrived after three days at Edoras, and I was given a warm welcome as Éowyn and Kera flew down the front steps and swamped me in hugs and joyful cries. I hadn't realised how much I had missed them both, and I wondered at how I could have considered going with Legolas and not coming back.
I returned to my station as lady of the Hall, but I had traveler's illness, and I wanted to be off again, riding as I had done before I had settled down for the last eight years. But I suppressed it, as Éowyn really needed taming enough to become both the beautiful lady of Meduseld, and the striking warrior princess she aspired to be. In the process, I had the task of taming Kera, who would be Steward of Mordor, and I'm not sure which one aged me most. I grew up in Rohan and it changed me, more than I could possibly imagine.
"Where have they gone?" I demanded of a servant. Ela, the servant, spread her hands imploringly.
"I told you, my lady. I don't know. They simply said they were going for a walk, and I haven't seen them since." I stamped my foot in annoyance, and smiled at Ela.
"I know it isn't your fault." I said with an apologetic smile. "Keeping track of those two is like trying to keep track of two cockroaches given free reign around a rather large building." Ela looked rather taken aback by my unorthodox description and I smiled and left, heading for the guard towers.
"THEY WHAT!" I yelled. I was doing too much of that.
"I thought I saw them disappear into the forest." The other guard said. He looked confused as to why this was a problem.
"Do you never leave this place?" I demanded furiously. "Have you not heard the name of said forest, the name that starts with F and ends in angorn?" I rolled my eyes as he looked totally clueless. "That forest is Fangorn forest you addlebrained fool, and the niece of your king and a future steward have just gone in it!" I huffed and spun, running down the stairs and calling for Enya to be saddled. Ten minutes later, I sat on Enya, my gray velvet cloak with the red embroidered trees wrapped tightly around me as Enya cantered across the plains of Rohan.
As I approached the border of the forest she slowed to a walk and stamped her foot. I slid off her. "I know." I said, peering into the dark forest. "I don't like it either." I swung myself back onto the saddle, and settled the big silver cloak around me, then entered the forest.
The trees were oppressive, all around me, closing in...I felt claustrophobic.
I suddenly wished Legolas was next to me, not that that was anything new, but I dearly craved his humour and his knowledge about trees that comes with being an elf.
I listened closely for any sound of the girls, but all was silent. Literally. Apart from the sound of Enya and myself, there was no other noise.
Enya picked her way along narrow paths, never stumbling. I let the reins be loose in my hands, allowing her to choose her own way. In a forest this dense, one way was as good as another, and I didn't know my way, so I let Enya find her own.
"My lady. It is good to see you again." I looked behind me, and saw the white wizard, Saruman. I nodded.
"The two girls you are after are with a friend. Does that comfort you?" A knot of panic twisted in my stomach. "I see it does not. Please, my lady. I shall lead you to them, and you may bring them home with you." I nodded. I had always heard Saruman was the wisest and most trustworthy of the Istari, and I had no reason to distrust him other than Kera's feelings. I turned Enya around, and Saruman took the bridle.
"The way is treacherous." He said softly. "I shall lead you." We had not gone two paces when there was a thud, and Enya reared, throwing me to the ground. Enya fled, and I saw the arrow sticking out from her rear haunch.
"Saruman!" I cried. "Be wary."
"For what, dear lady?" he asked. I spun to face him, and he smiled at me. Then something his me from behind, and I blacked out.
I woke upon a great black bed, with black silk sheets. When I looked around, I could see the entire room was done in black, and I posed a striking difference in my pale yellow and sky blue dress. I walked to the window and pushed aside the great black curtains. I could see the great damn of the river Isen, and realised I was at Isengard. I ran to the door and tried to open it, but it was locked. I banged on it until my hands bled, and then I retreated to the bed, a great sick feeling in my stomach.
I was there for two hours, by the sun's movement before it sank below the horizon, before the door opened. I quickly put the bed between and my visitor, until I saw the familiar blonde hair and concerned blue eyes.
"Legolas!" I cried, not moving. "What are you-"
"Shush." He held up a hand to quiet me. "Be still, love. It's alright."
"But Saruman-"
"Shush." He came round to my side of the bed and took my hands, but when I winced he frowned, and looked down.
"What did you do?" He demanded.
"Panicked." I said wryly. Legolas kissed my forehead.
"Do not worry, my love. Everything will be alright." I smiled up at him and he kissed me softly on the lips, then again, more possessively. A thought ran around my mind but I was too idle and enjoying myself too much to bother to chase it.
