A/N: The "Oeh yaeh, baybee" coming up is (c Legolas). Miruvor is an elven
cordial from Imladris, the same one given to the Company by Gandalf upon
Caradhras to revive them and cause them to find "fresh hope and vigor." You
can find the reference to miruvor in the chapter entitled, "The Ring Goes
South".
Special thanks once again to PuterPatty and leailelf, and to Grammar Laedee, who once again still managed to come up with the one thing that the three of us "young-uns" missed.
Chapter 13 Really
Four more weeks pass and I still have the pain from the stone in my back and in the lower right front of my belly. Nothing severe like that first couple of days, but it's just there all the time and distracting as all-get- out. It's not like I don't have enough distractions already, if you know what I mean.
At my next appointment with Dr. Henry the urologist, my X-rays still show the darned thing basking away in the right ureter, sitting about an inch up from my bladder. Dr. Henry decides the stone's not going anywhere and wants to proceed with surgery to get it out. He's worried that I have a "silent stone", one that causes minor pain while slowly and efficiently stopping the flow of urine and quietly killing the kidney. There's no blood work to test for this, since the other kidney will pick up the slack and everything looks normal even though it's not.
I'm scheduled for upcoming Monday afternoon, the week before Easter, five days from now.
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Life goes on as I try to maintain as normal a schedule as possible and the rest of the family picks up the slack. Early Thursday morning before everybody takes off to start their day, I hear whispering coming from the vicinity of the laundry room, located outside just off the carport. I can't help but eavesdrop.
"You see, if you're the only one who does the laundry, then you're the only one who gets to ride," whispers a deep voice with an American accent.
"Reely?" comes the reply in soft Mirkwood tenor, punctuated with excitement. "Oeh, boey!"
Uh-oh.
"You have to separate the dark colors from the light colors. Put the jeans in the same load, and put the towels in a different one. Then the nice clothes that are thinner and more delicate can go in another load all by themselves. That way you'll get to ride a lot of times, right?"
"Oeh, boey!" he says again. "Reely?"
"You turn this dial and get the water to start like this," says the deep voice, which is unmistakably my husband's. "Then you scoop up enough of this powdered soap to fill this little green measuring cup to this line right here, and drop that in with the water while it's still pouring in. Here, you try it."
"Okae!" comes the tenor reply. A few seconds later, the hesitancy is audible in his voice. "Whut if I maess uep?"
"Then we drain all the water out of the tub and you can try again. Look, Legolas. You're an elf. Elves are known for their cleanliness, not to mention their sense of high fashion. Who else would be better suited to keeping our clothes clean and stylish than you?"
There's a long pause, followed by, "al, I gess."
"Forget al," Yes Dear says. "She can't do it right now. You're the man, okay?"
If the wall between us wasn't made of brick, I swear I could see the exact face the elf makes at this bit of information.
"U meen I em da elf," he corrects.
"Fine. Whatever. Do you wanna ride or not?"
"Oeh yaeh, baybee. U noe I waenna ried!"
"Then put the soap in, would ya?"
"Oeh, yaeh. Soerrie." I hear him tap the little plastic measuring cup against the side of the washer to get all of the powder residue out. "Noew due I puet en da clothez?"
"Yep," answers the King of Scheme. "Make sure you don't put in too many, though. If you overload the washer, the clothes can't move around freely in there and they won't rinse clean." He pauses a second, looking I'm sure at Legolas and his mask of confusion about this little addition to his most recent lesson. "You know what I mean. If you put too many in at once, you won't get to ride as many times, right?"
The release of this little tidbit of secret intelligence produces a tiny squeal of delight from Prance Helpful.
"Iz dis rite?" he whispers eagerly.
"Perfect," says the King. "See? You really are gonna be good at this job."
"Reely?" He pauses for a few seconds, then asks, "Whut due I due noew?"
"Stand right there and watch this dial. When it gets to here, you can climb up and sit on the lid. When it gets to here, that's when the fun begins."
If it weren't for that brick wall, I'd be able to see the pair of Cheshire cat grins stretching ear to ear across both of their faces.
It doesn't take long before I have the cleanest fabric in the entire county, and I do mean fabric and not clothes when I say that. He's washed everything. If he could have pulled up the carpet and put it in the washer instead of helping me vacuum, I think he would have tried that too. I finally have to make a limit of no less than 10 pieces of fabric in the washer in a single load. That rule came about when I caught him washing his underwear one brief at a time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On Thursday evening, I find myself at handbell practice literally wrestling with my bells. The piece our director has chosen for Easter Sunday morning has got to be the most difficult piece I've ever played. At least one of my six bells rings in every single measure of the twelve page piece, and there's even one place where there's a run of the sharps, naturals, and flats of all six of them within a single measure.
"This piece should be rung with great solemnity," she intones as we pick up our bells and prepare to play.
My nose stays pressed a half-inch off the music the whole time we're practicing, and I always seem to be the only one in the whole group getting off beat despite the fact that I'm standing straight in front of the director. As she stops us yet again for my speeding up mid-piece, it hits me.
The pain is back.
Not bad, but definitely there. Within two or three minutes, I'm squatting down and standing up repeatedly, shifting side to side the whole time regardless of which vertical position I'm in. At the same time, I'm still ringing six different bells, and occasionally one of my neighbor's next to me.
Did I mention the mallets? Oh yeah, baby (c al), we had mallets too.
"U okae, al?" whispers Legolas as we're ringing along, handling his own ten- bell octave without batting an eyelash. How he plays that many (often with two of the big bass bells in each hand all at the same time) AND carries on a conversation is beyond me.
"Yeah," I squeak, as I return to standing and shift to my left toward him so I don't have to raise my voice.
"Reely?" he asks, concerned now. "U doen't luuk okae."
The director stops us. "You know, al, if you could avoid squirming while you play, I think the congregation would get more out of this. After all, 'Ah, Holy Jesus' is not exactly a dance number."
Boy, what I wouldn't do for a dose of something strong right now. Miruvor would certainly hit the spot. Of course, I didn't bring my pain medicine with me. The thought of taking it and having to ride in the van while Legolas drives home scares me more than passing a kidney stone without any pain medicine. I decide to try concentrating on the music and doing a few of those imagery and breathing tricks they taught us at Lamaze classes before Little Pip was born. "Four more days . . . four more days," becomes my mantra.
It figures that by the time we make it home, the pain has returned to its normal persistent grumble. My miruvor stays in the bottle.
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Monday finally comes. I don't have to be at the hospital until mid- afternoon, leaving me with a long morning of distracting myself so that I stay out of the refrigerator. I spend it double-checking with the insurance company and putting my affairs in order. Just in case, you know?
