DISCLAIMER: Star Trek, characters from all series, the NX-01 and other such
things are the property of Paramount and not me. (Unfortunately.)
"And Odo said, 'And after that, you'll probably expect me to kiss you.'
"'It's possible,' agreed Kira.
"'Then who needs dinner?' said Odo, and he kissed her right there on the Promenade."
Jonathan put down his padd, and looked at the senior staff expectantly. "Well?"
"Well what?" asked T'Pol, raising a pointed eyebrow.
"Well, what do you think of my novel so far?" The captain looked around his crew. Most of them were looking uncomfortable, but Hoshi and Dr. Phlox were smiling broadly.
"I thought it was brilliant, sir!" Hoshi exclaimed. "I loved the shape- shifter. He's just so... well, he – he's a commentator on the human condition, kind of. And the heroine – Bajoran, is she? How did you come up with that?"
"I don't know. It just came into my head. I'm glad you like it."
"I like the idea of a sentient hologram," said Phlox. "It got me thinking. Perhaps one day a hologram will be doing my job."
"I very much doubt it," said T'Pol. "Logically, a holographic matrix could not be programmed with that amount of information."
"Don't be so sure. Who knows what advances science will make?" Trip laughed.
"To be honest, Captain, I thought you'd assembled us to talk about the Xindi weapon," said Malcom. "Although I did like the novel. The setting was ingenious."
"Yeah, Space Station Deep Space Nine. I thought it sounded kinda cool." Travis added.
"Well, I'm going to write a lot more. I'm thinking about having them go to war." Archer smiled, and dismissed his staff.
Much later, Doctor Phlox was sitting in sickbay when a thought came to him. He put down the container of insect food he was holding, and picked up a padd...
"'I'm a doctor, not an engineer,' said the EMH impatiently." "Let me stop you right there," said Trip. "Look, Doc, I think it's a great story, really I do, but doesn't it seem a bit derivative of the captain's new novel?"
"How so?" asked Phlox, looking hurt.
"Well, they're both set in the twenty-fourth century, they both have sentient holograms, they're both stories about the future Starfleet – I think you've stolen his premise."
"What? But his is on a space station, mine's on a starship!" Phlox exclaimed.
"Yeah, about that. Look, I'm an engineer and I'll tell you right now that a starship could not sustain warp 9.975 for twelve hours. Warp theory forbids it. Even with these- what did you call them?"
"Variable geometry warp nacelles," said Phlox, proudly. "A rather neat invention, I feel."
"Doc, I'm just not sure the captain will like it. Show it to Hoshi or someone." Saying good-bye apologetically, Trip left sickbay.
"'Captain, a Romulan warbird has just decloaked off the port bow,' said Worf.
"'Standby phasers!' said Riker."
"Alright, Trip, that's enough," said Malcom, testily. "No sooner have you accused Phlox of stealing the Captain's Deep Space Nine premise than you go and write this thing! What did you call it?"
"The Next Generation," said Trip. "Look, I didn't mean to steal the captain's story, but this just came out. Can't you just see them all doing this?"
Malcom sighed. "Look, I'm not saying I don't like the story. It's just that you've taken this twenty-fourth century thing from Phlox and the captain. And besides, I can't imagine a starship splitting in two any more than I can imagine life in a wormhole or a holographic doctor. Maybe if you changed it a bit..."
"No!" Trip almost shouted. "No, it's fine the way it is. Goodbye, Malcom."
Later on, in his quarters, the germ of an idea began to sprout in Malcom's brain. He got up and began to write...
"'The dilithium crystals are cracking, Captain!' Scotty shouted. 'They'll never take it!'"
"Lieutenant, this is ridiculous," said T'Pol. "I object to this tale. The chances are that a human and a Vulcan could not reproduce, and even if they could, I doubt the offspring would be like your Mister Spock."
"This story is completely credible!" Malcom shouted. "I don't care whether you enjoy it or not."
"This is not a question of enjoyment," said T'Pol. "This tale is a blatant plagiarism of the stories of almost everyone else on this ship."
"You're exaggerating," Malcom countered. "Not everyone's written a novel!"
"No, I apologize. I believe Ensign Sato has compiled a selection of short stories."
"This is ridiculous! Go away!" Malcom was almost in tears. T'Pol backed away.
Later, Travis approached T'Pol in the mess hall. He indicated the padd in her hands.
"What's that?" he asked.
"It is a small literary work I have been compiling. The rest of the crew seem to have a mania for them, and I thought I might join in." Reluctantly, T'Pol handed Travis the padd, which he began to read aloud.
He began, as T'Pol looked on uncomfortably. "'A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...'"