When he lay me back on the bed I just looked up at him, pale and beautiful above me. Then I reached up and he came to me, and I loved him more than anything. It seemed he loved me too, as he looked down on me, our bodies loving each other as our hearts did.
But then his eyes changed, and the blue became hard and dark, no longer beautiful midnight but hard sapphire, and his body hurt me. He paid no attention to my protests as he moved above me, and when he came it was hard, and he collapsed over me. He rolled off me and fell asleep almost instantly.
Tears welled in my eyes and I turned on my side until I faced the open window, where the dark sky was sprinkled with glittering diamond stars. I rose, taking the sheet with me about my bruised and mistreated body, and stood by the window, dressed only in the black silk as the cold wind from the mountains blew across my pale skin, raising goosebumps.
I must have stood there for hours, for when I rose the moon was on the other side of the tower, but even as I stood the cold white light shone on my face. I turned back to the sleeping figure, and he turned to face me, his features in shadow. I moved slightly so the moonlight fell on his face, and even as I watched the face changed, making me clutch the sheet closer to my body.
The man who now lay in my bed was still blonde haired, with high cheekbones, but his skin was darker, his hair more gold than white. I had slight comfort from the fact that it had not been Legolas who had so misused me, but I still felt sick and hurt. Even though I knew it had not been Legolas, my heart still rebelled against my mind, and when I moved back into the moonlight so that his face was in shadow, I could see his face change again, and then lying in the moonlight, eyes open and watching me, was Legolas.
"My love, come back to bed." I shook my head, before I realised it was safer if I did not act as though I knew this Legolas was not the true Legolas.
"In a moment." I said quietly, turning back to the window. He came up from behind me, staying out of the white light that poured through the window. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" I asked suddenly. "The moon. More lovely than the stars or anything else, though I still do not understand how stars do not interest you, as they do your brethren." I held my breath, wondering if he would take my bait, and how well Saruman had trained this man for whatever purpose he had.
"I am one of the few who prefer the moon to the stars." He said quietly. My heart tightened, and I sighed. I noticed that my hands were gripping the sheet so tightly my knuckles were white, and I forcibly relaxed them, so that my tension did not give me away. He touched my shoulder, and I made myself stand still under his hands even though all I wanted to do was sidle away, and run all the way to Rivendell, where I could hide and cry.
"Come back to bed, love." He said, and took my arm. I had no choice but to follow.
Over the next few weeks of my captivity, he came to me many times, always in thee guise of Legolas. He was not always as rough with me as he had been the first time, and I finally identified the thought that had eluded me that first night: he hadn't smelt right. Similar, but not right. It made my stomach churn.
After a while I stopped eating, feeling sick with both myself and my predicament. When my cycle failed to come with the waning of the moon, as it had done for fifty odd years, I locked my emotions tight inside me, where they wailed and screamed with despair.
One morning I watched Saruman and the golden haired man ride out of the tower, and I quickly changed from the dresses I had been made to wear at Isengard to the yellow and blue dress I had arrived in. it was dirty and almost ragged, but I refused to take anything with me.
I met no one as I managed to pick the lock after an hour of trying. I made my way down many stairs, feeling sick and weak. I had not eaten in days, maybe weeks. I had lost count.
I stumbled across the courtyard, past the great oak trees. When I came to the gate, I strictly forbade myself to slump down and cry. It was pretty much open land from here to Edoras, and on foot I would be spotted and recaptured easily.
Nevertheless, I started walking, and before long I heard the sound of hoof beats, and though inside I crumbled in defeat, I refused to stop moving or even to look behind me. It was only when a warm nose nuzzled my arm did I look up. Enya stood looking at me out of great brown eyes which seemed to hold sympathy, even though she was a horse. I smiled weakly and petted her nose. She sank to her knees and I literally crawled onto her, and she stood up again. She had lost all her tack, and I didn't know or care where.
She traveled far and at good speed, though her gait seemed smoother than it should be. One evening she set me down, bending her knees and tilting a little so I slid off. I wanted to keep riding, but once on the floor, my knees gave way and I fell to the floor and was thoroughly sick. When I looked up, spitting bile out of my mouth, Enya nuzzled my neck, then stuck her nose into a prickly bush with purple flowers. She did not eat, although she met my eyes and pulled her nose out. I crawled over and touched the bush, trying to remember what it was. When it finally came to me, I stared at Enya in amazement. It was Endleweed, which, aside from being nearly impossible to get rid of once it took root in your garden, was an abortofactant. Enya just blinked at me and started grazing, as if to say, 'I found you the plant, now it's up to you.' I grinned, then started shredding the leaves, feeling more energetic than I had in weeks.
