I trudged into my dorm and I ached all over. I felt as though the Bash
Brothers had used me as a punching bag for the last two hours. I dropped my
hockey bag and locked the door behind me; I didn't need any of the Ducks
just wandering in while I was tending my 'battle' wounds. I walked into the
washroom and closed the door behind me sliding down in because bending over
caused too much pain.
"Just hit him back." I mimicked Fulton's deep gruff voice. "Oh please, as if he could ever understand what I'm going through." I opened the cabinets under the sink and grabbed a bottle of prescription pain medication I had left from my wrist. They aren't that strong, or anything, in fact the doctor said that it would just take the edge off the pain, which is exactly what I need. "Take one pill, twice daily as needed." I read the instructions on the amber bottle.
I opened the bottle and shook a little pill onto my hand. It was awfully tiny. Was I to believe that that miniscule pill was going to take away all the pain and suffering my father had unleashed onto my already battered body from hockey and Will? I began to shake out another, but instead three more fell into my hand. Four tiny pills wouldn't hurt me. My hockey career hasn't killed me yet and my father hasn't, and Will hasn't either; so what's a whole pill bottle going to do to me? I'm practically invincible.
I dumped the bottle onto the floor and began to count them once by one, separating them into groups of five, much like a child would M fifteen pills, how ironic. Fifteen years of painful memories I wanted to go away. Fifteen years of living up to my father's expectations. Fifteen years of being something I'm not.
I picked up a handful of them and swallowed them down quickly; closing my eyes and feeling them slither down my throat like a serpent; just like the way my father slithered in and out of my life making sure I stayed in line. The way he made me play hockey. The way he made me study Spanish. The way he took away everything that made me happy, like Josie.
I eyes shot open and took a harsh breath in. "Josie." I whispered to myself. I looked around myself and sat there in shock. What am I doing? Invincible? I looked down around me and realized there were only about five or six pills left. I swallowed over nine pills?
I painfully shoved two fingers down my throat, a wave of nausea washing over my body. Grimacing I crawled my way over to the porcelain toilet bowl and the contents of my stomach were emptied. I hacked, my arms resting on the seat. Resting for the first time since I had woke up this morning.
Completely drained I pushed myself away from the toilet and rested against the wall. What the hell was I thinking? I may hate my dad and he may hate me but it's no reason to do whatever I thought I was doing. Josie needed me. God, I promised her I would never scare her ever again. I gave her my word. What would happen if I actually died or something? That's two people she's been close to leave her. And the Ducks! What would they do?
I hit my head against the wall. I was trying to commit suicide and I didn't even realize it. I just wanted the pain to stop. I just wanted to stop, kind of like Mendoza I guess. I closed my eyes. God I was so stupid.
I put the remaining pills into the bottle with shaking hands, each of them making a 'plop' noise as it bounced off the plastic. I pulled myself off the floor and stood up straight as I walked out of the washroom, teetering slightly. I unlocked the door and opened it and peeked my head out. Charlie stood at his dorm room with Charlotte who was holding a book and pointing at it.
"Spazway!" I called to him, not wanting to move out into the open hallway, for fear my legs will give out.
Charlie looked up from unlocking his dorm and looked over at Charlotte and made his way over to me. "What preppie? I'm not in the mood to be lied to."
I closed my eyes and grabbed his hand and forcing the pill bottle into his hands. "Take it." I ordered him.
He looked down at what he was holding and his eyes widened. "What the hell Banks! What is this?" He hissed to me trying not to attract attention from Charlotte or the other Ducks that hung around in the halls.
I blinked. "They're just my pain pills. I don't want them in my room. I . . ."
"So what? You want to pawn your little 'habit' onto me? Or are you just scared that your daddy is going to find out?" He spat at me, shoving the bottle into my hands. "Because I don't want it."
"Charlie! It isn't what you think. Listen to me. They are just the pills I was given at the Goodwill Games for my wrist. I just can't have them in my room ok?" I whispered back to him putting them back in his hand.
He seemed to calm down a little. "Why?" He asked curiously. Again the Duck in him seemed to shine; making sure one of the flock was ok.
I looked away from him. "I don't want to talk about it now. Later I promise."
His jaw tightened and he stared at me unblinking.
"Charlie! You have the exam on Monday! You aren't going to learn non-right angle trigonometry without studying it." Charlotte called tapping her foot impatiently.
Charlie looked over at Charlotte and nodded and turned back to me. "Ok Banksie. You and I are talking after dinner and you are going to tell Orion about your dad."
I shook my head. "I am not. . ."
"That isn't a request. It's an order from your Captain." He smiled.
"You can't make me." I shot make at him. "Besides this isn't the army and I'm not a soldier."
He nodded. "No, but I can always ask the rest of the team to tell him what you said, Private." He winked.
I took a deep breath. "Charlie this is not a game, this is my life."
He nodded. "Exactly, that's why I would ask them to. Now if you excuse me, I have to learn the finer points of non-right angle trig and stay on the hockey team. You know, I don't want to be riding the pine pony." He smirked and turned to go back to his dorm.
