A/N: A while back, there were some questions that need answering from Deb.
Legolas finally sat down and wrote his answers, and I thought they might be
of interest to the rest of you. With her permission, here are her questions
and his responses.
Deb: I finished FOTR finally!! I do have a couple of questions for The Prance... First of all, if you're a prince...how come no one really gives you the royal respect you deserve? No one ever calls you prince, and in fact...I feel they sort of keep you in the sidelines in that book. (I'm hoping we'll see lots more of you in the next one). I was also curious what you were up to when you all were in Lothlorien and you left the fellowship for a couple of nights. Was there some good looking she-elf you had to go and make time with? Or was this official business? Also, I'm a little unclear on this immortality thing. Do you have to give that up when you fall in love with a mortal? Or is that more of a symbolic gesture in that one day you'd have to face the mortality of the one you love? (I'm a little worried about Arwen and Aragorn really.) Tell me what happens when an elf and a human mate? Will the offspring be one or the other? Or a cohesive mix of the two? I know that's a lot of questions...but I just have to know!
And Legolas answers her with: Wael, furst of all, I dunnoe whie noebuddie treetz me like roayaltee. Mebbe if I woar my grean Feastavil roabe ensted of my tunik an leagginz (dere NOET TIETZ!) moer peepul wuld treet me wid reaspekt. I wuz bizzy trien tu keap Araporn an Boreamir frum keelin eech uthur fur da furst paert of da jerney, noet tu menshun dat Araporn tuk furever tu git ober dat leedle theeng I sed at da Cownsil meating, An Gandalf goet doze hoebitz smoekin dat piepwead, an we all noe whut haeppinz whin DAT haeppinz, an dere I wuz bizzy agin.
Soe u sea, whin we goet tu Lothlorien, I neaded a brake, u noe?
Noew, abot dis immoraleety thaeng. . . .
AHEM!
Whut?
You didn't answer the question.
Yaes I deed.
No, you didn't.
*glaerz*
Az I wuz saeing. . .
Oen dat immoraleety theeng. . . Elves mae choez tu faell en lub wid moertalz, buet tu due soe wuld meen u muest deaside tu dwaell en Valinor foerevur, liveeng widowt ennithaeng tu woerrie abot buet alowne, oer deasideeng tu give dat up an beacoem moertal buet liveeng wid ur truew lub foer a limated tiem.
Plues, Arwen noez dat if she duzn't peck Araporn, he noez my nuembur. . . .*weenkz*
Soe, bea uenhaeppie furever, oer bea haeppie fur a moertal life? Hummmm. . . .
Az fur ur naekzt kwestshun, I em noe eggspurt, buet I theenk id is muech like whin tuu huemanz maet. Goe aesk ur muther.
Da oefspreeng of a unyun of an elf an a hueman due noet haev tu bea moertal. Dey ar kaeld peredhil, an like Elrond, dey mae choez tu bea moertal or immoral. Elrond'z paerintz an heez tween bruthr all choez tu becoem moertal. Elrond choez immoralitee. Den he maerried an elf, soe it seamz tu hav wurked owt eniwae.
Legolas?
Yaes?
The part about Lothlorien? I'm still curious about what happened.
I ansurd dat.
No, you didn't.
Yaes I did.
Did not.
Deed tu. Noe huerrie an tipe ur paert up, wuld u? Tiem iz waestin.
But Legolas?
Yaes?
You're immortal. What difference does time make?
*groewlz an pokez al* Jest huerrie uep, okae?
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Chapter 21 The Calm Before The Storm
Lil' Pip gets her smoothie maker for her birthday. She also gets a pizza and bowling party with four of her closest friends. We start out at Pizza Hut with Legolas intermittently pouring the Pepsi and delving through the big black trash bag, looking to make sure none of the pretty bows from the packages get tossed out with the wrapping paper. He also enjoys helping the girls look through their goodie bags to find the fake-hair punk-rocker wraps to go around their ponytails. After he finishes fixing them all up, I wish I had bought one each for Yes Dear, Legolas, and myself. They looked absolutely lovely.
We pile into the van and head for the bowling alley, where the man behind the counter spots our Prance right off the bat and digs out the Magical Mystical Absolutely Disgustingly Horrible Houndstooth Check Bowling Shoes.
"U reemimburd me!" exclaims the Prance, flattered.
"Sweetheart, you're the only one I think would ever be able to pull off wearing a pair of shoes like those," the man answers, shaking his head.
"Thaenk u soe muech!" says the Prance, batting his eyelashes and gathering his shoes in one hand before sashaying off to look for his special hot pink bowling ball.
Everyone has a fabulous day, and everyone breaks a hundred, even the ones who claim they've never bowled before. I think there's been some Magical Shoe Rubbing going on while they're waiting for turns, sitting there innocently sipping on Icee frozen sodas.
Hmmm. I think maybe I ought to ask for those shoes in the future.
We end the day with a trip to Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream, home of the 31 flavors. Everybody gets to pick one scoop, because it's almost time for supper. By the time they've each eaten about half the single scoop, the sugar has hit in full force, and I'm suddenly thankful we didn't start the party with the ice cream.
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Ahhh. . . .Thanksgiving.
We eat at Ryan's Family Steakhouse, since the kitchen's still not totally functional. They've got a bigger spread than we could ever fix anyway: turkey and dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy, ham, green beans, corn, carrots, fried okra, cranberry sauce, and macaroni and cheese. Legolas polishes off most of the entire pan of sweet potato casserole topped with marshmallows, which I discover later is highly processable as sugar through an elf's system. Within an hour he's literally bouncing off the walls. He finally crashes on the couch, halfway through the first disc of "The Two Towers Special Extended Edition", right about the time Treebeard puts Merry and Pippin out too.
I toss a blanket over him, leaving him to dream sweet elven dreams with Princess Elizabeth nestled between his thighs and Haldir, the deaf white kitten, cuddled in the crook of his left arm.
Friday dawns bright and early. Yes Dear's up at the crack of dawn, ready for the traditional harvest of the Christmas tree.
Okay, so the bright part wasn't right. That's the bedroom light overhead shining in my eyes. When I finally struggle out from under the electric blanket to peek outside, the day is dreary and cloudy and the wind is whipping the branches of the oak outside.
This year Legolas is already dressed. I find him standing at the backdoor, his Cocoa Puffs contained in a gallon-size Ziplock baggie, clutched in his hand.
"Moernin!" he mumbles through a mouthful of cereal. "Kin I goe git en da kaer?"
I give him the same looking over I would give Lil' Pip. "Have you got a T- shirt on under your sweatshirt?"
"Yaes," he says, tucking the cereal baggie between his chin and chest and using both hands to lift the hem of the sweatshirt to show me. "An I goet da Chreestmus uendurpaentz oen tu, waenna sea?" His fingers dart down to pop the top button on his jeans.
"No, no, Prance, that's okay," I interrupt, reaching to grasp his arm before he goes any further. "I trust you. Run and use the bathroom one more time and you can get in the car, alright?"
"Okae!" he shouts, off in a flash.
Yes Dear's doing his own imitation of the Prance.
