Disclaimer: Karly and I don't own Third Watch. *pinky swears*
***
There was no tunnel. There was no light. There was no booming voice guiding him to step into said light, no warmth and comfort. There was no feeling of peace, no dead friends reaching out welcoming hands.
There was only cold, and darkness, and this feeling of being lost, helpless, and utterly alone.
Somewhere, in the darkness, Bosco was alone. He wondered briefly if he had died, if he was in hell, or if there really was no heaven or hell, and he was just left...floating.
The buzz near his ear was the only thing grounding him to this world. Was it a drill? No, too high pinch…Was his radio going off? No…
The buzzing ceased for sort periods of time; only to be replaced in its absence by a dull beep of the same tone. His surrounding again began to ground him; the feeling of blood on his torso, the soft fabric underneath his hands, the cold hands found variously on his body.
He couldn't help but feel a strong sense of violation come over him. That was followed by relief, sweet drug induced relief.
Deep-set panic began to surface, bubbling up into a wave that threatened not only to wash over him, but to wash him away entirely. And then...
The annoying beeping became a comfort...a comfort of the past, as it began to sound shrilly, realizing his worst fears. He was trapped, and he was dying.
Something inside him thought it would be more grandiose. Death. The end. The final moment should have been furious, should've been full of a fight, like he was, himself. Only, not anymore, he supposed. Because now, he was dying.
The gentle tug, the sensation of drifting away began to overcome him. It was almost undetectable, but he knew.
"No, oh god, no!" a voice so familiar, so quite, so close, broke his fleeting veneer. Faith…Why was she here? Well, before he could answer that he'd determined here was indeed a hospital. A place where for every birth, it seemed so many others perished.
He'd always chalked it up to the job. Not so many people died. It was just that he was always there to see it. He had found himself wondering if they knew they didn't have a chance in hell, or if it hurt, but he'd never really yearned for an answer until now.
Now when the emotional pain towered greatly over the physical, now when all he needed to say was "I'm sorry." He'd never get a chance…
There were so many things he would never get to do. Never tell his Ma he was sorry. Never be able to make sure his brother had gotten out of it okay, that he cleaned up and got on with life. He'd never be able to kick his father's ass for this one. SO many things he was going to miss.
Bosco wanted to fight. He wanted to kick, to scream, to struggle with every last ounce of strength in his body. Except, his body was lying lifeless on a cold steel table, with strangers hovering over him, trying to save his pathetic life.
He couldn't go out like this. Wouldn't. However, refusing to die, and actually living were two different things, and he had no idea how to get himself out of this one.
And so, slowly, what was left of his world began to fade...and was gone.
***
The tall man clad in scrubs was in no hurry as he made his way down the hall to the doctor's lounge. A worried woman sat there, but yet he had no haste, no urgency to inform her of her partner's condition.
He pushed the door open, stepped inside, and let it swing behind him. The woman inside sprang to attention, but the tall doctor put his hand up to silence her. She closed her mouth expectantly and waited for him to speak.
"You're Mr. Boscorelli's partner, correct?" he said. He had the dress of a nurse, but the manner of a doctor.
"Yes," Faith nodded, shaking.
The doctor took a deep breath and began to speak in a professional tone, "Officer Boscorelli sustained severe damage. I won't go into too great detail right now, but it's suffice to say that this wasn't a simple flesh wound. We had some difficulties..."
Faith felt her knees go weak, and found Kim at her side, supporting her.
"He coded...he was clinically dead for over a minute," the doctor said, eliciting gasps from the two women. "We managed to get him back, but he's still far from stable. We're going to keep him in CCU overnight, and if he makes it though the night...well, we'll deal with the repercussions then."
"If…?" Faith's voice shook. The prospect of him not surviving was too hard to handle. she'd often had thoughts about one or both of them losing their lives on the job, it was part of being the job. God knew, they were both the job. But nothing had prepared her for actually experiencing it.