I didn't really want to have a miscarriage while on horseback, but if I left it much longer either the plant wouldn't work, or it could kill both myself and the baby inside of me.
The leaves tasted bitter and acrid in my mouth, and I struggled to swallow. By this point, it was nearly full dark, and Enya looked like she was asleep. I lay down on the nearest patch of softish grass, and fell asleep, curled up to fend off the cold.
The next morning I felt no different, apart from the fact I was stiff. I clambered onto Enya who very patiently stood through my clumsiness, and then we were off. By midday I was feeling very, very ill, my stomach roiling and cramping, and eventually I slid off Enya and lay breathless on the ground, holding back the moans of pain from the tight cramps that seemed to be ripping my entire being apart. Enya stood over me, rather like a guard, and we stayed in that position well into the night, when I eventually passed into unconsciousness.
I woke the next day around midmorning, and felt strangely empty. The ground around me seemed soaked with blood, and my skirts were wet with it. I both felt and looked disgusting. But I could tell the abortion had been a success.
Enya was nowhere that I could see, and with land as flat as Rohan, I could see a long way. Grumbling softly to myself, I began the long walk towards Edoras, ignoring the feeling that I'd lost control of my bladder. I'd been unfortunate to have been lying on my skirts when I miscarried, and now I was paying the price.
Evening came, and the whole land seemed to turn a silvery pink colour as the last rays of the sun mixed with the first rays of velvet night the sound of many horses slowly became louder, and I resigned myself to being caught. The chances of it being Rohan seemed very slim, as they almost assuredly assumed me dead, and Isengard probably wanted me back.
The idea that neither Éowyn nor Kera had made it back made me nearly cry, but I angrily brushed the tears away. Tears could be shed later. The sound of hoofbeats grew louder, until a small group of horses came over the rise and sped towards me.
It was only when they grew closer that I realised it really was the Rohirrim, and that Rohan, not Isengard, had found me.
The horses surrounded me, and I simply stood and stared up at the four men so familiar to me. Théodan, Théodred, Éomer and most important of all, Aragorn, all sat on horses before me. Then Aragorn swung down and wrapped me in a tight hug, kissing my hair and murmuring how he'd never let me out of his sight again. Then Théodan hugged me also, and Éomer, though Théodred did not. I knew him well though, and I rested my hand on his shoulder after he dismounted.
"I am glad to see you." I said softly. He nodded once, then swiftly embraced me. I smiled.
"What happened?" Aragorn asked, his gaze fixed to my blood soaked skirts. Tears sprang to my eyes, and his gaze narrowed.
"Not now." I said very softly. He nodded once, then sat me up onto his horse, and then swung up behind me. The king and his son and nephew mounted as well, and the entire company rode back at a canter to Edoras, at which point I blacked out again.
I woke up in my room at Edoras, and Aragorn sat beside me, watching me even as I woke. I felt clean for the first time in months, and knew that someone had taken it upon themselves to clean me up, for which I was very grateful.
Aragorn and I just looked at each other for a long while, before I sighed and closed me eyes again, knowing exactly what it was that Aragorn wanted me to tell him, and really wishing I didn't have to.
"I'll send for Legolas if you don't." Aragorn said eventually. "he always did know how to get information out of you better than I did." My eyes flew open.
"No!" I exclaimed, sitting bolt upright in bed. The covers fell to my waist, leaving me in a thin white nightgown through which a cold draft made me shiver. Aragorn took my hand.
"What happened?" he almost snarled. I glanced at him, startled at his tone of voice, and suddenly realised how it had looked. He had retrieved his little sister that had been covered in blood and panicked at the name of the man she supposedly loved.
"I'm sorry." I whispered. He moved from the chair by the bed to the bed itself, sitting in front of me and taking my face in his hands.
"Do you trust me?" he asked me quietly in elvish. I nodded. "Then tell me."
So I did. I told him all, how I had set off after Éowyn and Kera and had lost them in the forest. How I had found Saruman, and was attacked, and awoke in Isengard, where a man as Legolas came to me. I did not go into detail at this point, but Aragorn knew. If not only from the way I found it difficult to tell but from the blood also on my skirts.
He sat silent and listened all the way through. That was one of the wonderful things about Aragorn – he was a marvelous listener. When I had finished his hand squeezed mine.