"Sure you are. Remember to come up for air." I scoffed.
He looked over his shoulder. "Oh I will Banksie."
~*~
I looked over at my alarm clock. The numbers flashed 5:30 but it really had no meaning anymore. I was face down on my bed and I didn't want to move. I just wanted to lie. My stomach on the other hand had a different plan.
I groaned as my stomach growled for the thousandth time all day. I tried to read my American History notes but it all seemed a blur. Names and dates just seemed to melt into one word, making it impossible to study, 'Josie.' I closed my eyes and tried to picture her face the night before. God, last night was so perfect, well minus the winning Snow Prince and the whole using Charlotte to make Josie jealous, which I don't think really worked, I think I just made me look less like a pathetic loser.
A few soft taps on my door interrupted my thoughts of her. "Banks. Dinner."
I groaned again. Food. I so did not want to move.
The taps on my door got louder. "Banks." The voice seemed slightly more annoyed.
I covered my head with my pillow. I was hungry but I did not want to go and I did not want to talk to the Ducks about my . . . feelings. "Go away."
The taps morphed into three loud slams on my door. "Banks open up. You weren't at breakfast or lunch. You have to eat."
I pulled myself off my bed and slumped my way over to the door and opened it a crack. "Go away. Not hungry."
The door was pushed open completely my Portman, Fulton and Charlie who each rolled their eyes at me.
"Man you seriously need to pull yourself together." Fulton said shaking his head. "You look like shit."
I scoffed. "Well I feel like I got run over by an emotional bus at the moment and I would rather not go to dinner." I said trotting over to my bed and collapsing on it face first.
"Your dad must've really let hell lose." I heard Portman comment.
I frowned into my pillow. "Shut up Portman I didn't ask you."
"And he's moody, thinks he can get away with telling the big bad enforcer to 'shut up'. . ."I smirked. Averman must've just entered the room from his mini date with the mystery girl from detention. Portman growled at Averman who immediately was silent. "So what's wrong with Mr. Moneybags now?"
"Shut up Averman." I said my words muffled by my pillow.
"No one ever tires of telling me to shut up, do they?" Averman asked. He must've shrugged it off because he continued. "Is it split personality dad or crazy psychotic dad that's getting you down?"
I grabbed a pillow and tossed it in his general direction. "They both are crazy and psychotic, stupid." I said with a harshness in my voice I didn't mean.
Charlie decided to step in. "Banksie you haven't talked to us like that since we were in District Five. Quelle mouche l'avait pique?"
I looked up from my pillow and around at the other guys. I guess I wasn't the only person who heard Charlie speaking a language other than English.
Charlie shifted his weight over his two feet. "Charlotte was teaching me some expressions at the dance. It translates to 'which fly has bitten you', but means what's gotten into you."
Portman and Fulton shook their heads in a confused manner and Averman and I exchanged looks. "Don't do that anymore." I said rubbing my eyes.
Charlie blushed and nodded. "Well answer the question. What the hell is wrong with you?"
I shrugged and was about to collapse back onto my pillow my Portman grabbed my shoulders and Fulton grabbed the pillow.
"Answer." They both ordered at the same time.
I groaned and leaned against the wall. "I dunno. I've had a hard week. You know, Josie getting angry at me, then getting together with her and you guys saw what happened at practice. I feel like crap and food doesn't sound so great at the moment."
Charlie reached into his pocket and pulled out the amber pill bottle from before. "Ok, then what's this."
The Bash Brothers and Averman eyed the bottle carefully frowning at me.
"It was nothing." I said staring at Charlie. I did not want to talk about what happened in front of more than one person, it was embarrassing.
Charlie nodded, his brown eyes locked with mine, his face obviously not amused. "Sure it was nothing."
"It wasn't I swear!" I yelped pulling my knees in toward my chest. With four guys in my room asking me questions, I'm starting to feel trapped.
"Liar." I heard Charlie scoff under his breath.
My eyes widened and I jumped off the bed. "Don't call me a liar Conway." I said pushing his shoulders catching him off balance.
He steadied himself and pushed me back. "Why shouldn't I! You are!"
I was about to hit him, but I was immediately stopped by Portman, and Fulton took Charlie. "Banksie chill." Portman said throwing me back into my bed, while Fulton tossed Charlie with ease onto Averman's.
Fulton eyed us both. "Now Banksie, spill. We all know something is up with you."
I crossed my arms. "There is nothing wrong with me. You make me sound as if I were broken."
"Oh yeah, because everyday you hand me a bottle of prescription painkillers while you look like you are almost dead." Charlie spat at me.
I made a move to stand up but Portman immediately put a hand on my shoulder and forced me back onto my bed. "You know what; fuck you Conway. I don't need your help. Some friend you are."
Charlie's eyes widened. "Some friend I am? Me? I'm trying to be your friend, preppy. But you won't tell me jack shit. If someone in this room is that isn't being a friend, it's you."
"Oh yes, let's just blame Adam again. Everything that goes wrong is MY fault!" I yelled back at him. "You know what; give me back that bottle and get out of my room!"