PuterPatty's agreed to take Legolas to live with her, and promises to continue telling you all about his adventures for me should I not be able to do that myself. Yes Dear gets everything else I own anyway, so that part's already done.
Legolas spends his day washing his bedsheets for the third time this week (yep, it's only MONDAY). He giggles like mad as he sits cross-legged on top of the washer while they spin dry beneath him. At least he's not getting yelled at anymore for eating Keebler elf cookies in front of me while I'm on mandatory fasting orders.
An hour earlier than expected, Yes Dear comes barreling in the back door. "Are you ready?" he exclaims. "The hospital called on my cell phone-the person before you cancelled and they want you to come right now."
"NOW?" I gulp. Suddenly I can think of a million things I still need to do, none of them involving the fridge.
"Yes, NOW," he says, dragging me toward the door by the arm.
Legolas comes flying down the hallway, his arms full of laundry that he's apparently intent on starting before we go. It takes me a moment before I realize what's wrong with the scene playing out before my eyes.
The clothes in the basket are already folded. He's carrying them in the wrong direction.
Before I can ask where he's planning on taking the clean laundry, he blurts out, "I goet da sootcaes, al!"
"Suitcase?" inquires Yes Dear.
"Yaes. al neadz sum pajaemuz tu ware, an a roeb, an deze sleepurz, an hear'z Leedle Peep's SeaDee player wid sum muzik, an . . . . " He's balancing the laundry basket on his hip with one hand and holding Yes Dear's Winnie the Pooh slippers in his other hand. "Hearz her tuufbruesh, and sum shaempuu, "he continues, shifting the slippers to the basket- holding hand and pawing through the bottom of the basket.
I sometimes wonder how he ever survived on the Quest without a full entourage just to carry his accessories.
"Honey," I tell him, stilling his rummaging hand, "I'm only going for a couple of hours. I'm not even staying overnight."
"Reely? U meen u doen't nead dese?" he asks softly. He holds up the baby balrog britches. The look on his face tells me exactly how much time and thought he's put into selecting all of these things he thinks are necessary for my comfort. Poor Prance Helpful is feeling rejected.
"You know, I think I WOULD feel better if we took them, even if we just left them in the car. Go put them in the trunk," I tell him.
He happily bounces out the door, laundry basket firmly snuggled up underneath his arm by one clutching hand and Pooh slippers dangling from the other.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yes Dear goes upstairs with me to the Outpatient surgery wing while Legolas starts his rounds down at Emergency Admissions. Once I've changed into my cute little gown and had yet another IV started, I hear a knock on the door.
"Come in," I call, ready to tease the Prance about visiting with his girlfriends while I lay here sick in bed.
The door opens and a great big "HELLO!!" comes booming in. It's Pastor Dan from church (those of you who know him will recognize his standard greeting and be able to read it aloud complete with the accompanying sound effects). I'm a bit surprised he's here, since I'm a pretty private person and most times I try to remain elven in character and pretend everything in life is going much better than it is. Never let them see you sweat, that's how I view things.
I don't recall telling anyone I was having the stone removed today except Yes Dear, Little Pip, Grammar Laedee, and my boss at work.
Oh, and Legolas.
That's about the time the door bursts open and Prance Greeter comes barging in. He quickly slams the door shut, leaning back against it with arms and legs spread wide as if a herd of oliphaunts were about to come trumpeting in.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"Dere'z a buench of gurlz foelloeweeng me!" he exclaims, rubbing the left side of his head. "Won of dem puelld owt a beeg chuenk of my hare!"
Ahhh. Fangirls. I wondered how long he'd manage to avoid them.
After ten minutes or so pass, he finally stops bodily blocking the door and comes over to join the conversation bedside.
Reverend Dan soon decides it's probably a good time to have a prayer before the nurses come to take me to the operating room. He holds my hand as he prays for things to go smoothly, for the doctors and nurses to be blessed, for the stone to be gone and my health restored. When he says, "Amen," I can still hear whispering coming from the far end of the bed. I open my eyes to find Legolas with his head still bowed, eyes closed, lips gently moving. He holds still for just a moment more, then lifts his head and smiles at me.
"U doent't thaenk God weel miend dat I askd da Valar fur ur blaessing tuu, due u?" he inquires innocently.
Reverend Dan pats him on the arm and smiles, saying in his infinite wisdom, "It can't hurt, Legolas. It sure can't hurt."
I don't remember a whole lot about the next hour or so except a flurry of activity followed by a stretcher ride down a green colored hallway and through a set of swinging doors that led into a bright yellow room. I remember a man's voice teasingly saying, "Here's that tranquilizer you were begging me for a little while ago," and then I remember waking up, hearing a woman calling my name and feeling horrendously awful.
"Did he get it?" I gasp, my throat so dry I'm barely able to speak at all.
"The doctor will be here to talk to you in a minute," she says. She gives me some pain medicine and some ice chips to suck on for my incredibly dry throat.
"Did he save the stone so I can show it off?" I croak out.
"He'll tell you all about it in just a little bit," she answers.
A few minutes later I remember asking, "Was it really big?"
She pats my arm. "Dr. Henry's on the way as soon as he finishes with the patient who was after you, I promise."
I know the nurses aren't supposed to tell you much about your medical status without the doctor's permission, but the questions I'm asking seem pretty tame to me. I'm beginning to wonder what's going on.
Soon I'm rolling back down the hall, feeling very sleepy still from that last dose of pain medicine. While I'm dozing away, drifting in and out, I catch a tiny morsel of the conversation currently wafting about my bed.
"Reely??!!" Legolas exclaims. "She iz NOET goenna like dat!"
"She'll be madder than a wet hen," says Yes Dear.
"The Lord does miracles every single day," says Reverend Dan.
I open one eye and watch all three of them shaking their heads, standing around my bed. "What are you guys talking about?" I mumble.
The three of them clap their mouths shut so quickly it's a wonder no one needed stitches in their tongue, and they stand there staring blankly at each other.
"Nuthin," gulps the Prance. To my skeptical glare he adds, "Nuthin, reely . . . ."
About that time, Dr. Henry comes dragging in and leans heavily on the bedrail near my left knee. I perk right up. Here's the man with the answers to all my questions; at least, all my current ones.
"Did you bring my stone?" I ask. "I want to add it to my collection. I only need three more for a nice sized cluster ring," I joke.
He doesn't say a thing, just stares at his hands folded there with his arms propped up on the railing of my bed. After a long, long moment during which I wonder if I've fallen back asleep and this whole thing is really just a bad dream, he says dejectedly, "There was nothing there."
