Disclaimer: see first page.

So the elf and the man embarked on a furious battle against the 100,000 orcs. Surprisingly, this was not a battle that would alter the world. It made a change. Suddenly Legolas realised he was out of arrows! He began to panic, and started running around in ever-decreasing circles, leaving Aragorn to battle the remaining 60,000, or whatever. Thankfully, with the ever helpful magic of fanfic, Legolas' quiver refilled itself. He stopped running his circles and stared at it in amazement.

"Wow! It's never done that before!"

"That, my dear Legolas, would be because normally authors don't let the hero's arrows run out before refilling his quiver! NORMALLY they're paying attention and refill it as the battle goes on!

Just then a particularly big and nasty orc rushed up behind Aragorn and knocked him to the ground. It was just raising its weapon to strike a fatal blow when Legolas took it out with a flying kick to the head, before karate chopping it in the neck.

"I never knew you could do that, Legs."

Legolas assumed a dramatic yet mysterious pose. "There are a lot of things you don't know about me Aragorn."

"I know that your dramatic yet mysterious pose was so comical and out of character that you scared all the orcs away."

"Huh?"

"I said…"

"I know what you said, I just didn't understand why."

"That is a mystery to us all, my good elf."

Just then, the woodland scene disappeared and was replaces by…a river bank! Aragorn disconcerted by the sudden change dropped to the ground and began whimpering. Legolas noticed this the very second he stopped trying to throw stones on to the lily pads. It wasn't a very fast flowing river. More like a really long pond, actually.

"Ha ha ha, Aragorn son of Arathorn is lying on the ground crying like a little girl!"

Naturally, Aragorn was very hurt by this remark. He thought he'd been crying in a very manly way.

Suddenly Legolas found himself being rugby tackled by an irate ranger. Aragorn shoved the elf backwards as hard as he could…straight into the river-pond thing.

Legolas surfaced a few seconds later, complete with duckweed in his hair. He jumped of the river thingy and leapt angrily towards Aragorn…

Me: This is getting us nowhere.

The setting changed once more, and they were back in the unnamed wood. Unfortunately, there was no a large tree between Legolas and Aragorn, which Leggy crashed headfirst into.

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!"


"Legolas, are you alright??? Where does it hurt???"

"My head, you stupid human!"

"Ah yes, you have a lump growing there! Now if I just…"

"No, no, don't touch it…AAAARRRRGH!!!"

"Sorry, sorry!"

"No, you're not sorry! You never like me! You hated me being in the Fellowship, because I was a better shot than you! Oooh, look at the dancing pink monkeys!"

Aragorn gave his friend a strange look, and wondered if all elves acted like this when they'd had a bump on the head.

"Legolas, there aren't any monkeys."

"Oh. Oh yeah, they were trees all along!"

"So you're not brain damaged?"

Me: He isn't.

"How would you know?" Legolas asked, staring obstinately up into the sky.

Me: Because I'm the one writing this. And you're looking in the wrong direction.

"I am?"

Me: Yup.

"Oh."

Aragorn sidled up alongside the elf, who was desperately trying to see the author from his position in the fanfic.

"It's no use looking, Legolas. You can never see the author from a fanfic."

"Why not?"

"Dunno. I guess it's just one of those unwritten rules."

"It's a stupid rule. How are you supposed to talk to someone you can't see?"

Me: I can see you.

"YOU'RE WRITING THE DAMN FANFIC, OF COURSE YOU CAN SEE ME!"

Just before I get on to replying to my lovely reviewers, I'd just like to let you know that Leggy and Aragorn read them all too. I'm sure a few notes especially to them would make their day (and make up for them being plonked into this fanfic)

The Vampire Prince - Thanks for your review, up it is keeping!

KairiHakubi981 - It's nice to know somebody has a sense of humor like mine :D

Iraci - Yup, we do most definitely feel like that sometimes, don't we Leggy? Aragorn? "Leave me alone I'm trying to nap...."

Riddle-Child - Thanks! More is here! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Naniel - If you happen to suffocate while reading my fanfics, it is not my responsibility :D Nah, you don't have to pay to be here. Purely optional. Either that or I'm breaking every rule...tee hee.

Inuyasha-chibi - Don't worry. There will be more. As you can see from the fanfic above...but there will be even more after this! There will be more and more and more and more and more and...ok, maybe not that much :D

The Brite One - Don't worry, my weirdness is already maxed out so I can catch no more. Even if it was contagious. Which it isn't. Arry? Like it :D I'll probs put it in the next chapter.

Chibi Lauryn - Aww, thanks! So glad I've made a good impression on you of LOTR fanfics. I'm assuming that I have. Ah well, I do at least know that I made a good impression on my particular fanfic (presuming from the "I loved your fic" bit)

elvesrock - Yay :D No romance will be on its way. Purely comedy. Possibly bad comedy, but comedy nonetheless.