"Nine o'clock," he says, tapping his watch. "The weather's supposed to worsen early this afternoon, so we need to go early."
At five until 9, he's in the bathroom stemming the blood flow from the hole where Lil' Pip's last tooth has just come out. At five after, he's reading the newspaper for the tenth time while I braid Lil' Pip's hair.
At twenty-five past, the blond bombshell comes bursting back through the door.
"Ar we goen oer noet?"
"Okay! Okay! We're coming!" I exclaim, dragging Lil' Pip out the door.
At 9:30 am, we're all in the car heading into town. There's a light mist falling, and the wind is gusting against the car in big pushes of strength and sound. By the time we pass the library, Yes Dear turns to me and asks, "Where are the raincoats and umbrellas?"
"There should be two of each in the back of the van," I answer.
"Noe dere'z noet," chimes in Prance Helpful from the backseat. "I tuuk dem ouwt whin u weant tu git da neuw kabineatz."
Yes Dear sighs and turns the van around.
At ten o'clock, we're rolling through town for the second time. We manage to make it twenty miles north-west before a little voice in the back seat says, "I'm hungry."
"Didn't you eat any breakfast?" I ask.
"No, I didn't have a chance!" whines Lil' Pip.
"Legolas, be a dear and give Lil' Pip some of your cereal, please, "I plead.
"I kin't. It'z all goen," he answers, holding up the empty gallon-sized baggie. There's absolutely nothing left but a dusting of cocoa flavored sugar lining the plastic. He's eaten the equivalent of a whole box of sugar flavored pebbles all by himself in less than an hour. Oh yeah, baby (c al).
Yes Dear finds a gas station in the next town we pass and stops so everyone can get a bite to eat. Ten dollars later, we get back in the car with a bag of peanut butter M & M's, a plastic container of mini chocolate M & M's, two Chunky's, a dark chocolate Dove bar, a pack of peanut butter crackers, a Coke, an Orange Strawberry and Banana Burst Tropical Twister, and a Minute Maid Lemonade. Oh, and don't forget the Stuckey's Pecan Log Roll.
"Where'd you get that?" I exclaim, drooling as I watch the Prance sink his sparkling white incisors through the pecans and into the sweet marshmallow filling. My dad used to always stop at Stuckey's restaurants when we drove to Minnesota or North Carolina to visit the relatives, and the best thing (besides finally getting to go to the bathroom) was the Stuckey's Pecan Log Roll that he would buy for each of us as we got back in the car.
"Dey wear rite dere by da cash raegistur," mutters Prance through the mouthful of goo.
"I don't think I paid for that," whispers Yes Dear.
"Legolas? Honey, did you pay the lady at the cash register for that?"
"Oef Koerse!"
Hmmm.
"Uhm. . . Legolas? Where did you get the money?" I ask.
"Oeh, it deedn't koest eni muney."
Uh-oh. Not good.
"What did you do?" growls Yes Dear.
"Nuthin!" insists the Prance in his defensive whiny voice. After a long pause, he continues, "I gave her a kees. Dat's all she sed dey koest. U shuld hav goet won tuu!"
Now he's pouting.
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We stop at the beginning of the road that winds up the mountain to switch seats. No lunch beforehand this time, and certainly no elven Princes with motion sickness in the backseat.
Prance Legolas starts the winding trip by producing the first Christmas carol of the day.
"Da bare weant ober da mowntan, da bare weant . . . ."
"That's not a Christmas carol!" complains Lil' Pip from her spot in the backseat.
The Prance rolls his eyes and interrupts his song with, "Yaes it iz."
"No it's not."
"Yaes, it iz."
"Is not!"
"Iz tuu!"
"Knock it off," says Yes Dear. "Finish that one and then sing regular Christmas carols, please, Leggy."
"Okae."
"Da bare weant ober da mowntan, Da bare weant ober da mowntan, Da bare weant ober da mowntan, Tu git a Chreestmus trea!"
"Sea?" he says, twisting in his seat to show off to Lil' Pip. He sticks out his tongue at her. She doesn't miss the opportunity to do stick hers out right back at him.
The next thirty minutes are filled with beautiful music. Sort of.
"U noe Daeshur an Praensiss an Kearmut an Diekzun . . . ."
"That's not right!"
"Yaes it iz!"
"No, it's not!"
"Yaes it iz!"
"Is not!"
"Stop it! Just start with the Rudolph part," I scold.
"Rudeoelf da Raed nozd ranedear. . . ."
"Reindeer," echoes Lil' Pip.
"Haed a vary shiennie noze. . . ."
"Like a lightbulb!" sings Lil' Pip.
Legolas turns and glares at her but keeps on singing, increasing his volume.
"An if u eber saew it. . . . "
"Saw it," repeats Lil' Pip.
"Maek her stoep dat!" growls the Prance to me. "She'z maekin fuen of me!"
"That's the way the song goes!" Lil' Pip protests.
"Noe it'z noet!"
"Yes it is!"
"Noe it'z noet!"
"Yes it is!"
"Iz noet!"
"Is too!"
"Alright!" yells Yes Dear. "No more Christmas carols!"
Party Pooper.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Soon little cartoon Santa signs are appearing on both sides of the road, and the singing evolves into another kind of competition.
"Dere'z won!" shouts the elven prince from the front seat.
"I don't see anything," whines Lil' Pip, her nose pressed to the window.
"Rite dere! Luuk!"
She growls at him.
A few moments later, "Luuk! Dere's anuthr won!"
"Momma, that's not fair! Why does he always get to ride in the front?"
"Because he always throws up when he rides up the mountains in the back," I answer.
"That's disgusting," she moans.
Three sign-spottings more and Lil' Pip has had enough.
"He always wins! It's just not fair! How come I can't ever see one first, huh? Just one, that's all I ask!"
"I hav da eyez of a haewk an da eerz of a foex," says Elfboy.
I knew Thranduil was right about him spending entirely too much time with that dwarf.
We pull into the farmyard and head up the hill to the barn to find a place to park. This year the lot's so full of cars they've got an employee directing traffic.
Legolas is out of the van as soon as we stop. He makes a beeline first for the bathroom, then I see him dash across to the area where the big old farm truck picks everyone up to take them out to the tree field. A few seconds later, he's dashing back, dodging through the bumpers of the $40K SUV's lined up for parking, waving to the drivers as they slam on the brakes to keep from hitting him.
"Luuk! Luuk, al!" he cries, holding his hand out to me. "Luuk whut I goet!"
I peer carefully into his outstretched palm, looking for whatever it is that has gotten him so excited. I see nothing but the lines of his palm and maybe a raindrop or two.
"Sea?" he says, pointing to his hand.
Still nothing. Not even a speck of dirt.
"You'll have to tell me, baby. Your eyes are better than mine."
"Rite dere! Sea dat?" When I shake my head no, he gives an exasperated sigh and points again, "Sea dat snoewflaek?"
Well, maybe there USED to be a snowflake on his palm, but it's long gone now. "I think it melted, sweetheart. Go catch me another one."
"Okae!" he says, bounding off through the line of cars, setting off another round of beeping horns.