"Again we see the worth in our little queen." He said softly. He gently pushed me back onto the bed and tucked the covers up around my chin. "you did well, my little sister, the best you could have done." He smiled. "And Kera and Éowyn returned that evening, with no knowledge of the trouble they've caused." He kissed me on the forehead and stood. "Sleep, little one. You deserve it." Then he left, shutting the door behind him, and I fell asleep.
I awoke to a whispered argument.
"We should wait till she wakes up!"
"That could be for hours! Do you really want to sit here for hours?"
"We should." Said one doubtfully.
I opened one eye, and saw Éowyn and Kera sitting by the bed, heads together as they argued in whispers.
"but Aragorn said we shouldn't." Kera said.
"I can't believe he left before I got to meet him." Éowyn complained. I was a bit disappointed that he had left myself, although I was glad he had come in the first place.
"Sh! You'll wake her!" Kera scolded.
"She's already awake." Éowyn said triumphantly, finally catching sight of me watching her. Kera spun, almost falling off her chair.
"Jané!" she said delightedly. She touched my cheek gently. "How are you?"
"Better, thank you" I said with a small smile. Éowyn smiled.
"We were so worried when Enya returned without you! We heard, of course, that you had gone after us. But we expected you to return also when you did not find us, not stay away for months."
"It was not my decision to stay so long." I said quietly.
Kera stroked my cheek softly, and a tear traveled down her face. "I am so terribly sorry." She whispered. "I am sorry I was the cause of this, your grace." It was the first time she had used a formal title to me, and it surprised me. I brushed the tear away with a finger, and she bowed her head at my touch. I rose half out of the bed and kissed her forehead.
"You could not have known." I murmured, using the old language of Mordor. Éowyn looked very confused, well as she might, but this did not include her. I could feel the despair radiating off Kera – all her life she had known she would be steward of Mordor, and she had spent her albeit small lifetime training to fill that position, and yet and she sent her queen into danger that had nearly cost me everything.
"Peace, steward." I murmured, still in Mordor. "I lay no blame at your feet."
"I lay it at mine own." She answered, her voice slightly shocked at the formal use of her title, which I had never used before.
"Then stop. It is a lesson taught and a lesson learned. Let it be." She nodded.
"Excuse me?" Éowyn put in. we turned to her. "I don't want to seem rude, but can we all talk in a language I understand? It's very confusing when you don't." I smiled, and held my hand out to her. She took it.
"We're so sorry." She whispered, suddenly looking older than her mere seventeen. "We don't know how to show it."
"I know you're sorry." I replied. "And you need not show it any way, since I can see it in your eyes."
"They have been truly repentant." Théodan said from the door. "I have never seen either behave so well in all the ten years they have been together."
"And I cast no blame at either. They could not have known the consequences of their actions." I answered. Théodan nodded, seemingly satisfied. He came towards the bedside, and both younger girls moved out the way.
"You are well?" he asked.
"Well enough for my sleep." I answered. Théodan chuckled.
"Indeed, as you slept without waking for three days. Your brother intended to stay until you woke, but was forced to leave yesterday morning." I nodded. The two girls slipped out of the door, closing it behind them. I watched them go.
"They were frantic when you did not return." He said. "They would have ridden out themselves but for Théodred and Éomer holding them back. You are very dear to them." I smiled.
"It is good to know that they hold me dear, in their hearts if not their minds." I replied. Théodan grinned, the carefree grin of the man he might have been had he not been king. He was sixty-six now, but still looked and acted half his age. I was beginning to feel my seventy-five years now, and while some were beginning to feel death closing her hands on them at my age, I was beginning to feel as though death and turned her head from me.
"We all hold you dear." He said. "Without you, Éowyn would have been brought up by a multitude of men, and I do not think that would have done much for her ladylike behaviour."
"I've not done much for her ladylike behaviour, either." I answered. Théodan shook his head.
"You've done much for it, although she rarely uses it."
I shrugged, but said nothing. Théodan looked at me and sighed. "Soon, then?" he asked me. I nodded.
"As soon as I am well enough to travel again. Maybe a little later, so Éowyn doesn't find the responsibility for the entire household dropped on her head."
"We shall miss you."
"Don't be absurd." I said. "You wont. I wont be gone three days before you've forgotten my name."
"Nay, and you know it. We'll remember you for centuries."
"As the girl who took over meddled when the lady died and brought up her two children and nephew."
"As the woman who changed Rohan for the better."
"And you will be known as the king who flattered her." I retorted. Théodan laughed, and patted me on the shoulder.
"Indeed, milady. Indeed."