Reverend Dan stands his ground there beside the bed, but I see Legolas and Yes Dear both take a step back from the bed, pressing themselves against the walls of my hospital room.
Okay, so it really IS just a bad dream after all.
I turn to Legolas. "Pinch me," I say, offering him my arm. "I must be asleep; you'll have to pinch me."
He cautiously reaches out his hand and gives me a whopping pinch of a horsebite on the arm.
"OWWW! I didn't mean so damned hard!" I exclaim, swatting at his offending hand.
Okay, so this is NOT A DREAM.
"What?" I say, unbelieving.
Dr. Henry responds without looking up. "I even looked with the telescope. There's no stone. It's just . . . gone."
When he realizes I'm too shocked to blow, Legolas reaches out and pats me with his long fingered hand.
"Bie da Valar, al," he beams. "Dat spael Elrond tole me abot wurkd jest like he sed. Reely!!!"
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Everybody's got their own theory. You get to have yours, too. I have the hospital bill right here *waves bill for $10,000, thanks God for insurance* if anyone wants to contest the reality of this particular event. Really.
On to better things:
Lub Ledderz frum Legolas
Lady Peredhel: U reely theenk PP wuld haev enjoeyed haeving me stae wid her? I theenk she haed maed a loet of plaenz fur us tu due theengz tugethur. Proebublee theengz jest like da theengz u an Haldir due. *bloez u a keez*
daw the minstrel: al sez tu tael u it WUZ a paeyn en da . . . , soerta. Sumbuddiez goetta hoevur. She sez da haerdist kwestshun tu aensur iz, "Kin I sea ur skar?" *geeglz*
TreeHugger: al duz dis thaeng whur we ar waelkin aloeng, an if I git tu kloes, she staepz oevur en my spaece an nokz aginst me. I haet dat. I deedn't saey enithaeng abot her wate - I jest sed, "Woew!" Soe u liked my haet, deed u? Hoew abot dis neu won? *wheespirz - it IZ nise tu bea neadid!*
Lady Silence: *oeffurz u sum M & M'z* U goet spiedurz? I kin taek kaer of dem. U shuld trie shaering ur Pikzie Steekz wid dem. *huegz u bak*
JastaElf: *THUED* There he goes again. Oh, well. . . Yes, my BP is back to the borderline stage without the meds and nice and low with the meds. Got a checkup coming in a couple of weeks. *reaches down and helps the Prance sit up* Mmmmmm . . . Lembas Brownie Surprise, huh? WHUT??!! Deed u sae Lembas Broewnee Suerprize? *troetz oeff an reaturnz wid my kwivur, deegz owt my money* AAuueewwww! I doen't haev enuf tu coem sea u eethur! *waevz pieteefuelly at Ada an Jasta, smaelling da Lembas Broewnee Suerprize frum hear. . . . *
Brem Nakada: Oeh, puhleaze doen't krie! I kin't staend dat!! It maekz me krie tu! Thaenkz fur da doell. He'z vary kuet. *maekz Will waev heez leedle haend* Whut'z dis? Em I sueppozed tu maeshur hoew muech da lawndree wayz tu? *siehz*
Phoenix Flight: al sez ur waelkum! We ar bof glaed u ar enjoeyeeng reeding abot us. It'z jest everydae ole stueff, u noe? *huegz u*
Nilmandra: Beeng wid al iz da baest plase tu bea. Whur aels wuld I git tu chaez da ise kreem truek oer due da lawndree? Sertinlee noet en Mirkwood! *al raps on the compy screen* Hey! Where's mine??! All he does is act pretty and be cute, and HE gets all the massage??? *geeglz!* An she keezd me tu! *keesiz u bak*
ellbee: Luuk! Luuk, al! Ellbee is a neu faengurl!! Wooeh- hoooe! (c Celeborn) *bloez u a kees* I em soe glaed tu sea u! I em soe soerrie u wear hartbroekin, nin mel. I hoep dis chaeptur maekz u feal guud tuu!
Lina Skye: al, iz she maekin fuen of me? Of course not, Prance! She's just happy. Oeh, okae, jest chekin. Yaeh! Goe Gaemkokz! *waevz gaernit an blak flaeg wid da bierd oen it!*
Lily Frost: I hoep u weel fiend dis noet, mellon-nin. Guud luek wid ur oewn advintshur. I weal bea theenking of u! *keesiz u fur luek*
SarWolf Snape: I dunnoe abot dat doktur'z oeffise. Dere ar thaengz en dere . . . . waell, thengz u jest shuldn't noe abot, okae?? *shueddrz*
Sperry Dee: I hoep skool iz steel goeng waell fur u, an dat ur teechurz ar beang nise an noet geeving u tuu muech hoemwurk. Eberythaeng iz okae noew, u sea. *seandz u a hueg*
Laura: I em glaed I culd stae wid al. It iz nise tu haev soe meeny peepul sae I culd stae wid dem tu! * She duz nead me, hueh??!*
anna: I lub dis puerpul gluv, doen't u? *waevz it at u* I hoep eberythaeng at skool iz goeng okae. *huegz u fur guud luek oen ur taestz an thaengz*
Space-Case7029: Oehhh . . . okae, I git it. It wuz a kar MOOVEE, rite? Wheuww. al sez thaenkz fur ur baest weeshiz, an saeyz eberythaeng iz muech bedder. *huegz u*
The Karenator: Due u theenk won of al'z leedle yaello peelz wuld haelp Ada'z bluud praeshure tuu? Hummmm . . . I saew u at da gaem - u haed oen garnit an blak, hueh?? Me tuu!!
Vladimirs Angel: Oeh! Dat'z a guud ideea! I kin rite my naem oen deze gluvz an sael dem oen e-Baey an den I weel haev enuf money tu goe sea PP an tu git sum Lembas Broewnee Suerprize frum Ada an Jasta! *keesiz u bak* Thaenkz!
Michelle6: Mark Martin puet dat 6 dere. *BUWAHHAHAHAA!!* *haendz u sum moer choklit elf keesiz*
Dunrosiel: U've sean da moovee a meelieon tiemz??! WOEW!! *luukz uep "fickle" en da dickshunaree* Oeh yaeh, baybee. (c Legolas) Dat'z me . . . fikle an treeky. Wach owt!!
Holly :o) : al iz okae noew. I hoep u haed a haeppie Birfdae. . . *seengz* Haeppee Birfdae tu u, Haepee Birfdae tu u, Haepee Birfdae, deer Holly, Haepee Birfdae tu u!!
