A "Tall" Tale
Once upon a time there was a dude named Kenshin. He was really really short. He didn't like being short. That was the reason that he and Hajime Saito were enemies. Saito was tall and Kenshin hated that. Kenshin used the excuse about how Saito was a member of the Shinsengumi and they were on different sides during the Bakumatsu and all that poop, but the real reason was that Kenshin was short and Saito was tall. One day, Kenshin was walking down a road in Tokyo and thinking about his problem.
"What do I do? How can I get bigger? If only I was taller......... I'd be the cutest guy in the history of forever!" Kenshin said to himself. He began to talk about his dreams aloud.
-Kenshin's daydream-
Kenshin walks through a busy street and a mob of girls are staring, heart eyed at him. He can see over everyone's heads and he isn't wearing tall shoes or standing on his friend, Sano's, shoulders.
"I'm so tall........." Kenshin thinks to himself. He gives a cool-like smile and saunters ahead, feeling cool. He signs autographs in such a cool way that it makes girls swoon. A puddle of drool is forming around many girls' feet. Waterfalls of drool are spewing out of all the pretty girls' mouths- and the not-so-pretty ones' too. They all chant in a tone that sounds like worship:
"Kenshin Himura is so cool.........!"
"I'm so cool........." Kenshin thinks coolly. Then a girl walks up to him and says:
"You really care about that, Battousai?" It is a cold voice and-
-End daydream-
"BATTOUSAI!"
"Huh?" Kenshin's eyes snapped open and he broke out of his wonderful daydream. He was staring into the cold, wolf-like eyes of Hajime Saito. "ORO!!!" Kenshin wailed and fell over backwards.
"Are you feeling ill or something? You were talking about drooling girls and-" Saito started in his cold tone, but Kenshin jumped up and dusted himself off while yelling:
"NO! I'M FINE! BELIEVE ME! NOTHING YOU HEARD WAS TRUE!" Of course, we all know that it was true and that poor Kenshin really wanted to get taller so that girls would drool and worship him, a tall, cool, very god-like guy. Saito gave a smirk and lit a cigarette.
"Hnn......... I see......... you want to be tall, huh?" Saito said, while puffing on his cigarette. Kenshin clenched his teeth.
"The way he puffs on that cigarette is so COOL! I wish I could do that, but Watsuki-sama didn't want me to be that cool!" Kenshin thought, wondering who the heck Watsuki-sama was. He swore in his mind.
"HELL-OOOOO!" Saito called to Kenshin, waving a gloved hand in front of Kenshin's face. "EARTH TO BATTOUSAI!" Saito gave him a punch in the gut when he still didn't reply and continued to stare ahead.
"OOF! Ouch! That hurt!" Kenshin choked, coughing and trying to get his lungs to breathe again. Saito stuffed his hand into his pocket and removed the smoking cigarette from his mouth and held it casually between his two first fingers.
"Battousai the manslayer......... his weakness is that girls don't like him 'cause he's short," Saito laughed coolly. "You're such a wimp."
"You're only saying that because you're tall!" Kenshin whimpered. He decided to fight fire with fire and begin to insult Saito back. "But, you've got a face only a mother could love!" Kenshin attempted to smirk coolly like Saito, but it came out more like a twisted face that resembled a pug-dog. Saito rolled his eyes and stuck the cigarette into his mouth.
"I'm fine with my face, Battousai. I have a woman who loves me for who I am, not what I look like. Even that burnt piece of toast, Shishio, has a girl who loves him for who he is, so maybe you'd better find the right one too," he inhaled smoke from his cigarette. Kenshin made a face. He hated to admit that Saito was right.
"Yeah, well......... you're both the ugliest people who ever lived! Shishio's a toasted marshmallow and you're no prettier than MUD!"
"Actually, mud isn't pretty or ugly. There's no comparison between MUD and me. Oh, and only dumb people use mud as a comparison to an ugly person, and what's ironic about that is mud spelled backwards sounds JUST LIKE the word dumb! Isn't that great? Now why don't you and your "dum mud" take a hike and search for this height that you've been craving? Don't hurt yourself, though," Saito said sarcastically. He smirked and strode casually off down the street smoking his cigarette. Kenshin scowled.
"I'M NOT DUMB!" Kenshin yelled after him, but Saito didn't turn around to look. Kenshin huffed and turned around to walk in the opposite direction.
Kenshin found himself in the heart of Tokyo where there were many shops and wandering people. Kenshin allowed himself to be swept away in the crowd, only stopping to look into a few shops that caught his eye. He eventually stumbled into a dark shop lit by a few mostly burnt out candles and the glowing red light of incense. There was so much incense that it clogged Kenshin's nose and throat. He coughed.
"Ah......... another unhappy guest......... what's the trouble, honey?" an old woman's voice squeaked. It sounded like it hadn't been used in years. She came out of a door on the right side of the room.