Charlie threw the bottle at me but missed, making it crack open against the wall and the pills flew out around the room and moved to get up.
"Charlie, stay." Averman said pushing him down onto his bed. "This isn't just Adam's room."
"Averman, fu_"
Portman slapped a hand over my mouth. "Banksie, shut up." He ordered forcefully. "Because it seems to me that all you can do is tell people to fuck off."
I took a breath and shut my mouth calmly and looked up at Portman.
Fulton looked over at me. "So what's with the pills?"
I looked down at my feet. "I took a couple."
Portman sat down beside me and leaned over to look me in the eyes. "How many is a couple Banksie?"
I shrugged.
"A shrug isn't getting you out of this Banks. We want a number." Portman said forcefully his voice teetering on the edge of worry.
"About nine."
"Holy shit." I heard Charlie mutter. "Holy shit Banks."
Portman got up. "Ok we're taking him to the nurse now."
"No I'm ok guys." I said looking around at them. "Really I am."
Fulton shook his head. "No, Banksie you aren't ok."
I stood up. "I'm fine. I threw up after I took them."
The guys looked around at each other and eyed me carefully. Charlie decided to speak. "Your not bullshitting us."
I shook my head and looked away from them. God this was really embarrassing, they must think I'm a complete head case.
"Why?" Averman squeaked out. I guess he didn't have any jokes for this type of situation.
I shrugged. "I wanted to stop hurting, just for a little bit."
"And you thought that killing yourself was the way to do that?" Fulton asked uneasily, his voice faltering slightly.
I shook my head. "I wasn't trying to kill myself." I whispered, my vision began to blur a little and my throat felt like it was slowly closing. "It just really hurt." A tear dripped down my face and I wiped it away hastily. I sniffed. "You guys must think I'm crazy."
"No, not crazy, we're just surprised." Portman said running a hand through his hair. "You just seem like the last person to try and do that, next to like Ken."
"Come on man." Fulton said gripping one of my arms reassuringly. "You should eat."
I closed my eyes and nodded. "Can we keep this in between us?" I whispered quietly.
"It depends, Cake-eater." Charlie whispered back. "Will you talk to us if something like this happens again?"
"Yeah." I nodded.
Charlie nodded carefully. "Ok, then all we have to do is tell Orion about your dad."
I looked up at him. "No. I'm ok, I can deal with it."
Portman threw an arm over my shoulder. "Obviously not."
I closed my eyes. "Can we wait? He isn't like that, I swear. He won't do it again."
The guys exchanged glances. "Come on Banksie. Let's go to dinner."
~
*
~
*
~
*
~
*
A/N: I know; I made Banksie suicidal. I don't usually like dealing with topics like this because they are serious and they are not funny and they should not be dealt with lightly that is the same with abuse. Hopefully, you did not take offence to it, and if you did, I am SO sorry. I might have been a little influenced lately because my friend's boyfriend's best friend just committed suicide like this week and they say 'write what you know'. Well this is kind of what I know. I know the emotions of the aftermath. If you ever feel like you are about to give up in anyway, talk to someone; people are great listeners. Remember: You are the world to someone, and probably don't even know it.
Shout outs!
Anna- Hey! Ok pick up your mouth; dust it off . . . are you ok now? *smiles* I know most people weren't expecting the abuse and hopefully you weren't expecting this chapter either. If you were, are you reading my thoughts? Oh wait, Beaner is. . . I forgot. The parents are thinking that Adam and Josie were having sex because in a past chapter Will (do you remember him?) said that Josie was pregnant. However it was found out that she wasn't, I trying to make it obvious that Dr. Best does believe that Will had some reason to think his daughter was pregnant (aka- they were having sex), but then again how would Will know right? Adam and Josie did tell them, but they just don't believe them. Hey, they're teens! I hope you like this chapter!! Thanks for the review!!
SqUiDsLiLpYrO- It's ok! People's reflexes are fun!! Besides reviews that make me laugh are great! I made a little Charlie/Charlotte subplot. The Ducks-"SUBPLOT!!" *sighs* Oh just go with it. I can't say anything like that without them saying it along with me. That and I can't study my French. I was trying to teach Fulton some sayings, (I was teaching Charlie but he was shipped off) and now he can only say. . . Fulton- "Sentir le piege a plein nez!" It translates to, the smell of a trap fills my nose but means- I smell a trap or something is not right. He's been saying that for the past two days.
Shelbers- We threw a cell phone into the crate with Charlie and he called to tell us that he's stopped and thinks that he's in you hometown now. He also says, *clears voice* 'LET ME OUT NOW OR I'LL. . .' And then the phone cut out. Actually Jesse ran up and hung up the phone. So you could probably pick him up now. Oh you're supposed to dislike Adam's dad. That's the point! If you liked him now, I would be worried. Yay! You like my Adam/Josie stuff! That makes me too happy! I must go celebrate! *Adam taps author's shoulder* Adam: "Kate, you have to finish your shout outs." *author pouts* Oh. . . I wanted to celebrate. Fulton: "We'll make you a cake. . ." *author grins* Ok!! I'm going to finish my shout outs! Thanks for the review!!
