Disclaimer: See first page.

"Calm down, Legolas! If you're not careful she'll write you out!"

"I doubt it, seeing as I'm the most attractive in this fanfic. So there."

"Vain little elf." Aragorn muttered.

"I heard that!"

"You were supposed to."

"Oh, well…it wasn't very nice."

"Sorry Leggy."

"I forgive you. Now, erm…what are we supposed to be doing?"

"Wandering aimlessly as when we first met today?"

"Maybe."

And, once more, they set off through the woods. Not very fast, mind you. There wasn't really much point, seeing as they weren't really heading anywhere in particular. They turned a corner…no, wait, the insides on woods don't have corners…they went 'round a few trees and spotted a small girl on the ground. Legolas approached and gently said "Hi. Are you lost?"

At that the small girl turned round. Only she wasn't a small girl, she was a huge fire breathing…thing.

"Ha ha ha ha ha, stupid little elf! Falling into such an obvious trap! You shall both soon die!"

And with that the fire breathing thing disappeared.

"That didn't sound too good."

"Nope."

"So I guess we have to go after it, then?"

Me: No, I expect you to sit around thinking about pie for the next half an hour!

"Bye bye, pie"

Me: I warned you about that Legolas!

So the two heroes of our story set off looking pretty, erm, heroic. Ok, so they set off in the wrong direction, but nobody's perfect. Not even our gorgeous little elf. Which is surprising really.  Anyway, there they were walking along in the wrong direction. Until they read this last paragraph, that is.  Then they turned around and went in the right direction.

Eventually they came across, er, let's say a really big rabbit hole that had smoke coming out of it. Seeing as rabbits can't light fires (as far as we know, anyway) they came to the conclusion that it must be the fire breathing thing's secret lair.

"Well, it's not very secret, is it? I mean, there's a load of smoke coming out. Pretty obvious, really."

Ok, now that the smart-alec elf has pointed that out…they came to the conclusion that it must be the fire breathing thing's lair. That better now?

"Much better."

Thank you. Now there was just the small matter of deciding who would go down the hole first.

"I'm the King of Gondor; I can't go down a rabbit hole!"

"Well I'm Prince of Mirkwood, but one of us has to!"

"Not me!"

"Me neither!"

Me: Oh for God's sake, one of you has to! You're the only characters in the fanfic!

"Not true, there's the fire breathing thing!" the former ranger annoyingly pointed out.

Me: He's already down there! Besides, he's the baddy!

"Oh, yeah. But I'm still not going first."

Me: For the love of…that's it, Aragorn, get your kingly ass down there right now!

"But…"

Me: Aragorn!

Review replies from me....

Banana Gurl! - Thanks! It's nice to know there are fellow weirdoes out there...

Rebecca - I will be writing more. And, hopefully, it will stay funny.

The Brite One - Aww, thanks :) Doesn't matter bout the name. Thought that counts and all that, lol.

c-marabini – Thanks for your review! I most definitely am carrying on with it!

Aragorn replies....

The Brite One - I don't know why I'm running around in unnamed woods with Legolas. The author has failed to explain. I know I should be away running the kingdom. But they gave me a wonderful invention called a phone when I agreed to do fanfics, so I can call home whenever I want. YES I'M KIDNAPPED, HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!!!!! Only joking. Hahaha.

Legolas replies...

The Brite One - Yes, I get that a lot. Now so many people recognize me I have to wear a bag on my head if I go out in public. It does my hair no good at all.