"We're not sure of anything right now, it's just too soon."
She nodded and sat down again, then snapped back to attention, "What about his father?"
The man looked at her before the last name final clicked, "Uh, he's stable and out of surgery," he admitted hesitantly. Before he had a chance to stop her, she had already bolted out of the door and was making her way to the elevators.
Kim's eyes went wide and she ran after her friend. "Wait a second!"
But Faith was gone. Anger fueled her, pushed her in a way she never thought she could imagine, let alone feel. It was hatred. Pure hatred.
She didn't know where Anthony Boscorelli was, but she was going to find out. And when she did...he'd better pray he was too doped up to feel what she was going to do to him.
Kim walked briskly down the halls, trying to catch up with Faith. She passed by Ty and waved him on to follow her. they made it too the elevator, and Kim took them to the third floor, since she actually knew where she was going.
She and Ty found Faith staggering aimlessly around the nurse's station on that floor. Her search was slow but frantic for anyone who would give her any vital information.
Ty approached her side and stepped in front of her, "Faith…Faith! What…what are you doing?"
"My partner is on his death bed because his bastard of a father shot him, I'm a cop, I'm going to make him pay for it!"
"Faith, he's not going anywhere…either of them…you need to slow down!" Ty desperately tried to relax his fellow friend.
Faith stopped in her tracks, breathing heavily, enraged. She knew, however, that this wasn't going to do her, or Bosco any good. That, and that alone, made her stop.
Kim and Ty shared a relieved look.
"Why don't we go get you some coffee?" Kim suggested softly, trying to calm her down further. "Or...tea."
Faith turned around, giving her a look that plainly said, 'are you crazy?'
"You're starting to sound like that new hippie you hired…" she tried to choose her words carefully, but it didn't work. She found herself insult a woman she didn't even know by name. "Ergg! Never mind!"
She walked further down the hall and almost threw herself in the Ladies Room. Ty couldn't and wouldn't follow her, but she knew Kim might. Her fingers furiously locked the door and she let her body slide down against it.
Her eyes were masked by a cloud of unshed tears and her heart literally ached for Bosco. She could only hope his didn't…
The bathroom was still, silent, and sterile. The floor was a cool white linoleum, and the walls were a soft peach color. The air smelled of cleaning agents, but not overpoweringly so. Oddly, Faith felt safe here.
Back against the door, sucking in deep breaths, she finally let the tears cry.
On the other side of the door, one hand posed to knock, Kim hesitated, hearing the muffled sobs from within. Weakly, she let her hand fall to the door, barely making a noise, and rested her forehead against the cool surface.
She knew now that they could do little more than hope and pray. And even then...
She glanced over at Ty, her late best friends' ex-boyfriend, what a mouthful. He was speaking with a shorter man, this one, presumably Anthony Boscorelli's doctor. She watched him from the wall near the bathroom, he nodded to the doctor, watched as he walked away, then made is way over to Kim.
"All they can tell us is, 'They're hopeful', considering that Bosco…" he trailed off and Kim put her finger too her lips and towed Ty by the arm, away from the thin door of the bathroom, "…that Bosco is his only family member we know the whereabouts of…it's gunna be hard to get more info then that."
Kim nodded. "Well, that's more than I hoped for. I don't know if we should mention this to Faith..."
Ty nodded his agreement. "Yeah. Maybe not just yet."
Both cast their gazes to the Ladies Room door.
"I'm going to talk to Swersky," Ty said. "See about getting a guard posted at Boscorelli's door."
"You think Faith might actually try to...?" Kim asked, not willing to say it.
Ty shook his head, unsure. "All I know is, Bosco may have a lot of enemies, but he's a cop...he's got friends who might."
"His own father," Kim shook her head, talking more to herself then to Ty.
Back inside the bathroom, Faith was regaining her composure. The cold water ran smoothly over her recently washed hands, then she brought them up and wiped her face. Then, pulling a paper towel down and drying her face, she gave herself a good hard look.