Rachel- Ok take a deep breath and calm yourself. You must read this carefully. Ok? *author gasps excitedly* I'm #1 in your book . . . you have a book? *smiles* the ducks love you!!! I promise! Brilliant? I don't know if it's brilliant. He wasn't on crack he was . . . well I'll explain in later chapters. Ok you don't want to kill. Have you taken those breaths? Take a few more. I'm sorry I didn't update as I usually do. My dad tore apart the computer. . . AGAIN! But I have one now, so I'm good. Don't harass me! I updated! See??
Tara- Yeah, it was an understatement, but this is Banks. Think about it, sweet innocent Adam Nathanial Banks who wouldn't hurt anyone. *Adam frowns* Adam: "You make me sound like a girl." Jesse: "You are a girl." Adam: "Oh go drown in the pond." Jesse: "Go cry to your rich parents." *Adam grins victoriously* Adam: "HA! Charlie said that in D3! I win!" *Jesse eyes Banks and sits down sadly beside the author* Jesse: "Cake-eater." *author gives Jesse and Adam hugs* Guys, can we stop fighting? You guys are friends. Remember D1, you guys were friends by the time Adam got crosschecked and his head hit the goal post. And D2, you guys were friends all through that. Adam: "You weren't even in D3. See, I was more loved!" Jesse: *scowls* "Not true. I didn't want to go to a school filled with preppy cake-eaters like you." Guys!! Can I get on with my review? Can you go settle it through a friendly game of pool? Adam & Jesse: "Yes. . ." Good. Omigod! You do?? Fulton: "Katie sometimes talks funny too! But not to the extent of Tara. She really does say eh! Whenever she does we say it back to her! EH Katie?" Be quiet Fulton. Fulton: "I was upset when she didn't say 'Aboot'." *author sighs* Oh for God sake stop pouting. Fulton: "Say 'Aboot'." *sighs* Aboot. . . Fulton: *grins excitedly* "Ha Portman! I told you that Canadians say aboot and not about! You owe me five bucks and your new commando boots!!" *author rolls eyes* Fulton: "Actually we didn't BUY that novelty T-shirt. We were actually at the contest. . . it was REALLY fun. Girls standing around in the snow wearing nothing but a bikini. It's really fun! Jesse stole Adam's video camera. We have the WHOLE contest on tape!" OK Fulton no more! EW. . . guys. *Jesse and Adam peek their heads into the room*. Adam: "We resent that." Jesse: *nods* "Just because we enjoyed going to that mountain doesn't mean you can say 'ew'. You are such a girl." *author's jaw drops* If you excuse me I think I have to go beat both of their asses at pool. Lots of Love: Katie, Fulton, Jesse and Adam.
OreoLine00- I know it was mean and cruel! Uh don't beat him up yet. You can beat him up after I'm finished with him. LOL, Little Adam does remind me of Prince William. Hm. . . Adam: "Don't get any ideas." *sighs* Fine. OH!! You didn't answer on whether or not you wanted Jesse! *Jesse pouts* Jesse: "She has an Oreo Line name but she doesn't want me." Oh! Jesse! It's ok! Do you want him? He's getting really sad. You were watching D3 as you were reviewing? Ok. I might have to go watch one of the movies now. Fulton: "Shout outs Katie. Focus." Ok. . . Anyways thanks for the Review and do you want Jesse? Do ya do ya? *Jesse pouts*
Beaner- It made it completely through! Go you! Superdad was too good to be true! You were so right! *coughs* Exactly, your Adam? I'm agreeing with Guy here. I thought he was MINE! Fulton and Jesse: "Hey what about us?" I love you guys to! Same with you Guy!! Ok hurting Adam= bad. Ok, you clearly put that out there. Adam: "I know he's a jerk but I love him. Ok! Stop bugging me!" *eyes everyone and storms out of the room.* Yikes. Ok, Adam needs a little time out. Jesse: "Reunion Tour is a go! *turns to Kate (the author) First of all we need to get you a nickname. Secondly, if you do a sequel, can you make an Oreo line reunion? Please?" *author thinks* Maybe, we'll see. Jesse: "Yes!! Go us!" Fulton: "Uh . . . don't ask about that outburst. I wasn't . . . feeling well. *gives author a squeeze* I'm ok now! Uh . . . yeah . . . later we should talk about . . . stuff . . . hockey . . . stuff . . .*nods confused and turns to author* Can I go now, I'm starting to scare myself." Yeah ok. *Fulton runs off into another room* Ok Adam would say something but. . . *Adam grabs keyboard and shoos author out of the room* Adam! Hey! You can't_ Adam: "There alone at last. Hey Guy! Yeah, no worries about Fulton. I've made an alliance with him. Yup Charlie is gone; it was fun tapping on the crate while he was in there. He was getting scared. Oh, and I'm sorry about calling you a traitor. That was completely like weird of me to do something like that. Uh . . ._" *author storms back into the room with Fulton by her side* Fulton, take him and sit on him. *Fulton nods and grabs Banksie around the middle and drags him to the living room* There. Ok, hey Guy! I updated. . . There was no you in it and I'm sorry, but just think of it this way, you were with Connie in the dining hall when this chapter took place. Ok? Anyways lates!