By the time I can change into my old tennis shoes, he's back. "Coem oen!" he begs, tugging on my arm. "Mike sez we goetta git oen rite noew if we waenna goe!"
A few moments later, we're coasting down the hill with Legolas perched firmly on top of the cab of the truck, humming away to himself. The soft strains of "O Tannenbaum" followed by "White Christmas" waft down from where he's balanced precariously. Every time we hit a rut in the dirt road or make a turn, it's all I can do not to reach out to steady him, though I know I really don't need to. It's just become a habit I'm finding hard to break.
Or maybe it's just a habit I don't WANT to break.
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It doesn't take long before the snow is falling freely. Big, beautiful white flakes that drop down from the sky, spinning slowly before they hit the ground. The wind is picking up too, making us a lot less selective than last year as far as wandering around endlessly looking for perfection goes. Before long we're back on the truck, heading up the hill to the barn.
Legolas gets more antsy by the minute as the day wanes on. When the truck finally rolls to a stop, he bounces down off the cab in such a hurry I think maybe he's after another bathroom break, but he heads in the opposite direction. He heads toward the concession stand in the barn.
Moments later, while I 'm helping Yes Dear match the ticket in his hand with the ticket on the tree we selected, Legolas wanders dejectedly out of the barn and goes straight to the car. I find him sitting on the wet ground beside the passenger side door.
"Legolas? What's wrong?" I ask, dropping to my knees beside him. The worried, defeated look on his face scares me to death.
"Legolas?"
He looks up, and his deep blue eyes meet mine. They hold the weight of the worlds combined, both Middle-earth as well as the modern one.
"He'z goen."
"What? Who's gone?"
"Saenta Klawse. He'z alraedy goen. He deedn't wate fur me tu git hear." He looks up at me, and there are tears in his eyes.
"al? Hoew em I goenna ask heem tu seand me bak if he izn't hear?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lub Ledderz frum Legolas
I dunnoe if I weel git anuthur oeppurtuenity tu rite tu all of u. I hoep soe, buet tiem iz ruennin vary shoert at dis pownt. Hear goez:
Max Jive: Deed u like my keetchin? It'z aelmoest dun noew. Mebbe whin I git hoem I kin maek sum reanovashunz tu Ada'z throen ruum dere in Mirkwuud. He'd like dat. al sed tu tael u she'z sean whut Weel Tuernur kin due wid a pierate bowt, an she'z noet eantureastid. She oenlee haz muney fur won keetchin *huegz an keesiz fur u*
SarWolfe Snape: Da keetchin tuerned ouwt okae aftur all. *seandz u a beeg kueddul*
Chan: U like da Caerpintur'z Braydz? Dey hep a loet. U like hoew I luuk wid tuulz tuu? Mebbe I culd git a joeb jest hoeldeeng da tuulz, like a moedul en sum of doze buukz like dey hav at da frunt of Valinor.I like Jeapurdee tuu. Dey haed Frodo az won of da ansurz laest weak. Hannon le fur da peekulz, an fur all da huegz an keesiz. I weel mees u tu. *hoeldz u klose an keesiz u deap won laest tiem*
daw the minstrel: I deedn't due tuu guud wid doze tuulz, buet doen't tael al. She theenkz I deed moest of da wurk an dat'z whie Joe gave her a bedder prise dan doze uthur gueyz. I doen't waent tu spoyl it fur her. *skweazes u guudbye*
SperryDee: I hav noet sean da X-men buukz, buet I deed goe sea da mooveez wid al an Yaes Deer. Soe faer ouwr trea iz steel staendin. Nun of da kaetz has maeniged tu nok it doewn, tho dey hav tryed. Taek kaer of ursef an da paetz. I weel mees u. *huegz u*
JastaElf: I hoep tu fiend a spaeshul fraend whin I git bak tu Meedle-erth. al sez tael u thaenk u soe vary muech fur leevin her tu eggsplayen dat won. *THUED* You know, Jasta, he used to watch Jeopardy all the time, but now he's not allowed to watch unless one of us is watching with him to turn off the sound when the commercials and the final question come on. It's just been too much on him. . . .I'm okae noew, hoenust. Ada, taek guud kaer of Jasta. I proemess tu maek u prowd, okae? Weesh me luuk *duz da worrierz haendshaek wid bof of u beafoar I huegz u bof haerd won laest tiem*
Lord Elrond's Bailiff: al iz tuu shoekd tu reaspoend. I theenk she reely liked da soupeena u seant her. She deed sae u ar rite abot my spaellin. Eggskuse me, buet deed u reely sae dat I hav tu kroess da see wid dat Dwaerf tu praezurve sum kiend of kaennon? Kin't dey jest maek anuthur kaennon? I meen, I thot dere wuz oenlee won Reeng, an u'd thaenk sumbuddie wuld lern noet tu maek theegz like dat enimoer, theengz dat wuld rekwire suech a sakrefise az maekin an elf kroess da see wid a Dwaerf. . . A DWAERF???
Lady Silence: *whipez da choklit flaevurd leep gloess oeff my faese wid a naepkin* I'm soe glaed u ar haeppie abot da uepdayte. *shaekz fleepurz wid all da Peangwinz* Taek guud kaer of her, pleeze? *pakz da choclit kaek and praetzulz an cuukiez entu my pokitz* I weel chaerish deze fureber. . . okae, uenteel I feenish eetin dem, buet dat'z da saem thaeng en my buuk, okae? *gievz u a beeg hueg an a kees*
Nilmandra: U noe, we culd proebubly maek a keelin saellin Elf Caerpintur Kaelendurz. Doze Roehan beerdid men deed luuk like laydeez, an mebbe dey wuld like a pikshur of sum fien elf Caerpinturz oen dere waellz. Hummm. . . *snoegz u won laest tiem, taesteeng dat sweat deesurt u haed fur a snaek erlier*
caranwen: I weel chaerish ur ledder furever. My hart ez lieftid wid da seekrits u shaerd. Due noet krie, fur I em strowng an weel bea okae. *kueddulz u*
Lady Peredhel: U muest meen Soular Poewur. Noet da kiend like dat seengur Barry White, tho he haz goet sum poewur wid da laydeez whin he seengz wid da loew loew voyse of heez, ueh hueh. . . .if I kin't taek a Reeeseez Peenuet Bueddur Kuep, I dunnoe hoew I em suepozd tu sneek a laeptoep cumpuedur entu Meedle-erth. I haevn't eggzaktlee haed muech luk wid eelektreesity laetlee. Guud luk tu u an da goerjus hueman guey. I weel mees u *hepz mysef tu a sweat loeng kees*
Writer from Rivendell: Deed da plyurz an da skreudryvur wurk? I hoep soe. *huegz u agin fur luuk*