To her own self, she looked like death warmed over. She almost felt like it too.
Things between her and her partner had been teetering between slowly falling apart, and slowly coming back together. She'd hoped they would fix themselves before the need to arose, but she found herself regretting every rude, or harsh, or senseless thing she'd ever said to him.
Remembering the sound of the heart monitor flat lining, Faith cringed. That may have been the worst sound ever to meet her ears. The fear that had surged through her then, still lingered in her veins, icily flowing, chilling her through.
Unconsciously, she shivered, wrapping her arms around herself, and staring into the mirror.
The possibility that Bosco might die was haunting her, and she had to acknowledge it, no matter how hard she wanted to deny it.
And...if he did. What then?
"What then?" she asked aloud, barely whispering, searching her reflection for an answer.
Her dark eyes blinked away a tear and she turned away, wiping the last tears from her cheek. She unlocked the door and took a deep breath, then turned the knob and pushed it open.
"Kim…" she leaned out the door, beckoning the woman to come. Kim sighed and joined her at her side near the bathroom door.
"I need to see him," Faith whispered, almost shaking.
Kim bit the inside of her lip, thinking. "You know it's against the rules."
"I don't give a damn about the rules," Faith said, eyes flashing. "I need to see him!"
The intensity in her voice was the selling point. Kim nodded and motioned to her. "I don't know how we're going to do this."
Faith followed her, letting the door swing shut. "I don't care. Anything it takes..."
Kim guided Faith along the hallways. Glancing at the names on the files nonchalantly…James Petrol, Kelly Hughes, Michelle Douglas, Tom Blaney…Maurice Boscorelli…she stopped.
"C'mon," Kim waved her hand for Faith, and pointed into Bosco's room.
Both women were silent for a moment. Taking in his appearance, the room, the noise, and lack there of. The silence was broken soon, Faith's feeble sigh that seemed to mask a sob. She nodded to herself and pushed the door open.
She pulled yet another uncomfortable plastic chair up to his bed, "Hey Bos…"
***
There was no tunnel. There was no light. There was no booming voice guiding him to step into said light, no warmth and comfort. There was no feeling of peace, no dead friends reaching out welcoming hands.
There was only cold, and darkness, and this feeling of being lost, helpless, and utterly alone.
Somewhere, in the darkness, Bosco was alone. He wondered briefly if he had died, if he was in hell, or if there really was no heaven or hell, and he was just left...floating.
The buzz near his ear was the only thing grounding him to this world. Was it a drill? No, too high pinch…Was his radio going off? No…
The buzzing ceased for sort periods of time; only to be replaced in its absence by a dull beep of the same tone. His surrounding again began to ground him; the feeling of blood on his torso, the soft fabric underneath his hands, the cold hands found variously on his body.
He couldn't help but feel a strong sense of violation come over him. That was followed by relief, sweet drug induced relief.
Deep-set panic began to surface, bubbling up into a wave that threatened not only to wash over him, but to wash him away entirely. And then...
The annoying beeping became a comfort...a comfort of the past, as it began to sound shrilly, realizing his worst fears. He was trapped, and he was dying.
Something inside him thought it would be more grandiose. Death. The end. The final moment should have been furious, should've been full of a fight, like he was, himself. Only, not anymore, he supposed. Because now, he was dying.
The gentle tug, the sensation of drifting away began to overcome him. It was almost undetectable, but he knew.
"No, oh god, no!" a voice so familiar, so quite, so close, broke his fleeting veneer. Faith…Why was she here? Well, before he could answer that he'd determined here was indeed a hospital. A place where for every birth, it seemed so many others perished.
He'd always chalked it up to the job. Not so many people died. It was just that he was always there to see it. He had found himself wondering if they knew they didn't have a chance in hell, or if it hurt, but he'd never really yearned for an answer until now.