Review!!
~Toodles!
"Just hit him back." I mimicked Fulton's deep gruff voice. "Oh please, as if he could ever understand what I'm going through." I opened the cabinets under the sink and grabbed a bottle of prescription pain medication I had left from my wrist. They aren't that strong, or anything, in fact the doctor said that it would just take the edge off the pain, which is exactly what I need. "Take one pill, twice daily as needed." I read the instructions on the amber bottle.
I opened the bottle and shook a little pill onto my hand. It was awfully tiny. Was I to believe that that miniscule pill was going to take away all the pain and suffering my father had unleashed onto my already battered body from hockey and Will? I began to shake out another, but instead three more fell into my hand. Four tiny pills wouldn't hurt me. My hockey career hasn't killed me yet and my father hasn't, and Will hasn't either; so what's a whole pill bottle going to do to me? I'm practically invincible.
I dumped the bottle onto the floor and began to count them once by one, separating them into groups of five, much like a child would M fifteen pills, how ironic. Fifteen years of painful memories I wanted to go away. Fifteen years of living up to my father's expectations. Fifteen years of being something I'm not.
I picked up a handful of them and swallowed them down quickly; closing my eyes and feeling them slither down my throat like a serpent; just like the way my father slithered in and out of my life making sure I stayed in line. The way he made me play hockey. The way he made me study Spanish. The way he took away everything that made me happy, like Josie.
I eyes shot open and took a harsh breath in. "Josie." I whispered to myself. I looked around myself and sat there in shock. What am I doing? Invincible? I looked down around me and realized there were only about five or six pills left. I swallowed over nine pills?
I painfully shoved two fingers down my throat, a wave of nausea washing over my body. Grimacing I crawled my way over to the porcelain toilet bowl and the contents of my stomach were emptied. I hacked, my arms resting on the seat. Resting for the first time since I had woke up this morning.
Completely drained I pushed myself away from the toilet and rested against the wall. What the hell was I thinking? I may hate my dad and he may hate me but it's no reason to do whatever I thought I was doing. Josie needed me. God, I promised her I would never scare her ever again. I gave her my word. What would happen if I actually died or something? That's two people she's been close to leave her. And the Ducks! What would they do?
I hit my head against the wall. I was trying to commit suicide and I didn't even realize it. I just wanted the pain to stop. I just wanted to stop, kind of like Mendoza I guess. I closed my eyes. God I was so stupid.
I put the remaining pills into the bottle with shaking hands, each of them making a 'plop' noise as it bounced off the plastic. I pulled myself off the floor and stood up straight as I walked out of the washroom, teetering slightly. I unlocked the door and opened it and peeked my head out. Charlie stood at his dorm room with Charlotte who was holding a book and pointing at it.
"Spazway!" I called to him, not wanting to move out into the open hallway, for fear my legs will give out.
Charlie looked up from unlocking his dorm and looked over at Charlotte and made his way over to me. "What preppie? I'm not in the mood to be lied to."
I closed my eyes and grabbed his hand and forcing the pill bottle into his hands. "Take it." I ordered him.
He looked down at what he was holding and his eyes widened. "What the hell Banks! What is this?" He hissed to me trying not to attract attention from Charlotte or the other Ducks that hung around in the halls.
I blinked. "They're just my pain pills. I don't want them in my room. I . . ."
"So what? You want to pawn your little 'habit' onto me? Or are you just scared that your daddy is going to find out?" He spat at me, shoving the bottle into my hands. "Because I don't want it."
"Charlie! It isn't what you think. Listen to me. They are just the pills I was given at the Goodwill Games for my wrist. I just can't have them in my room ok?" I whispered back to him putting them back in his hand.
He seemed to calm down a little. "Why?" He asked curiously. Again the Duck in him seemed to shine; making sure one of the flock was ok.
I looked away from him. "I don't want to talk about it now. Later I promise."
His jaw tightened and he stared at me unblinking.
"Charlie! You have the exam on Monday! You aren't going to learn non-right angle trigonometry without studying it." Charlotte called tapping her foot impatiently.
Charlie looked over at Charlotte and nodded and turned back to me. "Ok Banksie. You and I are talking after dinner and you are going to tell Orion about your dad."
I shook my head. "I am not. . ."
"That isn't a request. It's an order from your Captain." He smiled.
"You can't make me." I shot make at him. "Besides this isn't the army and I'm not a soldier."
He nodded. "No, but I can always ask the rest of the team to tell him what you said, Private." He winked.
I took a deep breath. "Charlie this is not a game, this is my life."
He nodded. "Exactly, that's why I would ask them to. Now if you excuse me, I have to learn the finer points of non-right angle trig and stay on the hockey team. You know, I don't want to be riding the pine pony." He smirked and turned to go back to his dorm.
"Sure you are. Remember to come up for air." I scoffed.
He looked over his shoulder. "Oh I will Banksie."