"I'm short," Kenshin blurted, unable to hold himself back. He cautiously took another step into the small shop. He couldn't seem to hide his warrior spirit from the old woman. He hoped none of his enemies were hiding around the place. They'd be able to sense his ki from a long way away. "And Saito is tall, and I want to be tall, and Saito is so cool and calm and reserved, and I want to be cool and calm and reserved, and-" The old woman signaled him to stop. Kenshin abruptly shut his mouth and listened to the woman.
"And you know this tall man?" the woman rasped. "Tell me about him." She began to chew on a grubby thumbnail.
"Well........." Kenshin thought a minute. "He's as strong as I am. He's a cop, so he's got notoriety......... and he's married already AND he's better looking than me!" Kenshin couldn't believe that after many years, he had finally allowed his secret to get out into the open. He closed his mouth. She looked up form her careful examination of her fingernails.
"No, keep going. Any habits that this man has? I may be able to help you with your problem," the woman mumbled, pulling her purple shawl tighter around her as if she was cold. It was actually really warm in the room.
"Yes. He likes to smirk a lot, but he does it in this cool, calm way that is......... well......... cool!" Kenshin said, playing with a loose thread on his sleeve. "Oh, and he smokes cigarettes in this-"
"AHA!" the woman said so loudly that Kenshin jumped. She pulled out a blue box of cigarettes and handed it to Kenshin. "Give one to this Hajime Saito guy and smoke one at the same time. I'm sure you'll like the results." Kenshin slowly took it from her bony, wrinkled hand and looked at it, squinting in the dim light.
"Thank you, but......... I have no money," Kenshin said, sheepishly.
"No pay is necessary. I just wanted to help you, that is all, honey. Now one cigarette will only last three days. On midnight on the third day, the effect will wear off and you will need to smoke another one. I hope you enjoy it........." the woman said, her voice cracking. She hobbled back into the door on the right of the room. She slammed the door after her without letting Kenshin thank her. He sighed and turned for the door.
"Interesting," Kenshin mumbled and stepped out of the shop, stowing the blue box into his gi. "Hey, did I ever tell her Saito's first name? Hm! I must've! She can't already know the guy; he's a cop under the name of Goro Fujita," Kenshin wondered aloud. He shrugged. Then, he walked down the road toward the police station.
A/N: I'm wondering what all of you people out there think about my fic so far! Let me know. I promise it'll get more interesting! I promise!
Once upon a time there was a dude named Kenshin. He was really really short. He didn't like being short. That was the reason that he and Hajime Saito were enemies. Saito was tall and Kenshin hated that. Kenshin used the excuse about how Saito was a member of the Shinsengumi and they were on different sides during the Bakumatsu and all that poop, but the real reason was that Kenshin was short and Saito was tall. One day, Kenshin was walking down a road in Tokyo and thinking about his problem.
"What do I do? How can I get bigger? If only I was taller......... I'd be the cutest guy in the history of forever!" Kenshin said to himself. He began to talk about his dreams aloud.
-Kenshin's daydream-
Kenshin walks through a busy street and a mob of girls are staring, heart eyed at him. He can see over everyone's heads and he isn't wearing tall shoes or standing on his friend, Sano's, shoulders.
"I'm so tall........." Kenshin thinks to himself. He gives a cool-like smile and saunters ahead, feeling cool. He signs autographs in such a cool way that it makes girls swoon. A puddle of drool is forming around many girls' feet. Waterfalls of drool are spewing out of all the pretty girls' mouths- and the not-so-pretty ones' too. They all chant in a tone that sounds like worship:
"Kenshin Himura is so cool.........!"
"I'm so cool........." Kenshin thinks coolly. Then a girl walks up to him and says:
"You really care about that, Battousai?" It is a cold voice and-
-End daydream-
"BATTOUSAI!"
"Huh?" Kenshin's eyes snapped open and he broke out of his wonderful daydream. He was staring into the cold, wolf-like eyes of Hajime Saito. "ORO!!!" Kenshin wailed and fell over backwards.
"Are you feeling ill or something? You were talking about drooling girls and-" Saito started in his cold tone, but Kenshin jumped up and dusted himself off while yelling:
"NO! I'M FINE! BELIEVE ME! NOTHING YOU HEARD WAS TRUE!" Of course, we all know that it was true and that poor Kenshin really wanted to get taller so that girls would drool and worship him, a tall, cool, very god-like guy. Saito gave a smirk and lit a cigarette.
"Hnn......... I see......... you want to be tall, huh?" Saito said, while puffing on his cigarette. Kenshin clenched his teeth.
"The way he puffs on that cigarette is so COOL! I wish I could do that, but Watsuki-sama didn't want me to be that cool!" Kenshin thought, wondering who the heck Watsuki-sama was. He swore in his mind.