Now when the emotional pain towered greatly over the physical, now when all he needed to say was "I'm sorry." He'd never get a chance…
There were so many things he would never get to do. Never tell his Ma he was sorry. Never be able to make sure his brother had gotten out of it okay, that he cleaned up and got on with life. He'd never be able to kick his father's ass for this one. SO many things he was going to miss.
Bosco wanted to fight. He wanted to kick, to scream, to struggle with every last ounce of strength in his body. Except, his body was lying lifeless on a cold steel table, with strangers hovering over him, trying to save his pathetic life.
He couldn't go out like this. Wouldn't. However, refusing to die, and actually living were two different things, and he had no idea how to get himself out of this one.
And so, slowly, what was left of his world began to fade...and was gone.
***
The tall man clad in scrubs was in no hurry as he made his way down the hall to the doctor's lounge. A worried woman sat there, but yet he had no haste, no urgency to inform her of her partner's condition.
He pushed the door open, stepped inside, and let it swing behind him. The woman inside sprang to attention, but the tall doctor put his hand up to silence her. She closed her mouth expectantly and waited for him to speak.
"You're Mr. Boscorelli's partner, correct?" he said. He had the dress of a nurse, but the manner of a doctor.
"Yes," Faith nodded, shaking.
The doctor took a deep breath and began to speak in a professional tone, "Officer Boscorelli sustained severe damage. I won't go into too great detail right now, but it's suffice to say that this wasn't a simple flesh wound. We had some difficulties..."
Faith felt her knees go weak, and found Kim at her side, supporting her.
"He coded...he was clinically dead for over a minute," the doctor said, eliciting gasps from the two women. "We managed to get him back, but he's still far from stable. We're going to keep him in CCU overnight, and if he makes it though the night...well, we'll deal with the repercussions then."
"If…?" Faith's voice shook. The prospect of him not surviving was too hard to handle. she'd often had thoughts about one or both of them losing their lives on the job, it was part of being the job. God knew, they were both the job. But nothing had prepared her for actually experiencing it.
"We're not sure of anything right now, it's just too soon."
She nodded and sat down again, then snapped back to attention, "What about his father?"
The man looked at her before the last name final clicked, "Uh, he's stable and out of surgery," he admitted hesitantly. Before he had a chance to stop her, she had already bolted out of the door and was making her way to the elevators.
Kim's eyes went wide and she ran after her friend. "Wait a second!"
But Faith was gone. Anger fueled her, pushed her in a way she never thought she could imagine, let alone feel. It was hatred. Pure hatred.
She didn't know where Anthony Boscorelli was, but she was going to find out. And when she did...he'd better pray he was too doped up to feel what she was going to do to him.
Kim walked briskly down the halls, trying to catch up with Faith. She passed by Ty and waved him on to follow her. they made it too the elevator, and Kim took them to the third floor, since she actually knew where she was going.
She and Ty found Faith staggering aimlessly around the nurse's station on that floor. Her search was slow but frantic for anyone who would give her any vital information.
Ty approached her side and stepped in front of her, "Faith…Faith! What…what are you doing?"
"My partner is on his death bed because his bastard of a father shot him, I'm a cop, I'm going to make him pay for it!"
"Faith, he's not going anywhere…either of them…you need to slow down!" Ty desperately tried to relax his fellow friend.
Faith stopped in her tracks, breathing heavily, enraged. She knew, however, that this wasn't going to do her, or Bosco any good. That, and that alone, made her stop.
Kim and Ty shared a relieved look.
"Why don't we go get you some coffee?" Kim suggested softly, trying to calm her down further. "Or...tea."
Faith turned around, giving her a look that plainly said, 'are you crazy?'
"You're starting to sound like that new hippie you hired…" she tried to choose her words carefully, but it didn't work. She found herself insult a woman she didn't even know by name. "Ergg! Never mind!"
She walked further down the hall and almost threw herself in the Ladies Room. Ty couldn't and wouldn't follow her, but she knew Kim might. Her fingers furiously locked the door and she let her body slide down against it.