anna: U like my eerz? Okae. It seamz dat dere ar a loet of peepul whoe like eerz wid poyntz oen dem. I like ur eerz, da wae dey ar iz perty jest like u. . . .*tuchiz ur eer, den keesiz ur cheak*
Grammar Laedee: U goet PP guud, Grammar. She wuz toetully speachliss laest tiem. I doen't theenk dat Araporn weel like da Tuchin me gaem, buet I theenk I weel shoew it tu Merry an Pippin an leat dem bea da wonz dat shoew it tu heem an sea whut haeppinz. Dat wae I kin bea fur enuf awae dat hiz hoellurin woent huert my eerz soe muech. Mebbe whin al iz noet soe bizzy taekin kaer of me, she weel hav moer tiem tu speand taekin kaer of eberybueddie ealse. Thaenk u fur eberythaeng, eggspaeshully fur al. *gievz u da beegist hueg eber!*
Ariarwen: I proemess tu seand u sum kiend of seegnul. U muest wach kaerfullee tho. *seandz huegz an keesiz bak tu u!*
Arienna DyBane: I haevn't haed muech tiem tu praktise wid eni uthur boe buet da won frum Galadriel en Lothlorien. It iz vary nise, an I doen't noe whut I wuld due widowt it. Namarie! *Huegz u bak*
leail: I dunnoe whut tu sae, nin mellon. I weel mees u taerribly tuu. U hav mint soe muech tu al an me. I dunnoe if al weel bea okae aftur I leeve, buet I muest goe, an I due feal bedder noweng dat u weel bea hear tu luuk aftur her. She iz a fuell tiem joeb, u noe. Taek kaer of da leedle wonz, fur da guud of ur Erth an mien. *boewz huemblee beafoar u, den taekz u en my aerms an snoegz u guud won laest tiem*
Andy8: Dat wader wuz a maess! Bea a truew worrier an alwaez hep ur moem, okae Andy? It iz uep tu u noew. I kinnot prowtekt her eni loengur. She weel nead u. *Beastoewz da hiegh hoenur of da Elves oen u*
Cara7: I steel hav won moer dae fur dat praesint tu coem in. I weel wach fur it, okae? Thaenk u fur theenkeng of me. I weel neber furgit u. Dis wuz Legolas, ober an ouwt, *huegglz u*
Shar-Frael: Da keetchin iz doewn tu da leedle tuchiz. Deed u sea da pikshur oen da bio paege? It shur luukz deefrint. I em soerrie I weel noet git tu sea it feenishd. Namarie! *huegz u*
Space-Case 7029: Oeh yaeh, baybee! (c Legolas) I wuld fiend a plase tu ware doze owtfeetz, beeleeve me! Haldir wuld hep me fur shur. Doze thaengz u askd wear Caerpintur'z Seekritz, like whie u muest aelwaez bea laet fur a joeb. Noebuddie noez dat. I weel mees u tu *seandz u a beeg doze of elbin lub*
Jaded Scorpio: oeh yaeh, baybee! (c Legolas) Dat'z a guud ideea abot da nale guen! I em glaed ur keetin wuz okae. I theenk Gandalf da Gray wuld bea a guud naem, if he haezn't won alreedy. U culd kaell heem Mithrandir. *gievz u a loeng kueddle*
Landos Star: Deed u sea da keetchin? It'z luukin muech bedder, tho I muest aedmiet dat I mees da wader fowntan. I wuld coem bak if I culd, buet I doen't eggspaekt it weel bea poessibul dis tiem. *Skweeziz u*
Newmoon: I culd neber bea aengree wid u, my lub. Hueg me wonse agin, okae? *Hoeldz u a loeng tiem*
Leedle Peep: U ar da baest leedle seestur an elfboy culd eber dreem of. Doen't chaeng a thaeng, eggspaeshully ur ruum. I like it jest like it iz. . . . That's because you're not finished helping to clean it, are you elfboy? Now go put those Barbie dresses back where you found them. And if she catches you with that kangaroo bracelet, you'll never make it back to Middle-earth, so you better put that back too. *groewlz an suelkz oeff* You know, Pip, you can always tell when he's up to something. He's a lot like your father.
Phoenix Flight: My hare deed groew bak, reely kwik! Noebuddie weel bea abul tu tael whin I git bak. Taek gudd kaer of usef! *cueddlz u*
Katani Petitedra: U shuld bie stoek en dose theengz haegin owta ur eerz. Den u kuld giev uep byen doze loettury teekitz. *huegz u bekuz I theenk u weel nead it moer dan enibuddie ealse I eber neu*
Lady Aphrodite: Ur weesh iz my koemmand, milaydee. I oenlee weesh u culd haev joyend us eerlier, buet u maed it jest en tiem! *hoeldz u kloese, keesiz u sweatlee*
Dunrosiel: I hoep u ar goen tu bea okae wonse skool leatz owt. It'z oenlee a feu moer dayz. al sez she wuld lub tu sea da pikshur, eben if I em goen, soe seand it eniwae. *huegz u tite*
Angaloth: Mmmmm. . . da dreel. I lub da dreel. I reely waent won of doze nayleguenz tho. Orcs wuld bea skaerd of dat! Hav fuen at da paertee! Weesh me luuk! *gievz u a nise beeg hueg*
Holly: I em goen tu mees Pantene. Da cundishuner en Meedle-erth iz perty guud, buet dis Panteen. . . *sizhs* Straewbarry shaempuu sowndz guud tuu. *seandz u a hueg an a keez*
Magical Rachel: U thaenk dey hav a joeb oepeneeng at da "Whut noet tu waer" Proegraemm? If I coem bak, I weel nead a joeb. al sez I em priselaess noew, soe I theenk she iz aelmoest ouwt of moeny. I em glaed I goet tu tipe tu u won laest tiem. *Huegz an keesiz fur u*
The Karenator: Deed u sea da keetchin? It'z aelmoest feenishd. al an Yaes Deer kin due da raest of da wurk demsefz. I em glaed ur fealeeng bedder. I weel bea kaerful an vary braev an vary stroeng tu whin I goe bak. U due da saem hear, okae? *gievz u a beeg hueg an a kees*
The Two Princesses: I em an evbin prance trained tu cuntroel mysef en daengurus situashunz. Haeving al maed at u deafinutlee kwalafiez az daengurus. Deed u hav a guud treep? I hoep soe. I proemess tu bea da braevist worrier eber sean en Meedle-erth, an I proemess tu aelwaez remimbur u an ur faemilee an hoew muech u mean tu me an al. Im mel le, leedle wonz. *seandz a hoel lien of XOXOXOXOXXOXOXXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO*
Miss Aranel: MMmmmm. . . .straewbaerrie jaem. I weel aelwaez chaerish Straewbaerrie jaem. An Reasiz Peenuet Budder Kuepz, an Sneekurz baerz, an Roeky Roawd Ise Kreem, an Koern Dawgs. . .Legolas! Corn Dogs?? Ueh-hueh. . .Guud luk wid ur eggzams. *gievz u a loeng skweaze*
PuterPatty: I weel luuk fur Meleth az suun az da Kwest iz ober. I em soe glaed we maet, Melethril. I em foereber en ur deabt. U hav bean an empoertint paert of my life, an I weel neber forgit u. No bell, Melethril. No beren. Taek guud kaer of al fur me. I em deapeandin oen u. *tuchez ur cheak, den puellz u klose an hoeldz u beafoar keesing u deaplee, hoepeeng u noe dis is da wae I weel kees Meleth az suun as I find her*
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I goe tumoerroe. Weesh me luk. I lub u all.