Writer from Rivendell: Boey, dat treep sowndid like kwite an advinshur! I em glaed u deedn't git huert, and dat u fownd ur paentz. Yeepee Skeepee tu u tuu!
Grammar Laedee: Bea kaerful, dere. U ar beageening tu spael like me. Peepul weel theenk we haev bean speandeeng wae tuu muech tiem tugeathur. Oeh, thaenkz fur da cheazkake. U reely weant tu a loet of truble puettin all doez leedle peesiz of paepur beatwean da sliesiz like dat. It taestid vary guud. *huegz*
Angaloth: Deed u haev a guud paertee? Whut kiend of gaemz deed u plae? Deed u eet poepkoern? I hoep u haed fuen! *bloez u a kees*
caranwen: *staendz en frunt of da fuell leangth meeror oen da baek of my doar* Hummm . . . *tuernz tu da laeft* *tuernz tu da rite* Waell . . . *raeziz da Thrandullion eyebroew, tuerning my bak tu da meeror an trieng tu luuk ober my shoeldur* Eef u sae soe . . . Due deze jeenz maek me luuk faet??
Newmoon: *spluettrz, spheuuwz Mouwntaen Deuw all ober da coempy skrean, choekz an koffz* An aeffaer? Wid AL??? *luukz at al* Oeh, deer Valar, noe, mellon-nin. U doen't haev tu EBER woerrie abot DAT. Yaes Deer wuld skwash me like a bueg. Ware wuld I lieve den? (an al wuld huert me wurse dan Yaes Deer . . . .)
Digital Jessie: Theengz ar loetz bedder noew. al iz a kuntroell freek an she doezn't like tu taek maedisin. Araporn an Elrond wuld haev a turribl tiem wid her. She iz fealeeng all bedder noew, thaenkz! *huegz u fur ur guud weeshiz*
Fadesintothewest: yeah, doze laydeez at da hoespital wuld haev bean maed at me fur noet sayin guudbie. Soe u wuld haev bean maed at me tuu?? I due haev sum wite buennee eerz. Deed u sea dem? Leat me no if u deedn't, an I weel seand u a pikshur of me waerin dem. *snuegglz*
Dragon-of-the-north: I em learnin theengz I NEBER waentid tu noe abot hueminz, beeleev me. Hoew deed ur eggzam goe? U luuk nise whin u smile an laf like dat . . . due it agin! *maekz a fuennie faes fur u tu laf at*
Katani Petitedra: Okae . . . . *luukz arownd cawshushlee* Ar u shuer it wuz graep jaellie? Whut if it wuz straewbaerrie jaellie draessed uep tu luuk like graep jaellie? Hueh?
The Two Princesses: *blueshiz, tuernz tu al an poekz her en da reebz wid my feengur* Dey sed I wuz KUET!!! *greanz* I doen't theenk u ar eber tu oeld fur baelluunz. I lub baelluunz! Juest like u kin neber bea tu oeld tu lub huegz an keesiz . . . . xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo! Deed u sea me bean a Pierit? I meen, dat boey whoe theenkz he iz me??
sound of the skies: *eeatz da hoel boex of pikzie stikz, beaginz peengeeng oeff da waelz* Woooe! Wheeeaaa!! Deze ar guud! *bownsiz* Hannon le!
raukoiel: OOeh! Hannon le! *hoeldz uep staer shaepd Sueper Haelpur steekur* Duz it goe hear? *putz it aginst foerhaed* Oer hear? *hoeldz it ober my hart* Oer hear . . . *eevil grean* HEY! Give me that! *geeglz* She said behave yourself!!
ren: al sez I doen't waenna noe whut dat thaeng wuz en da draewr. I thaenk she'z rite. Eberythaeng iz baek tu noermal noew . . . . *greanz*
Skye Rocket: Whoe kin aergue wid "I lub dis stoerrie!" ? Sertinlee noet me an al! *huegz u*
Deb: NOE! NOE! Doen't biet ur naelz! Wea taelkd abot dis beafoar. I em goenna maek u waer sokz oen ur haendz ef u keap dat uep! U haev goet tu fiend sumptin aelse tu du tu keap ur mowf bizzy . . . .*roelz eyez wied az u fiend sumptin tu due wid ur leepz dat keapz MY leepz bizzy tu!*
Enchanted.Kaos-star[Dot]Net aka Lando's Star: HAE! *waevz da puerpul baelluun haend* Waelkum! Luuk eberybuddie - luuk whoe'z neu!! Soe glaed u jownd us! *huegz u*
Lil' Pip: I due lub dat Hairy Podder. He gitz en aelmoest az muech trubl az I due. An ur puerpul baelluun haend iz rite hear - buet u haev tu trayd me sumpthin tu git it. *eevil grean* Hummm, leat'z sea. . . .
Magical Rachel: Deezneywurld! Oeh, WOEW! I em glaed u haed fuen. U kin e- male me enitiem. *huegz u bak*
suzfau: Deed u ketchuep yaet? *waevz* I hoep u git tu sea dis! Waelkum tu da faengurl klueb!
Cara6: Hi, Cara! I think I have to take the yellow pill BECAUSE of all the wild things that are constantly happening around here *pueshiz al froem da chare* Cara! Cara! Dere'z dis beeg speidur maekeeng a waeb oen owr dek, rite bie da hoet tueb! She iz az beeg az da paelm of my haend. She iz blak an yaello, an al sez she mite rite sumthaeng oen da waeb - da speidur, noet al.
Andy8: I weel saev u won of deze baelluunz *waevz da puerpul haend at u* Due u eber peak en da doktur'z kabinitz? Dey haev all kiendz of thaengz en dere. . . .
leail: LEAIL! LEAIL!!! Whur weel we goe wid all dis moeny, hunney?? *toessiz Moenopuly moeny eberyware* I hoep u ar fealeeng bedder, amelamin, an u kin giv me tuu keesiz nekz tiem, okae? *taekz ur haend an speenz u arownd, den deepz u uentil ur haed aelmoest tuchez da floar*
PuterPatty: Bus, PP. It was a BUS station. It's a good thing he didn't make it up north, now that I think about it. *wriegglz an skwermz entu da chare, puesheeng al owt agin* U haev a leest? WOEW. . . . I em EEGUR tu pleeze . . . an eegur tuu, pleeze tuu! Whin kin al an I coem sea u? Noew? Noew?? Hoew abot NOEW??? *SNOEGZ U SAENSLISS*
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Thank you all for your well wishes, your hugs and kisses, and your covered dishes.
Hae, al, dat rimez!