Her eyes were masked by a cloud of unshed tears and her heart literally ached for Bosco. She could only hope his didn't…
The bathroom was still, silent, and sterile. The floor was a cool white linoleum, and the walls were a soft peach color. The air smelled of cleaning agents, but not overpoweringly so. Oddly, Faith felt safe here.
Back against the door, sucking in deep breaths, she finally let the tears cry.
On the other side of the door, one hand posed to knock, Kim hesitated, hearing the muffled sobs from within. Weakly, she let her hand fall to the door, barely making a noise, and rested her forehead against the cool surface.
She knew now that they could do little more than hope and pray. And even then...
She glanced over at Ty, her late best friends' ex-boyfriend, what a mouthful. He was speaking with a shorter man, this one, presumably Anthony Boscorelli's doctor. She watched him from the wall near the bathroom, he nodded to the doctor, watched as he walked away, then made is way over to Kim.
"All they can tell us is, 'They're hopeful', considering that Bosco…" he trailed off and Kim put her finger too her lips and towed Ty by the arm, away from the thin door of the bathroom, "…that Bosco is his only family member we know the whereabouts of…it's gunna be hard to get more info then that."
Kim nodded. "Well, that's more than I hoped for. I don't know if we should mention this to Faith..."
Ty nodded his agreement. "Yeah. Maybe not just yet."
Both cast their gazes to the Ladies Room door.
"I'm going to talk to Swersky," Ty said. "See about getting a guard posted at Boscorelli's door."
"You think Faith might actually try to...?" Kim asked, not willing to say it.
Ty shook his head, unsure. "All I know is, Bosco may have a lot of enemies, but he's a cop...he's got friends who might."
"His own father," Kim shook her head, talking more to herself then to Ty.
Back inside the bathroom, Faith was regaining her composure. The cold water ran smoothly over her recently washed hands, then she brought them up and wiped her face. Then, pulling a paper towel down and drying her face, she gave herself a good hard look.
To her own self, she looked like death warmed over. She almost felt like it too.
Things between her and her partner had been teetering between slowly falling apart, and slowly coming back together. She'd hoped they would fix themselves before the need to arose, but she found herself regretting every rude, or harsh, or senseless thing she'd ever said to him.
Remembering the sound of the heart monitor flat lining, Faith cringed. That may have been the worst sound ever to meet her ears. The fear that had surged through her then, still lingered in her veins, icily flowing, chilling her through.
Unconsciously, she shivered, wrapping her arms around herself, and staring into the mirror.
The possibility that Bosco might die was haunting her, and she had to acknowledge it, no matter how hard she wanted to deny it.
And...if he did. What then?
"What then?" she asked aloud, barely whispering, searching her reflection for an answer.
Her dark eyes blinked away a tear and she turned away, wiping the last tears from her cheek. She unlocked the door and took a deep breath, then turned the knob and pushed it open.
"Kim…" she leaned out the door, beckoning the woman to come. Kim sighed and joined her at her side near the bathroom door.
"I need to see him," Faith whispered, almost shaking.
Kim bit the inside of her lip, thinking. "You know it's against the rules."
"I don't give a damn about the rules," Faith said, eyes flashing. "I need to see him!"
The intensity in her voice was the selling point. Kim nodded and motioned to her. "I don't know how we're going to do this."
Faith followed her, letting the door swing shut. "I don't care. Anything it takes..."
Kim guided Faith along the hallways. Glancing at the names on the files nonchalantly…James Petrol, Kelly Hughes, Michelle Douglas, Tom Blaney…Maurice Boscorelli…she stopped.
"C'mon," Kim waved her hand for Faith, and pointed into Bosco's room.
Both women were silent for a moment. Taking in his appearance, the room, the noise, and lack there of. The silence was broken soon, Faith's feeble sigh that seemed to mask a sob. She nodded to herself and pushed the door open.
She pulled yet another uncomfortable plastic chair up to his bed, "Hey Bos…"