Deb: I finished FOTR finally!! I do have a couple of questions for The Prance... First of all, if you're a prince...how come no one really gives you the royal respect you deserve? No one ever calls you prince, and in fact...I feel they sort of keep you in the sidelines in that book. (I'm hoping we'll see lots more of you in the next one). I was also curious what you were up to when you all were in Lothlorien and you left the fellowship for a couple of nights. Was there some good looking she-elf you had to go and make time with? Or was this official business? Also, I'm a little unclear on this immortality thing. Do you have to give that up when you fall in love with a mortal? Or is that more of a symbolic gesture in that one day you'd have to face the mortality of the one you love? (I'm a little worried about Arwen and Aragorn really.) Tell me what happens when an elf and a human mate? Will the offspring be one or the other? Or a cohesive mix of the two? I know that's a lot of questions...but I just have to know!
And Legolas answers her with: Wael, furst of all, I dunnoe whie noebuddie treetz me like roayaltee. Mebbe if I woar my grean Feastavil roabe ensted of my tunik an leagginz (dere NOET TIETZ!) moer peepul wuld treet me wid reaspekt. I wuz bizzy trien tu keap Araporn an Boreamir frum keelin eech uthur fur da furst paert of da jerney, noet tu menshun dat Araporn tuk furever tu git ober dat leedle theeng I sed at da Cownsil meating, An Gandalf goet doze hoebitz smoekin dat piepwead, an we all noe whut haeppinz whin DAT haeppinz, an dere I wuz bizzy agin.
Soe u sea, whin we goet tu Lothlorien, I neaded a brake, u noe?
Noew, abot dis immoraleety thaeng. . . .
AHEM!
Whut?
You didn't answer the question.
Yaes I deed.
No, you didn't.
*glaerz*
Az I wuz saeing. . .
Oen dat immoraleety theeng. . . Elves mae choez tu faell en lub wid moertalz, buet tu due soe wuld meen u muest deaside tu dwaell en Valinor foerevur, liveeng widowt ennithaeng tu woerrie abot buet alowne, oer deasideeng tu give dat up an beacoem moertal buet liveeng wid ur truew lub foer a limated tiem.
Plues, Arwen noez dat if she duzn't peck Araporn, he noez my nuembur. . . .*weenkz*
Soe, bea uenhaeppie furever, oer bea haeppie fur a moertal life? Hummmm. . . .
Az fur ur naekzt kwestshun, I em noe eggspurt, buet I theenk id is muech like whin tuu huemanz maet. Goe aesk ur muther.
Da oefspreeng of a unyun of an elf an a hueman due noet haev tu bea moertal. Dey ar kaeld peredhil, an like Elrond, dey mae choez tu bea moertal or immoral. Elrond'z paerintz an heez tween bruthr all choez tu becoem moertal. Elrond choez immoralitee. Den he maerried an elf, soe it seamz tu hav wurked owt eniwae.
Legolas?
Yaes?
The part about Lothlorien? I'm still curious about what happened.
I ansurd dat.
No, you didn't.
Yaes I did.
Did not.
Deed tu. Noe huerrie an tipe ur paert up, wuld u? Tiem iz waestin.
But Legolas?
Yaes?
You're immortal. What difference does time make?
*groewlz an pokez al* Jest huerrie uep, okae?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 21 The Calm Before The Storm
Lil' Pip gets her smoothie maker for her birthday. She also gets a pizza and bowling party with four of her closest friends. We start out at Pizza Hut with Legolas intermittently pouring the Pepsi and delving through the big black trash bag, looking to make sure none of the pretty bows from the packages get tossed out with the wrapping paper. He also enjoys helping the girls look through their goodie bags to find the fake-hair punk-rocker wraps to go around their ponytails. After he finishes fixing them all up, I wish I had bought one each for Yes Dear, Legolas, and myself. They looked absolutely lovely.
We pile into the van and head for the bowling alley, where the man behind the counter spots our Prance right off the bat and digs out the Magical Mystical Absolutely Disgustingly Horrible Houndstooth Check Bowling Shoes.
"U reemimburd me!" exclaims the Prance, flattered.
"Sweetheart, you're the only one I think would ever be able to pull off wearing a pair of shoes like those," the man answers, shaking his head.
"Thaenk u soe muech!" says the Prance, batting his eyelashes and gathering his shoes in one hand before sashaying off to look for his special hot pink bowling ball.
Everyone has a fabulous day, and everyone breaks a hundred, even the ones who claim they've never bowled before. I think there's been some Magical Shoe Rubbing going on while they're waiting for turns, sitting there innocently sipping on Icee frozen sodas.
Hmmm. I think maybe I ought to ask for those shoes in the future.
We end the day with a trip to Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream, home of the 31 flavors. Everybody gets to pick one scoop, because it's almost time for supper. By the time they've each eaten about half the single scoop, the sugar has hit in full force, and I'm suddenly thankful we didn't start the party with the ice cream.
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Ahhh. . . .Thanksgiving.
We eat at Ryan's Family Steakhouse, since the kitchen's still not totally functional. They've got a bigger spread than we could ever fix anyway: turkey and dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy, ham, green beans, corn, carrots, fried okra, cranberry sauce, and macaroni and cheese. Legolas polishes off most of the entire pan of sweet potato casserole topped with marshmallows, which I discover later is highly processable as sugar through an elf's system. Within an hour he's literally bouncing off the walls. He finally crashes on the couch, halfway through the first disc of "The Two Towers Special Extended Edition", right about the time Treebeard puts Merry and Pippin out too.
I toss a blanket over him, leaving him to dream sweet elven dreams with Princess Elizabeth nestled between his thighs and Haldir, the deaf white kitten, cuddled in the crook of his left arm.
Friday dawns bright and early. Yes Dear's up at the crack of dawn, ready for the traditional harvest of the Christmas tree.
Okay, so the bright part wasn't right. That's the bedroom light overhead shining in my eyes. When I finally struggle out from under the electric blanket to peek outside, the day is dreary and cloudy and the wind is whipping the branches of the oak outside.
This year Legolas is already dressed. I find him standing at the backdoor, his Cocoa Puffs contained in a gallon-size Ziplock baggie, clutched in his hand.
"Moernin!" he mumbles through a mouthful of cereal. "Kin I goe git en da kaer?"
I give him the same looking over I would give Lil' Pip. "Have you got a T- shirt on under your sweatshirt?"
"Yaes," he says, tucking the cereal baggie between his chin and chest and using both hands to lift the hem of the sweatshirt to show me. "An I goet da Chreestmus uendurpaentz oen tu, waenna sea?" His fingers dart down to pop the top button on his jeans.
"No, no, Prance, that's okay," I interrupt, reaching to grasp his arm before he goes any further. "I trust you. Run and use the bathroom one more time and you can get in the car, alright?"
"Okae!" he shouts, off in a flash.
Yes Dear's doing his own imitation of the Prance.
"Nine o'clock," he says, tapping his watch. "The weather's supposed to worsen early this afternoon, so we need to go early."