I know. I planned it that way.
Now get busy, everybody, and write your own "lub ledders" to Legolas, because I've already written the next chapter and it's a real doozy!
Special thanks once again to PuterPatty and leailelf, and to Grammar Laedee, who once again still managed to come up with the one thing that the three of us "young-uns" missed.
Chapter 13 Really
Four more weeks pass and I still have the pain from the stone in my back and in the lower right front of my belly. Nothing severe like that first couple of days, but it's just there all the time and distracting as all-get- out. It's not like I don't have enough distractions already, if you know what I mean.
At my next appointment with Dr. Henry the urologist, my X-rays still show the darned thing basking away in the right ureter, sitting about an inch up from my bladder. Dr. Henry decides the stone's not going anywhere and wants to proceed with surgery to get it out. He's worried that I have a "silent stone", one that causes minor pain while slowly and efficiently stopping the flow of urine and quietly killing the kidney. There's no blood work to test for this, since the other kidney will pick up the slack and everything looks normal even though it's not.
I'm scheduled for upcoming Monday afternoon, the week before Easter, five days from now.
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Life goes on as I try to maintain as normal a schedule as possible and the rest of the family picks up the slack. Early Thursday morning before everybody takes off to start their day, I hear whispering coming from the vicinity of the laundry room, located outside just off the carport. I can't help but eavesdrop.
"You see, if you're the only one who does the laundry, then you're the only one who gets to ride," whispers a deep voice with an American accent.
"Reely?" comes the reply in soft Mirkwood tenor, punctuated with excitement. "Oeh, boey!"
Uh-oh.
"You have to separate the dark colors from the light colors. Put the jeans in the same load, and put the towels in a different one. Then the nice clothes that are thinner and more delicate can go in another load all by themselves. That way you'll get to ride a lot of times, right?"
"Oeh, boey!" he says again. "Reely?"
"You turn this dial and get the water to start like this," says the deep voice, which is unmistakably my husband's. "Then you scoop up enough of this powdered soap to fill this little green measuring cup to this line right here, and drop that in with the water while it's still pouring in. Here, you try it."
"Okae!" comes the tenor reply. A few seconds later, the hesitancy is audible in his voice. "Whut if I maess uep?"
"Then we drain all the water out of the tub and you can try again. Look, Legolas. You're an elf. Elves are known for their cleanliness, not to mention their sense of high fashion. Who else would be better suited to keeping our clothes clean and stylish than you?"
There's a long pause, followed by, "al, I gess."
"Forget al," Yes Dear says. "She can't do it right now. You're the man, okay?"
If the wall between us wasn't made of brick, I swear I could see the exact face the elf makes at this bit of information.
"U meen I em da elf," he corrects.
"Fine. Whatever. Do you wanna ride or not?"
"Oeh yaeh, baybee. U noe I waenna ried!"
"Then put the soap in, would ya?"
"Oeh, yaeh. Soerrie." I hear him tap the little plastic measuring cup against the side of the washer to get all of the powder residue out. "Noew due I puet en da clothez?"
"Yep," answers the King of Scheme. "Make sure you don't put in too many, though. If you overload the washer, the clothes can't move around freely in there and they won't rinse clean." He pauses a second, looking I'm sure at Legolas and his mask of confusion about this little addition to his most recent lesson. "You know what I mean. If you put too many in at once, you won't get to ride as many times, right?"
The release of this little tidbit of secret intelligence produces a tiny squeal of delight from Prance Helpful.
"Iz dis rite?" he whispers eagerly.
"Perfect," says the King. "See? You really are gonna be good at this job."
"Reely?" He pauses for a few seconds, then asks, "Whut due I due noew?"
"Stand right there and watch this dial. When it gets to here, you can climb up and sit on the lid. When it gets to here, that's when the fun begins."
If it weren't for that brick wall, I'd be able to see the pair of Cheshire cat grins stretching ear to ear across both of their faces.
It doesn't take long before I have the cleanest fabric in the entire county, and I do mean fabric and not clothes when I say that. He's washed everything. If he could have pulled up the carpet and put it in the washer instead of helping me vacuum, I think he would have tried that too. I finally have to make a limit of no less than 10 pieces of fabric in the washer in a single load. That rule came about when I caught him washing his underwear one brief at a time.
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On Thursday evening, I find myself at handbell practice literally wrestling with my bells. The piece our director has chosen for Easter Sunday morning has got to be the most difficult piece I've ever played. At least one of my six bells rings in every single measure of the twelve page piece, and there's even one place where there's a run of the sharps, naturals, and flats of all six of them within a single measure.
"This piece should be rung with great solemnity," she intones as we pick up our bells and prepare to play.
My nose stays pressed a half-inch off the music the whole time we're practicing, and I always seem to be the only one in the whole group getting off beat despite the fact that I'm standing straight in front of the director. As she stops us yet again for my speeding up mid-piece, it hits me.
The pain is back.
Not bad, but definitely there. Within two or three minutes, I'm squatting down and standing up repeatedly, shifting side to side the whole time regardless of which vertical position I'm in. At the same time, I'm still ringing six different bells, and occasionally one of my neighbor's next to me.
Did I mention the mallets? Oh yeah, baby (c al), we had mallets too.
"U okae, al?" whispers Legolas as we're ringing along, handling his own ten- bell octave without batting an eyelash. How he plays that many (often with two of the big bass bells in each hand all at the same time) AND carries on a conversation is beyond me.
"Yeah," I squeak, as I return to standing and shift to my left toward him so I don't have to raise my voice.
"Reely?" he asks, concerned now. "U doen't luuk okae."
The director stops us. "You know, al, if you could avoid squirming while you play, I think the congregation would get more out of this. After all, 'Ah, Holy Jesus' is not exactly a dance number."
Boy, what I wouldn't do for a dose of something strong right now. Miruvor would certainly hit the spot. Of course, I didn't bring my pain medicine with me. The thought of taking it and having to ride in the van while Legolas drives home scares me more than passing a kidney stone without any pain medicine. I decide to try concentrating on the music and doing a few of those imagery and breathing tricks they taught us at Lamaze classes before Little Pip was born. "Four more days . . . four more days," becomes my mantra.
It figures that by the time we make it home, the pain has returned to its normal persistent grumble. My miruvor stays in the bottle.
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Monday finally comes. I don't have to be at the hospital until mid- afternoon, leaving me with a long morning of distracting myself so that I stay out of the refrigerator. I spend it double-checking with the insurance company and putting my affairs in order. Just in case, you know?