~*~
I looked over at my alarm clock. The numbers flashed 5:30 but it really had no meaning anymore. I was face down on my bed and I didn't want to move. I just wanted to lie. My stomach on the other hand had a different plan.
I groaned as my stomach growled for the thousandth time all day. I tried to read my American History notes but it all seemed a blur. Names and dates just seemed to melt into one word, making it impossible to study, 'Josie.' I closed my eyes and tried to picture her face the night before. God, last night was so perfect, well minus the winning Snow Prince and the whole using Charlotte to make Josie jealous, which I don't think really worked, I think I just made me look less like a pathetic loser.
A few soft taps on my door interrupted my thoughts of her. "Banks. Dinner."
I groaned again. Food. I so did not want to move.
The taps on my door got louder. "Banks." The voice seemed slightly more annoyed.
I covered my head with my pillow. I was hungry but I did not want to go and I did not want to talk to the Ducks about my . . . feelings. "Go away."
The taps morphed into three loud slams on my door. "Banks open up. You weren't at breakfast or lunch. You have to eat."
I pulled myself off my bed and slumped my way over to the door and opened it a crack. "Go away. Not hungry."
The door was pushed open completely my Portman, Fulton and Charlie who each rolled their eyes at me.
"Man you seriously need to pull yourself together." Fulton said shaking his head. "You look like shit."
I scoffed. "Well I feel like I got run over by an emotional bus at the moment and I would rather not go to dinner." I said trotting over to my bed and collapsing on it face first.
"Your dad must've really let hell lose." I heard Portman comment.
I frowned into my pillow. "Shut up Portman I didn't ask you."
"And he's moody, thinks he can get away with telling the big bad enforcer to 'shut up'. . ."I smirked. Averman must've just entered the room from his mini date with the mystery girl from detention. Portman growled at Averman who immediately was silent. "So what's wrong with Mr. Moneybags now?"
"Shut up Averman." I said my words muffled by my pillow.
"No one ever tires of telling me to shut up, do they?" Averman asked. He must've shrugged it off because he continued. "Is it split personality dad or crazy psychotic dad that's getting you down?"
I grabbed a pillow and tossed it in his general direction. "They both are crazy and psychotic, stupid." I said with a harshness in my voice I didn't mean.
Charlie decided to step in. "Banksie you haven't talked to us like that since we were in District Five. Quelle mouche l'avait pique?"
I looked up from my pillow and around at the other guys. I guess I wasn't the only person who heard Charlie speaking a language other than English.
Charlie shifted his weight over his two feet. "Charlotte was teaching me some expressions at the dance. It translates to 'which fly has bitten you', but means what's gotten into you."
Portman and Fulton shook their heads in a confused manner and Averman and I exchanged looks. "Don't do that anymore." I said rubbing my eyes.
Charlie blushed and nodded. "Well answer the question. What the hell is wrong with you?"
I shrugged and was about to collapse back onto my pillow my Portman grabbed my shoulders and Fulton grabbed the pillow.
"Answer." They both ordered at the same time.
I groaned and leaned against the wall. "I dunno. I've had a hard week. You know, Josie getting angry at me, then getting together with her and you guys saw what happened at practice. I feel like crap and food doesn't sound so great at the moment."
Charlie reached into his pocket and pulled out the amber pill bottle from before. "Ok, then what's this."
The Bash Brothers and Averman eyed the bottle carefully frowning at me.
"It was nothing." I said staring at Charlie. I did not want to talk about what happened in front of more than one person, it was embarrassing.
Charlie nodded, his brown eyes locked with mine, his face obviously not amused. "Sure it was nothing."
"It wasn't I swear!" I yelped pulling my knees in toward my chest. With four guys in my room asking me questions, I'm starting to feel trapped.
"Liar." I heard Charlie scoff under his breath.
My eyes widened and I jumped off the bed. "Don't call me a liar Conway." I said pushing his shoulders catching him off balance.
He steadied himself and pushed me back. "Why shouldn't I! You are!"
I was about to hit him, but I was immediately stopped by Portman, and Fulton took Charlie. "Banksie chill." Portman said throwing me back into my bed, while Fulton tossed Charlie with ease onto Averman's.
Fulton eyed us both. "Now Banksie, spill. We all know something is up with you."
I crossed my arms. "There is nothing wrong with me. You make me sound as if I were broken."
"Oh yeah, because everyday you hand me a bottle of prescription painkillers while you look like you are almost dead." Charlie spat at me.
I made a move to stand up but Portman immediately put a hand on my shoulder and forced me back onto my bed. "You know what; fuck you Conway. I don't need your help. Some friend you are."
Charlie's eyes widened. "Some friend I am? Me? I'm trying to be your friend, preppy. But you won't tell me jack shit. If someone in this room is that isn't being a friend, it's you."
"Oh yes, let's just blame Adam again. Everything that goes wrong is MY fault!" I yelled back at him. "You know what; give me back that bottle and get out of my room!"
Charlie threw the bottle at me but missed, making it crack open against the wall and the pills flew out around the room and moved to get up.
"Charlie, stay." Averman said pushing him down onto his bed. "This isn't just Adam's room."