At five until 9, he's in the bathroom stemming the blood flow from the hole where Lil' Pip's last tooth has just come out. At five after, he's reading the newspaper for the tenth time while I braid Lil' Pip's hair.
At twenty-five past, the blond bombshell comes bursting back through the door.
"Ar we goen oer noet?"
"Okay! Okay! We're coming!" I exclaim, dragging Lil' Pip out the door.
At 9:30 am, we're all in the car heading into town. There's a light mist falling, and the wind is gusting against the car in big pushes of strength and sound. By the time we pass the library, Yes Dear turns to me and asks, "Where are the raincoats and umbrellas?"
"There should be two of each in the back of the van," I answer.
"Noe dere'z noet," chimes in Prance Helpful from the backseat. "I tuuk dem ouwt whin u weant tu git da neuw kabineatz."
Yes Dear sighs and turns the van around.
At ten o'clock, we're rolling through town for the second time. We manage to make it twenty miles north-west before a little voice in the back seat says, "I'm hungry."
"Didn't you eat any breakfast?" I ask.
"No, I didn't have a chance!" whines Lil' Pip.
"Legolas, be a dear and give Lil' Pip some of your cereal, please, "I plead.
"I kin't. It'z all goen," he answers, holding up the empty gallon-sized baggie. There's absolutely nothing left but a dusting of cocoa flavored sugar lining the plastic. He's eaten the equivalent of a whole box of sugar flavored pebbles all by himself in less than an hour. Oh yeah, baby (c al).
Yes Dear finds a gas station in the next town we pass and stops so everyone can get a bite to eat. Ten dollars later, we get back in the car with a bag of peanut butter M & M's, a plastic container of mini chocolate M & M's, two Chunky's, a dark chocolate Dove bar, a pack of peanut butter crackers, a Coke, an Orange Strawberry and Banana Burst Tropical Twister, and a Minute Maid Lemonade. Oh, and don't forget the Stuckey's Pecan Log Roll.
"Where'd you get that?" I exclaim, drooling as I watch the Prance sink his sparkling white incisors through the pecans and into the sweet marshmallow filling. My dad used to always stop at Stuckey's restaurants when we drove to Minnesota or North Carolina to visit the relatives, and the best thing (besides finally getting to go to the bathroom) was the Stuckey's Pecan Log Roll that he would buy for each of us as we got back in the car.
"Dey wear rite dere by da cash raegistur," mutters Prance through the mouthful of goo.
"I don't think I paid for that," whispers Yes Dear.
"Legolas? Honey, did you pay the lady at the cash register for that?"
"Oef Koerse!"
Hmmm.
"Uhm. . . Legolas? Where did you get the money?" I ask.
"Oeh, it deedn't koest eni muney."
Uh-oh. Not good.
"What did you do?" growls Yes Dear.
"Nuthin!" insists the Prance in his defensive whiny voice. After a long pause, he continues, "I gave her a kees. Dat's all she sed dey koest. U shuld hav goet won tuu!"
Now he's pouting.
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We stop at the beginning of the road that winds up the mountain to switch seats. No lunch beforehand this time, and certainly no elven Princes with motion sickness in the backseat.
Prance Legolas starts the winding trip by producing the first Christmas carol of the day.
"Da bare weant ober da mowntan, da bare weant . . . ."
"That's not a Christmas carol!" complains Lil' Pip from her spot in the backseat.
The Prance rolls his eyes and interrupts his song with, "Yaes it iz."
"No it's not."
"Yaes, it iz."
"Is not!"
"Iz tuu!"
"Knock it off," says Yes Dear. "Finish that one and then sing regular Christmas carols, please, Leggy."
"Okae."
"Da bare weant ober da mowntan, Da bare weant ober da mowntan, Da bare weant ober da mowntan, Tu git a Chreestmus trea!"
"Sea?" he says, twisting in his seat to show off to Lil' Pip. He sticks out his tongue at her. She doesn't miss the opportunity to do stick hers out right back at him.
The next thirty minutes are filled with beautiful music. Sort of.
"U noe Daeshur an Praensiss an Kearmut an Diekzun . . . ."
"That's not right!"
"Yaes it iz!"
"No, it's not!"
"Yaes it iz!"
"Is not!"
"Stop it! Just start with the Rudolph part," I scold.
"Rudeoelf da Raed nozd ranedear. . . ."
"Reindeer," echoes Lil' Pip.
"Haed a vary shiennie noze. . . ."
"Like a lightbulb!" sings Lil' Pip.
Legolas turns and glares at her but keeps on singing, increasing his volume.
"An if u eber saew it. . . . "
"Saw it," repeats Lil' Pip.
"Maek her stoep dat!" growls the Prance to me. "She'z maekin fuen of me!"
"That's the way the song goes!" Lil' Pip protests.
"Noe it'z noet!"
"Yes it is!"
"Noe it'z noet!"
"Yes it is!"
"Iz noet!"
"Is too!"
"Alright!" yells Yes Dear. "No more Christmas carols!"
Party Pooper.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Soon little cartoon Santa signs are appearing on both sides of the road, and the singing evolves into another kind of competition.
"Dere'z won!" shouts the elven prince from the front seat.
"I don't see anything," whines Lil' Pip, her nose pressed to the window.
"Rite dere! Luuk!"
She growls at him.
A few moments later, "Luuk! Dere's anuthr won!"
"Momma, that's not fair! Why does he always get to ride in the front?"
"Because he always throws up when he rides up the mountains in the back," I answer.
"That's disgusting," she moans.
Three sign-spottings more and Lil' Pip has had enough.
"He always wins! It's just not fair! How come I can't ever see one first, huh? Just one, that's all I ask!"
"I hav da eyez of a haewk an da eerz of a foex," says Elfboy.
I knew Thranduil was right about him spending entirely too much time with that dwarf.
We pull into the farmyard and head up the hill to the barn to find a place to park. This year the lot's so full of cars they've got an employee directing traffic.
Legolas is out of the van as soon as we stop. He makes a beeline first for the bathroom, then I see him dash across to the area where the big old farm truck picks everyone up to take them out to the tree field. A few seconds later, he's dashing back, dodging through the bumpers of the $40K SUV's lined up for parking, waving to the drivers as they slam on the brakes to keep from hitting him.
"Luuk! Luuk, al!" he cries, holding his hand out to me. "Luuk whut I goet!"
I peer carefully into his outstretched palm, looking for whatever it is that has gotten him so excited. I see nothing but the lines of his palm and maybe a raindrop or two.
"Sea?" he says, pointing to his hand.
Still nothing. Not even a speck of dirt.
"You'll have to tell me, baby. Your eyes are better than mine."
"Rite dere! Sea dat?" When I shake my head no, he gives an exasperated sigh and points again, "Sea dat snoewflaek?"
Well, maybe there USED to be a snowflake on his palm, but it's long gone now. "I think it melted, sweetheart. Go catch me another one."
"Okae!" he says, bounding off through the line of cars, setting off another round of beeping horns.
By the time I can change into my old tennis shoes, he's back. "Coem oen!" he begs, tugging on my arm. "Mike sez we goetta git oen rite noew if we waenna goe!"