PuterPatty's agreed to take Legolas to live with her, and promises to continue telling you all about his adventures for me should I not be able to do that myself. Yes Dear gets everything else I own anyway, so that part's already done.
Legolas spends his day washing his bedsheets for the third time this week (yep, it's only MONDAY). He giggles like mad as he sits cross-legged on top of the washer while they spin dry beneath him. At least he's not getting yelled at anymore for eating Keebler elf cookies in front of me while I'm on mandatory fasting orders.
An hour earlier than expected, Yes Dear comes barreling in the back door. "Are you ready?" he exclaims. "The hospital called on my cell phone-the person before you cancelled and they want you to come right now."
"NOW?" I gulp. Suddenly I can think of a million things I still need to do, none of them involving the fridge.
"Yes, NOW," he says, dragging me toward the door by the arm.
Legolas comes flying down the hallway, his arms full of laundry that he's apparently intent on starting before we go. It takes me a moment before I realize what's wrong with the scene playing out before my eyes.
The clothes in the basket are already folded. He's carrying them in the wrong direction.
Before I can ask where he's planning on taking the clean laundry, he blurts out, "I goet da sootcaes, al!"
"Suitcase?" inquires Yes Dear.
"Yaes. al neadz sum pajaemuz tu ware, an a roeb, an deze sleepurz, an hear'z Leedle Peep's SeaDee player wid sum muzik, an . . . . " He's balancing the laundry basket on his hip with one hand and holding Yes Dear's Winnie the Pooh slippers in his other hand. "Hearz her tuufbruesh, and sum shaempuu, "he continues, shifting the slippers to the basket- holding hand and pawing through the bottom of the basket.
I sometimes wonder how he ever survived on the Quest without a full entourage just to carry his accessories.
"Honey," I tell him, stilling his rummaging hand, "I'm only going for a couple of hours. I'm not even staying overnight."
"Reely? U meen u doen't nead dese?" he asks softly. He holds up the baby balrog britches. The look on his face tells me exactly how much time and thought he's put into selecting all of these things he thinks are necessary for my comfort. Poor Prance Helpful is feeling rejected.
"You know, I think I WOULD feel better if we took them, even if we just left them in the car. Go put them in the trunk," I tell him.
He happily bounces out the door, laundry basket firmly snuggled up underneath his arm by one clutching hand and Pooh slippers dangling from the other.
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Yes Dear goes upstairs with me to the Outpatient surgery wing while Legolas starts his rounds down at Emergency Admissions. Once I've changed into my cute little gown and had yet another IV started, I hear a knock on the door.
"Come in," I call, ready to tease the Prance about visiting with his girlfriends while I lay here sick in bed.
The door opens and a great big "HELLO!!" comes booming in. It's Pastor Dan from church (those of you who know him will recognize his standard greeting and be able to read it aloud complete with the accompanying sound effects). I'm a bit surprised he's here, since I'm a pretty private person and most times I try to remain elven in character and pretend everything in life is going much better than it is. Never let them see you sweat, that's how I view things.
I don't recall telling anyone I was having the stone removed today except Yes Dear, Little Pip, Grammar Laedee, and my boss at work.
Oh, and Legolas.
That's about the time the door bursts open and Prance Greeter comes barging in. He quickly slams the door shut, leaning back against it with arms and legs spread wide as if a herd of oliphaunts were about to come trumpeting in.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"Dere'z a buench of gurlz foelloeweeng me!" he exclaims, rubbing the left side of his head. "Won of dem puelld owt a beeg chuenk of my hare!"
Ahhh. Fangirls. I wondered how long he'd manage to avoid them.
After ten minutes or so pass, he finally stops bodily blocking the door and comes over to join the conversation bedside.
Reverend Dan soon decides it's probably a good time to have a prayer before the nurses come to take me to the operating room. He holds my hand as he prays for things to go smoothly, for the doctors and nurses to be blessed, for the stone to be gone and my health restored. When he says, "Amen," I can still hear whispering coming from the far end of the bed. I open my eyes to find Legolas with his head still bowed, eyes closed, lips gently moving. He holds still for just a moment more, then lifts his head and smiles at me.
"U doent't thaenk God weel miend dat I askd da Valar fur ur blaessing tuu, due u?" he inquires innocently.
Reverend Dan pats him on the arm and smiles, saying in his infinite wisdom, "It can't hurt, Legolas. It sure can't hurt."
I don't remember a whole lot about the next hour or so except a flurry of activity followed by a stretcher ride down a green colored hallway and through a set of swinging doors that led into a bright yellow room. I remember a man's voice teasingly saying, "Here's that tranquilizer you were begging me for a little while ago," and then I remember waking up, hearing a woman calling my name and feeling horrendously awful.
"Did he get it?" I gasp, my throat so dry I'm barely able to speak at all.
"The doctor will be here to talk to you in a minute," she says. She gives me some pain medicine and some ice chips to suck on for my incredibly dry throat.
"Did he save the stone so I can show it off?" I croak out.
"He'll tell you all about it in just a little bit," she answers.
A few minutes later I remember asking, "Was it really big?"
She pats my arm. "Dr. Henry's on the way as soon as he finishes with the patient who was after you, I promise."
I know the nurses aren't supposed to tell you much about your medical status without the doctor's permission, but the questions I'm asking seem pretty tame to me. I'm beginning to wonder what's going on.
Soon I'm rolling back down the hall, feeling very sleepy still from that last dose of pain medicine. While I'm dozing away, drifting in and out, I catch a tiny morsel of the conversation currently wafting about my bed.
"Reely??!!" Legolas exclaims. "She iz NOET goenna like dat!"
"She'll be madder than a wet hen," says Yes Dear.
"The Lord does miracles every single day," says Reverend Dan.
I open one eye and watch all three of them shaking their heads, standing around my bed. "What are you guys talking about?" I mumble.
The three of them clap their mouths shut so quickly it's a wonder no one needed stitches in their tongue, and they stand there staring blankly at each other.
"Nuthin," gulps the Prance. To my skeptical glare he adds, "Nuthin, reely . . . ."
About that time, Dr. Henry comes dragging in and leans heavily on the bedrail near my left knee. I perk right up. Here's the man with the answers to all my questions; at least, all my current ones.
"Did you bring my stone?" I ask. "I want to add it to my collection. I only need three more for a nice sized cluster ring," I joke.
He doesn't say a thing, just stares at his hands folded there with his arms propped up on the railing of my bed. After a long, long moment during which I wonder if I've fallen back asleep and this whole thing is really just a bad dream, he says dejectedly, "There was nothing there."