"Averman, fu_"
Portman slapped a hand over my mouth. "Banksie, shut up." He ordered forcefully. "Because it seems to me that all you can do is tell people to fuck off."
I took a breath and shut my mouth calmly and looked up at Portman.
Fulton looked over at me. "So what's with the pills?"
I looked down at my feet. "I took a couple."
Portman sat down beside me and leaned over to look me in the eyes. "How many is a couple Banksie?"
I shrugged.
"A shrug isn't getting you out of this Banks. We want a number." Portman said forcefully his voice teetering on the edge of worry.
"About nine."
"Holy shit." I heard Charlie mutter. "Holy shit Banks."
Portman got up. "Ok we're taking him to the nurse now."
"No I'm ok guys." I said looking around at them. "Really I am."
Fulton shook his head. "No, Banksie you aren't ok."
I stood up. "I'm fine. I threw up after I took them."
The guys looked around at each other and eyed me carefully. Charlie decided to speak. "Your not bullshitting us."
I shook my head and looked away from them. God this was really embarrassing, they must think I'm a complete head case.
"Why?" Averman squeaked out. I guess he didn't have any jokes for this type of situation.
I shrugged. "I wanted to stop hurting, just for a little bit."
"And you thought that killing yourself was the way to do that?" Fulton asked uneasily, his voice faltering slightly.
I shook my head. "I wasn't trying to kill myself." I whispered, my vision began to blur a little and my throat felt like it was slowly closing. "It just really hurt." A tear dripped down my face and I wiped it away hastily. I sniffed. "You guys must think I'm crazy."
"No, not crazy, we're just surprised." Portman said running a hand through his hair. "You just seem like the last person to try and do that, next to like Ken."
"Come on man." Fulton said gripping one of my arms reassuringly. "You should eat."
I closed my eyes and nodded. "Can we keep this in between us?" I whispered quietly.
"It depends, Cake-eater." Charlie whispered back. "Will you talk to us if something like this happens again?"
"Yeah." I nodded.
Charlie nodded carefully. "Ok, then all we have to do is tell Orion about your dad."
I looked up at him. "No. I'm ok, I can deal with it."
Portman threw an arm over my shoulder. "Obviously not."
I closed my eyes. "Can we wait? He isn't like that, I swear. He won't do it again."
The guys exchanged glances. "Come on Banksie. Let's go to dinner."
~
*
~
*
~
*
~
*
A/N: I know; I made Banksie suicidal. I don't usually like dealing with topics like this because they are serious and they are not funny and they should not be dealt with lightly that is the same with abuse. Hopefully, you did not take offence to it, and if you did, I am SO sorry. I might have been a little influenced lately because my friend's boyfriend's best friend just committed suicide like this week and they say 'write what you know'. Well this is kind of what I know. I know the emotions of the aftermath. If you ever feel like you are about to give up in anyway, talk to someone; people are great listeners. Remember: You are the world to someone, and probably don't even know it.
Shout outs!
Anna- Hey! Ok pick up your mouth; dust it off . . . are you ok now? *smiles* I know most people weren't expecting the abuse and hopefully you weren't expecting this chapter either. If you were, are you reading my thoughts? Oh wait, Beaner is. . . I forgot. The parents are thinking that Adam and Josie were having sex because in a past chapter Will (do you remember him?) said that Josie was pregnant. However it was found out that she wasn't, I trying to make it obvious that Dr. Best does believe that Will had some reason to think his daughter was pregnant (aka- they were having sex), but then again how would Will know right? Adam and Josie did tell them, but they just don't believe them. Hey, they're teens! I hope you like this chapter!! Thanks for the review!!
SqUiDsLiLpYrO- It's ok! People's reflexes are fun!! Besides reviews that make me laugh are great! I made a little Charlie/Charlotte subplot. The Ducks-"SUBPLOT!!" *sighs* Oh just go with it. I can't say anything like that without them saying it along with me. That and I can't study my French. I was trying to teach Fulton some sayings, (I was teaching Charlie but he was shipped off) and now he can only say. . . Fulton- "Sentir le piege a plein nez!" It translates to, the smell of a trap fills my nose but means- I smell a trap or something is not right. He's been saying that for the past two days.
Shelbers- We threw a cell phone into the crate with Charlie and he called to tell us that he's stopped and thinks that he's in you hometown now. He also says, *clears voice* 'LET ME OUT NOW OR I'LL. . .' And then the phone cut out. Actually Jesse ran up and hung up the phone. So you could probably pick him up now. Oh you're supposed to dislike Adam's dad. That's the point! If you liked him now, I would be worried. Yay! You like my Adam/Josie stuff! That makes me too happy! I must go celebrate! *Adam taps author's shoulder* Adam: "Kate, you have to finish your shout outs." *author pouts* Oh. . . I wanted to celebrate. Fulton: "We'll make you a cake. . ." *author grins* Ok!! I'm going to finish my shout outs! Thanks for the review!!