A few moments later, we're coasting down the hill with Legolas perched firmly on top of the cab of the truck, humming away to himself. The soft strains of "O Tannenbaum" followed by "White Christmas" waft down from where he's balanced precariously. Every time we hit a rut in the dirt road or make a turn, it's all I can do not to reach out to steady him, though I know I really don't need to. It's just become a habit I'm finding hard to break.
Or maybe it's just a habit I don't WANT to break.
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It doesn't take long before the snow is falling freely. Big, beautiful white flakes that drop down from the sky, spinning slowly before they hit the ground. The wind is picking up too, making us a lot less selective than last year as far as wandering around endlessly looking for perfection goes. Before long we're back on the truck, heading up the hill to the barn.
Legolas gets more antsy by the minute as the day wanes on. When the truck finally rolls to a stop, he bounces down off the cab in such a hurry I think maybe he's after another bathroom break, but he heads in the opposite direction. He heads toward the concession stand in the barn.
Moments later, while I 'm helping Yes Dear match the ticket in his hand with the ticket on the tree we selected, Legolas wanders dejectedly out of the barn and goes straight to the car. I find him sitting on the wet ground beside the passenger side door.
"Legolas? What's wrong?" I ask, dropping to my knees beside him. The worried, defeated look on his face scares me to death.
"Legolas?"
He looks up, and his deep blue eyes meet mine. They hold the weight of the worlds combined, both Middle-earth as well as the modern one.
"He'z goen."
"What? Who's gone?"
"Saenta Klawse. He'z alraedy goen. He deedn't wate fur me tu git hear." He looks up at me, and there are tears in his eyes.
"al? Hoew em I goenna ask heem tu seand me bak if he izn't hear?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lub Ledderz frum Legolas
I dunnoe if I weel git anuthur oeppurtuenity tu rite tu all of u. I hoep soe, buet tiem iz ruennin vary shoert at dis pownt. Hear goez:
Max Jive: Deed u like my keetchin? It'z aelmoest dun noew. Mebbe whin I git hoem I kin maek sum reanovashunz tu Ada'z throen ruum dere in Mirkwuud. He'd like dat. al sed tu tael u she'z sean whut Weel Tuernur kin due wid a pierate bowt, an she'z noet eantureastid. She oenlee haz muney fur won keetchin *huegz an keesiz fur u*
SarWolfe Snape: Da keetchin tuerned ouwt okae aftur all. *seandz u a beeg kueddul*
Chan: U like da Caerpintur'z Braydz? Dey hep a loet. U like hoew I luuk wid tuulz tuu? Mebbe I culd git a joeb jest hoeldeeng da tuulz, like a moedul en sum of doze buukz like dey hav at da frunt of Valinor.I like Jeapurdee tuu. Dey haed Frodo az won of da ansurz laest weak. Hannon le fur da peekulz, an fur all da huegz an keesiz. I weel mees u tu. *hoeldz u klose an keesiz u deap won laest tiem*
daw the minstrel: I deedn't due tuu guud wid doze tuulz, buet doen't tael al. She theenkz I deed moest of da wurk an dat'z whie Joe gave her a bedder prise dan doze uthur gueyz. I doen't waent tu spoyl it fur her. *skweazes u guudbye*
SperryDee: I hav noet sean da X-men buukz, buet I deed goe sea da mooveez wid al an Yaes Deer. Soe faer ouwr trea iz steel staendin. Nun of da kaetz has maeniged tu nok it doewn, tho dey hav tryed. Taek kaer of ursef an da paetz. I weel mees u. *huegz u*
JastaElf: I hoep tu fiend a spaeshul fraend whin I git bak tu Meedle-erth. al sez tael u thaenk u soe vary muech fur leevin her tu eggsplayen dat won. *THUED* You know, Jasta, he used to watch Jeopardy all the time, but now he's not allowed to watch unless one of us is watching with him to turn off the sound when the commercials and the final question come on. It's just been too much on him. . . .I'm okae noew, hoenust. Ada, taek guud kaer of Jasta. I proemess tu maek u prowd, okae? Weesh me luuk *duz da worrierz haendshaek wid bof of u beafoar I huegz u bof haerd won laest tiem*
Lord Elrond's Bailiff: al iz tuu shoekd tu reaspoend. I theenk she reely liked da soupeena u seant her. She deed sae u ar rite abot my spaellin. Eggskuse me, buet deed u reely sae dat I hav tu kroess da see wid dat Dwaerf tu praezurve sum kiend of kaennon? Kin't dey jest maek anuthur kaennon? I meen, I thot dere wuz oenlee won Reeng, an u'd thaenk sumbuddie wuld lern noet tu maek theegz like dat enimoer, theengz dat wuld rekwire suech a sakrefise az maekin an elf kroess da see wid a Dwaerf. . . A DWAERF???
Lady Silence: *whipez da choklit flaevurd leep gloess oeff my faese wid a naepkin* I'm soe glaed u ar haeppie abot da uepdayte. *shaekz fleepurz wid all da Peangwinz* Taek guud kaer of her, pleeze? *pakz da choclit kaek and praetzulz an cuukiez entu my pokitz* I weel chaerish deze fureber. . . okae, uenteel I feenish eetin dem, buet dat'z da saem thaeng en my buuk, okae? *gievz u a beeg hueg an a kees*
Nilmandra: U noe, we culd proebubly maek a keelin saellin Elf Caerpintur Kaelendurz. Doze Roehan beerdid men deed luuk like laydeez, an mebbe dey wuld like a pikshur of sum fien elf Caerpinturz oen dere waellz. Hummm. . . *snoegz u won laest tiem, taesteeng dat sweat deesurt u haed fur a snaek erlier*
caranwen: I weel chaerish ur ledder furever. My hart ez lieftid wid da seekrits u shaerd. Due noet krie, fur I em strowng an weel bea okae. *kueddulz u*
Lady Peredhel: U muest meen Soular Poewur. Noet da kiend like dat seengur Barry White, tho he haz goet sum poewur wid da laydeez whin he seengz wid da loew loew voyse of heez, ueh hueh. . . .if I kin't taek a Reeeseez Peenuet Bueddur Kuep, I dunnoe hoew I em suepozd tu sneek a laeptoep cumpuedur entu Meedle-erth. I haevn't eggzaktlee haed muech luk wid eelektreesity laetlee. Guud luk tu u an da goerjus hueman guey. I weel mees u *hepz mysef tu a sweat loeng kees*
Writer from Rivendell: Deed da plyurz an da skreudryvur wurk? I hoep soe. *huegz u agin fur luuk*
anna: U like my eerz? Okae. It seamz dat dere ar a loet of peepul whoe like eerz wid poyntz oen dem. I like ur eerz, da wae dey ar iz perty jest like u. . . .*tuchiz ur eer, den keesiz ur cheak*