Reverend Dan stands his ground there beside the bed, but I see Legolas and Yes Dear both take a step back from the bed, pressing themselves against the walls of my hospital room.
Okay, so it really IS just a bad dream after all.
I turn to Legolas. "Pinch me," I say, offering him my arm. "I must be asleep; you'll have to pinch me."
He cautiously reaches out his hand and gives me a whopping pinch of a horsebite on the arm.
"OWWW! I didn't mean so damned hard!" I exclaim, swatting at his offending hand.
Okay, so this is NOT A DREAM.
"What?" I say, unbelieving.
Dr. Henry responds without looking up. "I even looked with the telescope. There's no stone. It's just . . . gone."
When he realizes I'm too shocked to blow, Legolas reaches out and pats me with his long fingered hand.
"Bie da Valar, al," he beams. "Dat spael Elrond tole me abot wurkd jest like he sed. Reely!!!"
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Everybody's got their own theory. You get to have yours, too. I have the hospital bill right here *waves bill for $10,000, thanks God for insurance* if anyone wants to contest the reality of this particular event. Really.
On to better things:
Lub Ledderz frum Legolas
Lady Peredhel: U reely theenk PP wuld haev enjoeyed haeving me stae wid her? I theenk she haed maed a loet of plaenz fur us tu due theengz tugethur. Proebublee theengz jest like da theengz u an Haldir due. *bloez u a keez*
daw the minstrel: al sez tu tael u it WUZ a paeyn en da . . . , soerta. Sumbuddiez goetta hoevur. She sez da haerdist kwestshun tu aensur iz, "Kin I sea ur skar?" *geeglz*
TreeHugger: al duz dis thaeng whur we ar waelkin aloeng, an if I git tu kloes, she staepz oevur en my spaece an nokz aginst me. I haet dat. I deedn't saey enithaeng abot her wate - I jest sed, "Woew!" Soe u liked my haet, deed u? Hoew abot dis neu won? *wheespirz - it IZ nise tu bea neadid!*
Lady Silence: *oeffurz u sum M & M'z* U goet spiedurz? I kin taek kaer of dem. U shuld trie shaering ur Pikzie Steekz wid dem. *huegz u bak*
JastaElf: *THUED* There he goes again. Oh, well. . . Yes, my BP is back to the borderline stage without the meds and nice and low with the meds. Got a checkup coming in a couple of weeks. *reaches down and helps the Prance sit up* Mmmmmm . . . Lembas Brownie Surprise, huh? WHUT??!! Deed u sae Lembas Broewnee Suerprize? *troetz oeff an reaturnz wid my kwivur, deegz owt my money* AAuueewwww! I doen't haev enuf tu coem sea u eethur! *waevz pieteefuelly at Ada an Jasta, smaelling da Lembas Broewnee Suerprize frum hear. . . . *
Brem Nakada: Oeh, puhleaze doen't krie! I kin't staend dat!! It maekz me krie tu! Thaenkz fur da doell. He'z vary kuet. *maekz Will waev heez leedle haend* Whut'z dis? Em I sueppozed tu maeshur hoew muech da lawndree wayz tu? *siehz*
Phoenix Flight: al sez ur waelkum! We ar bof glaed u ar enjoeyeeng reeding abot us. It'z jest everydae ole stueff, u noe? *huegz u*
Nilmandra: Beeng wid al iz da baest plase tu bea. Whur aels wuld I git tu chaez da ise kreem truek oer due da lawndree? Sertinlee noet en Mirkwood! *al raps on the compy screen* Hey! Where's mine??! All he does is act pretty and be cute, and HE gets all the massage??? *geeglz!* An she keezd me tu! *keesiz u bak*
ellbee: Luuk! Luuk, al! Ellbee is a neu faengurl!! Wooeh- hoooe! (c Celeborn) *bloez u a kees* I em soe glaed tu sea u! I em soe soerrie u wear hartbroekin, nin mel. I hoep dis chaeptur maekz u feal guud tuu!
Lina Skye: al, iz she maekin fuen of me? Of course not, Prance! She's just happy. Oeh, okae, jest chekin. Yaeh! Goe Gaemkokz! *waevz gaernit an blak flaeg wid da bierd oen it!*
Lily Frost: I hoep u weel fiend dis noet, mellon-nin. Guud luek wid ur oewn advintshur. I weal bea theenking of u! *keesiz u fur luek*
SarWolf Snape: I dunnoe abot dat doktur'z oeffise. Dere ar thaengz en dere . . . . waell, thengz u jest shuldn't noe abot, okae?? *shueddrz*
Sperry Dee: I hoep skool iz steel goeng waell fur u, an dat ur teechurz ar beang nise an noet geeving u tuu muech hoemwurk. Eberythaeng iz okae noew, u sea. *seandz u a hueg*
Laura: I em glaed I culd stae wid al. It iz nise tu haev soe meeny peepul sae I culd stae wid dem tu! * She duz nead me, hueh??!*
anna: I lub dis puerpul gluv, doen't u? *waevz it at u* I hoep eberythaeng at skool iz goeng okae. *huegz u fur guud luek oen ur taestz an thaengz*
Space-Case7029: Oehhh . . . okae, I git it. It wuz a kar MOOVEE, rite? Wheuww. al sez thaenkz fur ur baest weeshiz, an saeyz eberythaeng iz muech bedder. *huegz u*
The Karenator: Due u theenk won of al'z leedle yaello peelz wuld haelp Ada'z bluud praeshure tuu? Hummmm . . . I saew u at da gaem - u haed oen garnit an blak, hueh?? Me tuu!!
Vladimirs Angel: Oeh! Dat'z a guud ideea! I kin rite my naem oen deze gluvz an sael dem oen e-Baey an den I weel haev enuf money tu goe sea PP an tu git sum Lembas Broewnee Suerprize frum Ada an Jasta! *keesiz u bak* Thaenkz!
Michelle6: Mark Martin puet dat 6 dere. *BUWAHHAHAHAA!!* *haendz u sum moer choklit elf keesiz*
Dunrosiel: U've sean da moovee a meelieon tiemz??! WOEW!! *luukz uep "fickle" en da dickshunaree* Oeh yaeh, baybee. (c Legolas) Dat'z me . . . fikle an treeky. Wach owt!!
Holly :o) : al iz okae noew. I hoep u haed a haeppie Birfdae. . . *seengz* Haeppee Birfdae tu u, Haepee Birfdae tu u, Haepee Birfdae, deer Holly, Haepee Birfdae tu u!!
Writer from Rivendell: Boey, dat treep sowndid like kwite an advinshur! I em glaed u deedn't git huert, and dat u fownd ur paentz. Yeepee Skeepee tu u tuu!