Rachel- Ok take a deep breath and calm yourself. You must read this carefully. Ok? *author gasps excitedly* I'm #1 in your book . . . you have a book? *smiles* the ducks love you!!! I promise! Brilliant? I don't know if it's brilliant. He wasn't on crack he was . . . well I'll explain in later chapters. Ok you don't want to kill. Have you taken those breaths? Take a few more. I'm sorry I didn't update as I usually do. My dad tore apart the computer. . . AGAIN! But I have one now, so I'm good. Don't harass me! I updated! See??
Tara- Yeah, it was an understatement, but this is Banks. Think about it, sweet innocent Adam Nathanial Banks who wouldn't hurt anyone. *Adam frowns* Adam: "You make me sound like a girl." Jesse: "You are a girl." Adam: "Oh go drown in the pond." Jesse: "Go cry to your rich parents." *Adam grins victoriously* Adam: "HA! Charlie said that in D3! I win!" *Jesse eyes Banks and sits down sadly beside the author* Jesse: "Cake-eater." *author gives Jesse and Adam hugs* Guys, can we stop fighting? You guys are friends. Remember D1, you guys were friends by the time Adam got crosschecked and his head hit the goal post. And D2, you guys were friends all through that. Adam: "You weren't even in D3. See, I was more loved!" Jesse: *scowls* "Not true. I didn't want to go to a school filled with preppy cake-eaters like you." Guys!! Can I get on with my review? Can you go settle it through a friendly game of pool? Adam & Jesse: "Yes. . ." Good. Omigod! You do?? Fulton: "Katie sometimes talks funny too! But not to the extent of Tara. She really does say eh! Whenever she does we say it back to her! EH Katie?" Be quiet Fulton. Fulton: "I was upset when she didn't say 'Aboot'." *author sighs* Oh for God sake stop pouting. Fulton: "Say 'Aboot'." *sighs* Aboot. . . Fulton: *grins excitedly* "Ha Portman! I told you that Canadians say aboot and not about! You owe me five bucks and your new commando boots!!" *author rolls eyes* Fulton: "Actually we didn't BUY that novelty T-shirt. We were actually at the contest. . . it was REALLY fun. Girls standing around in the snow wearing nothing but a bikini. It's really fun! Jesse stole Adam's video camera. We have the WHOLE contest on tape!" OK Fulton no more! EW. . . guys. *Jesse and Adam peek their heads into the room*. Adam: "We resent that." Jesse: *nods* "Just because we enjoyed going to that mountain doesn't mean you can say 'ew'. You are such a girl." *author's jaw drops* If you excuse me I think I have to go beat both of their asses at pool. Lots of Love: Katie, Fulton, Jesse and Adam.
OreoLine00- I know it was mean and cruel! Uh don't beat him up yet. You can beat him up after I'm finished with him. LOL, Little Adam does remind me of Prince William. Hm. . . Adam: "Don't get any ideas." *sighs* Fine. OH!! You didn't answer on whether or not you wanted Jesse! *Jesse pouts* Jesse: "She has an Oreo Line name but she doesn't want me." Oh! Jesse! It's ok! Do you want him? He's getting really sad. You were watching D3 as you were reviewing? Ok. I might have to go watch one of the movies now. Fulton: "Shout outs Katie. Focus." Ok. . . Anyways thanks for the Review and do you want Jesse? Do ya do ya? *Jesse pouts*
Beaner- It made it completely through! Go you! Superdad was too good to be true! You were so right! *coughs* Exactly, your Adam? I'm agreeing with Guy here. I thought he was MINE! Fulton and Jesse: "Hey what about us?" I love you guys to! Same with you Guy!! Ok hurting Adam= bad. Ok, you clearly put that out there. Adam: "I know he's a jerk but I love him. Ok! Stop bugging me!" *eyes everyone and storms out of the room.* Yikes. Ok, Adam needs a little time out. Jesse: "Reunion Tour is a go! *turns to Kate (the author) First of all we need to get you a nickname. Secondly, if you do a sequel, can you make an Oreo line reunion? Please?" *author thinks* Maybe, we'll see. Jesse: "Yes!! Go us!" Fulton: "Uh . . . don't ask about that outburst. I wasn't . . . feeling well. *gives author a squeeze* I'm ok now! Uh . . . yeah . . . later we should talk about . . . stuff . . . hockey . . . stuff . . .*nods confused and turns to author* Can I go now, I'm starting to scare myself." Yeah ok. *Fulton runs off into another room* Ok Adam would say something but. . . *Adam grabs keyboard and shoos author out of the room* Adam! Hey! You can't_ Adam: "There alone at last. Hey Guy! Yeah, no worries about Fulton. I've made an alliance with him. Yup Charlie is gone; it was fun tapping on the crate while he was in there. He was getting scared. Oh, and I'm sorry about calling you a traitor. That was completely like weird of me to do something like that. Uh . . ._" *author storms back into the room with Fulton by her side* Fulton, take him and sit on him. *Fulton nods and grabs Banksie around the middle and drags him to the living room* There. Ok, hey Guy! I updated. . . There was no you in it and I'm sorry, but just think of it this way, you were with Connie in the dining hall when this chapter took place. Ok? Anyways lates!
Review!!
~Toodles!