"HELL-OOOOO!" Saito called to Kenshin, waving a gloved hand in front of Kenshin's face. "EARTH TO BATTOUSAI!" Saito gave him a punch in the gut when he still didn't reply and continued to stare ahead.
"OOF! Ouch! That hurt!" Kenshin choked, coughing and trying to get his lungs to breathe again. Saito stuffed his hand into his pocket and removed the smoking cigarette from his mouth and held it casually between his two first fingers.
"Battousai the manslayer......... his weakness is that girls don't like him 'cause he's short," Saito laughed coolly. "You're such a wimp."
"You're only saying that because you're tall!" Kenshin whimpered. He decided to fight fire with fire and begin to insult Saito back. "But, you've got a face only a mother could love!" Kenshin attempted to smirk coolly like Saito, but it came out more like a twisted face that resembled a pug-dog. Saito rolled his eyes and stuck the cigarette into his mouth.
"I'm fine with my face, Battousai. I have a woman who loves me for who I am, not what I look like. Even that burnt piece of toast, Shishio, has a girl who loves him for who he is, so maybe you'd better find the right one too," he inhaled smoke from his cigarette. Kenshin made a face. He hated to admit that Saito was right.
"Yeah, well......... you're both the ugliest people who ever lived! Shishio's a toasted marshmallow and you're no prettier than MUD!"
"Actually, mud isn't pretty or ugly. There's no comparison between MUD and me. Oh, and only dumb people use mud as a comparison to an ugly person, and what's ironic about that is mud spelled backwards sounds JUST LIKE the word dumb! Isn't that great? Now why don't you and your "dum mud" take a hike and search for this height that you've been craving? Don't hurt yourself, though," Saito said sarcastically. He smirked and strode casually off down the street smoking his cigarette. Kenshin scowled.
"I'M NOT DUMB!" Kenshin yelled after him, but Saito didn't turn around to look. Kenshin huffed and turned around to walk in the opposite direction.
Kenshin found himself in the heart of Tokyo where there were many shops and wandering people. Kenshin allowed himself to be swept away in the crowd, only stopping to look into a few shops that caught his eye. He eventually stumbled into a dark shop lit by a few mostly burnt out candles and the glowing red light of incense. There was so much incense that it clogged Kenshin's nose and throat. He coughed.
"Ah......... another unhappy guest......... what's the trouble, honey?" an old woman's voice squeaked. It sounded like it hadn't been used in years. She came out of a door on the right side of the room.
"I'm short," Kenshin blurted, unable to hold himself back. He cautiously took another step into the small shop. He couldn't seem to hide his warrior spirit from the old woman. He hoped none of his enemies were hiding around the place. They'd be able to sense his ki from a long way away. "And Saito is tall, and I want to be tall, and Saito is so cool and calm and reserved, and I want to be cool and calm and reserved, and-" The old woman signaled him to stop. Kenshin abruptly shut his mouth and listened to the woman.
"And you know this tall man?" the woman rasped. "Tell me about him." She began to chew on a grubby thumbnail.
"Well........." Kenshin thought a minute. "He's as strong as I am. He's a cop, so he's got notoriety......... and he's married already AND he's better looking than me!" Kenshin couldn't believe that after many years, he had finally allowed his secret to get out into the open. He closed his mouth. She looked up form her careful examination of her fingernails.
"No, keep going. Any habits that this man has? I may be able to help you with your problem," the woman mumbled, pulling her purple shawl tighter around her as if she was cold. It was actually really warm in the room.
"Yes. He likes to smirk a lot, but he does it in this cool, calm way that is......... well......... cool!" Kenshin said, playing with a loose thread on his sleeve. "Oh, and he smokes cigarettes in this-"
"AHA!" the woman said so loudly that Kenshin jumped. She pulled out a blue box of cigarettes and handed it to Kenshin. "Give one to this Hajime Saito guy and smoke one at the same time. I'm sure you'll like the results." Kenshin slowly took it from her bony, wrinkled hand and looked at it, squinting in the dim light.
"Thank you, but......... I have no money," Kenshin said, sheepishly.
"No pay is necessary. I just wanted to help you, that is all, honey. Now one cigarette will only last three days. On midnight on the third day, the effect will wear off and you will need to smoke another one. I hope you enjoy it........." the woman said, her voice cracking. She hobbled back into the door on the right of the room. She slammed the door after her without letting Kenshin thank her. He sighed and turned for the door.
"Interesting," Kenshin mumbled and stepped out of the shop, stowing the blue box into his gi. "Hey, did I ever tell her Saito's first name? Hm! I must've! She can't already know the guy; he's a cop under the name of Goro Fujita," Kenshin wondered aloud. He shrugged. Then, he walked down the road toward the police station.
A/N: I'm wondering what all of you people out there think about my fic so far! Let me know. I promise it'll get more interesting! I promise!