And Enterprise sped on, into the unknown.
"And Odo said, 'And after that, you'll probably expect me to kiss you.'
"'It's possible,' agreed Kira.
"'Then who needs dinner?' said Odo, and he kissed her right there on the Promenade."
Jonathan put down his padd, and looked at the senior staff expectantly. "Well?"
"Well what?" asked T'Pol, raising a pointed eyebrow.
"Well, what do you think of my novel so far?" The captain looked around his crew. Most of them were looking uncomfortable, but Hoshi and Dr. Phlox were smiling broadly.
"I thought it was brilliant, sir!" Hoshi exclaimed. "I loved the shape- shifter. He's just so... well, he – he's a commentator on the human condition, kind of. And the heroine – Bajoran, is she? How did you come up with that?"
"I don't know. It just came into my head. I'm glad you like it."
"I like the idea of a sentient hologram," said Phlox. "It got me thinking. Perhaps one day a hologram will be doing my job."
"I very much doubt it," said T'Pol. "Logically, a holographic matrix could not be programmed with that amount of information."
"Don't be so sure. Who knows what advances science will make?" Trip laughed.
"To be honest, Captain, I thought you'd assembled us to talk about the Xindi weapon," said Malcom. "Although I did like the novel. The setting was ingenious."
"Yeah, Space Station Deep Space Nine. I thought it sounded kinda cool." Travis added.
"Well, I'm going to write a lot more. I'm thinking about having them go to war." Archer smiled, and dismissed his staff.
Much later, Doctor Phlox was sitting in sickbay when a thought came to him. He put down the container of insect food he was holding, and picked up a padd...
"'I'm a doctor, not an engineer,' said the EMH impatiently." "Let me stop you right there," said Trip. "Look, Doc, I think it's a great story, really I do, but doesn't it seem a bit derivative of the captain's new novel?"
"How so?" asked Phlox, looking hurt.
"Well, they're both set in the twenty-fourth century, they both have sentient holograms, they're both stories about the future Starfleet – I think you've stolen his premise."
"What? But his is on a space station, mine's on a starship!" Phlox exclaimed.
"Yeah, about that. Look, I'm an engineer and I'll tell you right now that a starship could not sustain warp 9.975 for twelve hours. Warp theory forbids it. Even with these- what did you call them?"
"Variable geometry warp nacelles," said Phlox, proudly. "A rather neat invention, I feel."
"Doc, I'm just not sure the captain will like it. Show it to Hoshi or someone." Saying good-bye apologetically, Trip left sickbay.
"'Captain, a Romulan warbird has just decloaked off the port bow,' said Worf.
"'Standby phasers!' said Riker."
"Alright, Trip, that's enough," said Malcom, testily. "No sooner have you accused Phlox of stealing the Captain's Deep Space Nine premise than you go and write this thing! What did you call it?"
"The Next Generation," said Trip. "Look, I didn't mean to steal the captain's story, but this just came out. Can't you just see them all doing this?"
Malcom sighed. "Look, I'm not saying I don't like the story. It's just that you've taken this twenty-fourth century thing from Phlox and the captain. And besides, I can't imagine a starship splitting in two any more than I can imagine life in a wormhole or a holographic doctor. Maybe if you changed it a bit..."
"No!" Trip almost shouted. "No, it's fine the way it is. Goodbye, Malcom."
Later on, in his quarters, the germ of an idea began to sprout in Malcom's brain. He got up and began to write...
"'The dilithium crystals are cracking, Captain!' Scotty shouted. 'They'll never take it!'"
"Lieutenant, this is ridiculous," said T'Pol. "I object to this tale. The chances are that a human and a Vulcan could not reproduce, and even if they could, I doubt the offspring would be like your Mister Spock."
"This story is completely credible!" Malcom shouted. "I don't care whether you enjoy it or not."
"This is not a question of enjoyment," said T'Pol. "This tale is a blatant plagiarism of the stories of almost everyone else on this ship."
"You're exaggerating," Malcom countered. "Not everyone's written a novel!"
"No, I apologize. I believe Ensign Sato has compiled a selection of short stories."
"This is ridiculous! Go away!" Malcom was almost in tears. T'Pol backed away.
Later, Travis approached T'Pol in the mess hall. He indicated the padd in her hands.
"What's that?" he asked.
"It is a small literary work I have been compiling. The rest of the crew seem to have a mania for them, and I thought I might join in." Reluctantly, T'Pol handed Travis the padd, which he began to read aloud.
He began, as T'Pol looked on uncomfortably. "'A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...'"
And Enterprise sped on, into the unknown.