Grammar Laedee: Bea kaerful, dere. U ar beageening tu spael like me. Peepul weel theenk we haev bean speandeeng wae tuu muech tiem tugeathur. Oeh, thaenkz fur da cheazkake. U reely weant tu a loet of truble puettin all doez leedle peesiz of paepur beatwean da sliesiz like dat. It taestid vary guud. *huegz*
Angaloth: Deed u haev a guud paertee? Whut kiend of gaemz deed u plae? Deed u eet poepkoern? I hoep u haed fuen! *bloez u a kees*
caranwen: *staendz en frunt of da fuell leangth meeror oen da baek of my doar* Hummm . . . *tuernz tu da laeft* *tuernz tu da rite* Waell . . . *raeziz da Thrandullion eyebroew, tuerning my bak tu da meeror an trieng tu luuk ober my shoeldur* Eef u sae soe . . . Due deze jeenz maek me luuk faet??
Newmoon: *spluettrz, spheuuwz Mouwntaen Deuw all ober da coempy skrean, choekz an koffz* An aeffaer? Wid AL??? *luukz at al* Oeh, deer Valar, noe, mellon-nin. U doen't haev tu EBER woerrie abot DAT. Yaes Deer wuld skwash me like a bueg. Ware wuld I lieve den? (an al wuld huert me wurse dan Yaes Deer . . . .)
Digital Jessie: Theengz ar loetz bedder noew. al iz a kuntroell freek an she doezn't like tu taek maedisin. Araporn an Elrond wuld haev a turribl tiem wid her. She iz fealeeng all bedder noew, thaenkz! *huegz u fur ur guud weeshiz*
Fadesintothewest: yeah, doze laydeez at da hoespital wuld haev bean maed at me fur noet sayin guudbie. Soe u wuld haev bean maed at me tuu?? I due haev sum wite buennee eerz. Deed u sea dem? Leat me no if u deedn't, an I weel seand u a pikshur of me waerin dem. *snuegglz*
Dragon-of-the-north: I em learnin theengz I NEBER waentid tu noe abot hueminz, beeleev me. Hoew deed ur eggzam goe? U luuk nise whin u smile an laf like dat . . . due it agin! *maekz a fuennie faes fur u tu laf at*
Katani Petitedra: Okae . . . . *luukz arownd cawshushlee* Ar u shuer it wuz graep jaellie? Whut if it wuz straewbaerrie jaellie draessed uep tu luuk like graep jaellie? Hueh?
The Two Princesses: *blueshiz, tuernz tu al an poekz her en da reebz wid my feengur* Dey sed I wuz KUET!!! *greanz* I doen't theenk u ar eber tu oeld fur baelluunz. I lub baelluunz! Juest like u kin neber bea tu oeld tu lub huegz an keesiz . . . . xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo! Deed u sea me bean a Pierit? I meen, dat boey whoe theenkz he iz me??
sound of the skies: *eeatz da hoel boex of pikzie stikz, beaginz peengeeng oeff da waelz* Woooe! Wheeeaaa!! Deze ar guud! *bownsiz* Hannon le!
raukoiel: OOeh! Hannon le! *hoeldz uep staer shaepd Sueper Haelpur steekur* Duz it goe hear? *putz it aginst foerhaed* Oer hear? *hoeldz it ober my hart* Oer hear . . . *eevil grean* HEY! Give me that! *geeglz* She said behave yourself!!
ren: al sez I doen't waenna noe whut dat thaeng wuz en da draewr. I thaenk she'z rite. Eberythaeng iz baek tu noermal noew . . . . *greanz*
Skye Rocket: Whoe kin aergue wid "I lub dis stoerrie!" ? Sertinlee noet me an al! *huegz u*
Deb: NOE! NOE! Doen't biet ur naelz! Wea taelkd abot dis beafoar. I em goenna maek u waer sokz oen ur haendz ef u keap dat uep! U haev goet tu fiend sumptin aelse tu du tu keap ur mowf bizzy . . . .*roelz eyez wied az u fiend sumptin tu due wid ur leepz dat keapz MY leepz bizzy tu!*
Enchanted.Kaos-star[Dot]Net aka Lando's Star: HAE! *waevz da puerpul baelluun haend* Waelkum! Luuk eberybuddie - luuk whoe'z neu!! Soe glaed u jownd us! *huegz u*
Lil' Pip: I due lub dat Hairy Podder. He gitz en aelmoest az muech trubl az I due. An ur puerpul baelluun haend iz rite hear - buet u haev tu trayd me sumpthin tu git it. *eevil grean* Hummm, leat'z sea. . . .
Magical Rachel: Deezneywurld! Oeh, WOEW! I em glaed u haed fuen. U kin e- male me enitiem. *huegz u bak*
suzfau: Deed u ketchuep yaet? *waevz* I hoep u git tu sea dis! Waelkum tu da faengurl klueb!
Cara6: Hi, Cara! I think I have to take the yellow pill BECAUSE of all the wild things that are constantly happening around here *pueshiz al froem da chare* Cara! Cara! Dere'z dis beeg speidur maekeeng a waeb oen owr dek, rite bie da hoet tueb! She iz az beeg az da paelm of my haend. She iz blak an yaello, an al sez she mite rite sumthaeng oen da waeb - da speidur, noet al.
Andy8: I weel saev u won of deze baelluunz *waevz da puerpul haend at u* Due u eber peak en da doktur'z kabinitz? Dey haev all kiendz of thaengz en dere. . . .
leail: LEAIL! LEAIL!!! Whur weel we goe wid all dis moeny, hunney?? *toessiz Moenopuly moeny eberyware* I hoep u ar fealeeng bedder, amelamin, an u kin giv me tuu keesiz nekz tiem, okae? *taekz ur haend an speenz u arownd, den deepz u uentil ur haed aelmoest tuchez da floar*
PuterPatty: Bus, PP. It was a BUS station. It's a good thing he didn't make it up north, now that I think about it. *wriegglz an skwermz entu da chare, puesheeng al owt agin* U haev a leest? WOEW. . . . I em EEGUR tu pleeze . . . an eegur tuu, pleeze tuu! Whin kin al an I coem sea u? Noew? Noew?? Hoew abot NOEW??? *SNOEGZ U SAENSLISS*
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Thank you all for your well wishes, your hugs and kisses, and your covered dishes.
Hae, al, dat rimez!
I know. I planned it that way.
Now get busy, everybody, and write your own "lub ledders" to Legolas, because I've already written the next chapter and it's a real doozy!