Grammar Laedee: U goet PP guud, Grammar. She wuz toetully speachliss laest tiem. I doen't theenk dat Araporn weel like da Tuchin me gaem, buet I theenk I weel shoew it tu Merry an Pippin an leat dem bea da wonz dat shoew it tu heem an sea whut haeppinz. Dat wae I kin bea fur enuf awae dat hiz hoellurin woent huert my eerz soe muech. Mebbe whin al iz noet soe bizzy taekin kaer of me, she weel hav moer tiem tu speand taekin kaer of eberybueddie ealse. Thaenk u fur eberythaeng, eggspaeshully fur al. *gievz u da beegist hueg eber!*
Ariarwen: I proemess tu seand u sum kiend of seegnul. U muest wach kaerfullee tho. *seandz huegz an keesiz bak tu u!*
Arienna DyBane: I haevn't haed muech tiem tu praktise wid eni uthur boe buet da won frum Galadriel en Lothlorien. It iz vary nise, an I doen't noe whut I wuld due widowt it. Namarie! *Huegz u bak*
leail: I dunnoe whut tu sae, nin mellon. I weel mees u taerribly tuu. U hav mint soe muech tu al an me. I dunnoe if al weel bea okae aftur I leeve, buet I muest goe, an I due feal bedder noweng dat u weel bea hear tu luuk aftur her. She iz a fuell tiem joeb, u noe. Taek kaer of da leedle wonz, fur da guud of ur Erth an mien. *boewz huemblee beafoar u, den taekz u en my aerms an snoegz u guud won laest tiem*
Andy8: Dat wader wuz a maess! Bea a truew worrier an alwaez hep ur moem, okae Andy? It iz uep tu u noew. I kinnot prowtekt her eni loengur. She weel nead u. *Beastoewz da hiegh hoenur of da Elves oen u*
Cara7: I steel hav won moer dae fur dat praesint tu coem in. I weel wach fur it, okae? Thaenk u fur theenkeng of me. I weel neber furgit u. Dis wuz Legolas, ober an ouwt, *huegglz u*
Shar-Frael: Da keetchin iz doewn tu da leedle tuchiz. Deed u sea da pikshur oen da bio paege? It shur luukz deefrint. I em soerrie I weel noet git tu sea it feenishd. Namarie! *huegz u*
Space-Case 7029: Oeh yaeh, baybee! (c Legolas) I wuld fiend a plase tu ware doze owtfeetz, beeleeve me! Haldir wuld hep me fur shur. Doze thaengz u askd wear Caerpintur'z Seekritz, like whie u muest aelwaez bea laet fur a joeb. Noebuddie noez dat. I weel mees u tu *seandz u a beeg doze of elbin lub*
Jaded Scorpio: oeh yaeh, baybee! (c Legolas) Dat'z a guud ideea abot da nale guen! I em glaed ur keetin wuz okae. I theenk Gandalf da Gray wuld bea a guud naem, if he haezn't won alreedy. U culd kaell heem Mithrandir. *gievz u a loeng kueddle*
Landos Star: Deed u sea da keetchin? It'z luukin muech bedder, tho I muest aedmiet dat I mees da wader fowntan. I wuld coem bak if I culd, buet I doen't eggspaekt it weel bea poessibul dis tiem. *Skweeziz u*
Newmoon: I culd neber bea aengree wid u, my lub. Hueg me wonse agin, okae? *Hoeldz u a loeng tiem*
Leedle Peep: U ar da baest leedle seestur an elfboy culd eber dreem of. Doen't chaeng a thaeng, eggspaeshully ur ruum. I like it jest like it iz. . . . That's because you're not finished helping to clean it, are you elfboy? Now go put those Barbie dresses back where you found them. And if she catches you with that kangaroo bracelet, you'll never make it back to Middle-earth, so you better put that back too. *groewlz an suelkz oeff* You know, Pip, you can always tell when he's up to something. He's a lot like your father.
Phoenix Flight: My hare deed groew bak, reely kwik! Noebuddie weel bea abul tu tael whin I git bak. Taek gudd kaer of usef! *cueddlz u*
Katani Petitedra: U shuld bie stoek en dose theengz haegin owta ur eerz. Den u kuld giev uep byen doze loettury teekitz. *huegz u bekuz I theenk u weel nead it moer dan enibuddie ealse I eber neu*
Lady Aphrodite: Ur weesh iz my koemmand, milaydee. I oenlee weesh u culd haev joyend us eerlier, buet u maed it jest en tiem! *hoeldz u kloese, keesiz u sweatlee*
Dunrosiel: I hoep u ar goen tu bea okae wonse skool leatz owt. It'z oenlee a feu moer dayz. al sez she wuld lub tu sea da pikshur, eben if I em goen, soe seand it eniwae. *huegz u tite*
Angaloth: Mmmmm. . . da dreel. I lub da dreel. I reely waent won of doze nayleguenz tho. Orcs wuld bea skaerd of dat! Hav fuen at da paertee! Weesh me luuk! *gievz u a nise beeg hueg*
Holly: I em goen tu mees Pantene. Da cundishuner en Meedle-erth iz perty guud, buet dis Panteen. . . *sizhs* Straewbarry shaempuu sowndz guud tuu. *seandz u a hueg an a keez*
Magical Rachel: U thaenk dey hav a joeb oepeneeng at da "Whut noet tu waer" Proegraemm? If I coem bak, I weel nead a joeb. al sez I em priselaess noew, soe I theenk she iz aelmoest ouwt of moeny. I em glaed I goet tu tipe tu u won laest tiem. *Huegz an keesiz fur u*
The Karenator: Deed u sea da keetchin? It'z aelmoest feenishd. al an Yaes Deer kin due da raest of da wurk demsefz. I em glaed ur fealeeng bedder. I weel bea kaerful an vary braev an vary stroeng tu whin I goe bak. U due da saem hear, okae? *gievz u a beeg hueg an a kees*
The Two Princesses: I em an evbin prance trained tu cuntroel mysef en daengurus situashunz. Haeving al maed at u deafinutlee kwalafiez az daengurus. Deed u hav a guud treep? I hoep soe. I proemess tu bea da braevist worrier eber sean en Meedle-erth, an I proemess tu aelwaez remimbur u an ur faemilee an hoew muech u mean tu me an al. Im mel le, leedle wonz. *seandz a hoel lien of XOXOXOXOXXOXOXXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO*
Miss Aranel: MMmmmm. . . .straewbaerrie jaem. I weel aelwaez chaerish Straewbaerrie jaem. An Reasiz Peenuet Budder Kuepz, an Sneekurz baerz, an Roeky Roawd Ise Kreem, an Koern Dawgs. . .Legolas! Corn Dogs?? Ueh-hueh. . .Guud luk wid ur eggzams. *gievz u a loeng skweaze*
PuterPatty: I weel luuk fur Meleth az suun az da Kwest iz ober. I em soe glaed we maet, Melethril. I em foereber en ur deabt. U hav bean an empoertint paert of my life, an I weel neber forgit u. No bell, Melethril. No beren. Taek guud kaer of al fur me. I em deapeandin oen u. *tuchez ur cheak, den puellz u klose an hoeldz u beafoar keesing u deaplee, hoepeeng u noe dis is da wae I weel kees Meleth az suun as I find her*
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I goe tumoerroe. Weesh me luk. I lub u all.